Yes! I recently went no contact with my brother after years of trying to make it make sense. He is my brother and I’m having a hard time letting go. But I’m saying the word brother with air quotes. As there is no brother there just an empty manipulative, angry shell that sees his younger brother as a source ofmanipulation. I send prayers and blessings his way and I stay no contact.
@@lilfairycupcake hello! Thank you so much for the comment. It’s a good mantra to remember. I bumped into someone who knew my brother in a passing sort of way not that well. And they started spewing me some of their nonsense because basically they had no idea they were flying monkey. while they spoke, I stay silent and smiled. And when they were done, I went back to the original topic. Which was not my brother. How do you say toxic is toxic. No matter who spewing it. Have a great day and thanks for the healing vibes.
Perhaps why those of us who are empathic are able to tolerate such longer term relationships with narcissists; because we do have an over abundance of emotional fortitude. We feel deeply. We feel every single emotion and even pick up on the energy around us which can be overwhelming. It’s similar to someone who’s autistic who gets overwhelmed by their environment, but we don’t have the melt down like someone who’s autistic. We tend to withdraw emotionally and physically to recharge. It’s hard to do that when you’re involved with someone who needs constant validation or is picking at you to get an emotional response. I think it’s harder to discern between someone who’s narcissistic vs a normal relationship during the beginning is due to the proverbial “honeymoon phase” because you have all of those elements you speak of. They are always on your mind and heart. You feel that deep bond. You want to constantly be around them. But that is also why we tend to either ignore or miss the red flags. None of us ever wants to feel like we could be fooled. But look at how much they can fool others for years and no one’s the wiser. Which is why when you are trying to escape from the relationship others don’t believe you that this person is that way. They have never seen that side of them… I do think that showing appreciation is important in any relationship, but there is a big difference between showing appreciation and over the top validation for the sake of ego.
I would substitute the phrase "emotional connection" with the phrase "shared fantasy". The narcissist is so deeply disconnected from their real self, because everything in their life is experienced through their fake persona . They need you to buy into their false self, experience their shared fantasy with you of who they wish themselves to be. In that sense the real meaning of Supply in my view, is the emotional support which underpins The Narcissist false view of themselves. They require that you continue to validate the existence and amazing quality of their false self, to validate the false self. You are not connecting to a person, but you are connecting to the fake false Persona The Narcissist projects at all times. This is the reason why breaking up with a narcissist is so hard, because you are missing something that was never really there. You thought you were connected but you weren't, you were only chasing a shared fantasy. That being said, the narcissist does think that they are connected to you. Because they're not aware that they are living a life through a fake persona. Some psychologists have said that narcissists are deeply dissociative, they have no concept of reality. In the sense that they are not aware that they are living life through a false persona, that much is true.
At Christmas my ex would take pictures of our children unwrapping their presents. Not a word. Then he’d contemplate the pictures for hours. I used to think that he was overwhelmed with nostalgia. Now I know that he liked the photos better. They were perfect and we weren’t 😅
Joe, thanks again for you help. Now, I have realized that its likely that i set all of this narc-victim-drama up so that I could learn to stop caving to people and playing scapegoat probably for several lifetimes already and asked these people into my life to play a very difficult role so that i could learn some lessons that i was *very* resistant to learning. It;s a hard role for them to play (and roles could have been reversed before, thus a necessary balancing?). After no contact, or even while grey rocking, I realized that with all of the negative energy that i absorb is still overflowing, even though it's greatly diminished with your help (hes exceptional at what he does yall). I found that 'shielding myself energetically' was not ideal because it did interfere with my energy similar to how real armor would slow me down or retain heat. Plus, it takes a lot of energy to keep up a shield, and quite a while to learn to do it effectively and efficiently. So, a technique taught by several groups is that of 'transmuting' the energy from the lower centers to the pineal, which then flows into the pituitary (master gland), which flows into the other glands / spiritiual centers, as these groups consider them related. Also, my mind forgets that this is probably a show played by people i know in spirit who are *very* close and trusted, and get mad at the body personalities. And there's something to that connection. So, rather than mindlessly send barbed thoughts to them as i perseverate or ruminate, i meditate, and send pulses of love from my heart through a silver thread connected to their heart. They dont know it, but it arrives and is absorbed. Then, I actually feel better... for a while. Eventually, the cup will be empty so the Love Source can flow unobstructed :) BTW, im guessing we are powerful enough to send those heart love pulses to every being in all time and space instantly and simultaneously. Just by our intent. And, if we're all connected, which is likely, that'd be good for us. As with anything else, it takes time to develop a strength and focus and efficient use of your energy. But, its a natural thing that we can learn or remember; improve, and master. Ciao.
2:30 Your list of doing x & needing thanking to the most extreme level over & over really hit home, it’s nauseating, if I may just add doing the washing up required at least 10 thank you’s. One of the things I really noticed/notice about highly narcissistic people, is they get a glow on them, literally you can see it in their non-verbals from things that the rest of us would feel very uncomfortable over receiving: basically all aspects of being responded to as if they are the centre of the universe. So whether it’s the level of listening, attention, focus from another person they receive, or receiving extra special treatment (ie really instinctually fawning response to them ie unconscious threat/danger of being registered & so being truthfully managed to keep them at bay) - we would feel very uncomfortable purely at the imbalance, if not embarrassed, even mortified etc - it’s actually a really good tell whether someone is highly narcissistic or not, & they appear to have no awareness of how bizarre it is. Extraordinary.
They definitely will have you acting out of character after you no longer with them I found myself tryna post pictures to agitate her till I realized I was tripping
I’m wondering how long when those thoughts start lessening it’s one month today will my thoughts go else’s where as I’m doing so much to distract my mind
