My Wife Feels Left Out by My Parents (I Don’t Agree) 

She’s living the dream. A Mother in Law who minds her own business? Sounds like heaven to most wives.😂

When I first started dating my husband, I mentioned the his sister didn't appear to like me. He just told her that, directly. She contacted me and clarified that she is just quiet. 30 years later we are still good friends. I was horrified at the moment.

The key to happiness is usually low expectations. 😂

"How long have ya'll been married?" "A year and a half" "O.k. there we go" "Yep" 😂

You can’t force relationships. My husband’s family has never reciprocated. I stopped trying and not giving a crap about them has been the best thing.

His family "doesn't know" how to reciprocate? Yet, he grew up there and he somehow knows how to reciprocate. I guess I'm jaded. My mom in law used to insist on "family" photos that included the grandkids and her kids and not the daughter in laws. Does that seem strange? It seemed rude to me and my fellow sister in law.

Comparison games can kill interpersonal relationships

I think he hit the nail on the caller said we are over here a successful couple not causing any drama. I had a sister who was a terrible alcoholic that started in her later years say late 30's and on escalating in her 50's. She ultimately died of it. During that time I would say 90% of my parents attention was spent trying to save her. I went through a period of time that I resented that because I was successful and me nor my kids were getting much grandmother and grandfather attention. When they did call me much of the time was spent talking about what could be done for my sister and saving my sister, Then I realized that she knew I was going to be ok regardless so she was just trying to save the daughter who was not ok. When I realized that I let it go. I had wonderful parents RIP mom and dad.

If the Mother-in-law was smart, she would jump for joy to have a DIL who wanted a relationship with her. I tried to have one with mine and she treated me poorly. After 12 years, I gave up trying.

If the wife or the husband is keeping score the spouse can’t win.

Understandably, the wife can't really empathize with all that her mil is going through. It's also understandable that she was hurt that her birthday was mostly ignored after all she's been doing to help her husband's famly.

In my family you only got gifts on birthdays and Christmas. Other families show love differently. Sometimes that difference can make you feel unloved.

I love the way he described his family’s Easter 😂🩵

It took almost 20 years for me and my father in law to build a relationship. I adore him, he is the only person who actually talks to our kids and loves them unconditionally. It's not been easy, we hated each other for years. But relationships take work, forgiveness, grace and time. It's too soon.

I can relate to this girl... there isn't much effort at relationship with my in-laws, yet they really would like all of our free time. They love connecting with their kids but we spouses are left out on the wings. I'm often feeling very lonely in a room full of people. Maybe I am immature also, like everyone seems to be leaping toward in these comments, or maybe we're just realizing our expectations and desire for relationship are not likely ever going to be reality and it's hard to release that sometimes... especially when you're in those early, insecure years of marriage and building a family. I'm taking notes about the kind of MIL I want to be though!!

I have a similar hx ,but im almost 15 yrs in. She needs to let it go. She can only control her actions and the sooner she realizes this, the more peace she will have. Dont let other ppls actions dictate how you are, always be the person you want to be.

His family is going through a hard time and she’s helpful and that’s great, but helpful with conditions. If my parents died, someone else’s birthday would be the last thing on my mind. Plus everyone is different. Not everyone is into birthdays or big celebrations. She has to understand it’s not about her. She sounds young, spoiled and immature. She has a lot of maturing to do. Great advice Dr. John.

Are you kidding me? The mom’s parents died within six months apart and they are having some other issues going on with the family. they sent her a happy birthday text acknowledging her birthday and she’s not happy with that. I mean how old is she 15? This is not the time to celebrate nobody’s birthday. The mom is grieving. How selfish can you be

I can’t deal with gifts and cards and what not like that, I don’t come from that culture, my husband’s family knows that and respect that limitation. We gotta meet each other where we’re all at… We can’t expect from others what we think should be done only, we have to account for people’s abilities…

My husbands family doesnt do much for bdays, Christmas etc. My family goes all out. That was evident when we dated...I dont think his family has to change for her. Cant he just tell her my family doesnt do that?

My MIL gave us $50 for our wedding but paid 20k for his brothers. They asked us for money while I was pregnant not the other 2 kids just my husband and I. They do cake and ice cream for b-day for everyone but me. They out right told me they don't care about my family seeing grand kids. They used to see us every 4-6 weeks. When we had a baby they showed up every 3 days. Then they wanted to know why I was mad they wanted my kid to come over Christmas day without me. That's rude stuff just because. Just saying I would love to not be treated differently. But I am and will be for the rest of my life.

