My Husband is Addicted to Video Games! What Should I Do? 

A lot of y’all are missing the point. It’s not that he plays video games, it’s that he obsessed over them and places video games before family and responsibilities.

The fact that so many gamers will defend games so vehemently, acting like it’s never a problem while their loved ones suffer due to it shows just how much of a problem it is.

This was a problem that my EX HUSBAND had. It’s sad really. The man I’m with now has never once chosen to play a game over spending time with me and it feels great

Runescape ruining life's relationships since the 90s.

Ack, I'm in this boat with her. I get about 30 to 60 seconds when my husband gets home from work before he's at his computer and no longer reachable. The noise cancelling headphones go on, and here's this person in the house that I can't talk to. I think he really thinks he's spending time with me when he's sitting next to me, but he's in his own world with his online friends. "I'm not a microwave, you can't just push a button and I'm ready to go" >>> I felt that.

The most dangerous and powerful thing video games do is give a sense of meaning and accomplishment. Video games are fine in moderation, but you shouldn't use them to give yourself a sense of meaning, make sure you have other offline hobbies, and none internet friends.

Amazing how people pick on video games. It’s all about moderation. My wife hates that I’m in my garage working on my cars for hours. Your partner will be upset if you’re spending hours upon hours if you’re playing video games, working on your cars, fishing, hanging out with your friends, watching football, drinking alcohol too much, etc. Its all about self control and moderation.

Plot twist, her husband is doctor disrespect 😂😂😂😂

My husband right now . I have mental health problems. I was having anxiety attack he ask me what do you wanna play I asked him to just talk to me for he’s voice helps me . He said well I’m busy playing right now . I’m feel really alone . I feel alone in our marriage. I ask for he’s time but he said my bros are on the game . I’m so mad

I would of left 5 years ago, but I have 2 kids and I can’t support them alone. So I’m going back to school and working to get a good career to provide for my children. Once I get there, it’s time for me to go. I can’t do it anymore.

I get on my games after work; however, I make sure everything around the house is done and I take care of my children first.

disregard women; acquire yew/magic logs

I used to play 6-8 hours a day before i got married. Then i play 3-4 hours a day non stop, 6-12 hours on weekends. then I started realizing that game got really boring and there are not a whole lot of achievements you really gain there .my job feel boring and I couldn’t help feeling suck all the time. So I started going out with my wife more and do outdoor activities. The key is to exhaust my self around the family to the point I won’t even think about game and it work. Now i play at most 1 hour a day and 2 on weekends. My wife never have to ask me twice if I want to cuddle or go somewhere compare to before. Its tough in the beginning to quit gaming , but its worth it.

From experience of you choose gaming over your partner and her needs aren’t being met the relationship fails. Either she will cheat on you and find someone better who gives her the attention or she will stay unhappy and loose feelings that can’t come back.

This isn’t just playing video games this is addiction. Plays more hours in a week than he works. I hope he can get some help.

My girl got fed up and told me I needed to choose between her and games. I miss her sometimes...

John making it sound like only middle schoolers play video games is insane, he’s insanely uneducated on this topic lol

It's annoying when non-gamers talk about gaming...

My husband is addicted to video games. He used to play every waking moment, while he wasn't at work or out of the house (6-8 hrs per day or more). The way you know someone is addicted to something is try to suggest deleting it or getting rid of it, and see how angry they get. If they are ragey, the addiction is horrible. He still plays them every once in a while, but not to the extent he used to (1-2 hrs at a time every now and then). We sat down and had a frank conversation to hash out his addiction and the ways it was affecting our marriage and our baby boy. We discussed how he was avoiding connection, responsibility to be present, and how neglected I felt. I helped him set boundaries with me, and now he plays when we are asleep or doing other things. Now, if I ask him to get off, he gets off within minutes, and is more aware of his surroundings. One of the things I did to show him what it felt like, is I downloaded a game on my phone, put in headphones, and treated him the way he had been treating me and our son. He hated it, and realized just how hurtful it was. I hope this woman can be up front with her husband, draw a line in the sand and set boundaries, and fight for her marriage. Video games aren't evil, but overindulgence in them to the neglect of others, definitely is evil. Hopefully, y'all can get the help you need.

Never marry a serious gamer. Even though it's your spouse who plays, the games will steal from YOUR life.

This is what happened to my husband when our oldest was 4-asked if daddy loved her as much as he loved the games.

