If you’re actively transphobic, then it’s wanting to know your “””real””” name, but otherwise, it seems like it has about as much relevance as an old nickname you used with your collage roommate.
Well you can call me Anne Marie. That is, if you're partial to being FLAYED ALIVE, and having an angry immortal skip RRRRRRROPE with your entrails! If not, Sheogorath. Charmed.
Or someone asking you what nicknames you had in highschool, like it's in the past and also you never even knew me as that so why the hell would you care to know?
I think the thing that annoys me about people wanting to know a person's deadname is that they clearly attach significance to the name, or they wouldn't care. Which suggests that they're trying to find out who the trans person "really" is, as if their previous guise is the real them and their current identity is just an act. It's so f*cking invalidating and plain rude. They might as well say "you're lying about your identity, and your (often upsetting) past is my personal business. Screw your feelings, my curiosity is more important". ... Plus as others have said, most people who want to know just want to have something they can use to hurt the trans person.
This. What Jammi said... this is one of these things that I don't understand. A name is just a label. It is not "me". It doesn't define me. I would be the same person as "Georg" as I would if my name was "Dorothe", (which was the name my mom had selected, expecting me to be a girl.) I am still the same person if you call me "Georg", "Gerch" or "Groffili". But in the case of trans people... homophobes use their deadname to attack them. To deny their personality. These people use names to define a person. Here, I can understand why transfolks are so opposed to having their deadname known. Because they know exactly what will happen. Humans can be so cruel.
I've had people just straight up try to guess my deadname before and I just don't understand how anyone could think that's a normal thing to do to someone
I just had to imagine a conversation with people guessing your dead name. "What's your dead name??" "I don't tell people that, sorry" "Wait, wait, wait... AMY!!" "Wha-?" "No? Okay... Carla!" "Why are you-" "ANNIE!!!"
Yeah, people try to guess my wife’s name based on the first letter of her name. It’s not the same letter and I don’t understand why they think that it would be.
I don’t get people who think their deadname sounds the same as their chosen name- like that makes no sense to me. Your deadname easily could have a lot of negative thoughts to yourself, so wouldn’t you choose a name that you like and is more different than your deadname? Idk those kinds of people confuse me
@@chandranelson2772 "What's your real name?" "What do you mean? My name is Amara" "I mean like your dead name" "How I said, my name is Amara!" "Okay, so it starts with an A..." "What?" "Andreas?" "What do you-?" "Uhmmm... Andy?"
As a mother of a non binary kid, it's kinda sad (for me) to let go of my offspring's birth name but it makes my child happy to be called their name and THEIR happiness is what matters most to me. Don't get me wrong it's sad to let go of the name I lovingly picked out when they were born but I'm so proud of my kid for being themselves. 💖
Mothers like you belong into jail. A child doesnt know what non Binary is. You the one planting that idea into that poor childs head. You are abusing your child shame on you
I have witnessed my sister go through this as well. My nephew was named for his dad's sister who passed away. They have been so understanding and patient with him. I am so proud of them 🥰
As a parent who has a kid that changed their names can I ask you some questions? Because I want to change my name but I don’t want my mom to feel like I don’t like my name because she picked it or something but I also don’t know how to ask her to help me pick. When ever I brought up changing my name she would say she wasn’t gonna stop me but didn’t like it. I want her to feel involved but like I said- idk how to bring it up. For you, how would you have wanted your kid to broach the subject and how would you have felt if your kid asked you to help pick a name?(i didn’t want to be rude and assume anything or pry so I just went off of a hypothetical for my question)
90% of the time the person asking it will start referring to you by the deadname, too, even if they claim to be an "ally". my friend once told someone his birth name bc the person swore they were just super curious and they'll forget about it... only for my friend to hear them talk about him using that name to other people.
Tbh i don't understand people reffering to others using their deadnames. Like, nowadays u can legally change ur name So by their logic, it's bad when trans people do it? I thought abt it few minutes ago cuz of ur comment
Jamie's dead name is irrelevant. He is Jamie. When would anyone ever call him anything else? And if you're not going to use a name, why do you need to know it?
Just to screw with the transphobes he could say that Jamie was always his name. I mean it is a unisex name so it's believable. They would hopefully stop asking and just use his name.