I think Dr John you got this one wrong. I empathize with the wife. The wife shouldn’t be penalized because she doesn’t have kids or chaos in her life. This is what some family get it wrong. I have three sister in-laws and two of them have kids and the one who doesn’t have children is often ignored. I see my mother in law constantly helping the two with children, and doing activities with them. The one without children gives so much to her niece and nephews. During Christmas or birthdays I always make sure her present are 3 times what everyone gets 😂😂😂.

I think Jon handled the call very well, wife needs to be called out on her crap and husband needed to feel validated for feeling how he feels. And now he has a plan of action, love it!

I’m in exact situation. My husband and I have a healthy, stable relationship and WE have a great relationship with my family. We do spend time and all the family things lol. On the other hand, his family isn’t sociable. When they come over, they just say hi and that’s it. All the conversations is to my husband and don’t talk to me at all. My parents live 6 hours from me and they (or I) visit every month and his family live 25 MINS and only visited us twice last year lol 😅 I’m not expecting a special treatment from his family, I just want a friendship or something you know. They don’t care to know me at all. So I just gave up.

Wife vs Mom? No contest. 100% the wife!

What I say which is what the wife should transition into… is grieve the kind of family dynamics you wanted to have with the in-laws if they don’t make adjustments over time, and you can create those family traditions you desire with your husband, your side of the family, and children when you have them. What has helped me is accepting that I can’t change people, but I have the power to change ME. p.s. I get birthday texts all the time, I’m good with that 🤣🤣🤣 … yes I get late birthday gifts also, but texts to me means I don’t have to take several phone calls on my birthday, which to me is tiring bc I’m a talker, and on my birthday I just want to relax! ❤️

I dont buy gifts. I dont want people buying me gifts. If you buy me a gift I will not go out and buy you a gift.

Whether they are in the storm or not, it’s never OK to be ignored/discounted. I feel for this wife firsthand, although it was my own mother putting me on the side burner not my mother-in-law.

I understand somewhat how the wife feels although I’m an only child. The issue was more with my grandparents among the grandchildren. I grew up as the unproblematic grandchild so in a lot of ways I felt like my grandparents gave my cousin a lot more attention. She was always getting in trouble like skipping school, sneaking out, experimenting with drugs, did a hit and run in my granddaddy’s car and some other stuff I won’t say where the police got involved. My parents were more of a support system for me while hers were largely out of the picture. Her dad skipped out completely after the divorce and her mom was in and out of psychiatric hospitals after that. However, being a child/teen I saw it as they give her more attention even though I get good grades and win trophies. Over time I realized my grandparents did this because they felt like she needed more attention from them than I did and it was true. Not saying they totally ignored me. Later my cousin complained that my grandparents were always comparing her to me. So I found out they were saying “why can’t you be more like AnnDee.” Not a great predicament to be in. Also not everyone is the lovey dovey emotional type. My dad isn’t and sometimes it has hurt me that I go to him when I feel heartbroken and he’s giving me an analytical response when I just want a shoulder to cry on. I decided to accept that’s just not who he is.

Good morning from Omaha, Dr. Delony! I loved your little song about our city in the intro 🥰

Grown adults wanting over the top attention on their birthdays is straight up obnoxious. I get it with your spouse… but extended family?

Such great advice Dr John. I have such a great MIL but in our early years I really did not understand her. My husband was a really good bridge for both of us and we’ve grown to be very close through the years. The blessing of that has been carried to the next generation as my son is that bridge of understanding between me and my DIL. Honestly I wish there were more books on navigating in-law relationships!

A great book to read before moving in with someone is "Lies at the Alter." Very basic day to day things are discussed. Marriage is the little in your face day to day things.

Of course we don't know the wifes story.

Narcissists tend to over emphasize birthdays and view others' suffering as an intentional deficit of attention paid to the narcissist.

If you start off with the goal of having an amazing relationship with someone before you actually have the amazing relationship, you never will.

