NARCISSISTIC MUSLIM MOTHER 

I hope I never become a narcissistic mother to my children , ya Allah make me an excellent mother to my kids Ameen

It's sad when animals are better parents than some human 😔

It brings me great relief and pain to find out I have not suffered alone...

Finally, we are shedding light on mental issues in Islam. It’s very hard to come across content like this. Child abuse from parents is very real and always swept under the rug with a verse from the Quran. Jazakhallu khairan.

She always shames me, degrades me, humiliates me. In other words she killed my soul. I am crying as i am typing this, cant take it much longer

I have been waiting for this for long. Next topic: Narcissistic parents : how to make sure you don’t grow up to be narcissist like your parents. Thanks.

Sorry not to offend anyone but sadly our culture is very narcissistic and very unislamic

Can you please do a follow up video about children who've experienced emotional abuse and how this can affect them/ ways to cope through faith

I'm a revert sister. My mother is a narcissistic. I have anorexia and body dismorphic disorder because of her. I cutted ties with her some years ago. I still make Dua for her. And I feel really guilty for having to cut ties with her since I'm a Muslim and I know this is not permissible. Please make Dua for me that I have the strength to call her.

If she is evil, protect yourself and keep away from her. Period. You can't compromise or set boundaries with narcissists.

Why do i get hold accountable for a cruel mother and why do i have to love her unconditionally when she cant even do that as a mother who give birth to her children?!! Where is the justice in that? I feel incredibly frustrated and angry when it comes to this topic. Its very sensitive and needs to be handled very carefully and not put the blame on the child

To those of you who feel like your mothers are worst than what I described, it is likely that she is not suffering from narcissism but rather maybe a sociopath or psychopath, those are next level issues and in that case you must contact a scholar in terms of how to keep relations with her while keeping some distance to keep your self safe and ask if that would be permissible within the religion. I will not put my deen in danger by telling you to break your family ties when I don't know your specific family situation. I repeated what the Quran and prophet said and for anyone who feels brave enough to tell someone to break their family ties, I hope you can deal with the consequences when Allah asks you on the day of judgement! Don't give harsh advise without knowing the full details of someone's case. YOU WILL HAVE ALLAH TO ANSWER TO! May Allah guide us all.

I need a safe haven away from my narc mother and escape from her forever to find peace and sanity again!

This is a subject I know all too well. I was grew up with narcissist and that's siblings and parents. I don't like saying raised by them. I was technically raised by the community. For example I got my first training bras and deodorant by older sister out of mockery. A school substitute taught me how to tie my shoes, my 6th grade teacher taught to wear put on my first pad. My aunt caught me praying while on my menstrual and told me that was forbidden, etc etc etc. I like to say I also raised myself. Growing up is mandatory but raised takes works and that's not what narcissistic mothers don't want this. I was also groomed for a world of heartche. Married narcs and had friends who also narcissistic traits....I agree with everything you said especially the advice of going no contact. This is a test from Allah. But limited contacted is a must!! NPD is a disease of the heart. To say this is a mental illness is completely wrong. Western psychologist said there's no cure for this and reason why is that it's not mental illness. It's a disease of the heart. You could find the answer in Islam. Their hearts are sealed and Allah has turned away from them. Iblees was the first narcissist.... please sisters do your research. I get annoyed when I hear mental illness. Most people with mental illness are not evil. Narcissists are shayateens in the human form. They are evil and the disease of the heart is contagious too. You just have research it look up kabr and disease of the heart. There are plenty of hadiths talking about this. Last but not least! I'm in no contact with my narcissistic mother after she tried to kill me and my children and this was done through black magic. Those kinship ties have been severed by Allah. There are cases like this and remember it's okay to go no contact with her if you know she practices magic. This is your safety on the line and anyone who does magic is the enemy of Allah.

