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Narcissist Needs Pity 

Narcissism Survivor
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2 авг 2024

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Комментарии : 455   
@primrosedahlia9466
@primrosedahlia9466 8 лет назад
Well I'm in my 30's and did not know what narcissism was until 3months ago... They should teach this in school!!!!! Thank god for pinterest, youtube etc
@majakolonja4266
@majakolonja4266 6 лет назад
Isn't it crazy that it takes so long to find out all of this?
@janishart5128
@janishart5128 6 лет назад
*Maja Kolonja:* It took me 23 YEARS to find out I was married to one - and I only found out because he left me suddenly without any kind of warning or discussion - NOTHING!! As far as I was concerned we were each other's best friend - now I'm the enemy, and he's like a stranger to me - it's like I never knew him!!
@majakolonja4266
@majakolonja4266 6 лет назад
Such a shame ;(
@sugarbum99
@sugarbum99 5 лет назад
Yes! They should now. In Science class or something, just in case people don't get into psychology 😄
@jengable4888
@jengable4888 5 лет назад
I would agree ! A course in Abnormal Psychology should be taught and a section of Narcissism + Dark Triad should be covered !
@pattylawrence9411
@pattylawrence9411 9 лет назад
I believe the Narcissist's need for attention is a way they can make themselves feel important.
@GRiMHOLDx
@GRiMHOLDx 8 лет назад
They're the closest thing to evil in this world.
@pauls1555
@pauls1555 7 лет назад
correction: they are one of the most evil things in this world. They're nto "close" to evil, they're evil period.
@ladybug947
@ladybug947 5 лет назад
They are evil
@lamontwaters7530
@lamontwaters7530 5 лет назад
@@ladybug947 Alicia lites
@WindWipper
@WindWipper 4 года назад
The only difference between a narcissist and a psychopath is simply a matter of degree.
@aleksander8497
@aleksander8497 4 года назад
Full of evil, yes
@jasminealexia
@jasminealexia 9 лет назад
Yes they are full aware of what they're doing smh
@infoguy1978
@infoguy1978 8 лет назад
"get the hell away. stay the hell away" lol. i agree. why visit cancer again?
@Deborah5924
@Deborah5924 8 лет назад
Why would a parent want to hurt and destroy their own child? Oh, I see. It's just like a person addicted to heroine. They know it's wrong, but the must have it to survive. Is that correct? And I absoloutely agree with you, they know exactly what they are doing!!!!!
@raahustaja7267
@raahustaja7267 4 года назад
It is called a repetition compusion in psychology. Abuse is over generational, abusers have themselves been abused in some way and that causes toxic shame that they pass on. If you ve been truly loved and seen as a child you pass that on to your own kids. Life is not fair or equal in that way. Many of us have to face the pain caused by immature parents if we want to grow as healthy adult individuals.
@m-bronte
@m-bronte 9 лет назад
I have a narcissistic mother...I have asked myself many times "how is this woman my mother" ? Anyway as I got older my tolerance level became less and less. So basically if she throws crazy at me....then she better be ready for crazy back. And yes this is probably not the best tactic but it does work. Putting the distance and not responding to a narcissist works as well because they thrive on the attention good or bad.
@Fedeleness
@Fedeleness 9 лет назад
+M Brontë Smart move!
@lizaratliff8462
@lizaratliff8462 4 года назад
I am doing this now with my parents and it is not easy. It is better. Not to talk to them and not deal with that but there are days where it's a very hard like yesterday. I have not talked to my father in over a year and I get a text from my brother that he's had a heart attack. But I still can't call him. Heart attack or not? He's still a crazy ass narcissist who has abused me my whole life.
@ameerahalia930
@ameerahalia930 8 лет назад
With all the maltreatment, I still love my parents and wish them happiness and peace as they age. It's hard dealing with the memories. The few times I saw glimpses of a loving parent/human. I remember how they smiled when they were genuinely happy. The scapegoat has the impossible burden of compassion. The scapegoat loses both a family and grappling with the grief. Meanwhile they would, if it really came down to it, rather see me dead than successful. The pain the narcissist parents inflict upon the scapegoat is all encompassing and insurmountable.
@randommortal3383
@randommortal3383 5 лет назад
So true. My aunt once called me up and asked me why my cousin, her son, couldnt just die ( after she abused him to the point of doing drugs).
@beckstemple
@beckstemple 7 лет назад
I really think that acting the martyr, playing the victim is another form of power and control. To get an empaths concern and feelings is controlling the empath emotionally.
@SpiritualTarotbyYvonne
@SpiritualTarotbyYvonne 9 лет назад
I had a narcisstic parent, and can relate with all you are saying. I found it so confusing growing up. It is good to see who identified this. You made Me cry
@yourlocalclosetedgaybestie3165
I hope you are doing well :)
@soniajoy3727
@soniajoy3727 2 года назад
Thank you 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
@mandygoddessful
@mandygoddessful 10 лет назад
Thank you, I have now been no contact for 6 months, due to a serious family trauma that my mother was going to cover up. I am the scapegoat, truth teller in the family, I am 1 of 5 children and the other 4 support and protect my mum, and blame me..... Ive always been told im to sensitive, crazy, dramatic. .
@NarcissismSurvivor
@NarcissismSurvivor 10 лет назад
Your very welcome Amanda. Ya, us truth tellers that come from Narcissistic parents may have well placed a bullseye on our back. How dare we tell the family's dirty secrets. This places the Narcissistic abuser on great defense and generally invites Narcissistic Rage whereas we are once again the target. Thank you for writing.