None of the integrating families is easy. My son dated and then was engaged to his now wife for fourteen years! They literally grew up together in their adult life. She is a very difficult person to get close to, it is a long story, and she has very valid reasons. I have tried really hard to not smother her with love, because it makes her uncomfortable. So it has been such a balancing act to be open, accepting, and not overstepping. Two years ago our son descended into alcoholism, we weren’t aware of the extent. He has always had a bad relationship with alcohol, when he drinks he becomes belligerent. But we didn’t know it had become truly problematic until he informed us he was going into detox. Neither of them shared anything. So over the following six months we called, texted, helped them keep their yard in shape over the summer because they both worked long hours. But while we thought things were getting better, they were getting worse. Eventually he went into a thirty day in-house rehab. In my opinion it was an utter waste of time because there was really no therapy, nearly zero medical supervision which is very dangerous, and except forgiving her a break from his bad behavior it was unsuccessful. During that time we continued to go over and mow their lawn, and brought him things he needed or wanted or needed once a week. I sent her one or two texts a week offering any help she might need, took her to and from the airport so she could go see her dad for a few days, and our daughter filled in to care for their cats. When this was all over our son asked if we would try to mend fences because she didn’t feel supported while he was in the rehab center. I feel really sad because I really don’t know how to fix this, I love her, and I did what we had been doing, and thought if she needed more she would ask. Thankfully he did, on his own with her support, get off of alcohol and has not taken up a different addiction. They are doing really well, and a year after he had his last drink they got married. But it still weighs on my mind and heart because I never sat down and talked to her, I , a person who has a word for every occasion, am completely at a loss of how to approach.

Why do all these things do the "studio effect", where at the last 30 seconds you cut off the caller so they cant speak, and do this speech at the end? Why?

This is just like our family. Grandma-in-law is always putting out fires for all the other siblings chaos. We aren't on fire so they forget we exist. It can be lonely and feel neglectful but you have to, in a way, take it as a compliment and give selflessly. We send out the cards and gifts to make someones day, knowing we won't get anything in return.

When you get married, you are marrying your spouses family as well… people don’t think about that. So if an affectionate, considerate, warm and loving family is that important to you… make sure those boxes are checked ✔️ BEFORE getting married. You can’t change the way your spouse is, you DEFINITELY can’t change the way his entire family is. With that said, considering how available and there for his family she is, how she goes out of her way for them, I don’t think it’s too much to ask that they do more than send a text message on her birthday & I think they’re being selfish & entitled and she’s investing more into the relationship than they are. She has every right to be upset & her husband should’ve started off his phone call with THAT, rather than immediately painted her out to be unreasonable, irrational and bratty and THATS my main concern, he views her that way, when she’s not, he makes excuses for his family, rather than being supportive of his wife.

Um, I don't think it's his family's job to conform their culture to the wife's demands. Rather than forcing his whole family to get on board for his wife's birthday when it is likely something they don't do for their own children, HE can be the one to be over the top for her birthday, since he is the one creating a life with her and this is what it looks like in their household. AND she may need to understand that his family speaks love in different ways than her family. For example, his family may not be overly demonstrative, but if you are moving, they will all show up with a truck and boxes. They may not get crazy with a birthday, but when she needs to go back to her family for some family emergency, maybe his family are the ones that will take care of the kids and house so that she can do that. Love is spoken in different ways.

Bonnie Rhatt said it best....'cause I can't make you love me if you don't......

Being married for the first 2 years is about anchoring in in rough water. Your finances, home, and beliefs change for both spouses. Then his mother is dealing with an addict, another rough water situation. Her mother seems to be at peace with things, so I'd anchor into that relationship until things calm down. Stop comparing the relationships with someone at peace, vs. someone who has been knocked flat.

It is absolutely bizarre to me to read comments on these videos. It really blows my mind. I’ll put it this way-it makes me appreciate how someone in Dr John’s position can take these calls, listen to them, and not allow their own crap to dictate what they tell others. I can’t get my head around ppl who tell him his advice is “bad” or “wrong” bc “when I experienced this it made me feel _____, and that’s never ok” or whatever. I thought the whole point of listening to these calls was to expand your own perspective, not to sit there and judge the advice given to someone else. At the very least, to understand that other ppl are not you, other situations are not yours, and telling someone what to do based on your own situation is not necessarily the right approach. Dr John is the one they’re asking for help, so for ppl to feel so entitled to tell him he’s wrong on his own show, even if it’s just in the comments, is kinda crazy to me. Especially when you can so easily see that they’re not able to detach themselves from their own experiences. Idk, I started reading comments here and there thinking it would help flesh out certain perspectives, but it’s done the opposite, it’s just made me see how self-absorbed ppl can really be. Some of the comments are great, and you can tell the person saying them is coming from a place of caring, but most of the time it’s just ppl trying to tell other ppl what to do bc “I would never put up with that”, or “that person is a narcissist”. It’s been eye opening, for sure.

