Narcissism ... What It Is and What It Isn’t | Therapy & Theology 

My husband has NPD, he's a ten out of ten. I've been married to him for 30 years and loved him like crazy, did everything I could for him without realizing what I was doing. The last ten years have been a nightmare. I've been studying this both in psychology and in the Bible and have decided it's too dangerous for me to stay. Please pray for me as I find my way out, while trying to keep my eyes on Jesus every step of the way.

I left my home 2020. He was having another affair with a married Woman. Never heard of Narcissist. Asked Why this happened? Learned about Narcissists. Was married for 42 years. Always did what he wanted. Took all of his abuse. Then said I’m done. I’ve been set free from a toxic unhealthy man. I’m free and living my best life!!❤ God is good!

A person with narcissism or narcissistic behaviors/tendencies will weaponize ANYTHING you tell them, any thing they know about scripture, anything they read they will twist it, they are conniving and deceitful. Guard your heart against these types of people.

I’m grateful you are talking about this! I don’t think this is a tiny percent of the population. It seems to be rampant.

I was blown away reading comments from people who were in marriages for 25 plus years with partners with narcissistic traits or worse. They gave me hope to heal. I am so grateful for the wisdom shared here.

When I was a child immediately after birth my mother went to travel for job purpose. She did not stay home, other women were taking care for me as a baby. Once she came home from a week long trip and she wanted to see me. I looked always away. When she came from the right I looked to the left, when she came from right, I looked to the left. So she held my head and I answered her “Nie da, nie da.” (Never here, never here in German). These were the very first words my mother heart from me. She thought it very funny and told thes story often. I was sad when I heard it and to be honest, it made me very angry. Many years my problem was the abandonment. It took decades to be healed by Christ.

I was married to a Narcissist for 25 years. God set me free a couple years ago. I am living my best life now.

They project their own thoughts, choices, actions onto you as well. The best way to know what a narcissistic type person is up to -- listen to what they accuse you of because they are doing it.

I am so pleased to watch this topic from a Christian perspective. Lysa said it exactly, the charm draws you in and fills you up in the beginning, but then they turn around to suck the life out of you emotionally. Yet you long to get the charmer back and you change in hope that if you do this or that you’ll get back the amazing person you were so attracted to in the beginning. Unfortunately, that is the false persona that was an act, this person never exited and was a delusion.

They are emotional vampires, can be very charming, gregarious, seem fun and also like they are interested in everything you are interested in. They file away all of the information you give them about yourself but they use it against you later. They make it seem like they really get you and understand you.

The core of narcissism is shame in people with narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissism in sociopaths/psychopaths is not based on shame it is based on superiority. Sociopaths/psychopaths are incapable of feeling shame. This is a very important distinction.

Problem worth narcissistists is that they rarely ever get help bcuz they think nothing is wrong with them

The intersection of biblical theology and emotional/mental health and therapy has been a long neglected arena of dialogue. I’m so grateful to stumble upon this channel. Ty for all the good work!

I thank God for this message. I have struggled with my husband displaying narcissistic behaviors . This topic message confirms my assumptions. He was deeply wounded as a child and this has carried into his adult life and now into our marriage. Praying God’s divine healing for deep wounds inflicted upon as a child.

Some narcissists use religious behavior to get more adulation and supply. They seek that involvement out to show others just how good they are and prove that any thoughts about them that are contrary just couldn't be true.

28 years with my narcissist husband, married 27. I didn't find out he was a narcissist until a year after he walked out on us. I don't need him to have a professional diagnosis to confirm it, I lived through it. He's a classic covert narcissist, textbook!

Lysa said it exactly, “The ultimate narcissist is Satan.” I wholeheartedly agree. Narcissist don’t have a real identity, they are empty. With Jesus there is hope. It may not come for the narcissist, but at least for us victims of their abuse.

I'm a covert/vulnerable narcissist, and this SERIOUSLY hinders my faith in Christ. I've been questioning my whole life, how I've treated people, whether my faith has been genuine, why I am the way I am, etc. I need to change, and this is because I am absolutely terrified of ultimately being abandoned by God in Hell. I understand intellectually that I am responsible for my sin, but deep in my heart is this sense of entitlement and hostility towards God for not snapping His finger and helping me. I hate this, and it can be torture. I've even questioned if me seeking help from my church is a way just to fill my "supply." I need Christ to change me, because I really don't see how I can do this by myself. Please pray for anyone struggling with this. It is a HUGE hinderence on dying to self. It seems almost impossible to die to myself, no matter how bad I want to. There is always a selfish motive behind everything, and that is discouraging.