I used to be a video gamer , but always real life stuff over video games. I would play 4 hours a day but now it's just 2 hrs I prefer to be working, more rewarding. Too much gaming can leave you weird. Zombie like

My husband is so angry when he is asked to stop playing his games ..he gets on the verge of violent … same he’s been gaming his whole life.. it’s too late to worry about what mom and dad did wrong when the man is full blown grown addict. It’s like dealing with someone addicted to crack Cocaine ( husband is 3 or 4 hours a day and will even play while driving ) to the detriment of everyone else in his life. He has no friends and could care less about his obligations ..I’m thankful he goes to work at least

He better be streaming on Twitch if he's seriously playing that much. I'm 34 and play video games as a good escape from stressful work. I must admit that video games now are so immersive and well design with graphics and gameplay that its not hard to get addicted but to play to the point where you don't play with your own kids is terrible.

I play video games. I am 32 and have a good living. The statement about its a fantasy land with fake people is false. I play with friends that have moved away, have also met some great people on them as well. Some people have differnet ways to socialize and meet people. A social life doesn't always mean going out for dinner or drinks.

Johns first reaction was laughing at this womens husband playing video games. It's a serious issue. It's an addiction. Not really funny. I was addicted for years to one game. I made game time a priority. But now I realize it's hurting me. Taking away from other important things. It's not that the guy is a bad dude, it's just really addicting. I'm not married though, so I suppose I would of gave it up earlier if I was.

$10 says it’s RuneScape. The story lines up with the mobile launch and the fact he’s been playing it so long.

My rule, as mom, was “If I call your name three time, and you do not respond. The games are off for rest of the day.” Not sure if anyone needs that, but there it is.

I played games online with a couple of guys for years and i met them in real life for the first time at my wedding!

I left my ex boyfriend of 2 years because he used video games as a distraction from his real life problems. It was Not fair to me, I felt neglected and I now see video games as a negative thing because that’s all my ex had on his mind. Not to mention, he got into role playing on GTA servers which has a Lot of women as well as his male friends (which were rude imo) from discord servers. Gaming with his friends became his priority, and he gaslighted me to make me feel like I was overreacting which wasn’t the case. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was also cheating on me with the gamer girls that he played GTA with. Smh. I now know not to date a gamer or a guy with parent issues… that was My Mistake.

If your husband is choosing to play video games over being with his family, there is a much deeper problem going on. Nobody in a healthy marriage would choose to spend the majority of their time playing Runescape. Video games are a symptom of a larger problem, not the cause.

I'm realizing I'm watching this video for the second time now. I hope she's found answers. It kills me because I am this woman, except add 2 more kids, husband working/gaming from home since the pandemic. Mix in adult ADD, ODD, childhood trauma and poor eating habits. It's the perfect storm.

others don't realize that Excessive video gaming in adults can usually stem from a issue currently either at home or at work, also as a tool for dealing with stress and so many other things so keep that in mind when in a relationship with someone who is like this

I have played video games for years and find it therapeutic, able to build creativity and socially engaging when MODERATELY played. The issue in the past was the VAST amount of time I spent as an adolescent on it. I used to spend 8-10 hours to the point of getting minor headaches with all the lights flashing in my face and excessive eye strain focused on one screen without adequate breaks. Too much can SEVERELY damage the brain and our effectiveness in face-to-face relationships. Now when I play I put my timer on. Sometimes 45 minutes or an hour, usually 90 minutes or 2 hours the most

First of all, "they're not real" is not correct. MMOs have real people playing. Some groups even have IRL meetups. Often times people who are introverts open up more to people on the internet. Technology addiction is real. She wouldn't notice it as much if they both played video games together as a team. And there are many adults who play games. They are not all "middle school kids." But it could be related to mental health. Our whole family plays video games... and sometimes together. They can be a way of connecting to each other, or they can drive you apart. It's a hobby, much like anything else.

Most women have this issue . My husband gets pissy when he’s playing too

I cried to this so hard.. God, my heart is out there to anyone who is dealing with addiction, I grow up in a family like that and is a chronic disease for every member.. hope they find the help they need 🙏

