Neurodivergence - Wednesday Gets Therapized 

I am a hugger, and I have a lot of female friends for that reason because most men have issues being hugged by other men. I became friends with this girl in college who wasn't a hugger, but I was unaware of that and she didn't tell me. After a few months, I was hanging out with some other friends and they casually mentioned (not directed toward me) that my other friend didn't like hugs. In my head I was like "oh crap. I've been making my friend uncomfortable every time she sees me." So the next time I saw her when we were with a group of friends, I didn't hug her. She got offended and said, "Where's my hug?" "I was told that you don't like hugs, and I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me." "Well I like them from you." And we went for a hug. Don't know why she only liked them from me, there was never anything romantic going on, and we still have catch up chats to this day.

I remember in the original movie with Christina Ricci when she's forced to go to camp and Morticia says "Wednesday is that the age when girls only have one thing on their mind", to which the councillor jokingly asks "boys?" and Wednesday replies "homicide". As someone who is autistic and absolutely loathed school activities that feeling is so relatable.

I am autistic and had no interest in wednesday as tim burton movies and Addams family iIterations never spraked my interest, I watched it only as several other autistic people told me how relatable it is and I was not disapointed I cant wait for a second season

Please please please do not mistake not being able to see emotion in a person with that person not feeling. I live this mis-read regularly. I hurts when I am accused of not feeling (or not feeling enough) in person and even more when it gets passed to me second hand. Yes, I am guarded and use my face weird; these facts are a far cry from "not feeling"

It's interesting how you point out the moments where Wednesday could have expressed empathy, but instead goes straight to the facts. When someone shares something important or sad with me, "that must be hard" is something I have to actively remind myself to say. To me, it feels like empty words. It feels artificial. Whereas asking for more info about the situation, or offering my own experience in response, feels like a genuine exchange, which is how I show that I care. I have trained myself to verbalise my sympathies, though, because it is clearly important to many people. I have also become hesitant to respond in situations like that, because I'm afraid of appearing like I'm making it all about myself. I'm afraid my friend will think I'm dragging the spotlight away from them and onto myself. The thing is: in my brain, there is no spotlight to drag anywhere. Instead, there's a rain cloud hanging over my friend, and what I'm doing is stepping under it with them so that they're not all alone in the rain.

As someone on the autism spectrum myself, I really appreciate your emphasis on how important it is for autistic people to be accepted for who they are, both by themselves and others. It took me years to realize that there is nothing wrong with me for not understanding people's emotions and social cues and to instead look at all the strengths I get from autism. I really appreciate when those with a public platform like you use your expertise for more autism discussions and acceptance.

My best friend is autistic and one of the best things for our friendship was me getting diagnosed with ADHD. While looking into ADHD and comparing it to autism I suddenly realized that the major differences between the two correlated with the biggest tensions in our friendship. Particularly, when I would suddenly cancel or change plans. I never knew why it was such a big deal. To me, changes in plans are usually exciting or a relief, even if I was looking forward to the original plan. And I get extremely frustrated and feel on edge if things are too predictable for too long. So I didn't realize that she actually needs that predictability. Now I do my best to stick to plans and if I might have to change or cancel them I make sure to let her know as early as possible so she has enough time to prepare for that possibility as well

I’m autistic, diagnosed about a year ago, so there is still so much I am learning about differences in neurotypes. And this video taught me something about neurotypical expectations. When Wednesday was talking to Bianca, it never once struck me as odd that she asked for more info instead of “empathizing” with her. To me, that WAS her empathizing with Bianca.

"There's a lot of pressure to conform...To do so would be a betrayal." You made me tear up. I'm autistic and ADHD and have been trying to fit in my whole life, before I found out I was neurodivergent in my late thirties. It's a hard habit to break, and I want better for the next generation. Only by people like you saying--and acting on the belief--that we are valuable as we are, can the stigma change. Thank you.

As a person with a sibling with autism, I really appreciate how you said neurodivergent people just show their emotions differently. My brother is usually quiet and slightly stoic in his facial expressions, but once we bring up something he enjoys like fireworks, games, outer space, or birthday surprises, he lights up and gets loud and has the biggest smile. That also is hard for people to understand, and some extended family members joked he was "psycho" when he loudly surprised my mom with a confetti balloon he made. It's hard for people to understand that he has no boundary to show extreme joy when he's happy. It's also hard when they ask him questions and if he doesn't want to answer...he doesn't answer 😅 It took me 13 years (we're 6 years apart) to finally appreciate my brother for who he is and understand how he sees the world differently, but I'm glad that I did!

Neurodivergent here: I am in the ADHD category of this mindset away from the norm: I love the Addams family so much because they love each other being different when many “real” families are quick to judge or shame a person with a different brain. Great Video!!!

It never occurred to me that Wednesday might be ND, particularly autistic, but it makes sense. The rest of the family are very affectionate towards each other. When Morticia, Gomez, and Pugsley are leaving Nevermore and Pugsley throws his arms around her, while Morticia knows to give Wednesday space... Hyperfocus, while most strongly associated with ADHD, is part of autism, as well. I think she, at first, hugs Enid back because Wednesday understands Enid could have died. But after a few moments, she realizes that she needs the hug as well.

Thank you so much for this message. As an ND person (mostly ADHD with a few extras) I've been suffering from being misunderstood all my life, and I've constantly been told there was something wrong with me and "that's not how people are supposed to behave". I'll never forget the moment we were told in school to never trust anybody who won't look you in the eyes, because "they have something to hide". That really HURT, because I can't even lock eyes with people I'm really close with, much less total strangers. I had to learn to stare at the base of the nose to fake looking other people in the eyes just to not be outcast from society because of this stupid superstition. On the other hand, my first German teacher will always have a very special place in my heart. She once told my parents (who always tried to force me into masking): "Your child spends most of my lessons staring out of the window, doodling patterns on their books or writing page upon page of made-up words into their exercise book. But when I ask them about the lesson, they always know the correct answer. That's fine with me, teaching is not about feeding my own ego by having children hang on my lips, it's about them learning something. And if they learn best by simply being themselves, that's great! So please stop telling them to sit still and look at me. That's not how their brain works, and that's totally okay."