Why can't some people just let relationships grow naturally and respect other people's space and pacing? Give and help out when you can and stop demanding reciprocation. It's not healthy to only give with the expectation of receiving.

To be truly generous, you have to expect nothing in return. Otherwise, you are not a giver, you are an exchanger. I give something and I get something. Considering that there are so many fires, either you help or you get out of the way.

I think John is kinda off here. I think the wife feeling left out isn't about being selfish. I think she wants to feel needed and loved and may not know how to get in there and 'be' important to the in laws.

People receive & accept love differently. You could walk past me on my birthday & it wouldn’t change a thing; others would think you forgot them. Maybe their parents forgot their birthday. For whatever reason, his wife needs affirmations or she doesn’t feel liked/loved.

Wow - magic ever since!

I don't think his parents should have to step up. I think the wife needs to understand both sets of parents are different and she probably isn't going to get treated like her parents treat her. She needs to get real. The world doesn't revolve around her. Ugh!

No way would I entertain a grown woman crying about not getting certain stuff or attention for her birthday. Especially, just because her mom decided to do that for him.

I'm surprised the couple hadn't figured out that the family situation/upbringings were very different. The celebrate milestones different and it takes time to adjust or accept those differences. I don't think parents try to favor one adult child/family over the other, but the parents are maybe more reactive to situations, instead of proactive.

I’ve been in the wife’s position but thankfully I was glad to have space from the in laws. They had a solid busy life with their large family that lived locally, so a childless daughter in law with a completely different lifestyle and life viewpoint was a very low priority to them. But they were kind people who loved when I showed up and spent quality time being a part of their celebrations. Merging families is tough and I hope I’m lucky next time around if that happens.

His life will get very tiring very fast if he’ll become the “facilitator” to ensure her wants are met every time… His wife needs to get over herself and eat some humble pie… People are different, families are different… Get over it…

His wife sounds exhausting

I’m from a text on your birthday family. I honestly am happy with that. My husband is from an expensive gifts on your birthday family. He manages his family and I manage mine 😂

I almost got married. My mom had zero say in anything. My would be wife would have been number avove EVERYTHING because I am a man.

I believe that if your wife actually just spend time with your mom . Visit and chat about family, old times when her children were younger. , family memories, this gets people closer together. The more effort put into the relationship, the more your get out of it . One needs to put their own needs and desires aside and put others first.

They celebrate your birthday, seems that is what I heard, so not even a call, what does she do for her in laws, does she do a card? But the in laws seem like they don't like her,

I left my amazing husband because his mother was a true monster in law . Sometimes it’s not worth staying where you’re not wanted

It is inconceivable to me that any person would want more involvement from their damn in laws. It took me 20 years before my in-laws learned to respect my family's privacy.

What if this has been the situation for the past 17 years? The other two children refuse to fully get their act together in different ways? I have asked my mother-in-law two different times for help raising my son with special needs. Both times she was in another state or plans to go to the other seat to help the other in law.

I get her perspective. All of my family loves and showers my husband with attention. I tried to cultivate relationships with my husbands family and they were always full of excuses, in both good and bad seasons. That’s fine, when we have kids don’t come over 😂

In my family we don’t do things to get things in return, we help each other just because we want to. Because that’s just what family should do for each other. Christmas is a big deal in my house because it’s about the whole family but birthdays not so much. Every family has a different dynamic but to expect people to make a big deal out of your birthday is immature. It’s always nice to get a gift or a card but it’s immature as an adult to not be able to realise that you aren’t always going to be a priority (even on your birthday) and that people have stuff going on in their lives. 🤷🏼‍♀️

My mum gives more time to my siblings and their kids is because my siblings need more support and I don’t see that as offensive. My husband and I had the kids and always ensure our kids are our responsibility. If my parents come and show love great if not seriously I won’t sit here cry about it

His wife should let it go, if the parents are not the over affectionate type or they are going through a lot then she should drop it

She sounds like a whiner. When you give you don’t expect to receive back. Quite honestly she sounds to have been spoiled. Imagine thinking ‘hand me downs’ are a sign of a poor family life 😂 we’re pretty well off and I love hand me downs for my kids! Seriously. Tell your wife to cut the crap. The family doesn’t seem to have done anything disrespectful. You can’t force someone to act the way you want. I would find it very weird if the husband goes to his mom and tell her to shower his wife on her birthday 😂 bad advice John. The wife needs to also accept that the MIL doesn’t do that to anyone

I'm a hands off MIL. Thats how I am with everyone including my grandkids. I don't celebrate 🤷 .