I have to say Dr D is way off on video games. The caller's husband is out of control. But there's nothing wrong or evil about video games. Just like there's nothing wrong or evil about watching sports. There are limits to everything. But to claim that gamers are trying to live in a fantasy as an escape from reality is pretty hypocritical. Does Dr D watch ficitional or dramatic movies? Does Dr D read fiction? Does he read books with his kids and cultivate imagination? Does he appreciate art? I mean all of these things are entertainment and their purpose is creativity, imagination, joy, etc. There is nothing wrong with an adult who plays a video game from time to time. Same as there is nothing wrong with an adult who enjoys watching a movie that isnt strictly for educational purposes. Now an adult (or child) who plays 5 hours of video games a day on the regular is out of control. Same as someone who watches 5 hours of sports every day, or someone who watches 5 hours of movies every day, or someone who reads books for 5 hours every day. Any of these things done in excess is ridiculous. But it's sad to see an enlightened, educated, man of medicine completely unable to recognize that there is essentially no difference between a video game and a movie or a book. Except that the video game is actually more interactive and just as full of imagination and such. Maybe I'm misunderstanding him, but he seemed very condescending overall to any type of gamer. Boomers have been making this ridiculous stance for decades. Also when he mentioned smashing your kids controllers... oof. Bad parenting recommendation. Never destroy your children's things. Doesn't matter if you bought it or they are abusing it by spending too much time on it. You can remove it from the situation temporarily and make them earn it back and if it remains an issue maybe even sell it or just remove it for a longer period of time. But don't destroy something your child cherishes (unless it's drugs, alcohol, or something else that kids obviously shouldn't have)lol. That's emotional abuse, not parenting. You don't need to hurt your kids to reshape or redirect them to better behavior and a more balanced lifestyle.

PlayStation 5 and Xbox coming out this year

I came from a family that didn't allow any games in the house. I still ended up addicted to games. it has more to do with the way that he was raised and the way that he copes with the world. for me I wasn't allowed games but my parents had no time for me so I was always that the neighbors house playing games with my friends.

Wow, what an eye opener for you, John!

OSRS For sure

How many hours do we all spend on our phones? That would be interesting!

“I didn’t know until after the marriage” seems like a common phrase. Also 4 years of marriage ? She probably planning for divorce too. 4 years is nothing compared to a 20 year marriage. Wish them luck

I completely agree with the fact that the guy is addicted and that is a problem. But, it wasn’t his mom or dads fault that he is addicted as an adult and it isn’t parents job to make sure that there kids don’t play video games. The guy just needs to create balance in his life. I play video games too but not when I could be spending time with my wife, family, or friends. It’s all about balance.

Is she talking about my hubby?! 16 years of marriage and I have been dealing with this…. I do the same fit but it ends up with a 3 hr screamfest and it hurts our 4 kids. Its always a new game to play!! When we were in college and dating he was not that into video games either and was different… marriage and responsibilities of growing up stressed him out and BAM video games started up. He played a little growing up and his younger bro was the gamer. Now its what he seems to live for, not me and our homeschooling 4 kids he claims he adores but never spends time with, not our relationship, not involvement in church… its all video games! Mine works a full time job but comes home and only does stuff around the house if “mommy” ahem, me his wife shows him what to do and will “get around to it”. Stays up late and then complains how tired he is in the morning. Ignores our relationship unless I do something unless he wants sex…. Expects me to want to be with him. Losing weight didnt work, now someone at church has a mutual attraction with me and I am being a good girl and not engaging in it but man it is hard when you are getting appreciated by someone else who is attracted to you while your hubby ignores you and expects you to put a ton of effort while he gets the high life! It is hard to be good when your male friend pays more attention to you and your kids than your hubby does! Man, my hubby knows I had an attraction to him but not that its reciprocated…. Still isnt a motivation!!! Hubby has NO idea how lucky he is I have integrity and morals!!! Regret is a hard pill to swallow!!

Might want to check in and see if he has ADHD. My fiancé has this tends to hyper focus on video games. We are learning how to deal through different coping methods regarding behavior change and so on.

I think if he doesn't change that she should seriously think of leaving him

My guess is that he's OSRS he's playing. It's not just a game, it's a substitution for the dopamine hit of goal setting and achievement. I used to be addicted to these games but it taught me I was extremely goal oriented so I rechanneled that addiction into financial goals and now I'm addicted to saving and investing and tracking my net worth I used to skip meals to play games now I skip meals to save money to invest

There is nothing wrong with video games. Just like some other addictions the problem comes when there is problem behaviors. If it interferes with your relationships and responsibilities then it is a problem.

Video games are legitimately addictive. There is a chemical reaction in the brain that happens during these games. I see nothing wrong with an adult playing online games in moderation but that should always come third to your children and marriage. His number one priority when he gets home from work should be to connect and engage with his child.

