MADAME WEB | So Awful, I Wished I Was Watching The Marvels Instead 

But can they give you back your two hours? Wish I could. Thanks for taking three for the team.

Spiders are well known for that

What else you would you expect from an actress named "state penis"

I just wished I got bitten by an Australian Funnel Web and had an anaphylactic reaction rather than see this film.

During the "Escape from Ezekiel" scene, Thorius, shaking with rage, spills his popcorn. Reaching between the seat cushions to recover a kernel, he is bitten by a spider. Realizing he now has the power of time travel, he travels back to the point when a dollar bill slipped from his palm while paying a street vendor for a hotdog on his way to the theater to watch Madame Web, but he this time chases the fluttering bill into the busy street. Hit by a bicycle courier, ironically delivering a rough draft of Clarkson's screenplay of the Madame Web sequel to Sony executives, Thorius spends the next few weeks in the hospital, emerging after the movie has been pulled from theatres. Even though he walks with a limp every time the weather changes, Thorius is thankful he was spared having to watch the movie. In the sequel to his story, while limping down the street one showery day, a dollar bill slips from Thorius's hand yet again, while paying for a hot dog at the very same street vendor. He struggles to move, but the fluttering bill is caught mid-air by a beautiful young woman. Their eyes meet as she passes the bill back. An instant connection is made, as well as a coffee date! Time travel is looking very fortuitous for Thorius. But soon he realizes that it is his job, even his duty, to review and create content from not only the best, but the worst content. Mentioning his plans to stream Madame Web for review, his sweetheart mentions that she loves superhero movies; The Marvels is her favourite movie, she is the president of the local chapter of the Dakota Johnson fan club, and it is time for a woman to shape the Star Wars Universe. A tear rolls down Thorius's cheek as he walks alone past the window of the coffee shop of their ill-fated first date. He limps, love lost, across the street through puddles and wind and rain, splashing his way back home to finish the final edit of his review of that most horrible movie Madame Web. Such it is at the intersection between Time Travel... And Fate.

A Pepsiman movie would have been a million times better.

The guy survives being hit by an ambulance , an explosion,

after Mac and Me did it for Coke 😂

Ask Toei

Pepsi saves everyone and Madame Webb saves a bird. The End.

Today's episode of Sesame Street was brought to you by the letters E, S, and G

@@jackall-trades6149 Remember, BlackRock wants your business to D I E. I mean D E I.

At least they don't hire She-Hulk's writers. Or Velma's writers. Or Robyn Hood's writers. Goddamn, so many horrendous writers exist nowadays.

Well, the biz seems to MAINLY consist of these people now..... Remember: when everyone is shitty, no one is

I'd watch Ben Affleck Daredevil over Madame Webb any day. At least they had some semblance of movie making competence back then.

‘FUCK SPIDERMAN, PUT A CHICK IN IT, MAKE HER LAME AND GAY!!!’

And don’t forget blame the failure on “misogyny” and “incels.”

@@James_Bee Especially the Director's Cut.

​@@ghidorah15 Oh yeah the directors cut adds so much more depth to the film.

I liked Andrew's way more then i did Tom's. 😒 Lol

No, it's still bad. This is just worse. Worse than _Fant4stic_ , which I didn't think was possible. People paid money to make this! Wrap your head around that fact, if you can.

I always love the Andrew Spider-Man movie. I’ve come to appreciate him more after Tom Holland Spider-Man. I like Tom, but his movies… weren’t really Spider-Man movies too much. Too much tied to Iron Man.

MADAME WOKE

​@@BNuts They made this to retain the rights to Spiderman by making a Spider verse movie, and this uninspired trash movie is the result

"What a lovely Black Widow. Will I die or fly?"

@@DarkFox2232 Brown recluse! Nice! Come onnnnnnn super strength!

This would be a cornucopia for any supervillain mastermind trying to replicate Spider-Man for their own nefarious purposes, and these writers just went ahead and made it. Heck, imagine Spidey himself with all of these powers, instead of the limited set he got. He doesn't even make his own webbing naturally!

Well Marvel and people in general have totally nerfed spiders anyway. We have how many Spider-heroes now?

Every single fly they try to eat would suddenly gain the powers of superman.

🤣🤣🤣

Jesus Christ, THAT foulest monstrosity totally KILLED all its chances and potential for what could've been at least a worthwhile cinematic spiderman universe on the first try. Not since x-men origins did the history of any superhero cinematic universe, ever bear witness to the top contender of the WORST superhero movie of all time!!!

As if that crap is relevant. Kubrick was nominated for The Shining.

We have ten more months left in the year, how can we be so sure? 😬

@@haissem8 It is only relevant in order to be made fun of just like when Rachel Zegler won the action star of 2024 recently beating out Tome Cruise(MI: Dead Reckoning) and Keanu Reeves(John Wick 4) and that just shows how dead that award shoe truly is.

@@insensitive919 We do not. But it is in the lead so far for that.

😅

Nietzsche said that. "When you stare into the abyss, the abyss also stares into you." Great philosophy quote.

Don't blink.

I think this movie is one of those exceptions of not staring back.

Those bad movies are just asking to get poked in the eyes.

Now THAT'S a bad movie

My mother was researching spiders in amazon he was with her before she died

Even Morbius spawned a few memes so, yeah, this movies is somehow THAT bad

they just needed more Black Girl Magic

No but what it does have is overkill of product placement and apparently the villain gets killed by a Pepsi sign lol 🤣

I heard she unsurprisingly fired her agent after this.