Yup, people act like they have a right to know your intimate history. If I wanted you to know, I'd tell you. If it made sense for you to need to know, you wouldn't have to ask. The only question regarding painful history that is appropriate for most relationships is "do you want to share x with me? If not, it's okay"
@@JacquelineUnderwood or if you really can't help asking, ask if they mind you asking or some other polite way and be ready to back off if they don't wanna say. Only to people you're pretty close to of course, never strangers or acquaintances, and only if you REALLY can't help yourself
@@ebuslamentee5963 A lot of emotional/mental abuse against trans people, especially by transphobic parents and other relatives, _heavily_ involves purposeful deadnaming and it can easily connect that deadname to a lot of painful memories and abusive patterns
@@ebuslamentee5963 you asked what your birth name can have to do with trauma Abuse is traumatizing, and many people have triggers associated with such trauma. If your deadname is purposefully used for manipulation and abuse then it's going to become a trigger for that trauma
I knew a young girl who was adopted, her name was changed by her adoptive parents when she was 9 months old. People always asked her "what is your real name?" And "so where is your real mum and dad" she always used to say "my real name is the one I have now and my real parents live with me, they were the ones that saved me from my abusers and gave me a good life" Just like she did, you take those questions so well.
Curiosity. Sometimes it's just pure curiosity. This is coming from someone who wants to know everything out of pure curiosity. And don't get me wrong, I restrain myself on deadnames. I have one myself that I don't want people to know. But that can be the reason.
I'm always curious. I'm also pretty committed to not asking. My teen daughter has a few friends and classmates who are non-binary or trans. When she tells me about them, I ask if I've known them by another name and which name should be used around their family. This allows my daughter to connect the dots as I write the name I've known off as a dead name or to be used around family only.
I know a trans person and she is very sweet. A few months ago, we were talking about deadnames, and I came to realize that I had completely forgotten her deadname. She was nothing but Marcy to me. That made me really happy, and we need to learn how to forget about who people were before, wether it involves gender or not. What that person was yesterday doesn't effect what they can be today.
Yeah, someone was telling me a story about a trans woman they knew knew and I asked what was her real name and they told me the dead name, so I asked no, what was her *real* name, which is Scarlett. I’ve completely forgotten what they deadname was, but I remember Scarlett!
Once I was trying to ask my mom if my trans friend could come over, but my mom is transphobic so I had to ask using her dead name. Only problem was, I straight up forgot it! Great feeling! It was soured though as I then had to ask my friend what it was so I could actually refer to her to my mom. On the upside though she thought it was hilarious.
I had multiple friends say that they can't even see me being called by my deadname, like there's no way it fits or have fit me. Makes me very happy ngl
That's literally how names work, your parents named you because you are their child. You just discovered that's not who you are so it wouldn't make sense for you to use a name that doesn't best fit you.
A transwoman from my hometown got interviewed to raise positive awareness. The interviewer asked for her deadname. She replied that she forgot. We laughed about it later, but like what is the point in knowing one's deadname? Completely useless information.
It's a way of saying "I'm not gonna accept or view you as who *you* say you are, but instead, I'm gonna force *my* assumptions and beliefs onto you by asking what your 'real' name is." It's a subtle form of disrespect, not innocent curiosity.
I’m trans and I have many trans friends and I’m deeply uncomfy if they feel the need to tell me their deadname 😂 I’m not going to reciprocate; the sound of my deadname makes me feel ill lol
I can relate. I was a witness to violent threats against a trans colleague & at the end of taking my statement the manager in charge of the investigation tried to cover for the employee by say Its hard for them because they know them as ( dead name here) I reported them to the store manager & fortunately they were removed & not just from the investigation. No one needs that information & it didn't change what i witnessed at all, just made me feel unsafe.
I'm sure they don't expect you to tell them. Some people just feel more comfortable with sharing that info but I'm pretty sure no trans person is gonna ask you and expect you to tell them your deadname if you don't decide to do it yourself, that would be... really insensitive and frankly strange from people who know what dysphoria feels like
I have a weird question.. but do you ever wonder that about them? Like, I feel like when you learn that someone changed their name it's very human to wonder "but hat was it before?". Or in your experience trans people don't have that curiosity for it?
@@LookingForFrogs I don’t, because their deadname isn’t their current title. When people get married and change their last name, I feel like they rarely get asked what their surname at birth was 😅
@@ezachleewright2309 because transphobes will often use that information against trans people in a derogatory and harmful way, such so that it makes us uncomfy and depressed. No one needs to know a trans person's birth name. For ANY REASON.