I think it’s a mistake to expect the spouses family to adapt to how you grew up and meet all those expectations. She needs to grow up his family has other priorities right now

Disagree. For him to tell his folks that his wife (childishly) expects to be fawned-over is just so wrong! Forcing THEM to adopt HER values, is wrong on so many levels.

I feel so sorry for the wife. The husband'd family sucks clearly.

She needs to manage her expectations and be a little less needy.

The wife is living on recruit difficulty.

I think Dr John dropped the ball on this one.

Just because he family showers presents on each other doesn't mean his family has to do it. It's somewhat vulgar after a certain age to get your nose out of joint for not getting much in the way of presents especially when her mother-in-laws life is desperate right now

Why would an adult expect anything on her bday more than a happy bday wish?

The wife feels unappreciated. Since she helps his family out a lot.

I love my daughter in law, I don’t want to intrude or be overbearing make her feel like I’m up her ass so I don’t harass and stalk her lol but I want to I want that baby 😂

This situation with James/wife/mother-in-law sounds so overly complicated and over the top to me with all these people looking for affirmation, credit, strokes, being "liked", inclusion in this and that. It sounds like someone is looking for the Big Payoff. These relationships are not to be found at ATMs.

What they’re doing isn’t help. It’s manipulation. Showing up in ppls life and doing things for them while keeping score with the expectation of them becoming something they’ve never been is condescending and narcissistic.

I suspect the wife feels unappreciated, for her trying to do the right thing and being helpful. It could be that the rest of the family being too wrapped up in their own dramas and not realising, or they are just 'takers', and no appreciation in the long term will happen.

Im going to be one of the outliers who defends the wife. Mom sounds like she has social problems. Literally, all of the research shows how damaging ignoring attempts at bonding can be to relationships. It seems the wife is trying to bond with his family because she was raised by a healthy family, so she can't understand why his mom isn't putting in the effort. Honestly, i would just stop trying and focus on my own family of origin, then invite my husband into my family of origin. The husband hasnt experienced her families dynamic for very long, so it probably still feels odd, but over time, he will start to see that her family has a much healthier dynamic. And for everyone criticizing the wife, ask yourself which family you would rather grow up in, hers or his.

I will buy my child whatever i want for her birthday. She has a boyfriend. That doesnt make me obligated to go all out for his... I would never want a present from somebody if it wasnt their choice to get it for me...

This guy needs to get divorced immediately. He is still in the honeymoon phase and he is dealing with this. Run!

She sounds entitled and narcissistic

I feel like DILs have to realize that MILs do not choose these relationships. I am only a DIL right now but as my kids are growing up these kinds of calls terrify me. Is some woman going to enter my life who is going to be mad I don’t cater to her preferences? I think is better to have zero expectations of other women. I have never criticized my MIL. If my husband has an issue, I will support him or her as I see it, but I have no personal expectations. I get frustrated when people put their expectations on me, so I don’t do that back. The only expectation I have is for honesty and integrity. 🤷🏼‍♀️

She wants to be closer to her mother-in law. I really wish she was on this call to defend herself. Because I don’t think you guys understand how women think.

I could understand if the mil showered her other daughters in law with gifts and didn’t do anything for his wife but this does not seem to be the case. The wife needs to stop the bs and accept not everybody needs to b like her parents

She sounds young and very immature(failure to launch). Kind of like how a teenager would think honestly. Hopefully there's a learning curve(it just takes.some of us longer) and she learns to back of the reigns a bit. If you all ever have kids, she'll see why the grandkids got first billing. It's kind of like when you think you're a dog mom then you actually have your own baby and think 'was I high or what?'

LOL, I wish my in laws would just leave me and my husband alone to just exist together on our birthdays and holidays.