My husband passed away in 1996. I have had time to think & I have to admit that I never stopped loving him. When he left me with 3 small children. I tried hard to get him to come back. Later I realized that it was a mercy that our children didn't have to grow up in his household. His childhood was very traumatic. His dad was sadistically abusive both emotionally & physically. His stepmom was emotionally unavailable. His mother ran away from his dad & left him. He didn't know where she was. No wonder he was so broken. That doesn't excuse him. He got leukemia in 1994, I was his transportation to cancer treatments. We had a lot of time to talk. He didn't actually apologize but we talked alot & he said he realized he made my life harder. He really began to seek to know God. Finally he got some self awareness so late. He passed away in 1996.

The most interesting definition of narcissism I've read is by Mia Puolimatka: "the inability to see any evil in one's self." That can be done kind of low profile - doesn't look like bloated self-image or anything. But the result still is that other people are required to be emotional scapegoats for such a person. If someone denies their sin, they imply that others should take the load.

Thank you for talking about this topic. Very much needed in the Christian community bc it affects many of us women. Thank you!

I've spent 31 years in my marriage trying to make it work with a functioning alcoholic. When I saw that the alcohol was a problem I learned all I could to cope. There was something beyond the alcohol behavior I couldn't understand. Someone mentioned my husband sounded like a narcissist. As I learned about that subject I was blown away. I see the narcissistic behavior all over him. I feel sorry for him but don't want to be sucked in anymore. It's sad and it's going to take a miracle for him to change!

I think where the Church failed miserably is that victims and wives/women get all the teaching (love more, submit more, deny yourself more, endure more, forgive, hope, pray etc etc etc), while men and abusers get to biblically judge the ones who aren't sanctified enough to put up with their bs, then pep themselves up with messages of courage, faith, boldness, leadership, endurance etc. All biblically and church "backed up" and carelessly preached from the pulpet. And of course, many pastors and leaders are narcissistic and misogynistic themselves... The Church seriously needs to get its act together and keep up with down-to-earth research on the depravity of humans and PRACTICAL ways to change.

2 Tim 3 PERFECTLY describes the narcissist...EVERY WORD! ...a 2-time narc survivor

Yes, zip my lips and pray for people. Only Jesus can change a person, their heart, and the renewal of their mind by reading His Word/Bible.

I found that I became a person I did not like while with my narcissistic husband. My marriage of 23 years is presently ending after 1 1/2 years of counseling that educated me and helped me to understand this mental disorder. I didn’t feel I was strong enough to deal with the continued behaviors. Praying for those misguided folks and breaking away is all we can do.

20:00 - That's why prayer and spending time in the presence of God is imperative. Mirroring happens in His presence.

While I agree it is a medical diagnosis the problem is what narcissist will go to a Dr to be evaluated for a personality disorder. They'd have to first admit something is wrong which is something a true narcissist will never do.

It's so good to hear Christians actually discussing this. For so long this issue was just swept under the rug and we were told to be forgiving, which to me felt like I was being told that the Narcs in my life had hard childhoods and so I needed to forgive and forget what they were doing to me and my children. It was used it shirk duties, excuse alcoholism and putting my babies lives at risk and it never should have happened in the name of patience and forgiveness. I have had a few Narcs in my life and they were destructive though I've certainty heard of worse. My grandpa and step dad got away with lying, adultery and stealing. My MIL was a Covert narcissist who grew up with a very harsh mother but the family was well off. MIL was spoiled from what I can tell. She seemed like the Golden Child and she was beautiful in her youth. Sadly she ruined her looks with cigarettes and alcohol and I know she took excessive amounts of prescription drugs as well. She was jealous and sneaky and would do mean things to take others down a few notches if she thought they were out of their place and did things she was never able to do. She would pretend to be very drunk and yet she would lie in wait for the perfect time to strike. She was inhumanly fast especially for her age and she'd watch for the split second and scoop in and snatch up my babies and run off to stumble around nearly falling. The last time it happened she literally played drunken tug of war with my youngest baby when I tried to take my baby away from her. She had a death grip on my baby and was hanging down from me at a 45 degree angle. When I ran to get help MIL simply handed the baby to my husband and turned around and walked away like nothing happened. It was so creepy. I think it was demonic.

