I was with my husband 42 years, married for 35. I was and still am in love with him although he passed a year ago. I still feel like one with him so I had love and intimacy.
So happy to hear stories like yours love, 😘 I have been in marriage about 30yrs now, I think we love each other but...... Wish we can find happiness like yours .... It was arranged marriage....... In all the 30yrs I think if I put our happy time together might be a year😢 Pray for me please 🙏 😊😊😊😊
I don't understand these comments, this level of "braggadocio" or trying to prove the value of your relationship. If it was 'intimate', it shouldn't be discussed in the open, whether your husband is alive or not. I'm sorry for your loss. When I look at a couple I don't think of their relationship, it's too personal. I hope and pray that it's "healthy" and what G-d wants for us. That's it.
“God is love”. We’ve pretty much all heard that phrase. So I believe that if we love someone the right way (God’s way) there’s nothing selfish about it. If someone truly loves you they will love you no matter what, unconditionally. Even if that love is never reciprocated.
Yes. If you don’t like each other and have no real interest in each other beyond the physical the relationship will never grow and mature. Love is great. Physical attraction is also a rush. But real intimacy is knowing the person you are with and being vulnerable to allowing them to know you. Really know you. Thanks Rabbi!
No that's not 'intimacy'. Intimacy is innocence. You don't have to 'know' your spouse, all details, etc. That's abuse. They're, we're, allowed to have our own personal information, not shared. Of course that doesn't extend to relationships with other people that are ongoing. That's abuse.
If you don't take care of the relationship it won't grow. Only love is taking care of the relationship taking the time to cultivate it and treat it well
Vulnerability such a grate feeling!! Enables you to be who you really are, without masks...There I nothing more beautiful than to be able to feel trust towards your partner. If lost for an infidelity it is very difficult to get the trust back...
This is powerful... 😮Those 2 things, those exact things; that we neeeeed, want to find someone, is said to destroy...really makes you think. I had to watch on repeat thank you Rabbi.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. So love is not selfish... God is love.
Perhaps love is too euphoric it’s not a rational state of mind maybe this is why if one loves unconditionally the opposite state can be manifest hate unconditionally Intimacy is much deeper it is the intertwining of the souls melting fusing into one g-d in the center of that fusion not the selfish nefesh
Rabbi you are on point, Intimacy involves a total different emotional psychological mental level of respect for each other... So well, put about love, I didn't see it that way. Thank you for correcting The way I think or thought of love...
oh my god what a heavy words. I can only tell that love with one partner or love with the child has base on works with that persons. When you do one step more for that persons and you feel extremly happy for that cause you make smile on their faces. when you huge for example the child and you hear in silence mommy thank you.
I believe that true love isn't selfish. You love your kids more than anyone in the world and your children are the only people that you love without expecting anything in return from them. Not even that they love you back.
Rabbi Friedman you are right on intimacy melting becoming one but I beg to differ with you on this love business I personally believe in unconditional love a love that can forgive love that cares does mitzvahs can be supportive emotionally The chassids were known-for unconditional love no ulterior motives altruistic Love can be controlling manipulative self seeking self gratifying leaving the other loveless so I agree on this 😊point
Yes some mothers not all mothers love their children Some mothers are narcissist Some are plain snd outright selfish He (g-d the maker) had many sons but only one daughter I believe these mothers that love unconditionally are the daughter we expect nothing back and we love our children more than anything in the world it is a divine love
Thank you Rabbi for your perspective. This is a very different from the Christian perspecrive on love. What you described as love would not be considered love. Because love is not self seeking. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Aquinas also taught that love is to will the good of the other.
I've been thinking about this some more, and something dawned on me. I don't fully understand how a "relationship" with God works in Judaism, but I am certain it is not what I was taught or have experienced. So please forgive me if what I am about to share somehow crosses boundaries I am not aware of with your beliefs. It took a very long time for me to be willing to view and accept God as my Father. I am one of the first seeds of the Fatherless Generations we are surrounded with in society today. For my entire life... Literally starting at the age of five... Men have taken advantage of me... So it really took a LOT for me to come to a place of trusting God as a Father. And eventually there came an intimacy in our relationship. I stopped "praying" in a methodical method, asking for generic things, and started talking to Him like He was actually listening and cared about what I was saying. Which only deepened my relationship with Him. Eventually I began referring to Him, in our conversations, as "daddy"... Which is a very intimate term. There have been times I have prayed online and referred to Him that way, but rarely, because to me that is between me and Him. Its personal. Its how "my" relationship with Him has developed. But recently I've seen a few people refer to Him that way and in thinking about that I realized something... Maybe thats part of our problem. True intimacy has been discombobulated. Its been made to mean something sexual, and nothing sexual is private now a days, is it? Intimacy is far less sexual than it is emotional. Its a level of trust that builds companionship. Companionship builds communities. And Communities build the world. We just kind of let it all hang out wherever, whenever, with whomever now a days. So there is no trust built. No companionship developed. No privacy. No real intimacy with much of anyone. We don't work things out with each other... We go to our friends, coworkers, whoever and complain about what we don't like instead of trying to actually find a solution. However, not once in my life have I EVER found a solution to a problem by focusing on the problem. 🤔 Not one single time. 👍 I think we are a lot more sensative to each other than we realize or have ever been taught. We KNOW when someone is doing us wrong. Whether we see signs of it or not even. We KNOW. And it's hard to want to be "right" to someone you know is doing you wrong. It is a cycle. Hurting people hurt people. It is a cycle that will not end until we stop hurting each other and start fixing ourselves.
