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There are 3 possible explanations in my opinion: 1) He is no longer attracted to the wife. 2) He is depressed or has another medical condition and this lowers his libido. 3) He is gay.
Or he could be asexual, or maybe he watches porn cause it’s the easy way to get pleasure without having to think of satisfying another human being, or he puts his needs above hers, or he feels like he isn’t good enough in bed, or maybe she asks things he is not willing to do for her. There are too many possibilities tbh. I do hope they can have an honest conversation and ask for profession help if they wasn’t to sort this situation out
I just wanted to add that his lack of intimacy could be a result of a porn addiction. A severe porn addiction has the ability to disable someone from being able to physically engage in sex with a real person. If this is the case, GET COUNSELING HELP ASAP, as porn addiction can cause irreversible damage to sexual stimuli in the brain making it practically impossible to have sexual intimacy without the use of porn. This is unfortunately more common than people might think
I can't stop laughing "I'm surprised his hand hasn't fallen off!!" But in all seriousness this is a very sad situation. And I really pray this couple sort things out. Sexually intimacy plays a huge role in a healthy marriage!!
@@A8D92 and no one said that that isn’t true. Yet in the email there’s nothing to suggest she isn’t complying with her duties to him. Islamically there are grounds for divorce on her part as it is his religious duty to satisfy his wife. He’s implicated himself in haram things (which have the wisdom to be prohibited exactly to prevent this scenario). Personally I think these two should have Islamic marriage counselling. He needs to stop what he is doing by himself and if the situation continues.. it will be up to the sister to decide if she wants to live in a sexless marriage.
@@A8D92 What is the point of your comment? This video is about a woman's needs, not a man's. You really can't handle it when not everything is about men
Seems like such a complex situation. Many things could explain why he doesn’t wanna have s3x, like potentially he could be gay, or in the spectrum of asexuality (for example there are sex repulsed asexuals), he may not be that into you, etc. I would confront him from an understanding point bc I feel like he needs to know he can speak openly to you to address what’s going on. And if he’s willing to make an effort, try going to a s3x therapist and see what you can do to make this marriage work. If he’s not, then are you really willing to stay in this relationship knowing you want get what you want and deserve? I know it’s difficult when children are involved but they too deserve to be happy and grow up in an healthy environment and if you guys aren’t on the same page on such a huge topic perhaps your child/ren may suffer from the tension that has developed between you and your husband. Anyway, I hope you can solve this situation. Good luck!
agreed 100%! they have even said we should change things and they haven't changed, so definitely don't start with an ultimatum because the issue is too complicated to change right away. but there does have to be a conversation of willing to do things for each other and complete *honesty* and *trust* that they can be open with each other and listen
1. He is not attracted to you - you are in denial 2. He has gotten use to pleasuring himself - he's addicted to porn 3. There's black magic involved 4. Short man syndrome - can't pleasure you, won't try, too stubborn 5. There's someone else possibly 6. He no longer wants a partner to be intimate with
I have had a work colleague, who was in a similar situation, and every-time her and her husband tried being intimate, he would shut her off! Then one day she told her family she’s had enough! Then he admitted he wasn’t attracted to the opposite gender, and only married her for the sake of his family!!! Its a sad situation In Shaa Allah, the couple manage to sort things out. Enjoy watching you guys keep it up! 🤍
This is why these communities need to stop scaring people into hiding their true self. Because the unfortunate victims are the women they marry. Remember Shrien Dewani who got his wife Ani murdered because he was gay and didn't want to let down his family? So sad
Porn is addictive. Sugar & porn, light up the same places in the brain, that opioids light up in the brain, only porn creates the most lit up places. It basically creates the same response as people using opiates. They need to address his addiction, because that’s why he won’t have sex with her. He’s addicted to the brain response & the instant satisfaction + imaginary person, inside his brain. It’s not uncommon these days, but I hope they can get some counseling for their challenge. She can’t organism because he’s not taking his time with her. He’s just in for the wham bam & his concern is not focused on her. The best connections, are when both partners take their time & learn what the other person is into. Very nice topic. I know it’s a real issue, in marriages.
Great video, this is so common in the Muslim community but no one with a platform talks about it! Alhamdulilah I'm not in this situation but know a friend who is. The husband needs to seek islamic counselling for his porn and masturbation addiction while also learning how to satisfy his wife. There is a daee by the name Gabriel Al Romaani who has very in depth videos on both these things and he offers counselling too. Not all his content will be everyone's cup of tea, but the ones on social issues like this are really enlightening.