@mosesosse
@mosesosse 9 лет назад
Never go back .....Ever......Being "too sensitive" is their way of degrading your Love until you become more like them. They feed off your very Soul.
@minnesotajude8447
@minnesotajude8447 9 лет назад
Amanda Neville I am going through the exact same thing you are. I had to set some serious boundaries with my other siblings and especially my mom. My dad plays the pity game very well. It is hard to not care what they think, but it gets better. Thank you
@karins2717
@karins2717 9 лет назад
Joseph Lionel they say you r "too sensitive" when you r seeing what they don't want to see, their abuse.
@mosesosse
@mosesosse 9 лет назад
I think Narcs consider themselves giving the victim a choice: 'Be like me or Die'
@jo-ce
@jo-ce 9 лет назад
You're right they are "Always" thinking about their next strike . I can feel the negative energy so I get up and leave before it happens lol 😆. Btw I'm the Scapegoat child.
@jo-ce
@jo-ce 9 лет назад
***** lol thanks :-D
@esterherschkovich5002
@esterherschkovich5002 6 лет назад
Me too scapegoat child but I was adopted..even worse and it was my so called adopted Mother :( what an evil liar :(
@jengable4888
@jengable4888 5 лет назад
Agree !!
@pattypurks6127
@pattypurks6127 4 года назад
Jocelyn Ra me too!
@lizaratliff8462
@lizaratliff8462 4 года назад
Same....
@totalsweetheart2000
@totalsweetheart2000 9 лет назад
So true! How come my parents NEVER called me back whenever I got upset and even when it was their fault *I* was the one who would apologize even when it was their fault. If I didn't I would not have had parents. I wasted my LIFE trying to be like the golden child, I just did not know about this sickness. I wish I had known sooner, I would have gotten the HELL out when I was 18
@JennaRyanShow
@JennaRyanShow 9 лет назад
"Always thinking about their next strike."
@Catwomanmn
@Catwomanmn 5 лет назад
You gave a name to the confusing emotional abuse I suffered all my life with my mother, who I've had the suspicion is mentally ill for years. Thank you.
@aishas.6985
@aishas.6985 6 лет назад
OMG! This is exactly what happened to me. My Narc mother has been telling all my family members that I'm crazy. This is so evil. My mother constantly projects her mental illness and bad actions onto me. Thank you so much for your video. This is jaw dropping!
@jaynehathaway3717
@jaynehathaway3717 9 лет назад
I don't believe they always know what they're doing. My mother grew up during the depression with 13 brothers and sisters. They didn't have therapy, they didn't have self-actualization, or awareness training. People didn't analyze personality back then. She was so hardened that she had no recognition at all, that she was doing anything wrong. Being mean and vicious was her personality, it was automatic.
@carolovesteven
@carolovesteven 12 дней назад
They refuse God. God comes to everyone. That evil is of the devil. The devil helps them develop a god host. They know.
@ladyindica
@ladyindica 9 лет назад
Oh, good god, does this man lurk in corners and watch my family? He has it DOWN!!!
@qonitabadegestm9989
@qonitabadegestm9989 9 лет назад
"They're waiting for the Narcissist to croak"
@springtime3771
@springtime3771 5 лет назад
WOW, I've been "waking" up these past 2 years. I don't feel sad or confused any longer. I feel completely liberated & HAPPY!!
@chazhuzvar3180
@chazhuzvar3180 10 лет назад
I`m the scapegoat in my family.Don`t worry about the quality of the videos.People like you give people like me the vocabulary to get ourselves right.Thx bro.
@NarcissismSurvivor
@NarcissismSurvivor 10 лет назад
Sorry that you've gone though this Chaz, your welcome and thank you for writing.
@concerned1
@concerned1 4 года назад
I’ll never forget that night back in December 2018 when one persistent thought kept me from going to sleep: ‘what if my mother didn’t have my best interests at heart?’ After that this whole world of narcissism was opened up to me. What a revelation. What a relief!!
@Toppytiger
@Toppytiger 5 лет назад
My mother just did this! Hearing you talk about this is so validating. She’s completely isolated me from the rest of my family.
@catrivelli
@catrivelli 8 лет назад
Your videos are very successful because you come across as genuine. You're like the friend with good advice. Like the concerned dad many of us wish we had. Your videos are also empowering, not because you overwhelm or command, but because you emote. You show empathy. Many youtubers make videos because they love seeing and hearing themselves. But I think in this particular community, people make videos to transfer their feelings from themselves to something else. You mentioned that for you, making these videos is like journaling, Good for you. Please know that your youtube journaling is helping a lot of people, including myself. Keep it up!! And Thank You!
@PeachyKins
@PeachyKins 7 лет назад
Cheryl T I'm really happy this channel exists and I finally found it. Thank you ☺
@Stayc_Jane
@Stayc_Jane 6 лет назад
Well said
@peterpamlockwood
@peterpamlockwood 8 лет назад
Love your haircut, really suits you!!!.....wish I had a Father like you......you are a MAN!!!!