You've said a lot that has a lot of meaning. Yes we learn about a relationship with G-d from our families. If it's toxic we have to un-learn, who h creates a less direct path to G-d. Nonetheless it's there. He's there. Always. In all ways. My conversations with G-d were not the "gimmes". I simply talked with Him as long back as I can remember. In an "Intimate" way, He was and is my "little voice" inside. I encourage you not to look at a "religious" path to G-d. He's not found there, in the "gimmes". I do this, He'll do that. Judaism, in that way, doesn't look towards what G-d will do God us. We look at what we can do for Him. Your searching for G-d is your realization that He's there, reaching out, calling to you. Gratitude. Always. For the "good", for the "challenges", etc. It's all from Him, which means it's all "good", we have to figure out "how", or not. I agree that 'thinking about problems' never "solved" them. You can start with the 7 Noahide Laws which are for everyone. Blessings on your journey forwards.
I appreciate this very much but I’m confused. You said in a previous video that one thing that was really a terrible thing was the lack of sex in the couples which translates to less babies etc. With all due respect can somebody clarify the two messages, please and thank you !
Not sure where the clarity is needed. I'll offer something that may help. Yes, less sex equals less children. More sex, more. However we don't want more children for the sake of more children. Children created during intimacy is something different, something sacred. They're special, who will contribute much towards perfecting our world for G-d, advancing the coming of Moshiach.
Love can be easily manipulated into fear, obsession, and self-serving and self absorbed intentions. And when it reaches that point, it is no longer considered Schwab, but rather a self absorbed fear-based perspective of another person that you feel you need in your life in order to function, survive, or thrive. Rob can easily take that form, and usually does to some degree because fear is considered to be a more dominant emotion among human beings than actual real real genuine love does. The other thing is that people have a different perspective on what love is and how it is expressed and received and that takes on different forms. For example some express love in a tough way or disciplinary way in order to try and teach the person. They love something valuable because they love them. And some will allow others to do as they wish whether or not that is toxic or evil and just say they love them and try to help or do the best for them but don’t really take those needed steps or effort that comes in the form of discipline because they do not want to offend, or they want to maintain a level of peace, which is how they view live. So it comes in different forms and in different ways, but can also be very manipulative and everyone’s perspective on love, as well as life itself is it a little different or even a lot different. It is only us ourselves to have experienced and perceive things in our life which shape our views, and who we are, and no to people are the exact same in that regard, and have each experience, something slightly different or much different in some cases. Intimacy is just being there for one another, and share a closeness with another person(s) and is usually special mutual, and nobody else shares the same type of relationship with. This Hass to do with being in a very close relationship with someone to the point where you continue to be with them, knowing all of their good and bad both, and obviously reaching a point of understanding and acceptance, even though there is not necessarily an agreeableness, but choosing to be with that person and close with that person, in more of an unconditional way in either a set, or fixed way, or more of an adjustable way that allows changes to be made for the better in and appealing to one another with a continuous and growing closeness and understanding. Intimacy is the glue which bonds the two people as one, or rather one unit. True and genuine good intimacy with true and genuine love keep the two individuals accepting and understanding each other in an empathetic way as they continue to grow and change in life.. they make sacrifices for one another. Lack of intimacy or negative intimacy with a partner in a relationship is usually due to a trauma bond attachment, which can form an unhealthy codependency that they have toward each other which is more fear-based rather than love based.. if we see love as the way in which Paul described it, and most wedding vows in a church or taken under that particular passage in scripture with love is being kind and patient, and it doesn’t boast or or keep records of the other persons wrongdoings, which can sometimes be within the persons, which can be in a person’s subconscious and unaware that it is continuously there, or has affected the relationship to where it doesn’t, or can’t move forward in a real genuine, loving and positive way in a manner in which should or could. In a situation like that it would require repentance, forgiveness and empathy, as well as understanding and an initiative and will to make the necessary changes and continue making the relationship better or staying trapped in that negative or traumatic experience or wrongdoing against the other. The thing is, there will always be wrongdoings or some type of betrayal, neglect, or lack of intimacy or desire at times in a relationship, but it has to do with how the person internalizes their own doings and wants to make sacrifices or changes within for the better and also to better the relationship, and sometimes the partner is not always onboard with those changes or willing to accept and/ or adjust in a manner needed to keep intimacy positive.