Five times a year is sex simply because its been so long since the last time-its obligatory/pity sex at that point.I suggest the both get therapy separately and together as a couple. I feel like there are some truths neither are ready to accept and the communication isn't there to discuss such a heavy topic without hurting one another and/ruining the marriage.
My husband used to be the same...not neglecting all physical touch but getting butt hurt when I tell him what I like in bed and he can't do it or he didn't want to try...but honestly what changed was not putting out and telling him exactly why. I said I won't have sex with him anymore if its not good and after several months he realized he needs to put his ego aside and really work on it and listen to what I want. He still has things to learn but at least he is willing now. And he used to please himself too...but girl its not the same! Making love to your wife and your hand are not the same. After a while the hand stuff is not enough.
Allah created a body part for woman that’s ONLY function is pleasure. My husband knows that he gets all the rewards to please me 😩 spending time masturbating rather than learning each other’s pleasures is a major issue. May Allah make it easier for them. Amin
This was a great video Sid and Dina!! You really understood the issue and looked at it from different angles, and gave great advice! great job ❤️ and it was fun as well!!
The fact that there has been such a decline in his libido since the start it sounds like he's lost attraction to her and/or is getting his needs elsewhere and has p0rn addiction. I wish she noted their ages because he could have developed and changed since the arranged marriage. He's straight-up avoiding intimacy with her. How can she not question his attraction to her? Also, she should perhaps make note and pay attention to the type of p0rn that he's watching? That could give her some insight as well.
Yep p0rn addiction also I hate to say it but she mentioned she had a kid, maybe she put on weight after pregnancy and hes not attracted to her now. Just being real this is how shallow some men are
I hope this situation gets resolved for the couple but I did want to add that it is said that if you engage in acts comparable to zina before marriage, you're taking away the barakah of intimacy in marriage. It was explained to me like this: imagine your sexual life is a form of rizq, a set amount has been written. When you use it up before marriage, it just expires and has accompanying sins. When you engage in it after marriage it is blessed so it multiplies and you get rewarded for it. This is why a lot of couples stay together in haram because satan is pushing them and after marriage he leaves and the relationship falls apart. And think in psychological terms, a relationship before marriage carries the excitement of anticipation, forbidden romance and novelty. If you get yourself used to that high, then after marriage is going to be boring and disappointing.
This was good. Also to remember that some men are like this because they are gay but don't know how to reveal the truth to their wife's and they are scared everyone will find out.
OMG! I Remember back when you guys used to read the crazy confessions/dilemmas. It used to be so hilarious and fun😂😂 it’s the sauce you guys put in, and Sid’s Goofiness. We miss it 💯💯💯💯
Really opened my eyes to a lot of things thank you guys nice to see you both back on screen. Keep going love the advise. May Allah help this sister. Regardless, intact intimacy is such a big thing. It plays such a big part in a marriage. Thinking of it this way, you are willing to commit to this person for life. So in all aspects you have the hope of finding a friend In this person. Finding a lover In this person . Finding an accompanionship in this person. It has to level otherwise it will be difficult to balance. Sometimes its so easy to divert your mind other ways but the main stem of a relationship and a family begins from the partners and how you work together. U might think differently but you have to put those ideas together and make a brand new recipe that will create a better atmosphere. Its easy said because relationships now a days are so hard to hold onto its like holding onto a stick of fire.
Also to point out to the lady in question. If he’s not willing to seek help as a couple then, we’ll, unfortunately you’ll have to think about whether you want to be with someone who does not consider you at all. It is very common in Asian/Arab background to not wanting that help. So do explore that side too. IA I hope you manage to get things back on track x
His hand hasn’t fallen off 😂😂😂😂that was hilarious ! You guys are so funny. On a serious note, 5 times a year is ridiculous! Intimate relationships exist because of intimacy that is very important.