@NarcissistFreealmost
@NarcissistFreealmost 10 лет назад
The best I could describe the way my mother treated me is Munchausen Syndrome by proxy, and these memories go back to when I was a toddler. She would hide the abuse by telling people "there's something wrong with her, she's not right in the head," when they noticed how terrified I was, depressed, and never smiled. Something that was quite unusual for a 3 year old. So it appeared that there might be "something wrong with me". The dirty secret was that I was terrified to move or get dirty, because that meant a beating at home - translation: She wasn't going to be bothered cleaning and attending to me as much as she could get away with. She would shoot me non-stop dirty looks (in public) with gritted teeth, then gave me that glare that only meant one thing - shut up, don't say a word. That way she looked like poor, put upon "single" mother - and I was the bad child that always needed to be scolded and "kept in line". Very sneaky narc magic trick. She kept telling people that there was something wrong with me, AND they did feel sorry for her. It did work most of the time! Even as a toddler I knew it was all BS, and I knew it was her. Didn't matter, it worked for her, and people bought it, and I suffered needlessly to her insatiable need to be perfect, and have ALL the attention. Later, this strategy worked so well, it gave her flying monkeys permission to abuse me as well. She had no problem with that - because I must've deserved it, right? I always deserved any abuse I got, in her world.
@NarcissismSurvivor
@NarcissismSurvivor 10 лет назад
You have just described what so many of us go though. Thank you. It's becoming very clear from all those that write me, that the gritted teeth and the mean grin is quite common in our Narcissistic parents. It use to scare the hell out of me and that is exactly why it was done. To instill fear and terror. Remember, these are emoutional vampires and they survive on seeing these reactions. Your not alone and it was NOT you. I promise.
@NarcissistFreealmost
@NarcissistFreealmost 10 лет назад
Narcissism Survivor I know that now. Unfortunately, it took two narc husbands to get me this far in knowledge of narcissism. The second one, so far worse than the first. I had the abuse coming me at from all angles at one point in my life, and sadly, even from my kids. Never underestimate the influence of a true narc. I can't even believe I've survived thus far. Once people pin these behaviors down, they can try to avoid these monsters. But if you don't know what's happening, and there's no one who knows (most so-called professionals included) how can you stop something you can't even describe? Anyway, thanks for the vids, they're spot on and very validating.
@NarcissismSurvivor
@NarcissismSurvivor 10 лет назад
organysntracey1 Thank you for taking the time. You could not be any more correct, Never underestimate these monsters and it takes a very long time to find a professional that understands Narcissism. Thank you again.
@NarcissismSurvivor
@NarcissismSurvivor 10 лет назад
Narcissism Survivor Your very welcome I just posted a video on that very subject thanks to you! Thank you kindly.
@redefinedliving5974
@redefinedliving5974 Год назад
Fuck. I can relate. She made her flying monkeys family members abused me too. All of my mothers side. 😭 While making me believe shes the victim and her the poor mother of a bad child like me.
@voicebistro2726
@voicebistro2726 9 лет назад
Thanks for your wisdom. What you say concerning narcissism has helped me understand some things. I am the scapegoat child of two narcissistic parents. A brother, the golden child in my family, turned out to be a full blown narcissist too. I married a narcissist because I was groomed for it through my upbringing. I was surrounded by and held prisoner by narcissists for a very long time, but now I enforce no contact and it feels great!. I am finally experiencing true freedom at the age of 55. Keep up the good work!
@georgekarpouzis6108
@georgekarpouzis6108 9 лет назад
God bless you for making these videos. Very brave of you sir
@kitslezak1627
@kitslezak1627 9 лет назад
I could completely identify with waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have gone no contact for a couple months and do wonder what crap is going on. But, I have resigned myself to the fact that I am better not knowing. I have been so much happier and I hope to maintain it. I just wish all of my sisters could be saved, but I believe one of them has become a narc herself. She gaslights me and I have gone no contact with her as well.
@Fedeleness
@Fedeleness 9 лет назад
+Kit Slezak Good for you!
@DeborahLArmstrong
@DeborahLArmstrong 8 лет назад
I have been watching your videos about narcissism for a few years now and I just want you to know that you do a great job. I really like how you explain things. If I close my eyes, it's almost like you are sitting across the kitchen table from me. Thank you for all that you say... I am sure you have helped more people than you will ever know!
@reigningrubies1152
@reigningrubies1152 7 лет назад
agreed...i do the same eyes closed thing and listen to him as well lol idk kinda reminds me of my dad, God rest his soul...he had a heart attack from being married to my mother..... but he and i had an awesome friendship and loved sharing information and knowledge about anything and everything....smart, wise and kind gentlemen who help people from their heart will always be my favorite kind of man to listen to.....
@sleeperno1215
@sleeperno1215 6 лет назад
Crude my ass. This video is powerful and riveting. I finally realize that Im not crazy. I initiated a no contact rule a couple of months ago. Your videos make me feel like I have a strong and faithful friend. Thats it. Im not crazy. It is them after all. Now I can heal.
@Paulahoppe22
@Paulahoppe22 9 лет назад
Yes - I HAD NO IDEA! I was always scratching my head and doing so many things to heal myself aways coming back to the same problems. I kept low contact with my covert narc mother. It took a family tragedy for me to wake up to it all just last year.
@PeachyKins
@PeachyKins 7 лет назад
Paula Stein same here! We are so blessed to have the Internet. Can you imagine how lost we would all be without this valuable connection with other survivors?! All the more reasons why narcissistic behavior and enabling is inexcusable these days. My sister was totally the groomed golden child and she ate it up like candy 🍬. Now she blames them, bc she abandoned her children (sacrificed them to the narcs we have for parents in order to go no contact) and says things like, she could be a crack whore and they wouldn't care. Um,excuse me princess? The level of her entitlement mixed with her being a shit head millennial is limitless. She was handed EVERYTHING. (technically I'm a millennial too, the worst IMHO are the kids born in the late 80s and 90s.)