I just wanted to point out that when Enid says, “Because that’s what friends do. They don’t have to be asked. And the fact that you don’t know that says everything” - that’s a mess. People are not mindreaders. They don’t know the specific needs of others. They do have to be asked. Because every brain is different. Every person is different. Everyone has different needs, even in similar situations. What is affirming and helpful for one person can actually be damaging to another. We need to normalizing asking for what we need, and hearing others when they do.

I'm AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD) and really like how you handled this! One misconception is that we (Autistic people) don't feel empathy, but we do! The difference is in how we show it. Neurotypical people will typically show it by saying something like "I'm sorry!" or something similar, to show they understand what has happened and empathise. But for a Neurodivergent person, when we want to show empathy, we share a story from our own experiences that is similar to what the person we're talking to shared to show we understand and sympathise/empathise. To Neurotypical folks, this is generally seen as rude, as making the moment and discussion about ourselves instead of about them, but to Neurodivergent folks, it's a sign of understanding and empathy/sympathy. We also tend to have difficulty expression our emotions: Not necessarily entirely emotionless in appearance, or totally flat affectations, we may just have difficulty putting feelings into words or expressing them in a way that Neurotypicals find acceptable. As for the Social Cues, that is also a spectrum of how we handle it. Some can read the Social Cues, and maybe even understand what they are, but the cues don't make sense and so get ignored or disregarded. Some can't recognise the cues, but can tell when they've missed something, Some can't recognise the cues and don't recognise the more subtle expression of lines being crossed. And, due to the consequences of crossing those lines, we're prone to overshare and overexplain everything just to make sure there are no misunderstandings. How we tend to socialise is seen as strange. Our biggest ones, that seem the most common regardless of where we are in the massive spectrum, are Parallel Play (everyone is doing their own thing and just vibing side by side), Info Dumping (talking about our special interests at great length to a friend/whoever we're talking to, and then listening as they do the same), and Penguin Pebbling (I found this cool thing and thought you would like it/this thing made me think of you (gift sharing, but could also be meme sharing)). We tend to Hyperfocus, often to the determent of ourselves and/or others. Wednesday was so focused on the mystery, which drew her interest, that she missed out on some cues of what was going on around her and the damage that was being caused. I know I've been so hyperfocused on something that I didn't eat for that day and barely remembered to drink/take my allergy medication. (I also have trouble sensing hunger and thirst in general, so it was easy to miss out on food and drink for the day and not notice) And then there's Executive Disfunction, which often gets called laziness, but really is our brains refusing to allow our bodies to move to do what we need to do or want to do. We know we have things to do, we want to do them, but we can't. And it get frustrating when people don't understand that. When it comes to touch, we vary. Some love touch, some can't stand touch, and it can even very depending on if we are in a good headspace or nearing a meltdown or shutdown. .....This turned into a massive spiel, sorry! I could go on and on about this topic, and about the various struggles I have in navigating the world (Between my Autism, ADHD, SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria), Dyspraxia, Chronic Pain Condition (going on 16 years of trying to find a name for it and something to help it), and Semi-Verbal nature (I'm most comfortable when I don't have to speak, but I can speak when needed and can force speech as needed, but have Non-verbal days and go into Non-Verbal shut downs when overwhelmed), but I think I've already shared a bit too much for a simple video about Wednesday and Neurodivergence. So I'll end by saying this: If you know one Neurodivergent person, then you know ONE Neurodivergent person. The spectrum is massive, so even though there are some traits we'll share, there will also be plenty of things that are unique to each Neurodivergent person. All we ask is that you have patience and understanding when working with us, and that you remember we are just as complex as you.

I think the biggest thing everyone misunderstands about Wednesday is that she actually loves her family but is afraid they might die if she loves them after the trauma of her pet scorpion being killed by bullies when she was a little girl.

I'm Autistic, and I appreciate the approach you showed here. Its nice to hear someone talk about the strengths of neurodivergence and not just the shortcomings. I'm over 40 and still struggling with social relationships. I WANT to be around people, and I just can't figure out how to make that happen, even though many folks say I'm friendly and fun to be around. It's still impossible to go past friendship or hold a job. It shouldn't be this hard. Just one point of difference in what you talked about in the video. We do have and experience the normal range of human emotions, we just don't express them or show them in ways neurotypical folks recognize. Sometimes we can't identify or label exactly WHAT we're feeling, but we do feel it...sometimes very little, sometimes too much!

My therapist recommended CinemaTherapy to me. I have binged all those videos and now am binging these. I am neurodivergent (ADHD) and diagnosed (along with the ADHD) with clinical depression, GAD, and CPSTD. Y'all's videos have helped me sooooo much--keep up the fantastic work!

YES! I'm goth & autistic. Watching Wednesday was like looking in a mirror. I don't catch all these details because, to me, she acts normally. I don't pick up on the social cues the other characters are giving her either, and she always responds similarly to how I would have, so hearing the non autistic perspective on Wednesday is amusing.

as both a goth person and an undiagnosed autistic person I relate hard to Wednesday, especially this iteration. I always found it hard to relate to autistic characters until Wednesday, but she quite literally speaks my language with our shared morbid interests and the way we communicate. The way we both say "I love you" is insults and threats of violence and death. To say I feel seen by Wednesday as a show and character would be an understatement.