Well, sometimes it’s like the phrase “curiosity killed the cat,” and the person who’s asking is the cat. Asking is rude, yes, but sometimes, they’re just curious to know, even if they’ll never use it. Especially children.
I don't know, sounds pretty paranoid to me. Sometimes people want to know things just to know things. It's called "curiosity". I don't need to have a reason to ask things. Especially not a malicious one. Just explain that you're uncomfortable with that question and move on.
@@groerhahn225 clearly, you’ve never met a trans person before. Dead names are DEAD!!! They are NEVER TO BE USED! Even if you are just curious, respect them when they say they don’t want to tell you.
@@TheZoe97 You're contradicting yourself. Which one is it? "It's disrespectful to ask at all" or "It's disrespectful to ask AGAIN?" Beeing mad at someone for beeing curious is unfair. Most people don't know any better and they'll never learn if you just accuse them of trying to hurt you for asking. Not everybody is out to get you. Most people are just uneducated. Which, honestly, isn't surprising considering that topic is a huge taboo in large parts of our society.
Excuse my ignorance for never knowing this would be offensive. I am glad that you are educating people like me on this. I am also glad I never asked anyone what their birth name was before they transitioned. I am so extra careful with how I talk to anyone new these days because there are potentially so many things that could offend someone for many different reasons, I would rather not risk it. I don't like it when people say certain things to me, which are race related. So I try to keep the same respect for others as I want for myself.
Well-meaning people with ignorance is a mood. (I’m trans) and I’ve said some real ignorant things related to race towards black people. I’ve def tried to be more careful after I realized I did that. It happens, and I hope no transperson reacts vehemently at you for being well-meaning.
The matter of the fact is you're trying, you're not willfully trying to be ignorant or disrespectful. We can respect people that do that, however what we don't respect is people who willfully ask these things and then get angry or upset that we don't tell them the things that have nothing to do with our life now. My deadname has nothing to do with my life now, so when I tell you the name that I am now, I expect you to call me that name. The same goes with gender pronouns, and I can say for about maybe 70% to 80% of transgender males and females that it's probably the same deal.
👏🏻 stop 👏🏻 asking 👏🏻 trans 👏🏻 folks 👏🏻 their 👏🏻 birth 👏🏻 names 👏🏻 Honestly, it's 2022 people, maybe you should? Just stop??? Being rude and making trans people [potentially] uncomfortable??????
Stop asking ANYONE for names other than the ones they introduced themselves with tbh Like I had a bunch of cis kids at my lunch table a few months ago that constantly bothered me and when they asked for my name I said "Drey" (Bc I thought Dreyfus or my other two chosen names would be too weird for them) And then like 2 months ago, these people who I did not like, and did not know I was trans, thought I was cis (deadgender cis, I sadly have a chest), deadass asked me "What's your real name" LIKE???? YO DO Y'ALL DO THIS TO EVERYONE NOW??? DON'T ASK PEOPLE FOR A NAME THEY DONT GIVE YOU BC THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT THEY WANNA BE CALLED IF THEY TOLD YOU IT????
Maybe it'd be better if we were asked "hey just curious what was your working prototype designation before moving onto your current stage of development?"
my baptism/birth cert got updated so if people ask "birth name" (trying to avoid the proper term deadname) I literally just answer with my current name because state ecclestiastical affairs ministry with all their ministrial authority printed valid documentation that says my current name. Priests handle name changes in my country and the local priest in the parish I resided at the time of legal transition is super pro LGBT
My great uncle, while not trans, legally changed his name so he also has a sort of “deadname”. He was named after his dad, who really wasn’t a great person, to say the least. Everyone in the family respects his name, I didn’t even know he had another one until a few months ago. The majority of my family is conservative and have no problem calling him the name he prefers, yet somehow they can’t understand why it’s rude to deadname someone or ask for their birth name. P.S. my great uncle’s name is Slam, which I personally think is waaaay cooler than whatever his name used to be.
As a cis person, I used to naively think that asking about someone's dead name was just a curiosity thing, but now my cynicism (and maybe realism) has taken over, and I think 80% of it is just people wanting something to hold over trans people's heads either now or in the future. It's like how middle school bullies would sometimes start being nice to try to get their victims to reveal personal info.
See that’s the thing, I am naturally an incredibly curious person, if I realise I don’t know the answer to a question, my immediate instinct is to seek that information out. But here’s the secret friends. When I learnt that seeking out someone’s dead name was harmful to them… *I stopped fucking doing it* my curiosity is not more important than the avoidance of further dysphoria.