@ninacouser3024
@ninacouser3024 5 лет назад
Me too, therapy for years before realizing it wasn't really me with the problem. Or rather still going back for more was the problem! I've been NC for 3 weeks now and it's helping. People have noticed a change in me for the better. I feel I'll have to get back in touch soon as there was no row, as such, just my decision that enough is enough. Bit nervous of our next encounter which I think is inevitable...
@ChoctawNawtic4
@ChoctawNawtic4 9 лет назад
Would you say narcissists make you feel drained?? In-that, they are (when/if they are) vamping you for their supply???
@tashelkelly9590
@tashelkelly9590 9 лет назад
This is definitely a key factor in these people personality. They love to feel like they are the less fortunate...they were always dealt the wrong hand. Mr. & Ms. Misunderstood. They could give two shits about what you went through. These demons will even cry and fake illnesses.
@kathymyers7279
@kathymyers7279 7 лет назад
wow. I remember standing at the sink absorbing "the feeling" trying to protect myself and crying out to God "WHAT IS THIS???!!!"
@shaunl101
@shaunl101 9 лет назад
Nathalie Lake. My father had a stroke a few years ago from which he recovered. So my narcissistic mother fell down the stairs cracked four ribs and fractured her neck. Her healing took 5 years. I believe she did it suconsciously or not to divert the attention on to her. Talk about a "Freudian slip"
@cathygoltsoff9615
@cathygoltsoff9615 9 лет назад
I know this sounds crazy but I have a narc in my family who is jealous when others are having surgery or ill. She will try to upstage the situation. it was hard for me to grasp this concept. it's like showtime at the Apollo she will say or do anything to get attention
@TehKitteh01
@TehKitteh01 9 лет назад
Cathy Goltsoff My SO's mother is literally slowly killing herself. She sits on her ass ALL DAY, she has a bad back, hips, stomach/bowel/liver problems from years of abusing alcohol. She NEEDS to be the sickest and in the most pain at all times. If you have a headache, she has a migraine, if you're tired, she's exhausted, if you lose a finger, she lost her arm...it's so draining. She used to complain about pain to me but I don't give her any reaction, she got bored and stopped doing it.
@fireball0514
@fireball0514 9 лет назад
TehKitteh01 I worked with a woman like this once. She was always taking time off to go to doctor appointments, and to stay home sick, and she never ever ever stopped talking about her physical complaints. We could not rely on her to get her work done at all. Except for the time that her relatively new husband went in for bypass surgery, and she came to the office every single day starting the day of the surgery until his full recovery 6 weeks later. Then, wonder of wonders, she suddenly developed migraines with auras, and had to take off work to stay home in pain, and go get MRIs and CT scans and whatever the hell. The day he had the heart attack that led to the surgery, he waited until she'd left for work and drove himself to the ER and didn't tell her until he'd been stabilized and sent home. She was SO pissed about that, but we all laughed about it, because we knew he didn't want her there because she would find a way to make it all about her. Of course, in the divorce, she took him for every penny she could get. I'll never forget what a horrible woman she was.
@PeachyKins
@PeachyKins 7 лет назад
Cathy Goltsoff Showtime at the Apollo. Lol, 😂 so true! Haha, so so true
@angelamwatts
@angelamwatts 10 лет назад
Thank you for sharing. I definitely can relate. It's so toxic that you have no choice but to go no contact. It's a comfort to know that I am not alone and that people are speaking out about this mental illness.
@NarcissismSurvivor
@NarcissismSurvivor 10 лет назад
Your very welcome Angela. You are not alone at all.
@TS-wj2mp
@TS-wj2mp 5 лет назад
This is one thing I can’t get my mind wrapped around; that They know what They’re doing yet keep doing it and refuse to change.
@eyelinertears307
@eyelinertears307 7 лет назад
Need to get this across.... I feel personally that it's as if you have to turn narcissistic in order to deal with other people because we've been hurt and humiliated so much that if we show our genuine, kind, loving self.. we'll be took advantage of again.Such a heartbreakingly confusing life for us. love you Tom, you're a beautiful person and love to you all x
@journey2onederland447
@journey2onederland447 9 лет назад
Yeah, recognize this...sometimes it's projection and sometimes incorporated into a full blown smear campaign. I remembered getting tearful phone calls " out of the blue" from other family members begging me to treat my mother better. At first, I was confused and couldn't figure out what they were talking about. Then found out that my mom had called in hysterics about me yelling at her and verbally abusing her. (I had simply hung up on her when she refused to stop berating me). I went no contact 2 weeks later... Thus began the stalking and the biggest smear campaign yet! But I've been NC for a decade and you're right, my life has improved by leaps and bounds.
@Ty98ink
@Ty98ink 10 лет назад
Is it weird that I'm both the Golden child and the Scapegoat child, yet I have a brother? The weird thing is people don't seem to notice it sounds bat sh*t crazy to first praise how intelligent, creative I am and then turn around say I have a mental illness, lol
@emilymcgee5216
@emilymcgee5216 10 лет назад
I feel the same way about being both since I was raised an only child. It makes it all more confusing.
