Jocko Willink: Tough Love Lessons I Teach My Kids

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Raising kids isn't easy, even for former Navy SEAL Jocko Willink.
But the former platoon commander has learned to use the knowledge and skills from his 20-year military career to raise his four children.
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Uniting people on the battlefield, the office or at home borrows from the same principles, says Willink, who founded management consulting firm Echelon Front after returning to civilian life. You might be a manager or a parent, but "leadership is leadership," he says.
According to Willink, these three tough love lessons can help any leader whether they are at home or in the workplace.
Tough love lesson #1: Don't bark out commands
Parents need to explain why they are doing something, Willink tells CNBC Make It. When moms or dads bark orders, kids can grow to resent their parents. More importantly, the kids won't understand why their parents' request was beneficial.
He suggests telling kids why a task is important. If kids understand how it's going to help them or how it's going to help the family, "then they will be more apt to do [that chore] with a higher level of commitment."
This is crucial not only in parenting, but also when leading others at work. If teams "understand why they're doing [something] and how it ties into the strategic mission that you're trying to accomplish, they'll work harder at that task."
Tough love lesson #2: Let them struggle
"If you're helping your kids," says Willink, "you're hurting your kids."
"That's not to say that you should let your kids fall, fail and be in danger," says Willink. But parents can step in less often when their children struggle with chores and tasks.
Instead, parents should reframe these moments in their mind, thinking of them as important chances for their children to hone life skills. "If you jump in and you do it for them," says Willink, "what you're actually doing is literally taking away the ability for them to develop."
Willink says this idea holds true for leaders in any situation. If you constantly do everything for your team members they will never learn to do anything for themselves.
"As a leader in the SEAL teams, am I going to let a junior leader go out on a mission that they've planned poorly and let them fail and let them get someone killed? No," says Willink. "But I will allow a SEAL to run a training mission where maybe they will fail, but no one will get hurt and they can learn."
"In order to grow," he adds, "you have to have some discomfort and you have to have some small failures."
Tough love lesson #3: Enforce accountability
Willink isn't a strict parent, he says. For instance, his children don't have to go to bed at 8:30 or 9 at night. They can stay up until 10:00 if they want, he explains. He lets his children make decisions for themselves and holds them accountable to their choices.
"If my [kids decide] they don't want to wake up early in the morning and now they're late for school, guess what? They're going to suffer the consequences," says Willink. "I'm not going to baby my kids because when my kids get out of my house, I won't be there to baby them. They'll need to know how to fend for themselves."
When it comes to the workplace, Willink notes that too many leaders make the mistake of holding their employees' hands. As a result, "there's almost no room for the leader to do anything else besides monitor the progress of that specific subordinate in that specific task."
"Balance accountability with educating the team and empowering its members to maintain standards even without direct oversight from the top," writes Willink his new book "The Dichotomy of Leadership."
Says Willink, "This is a hallmark of the highest performing teams that dominate."
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Former Navy SEAL shares 3 lessons to help parents lead at home and at work | CNBC Make It.

Опубликовано:

11 ноя 2018

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Комментарии : 11

@podsmpsg1 2 года назад

Parents need tough love from their kids at times too.

@gabeking5484 Год назад

ur the kid who talks back to your parents then goes to school and talk about how you hate your parents 😂

@BrianDonato 4 года назад

Awesome content on toughness tied in with parenting! It's something I discuss in the latest video on my channel as well, & providing a blueprint for my child on how to be tough which includes persistence. Thank you for the content.

@rzub Год назад

Thank you Sir for making this video .

@katwolf4566 3 года назад

I saw the title on the video before clicking but no offense, it's "Retired" not "Ex Navy Seal." This is not like you broke up with your boyfriend or devorce you spouse. He earned his retirement by fulfilling his contract.

@themanwhoknewtoomuch6667 11 месяцев назад

Do you know what ex means? It is a preposition borrowed from Latin ex- (before vowels and voiceless consonants), ē- (from *egz-, before voiced consonants), from ex, ē, preposition, "out of, from," going back to Indo-European *h1eḱ-s or *h1eǵh-s, whence also Old Irish a, as "out of, from," Middle Welsh ech, Greek ex, ek, Lithuanian ìš, ìž, Old Church Slavic iz (with unexplained i in Balto-Slavic); (sense 3) borrowed from Late Latin, as in exconsul "former consul," based on Latin ex in the sense "from being, having formerly held (an office)," as in ex assessōre praefectus praetōriī "advanced from the position of judge's assistant to commander of the Praetorian Guard" (Suetonius)

@toddgilmore118 4 года назад

Great advice except that my kid at age 11 wanted to stay up until 10pm after doing his homework! I told him go ahead,.. but eventually it will you will become more tired through the days at school, which will make them drag on even longer, and I don't think you wan't that do you? He stayed up for 3 nights until about 10pm and his grades and performance decreased slightly. I asked why he wasn't doing so good in school, he replied saying I haven't been sleeping good at night. I asked why? He said because there's to much noise outside at night going on, street sweepers, loud trucks, a train going by,.. these were true!! So I bought him some ear plugs to sleep more soundly, and then he asked if he could stay up until 11pm because he would sleep better and wouldn't need so much sleep... I said no!! and he threw a fit of rage and stormed into his bed. I heard him talking to his brother until 12:30 until they fell asleep! I asked him in the morning how he slept? He replied, good... I told him I heard him up very late talking with his brother in bed. He said yeah.. we talked about school and some of the kids I hate. I told him you had all day to talk about that stuff, why stay up until 12:30 when your supposed to be asleep? He said, because when i get home after school I'm tired and i still have so many chores you wan't me to do... I have no time to talk about anything else!! I said to him, all you have for chores is feeding the cat and dog, and taking out the garbage. This carried on back and forth for hours, that turned into days! Finally I figured this kid will never listen or understand my whole point. He just need to get to be by 9pm that's the one rule we try so hard to enforce upon them! neither would ever listen or just shut up and do what we say without an argument.