To the writer, I would advise that you have a serious conversation with your husband. There might be a possibility that he might not be attracted even though he might still ‘love you’. The fact that he is a good husband sounds great, he might still respect you and look after you. However being physically attracted is another domain in a man’s head. So I would ask him if he is physically attracted to you and tell him you are not satisfied in your relationship. Tell him what you need to see for this to improve if he is willing to put the efforts in. Discuss possibility of therapy , which can help explore some underlying issues that might be preventing him from being physical. Honestly try that and after that, explore the ultimate option if you feel you need to. Marriage is about meeting each other’s needs and if you are feeling like it’s not being met, then you might need to consider your next steps. Sending love and prayers, hoping that things work out for the best xxxxx
The husbands porn addiction is the main problem. if u listen to islamic scholars, they mention that this addiction ruins marriages as when u get satisfied with haram then u lose interest in halal. Because porn is mainly acting, intimacy doesn't seem as satisfying in real as the fake you watch online. And watching all these other naked women with alot of fake perfections, in which editing is used. Your own wife seems imperfect and you start to want that feeling you get when watching the haram. So firstly get him to stop the haram and then talk to him about how you feel. Maybe its also a guilt that he cant satisfy you and so he doesn't try at all.
Hey it sounded like things started to change after they had a baby this can change a lot of things psychologically for a man he might see her as only a mom
if you are unable to go to therapy for whatever reason, and you're both willing to be open and change things for the other person, i would say [like Dina touched on] 1. try to schedule time together regularly to be intimate [maybe once every week or 2 weeks]. that does not necessarily mean sexually but any activity that makes you guys feel confident/sexy and maybe you can take turns deciding. could be playing certain kind of music or playing twister, etc. and 2. when you do these things, both people have to go in with NO expectations, and STAY PRESENT as much as possible. don't worry about if the other person is enjoying, or that you *have* to do this to the other person, just enjoy your time together. if you enjoy something, say it and if you don't, say it but say you liked spending the time together. this has to come from a no judgement place and be willing to just learn what the other person likes/what turns them on, and get closer to each other. definitely taper off and stop using porn as well, while doing this, so by the time you guys are having sex it should be a natural thing because you want to and not because you have to
Its so important that muslim couples talk about this situation. Firstly it is a stigma culturally that "women's needs are not of importance". Secondly porn addiction is something that should be addressed, maybe it is an outlet for him from a past event. He may have experienced some form of abuse in his past in order for him NOT to want to have the physical touch. Although I'm not siding with the male's method. But this shows detachment & their is always a cause for this type of reaction . Thank you
This is such an important topic coz so much marriages are like this. Also alot of education is needed especially when coming to intimacy. Communication is also key in a marriage. She is trying to tell him what she needs and even how to please her yet it seems like he has completely given up. It seems like she encourages him and doesn't put him down for not being able to please her yet he feels defeated. There's only so much she can do aswell he needs to make efforts aswell and come to the table to make this work. May Allah keep all our marriages fresh and fluffy with full of passion!!
Keep yourself occupied with other stuff like your hobbies and know that a lot of couple deal with this. Sometimes it takes time especially after having a child. Don’t give up and don’t think too much about it.
It sounds difficult but its important to try to set a stage for you both to be able to list your sexual insecurities with yourselves and with each other. Talk about your needs sexually and try to find a healthy way of filtering those needs to make sure they arent something problematic as can be found in porn, and try to work to satisfy those little by little. Its something you both gotta work on together. It seems like this could be the big problem. Be easy with each other when trying to help each other help yourselves in a way haha. Respect is a big part of the bedroom, that comes with consent, cooperation, orgasming, etc. And he needs to realize that this is seriously effecting you and considering she says he’s great, then he needs to want to satisfy her happiness and want to try to do better for her. Start limiting the porn and inshaAllah it’ll come down to zero if things turn for the better. Deena’s advice on counseling is also a great idea!