@loveheart5499
@loveheart5499 9 лет назад
I feel the same way that I'm somehow both
@KarinaLicursi
@KarinaLicursi 9 лет назад
I was just wondering the same thing! I'm an only child so am considered as both. My mother both admires and seems to fear me at the same time.
@Ty98ink
@Ty98ink 7 лет назад
Carus Productions Yeah, I think personality disordered people tend to run purely on emotions, which is why they don't make sense. They're not capable of rational thought. In my case, I wasn't the only child but I was the more likable/popular, aesthetic child - and my brother is the opposite, he's not as aesthetic and I think my dad likes to pretend that's not his child, lol so that's probably why I was treated as both.
@esterherschkovich5002
@esterherschkovich5002 6 лет назад
WOW WOW.. :( lots to cope with!! Crazy,,
@d1i2a3n4n5e6
@d1i2a3n4n5e6 9 лет назад
Some mothers just ignore their children's humanity., and therefore passively abuse them.
@TheCanineCaper
@TheCanineCaper 7 лет назад
My Mother! This so describes her....scary. I knew in my teen years there was something insanely wrong as my mother and step-father constantly fighting. He was a narcissist too! They didn't care at all what they exposed me to. I think my siblings and I went between being the Golden Child and the Scape Goat and back and forth over all these decades!
@m.f.richardson1602
@m.f.richardson1602 6 лет назад
Yes. They do know what they are doing. Every secod, minute, and day.
@frappyfae1335
@frappyfae1335 8 лет назад
You're saving my life. Thank you so much, may God bless you always.
@betty6676
@betty6676 9 лет назад
I was the golden child,i had to hear at age 9 the adult stories from my mum. I had to listen to the seksual problems she had with my father at age 9 and in my mind a had my fingers in my ears. I was the golden child at home and that made me sick. I had no contact with my mum for 8 years when i was 40,had to make contact with my sister en brother again en we are doing fine now together. My mum is 88 years old,my sister who is visiting her 3x a week is the scapegoat,my brother en i who are visiting her 1 a month are her love-ones but when i am alone with my mum,she is doing the same en i am her goldenchild again. My brother,sister en i are talking about it en we know who she is en why she does that. I am not a narcissist and doing fine with my brother and sister Thank you for your video's
@dianadunnagan7809
@dianadunnagan7809 6 лет назад
I like this straight forward personal conversation. I didn't know I was dealing with narcissism till just recently. Now it all makes sense.
@donnavelazquez2916
@donnavelazquez2916 9 лет назад
I totally agree with you!! Or at least in my case. My mother knows exactly what's she's doing and her timing is impeccable.
@denisehorn6252
@denisehorn6252 9 лет назад
One more thought: If you have found yourself "attracting" these kind of people; you see the signs; you are now more aware of yourself through validation and self-appreciation, finally, you are now equipped to not repeat the same mistakes. You most likely attracted the same type of person because they recognized a weakness in you; and they will not hesitate to fly into your life with all kinds of promises and affection, only in the end to be the parent you tried to leave. Take some time for yourself; do not get involved with anyone for a while. Get a true sense of yourself; your rights; your expectations, and be firm. If you are not firm, you will spin for many more years, realizing that obviously there was a gap in yourself and your determination to be all you can be. These people are everywhere; some minor; some very major in their illness. It is almost as if we wear a sign that says "abuse me." That is where the true sense of self and direction must apply. Be very selective, and do not rush into any relationship. Make sure it is good for you.
@bellefiori574
@bellefiori574 9 лет назад
Thank you for your advice, it's so helpful. I appreciate it and will keep it in mind.
@gzig7844
@gzig7844 7 лет назад
Denise Horn Thank you as well. I have an offer of fwb, no strings attached. Hard to say no due to how society pressures us males to be all cool about it
@PeachyKins
@PeachyKins 7 лет назад
G Zig sorry, but there are ALWAYS strings attached with narcs. Sex is never casual. Never. Especially not with a narcissist. Watch the movie Vanilla Sky, you will see what I mean. Art absolutely imitates life. Be careful.
@gzig7844
@gzig7844 7 лет назад
J Smith Agreed, hell no with narcs unless you are willing to play games - such a waste of time in the long run. Generally though, with oxytocin being produced during sex indeed even with non narcs there is a form of attachment being produced no matter how hard you try not to. I was just saying how it can be difficult as a male. Yet it's so easy for women that I do not envy that. For me though the main narcs are widespread in my and my wider family. It seems the norm. Sigh. What an immediate epidemic.
@TS-wj2mp
@TS-wj2mp 6 лет назад
Excellent advice.
@above9692
@above9692 7 лет назад
Seems to me that you have found your special purpose in life. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. Whenever I am feeling overwhelmed, I come to watch your videos. Bless you!
@eudoxus3
@eudoxus3 9 лет назад
Your videos are as close to being perfection as something can be. The content is entirely accurate and digested fully. Thank you for all of the pain and suffering you and others have taken and recovered from.
@aprilgold8075
@aprilgold8075 9 лет назад
Thanks for these videos. I plan on moving out soon, I over heard them, how they are going to show up announced, cause I will need their help with new dishes, cause they need to check up on me. I can get dishes for under 10 dollars. I don't need them to talk to my new neighbors and say bad things about me. They are not really helping me. They discourage me by saying your not going to make more than minimum wage. I will not take no dishes from them, I don't want to be reminded of them on a daily basis, I will just donate the dishes.
@KayG111
@KayG111 5 лет назад
OMG! You hit every nail! Thanks for the insight...