I set boundaries. But my mom said "stop being such a sensitive person" and continue disregard my boundaries. What am I gonna do? Today I'm suffering with severe anxieties and PTSD for putting up with my mom for so long. I had always helped her since kid until married even when I didn't know anything about Islam but she disregard all my help and still giving me a hard time to live. Today I don't see her anymore because I don't wanna put my mental health at stake anymore. The last time she being selfish, my anxieties that I have been surpressing for so long started exploded , I broke down, cried so loud, I never got listened to by my mother but she wants me to always listen to her, I don't wanna experience that anxiety breakdown anymore, I deserve to be love and respected as a person. I am staying no contact now as I want to heal. The wound is deep. Everytime I go back to visit her, me and my spouse got belittled. Did I tell her my boundaries, I hate it when she does that? Yes. But she always say "stop being so sensitive, learn to be tough" and continue saying negative words to us. The world falls apart everytime me and my husband meet her. I just need peace. Tell me what I should do when my boundaries isn't even respected. The only way I can do is staying no contact because even by phone call my mom's negative words can ruin me. Even by text, she wrote and said I should learn to tolerate others, what, so I should continue to tolerate you belittling me for fun and put my mental health at stake?? I cannot suffer anymore of this, I cannot take any mental pressure from her anymore. So, I cut contact with her. I want to heal. My husband willingly to help me accept calls whenever my mom calls. But even so the call always ends with frustration because of my mom's attitude. My husband told my mom I am having severe anxieties and mental breakdown. She didn't believe. She said, of course psychiatrist/councellors/ will diagnose you with those sickness because they want to make money! Even when staying no contact, I pray for her every night, I asked God to give her hidayah and wake her up so she understand what she had done to me and have empathy to me.

Narcissist means MUTAKABIR. THESE PEOPLE ARE JAAHIL. protect yourself from them.YOU ARE PRECIOUS..

In Islam the heaven is under a mothers feet IF the mother is acting like she should as a mother! If the mother is harming the child, some mother molest estagfrullilah the child, they are NOT obligated to stay in contact with her. Be careful what you are teaching the world, you never know what some children are experiencing. I can't even watch this.

Been going through so much because of my mother & still everyone thinks it's my fault because they haven't had a mother like her :') Jazakallah khairun thankyou so much for this video . Please keep highlighting such issues

JazakAllah Khayrun for speaking about this topic!I tried many times to speak with my mother about my feelings but I would get reprimanded on how ungrateful I was, how I was too sensitive or how “Western culture” was influencing me too much (my parents are West African). However, last year I went to therapy for an extensive period of time and it was apparent that my feelings towards my mother were justified. I love my mother and I have learned that her behavior is a result of her own mother physically and emotionally abandoning her. I still maintain a relationship with her but when it comes to intimate parts of my life and my growth, I no longer share those with her. Insha’Allah, I want to pass this test.

are you a licensed mental health provider? I’m a Muslim therapist and I can confirm that people that suffer from narcissistic personality disorder are EXTREMELY resistant to change. To advise people that they will be religiously punished for cutting ties with someone that is destroying their mental health (which I have seen lead to suicide attempts) is kind of irresponsible and can amplify symptoms of trauma and abuse. Allah swt is the most understanding and forgiving, young Muslims if you feel like you are mentally broken and cannot tolerate it…cut ties and make dua for her healing from afar. It is not worth putting your life at risk.

you're definitely describing my mother. Its quite unfortunate and I have no plans of rekindling her toxic behavior towards me... I dont believe that is what Allah wants for me 🤷🏾‍♀

I experienced this with my mother, however I didn't grow up Muslim, I grew up in a Catholic family. Thank you for raising this issue

Jazakallah khair. I’ve seen many videos on narcissistic parents, but never one for Muslim families.

In my 28yrs of life, I have never heard anyone use my name in a sentence, people normally just say wisdom in English, so thank you for being the first 😊

Kids grew up always holding back whatever he wants to do in life when a mother is like this

Everyone, including our parents, has to do their part to not cause individuals to cut ties. Passing a test doesn't necessarily mean you have to put up with her abuse. A person who has never experienced a narcissistic person is not the same as someone who has even if they have empathy and sympathy towards them or have a degree in human behavioral sciences. We are not supposed to allow ourselves to be oppressed if we can avoid it. Sometimes we have to love our narcissistic parents from afar. Some of our narcissistic parents have caused us to develop illnesses that gets worse as long as we're around them. Some of these parent's presence alone and or the sound of their voice is enough to trigger extreme anxiety. Our test with our abusive parents may be when we have the ability, if we're going to continue to accept it or get away when they refuse to stop.

I actually needed to hear this subhanallah. It came at the right time.

Ya Allah we never want to be a narcissistic mother..may Allah help us all Ammen🙏🏼😢

This is a hard test for me , I wish I had a different test ! Ya allah simplify this test for us all ❤

I am still not sure if I have narsissitic people in my life (mother and husband) but by God talking about my needs feels like a sin, talking about my problem feels like being ungratefull, talking about my feelings feels like I have gone mad.

Beautifully said and put but i want to point in my case my narcissist mother doesnt respect boundaries. According to my experience narcissists dont comprehend that its because of their behavior and abuse we put up boundaries, they very much take boundaries as an personal attack and in most cases they fight back stronger.

