Narrative Telephone Ep. 4: Widogast's Web of Words 

Liam: Creepy story which is an allegory for Caleb's past Ashley: Dry kids get mugged in a vortex for their organs

Me: German folk tales are metal af. Ashley: *noms the scary away*

It's kinda funny because the first one is like a cautionary tale against the empire and by the time it gets to Matt it feels like it's empire propaganda. "These *stupid* kids wandered out of the empire and got screwed over and so always stay in the empire it will protect you."

Matt saying “the third kid who for some reason is still there” about an allegorical representation of caleb hits different huh

Liam: The manga Matt: The anime Sam: the Netflix adaptation

The lesson here is that anyone can do Jester's voice as long as they're trying to do german

I feel like laura's version is just Jester retelling a story she heard from Caleb to some poor child she cornered.

New York’s hottest new club is Vortex. This club has everything: crones, Yiddish, one eyed children, whispering Germans, and human telephones

Liam: *terrifying children's fairy tale music* Ashley: *a TriP tO thE BaHAmaSsS!*

*Liam's original story:* a dark, cautionary Zemnian tale symbolizing the Empire's funneling and manipulation of youth into the war machine *The end result:* I'm gonna tell you a SPOOKY TALE... dry kids... the Vortex..... om nom nom nom nom....accents ranging all over Europe

Marisha in full confidence: "Kinder, means candy." Liam: "Kinder means children, that's why it's called Kindergarten."

Interviewer: Hey Ashley. When did you know you "made it" in the industry? Ashley: From the moment my name turned into a verb

Liam: Hey, have some German words! Taliesin: No.

Liam: peppering his story with German words and phrases The rest of the cast: I Know One Thing In German And It's How To Count To Three

liam: weaves a terrifying fairytale with themes of indoctrination and continuing cycles of violence Sam by the end, having smeared ash all over his face: an old lady snacks on some dry kids for asking if she's a crone

I think my favorite moment was when Matt said “and the third child for whatever god forsaken reason who is still there and not running”

Travis: “I admit I was so taken by how cute my wife was, I kind of blanked”. AAAAWWWWWWWWWWW ❤️❤️❤️

Me (as a German): this will be an absolute clusterf*ck Also, it's incredible how Liam get's the mood of german horror stories

Liam: "I shall confound you vith my German vords!" Taliesin: "Okay, here's that story, but in English." Marisha: "Oh no, I'm Ashleying this!" [proceeds to talk like Jester] Ashley: [starts out sounding vaguely like Demoman from TF2, then at some point becomes Scout] Laura: [literally just Jester doing an impression of Caleb while presumably scaring the shit out of someone's kid] Travis: [completely lost, but having way too much fun saying OMNOMNOM] Matt: [a gypsy telling his friends bits of the story he overheard Jester telling, critiquing the plot as he goes] Sam: "Hans, let me tell you a spooky story I heard!" "Ja, das ist a spooky story, Claus! Vell done!"

Jester: "Wow. Is any of that true?" Caleb: "Nein. It's an old fairytale. Passed down from many generations. If it were true, many details are likely to be exaggerated." Beau: "I dunno. All those people who willingly sacrificed their own kids? Sounds a bit too, familiar don't you think?" Caleb: "I was never one for fictitious writngs. I have seen that the horrors of the real world far surpass anything in storybooks."

I'm proud of Ashley. While not very accurate, she just went for it this time.

Liam - "Waldhexe" Taleisin - "Voldhex" Marisha - "Vortex" This entire video makes me feel so much better about my mediocre German skills. XD

"The other two children apparently just stand there and watch this happen and are like 'My Turn!'" Best addition EVER!!

Translations: "junger Mensch" - young person/human "Waldhexe" - forest witch "Stolz" - pride "Liebling" - darling/sweetheart "Wildnis" - wilderness "Eins, Zwei, Drei, Vier, Fünf" - One, two, three, four, five "Hunger" - hunger "Großmutter" - grandmother "Kind" - child "Angst" - fear "Kinder" - children

of course Liam managed to turn Narrative Telephone into a way to to tell a harrowing tale that's a metaphor for the empire war machine and caleb's old friends.