@WindWipper
@WindWipper 4 года назад
Oh yea, big time. My "mother" went around to anyone who'd listen, playing the victim, complaining to the pastor, aunts, relatives, & other acquaintances, "____doesn't love me". She conveniently left out that she'd used a baseball bat on me, and all the other abuse. Her goal was to get pity and turn them against me. She succeeded for most part. My entire childhood i'd watched her many hypocrisies. My strength came from knowing that God saw it all too.
@crystalheart9
@crystalheart9 6 лет назад
I felt like I grew up in the Twilight Zone wondering why my mother was so cruel to me and I was told I was crazy. My mother gathered all the concern and pity for herself. Your videos have helped me see this horrible situation I grew up in wasn't me but my mother's domination and control. My brother was the GC and he has a giant ego and treats me much the same as our mother did.
@exprimaexprima
@exprimaexprima 7 лет назад
I asked myself what the hell is going on... I remember this
@NowWhat480
@NowWhat480 8 лет назад
I believe they know what they're doing, but they do not feel what they do is wrong. I still do not know if my mother truly knows what she does is wrong, because I know she justifies her actions. I just had to cut ties completely with my 70 yr old pain pill addicted mother. Every single day it was a text about how she didn't have money for bills, not enough pills to make it through the month, how much pain she was in, despite seeing her pick up heavy things around her house. A text about how she was hungry but no food in her house, she doesn't own a car, doesn't have much because in her life she always lived off her children, never saved money so she lived on her ssi. She lives 30 min from me, and expects me to up and drive over there to give her what she needs, instead of being independant, which she is and has been capable of doing. I was no contact for 3 years because she was giving my 15 yr old son weed, and letting him stay over at her place and party with his friends, so I cut ties. My sister who lives in another state convinced me to reconnect because she was in such need, but was too humble to ask for help. Biggest mistake I ever made. This woman never took care of me after the age of 11 years old, she was in and out of my life and NEVER got a job and provided a home for me, she wandered from place to place for herself but never got a job, sucked off welfare because I was under 18, but I rarely ever saw her. Anyway, now she is alone and living beyond her means, never wants to take advice offered to get help for herself, but instead depends on me and sends passive aggressive messages to guilt me into helping her, or telling me how no one ever visits her. Im dealing with guilt of cutting her out of my life for good. I shouldn't feel like guilt but I do and im trying to learn how to NOT feel it.
@PeachyKins
@PeachyKins 7 лет назад
Abby Normal a therapist once told me guilt is a useless emotion. Its a weapon to a narcissist tho. You don't owe your mother anything, you didn't ask to be born. She didn't do her responsibility. There's a difference between being a nice person and letting someone take advantage of you.
@janishart5128
@janishart5128 6 лет назад
*Abby Normal:* I'm so sorry to hear that this is the type of mother you have. She's a mother in name ONLY and doesn't deserve your compassion, which is misplaced, only because she is your mother and you naturally feel an obligation to help her. She has never had any compassion for you, from what you've said, and you've MORE than done your part to be a daughter to her. You should feel no guilt about refusing to help someone who is only using you. I wish you all the best and hope you are able to move on with your own life without feeling that you've done something wrong - because you haven't.
@cal30m1
@cal30m1 7 лет назад
I must have been a real idiot not to see the Narcissism in my wife's mother. I thought for years that the riff between her and I was just the stereotypic "mother-in-law" barrier. My heart goes out to you because the abuse you suffered was worse than my wife's. My mother in law used to say such hurtful things to my wife, but she said them in a way that it gave her plausible deniability. After a while I called her on these comments and I demanded an explanation. My mother in law would then turn the tables on me and play the victim and I was the brute who accused her of something without cause. After her audience was gone it became apparent that the original "dig" my mother in law said was indeed a hurtful accusation about my wife. After 15 years into our marriage I arraigned a "sit down" where I intended to discuss most of these hurtful incidents. I thought that certainly when it is brought to their attention they would stop. But no, when the incidents were brought up it was spun that we certainly hold onto things forever and hold onto grudges! It's interesting how my wife said never in her whole life did she ever hear her mother ever say she was sorry to anyone, or about anything! I'm lucky if I can go a week without apologizing about something!