Read The Five Love Languages, take the quiz, exchange answers with one another, and try not to worry too much about whether or not your in-laws are speaking your language. 😊This poor mother-in-law is in the thick of it and has to make oxygen choices. 😒

It’s not a competition she needs to chill. If they obviously didn’t like her that would be one thing but everyone is different every family has a different dynamic. My family is completely different than my husbands family and that’s ok. His wife seems really petty.

The wife needs to lower her expectations then she will be fine

How old is she 12? I'm lucky to even get a text on my birthday from my family and it doesn't bother me one bit

Why should they cater to this woman's wants? Tell her to get over herself.

Oh the title - this is gonna be bad. NO! Listen, do you choose the woman who supported your past or the one supporting your future? Because the one supporting your future might take that personally enough to say “marry your mom. May as well. You’re single now” with some big fat Divorce papers. What a rub. *Unless* the wife is being abusive toward you or toward your mom. Then… in that case - good riddance to bad rubbish ;o) That was my general advice off the title. Not that anyone calls for that. The beacon back to relational sanity here is clearly Deloney. Ok, listening now… uhm. She’s pissed off that you get showered with love by her family and that she gets a text from yours? Whaaaoohw! Love Deloney’s advice about the opportunity for communication. That is so super gold. This is solvable with maturity. You got this, Man! She knew your family before she married you? And she still complains? Ok bdays are a big deal to her. Got it. Adoring Deloney’s comment about “what their laundry room looks like” comparisons. We had a choice last year between the house I wanted or my husband’s choice. I was desperate for the great laundry room! We have 4 children. That’s my office. I live in laundry. The laundry in my choice of house was the size of a bedroom! It was phenomenal! And the house had an extra bedroom for guests or when our kids grow out of sharing… and it had really nice bathrooms and the living room had an fantastic view of the lake, and came with a fooseball table our sons loved!!! I visited it 4 times and secretly called it “my divorce house” just in case we couldn’t agree. But then I saw the property my husband liked. Ugh. It fulfills his lifelong goals and dreams… and offers our family more future opportunities… it has its own amazing: a 38 acre “yard” and a hunting / camping cabin, plus a coop full of chickens. The worst part is we could afford it. Outright. And we’d have to stretch for my desired house. Plus the one I wanted had a pesky HOA. Dho! Obviously, I couldn’t rob my man of his dream. Or let us step into another mortgage situation at this point. But the laundry and bathrooms are atrocious! They are beyond inefficient for a large family. They are tiny, super dated, and disgustingly overused to the point that cleaning daily doesn’t make a dent. There are not enough bedrooms… but there is a big unfinished floody basement we get to fix up however we want as long as it doesn’t include plumbing. So, ya know. You take the good with the bad. My husband is worth it and he’ll be easier and more fun to live with if he’s happy. We can use my dream house as a model for what we make here. Here we go. Gonna take some time but we are capable of patience to build the pride.

Wow. I feel like I lost brain cells. You can't buy love or affection, so being the FIRST to offer help or FIRST to do anything earns you absolutely nothing when it comes to the way that you want people to show their love to you. Communication does, however why is the wife trying to change the dynamic in this family- embrace it. Embrace your nieces and nephews, you're not a child so there is no comparison. Ugh, I didn't catch her age but I'm guessing early 20s.

All I’m hearing in my mind is what my stepfather used to tell me when I was a little kid…that “ if I did not do better I was going to be sent to reform school. “ Her behavior sounds rather spoiled

Wifeys expectations are too high.

Honestly the wife sounds entitled. His family does things differently and his mom is undoubtedly depressed and down. Not everyone celebrates birthdays my parents had triple the income of my husband's family but after 13 years old we stopped the parties and has dinners. My mom actually stopped buying me a birthday cake after I turned sixteen. Cash in a card and I'd go celebrate with my friends. Even now my dad thinks a birthday cake is a huge waste of money. My in laws want to cook the birthday meals, make the desserts have 20 people over. I also hate that. Too many people and using my birthday to cook for others. No thanks. I just want a dinner alone with my husband. The funniest thing is if I tell my MIL to babysit for my birthday so i can go out with my husband she feels deeply offended. I just want to go for sushi alone with my husband they act very wounded and slighted. They will show up to baby sit with cake and presents but at 35+ its kinda bizarre to me.