I was diagnosed with autism a few months ago as an adult. As a kid I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, "a human" I said. Something I have realized as an adult that resonates with many ND people is that "I enjoy being alone but I hate being lonely". It's one of the main struggles that I have with my autism that is made worse by my CPTSD, I struggle to open up to people along with them not wanting to do the same with me. I watched Wednesday last month to see what all the hype was in the autistic community and I loved it. I'm very new to viewing myself as autistic and related so much to the hyperbolic character of Wednesday, my form of torturing my siblings involved hiding things when they displeased me rather than waterboarding though 😅

As a neurodivergent person adhd ( some Dr's have had some suspension about autism), the thing about Wednesday is that she is empathetic she does feel but not in the traditional way. Social cues are hard, and a lot of my persona is preppy in a melodramatic kind of way. But I learned to be over dramatic because I was taught that emotional flatness isn't enough cue to know what you actually mean. So I over emphasize my emotions for others.its not me being fake. It's just the times I grew up in that they emphasized cbt and teaching kids the "right way" of emoting. If it were up to me, I'd be more flat. Not like Wednesday per se but somewhere close. Again the emotion is there for Wednesday it's just that she's not over verbalize or emoting. But the care and empathy is 100% there.

Kudos to Tim burton for letting her have feelings sometimes. People are sometimes scared to make Wndsday have any turmoil ever because they think it will take away her wndsday-ness.

I'm neurodivergent (ASD and ADHD) and I always loved Wednesday. When I watched the series some scenes (like when Enid changes room after the date/girl's night) it hurt me and I didn't understood why. Then when you explained that scene and you told "neurodivergent people feel it but they don't know how to describe it" (something like that) I almost cried

The hug makes sense because Wednesday had just gone through a severely traumatic event. I don’t hug ordinarily but if something has happened to break down my sense of safety to that degree I am far more likely to accept a hug from whoever offers it. It has to be to a point of dissociation almost, but that’s where Wednesday is. Enid represents a safe and familiar presence by this time in the story. The blood no doubt also makes her more reassuring. ;) Make no mistake, Jonno… we understand the emotions of neurotypicals EXACTLY AS MUCH as they understand ours. Such that both sides find it hard to believe the other is telling the truth. “How can you not like hugs and eye contact?” “How can you tell they’re mad if they can’t be bothered to freaking say so?” We can’t believe they have so little respect and keep leaping to conclusions, they can’t believe we’re so rude and can’t put two and two together. We can’t believe they talk for so long about nothing, they can’t believe we can talk for so long about one thing. I could go on and on about these human : space alien relations but you get the point. And now I know another reason why I loved this show so much. Also they had a great Uncle Fester and Pugsley is too adorable to be allowable by natural law. And as odd as it is to admit it, I was weirdly hypnotized by the almost magical way Morticia’s boobs were always so perfectly set in her dress. The costume department should be proud. And speaking of magic… a psychologist (the one good one I ever saw myself) taught me about active listening. I think more Autistics should learn this. It’s like a missing piece of the puzzle. Much of social interaction is unnecessarily oblique to what is actually intended such that it’s like being expected to compete in a game with no rules presented. Active listening is a system we can actually learn with practice. If more of social interaction was presented as a system that can be applied, I think we would be able to do better. Considering it works the opposite of how we usually come across, it’s very helpful indeed where you need to counteract your natural tendency to route back to a familiar subject. You can actually make people feel heard instead of the opposite. Very helpful as a parent.

As a person that has struggled my entire life with being able to conduct conversations with people, I really relate to Wednesday. I can't tell you how many times, I've spent rehashing conversations to make sure I didn't say something that would offend the person I was talking to. When I was a child, my mom used to say that she would cringe every time I went to say something at family gatherings because she never knew what strange thing would come out of my mouth. It's made me very unsure and so I avoid social situations. My siblings say I have no filter and they're right. I've tried to get past it, but it's just how I am. Still it does hurt to be seen as off-putting.

I appreciate you making this video and going out of your way to be nuanced, informed, and respectful of the community. I can't wait to possibly see more videos like this in the future! Autistics aren't a monolith, and I feel the video did a great job highlighting the type of autistic presentation shown by Wednesday. I do want to mention for anyone who happens to be reading this comment that autistic people can also be hyper-empathetic, cartoonish levels of expressive, very very tuned into social cues, etc, and those who mask in such a way that they appear neurotypical to many. And each of these aspects of autistic presentation can vary in either extreme, changing day to day, person to person.

"Neurodivergent people aren't broken. They are just different" I love this! Because we are treated like we are broken

Flat affect, paranoia, and even the visions she have could all point to schizophrenia as well. I think it's ambiguous for a reason and needs to stay that way. Lovely video!

As an introvert, thank you for this! One of my best friends is a huge extrovert. It took her awhile to understand that my tolerance for socializing is limited, and has nothing to do with not wanting to be around her. If my "social battery" is low, and she wants to see me, we get together at one of our houses and do a movie marathon, rather than a bar or party.

When it comes to the experience of empathy, as an autistic, i can def relate to Wednesday. I have never 'put myself in another's shoes' to feel empathy. I am interested in the facts and experiences of others, and I respect and empathise for them. Even though some have called that "shallow" - for me, it makes that I'm able to empathise with everyone. I've seen that often, people are only able to empathise with people if they can imagine it happening to *them*, and fail to empathise when they cant, like for homeless people, minority groups, etc. Whereas I can't make that distinction. I'm not saying my empathy is inherently better, just that neurotypical empathy has its flaws as well. And that it can be frustrating when your type of empathy is pathologized or completely dismissed.

My mom got offended one time that I commented that our family is more like the Addams family than a "normal" family. My entire immediate family are various flavors of neurodivergent, and we're okay with being "weird" together

Just a thought as an autistic person, I feel like the hug scene at least from my viewpoint would have been first hug as an automatic she is running toward me with her arms out, social cues say hug is appropriate, therefore hug even though it’s uncomfortable. Second hug was looking at her face and seeing “oh that wasn’t enough, she’s still upset” more hug as a kind of I must fix my friend thing. I really liked your viewpoint and I am very excited for season 2.