@PeachyKins
@PeachyKins 7 лет назад
cal30m1 not apologizing is a huge red flag. Especially when they are highly functional narcs that can make you think they apologized with word trickery. Still not an apology. My ex husband's mother, oh my God. Total nightmare. She's so insanely jealous of me bc I stole her son. The tactics in her arsenal are abundant and passive-aggressive. I trust my intuition, it's how I survived my childhood, I know dysfunction when I see it, her actions convey beyond any doubt that she's head over heals in love with her son! It's so disgusting. Of course all his guy friends think she's awesome. She puts on a REALLY GOOD SHOW. For anyone NOT with her only child (she's a single mother) She pits us against each other with lies, triangulation, silent treatment, pretending to be a martyr, has to argue with anything I say but says yes to anything he says. It's such an incestuous vibe. I truly don't believe anything sexual happened, it's super emotional attachment and it's certainly obvious she see me as a threat to her source. I even worked with a girl, that was showing this behavior towards her middle child (boy) already talking about how he will never love another female the same. Freakin weirdos. A good parent wants happiness for their child. A good parent ALSO realizes that adult children have needs that they as parents can't meet, (and shouldn't!) I managed to shut her down (for now) bc her interference was causing problems with our family for far too long. Thankfully she lives far far away. My parents are codependent narcs. I'm the black sheep (and proud) My sister was golden child turned narc. The most valuable lesson I have learned when dealing with narcissists, is never let them know, that you know what they are. I pretend to trust them, and love them. I provide them with just enough feigned supply to not arouse suspicion. (as you know,some narcs are unavoidable) I'm always super nice until the time comes.... And it always does, when that narc thinks they are running the show and that's when I strike back. Bc if youre gonna be ruthless, and make a stand, you really only get one shot. If you fail, they don't take you seriously. It's a nasty game they play and I'm done losing
@PeachyKins
@PeachyKins 7 лет назад
Oh, I forgot to mention, she never showed up on our relationship of nearly a decade until we were pregnant. Hmmm
@exalphagosthedestroyerofwo4873
I just wanted to say... thank you. I have watched many of your videos and your it has helped me to identify what was going on in my life.I have been in an a frustrating abusive relationship where she seems like this innocent person who can do no wrong. Then she tells me all the things that makes me mentally ill, where really it is what is wrong with her. I can call her on it, but she is too skilled in manipulation that you cannot convince them that their is anything wrong with them. They have mostly everyone fooled into thinking that they are this sweet, do-no-wrong individual and then spread the word that you are mentally ill and cant take care of yourself. She calls my family members to tell them that they are concerned about my mental well-being to plant the seed... she has everything figured out.. every argument... she has planned out. I have kids with one... she has everything figured out and will take every opportunity to control me. She uses the kids to control me. I made the mistake of trying to get her to see the error of her ways, but they have no emotions. It is pointless. She used everything I said against me to gain an advantage against me so she can feel more superior over me and control me. Don`t get me wrong, I am a smart individual. I have excelled in what I do and am no dummy, but to a skilled narcissist, you are just a source of supply and they will say or do anything to get what they want. It makes me want to puke. I have so much empathy and they feel nothing, it makes me want to rage.
@mrmortenxxx1
@mrmortenxxx1 9 лет назад
This is the very best channel I have watched- most informative and giving most needed "feedback". Going for NC 28 yrs for one of them and 7 yrs fm the other. NEVER going back! Thank U so very very much. very brgds
@sgd6592
@sgd6592 8 лет назад
My god ur vidoes r the best on youtube! LOVE ALL THEM I have a narc mom.
@joeyclewarrior
@joeyclewarrior 8 лет назад
Sounds just like my father l can never be any good.
@theresamorello9892
@theresamorello9892 3 года назад
I showed my evil mother as much pity as she showed me - zero.
@McRocker001
@McRocker001 9 лет назад
Thanks so much for your videos. I like the way you tell it as a survivor, very good. :) I was the scapegoat youngest of three. Relationship with my two older siblings damaged beyond repair and after all the drama I feel more at peace that way anyway. Enjoying your videos ;)
@firstlast2098
@firstlast2098 8 лет назад
I really appreciate and respect you for sharing your story and for your immense generosity imparting your wisdom. I have watched a number of your videos and even after quite a bit of therapy have not quite been able to articulate the damage inflicted on me by my mother until now. Thank you.
@stclairkaleb
@stclairkaleb 8 лет назад
My Narc I can without doubt for the last 7 yrs has and is an emotional cannibalistic narc/sociopath . . He has fed on every emotion I have .. FEED is exactly what they do .. Thanks for vidoes
@jasminealixandranorth
@jasminealixandranorth 5 лет назад
I could write a book, and am - but only want to thank you again. You're videos are totally on target and extremely cathartic.
@katiefraser9646
@katiefraser9646 7 лет назад
These videos have helped me more than any other videos out there! Thanks for sharing your experience with us!!
@GrahamMack
@GrahamMack 5 лет назад
Tom, you nailed it in this one. Thank you for helping so many survivors.
@xxturbodonk555xx
@xxturbodonk555xx 8 лет назад
This video spoke to me today.Thank you and I wish YOU peace,brother.Big internet hug from your boy,Jacks!
@OGK_Show
@OGK_Show 5 лет назад
Thanks to you and others on RU-vid I have just recently learned to understand that a good friend turns out to be a narcissist and I have felt the brunt of my friend's behavior. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to make these videos.
@nikstar1313
@nikstar1313 3 года назад
Your videos were the ones that opened the door for me Tom, thank you! I only just realised through childhood trauma therapy that my mother is also a narcissistic but a covert one and non alcoholic.. I thought she was the safer parent.. I think my mother honestly has no capacity to connect with me or others, victim blaming gets her nowhere for me anymore. Finally do not feel responsible for her pain anymore xx
@ladytess57
@ladytess57 8 лет назад
of all the counseling I have gone through no one has explained my family dynamic and the abuse & rejection I have endured like this gentleman has. I am so deeply grateful for your efforts to open up your life to us and sharing a very very painful life. Thank you blessings to you.
@kathrynreilly8591
@kathrynreilly8591 8 лет назад
+ladytess57 Tom, you have truly expressed how many of us were abused and are still abused to this day. You keep me strong.
@MrDavinci1965
@MrDavinci1965 9 лет назад
Great videos, very honest and open. They are helpful, they help me deal with my loss. Thanks, and peace to you.