I think distancing but still being a little connected to it is wise ... it might be a test but life isn't just about being involved in this ... one has to stay mentally healthy to raise healthy families in future for the society.

Wow I can relate to everything you've spoke about thank you raising awareness so many people suffer from this may Allah make it was for everyone x

Jazakallah Kheir for speaking about this topic, may Allah swt reward you

I’m not a Muslim. But..thank you for bringing this topic to light on your forum! Abuse cuts across all cultures and values. Blessings to you, all, and all positive endeavors😊

Thank you sister so much for talking about a topic which is very very rarely talked about. Because mostly lectures are just about parents rights in Islam and children's duties towards them. But this kind of balances things out.

The way I have dealt with it has been love However it hurt me further, I live close, and when they need me I go. But I don't take anything they do or say seriously. Childish emotional abuse is constant from them. Now they use my children against me. The only thing I can say is that I work against them by consciously doing everything differently with my children. To show them and my children that unconditional love is true and alive.

Plz don’t advice to “absorb” the verbal abuse. That can lead to the worst situation and in some cases even to suicide.

What I’m scared of the most is actually growing up to be a narcissist mother myself💔

subhaanAllah this topic could not have come at a more appropriate time for me. thank you so much for making this informative video, baarakAllahu feeki

Jazakallah khayr for speaking about this topic. I respect how you not only discussed a rarely talked about topic, but also how you have taken an Islamic perspective. Your video brings relief to many of us, who now know we haven't been suffering alone. May Allah (swt) reward you for all the genuine & good work you do.

I think it´s important to mention that some of these parents can have a lot of good characteristics as well, but that it doesn´t give them a "free card" to ruin your life or to control you. Please, do make duaa for them and wish health and good things for them, but just somehow make your own life where you don´t need to depend on them. Sadly, we will always have a deep need for our parents emotionally, but then take that as a sign of a healthy heart. Do not harbour any hate, but just keep on trying to improve yourself. You genuinely want them, but they only want "love with conditions" so to speak, and for most Muslim parents, it means "Do EXACTLY as I say, even let me choose your life-partner, and I will "love" you". Loyalty in their culture means selling your soul to them almost. They will say weird things like "If a girl marries a man by trusting her parents blindly, Allah will bless her". Then when you´ll be unhappy in your marriage, they really still won´t be on your side. They will still blame something on you. So where´s that blessing they were talking about? It was just a control tactic. Emotional blackmailing and using religion to control children. DON´T let them make your big life decisions. You´ll only end up bitter, stuck in childhood incidents and possibly even ill from never standing up for yourself. Keep on helping them when they need, but always go to your own safe sanctuary afterwards (which can only happen by moving away). Often, these mothers will do dramatic things to punish you and to keep a narrative in front of your relatives or the community, but then KNOW that Allah sees all. For example, they might deliberately not call you when they were very ill at home, or when they fainted at the doctor´s office. Then they´ll speak loudly on the phone to your aunt or sibling, and say "I have no one. I fainted alone at the doc´s office, and I often cry alone in the park". It might even be true, but it´s used to "put you in your place" emotionally. They KNEW that you´re a child good enough to even leave work and come to help them, but because you aren´t in their favour, they have decided to punish you like that. And it will hurt like hell when a sibling or aunt calls you to say "Please, I´m not blaming anyone, but can you just be a nicer person?" That´s a mission accomplished for such parents. They "won" by spreading the narrative of an "old, helpless, badd-naseeb, abandoned" parent who has bad, good for nothing, selfish children. But Allah sees. It´s a small comfort when you´re hurting, cause you think "Allah, you see but you don´t help me?", but please know that other people´s judgement and wrong impressions will weigh absolutely nothing on the Day of Judgement. We human-beings are fragile and want it all now, but that´s why we need to work on strengthening our imaan.

Mashaallah, jazaki Allahu khairan for the Islamic perspective. May Allah make us good Muslim mothers and grant us pious Muslim children and family!

As-Salaamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu Dear Brothers and Sisters, Alhamdulilah Allah is the Best of Helpers! I've had many narcissist people in my life but Alhamdulilah, Allah has freed me from them after many years. Now I'm at peace finally and finally able to get the help I have needed for so long. Surely Allah is with the patient.

Thank you for providing an Islamic Perspective. I needed to hear this and it’s brought me ease knowing that making boundaries does not equal going against the will of Allah (SWA) in terms of honouring the mother. I recommend that everyone watch the full video through to the end as it expands upon the comment of not cutting ties.

SubhanAllah how difficult is this to eccept even you know in your heart its true. May Allah bless you sister, no one ever explained this topic so beautifully.