I will never forget, going to a restaurant with my father, who tried to order a salad supposedly named after him…. Unfortunately, for our waitress, who was new, didn’t know the salad he was referring to. He became angry and irritated. I don’t know if she ever lost her job or not, but I suspect she did. I was so embarrassed! He is the kind of narcissist with absolutely no self awareness. Or doesn’t care? I remember he also tried to tell someone that he was recruited for a coaching position for a hockey team and that never happened. He also lied about being in the military. He would say these things in front of me and my siblings, and not one of us ever corrected him or ever called him out. We knew better. There were times where he used Italian accents and southern accents, depending on who he was talking to. I don’t know how, but he is incredibly wealthy and acquired his wealth as a functioning alcoholic. You were only allowed in his circle if you never challenge him and show unwavering loyalty. If you don’t, you are out. I am out, and totally fine with that!

Thank you so much for the Christian perspective, it's comforting to know there's hope....Jesus will fill up the emptiness.

Shame is a product of it like pride. The real root of it is Fear. That fear was introduced once they experienced their trauma. That fear is then covered by pride to protect their vulnerabilities. Deep down you are dealing with an adult that is still afraid of what happened to them in their past.

I love the way the Gospel works to reconcile all these issues in our humanity....

I appreciate this so much. My husband, whom i am in the midst of divorcing, may definitely be a narcissist. I am very concerned about my children. They are old enough to see the abuse he has perpetrated on our family, and he is continuing to perpetrate on them and myself. What advice do you have for getting out of this type of tumultuous relationship, especially with children?

Compassion for a narcissist is best served from a distance...of more than 300 miles. Boundaries and no contact are the only route to self preservation. Read Henry Cloud works on same subject.

The writer of Hebrews tells us "mirroring" is what Jesus does with us. "For we do not have a high priest who can not sympathize with our weaknesses but was in all points tempted as we are yet without sin." Yet was without sin ". What a sweet Savior we have ♡

I wish God would set me free everytime I think I can move on from my 24 year marriage I fall right back into his trap, everytime. I never thought of myself as week or stupid, but I'm feeling like I am these days/ years. I know I've been under a lot of emotional abuse and it has really taken a toll on my soul.

Narcissism (extreme self love) is an anti-Christ spirit/mindset attached to someone through chronic lack of bonding/attachment and repeated states of extreme fear & shame. Thank you DR SPOCK & others. Bottle feeding, self soothing (leaving your baby alone when crying). That’s the foundation then the home environment and culture reinforce. Severe neglect creates the narcissist & narcissistic culture. I grew up in church and it’s time for Christianity as a whole to step up and be what we preach.

My hubs is an alcoholic with Narcissistic tendencies, not sure hes like "full blown" but hes a pro at gaslighting, never takes accountability, hes emotionally & verbally abusive. He is also emotionally immature & when hes mad he'll slam doors. Mope, drink more etc. Its been exhausting. He also makes fun of my relationship with the Lord. Ive prayed & prayed & tried all i could but he is dragging me down with him & im at a point that i cant do it any longer 😢😢

I'd like to see them also discuss the deep effects these relationships have you personally. Plus go in depth on how Christians are to handle these kind of people or relationships. Also this personslity has really close ties, if not the same as Jezebel.

Joel Muddamalle had so much wisdom to share...Jim Cress also. Thanks for having them on your podcast.

Recently found out I been married almost 9yrs to a covert narcissist and I'm a Empath. I finally put my foot down and we are finally separating. He has found a new supply at work and he hasn't moved out yet. She knows he married.... Smh I'm not even mad. I'm down 42lbs and he knows I'm done. I want my life back.

Thank you so very much for bringing this up. This makes sense, shame. I thought it was so much pride. It's really hard living with someone who just won't get help. I not sure how I can go on.

I appreciate how Lisa is so humble. I have read a few of her books and knew her name for over 10 years. She is not really an average person. Yet, just as the Lord was humble she doesn't let her position go to her head. Its valuable to see as a young person and quite the wonderful example of being right sized in context of this video.

I have NPD. You were talking about compassion with narcistic people. Thanks a lot for advice. Only God and human compassion can help us.

"In Jesus, there is always hope." Thank you for this. I married a person that fits all of your descriptions. Of course I'm not one to diagnose as I'm not a professional in psychology. It's been extremely difficult to become less as I feel abused. Pride says get as far away from her as possible. Humility says surrender yourself to Christ and let him guide your marriage.

this is the best on this toppic I heard so far. Realy to the root of it. Great !!

What an excellent video, for those of us who have been wounded by narcissists, I pray the their void gets healed and that they come to an understanding of their identity in Christ and how,He can fill the void in their life’s that they try to fill with worldly things. Amen.

All things are possible with God though as the Bible says. He can change anyone who comes to Him.