@bcmssdavis2949
@bcmssdavis2949 8 лет назад
Thank you so much for these videos, it brings much peace to me knowing I'm not alone in this situation
@PsychedPerspective
@PsychedPerspective 5 лет назад
This is so true. It’s like I didn’t know about it (I’m 26 though) I’m so happy that we can share this info as you stated. Thank you 🙏🏽
@Stayc_Jane
@Stayc_Jane 6 лет назад
I just found your channel in the last few days. Thank you for your videos. You've helped me understand and move on.
@NardeenNY
@NardeenNY 8 лет назад
WOW....this is insanely on point...I got chills watching this....
@sharobb6904
@sharobb6904 5 лет назад
Great video thank you. Yes "have a great time in peace" Perfect ending to this and needs to be heard by so many!
@butterflygirl5651
@butterflygirl5651 8 лет назад
Narcissism is so evil and insidious. Creating a golden child to continue on their cruel sick legacy.
@claudiacebollero6944
@claudiacebollero6944 2 года назад
Your Excellent and you have helped many people! Thank you.
@pauls1555
@pauls1555 7 лет назад
I want to thank you my man for your comforting videos that definitely help many people deal with difficult situations. It's like listening to a friend who knows what narcissism is about. Thank you, friend.
@isabellegrion831
@isabellegrion831 3 года назад
Thanks to a friend at work i discovered what it is to have a narcissistic mother and after following his advice i went to a therapist and cut the contact with my mother for good.. It is as you say because after that and even much before she did trash talk about me a llloooot isolating me of course from the rest of the family.. Short story , they surch pitty because they think they are victims, it's never their fault.. they will never take themselves as accountable.. i did experiment that with her.. They go often in depression when things don't go their way.. and they're seeking for revenge is top priority.. , My mother is evil, master manipulator, gaslighter, sick, materialistic at the top and really i had to deal with a wolf with sheep clothing that abused me fisically and mentally even for reason letting the multitude of man she had beat me as well.. Never WILL I LET HER COME BACK IN MY LIFE..Cause if we were never good enough before why should we be good enough now.. Thanks for the video.. very nice and true Isabelle
@karins2717
@karins2717 9 лет назад
Thank you so much for this great information. I am wondering if anyone else, like me, is an only child and have experienced being both scapegoat and the golden child. Obviously those extremities are toxic and the price of being elevated (so that she will get supply) and the price of being abused (so that she could get pity, lying and saying that I was evil and selfish when I only tried to stop her abuse) is horrible. It's tough to see the truth but at least Im free now.
@sudhakhristmukti1930
@sudhakhristmukti1930 2 года назад
Thank you for sharing your experiences, deep observations, the wisdom that comes from pain. Takes great inner courage.
@jennifercahill7397
@jennifercahill7397 8 лет назад
Yes, I knew what was happening wasn't normal but didn't quite know until a friend sent a reddit link to me about narcissists. BTW, I and others find your videos very helpful so thank you. They are some of the best I've seen yet. Even though my situation was different, a lot of things ring true and it's comforting to know that it wasn't just me. Hope you have found peace. It will probably be a while for me as I have just learned about all of this and gone NC. Hopefully I won't give in, but it is very hard for me to go forever without speaking. :/
@sangeetadasappa1947
@sangeetadasappa1947 6 лет назад
So true! describes my mother perfectly
@privateprivate5034
@privateprivate5034 7 лет назад
You certainly do know a lot. I have attended therapy and program throughout my entire life and it was not until I watched brave people like you that I learned about narcissism. I am so grateful. You have great courage and help to save lives. God Bless you!
@lidiyaivannikova5464
@lidiyaivannikova5464 3 года назад
Thank you for all these videos! You are giving me so much strength to deal with my mother.
@eva-janemiddleton434
@eva-janemiddleton434 6 лет назад
You really are a blessing. You share your truth and help to heal people by exposing these entities.
@patsylasseigne8027
@patsylasseigne8027 7 лет назад
Good info, thanks, survivor. So happy you did survive and want to help others.
@bobd9116
@bobd9116 5 лет назад
These videos are gold, this is more than any psychologist had ever given me insight on.
@kellycushing2904
@kellycushing2904 2 года назад
As always you are 💯 right on! Thank you for your channel.
@jens3424
@jens3424 7 лет назад
thank you so very much for these videos.
@HeartFeltGesture
@HeartFeltGesture 3 года назад
Yes they use the golden child to say to others, look, if I can parent such a good child, it must be the scapegoats own fault that they are bad.
@martafcsilva28
@martafcsilva28 4 года назад
Its so weird how u get away..and then after a week u start healing but always thinking about it still..after 2 weeks u feel better..after 3 weeks you´re going ok, u can breathe again like its normal... No contact is the key. And dont matter how much they try dont give them the chance. They don´t love you or anyone. Stay away, Peace
@jmuhles
@jmuhles 3 года назад
I’m thankful that you’ve created these videos, NS. You’re right, I had no idea what was going on until I was older, and discovered others with the same experiences thanks to the Internet. You’re also right that even after years of NC, I still wonder what lies they’re telling. Because they certainly are. The golden child and other sibling can keep the money, I don’t want it.
@miroslavab.9076
@miroslavab.9076 4 года назад
I am so grateful for your decision to create this chanel and being so open about your experience. Listening to your videos really helps to understand more about narcissism. 4 years ago it helped me to leave my narcissistic mother and I am on my way to healing. God bless you
@Joelswinger34
@Joelswinger34 5 лет назад
Your videos are very helpful. Thank you!
@randommortal3383
@randommortal3383 5 лет назад
Youve saved a life. Thank you
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