Could it be that he's asexual? It would explain why they had good intimate relations in the beginning, because they were newlyweds and it's kind of "expected" to do it often - especially in the beginning. I watched a documentary where a woman explained that she's asexual and it was very similar: she did "it" by "herself" and had no problem watching porn but didn't want it to do with her partner - or anyone
Firstly he should stop the haram he is in a halal relationship and doing the opposite still doing Zinah I feel they should make time during the day the week to have just their own time away from the little one work stress life in general find the common ground of likes like halal dating go out or can stay at home they need to communicate more aswell as she only wrote what she wants did she ever ask him about his side, sex is something that is not from a book etc you need to be intimate in other ways also, seeing counsellors is all well and good only up to a certain point, I feel and she is putting a lot of pressure on him so he is just distancing himself from her, very scary place to be, may Allah protect this couple and all couples Ameen
He might be insecure and not feel like he’s good enough for her. Maybe something changed after the first year? She did say ghey used to have lots of sxs in the first year and also that he feels attacked when she tries to tell him what she likes. Either its ego or its genuine and deep insecurity. Also maybe HIS body changed in the past few years and that made a difference? For example if he gained weight and he’s not used to it, he might have body issues. In any case, its def not fair for her. Best thing is to talk and ask him what’s going on and for her to share her feelings and hurt with him (also regarding the porn). Indeed sex therapy might be great help. My love language is physical touch too and my husbands is acts if service. When he was head over heeld for me he used to be much more touchy etc but it got less and less. But he was not at all brough up with parents that showed affection physically so it very foreign to him!! I have to ask him for hugs and kisses; it used to hurt me when this first started happening but now we’ve grown together and I know he just shows love differently and me asking is okay. He now senses when I need a hug and he gives it without me asking. I wholeheartedly wish you (the writer) and your husband the best!! I hope this can be resolved and worked on. Wish the best for you!! ❤️
Do you think attraction can grow over time if you’re initially not immediately physically attracted to your husband? (Granted you have not really spent much time together in person yet)? It’s a worrisome thought…
we have been taught to not cross that intimacy boundary until marriage. so it makes sense that type of attraction [i assume that's what you mean] wouldn't come easily at first because you're not used to it/have not been in that position before. i think just allowing yourself to be open and not put too much pressure on it, as well as voicing your concerns that maybe you want to take things slow first and you're nervous about all this, can allow it to be a natural progression. it should not be something that *has* to happen because it's expected of you; any respecting partner would allow that intimacy to build naturally, and from there attraction can come as well
@@mb4692 agreed. but he has to be willing to voice his concerns and talk about his issues with the situation. if he really cares about her, he must know to marriage can't continue like this, right? he has to be willing to change
For us it's the opposite...complete opposite. My husband is always keen and I'm not, for multiple reasons...many layers which I am aware of....its a very sensitive subject
Maybe he is now associating sex with pressure to 'get it right' and is backing away from sex as a result? Perhaps laying off the criticism and focusing on building emotional intimacy might help? eg shared interests, looking for opportunities to do things (hobbies etc) together, looking for chances to laugh and have fun together? And maybe from there, looking to build physical intimacy, but without blame or criticism, and with positive feedback for stuff he does well? Maybe sexual counselling (Relate do it) might help? Orgasms might happen eventually, after physical and emotional intimacy are established?
I didnt think he was not attracted to her, but I just listened and the first thing I thought was he is having an affair, or something medically could be off such as depression or drop in testosterone. I mean going from sex all the time to sex 5 times a year seems like a drastic change over time.
they never said they were having sex all the time did they? if anything it seemed like the guy never valued physical touch as a love language in the first place, b/c it's not his own, so it seems like it's not on his radar. that's where they need to start, and he has to see how much it upsets her. if he doesn't see it as an issue, it can't be addressed
If I was in this ladies situation then I would also suggest faking it until you make it. Maybe don’t vocalize the fact that he doesn’t make you come. Blag it so he feels good about himself. Once he starts to feel like its less of a chore then there’s possibility of you taking it to another level.
I can see where you're coming from but this could lead to him thinking he's doing a great job when he isn't. Maybe more positive reinforcement would help, telling him what he's doing good and guiding him when he's doing something not so good.
yes exactly. One step at a time.. got to encourage him and then also guide him once he is comfortable. I feel atm if she’s struggling to get it from him then he probably won’t be open for guidance until he feels comfortable doing it in the first place.
@@SAM._._. That is true. Also they could agree to just cuddle every night for a week, not going past that. Then the next week moving on one step further and again agreeing not to go past that and then the next week one step further etc etc building up to the act. There needs to be some major accountability on his part, he needs to agree to seek help and definately no porn. It is beyond vile and should be made illegal tbh.
@@Tan-ns2hr well clearly she’s told him he isn’t making her come and that didn’t work. Sounded like it put him off. This suggestion isn’t an instant fix. It’s a psychological one where step by step she can help her situation and guide him. You can’t just throw away a relationship without trying. It’s wrong to just assume you will meet someone and it will just click. Also another thing here to consider is maybe she is also not good in bed? Maybe she should take more control. That way she can control her own pleasure too. And from what I know a man likes the women to take over every now and then…..