Thank you for this video! I have been going through this for as long as I can remember with my dad. All we can do is pray for them & try and pass this test

This is so deep. Thank you🤗😊

Jazakallahu khairan for this video u understand. Many counselors study narcissism but dont fully understand eapecially in the muslim realm where rights of the parents are comstantly thrown on u whether they are following islam or not. After doing years of recovery and figuring out ways to manage my relationship with my mom who has borderline symptoms ive realised its an ongoing process, and the pain of the emtional dettatchment from my mom for my protecttion still hurts, and a way to present urself to potentials without presenting urself as coming from dysfunction and trying to explain to those that depend on their parents and are close to their parents that u didnt have that and its not ur fault is challenging. Its the ultimate test from Allah SWT. My dad was also overtly narcissistic but we had to cut him out.

Wow that’s a great topic . Cant wait to finish watching 🥰🥰

Thank you for this video sister. May Allah bless you. I’ll really like to say more but I’ll just say may Allah make life easier for every child going through those parents.

This is so valuable. JazakAllah

This is so insightful! Thank you sis!! 😘❤️❤️

Thank you so much for speaking on this topic, really needed this

One thing I would like to point out is sometimes it is not possible to maintain ties with a narcissistic mother. Especially when this costs yr health resulting in severe mental health issues. I strongly believe the Almighty would not wish for its creation to tolerate this but I feel no contact is best to protect one's wellbeing. And Allah knows best.

My mother in a nutshell. May Allah give me sabr to deal with her. I prioritise my mental health. I keep her at a distance for my own sake. But I have not completely cut ties.

Jasakallahu Khayr. Just find out your channel in the last few months and I can’t stop watching majority of your videos. It helped me a lot especially during this pandemic where it’s hard to find someone to seek advice from. May Allah SWT bless you and increase your knowledge. Keep the great work my sis❤️

You said well girl, may Allah safe young Muslims.

This was helpful may Allah bless you sister 🙏

Thank you for being so brave to talk about this, you are helping so many people

This has been my whole life

sister I really needed this talk it feels like you are god sent for me ...

Thank you needed to hear this

I'm blamed for everything that goes wrong with her. When trying to set boundaries and asking her to refrain from speaking bad about those I love, she sees it as such disrespect from me. I really don't know how much I can take anymore. I technically should stay silent not to hurt her feelings to the point of drepression. It's affecting me greatly to the point of psychological breakdown. It's affecting my marriage and how I deal with my own children. I feel I'm becoming her as she was the only role model I grew up with. The only thing that's keeping me from committing suicide is Allah. Embracing Islam saved my life and I see all this as my test now. Someone from the church once told me to just leave my mom and live my own life. I couldn't do that years later I became Muslim and knew despite everything I should stay with her. Things just got 100x worse after I got married. It's extremely hard.

MashaAllah great video and info ❤❤❤

If we use an extreme example of a narcissistic mother selling her child into prostitution, I believe most would agree with cutting ties. We have to draw the line somewhere. please don’t downplay emotional and verbal abuse. If you don’t get away fast enough, women will often get with a narcissistic spouse. We don’t have to tolerate bad people because they are our parents.

Slapped and still going on... went to hospital for head injury... thank you sister....now I need to take measures to keep us both safe ... and set healthy boundaries.

Can you do one on narcissistic siblings? These videos are really beneficial in this day and age .

Jazakallah Khaira🥰

JazakAllah sister Nafisa x

When parents abuse their children, they forfeit some of their rights from the child. According to the degree of abuse, the parent forfeits their rights. Came across this concept from Islamic videos on RU-vid. Just wanted to share with everyone.

My mother is narcissist. I can't even communicate with her. She used to run away from home to emotionally blackmail my father and she also tries to cut ties with me to manipulate me after I tell her how her actions have hurt me.

Wallahi a much needed topic. Especially in the realm of parenthood , especially in mothers. جزاك اللهُ خيرًا ya Nafisa. Dear sister in your Ramadan nighttime routine video, when you were leaving for Taraweeh, when you were showing us what you were bringing in your bag, I really like the handbag and wanted to know where did you get the handbag!

May Allah reward u 4 the valuable content u make xx

Can you please make this a series? Your video was so helpful

How can we prevent children from becoming narcissistic adults?, a video o would be great😊

It's sad because a narcissistic mother will then raise and enable a narcissistic child. People who become the scapegoats of that family suffer the most as a result. The mother and the narcissistic child will team up against the scapegoat and it's sad how this could sever family ties.

Jazakumullahu khairan kaseera

Thank you for this video.