Marisha learning German from a native Spanish speaking Teacher is the most Midwestern thing ever.

Laura: “oh Ashley you look so pretty and sparkley” Travis: “you look like you farted in public and someone was behind you”

Liam: Terrifying Bavarian Soothsayer Sam: Eurotrash Nightclub Tweaker

Rexxentrum's hottest club is: Vortex. This club has everything: dry kids, wheat, Crull the Crone (it's that thing where a hag eats your brain, eyes, or heart OMNOMNOMNOMNOM and you and your children's children are cursed).

0:55 Every Junge and Mädchen of the Empire knows the story of the dreaded Waldhexe. Most think it is a tale to frighten children, but the wise know better. Once there were three good children, who walked in the light of the dawnfather. So noble were they, their parents could not help but look upon them with Stolz in their hearts. “Stay close to us, Liebling, say your prayers, serve your king and always walk in the light of the sun.” And so they did. For a time. But children are children, and one day they left their prayers and wandered to the edge of the wood so vast and full of mystery. And though their parents had warned them from ever setting foot in the Wildnis, the desire for knowledge beckoned them. Now they no longer walked in the sun. Soon they could see almost nothing. Linking hands they began to count their steps: “Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf.” And then in the darkness they heard a voice: “Hunger!”. There before them limped a spindly old crone, hair matted with dirt and twig. “Who are you Großmutter and what are you doing in these woods?” “I am these woods, Kind. I am the land and the mountains, too and I hunger. So I think I will eat one of you.” “Oh please Großmutter, our parents would surely despair!” “I must eat for the land to thrive, if I am not to eat one of you, then I shall eat part of all.” The children frozen in Angst watched as the Waldhexe stepped forward, stone knife in hand. From one boy, she cut out much of his mind and ate it and his thoughts were no longer his own. From the second, a girl, she cut out one eye and this too the Waldhexe ate and the child never saw true again. And from the last, she swallowed his heart and he never knew love again. “Now I am fed, Kinder. And the land will flourish and wheat can grow. You may go, as long as you send me your children, and their children after them. Thus will your blood and bones nourish the land and your kingdom can continue to grow.” And so it has - for years upon years - unto this very day. Zemnian to common: Junge = boy Mädchen=girl Waldhexe = forest witch Stolz = pride Liebling = darling/sweetheart (literally: favourite) Wildnis = wilderness Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf. = One, two, three, four, five. Hunger = hunger Großmutter = grandmother Kind = child Angst = fear (possibly ‘anxiety’, if more psychological)

"Kinder is candy" "Its... children."

I shared this with my fiance's grandmother who grew up in East Germany. She really liked the story and told me she used to take her two younger brothers to a "höhle" in the "wald" outside Naumburg, where her parents told them not to go because there might be Russian soldiers in the höhle. She couldn't help but laugh that she's now blind in one eye like the girl in the story. 10/10 Liam.

Beginning: scary German fairy tale that hints Caleb's backstory End: kids chilling at a club and losing brain cells

Liam: Ok, guys, here's a tale from the Grimm brothers Ashley: Ok, guys, this is the Disney version

Liam - German Taliesin - Somewhat German Marisha - Italian Ashley - *IRISH JESTER* { The moment she spoke with an accent, I broke. Jackseptickeye, are you related? } Laura - Diluted German Cookie Monster Travis - Half Decent German & Half Male Jester Cookie Monster Matt - German Gore Cookie Monster A ZEMNIAN FOLLOWS

“And the other two children, who didn’t run for some god forsaken reason.” I love Matt.

Can we get scary bed time stories from Liam as an actual thing. Not even asking as a joke

Last episode, Travis was like: German? We're going to offend an entire country! Me: You have no idea how much we love foreigners crippling our words...