@Real Ray As someone who had to learn that curiosity isn’t always harmless (and just to be absolutely clear, I’m not claiming this as a brag, it would have been better if I had known this from the start) I think it’s less that you think you’ll know someone better, and more that knowing a new thing in general is good on it’s own.
I am not Trans, but if I were I think everyone would know my dead name, because I would just use the female version of my Male name... I am not very original and it might be easier for people to remember..
So as a cis ally with either adhd or autism, I get so good at forgetting people’s deadnames, can’t call them the wrong name by accident if I don’t remember it anyways
Cis people have such a creepy obsession with trans people’s birth names. I’ve literally had people stalk me and go back 10 years in my social media to find my birth name. One person even announced what they did to my entire class like it was something I should be impressed by. She was so proud of herself she didn’t even notice how I instantly went into a total panic attack that lasted weeks. That level of invasion of my privacy didn’t even get her into trouble and I had to be the one to drop the class in the end…
❤ for sure. It's a deadname. You're Jamie, and that's lovely. Would it be okay to ask how they came by their correct name? I find the stories behind the process very cool and most of the time, a positive story. I mean, obviously not a question for a stranger, but if it's not jarring.
My sister who's name is Jamie once dated a guy named Jamie (no one called him that he had a nickname everyone called him..but still though pretty funny that two Jamies dated ) (Jami? Jamiesies? What's the plural for more than one Jamie?)
True, although Jamie is very much considered a male name in the UK. Although it has been used for girls, it's overwhelmingly male here. It seems to be more gender neutral in the USA.
Giving out your deadname usually just leads to transphobes calling you that and people giving you unsolicited opinions like "oh thats such a nice name, you should have kept it"
lmao i've had someone ask me soo many times what my deadname was and when i actually said it, they didnt even know how to pronounce it like just call me by the name i actually go by its really not that hard
@@kcthefrogusedyt8319 I only tell people my deadname if i'm very close to them and it comes with the condition that i'll cut them out of my life if they call me that
@@nathanielkimpan4825 yeah and that changes nothing, no hair means NO HAIR. I didn't say what hair, I said hair. facial and body hair is still included in that
And giving people your dead name means more people to "accidentally" use it... 🙄 I've chosen to entirely stop responding to it. Which means I'm now no contact with several relatives.
I’ve got a coworker, lovely woman, who after learning I was trans actually did ask what my birth name was. My response was that I would answer ANY question about being trans EXCEPT that. (I also explained the term “deadname” to her, and she thought that it was a really cool word.)
I don’t understand how people can’t make the connection that it’s an inappropriate question before it comes out of their mouths. Fair enough, if it’s being asked by a child, but it doesn’t take telepathy to tease out that it’s no one’s business.
@@shamelesshussy As a cis person, I’ve heard about deadnames before and just assumed asking for it was like asking to reopen old trauma. I had a trans roommate for several months. I don’t think it even occurred to me to ask. At least I don’t remember wondering about it. I figure if someone felt the need to share that part of their life, they can do it on their own time.
i feel like she couldve assumed it was wrong to ask, but sometimes curiosity does get to you. im really glad she took it like that, rather than pressuring you into saying it! honestly trans people have to be so patient with some people.
@@shamelesshussy as a neurodivergent that has trouble understanding social constructs I did make the blunder of asking for the birth name and was lucky enough to have asked a person who was also neurodivergent and understood and politely explained to me why it’s not a good question to be asked. Typically if a respectful person is asking a question like that, it’s because they don’t realize that’s not something polite to ask, and all that’s needed is a polite explanation
Honestly, everytime I'm asked that I don't just feel uncomfortable. I feel unsafe. It always comes across as "Hey, tell me this thing you don't want to go by so I can use it against you!" Regardless of intent, it always feels that way.
My brother changed his name to Stick years ago. If my cis brother can choose an inanimate object for a name and have it be respected, there's no reason not to respect any trans person's name. You're Jamie, and that's great!