This helps me understand my prodigal husband SO much.

You are only discussing one type of narcissism. What about the covert narcissist? Dr. Ramini identities seven types so it’s important to know that it’s not limited to grandiose narcissists who are the classical example.

Awesome video and perspectives!! The three of you working together is so wonderful to listen to, so helpful and insightful :)

Thanks to dome knowledge on narcissism combined with the filling love of Jesus I have been able to identify the narcissism in myself and close family members and have freed myself from it, and also from a lifetime struggle of depression. I have never been happier in my life. 💝

I completely understand the deep shame and insecurity that the person I have to deal with that displays a lot of the signs of NPD -- and for a long time I did my best to show empathy, have patience, etc.. but the emotional abuse became too much and now I am wounded and broken, struggling..... it isn't practical to think we can stay close to these types of people

I’ve been living w one for 20 yrs n I’m waiting for a miracle before year ends for him to be born again

The person I was, before my rebirth in Christ, was very narcissistic, not sociopathic nor psychopathic, yet very narcissistic. I see there is a whole wide spectrum of being aware of this in self and in how others may mistreat us. I don't think we can say with certainty that someone will deal with such a condition for the rest of their life; a change of mind initiated and perpetuated by Truth can heal and establish a new security of mind, and I think a key resource such one needs is place(s) and person(s) both truthful and free of shame; a safe place to follow Truth to His healing.God bless in Yeshua (Jesus) name.

So interesting, thank you! More like this please 😊

No narcissist ever wonders if the problem might be them.

Thank you Joel! Your words spoke to my heart. You shared so much with the little time allotted. Thanks for helping us to see the Mirroring of Jesus. Thank you for answering sensibly and so concisely. I would love to hear more. Thanks again, I am inspired.

Not shame at all, Narcissists have no empathy and do not have a single thought about the feelings, safety or their responsibility toward others. Everything is about them and only them. They are not wounded, but rather have been spoiled by a doting mother who thinks her precious boy can do no wrong. They are often handsome and have been praised for their looks their whole life.

This is very good info from a Christian perspective.

It’s a fruit of childhood trauma and an attachment disorder. Narcissists, love avoidants detach and love addicts cling.

God bless you!

Charming. Need admiration. Yes yes. I've identified this in someone I encountered. I was told to get away from them by a friend who said this person was a sociopath from what they did to me. It's mind boggling. Thank you for your information.

There is so much in the Bible on narcissism. Shaneen Megji has a RU-vid channel on this very topic. Very enlightening.

This is the most helpful video I've ever seen on narcissism. Thank you.

Thank you so much for the Biblical perspective. I have some knowledge from counselors and my own research, but not a Biblical perspective. My husband and I have a son who has been diagnosed with narcissistic histrionic personality disorder. To say their has been judgement is an understatement. It is incredibly sad to watch the poor decisions my son has made, coupled with the shame of his father and I. Most people assume we did something wrong and that one or both of us must have the disorder as well. I am very interested in your ideas on how to deal with the situation in your next video. Thank you so much for tackling a problem that affects many families.

This is a perfect explanation of someone I know. Spot on why he acts the way he does.

Brilliant! Thank you!

This is great information! I love the description they give because they tell you what it is so then you can pray for them instead of be against them. If you or a loved one is experiencing these traits pray against them feeling that emptiness, pride, fear of abandonment, hurt/pain, self hatred and the lack of identity🙏

Pray for them! Yes!

in love, would love to have seen Joel be given more opportunity to share and speak:) Thank you so much for covering this

This is an EXCELLENT video!!! Thank you for doing this. We'll explained and so very helpful.

Can't wait to hear your sermon on Proverbs 31: 5-6!!

Very good. Thanks God Bless😉

This helps a lot. Thank you

This young man cuts through the mist to the Truth! If we carefully listen to and believe and act upon these words, they will set us free! In Christ, if any are set free in Him are free indeed!

Thank you.

Holy moly, this is crazy good!!!!!!!

At the 3:45 mark This is what I experienced looking back I see how it was absolutely impossible thst he actually loved me he didn’t know me whirlwind dating to engagement to wedding all under 11 months.. fairytale. He was buying me an entire ski outfit and skis whatever I wanted 4 months in.. huge rock next few weeks after planned a wedding in 5 months and he wanted to move it up 3 months sooner I refused. It was all to make him look normal, and accepted and important. Immediately after wedding my 6 year old daughter and I experienced shocking devaluation and terrible treatment which caused me to react and be not very nice. 😢

This was so helpful!