These "addictions" are getting out hand. Maybe he can go to video game rehab and hopefully he doesn't relapse and have a video game overdose

I used to play video games 6-12 hours a day when I was a kid. Then I realized moderation is pretty important. I focused on my career while still gaming and now I own my home and car and I am debt-free. I still game today and have a happy relationship. All moderation. :)

I thought i was alone than i looked up stuff like this i need to leave this relationship 🤷🏾‍♀️

Here’s my issue. Gaming to me is a way to decompress. My wife decompresses by sleeping. And then complains that I’m “absent” when I’m on the game. When she naps, I’m with the kids. When I game, she’s with the kids. On days that I work, I play maybe an hour or 2 a day, while she’s at home with the kids (aside from feeding them and changing diapers, she watches her favorite shows). Now, on my days off, when she’s not napping, I could spend 5,6 maybe 7 hours a day playing. I don’t see my friends AT ALL in person (I just don’t have that type of relationship with my friends) so me “hanging out” with my friends is spending several hours with them (on my days off) gaming. While she actually hangs out with her friends in person while I work or even when I’m home. I just want different opinions on why I’m wrong or right… and why she’s wrong or right. I’m open to all opinions and won’t judge. Edit: we spend time together. As a family. My post made it sound like we never spend time together. We don’t go out much as a family because financially it’s hard to. My wife and I LOVE watching shows together which usually happens after the kids are asleep. Which is about 2 hours a night (every single night) on work nights.

This is very relatable! This is perfect for my next VIDS 👍

I love video games but my wife and my kids come first. I'll play a couple hours at night or where I can and that's good enough for me

I have this problem for 15 years with my ex. Lady he won't stop, sorry..🙏

Video games are so addictive. It often takes someone trying to quit a few times before it sticks. I used to game a lot in highschool. 2-4 hours after school and on weekends. The best way for me to quit was to have my schedule packed so when I got to working age I started working evenings and weekends and the other days hungout with friends. Haven't played since.

So glad I never married my video game addicted ex boyfriend. This would be my life. My husband isn’t a gamer and I’m so happy. I’d never again date someone who gamed. They all get addicted.

Love retro gaming but hardly touch the stuff because I have a wife and kids. I don’t feel cheated out of game time.

My husband has never been able to compromise video game hours , he will promise then forgets a day later . 3 kids and 13 years later im finally exhausted all my patients.

No video games in our house. Tv is tucked away only for purposeful viewing. "How we spend our days, of course, is how we spend our lives." - Annie Dillard

Nobody ever quits Runescape. We only take long breaks. Welcome back man.

I'm a recovering video game addict, father and husband. It's definitely an addiction. It's an escape, and for it got worse when I was stressed out. He needs to find ways to replace it with another type of escape thats not so addictive. Maybe board games, sports, music, etc.

Why no video games whatsoever? It seriously should not be such a problem. I definitely agree that hours and hours is too much, but video games can be every bit as relaxing as other hobbies. I play video games, I lift 6 days a week(my favorite), I make music, I hunt, I go on walks, I do lots. Why are we shaming people who play video games?

I feel so bad for her! He needs to realize for himself that he has a problem before anything changes.

i dont agree with some of what john says (i.e russian middle schoolers) but this guy is playing entirely too much. id call myself a gamer but once my first son was born that all went out the window from day 1. i think it’s reasonable to get an hour here, an hour there, and still be a present and responsible father. But those 8 hour marathons are gone, and any young fathers to be out there should go ahead and come to terms with that now. On the bright side, it’s entirely worth it. No virtual achievement can ever relate to the pride and meaning you get from truly raising a kid.

I think it is a matter of finding balance. Video games in it of itself are not bad. Addiction to them is. My wife and I play games regularly. I play games with my kids regularly. But, we also balance it by doing cookouts, bonfires, playing soccer, cards, whatever. I respect John Delony and have learned a great deal from him. But I think he's off base on this one. The games themselves are not a poison that needs to be avoided entirely. But like anything, choosing to partake in moderation is the key.

The answer to this problem is simple , if the man finds enjoyment in something it’s wrong.

I must meet that dude, so we can game together!

If you're playing 3-4 hours a night after work, there goes your whole evening.

I’m at this point and it sucks that I let it get this bad. My daughter is 4 and I don’t give or my fiance the attention they deserve because I’m addicted to my games. I always had them and my parents did not restrict the use of games. But it’s not their fault that Im addicted. I got no idea how to break this cycle.

All of us video gamers need to create our limits now too because the implementation of pornography into video games is becoming less and less subtle. We're on the front lines of experiencing 2 very complex addictions meshing together for the first time, complimenting each other.

I play in my free time but only for an hour or two nowadays due to other responsibilities and I get bored very easily when it comes to games now. However, when I was a lot younger I would game up until the next day sometimes lol. This sounds like an extreme case of addiction and I hope he gets the help he needs before he tears his family apart in the dumbest way possible.

How are more people not talking about how watching sports is no better than video games and in many cases worse?