Another point is if Jamie were to give his birth name, the transphobes would see it too and use it against him. They already misgender him by using female pronouns, if they knew his birth name, nothing would stop them from deadnaming him. Be respectful and let birth names stay in the past, where they belong
I'm a cis woman who changed her first name legally a long time ago, and I get uncomfortable telling people what my deadname is, too, for the same reasons. It's not me, it's not my name, and I never liked it to begin with. It just never fit who I was, and you're never going to use it, so why do you need to know what it was? It's wholly irrelevant to current events. It's not even interesting, it's just a boring name. I also find deadnaming trans people "because that's what their name used to be at the time" gross. Stop. No one does that to married women who took their spouse's last name after the wedding. You don't suddenly refer to Sherri Brooks in Accounting as Sherri McDonald whenever you're talking about how she bit it during the company softball game 2 years ago just because it happened before she got married. No. Intentionally deadnaming trans people is done exclusively for shaming purposes to deny them their true identity. It's disrespectful and abusive.
no such thing as "cis" you're a woman a biological woman, not a woman made a woman through thoughts and feelings in your head, don't take and use their slurs they wouldn't like if you slurred them don't encourage the madness
@@m0L3ify are you saying this cis slur is a thing it's real? I'm confused lol an if so then can you give actual facts on it some proof an argument to your claim and not just dismiss with name calling an silly giggling like a child, to many are quick to say wrong when challenged but won't explain how it's wrong, i also like how no one acts like this in the real world (unless it's a school with easily influenced little kids of course) because they know they couldn't get away with it their safe space isn't unavailable in reality, they fear reality as much as they fear their own acceptance
@@anon131 "Cis fatty acid : _noun, plural: cis fatty acids_ A fatty acid in a cis configuration, i.e. two hydrogen atoms adjacent to the double bond are on the same side of the chain" Cis means "on the same side of." Trans means "on the opposite side of." In chemistry, cis refers to atoms in molecules that are on the same side of the bond. Trans molecules have atoms on opposite sides of the bond. In gender, cis means your identity is the same as your biological sex assigned at birth, and trans means your identity is opposite your biological sex assigned at birth. Both are equally valid. They are simply states of being, nothing more, nothing less. There are no slurs here. This is simply how language works. That is why Chemistry has entered the chat. You'd definitely get a failing grade in O-Chem arguing that "cis fatty acids" is a slur, but I'd definitely love to read that term paper lol.
@@m0L3ify your first paragraph makes no sense to the subject but the second part yea ok so cis is opposite of trans and the reason it's was made was because apparently if you have trans you got to have an opposite to it, like biological in itself isn't opposite, and the guy that came out with the term and ideology was a sympathiser called volkmar sigusch look him up see if he is the sort of guy to be worshipped, idolised and followed, the guy was a deeply disturbed monster, which is one of the reasons i personally will never say cis but also because its actually a slur too why is a slur aimed at biological acceptable but a slur aimed at trans isn't? most of the terminology and ideology is a groomer concept, now there is a small part of the trans community that just want to live their life how they want and do it peacefully, fair play to them i applaud these people, but to many of them (multiple them) are in it for fetish's, fantasies an to get to minors it's hard to trust any you can't when you know to much
That's what I was thinking lmao. "What's your first memory? How is your relationship with your father? What's a song you used to enjoy that has been ruined for you?"
@@Marispider I like that last one. Anything by Ace of Base. Ever since I found out one of the guys was a Nazi, it's put a damper on my enjoyment. "The Sign" is such a bop though it's hard not to enjoy it.
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I'm a naturally curious person, so I can confirm that the only reason I would ever want to know a trans person's dead name is curiosity. I'd be lying if I said I'd never wondered that when meeting or interacting with a trans person, but I would never, never, _ever_ ask. I always push the thought out of my mind as soon as it pops up. It's none of my business and they don't owe me any answers, no matter how close we are.
Greetings once again from nova Scotia, this is a very topical issue, as my dear old grandmother was fond of saying, "mind your P's and Q's" don't ask rude questions. I only know my sons partner as Matt, there is NO other name, just like my name is Arthur, stick to your guns as it were, stay strong, and as always best regards. Arthur
My last Dental appointment asked my "Birth Gender" on the form. I still want to know why the hell the DENTIST needs to know? Says female on my birth certificate. That's all they are getting from me.
@@DanaTheInsane Yeah, I can see for like, a doctor that might be potentially dealing with you medically, as a trans person, to know what things you'll be more at risk for, to know what kind of treatments you've undergone or plan to undergo, but like... teeth are teeth. Whether AFAB or AMAB, teeth are teeth. Why the hell does the dentist need to know anything beyond what your name and pronouns are, now?