As someone with inattentive ADD who was diagnosed in her mid-twenties I spent my whole childhood and still up to this day being made to feel that I‘m Not enough. Sentences like „if you would just focus you could be so much Better“ or „stop wasting your potential and concentrate in what you‘re doing“ and to this day I want to scream at those people (mostly teacher and family) that I KNOW and I would if only I could and That constant criticism and disappointment wears on me to this day. Because I would have given up literally everything to be neurotypical Just once and have people be apprechiative and proud

I dated someone who was autistic, and his dad and sister were as well ( all clinically diagnosed as so ). They all all displayed these traits in different ways, but I loved being around them because of these differences. I wonder if I too might be on the spectrum because of certain behaviors and lack of understanding human interactions at times, but I've never been diagnosed. One of the most difficult things about being in the relationship though was that my boyfriend never saw his differences as beautiful and valuable. He knew multiple languages, had such a beautiful eye for macro insect photography and saw the world in such a lovely way, but he felt that feeling of being "other" being different more than he saw all his amazingness.

Wow, this puts the scene where the girls fight into context for me. I've had scenario's where I honestly to this day do not know what I did wrong. This person new from the get go that I am autistic but I guess they didn't realize that I just didn't see or feel what they were seeing or feeling. It's really frustrating when something like that happens, especially if they can only scream at you 'you know what you did wrong' and not believing you when you say 'no, honestly, I just told you X, Y and Z and I don't see what is the problem.'

Being confused about why someone is mad at you is such a horrible feeling because so many people don't want to explain because they think you should already know. Its so horrible and it happens too much for me.

The fact that you always repeat how it's okay and there's nothing wrong with the way neurodivergent people act makes me so happy, thank you so much

I am Autistic and I got my diagnosis when I was 28 years old. This video made me cry a little because it made me remember my school life and how completely different I was, without understanding what was going on with me. Now I work as a Gestalt Psychotherapist and one of my focus is to help people with Autism understand themselves. Thank you so much for your videos, I really enjoy all of them ☺💜

I have an asperger's personality and thanks to this series, Wednesday Addams has become one of my favorite movie characters. I really relate to her. Mostly it's how she's really intelligent, but hides emotions a lot because she doesn't know what to do with them.

As a person who works with kids aged 3-11 on the spectrum, I really appreciate you talking about them not changing themselves ☺️

As someone with Aspergers IRL, I love this analysis and the messages in this video!Thank you for informing people about Autism and explaining what Autism is and how people can better interact with them. Growing up, I had to deal with extreme lonliness from constant social rejection or social neglect from my Neurotypical peers. Whenever I tried to be myself around my Neurotypical peers, I always end up emotionally hurt, misunderstood, people misinterpret me all the time, people think that I'm arrogant or selfish when I'm actually not, or people are scared off by my tendency to fixate on my special interests in a more intense, passionate, analytical way than most people would. I always fantasized about having the kind of best friend who would always be there for you and always stand up for you no matter what, and it was like a fairytale, like something from a children's book about friendship that was real for my Neurotypical peers and my Neurotypical little sister whose positive social experiences sound like an absolute fantasy to me, but never for me. I still want to experience those positive social experiences and even find a husband whom I don't have to mask around, who I can express my full emotions around without them telling me that I'm doing something socially wrong somehow, and who will accept me for me. But despite my negative social experiences brought on by my Aspergers, I am quite gifted when it comes to academics and art to the point where most people who meet me IRL consider me a genius. But when that genius comes at the expense of normal social experiences and a normal social life, sometimes I wonder if it is really worth it or if I would be happier if I was born Neurotypical.

I’m autistic and would like to offer a gentle correction. Firstly, thank you for continuing to promote the message of "different, not broken" when it comes to autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people. It's clear that you're passionate about helping neurotypical people better understand and engage with their neurodiverse peers. That said, please consider moving away from language that suggests autistic people lack empathy/emotions/intuition, etc. (examples in this video include 2:36, 7:10, 11:18, though it also happened in CT's Lilo & Stitch episode). This contradicts your core message by measuring autistic people against a neurotypical baseline, which is common in the deficit model of disability. In reality, we are often deeply (sometimes excessively) emotional and empathetic. We just experience and express it differently than most neurotypical people have learned to recognize. For a long time autistic people have been described as lacking "theory of mind," but neurotypical people struggle just as much to understand our internal worlds. As you hint at around 9:30, it's not a one-way deficit - it's two people being on such different wavelengths that neither one intuitively understands what the other is trying to express.

I know I am neurodivergent and unofficially on the spectrum. People have always been odd to me. I remember being a kid on the playground trying to understand the strange customs and behaviors from my peers. At four years old, I told my mom I was worried about my career because I couldn't pick between being an author or an artist. I thought I was really good at masking, but my friends knew from the start.

I had this experience with one of my students. I was told ahead of time that he was on the spectrum, but it was as a "warning" to accept bad behavior. Luckily, I had prior experience because I have family, friends, and their kids who were at different levels. This young man was very organized, always did everything the same way when he came to put his stuff down, and was exceptionally bright with great questions and conversation about the material. He was just very business-like. It was during Covid year, and we had to have an assignment daily, so I had one content day, then one notes day alternating. He hated the notes part and didn't want to do it because it's not part of his process. So he showed frustration the same way a gifted student does. He didn't see value in it. I explained each time that we had to turn in something daily for attendance and that it didn't have to be word-for-word long notes, maybe just bullet points for new things he learned. I did get buy-in, and that's the only "behavior" thing i noticed. But I can see where people would see that as defiance or talking back. As I said. I was lucky. My nephew is severely autistic and my brother and sister-in-law were really good about learning how to help him and relate to him. The student's mom kept apologizing and saying, "I know he's a handfull," but I just reassured her that he was fine and that I liked him.

I am neurodivergent--specifically ADHD. I know throughout my life I have trouble relating to people. I can see it in their body language that we're not jiving, but I can't always figure out why. Sometimes I relate better with others who are neurodivergent as well--our conversations will easily jump around all over the place. Having said that, I have a lot of friends, both neurodivergent and not, who care for me for who I am. This was a great video!