Ashley: "The kids are crying." Kid With No Eyes: ....

I just loved the moment when Quyen brought in the puppet. It's so fitting to see that Sam is married to a person that would crawl into his room with a head on a stick to surprise his friends, it's very wholesome.

I did like that once Marisha admitted she was "Ashley'ing this", the music switched to Ashley's theme music.

I absolutely love the fact that Taliesin managed to condense the entire passage about the Dawn Father into a single word "impetuous".

As a german I have to say that Liams german accent is OG. I started critical role with episode 1 of campaign 2 and for 3 straight episodes I was pleasently surprised that a german can get a job in voice acting with an accent that hard😂

My favorite moments: Travis: nononononono! Matt: YOU KILLED THE WHEAT?! Ashley: i am a verb! Talisan: its like expecting to play Macbeth but being told your playing McDonald.

Liam is the well-written original movie, Taliesin is the not-as-good sequel, Marisha is the redundant sequel, Ashley is the Family Guy cameo, Laura is the remake made by a new studio, Travis is the remade sequel that they based on the original instead of the remake, Matt is the high budget remake that goes well, And Sam is the final Netflix special

Ashley "And they're cursed FOR-EVER" *Sam's door opens, and Travis's favorite cursed child enters* 44:35

So fun fact: Sam actually did something very German without knowing it! Rubbing a burnt cork in your face actually is a tradition here: in some parts of Germany, during carnival there's a day called "Rußiger Freitag" ("Sooty Friday") where people make each other's faces sooty, usually using a burnt cork. We used to look forward to that day when we were in school because we got to go wild for a day since we weren't allowed to go to school in our costumes. So... I guess good job, Sam xD

Liam: here's a great and spooky story Taliesin: TLDR:

The mind eaten: Eodwulf (think that was his name?) his thoughts no longer his own, but those of the Assembly and of Ikithon The eye taken: Astrid, no longer seeing truly the things her master has done The heart: Bren, lost and alone for so many years, and still believing he is an awful person, unworthy of love

The bit where Sam's wife came in and then crawled away reminded me of that news interview with the guy where his kids snuck into the room behind him and his wife barreled in and dragged them out and it made me laugh 10x harder. 😂

I was waiting for Laura to go all Jester on this: "Listen so Caleb told me this story once but I don't think he did a very good job and anyway I was busy painting the wall, soo ... "

Things to love about this video: 1. We learn a new verb 2. Q, her doll, and her socks 3. How genuinely happy Matt is every time someone struggles but eventually gets a story detail right.

Why is Ashley telling the story like she’s trying to bully me into giving her money

I think I'm going to continue thinking about Matt intensely asking "Who dropped the wheat?" for many years to come

I love that Matthew's DM shows so often during these things. His genuine intrigue when he saw Liam's version and just his comments on the performance's.

Marisha: Oh no, I'm Ashleying this Ashley: I'm a veeerb!

Ashley: LET ME TELL YOU A SPOOKY TALE *carebean cruise music in the background*

Liam: German accent Travis: I am heavy weapons guy

Holy fuck. Every single member of the cast is an amazing master of their craft. But Liam... Man, Liam's something special.

“The other two children apparently just stand there and watch this happen and are like ‘my turn!’” Lol that one got me good 😂

Ashley sounds like Gru telling a scary story to the gorls.

The crone crawl is the signature dance during ladies night at the Vortex

Marisha talking about how Kinder means candy and Liam correcting her to say it means children, in regards with Zemnian fairytales, the difference between the two matters little to Waldhexen.

Quyen Tran, famous photography cinematographer, Professional puppeteer

My new eternal mood is *the* Matt Mercer screeching "YOU LOST THE WHEAT" at his wife. Also I literally thought I was gonna pass out from laughing when Quyen was struggling to back out of the room with the doll. This is definitely the best one so far.