@@AurmazlZudeh idk if this is a sarcastic comment or not but there have been studies about sex related teeth differences which all came inconclusive, meaning as of today there is no sure way to tell if a person is born female or male just by looking at their teeth.
There’s this moment in my one of my favourite lgbt books (graphic novel). The main character is talking to her new friend, Darren who’s trans and he (Darren) asks if she (main character) wants to know his deadname. She says ‘Naw, you’re Darren.’ It made me so happy lol
as a nonbinary person I am so so so glad my late grandfather encouraged my mum to give me a gender neutral name! I like to think sometimes that a part of him knew(he died when I was seven,he never got to know unfortunately) and forshadowed it and made it slightly easier. No need to change my name. However I do get threatened alot despite making it clear I dont wanna change my name. "Dont you dare change your name😡" But like Ive said i wont 😢
I looked up ‘Jammidogder real name’ once and then felt bad because it sounded like I was looking for his dead name. I just wanted to know what his last name was. ; - ;
"what is your birth name?" i do not have one. i was born in the wild forests where no human goes and have reintegrated into the civilization only to be able to be my true self.
I came home from work and was feeling tired but still okay. My dad deadnamed me and I completely just ran out of energy. It takes such a toll to hear someone see you as a person you aren’t.
Elias is such a badass name!!!! (Hope I made you feel a little better, you're still amazing and valid regardless of your gender! ❤) sending you lots of love and hugs from the uk ❤
I had a "friend" in college who was obsessed with trying to figure out my deadname. There was one person on the course who knew cause we went to secondary school together, and she ended up asking them, and then bragging at me that she knew my deadname... yeh I don't talk to her anymore
It is human nature to solve mysteries and figure out problems. Don't be surprised when you put yourself out there and people want to know about your past. That's on you.
@@timflanders5017 It’s no one else’s business to know what someone’s deadname is. That’s why it’s called a deadname. It’s not in use anymore. But to demand to know someone’s old name is just gross.
@Avery Riley OK so apparently Avery is exceptionly triggered by dead names. Now how about rationally explaining it rather than immediately jumping to your emotions. Everyone who has ever changed their name legally, has no problem explaining what the old name was and why they didn't like it. But apparently trans think they are special and that dead names are absolutely taboo. Why do you set yourself apart from other people who have legally changed their name?
@@timflanders5017 Why does anyone who has changed their name be required to tell people their reasons for changing their name? A lot of the time there’s a lot of trauma surrounding trans peoples reasons for changing their name. You haven’t met everyone who has changed their name so you have no ground to say what other people feel comfortable doing.
The ONLY reason somebody should ever know a deadname is if they are going to be talking to a transphobic family member of the trans person. As much as it sucks, speaking from experience with friends it can make the difference between them having a safe living space or not. Even then though, it is still situational and still up to the trans person if they feel comfortable sharing that information.
I'm always super open to answering any questions that people have because I get not understanding things, and the people ik irl are often quite sheltered, but this, THIS is the MOST FREQUENT question I am asked!! i remember a time I was having quite a nice chat with an older guy (someone I knew through a friend), and the transness came up. he asks my deadname, and at the time - dealing with confidence issues, social anxiety and just overall feeling pressured into this - answered him. felt like I was being slowly sucked into a vacuum as the word came out of my mouth; whole body felt numb. he was genuinely curious and went on to tell me about other trans people he knew, and introduced every single person as, "[name], who used to go by [deadname]" like... I don't need to know this!!! why are you telling me??!! I understand curiosity, and I understand wanting to get to know someone better, but why are people so damn fascinated with knowing others' deadnames?!
i'd honestly kinda love being asked about "thuh surgery" cause I know it's stupid and it'd amuse me. deadname however is NOT okay. the "what's in your pants" one is stupid too, but i love some ppl's answers
I was scared for a moment that you were going to say it. I seem to always remember deadnames I've heard and whilst they're safe with me, I don't want to know them. So I was glad you didn't.
There was a substitute teacher once who, long story short, purposely and knowingly used the deadnames of students in the class. All of them (besides my own of course) I didn't know the deadnames of, and the first trans person in the role call just like, shocked me out of my seat. Like it's a feeling I can't describe. In case you're curious, I did actually tell admin about the issue. They definitely did something about it, because she knows I reported her, I'm assuming just a talking-to because she still substitutes.