I believe insolence is another word for narcissism in the Bible. Thank you for this excellent discussion.

Sometimes, I believe, we are misunderstanding peoples needs, then calling them narcissistic. My love language is words of affirmation and praise. My husbands is gifts then acts of service. Acts of service does not fill me up, words do. It’s hard for us to understand each other. Knowing love languages for my spouse and children has made a world of difference.

I’ve read this happens around 8or9 years old. We witness abuse and choose either to gain power through being abusive or we develop maturity through choosing to never abuse.

Off and On relationship for 30 yrs!! Recently we came in contact again! I drove 3 hrs to visit this man! Again, I feel in the trap!!

Thankyou Lysa, Jim, and Joel. I appreciate that you have taken this topic on. What you are discussing so needs to be heard. All of what you said describes how I functioned in the past and I was unaware that I was the cause of pain for my family and myself for most of my 50 years. i became aware my toxicity soon after being told the marriage was over and to leave. It’s incredible what the cost of one persons sins is and the pain and loss others have to bear and will continue to experience because of the sins. I still don’t understand love or empathy; as Jim said, maybe that will never come to pass. But I do hope to never cause pain or hardship to anyone again. To those suffering in a relationship with a narcissist… I’m sorry for what you are going though. Please pray and ask and obey the Holy Spirits leading to protect your children and your heart; He is faithful to keep His promises to provide and never leave you as well as plan a bright future for you. To those just becoming aware of your narcissistic condition. It’s worse than you think. Your only hope is to read the Word of God and pray for His Word to pierce you, revealing your sins and depravity, the obeying what is heard. This will seem Impossible yet it is the only thing that has brought me any peace in the past three years.

My husband isn't diagnosed as far as I know but I know for a fact he is a narc. I am divorcing him because he's so out of control.

Was just broken up with by my narcissistic ex. It hurts more than I can express and need help with healing.

Excellent thanks very much 🙏💜

Im reading a book, "It's Not You" by Dr.Ramani its an amazing book. She talks about how to deal with them when you cannot leave. Not everyone can just pack up and leave depending on their situations, culture, and others.

Thank you for a biblical perspective on these tendencies, it makes a lot of sense. Looking forward to the counsel next week.

My siblings and other relatives have been so cruel to our family after our mother died. I had always thought my mother was a narcissist but when the funeral was being planned by my sister, I was lied to, lied about etc because I was not willing to be used and abused anymore. I pretty much lost all of my family because my sister turned everything around and made me the "enemy" All this sounds so ridiculous when I write it out. There is so much detail I can't write out here. I'm trying to give it all over to God, because I can't deal with this any longer. What I learned through all this mess is that I don't want to be the kind of person that treats people the way I have been treated, just to look good to other people.Please pray for me as I try to heal and forgive. That is the hardest part, forgiving without replaying the whole incident over and over in my mind.

My mother is a narcissist NCPD but she is also a baby Christian. She does not know or acknowledge her NCPD so I don't believe she is looking to change at 72 years. How do I honor a parent without letting the parent destroy me? I am so tired. I have started self sacrifing myself to give her what she wants, financial support etc... but it feels like I am dying inside and I am losing who I am again. If I let her, I think she will use me until I die ... and she will still somehow think she is the victim. Where is the healthy boundary? What is my obligation to a verbally, emotionally, psychologically abusive mother with NCPD who decided that she is a lonely Christian and is looking to the Scapegoat child to take care of her?

Best explanation of narcissism I've come across yet!

It's interesting that the Jezebel Spirit never came up in this video as a spiritual component. Narcissist are said to have the Jezebel Spirit. All the characteristics mirror each other. This is why therapist say you can't help a Narc with therapy because deliverance is what they really need to get rid of that spirit. How does one become affected by that spirit. Past hurts, rejection, abuse, early sexual exposure etc....same as NPD.

Thank you for talking about this topic through a Christian lens. There is a reason you’re talking about it; narcissistic people are hurting us. I agree you should never tell a person they’re a narcissist. But the reason the percentage diagnosed with NPD is so low is because they don’t think anything is wrong with them. It’s the people around them in pain and discomfort.

I see an association with pride and NPD too

Lord is there hope for a Narcissistic and can God save them or can they be saved period? Lord deliver me from self hatred and the emptiness inside. I have all these walls that I don’t know how to let Christ in to love me. I don’t want to be this way. I want to love and be loved.

How I wish I would have access to all this videos when I first became a Christian before I got married. It is so sad to see many Christian marriages fail because of Narcissistim.

Have A Blessed Day . Happy Valentines Day U 2