I understand what the rabbi is trying to convey. The word I in itself comes out selfish. Like what "I " want or desire. Like the word IPad or IPod the word I conveys me. I'm all important. So when a person says I love you, the word I comes out selfishly unless it's backed up with the demonstration that I love that person. When I cook for my family or pick up my daughter from school or spend an intimate quality time with my family I demonstrate my love for them. I don't need to say I love you because I show it. Not to say a person shouldn't say I love you. But just saying I love you and you dont demonstrate your just saying how you feel and how you are so important with word I.
Semantics. If we use these definitions, we have a hole that needs a word. What is thr kind of love that sacrifices oneself and one's desires for another person that cannot love you? You can't call that intimacy and you no longer can call that love, because it's not selfish. It's a great way to think....I just don't think the words match the argument.
What are 'semantics' really? What are 'words'? Who chose their "meanings"? Who chose the meanings to be "inclusive", "political", "religious (G-d forbid)"? Who needs words? Does only word choice convey meaning? In the limited communication of writing, ax here, does word choice have or convey more meaning? Are words "specific"?
While I understand your point and think it's a good one, I do have to respectfully disagree. Love can be used selfishly, but that doesn't mean it always is. Love is an emotion, and emotions can be useful when handled appropriately. 👍 Love isn't easy. That's where we've gotten confused. Because Hollywood and the "free love" movement painted Love out to be several things it's not. It is neither easy or free. It's work. It takes commitment and dedication to truly "love" someone, because not one single one of us ALWAYS behave in ways that make it easy to love us. Sometimes our behavior screams we don't want love, when truly it is the only thing we really need. Intimacy belongs in a deep committed relationship, like marriage, best friends, family members... Because intimacy isn't just about the bedroom either. Intimacy is about being vulnerable emotionally to someone else, not just physically vulnerable. But Love... Belongs everywhere in every relationship from acquaintance, to friends, to family, to strangers, to marriage. Love... Real Love... Changes everything. Not this cookie cutter version of love we have been sold by society our whole lives... I believe that true Love is unconditional. Now mind you, unconditional isn't perfect when it involves us... We... Are far from perfect... But God... His Love is perfect and unconditional. It has to be... Or He would have let me die and burn in hell for killing myself like Christianity told me He would with their words, and told me He should with their behavior. I am convinced of this and here is why... When I married my ex I knew full well I wasn't marrying him for Love. I believed my suicide escapade was going to be successful and I didn't want to die alone. 🤷♀️ That, my friend, was the epitome of selfish "love" right there. I loved me enough to not want to die alone, but not him enough to care what it did to him or anyone else when I did it. It's kind of a long story about how it all played out, so I will sum it up with this... After a few years I was ready to leave and God said no. After a few more years as I was trying to straighten my life out I REALLY wanted to leave, and God said no. After much pleading, begging, and crying God finally answered me as to why He wanted me to stay. To Love him the way He has Loved me. Nobody loved my ex when I met him. Not his family. He didn't really have any friends. His kids hated him. He had suffered a lot of abuse as a child, then began parenting at the age of 15. He was and is a pathological liar. And he is truly the hardest person I have ever had to Love in life, other than myself. 👍 But I do still Love him. Just because I was never "in Love" with him, the impact of being truly Loved while being truly undeserving changed his life. He has a relationship with his family now, a closer relationship with his father than he has ever had in his life, a closer relationship with his kids, even his relationship with his ex improved. Mind you it is all still rather dysfunctional at times... 🤪 Welcome to the real world... 🤷♀️ America IS "dysfunction junction" at this point... 😳😂🤦♀️ It changed my life too. Because now I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it's true. Love changes everything. Love brings healing to broken hearts. Love is what we need, because we were created by God to Love and be Loved by Him and each other. Despite popular belief, we don't have to "love" someone's behavior to Love them. Our who is not our do. I look forward to the day an actual human being will truly Love me back. 😳😂 I know it can be done. I've done it. 🧐
@@Isaac5123 🤔 I'm not sure I know what Love feels like coming from from the opposite sex. From someone you are joined to as a spouse. I was abused as a child by a grown man and that altered my concept of male relationships from the age of five. There has only been one brief period in my life a long long time ago where my life was randomly interrupted by a young man who captured my heart, and then flew away. That, to me felt like Love. But it wasn't this ewwy, gooey Hallmark movie kind of thing. It was a connection I had never experienced before, and have never experienced again. So strong that 16 years later, on my way to marry my ex, "our" song came on the radio and before we even reached the beach I knew I was about to marry the wrong person because I knew I did not connect with him that way, and I had no idea what to do, so I went through with it. 🤷♀️ All of my efforts to "find love" over the course of my life have led to disappointment and heartache. But looking back on when I was 19 now, I realize that I never needed to try to "find" love. If Love found me once, I am certain Love can find me again. 🤷♀️
Nonsense to 'unconditional'. Of course there are "conditions". Even G-d has them. The idea of 'unconditional love' is another myth of this age of whacky thoughts.