My son is 5 years old and lvl 3 non verbal autistic. I cried at the part you said how lonley being different can be. Something that has been on my mind for him from day 1 after official diagnosis. His communication is by echoing movie quotes to me.. lol he is into lion king right now so when he is upset he says "run away momma (instead of simba), run away and never return".... or "you disgust me" (from live action lion king). I hope he finds kind-hearted friends in his life ❤

Wonderful video on autism. Thank you, for bringing it more to light. Just one thing I’ll mention that I’ve come across many therapists believing is that autistic people lack empathy. Most often that is not the case. In fact, we are extremely sensitive and affected by other peoples pain. It’s overwhelming and we don’t know how to express it. Which is where the misconception comes from. And it’s hurtful to hear and be misunderstood in that way…especially from professionals. Once again thank you for your videos. I always enjoy them 😊

Would be nice if you analyze Enid next. Lots of people have read her as having ADHD. And folks who are AuDHD (like I suspect I am) have heavily identified with both Wednesday and Enid. Great video!

I am on the spectrum. In Wednesday's interaction with Thornhill (as well as some others) I can't quite tell whether she is trying to connect or to antagonise. She would probably recognise that her blunt approach can alienate others and cause fear and discomfort even if she can't always tell which emotion she provoked specifically. I also feel like in real life, the social pressure to conform, to twist yourself to the expectations of others can help create a facsimile of social social skills even though it' more like applying the rules from a code you don't understand. Wednesday's detachment is (from my experience) unusual and typically Addams.

"I wish I cared a little more." That line resonates with me quite well. I tend to enter situations - every situation I can - with the mindset of "Approach with apathy and you'll never be disappointed." Although it helps with my anxiety and such, keeping me from panicking and worrying, I get chastised for not showing enough emotion. Thus, I've been dubbed "the quiet kid" at gatherings, among various other, harsher titles. "I wish I cared a little more." It's not melancholic. It's not self-pity. It's not making oneself be what others are. It's simply a statement. Not caring, though her and my norm, seems not to be the norm for others. It's difficult to operate as a knife among forks or fork among knives. The metaphor is interchangeable. I forgot what my point was here, or of there even was one, but my words still stand.

I’m neurodivergent due to growing up disabled and learning to navigate life in a different way. I had moments where I really resonated with Wednesday, having the feeling of, “This is who I am. I’m not going to apologize for being myself.” And it felt empowering. Wednesday has her faults, but she’s also a good example of owning who you are.

When trying to explain my neurodivergence to others (high functioning spectrum) I compare it to emotional/social dyslexia. It isn't that I do not feel emotions, I just have trouble recognizing them, both my own as well as those of others.

This is beautiful! I love the positivity and acceptance here. I’m Autistic + ADHD, and didn’t know the name for my experiences until the last year or so (I’m in my 20s). A lot of this information is true for a lot of autistic people, but autism is a spectrum, and all of us present differently. Oftentimes autistic women present differently than this, because we tend to mask more often than men do. For me, I can be very excitable and show my emotions when I feel safe, but when I’m at work or social events, I do often go more flat affect, because of extreme social anxiety and sensory overstimulation. I (like many autistics) have extreme emotional empathy, but I don’t have as much cognitive empathy, which means I feel it viscerally when my loved ones are hurting, but I often can’t predict their thoughts like neurotypicals seem to be able to. I’m proud of my neurodivergence, and I love seeing positive representation!!

It really touched me when you described how at the moment where Wednesday could have expressed sympathy, she went straight for the next question, (or factual inquiry, shall I say,) and that's okay! Simply by having the conversation, she demonstrates, how much she cares.❤️‍🔥

Thank you for this careful, thoughtful analysis. Love your videos! Just a little note: Some people with ASD do show emotion. It's not a mandatory symptom. The way they show it is likely to still be somewhat atypical (some are quite good at masking, though).

Hi! This is a great video and I love the examination of people with autism in the Wednesday series. Here are just a couple of small notes on language regarding neurodivergence that might help everyone! *We usually try to use person-first language, ie: instead of saying someone is autistic we say “a person with autism”. *”Normal” is a word we tend to steer away from, instead saying things like “neurotypical”. The word “normal” is really loaded in the neurodiverse community. *There’s a common misconception that folks with autism lack emotion or empathy, but very often nothing could be further from the truth. We just don’t always connect emotionally or express emotion in a neurotypical way. This video is a great examination of how people who are neurodiverse sometimes struggle to interact with their friends and peers, and love the videos here at Mended Light in general!

my best friend is autistic, & this helped me understand so much. i am definitely the "soft & sensitive" one in the relationship & never understood how/why she wasn't. thank you for this!! 💚

This was a helpful breakdown and very relatable. I haven’t seen the show but I’ve seen the “I’ve really tried…” clip of Wednesday & her friend several times. Always makes me tear up and reminds me of a high school friendship that fell apart, and how it may have felt through her eyes. (Me being more like Wednesday) Fabulous acting, and fabulous analysis. Ty as always.

Wednesday broke and healed my heart at the same time, as an autistic person that still longing and working on my late diagnoses. It was difficult to see her struggles, things that i´ve understood and past throug, but it was harder to see how people could make room for her being and getting better on human connection with love and it wasn´t a option for most of my life. The hardest part, on my perspective, on being autistic (with or without diagnoses): people neuronormative respecting theirs needs and at the same time respecting yours, even without understanding it too much. People are often easy to judge and misjudge others.

the writing in this show is AMAZING. they made being "weird" normal.

As a neurodivergent person, I deeply appreciate this video for the validation and kindness shown toward neurodivergent folks. I'm gifted/HSP/whatever one might wanna call everything-is-intense-and-I'm-smart-in-a-way-that-is-hard (like, finished college at age 17 and also have a lot of behaviors and thought patterns that are in a Venn diagram with ADHD and ASD). Most of my close friends are also neurodivergent and/or come from other countries, and I find that those folks share the feeling of being "other" and not completely getting social cues as expected. I do observe that often people think neurodivergent folks are antisocial, but in truth a lot of us are highly social and empathetic but also don't react the same way neurotypical folks do in any given situation. I think in general a lot of neurodivergent people I know are actually more thoughtful, kind, patient, and loving than neurotypical people because we know what it is like to be bullied and outcast.