Thanks for this video John. A few months ago I deleted all my video games for the same problem. Family is always more important

I have a husband who has been addicted to just being on the computer, games included since we've been married. Going on 10 years almost.

If he is the only one working then the stress is overwhelming. Men need space after working all day.

My children have asked for a video game system for 5 years. I've kindly told them (each time they ask) I will not bring one in the house. My kids already have tablets and chrome books that I ask them to put down, WHY would I bring another problem into my house? Parents start saying no to your kids will give the kids interesting stories when they are older.

The flippant 'they arent real people' comment is as absurd as this lady's husband playing 8+ hours a day on a consistent basis. Ive met 4 folks I played with, 1 is my best friend and we hang out in person periodically now. That said, 2-3 hours seems like the reasonable max with a non gamer wife and a kid. If she's not exaggerating, which doesn't seem to be the case, he definitely has a problem.

Thank you for this.

I went back to playing video games recently. I always do the my part of the work around the house first. And I play remotely trough my Ipad while my wife watches TV. Usually I get to play 2-3 days of the week, 1 to 2 hours. In the weeks sometimes I get more time, but not always. I obviously can't play an MMORPG like this. But I still get to play some nice games.

Those that game together, stay together in most cases. Once, I knew this Twitch husband put his online friends he didn't know IRL first before his wife and 3 kids and then they got divorced 🤷‍♀️ I don't blame her at all, the man was OBSESSED

I don’t think people understand the severity of certain games. Unless you were someone or know someone who was addicted to like world of Warcraft or League of legends or those types of games. They literally drive people to stray away from society. It can get as bad as a drug addict breaking from a 5+ year addiction. I’m not condoning this behavior, I’m just wanna give people a perspective that haven’t played videos games to how bad this is.

Listening to this while playing WoW!

This woman is amazing. I'd definitely drop any game for a girl like that. I kinda had that but it ended

Sounds like a real catch good job.

It's truly sad and the disconnect is ever so painful The feeling of being second and third to a video game And it's community 😢 it's almost as hurtful as being cheated on when all you want to do is be part of his world But there's no space for you So you suck it up and swallow your pill and go on with your day because you love that person and they got very little room for change so you learn live with it

I set boundaries with my kids and video games, but when my son started sneaking games at night, I took the controller and drilled a hole in it (it was a wiiu) and returned it to where he had last left it. He never did talk to me about it, but then again the message was VERY clear.

There is no solution. I had to divorce my husband over video games.

Honestly making fun of men playing video games is immature to begin with. Playing is the most natural way of interacting with our environment and our most effective way of learning. Sure what she describes is excessive addiction and unhealthy execution. But the fact itself that an adult plays video games is nothing bad at all. It just has to fit into every other part of their lives and they cant ignore their responsibilities.

Yes its rejection period if we dont leave they will never change

These Runescape comments! 😂😂😂

This is exactly what I’m going through. My fiancé is so addicted to the video game. It’s a major turn off… he’s lost In the madden with his friends like it’s real life. We’ll leave the house and he’s in the phone with his friends taking about the game we get home he’s on the video game getting mad at us if he is losing. Then when he’s finally done playing he comes to bed and tries to sleep with me and gets mad that I’m not in the mood. I am completely turned off. I’m ready to leave I could care less I do everything for the house, the kids, the cooking and working. The kids even point it out, I’ll leave for work and he’s not watching them because he’s in the video game. We never got on dates let alone conversations he’s hyper fixated in the game. It’s always worse during football season. I’m so ready for the season to be over. The video games are a huge issue!

You have to play THE game while you game fellas. Make sure the dishes are cleaned and not in the sink, doggo is fed and walked, give the house a quick dust, prep some din din before your partner gets home.... and game away :) Love the girl I'm with and I know that leveling up in Fallout 4 is not what I'll cherish in the long run. I miss the hell out of the gaming time though lmao

I'll defend the husband here. Videogames is a great outlet for depression / every day pains. Yes I get it. It's weird but it's a quick way to talk to the friends who you really don't see all the time. Yes you get a sense of accomplishment and sense of belonging with a community. The problem with the husband in my opinion is he couldn't balance that with a wife, which should be ALL priority before videogames. I don't like that people frown upon videogames. It's a great way to relive stress. The husband just probably doesn't know how to balance and that's the conversation to be had.

My blood is boiling because I wake up in the middle of the night to just the dog .. ON WORK NIGHTS. and it’s just gross that we’re full blown adults going to work on 4 hours of sleep.

Wow my husband is like this with the news

Social media is just as addicting as video games and tvs. Stay alert