36:14 “I’m Ashley-ing this” “I’M A VERB!” 😂😂

I like to imagine the characters are telling these stories So this episode was like Caleb telling Caduceus a bedtime story, and then Cad telling Beau the next morning and so on and so forth

Ohmygosh, Travis' "I admit, I was so taken by how cute my wife was, I kind of blanked on this part..." PRECIOUS.

Anyone talking about Travis's "I was so taken by how cute my wife is that I kinda blanked"?

Matt did so good and he didn’t even see Liam’s. He kinda got the metaphor too. He really did amazing on this one. I love Liam’s story so much

Matthew mercer really salvaged some details that had been lost since the first transmission.

“And the kids were like, ‘are you a crone?’ and she was like ‘yes, I am a crone’” the Mercer effect

Can you imagine what the origins of all the Greek tales and stories must be like if this is how that shit was passed down for centuries

"She goes to the first kid and eats his brain, now whenever he goes to Google something he forgets what he was looking up." "She goes to the second kid and eats one of her eyes, now she has no depth perception and her insurance rates are ridiculous cause she's been in so many accidents." "Finally she goes to the third kid and eats his heart. Now he has really poor circulation and his hands and feet fall asleep really easily."

I love Liam's symbolism. The empire is allowed to grow because of group think, obfuscation of the truth, and a lack of love in a neverending cycle. I also love the obvious inspiration from the Brothers Grimm cautionary tales.

Ahh yes, a new episode of my favorite show “Torturing Ashley Johnson”

Liam totally captures the feel of a Grimm fairy tale. With a very Dwendalian Empire feel.

I love how Liam passes the torch to the Lord of Darkness Taliesin, and the world immediately seems like a brighter happier place. It's like the spooky atmosphere tranformed INTO Taliesin.

*hearing the Caribbean drum background music on Ashley's video* Ashley: "Let me tell you a spooky tale"

When Sam's wife backed out of the room... I haven't laughed this hard in MONTHS.

"Panic! At the Vortex" - Taliesin Jaffe

looking at Matt as Liam talks about "Valdhexer" - you can see him working out the stats.

I love how this story started as something you could convince someone was a real life German parable about the dangers of facism, and ended as the plot of a B horror movie written by someone who heard someone pretend to speak German once.

I like how this tale has an interesting underlying cultural metaphor for the empire. For the empire to flourish you must sacrifice your ability to think for yourself, the ability to see the truth, and the ability to love... very sad ... very Caleb

Taliesin just casually told a story about one of his exes.

38:33 Matt yelling at his wife "YOU CUT THE WHEAT" is just 🤣

When Marisha did it, I immediately thought “Caleb has a cold again”

"the tools I had at my disposal: booze containers and fire." Sam really is a little goblin girl.

"the drei children... eins, zwei, drei... YES, the drei children" - basically everyone

I love how from Ashley onward the "Om-Nom-Nom" stays in the narrative. It's so fucking adorable.

Why did the cut screen say "Sam Riegel" when it was obviously Francois Bertrand Jean-Luc Australia?

Ashley’s “I’m a verb” had me ON THE FLOOR 😂😂

Ashely: "Why the kids went there?? Well it doesn't matter, it's not part of the story!!" xDD

Zey come up to her and vas like “Are you a crone?” And she vas like “Yes, but-“

omg the crone is Trent, the boy who cant think for himself again is eodwulf, the girl who can never truly see again is astrid, and the boy who can never love again is caleb, and this cycle of the empire eating children for it's own benefit will continue for the rest of everyone's lives. Caleb this is so sad.

Ashley: I can't wait to be back to normal so we can stop doing this. Matt: This is never going to end. This is the best thing ever. Please don't stop. I started doing this with my D&D group thanks to you.

I like how Ashley's "Nom Nom Nom" stayed til the end XD

Thanks to Sam's Wife for making laugh the hardest I have laughed in a while. I needed that.

Ashley: Let me tell you a spooky tale... *Cheery music starts playing in the background*

Even during a fun game, Liam can always be counted on to tell a horrifying story of child-maiming and despair.