As someone who's ND (ADHD, plus there's been some talk about looking into Aspergers as a possibility) this show was....a gut punch but in a good way. I basically used the show to explain some of my quirks to my partner. Though I tend to be better at masking than Wednesday is (But I compare it to AI art, it's not perfect and there's always something a bit off) and it kinda helped him understand where I'm coming from on a lot of things. That it's not a lack of caring. I care...I just don't show it like "normal" people do. But I do show it.

I’m AuDHD, and just last night read a paper from 2022 showing that autistic people don’t necessarily have deficits in social communication, but that problems arise from interactions between people with mixed neurotypes (e.g., autistic vs. non-autistic), through the Double Empathy Problem. Essentially, it boils down to a mismatch in expectations and ability to code-switch or otherwise adapt to people with differing communication styles. In fact, in this study (and in the experience on myself and many others commenting on it), using the neurotypical deficit model, it was the neurotypicals in the study with the deficits in communication, not the autists, who got along with each other better than neurotypicals got along with each other in non-mixed situations. Because of the way we’re processing information so differently, we may struggle to pick up on or to express neurotypical social cues, but we’re usually able to adapt (because we have to in order to survive), whereas non autistic people are more likely to be weirded out by us immediately and never attempt to bridge that empathy gap. This has always been the key difference in my interactions with others, now that I think about it: whether or not the person I’m talking with vibes with me, it comes down to whether they judge me by their own expectations of me or adapt their expectations of me to fit me as I actually am, which determines the rapport and success of our interaction. Side note: Wednesday’s reaction to the surprise party wasn’t as much a lack of understanding the social cues and as issue of rigidity and perseveration making the cues she definitely got an unwelcome distraction. She missed the clues before the reveal, but the reaction to the reveal was negative because she wasn’t prepared for the change in plans, and wasn’t ready to disengage from her task. I had a similarly bad reaction when my parents surprised me with a new car (pre-diagnosis) because in the moment, all I could see was the unexpected loss of my best Autobot friend of ten years, not the joy of the 17-year-newer model of my beloved Civic. I even made a joke as we first arrived that it had better not be for me because I’d never give up my buddy as we first arrived, because I was initially told it was for my dad, and (I thought) the idea of it being for me was hilariously ridiculous… when I saw my mom’s face, I realized it was a surprise for me, and then I basically had a mini meltdown/panic episode while I tried to process the loss, the gratitude, and the pain I was causing and unable to stop causing with every passing second. Even after explaining what was going on in my head years later, my neurotypical parents still can’t quite understand it.

This hits hard, a lot I needed to hear. I am hearing impaired and visually dependent (despite visually impaired/ legally blind). This seems to mean that I can be considered neurodivergent. There’s a lot I had to learn socially growing up. I wanted social interaction and to feel normal as much as possible but evidently always hung on the fringe or forever outcast. Still learning, in that way but also how to stand my ground and patiently show others or remind them that I can’t always be expected to carry the weight of normal people expectations. My workload, due to neurodivergency and disability, is already higher than average normal persons. I want to be normal, to do what normal people can, and some things I can but need compassion when I can’t. Just show someone compassion/kindness. Thats all we need.

Well... I didn't expect to end up in the rabbit hole of questioning my neurotype today, but here I am 2 hours after watching this video buried in tabs of articles on autism. I'm now reanalyzing my entire life through a different lens because the more I look, the more I find that parts which never made sense before are kind of falling into place. If this is anything like my past identity explorations, I'll be in label limbo for months, but many thanks to the video and commenters for making me think about this. Even if it's an invalid connection, I'm learning a lot about myself in the process.

My beautiful 6 year old son was diagnosed with autism right before starting kindergarten, but I knew he was autistic since he was 3 years old. His dad refused to believe it right up until the diagnosis was made. I think a lot of parents are afraid to see what is there because they think that a diagnosis of autism will mean that there is something wrong with their kid. But from the moment I first suspected it, I was not remotely bothered by the idea that my son might be autistic. I loved him to death and knew he would be the same unique kid after a diagnosis. And I knew that with a diagnosis, we could focus on, and develop his unique strengths. I don't know what he would be like now if we had ignored the signs; but I do know that with early and consistent support, he is set to conquer the world. Also, as an aside, I was never diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I'm neurodivergent myself. This video really resonated with me. I have struggled with trying to anticipate how people will react to me for my whole life. People are always getting mad, hurt, offended, or, most often, just plain put off, when I least expect it. I don't want my son to struggle like I did.

Thank you for clarifying that Neurodivergent is not a synonym for autistic but simply a type of it. I have ADHD and CP which is a neurodivergent movement disorder.

I'm neurodivergent (CPTSD), but not in the ways Wednesday is (I don't relate to her experiences at all). I'd love to hear your take on the struggles of executive dysfunction! When I meet people they can see that I'm a smart and have those kind of capabilities to succeed in life, yet are always surprised when I say that my executive dysfunction is a disability which makes it impossible for me to work or achieve the typical milestones in life! I literally came to the realisation yesterday that I need to quit the easiest college course I could find (art at the lowest degree level, barely any study outside of class, doing part time for only one day a week) because I'm not coping! It's so hard knowing that you are so very capable in one sense at achieving things (which is the way most people see you, because outwardly you don't show any signs of a disability/neurodivergence), but that in the only sense that seems to matter, you are barely capable at all! It would be great if you could make a video that explains these two experiences!