I just cried my heart out asking Allah for help and this vid came up jazakallah u made me realise that i am not abnormal for being able to endure my mothers painful behaviour

Another video mashallah ❤️❤️❤️keep up sweetie🥺❤️

Alhamdulillahi rabbil alamin I thank you sister for making this video May Allah reward you I was married to a covert narcissist Muslim woman for 11 years and we have 4 kids together and I saw every sign but I didn’t know what narcissist behavior or characteristics were until after we divorced and she could me a narcissist smh so I realized she was projecting and I googled the word narcissist and I was blown away

Jazak Allah khair dear sis for detailing about this topic. Indeed it is a very delucate issue. I was raised by, and still live with a covert narc. I was depressed, suicidal, and codependent. Got married to a narc and thats when Allah guided me to understand NPD and then i could leave that husband after 6 yrs and get back to narc mom but with treatment. Finally after 3 years of therapy i am better. She is same as far as her personality is concerned. But since i started putting up boundaries 2 yrs back so that she could not hurt me all the time. So the abuse still happens but less intense and less frequently. I still get conditional love, but i am 40 now and i have grown out of depending on need to be lived n acknowledged by her, i just tell myself that its not coming so why expect/wait. Whatever i do, i don't get credit for it, i still do whenever Whatever i can do without hurting myself bcz Allah commanded for it. However, i get stuck in deciding where to draw the line between hurt amd no hurt. Motherly live and conditional love, true dua and saying dua just for sake of saying bcz she needed to say it bcz she is mom..... its still all very confusing and it will always be confusing i think. She is in her late 60s. Some medical illnesses are there too. I can't change her personality but boundaries help a lot. It however feels awful to remind her of boundaries again n again. Sis Nafisa, i hv oberved tht every time i do something good for her which i beyond her expectation, she gets into her narc shoes again...as if it was some trigger or food for that narc wolf inside. When i ignore her trying to put me back in my codependent shoes and hold my ground, i see that she gets better and turns into a not-hurting not-manipulating person for few days...

Assalam alaikum, needed this one!

thank you so much for this video much love to you my sister

Thank you for the video, sister. It’s an important topic, and is very little discussed by Muslim mental healthcare workers. However. I wish to add that abandonment does not only happen physically. There is emotional abandonment as well, and many Muslim mothers do that. Physical abandonment, though rare, does happen within Muslim mothers also.

I was really waiting for someone to talk about this. thank you 🥲🥺

My god, thank you for this video.

she hitted me, letted me to be abused mentally,physically by my siblings. I always thought she was dumb and blaming me,putting stuff under the rug. I feel so sick now i understand all the narcist abuse i went trough by isolation and abuse by narcist parents and siblings so i stayed way to long, no one could help me, no where to go till this day, the mental mindgames make me so sick,i have no one but Allah, their intimidations,stalking and passive agression everytime is just mindboggling.

I feel like this video was uploaded for me ☺️☺️

Thank you! 😭

Thank you for telling me I am doing okay... All these years I was so confused..

It’s so sad, but this is completely spot on. I’m trying not be narcissistic like her or get married to a narcissist :(

Woahh... Please make videos on confidence and finance management too

Please make dua for me. My mother treats me very bad. She looks at my so badly. She swears me and curses me. EVERY SINGLE DAY. please pray for me. Please

This is a well researched and articulate video that can certainly help a people suffering through this situation understand the tropes of a narcissistic mother and the mechanisms they deploy to exercise control and enforce obedience, but respectfully the message somewhat lost credibility for me when Nafisa emphasized that as Muslims we cannot completely sever ties with our narcissistic mothers and in the same breath she says @7:11 that Allah has blessed her with wonderful parents. I'm sorry but no matter how many people you coach, you cannot empathize with the full extent of what it is to live through having a narcissistic mother, to be victimized and yet be the one who keeps on trying with this person only to be rebuked and met with humiliation. While I believe this advice is well intentioned, it should be exactly that, "advice" not some of kind of forceful instruction that will reinforce feelings of those same feelings of guilt that a narcissistic mothers employs to groom their children. As a mental health coach, you need to be very mindful of your approach and would do well to spend some time reviewing proper counselling techniques and the concept of unconditional positive regard before you cause more harm to people who are already hurting in ways you cannot understand.

Thanks!

So nice. Ma sha Allah. Lots of love from Pakistan 🇵🇰🇵🇰🇵🇰

It's my birthday today and I just had big session of crying over new fight with mother..wish she could understand at least 1% of me.. its so painful. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't live like this anymore.

Can you give more examples as how to deal with our narcissistic Muslim moms to have boundaries when they start smears their own children in the society? JazaKAllah!