@@nomorecensoringme Love unconditionally as best as u can, always ask God to help in that. Thats all u can do. Its not whacky, its sacrifical, selfless and wonderful in practice..
@@zuzannazuziespiakowska7522 not what I can do. Our purpose is not to 'love' everyone. That's a concept that xians brought about and people adapted unwittingly thinking it "doctrine". It's not. G-d told us specifically what to do and not to do, Jews and non-Jews alike. People "think" that they've improved on it with that doctrine. Not so. Evidence? The extreme lack of respect for G-d, fof people, for difference, for "similarities" which must equal sameness in "all", for the idea that "love conquers all", "unco.ditional love", are all man-made not G-d made ideas. It's not in the Torah. G-d told Jews to love their meigjbors, meaning their fellow Jews. Our "neighbors" at the time were enslaving us, torturing us, trying to force conversions on us, killing us, and more in years to come. G-d isn't twisted, telling us to "love" that, hence "conditions". We know what happened when we didn't "love our neighbors", ourselves. The destruction of the First and Second Temples. Throwing us into exile these many thousands of years, u twe perfect His world. Until we share Him, bri.gi.g heaven to earth, as Rabbi Friedman, and others do. Heck let's people respect , truly, deeply respect, each other. After the coming of Moshiach we can have the "love", if it's even necessary then.
Love is the exact opposite of selfishness. When ppl say I love you with selfish intent, that's not what love truly is. Just because people abuse the use of the word doesn't mean that the ACTual meaning of Love changes. If God is love, how is it selfish. If the love you profess is not given purely according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 it's not love you are really professing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
If it is all about the person, then it's not love. Love exists and it's pure. One of the greatest love, it's the love of a mother! When you feel others, you love them too.
Much respect, Rabbi. I’ve shared your teachings several times because I find you brilliant. But I respectfully disagree here and reference St. Pauls letter to the Corinthians 13:8. God bless.
Intimacy can also be abused, you can make someone addicted to your intimacy with them and deny them such for whatever reason you fancy, deprive them of something they need from you. The same goes for them, if you are intimate with someone and they don't care, suddenly become intimate with someone else or simply refuse to be as intimate with you as you are with them. Everything can be abused for personal gain, everything is subject to selfishness if an individual wills so. Love nor sex destroy marriages, selfishness and indifference does.
1 John informs us that GOD is Love & GOD is Light, 1 Corinthians 13 informs us 'what' Love is and how to identify the many facets of what Love is from a godly perspective, All glory to the Father, Son and Holy Ghost.
You described boundaries and the lack of them, which is not healty, definition of words is not be be imaginary interpretation, how you described love here, you can apply to almoust any already determined sensation, the rest comes from how you apply it futher, you can make anything worthless, to you, don't
Rabbi, what are your thoughts on the idea that love is meant to be done for others? It is a choice and not an emotion. I was raised to think of love as the act of giving of ourselves for the sake of others even when we didn't want to. I'm not talking about being taken for granted or abused. I mean putting down our flesh and selfishness to fill a need. I suppose it's not that simple, but it's a beginning.
My mother has no capacity to form intimate relationships. Not towards my father, me ( her daughter ), no one, not even dogs. She LOVED ME. SHE LOVED MY SEXUALITY as a little child😢
I'm sorry for your pain. You are not defined in any way by your mother. Own who you are. Accomplish your unique mission here, which has nothing to do with her. Divorce the toxicity. For your own "sanity". Blessings to you on your journey forwards. Leave the past, passed.
Boy loves girl and girl loves boy is not enough for long and healthy relationships. He and she both have to love the thing which makes them together that is marriage and both of them have to love family which they will produce! Then that relation is called as healthy!!!