As someone who has been plagued by my autism my entire life, to me the most unrealistic part of this entire series wasn't the monsters, it was that people still tried to connect with Wednesday, that they didn't give up on her and tried to understand and give her a place amongst them.. that simply doesn't happen in real life sadly. Those of us who are different are outcasts, ghosts, or even subject for mockery

As someone who has both ADHD & autism, I am very pleased with how many representations of ADHD/autistic people in movies & tv we are seeing lately. Wednesday, Evelyn from EEAAO, Katie & Aaron from The Mitchell’s vs. the Machines, etc. Very encouraging to see people like me on the screen being super-awesome and not being cast as some kind of burden to the people around them.

I think that a lot of what I see, at least in the experiences of my friends and I and our kids... Is that seeing the various levels of neurodivergence is also important. Like, my daughter with an ADHD diagnosis and her cousin who is pretty severely autistic from a genetic microdeletion. And then remembering how hard it has been to realize the "oh hey, maybe the reason I always felt and was treated by my family as explicitly different (eg. I literally just told my partners I need a flow chart for all the subtext in a 'normal' conversation with my folks 😂😅) is because I AM wired different and that is ok" ... Like finally realizing I am neurospicy and learning what flavors as an adult is helping me be a better parent and a better me. So yes, Wednesday might be coded autistic, and I wouldn't be surprised, but even that diagnosis we need to be aware is on a spectrum, as well as that a lot of things we see as symptoms for things are more ... Studied in guys. Like we all know a male heart attacks symptoms, but women's can be identical to panic attacks and only differentiated by the EKG and blood tests.

Excellent Episode, thank you for that Jonno! I am on the autism spectrum (diagnosed recently at age 37) and it is really hard. Just being around people: I feel like in a play and I'm the only one who didn't get the script and never nowing what is going to happen next. Trying to recover from family and teachers not knowing or understanding what is going on. Always labled as shy, socially awkward and lazy, always underperforming and not meeting the mark while doing my best. My diagnosis was a huge relief, but on the outside I mask just well enough that people tend to forget that i have limitations and instead of an adjustment in expectations, I am still supposed to be "more normal" which is soul crushing. Even though they claim to understand my diagnosis. I still feel nobody can see who I really am and I don't even know who I am because of having spent all my life so far trying to be who I was expected to be and failing. But who really knows who they are I guess, talking to people about that, the issue is downplayed and it's said that everybody feels that way, or so I am told. Also I feel emotions extremely deeply and I care about people and not fitting in or offending/hurting others on accident, but it doesn't show on the outside, so it is easy to assume that I don't care. Easy to be misread/misunderstood. Animals are the only safe connections in my life.

I kinda got the vibe from how she handled her “emotions” as it is pretty similar to how I handle mine(not healthy btw). She builds up her walls all while pretending she would rather be alone, when in all reality she really cares.

You almost got me when you said trying to conform would be a betrayal to ourselves. I've been diag' as neurodivergent a couple of months ago. My whole life had been a succession of people telling me I should show more emotions, show more interest to the people around me or that I'm weird in the way I think/act/talk. Thank you for saying we're not broken because we are neurodivergents!

I'm on the autism spectrum and I just want to thank your for this content; expressing that we bring value to the table and that we're worth accommodating. So much other content is focused on our deficits and masking capabilities and what autistic people are expected to do for the comfort of others, but to be honest, just presenting as "human" consumes soooo much bandwidth that it's exhausting and personally, I have to withdraw to recover from the depletion.

My daughter is neurodivergent and it is such a struggle for her in school. 😢 She is in forth grade now and has no friends. She gets bullied and teazed a lot. And as best as I and her therapist try to explain to her that she is unique not horrible she still feel heavily depressed. It's heart breaching to watch your child go through this and not being able to help😢😢😢

Autistic here *waves* since I was a kid I always thought I couldn’t be autistic cause I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum where I feel waaay too much than nothing really and I want so desperately to make connections it comes off like wow, and I was abused and conditioned to understand basic social ques or else; so now in my 30’s and my last therapist and I worked out I’m the way I am cause all these reasons AND autistic. I switched to a specialized therapist for autistic individuals who experienced a lot of trauma in the name of conforming and it was very eye opening. Being autistic isn’t the same for everyone and having shows like this display autistic individuals even a little is helpful. I hope that the mass media companies can do some research and one day be able to show a bit more of the whole spectrum, so that little kids and their parents can realize ohh maybe our child is just a bit different, instead of forcing them to conform “for their saftey”

I have asperger's and have all the associated social struggles. I really appreciate the way you model compassion and empathy, it helps me relate to NT people in a way they can more easily understand without making me feel like I'm completely faking it

It's interesting because I have two kids with ASD (both high-functioning and neither is a teenager yet) so I'm usually pretty receptive to signs of ASD in others yet it hadn't occurred to me with Wednesday. Maybe it's because I went into it with expectations of her unusual behavior and viewed it as normal for her. I viewed her pushing people away and lack of connection as an intentional rejection of friendship because she felt friends were more of a liability in her endeavors and didn't see the benefit of it, or possibly as a trauma response from her childhood where she had friends but her unusual tastes caused them to reject her and she developed her uncaring nature as a means of protection. I felt that the scene with Bianca was showing that she was aware of social cues but that she had actively avoided responding to them for so long it became second nature and it was hard for her to overcome that even though she was starting to want to develop friendships. The hug at the end was basically her finally relenting and accepting that there was a positive aspect to friendship and forcing herself to make that effort to open up again. Thank you for your astute observations, Jono! Keep up the good work!

Watching this video and keeping in mind the conversation Wednesday had with Morticia when she was first being enrolled into the academy, where she says something and Morticia says in response "Finally a kind word for your mother" made it click in my head exactly how much it is that Morticia understands Wednesday and how her brain works.

I just discovered that I got adhd and i don't know what to feel or to think about it. Thank you for your intelligent and kind words about neurodiverce people - it helps me to process my thoughts and feelings.

Something I'd like clarification (and maybe a whole educational video) on: what exactly makes someone neurodivergent vs "different"? Because sure, people with autism, ADHD etc. think and see the world differently, but technically speaking EVERYONE does. When does someone's unique perspective and way of processing things make them neurodivergent? How deviant from the "norm" does someone have to be before they're no longer just "unique," "weird" or "eccentric"? How is the "norm" established in the first place? How do we determine whether someone has a form of neurodivergence or simply shares similar traits? What types of psychological conditions are considered forms of neurodivergence, and why? Are there disagreements about what things should or should not be in that category?