​@@SunnysFilmsThis is true, Thorias mentioned this

Yeah I couldn't watch the video atm so I read comments first. lol@@kidkatanatv

It honestly made me dizzy watching it.

That was hawt.

6 years I waited for a chance to use that gag. Hope I picked the right moment. lol

It was beautiful sir, loved it @@thoriasunlimited4053

Oh, wow. Now I feel even sorrier for Sydney Sweeney than I already did. At least Isabela Merced has her role as Hawkgirl to fall back on.

I pray that it is, in the same way _Fant4stic_ backfired so hard at keeping the Fantastic Four (and X-Men) film rights away from Marvel Studios that it's become legendary.

Reminder Avi Arad ruined Spider-Man 3, Amazing Spider-Man 2, didn't think Into the Spider-Verse would do well, and keeps pushing these lame spinoff ls, and Amy Pascal used to be CEO of Sony Pictures until she had to step down due to leaked racist emails from the Sony hack, and she once cursed out Kevin Feige and threw her sandwich at him and told him to GTFO her office during a lunch meeting when he pitched the idea of putting Spider-Man in the MCU.

I really did like The Batman for the most part. Pattinson did good.

@@GodOfPlague 👍👍

Logan is a standalone movie? The Batman is just a reboot year one film which is getting a sequel like Joker is.

@budgiecat9039 Logan is pretty stand alone. You don't really need to have seen the xmen movies to enjoy it

@@GodOfPlague it's still a continuation

Best line😂😂😂😂

On the plus side, every time one of these all-girl team-up movies tanks, it decreases the odds of a potential MCU A-Force project ever happening. That's one I can do without.

@@thoriasunlimited4053 You and me both. Except, I imagine all the money my favorite RU-vidrs will be able to milk from it and almost want it to come out lol

What sin would you have to have committed for this to be your punishment?!

@@BNuts- It is just a General Penance, like Ash Wednesday its not Specific to a Sin. Ash Wednesday is Not Judgement Day, and Penance is simply an Act of Contrition, and on Ash Wednesday Traditional Penance is Fasting, Confession, Payers, and Watching Madam Webb.

That is SO cold 🥶

It would, in fact, be a better origin story for a better superhero...

But how they'll explain to the Peruvian authorities a newborn baby from a dead mother with a bullet in her head?? It was the most stupid origin ever to let the audiences to fill up that big of a plot hole 😂

@@romelmunoz7957 they put her in a magical spider themed orphanage with a baby venom and a baby Kraven to set up a spin-off down the road called “Spider-Babies!” (Aunt may is the care taker)

@@liittlemiissdlike Malcolm said "wow, I can't find a flaw in this logic!" 😂

Just watch Japanese Spider Man

spider pig, spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does

My question is how bad was it that that THIS got released but Batgirl wasn’t

If they suffix is "-girl", it IS that bad

Sounds like they have already been replaced. Sue AI isn’t ready to make movies yet, but Sony didn’t get the memo.

Amen

Sadly, I was speaking from experience.

We all have our guilty pleasures

Far more better then this POS Marvel movie that's for sure.

Yes, I loved it too. But common, it was a B-movie at best (just my opinion).

I agreee. @@arberreka2242

I literally said the same thing when he mentioned it. "But I like Dracula Untold." 😂

It doesn't. Ben mentions that he thinks he's found the right girl, but Mary (his sister-in-law) gives birth to Peter. Neither May nor Peter are mentioned by name.

Just watch The Voyeurs, fast forward to the best scene or two, and thank me later.

I hear ya, but judging from what Thorias and other sources say, she's done no favors here.

I've got 2 big reasons to like Sydney Sweeny

It's a lot easier when the theater's empty.

Doesn't he give the bird in Most thumbs?

@@tagir9123 Sure, but I don't recall in any of the older thumbs, he is being the only one in the movie theater, which for me, is funnier than doing a thumb using a poster of the movie, like it happens most of the times.

Hell, that was just me re-enacting what I actually did in the theater during the movie.

😂😂good one😂😂

@tagir9123 Not most, but definitely more than usual lately.

Meh. January was pretty miserable, but back to what passes for normal, I suppose.

@@thoriasunlimited4053 Keep moving forward and you make it to where you want to go.

😂 GG

Well, he delivers

"Come with me if you want to laugh."

No matter what this guy says, I'm in stitches almost constantly🤣🤣😂

Or let him make a proper R rated Venom movie

@@FP194 agreed. Although I thought he didn’t like the character. But still I agree with you.

Now THAT could work.

@@chrisblanc663 agreed. If Sony leaves him alone! Green Goblin R rated slasher would be dope! 💯

I still think "Eat my Hammer" is yet to be dethroned

Someone Memory Holed _Fant4stic_ , or at the very least never saw it. Good on you.

@@BNuts Disney’s version will be worse than Fant4stic!

@ParkerCS2 You know it won't. You say that because dunking on Disney is "cool" now but you know it won't.

How do you know that?

And x-men

I'd pay to see that! 😂

Considering all the lies and stupidity involved with the Sony Spider-Verse (like *HELL* am I using their BS name for it), I truly hope something like that happens. It needs to be stopped.

Same here.😅

I can only guess that the other writers and the production crew were good enough to cancel out the incompetent writers.