It infuriates me when people think they are harmlessly joking by calling me my dead name. I’ve had two different bosses do this cause they were “just joking”. I no longer work at either of those places.
Hah. I grew up alongside the internet, so "don't tell people your real name on the internet!" rings in my ears whenever I'm on social media. Which is weird because I'm okay with banking and online shopping. It's just talking to other people where I'm like "No. You don't get to know that."
Omg this! I'm nonbinary and I go by Rory now. Everyone at school calls me that and they know me by Rory. But I only came out after the first few days of this school year, so everyone still remembers my deadname. They don't understand what being trans is or how dysphoria can affect people, so sometimes they will call me by or mention my deadname. I know they don't understand how it affects me but jesus christ it's a lot. Not to mention that I've been asked by many of my online friends what my deadname is, and being the anxious and awkward person that I was, I answered. It's such an awful thing to ask and people don't get how much that shit hurts
Hello yes, what is your deadname? ... Yes the name you feel uncomfortable with that your parents gave you when you were a child and didn't know your gender? ... YoU mEaN yOu'Re NoT gOiNg To TeLl Me? WhY nOt? ... I don't understand people sometimes.
Deadnames are dead. Do you care about what color I painted my nails before I painted them blue? No! So why should you care about what someone WAS if they're not that NOW?
I wrote a story in which a trans man was deadnamed, and...I found I couldn't write his dead name, even though it was an imaginary name. In fact, the narrator of the story said, "I've changed everyone's names, but I find I can't write even a made-up name for Peter's dead name." And I couldn't.
That’s very understandable. Some people (especially trolls) would start calling people by their dead names just to bug them. I have a friend who goes by he/him pronouns but we have to call him she/her and by his dead name around teachers and their parents because they don’t necessarily respect that. They say it sometimes makes them uncomfortable but he understands because it keeps them out of trouble.
Unless its to do a background check by government , federal, or police officer no one else should ask for it or need it for any reason or if absolutely by legal background verification for job or housing it doesn't matter!
"What's your name" - "Lucien." - "But like... you're _real_ name?" - "Lucien." - "But like... you had to have had a name before that..." - "No." The typical convo you get asking about my name. I'm not even lying, I never had a name before I chose my own... Yeah, I had one on paper, but no one ever used it for me, because I rejected it right from the start, so everyone just went "hey you!" and that was that.
I typed “jamie raines” into google the other day (was going to cite some of your videos for an essay on trans rights) and the first think that popped up was “jamie raines birth name”. it’s honestly so gross, I’m so sorry that happens to you jamie
My partner's deadname is one that's pretty uncommon in the English language, and on the rare occasions it's come up (e.g. with doctors before she got her name updated on NHS records), it's often been rapidly followed by the question of "how do you pronounce that?" I respond with, "I pronounce it [her real name]".
When I first met my Friend A, which was like a 2-3 weeks ago, they said "If You feel comfortable with me asking, What is your deadname?" I replied "Sorry I'm not comfortable sharing that Because of past experiences." And after that, They apologized and asked what I'd like to Be called, I answered with my chosen names and they Immediately went "YOUR NAMES ARE BEAUTIFUL" I felt so happy. They've recently told me that they go by they/them instead of she/her and I'm so happy for them
But here you all are because you’re all full of shit. You’re just trying to be virtuous. “It doesn’t matter to me” So much that I still have to watch the video and go to the comment section to let everyone know. It’s always gay people throwing it in everyone’s face then trying to act like nobody should care, likethe easy girl wearing a short skirt complaining guys are looking lmao
My first reaction was ”I don’t want to know”, but I still wanted to watch Jamie’s video. After having spent waay too much thinking about it I decided that Jamie wouldn’t be irresponsible enough to hand out that information, so it’s probably fine
@@puan1211 i clicked on it, hoping he would just say “none of ur business,” which he basically did. after all, his birth name isn’t his name anymore and there’s no reason for anyone to ever know it
I was casually dating a (cis) guy who asked me what my birth name was, to which I kindly explained that I wouldn't be sharing that info and he shouldn't ask that of any trans person because it's hurtful and rude. Dude threw a fit and then wrote me an actual 2 page break up letter (on paper) complaining about how everyone gets so offended over everything these days and why he SHOULD know that information. .. idk if I'm the one being overly sensitive here bud. 😬
YES. This or "What is your REAL name?" A transgender/non-binary person's "real" name is the name they chose to go by and feel comfortable with. Not their deadname.