Thank you nurodivergent people are not broken we are different. Another thing we do have empathy it is just different than yours. All you have to do to see this is change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change just like Wayne Dyer said.

Really appreciated what was said in this video. I can be split down the middle - I can either come across very monotonous and uncaring or care so much and get told I'm too emotional. It's incredibly difficult to find where on that line I'm expected to be with every single individual relationship.

Wednesday in her previous versions was super smart, perceptive like a psychic, very logical and somehow like an adult. She was like super human child earlier.

Omg ty so much. I really needed this for information

I'm Neurodivergent. I love all the Wednesday characters/depictions. I'm not a doctor or psychologist or psychiatrist...but I think it's risky to ponder whether anyone, let alone a fictional character is Neurodivergent/has ASD/Is Autistic/on the spectrum...especially if it's not been asked or outright stated by the person (in real life)/or the creators (in fiction). I think automatically attaching a diagnosis to a person/character will make it so that people who aren't Neurodivergent but are maybe different in other ways feel disconnected from that character. Also I know and love plenty of people who are "normies" or not Neurodivergent that often feel flat or are flat or chilly in personality, that don't desire to engage in popular social construct. This isn't a disability or a defect. It's just them. We need to be able to recognize that not all people who have a different social orientation are on the spectrum. Not that anything is wrong with that. What I'm saying is that we need to stop addressing that difference as a socialization. Again, I am Neurodivergent and I do understand what it's like to be an outsider. I am more sensitive though I'd say (not all Neurodivergents are flat) but I understand what it's like to want to be different...and to feel and think of other things in a more "traditional" way. But I also understand that there are people out there that are simply different without a diagnosis.

I was diagnosed with autism last month and I can definitely recognise myself in parts of Wednesday's experience, but I'm also reminded of the vast differences in autistic experiences. I'm high masking and try to blend in, usually I succeed, but it also means that people are less sympathetic when I fail and it has been a literal nightmare to get help wich in turn has lead to depression, anxiety and obsessive compulsive thoughts and behaviours. I'm very empathetic and often take on other people's feelings like they were my own wich makes it super difficult to engage in the world around me. In many ways I'm the opposite of Wednesday, even if we both are autistic.

i related to wednesday except i smile haha. I like that when wednesday was talking to bianca that you mentioned that people should be happy that theyre showing interest instead of micromanaging how people show empathy and making people feel guilty for not doing it the way they want. I have never been good at comforting people, i dont do hugs or crying so my way of showing empathy is offering solutions to peoples problems rather than telling people i feel sorry for them. I have thought for a while that i may be possibly autistic so when people mentioned wednesdays autistic traits i was like no wonder i relate lol.

Thanks!

The hugging scene at the end of the episode always gets me emotional.

00:50 - 00:56 🖤 I got so emotional each time I saw the 2 Wednesdays interacting(have you notice they have the same height?^w^

I still have problems seeing Wednesday as a "neurodivergedent" individual. Yes, the main sign seems to be her lack of emotion and inability to maintain relationships but everyone seems to forget the way she was raised. This is a teen who was raised by parents in a household where isolation and lack of empathy was considered normal and even a certain degree of violence was considered a sign of love. Former Adams Family movies and series show her mother and father as individuals who use insults as complements. Wednesday does come across as somewhat of a sociopath because that's how her family acted and treated each other. She was isolated until she went to school and did not know any better than her family environment/household. It's not that her brain is different and hinting toward a disorder, it's that she was never able to develop a social skillset because her family was so isolated.

Thank you for your contribution to the awareness and appreciation of neurodiversity

Much respect, and thank you for your insight.

"doesn't understand other people's feelings and perspective" but is manipulating and using others the entire show... She's playing Enid's need for validation and companionship all along and is deliberately, knowingly lying to her to control her actions. This points to mind theory working perfectly fine but impaired empathy - and she tells exactly this throughout the whole show : "I don't care about people / people's feelings". Not true to autism. Like, at all. She's veeeeery cunning and instrumental. She's demeaning and insulting all the time. She litterally tries to kill a character in the first episode. She masters irony and metaphores - to perfection, may I say. She also masters the appearence game, even if it's to deliberately take the counterpart of it. Her affect doesn't look flat as much as perpetually pissed, keeping people at a distance. She's defiant, paranoid, projects the worst intentions into people. She can project others' intentions and feelings well enough to elaborate some refined plots - also pointing to mind theory working perfectly fine. Last but not least, she's cruel. She's very cruel to her little brother, to her classmates, to her parents - which seems pretty much unilateral - and even to the headmaster. Nothing of this is pointing towards autism and I find it very insulting to conflate those behaviours to it, or simply to brush them out. And I find it very alarming that such a problematic and dangerous character is romanticized to this point and taken as a role model by the watchers.

When the teacher said the thing about "being in both worlds", I feel like I personally relate to that due to having ADHD. Part of me doesn't fit in with more neurotypical people because they don't understand why I can present so normal and capable, but still somehow fall short of expectations, and the other part of me just fully doesn't belong with other neurodivergent people either because I feel like I am too normal or not as bad off as they might be so I don't feel like I deserve to receive the care I know that they need. It's as if I am an outsider to both worlds. Like someone who is a jack of all trades, but a master to none. Edit: I forgot to mention I haven't watched this series by the way so I have no other context than this video.

I had the same theory! Ty for making this

I mean, I haven't watched it yet, but my take is neurodivergent is anyone who thinks in different ways from others, so all of the Addams Family would be that. I find it fascinating how much these characters speak to us, that from a simple comic making jokes that straddle the line between quasi-anti-sometimes-pro-xenophobic commentary and misanthropic criticism of American mythology can be so adaptable across half a dozen generations.