New Dad Training Dojo 

Being able to assemble anything WITHOUT reading the instructions.

Diaper changes. Rubbing the pins through a bar of soap or your hair if you use vitalis. Oh I forgot, the diapers are now disposable with tape instead of pins.

Learning to deal with teenage daughters. Good luck.

"The Voice"

The "look" that makes the kids run crying to mom.

A black belt in "Dad-jistu" I see

🤣

🥁

Nice one 10/10

That’s actually pretty good though

Slow clap for you, bro!

well i'm impress as well... my wife, well she's with your wife on this one...

Your wife was wrong.

You're still alive?😂

Congressional medal of dadness for this guy 👏

😂😂😂

So, you're one of those right wing conspiracy theory nuts who think the shirt didn't dispose of itself? Won't you people ever learn to just trust the science?

I threw away a pair of ugly running shoes (?)/ boots (?) that seemed to have been designed for robot-hoboes from outer space, a decade ago. The most ugly thing ever. My husband was MAD. But I was willing to pay the price. Till this day I am satisfied. Don't leave your ugly stuff near us! Loll

Haaaaaaaaa

@@flonoiisana4647haaaaa me too! He almost killed me for throwing ugly stuff, after 10 years he stills brings it up

OK this comment section is definitely not for the mommy in me. I'm having headaches reading those ''jokes''. I'm out boys. Lol

I need to remember that one.

And butter flies even better.

Aww that was my late brother-in-law's favorite saying. RIP

Sounds like a French porn parody? Lancelot: "Merci."

He was friends with the knight that only ate steak. Sir Loin.

Did you know that there was one knight who was renowned for his love of spicy food? It's true: Sir Acha.

And how did Sir Cumference get fat? From eating too much pi! My dad would tell a "joke of the day" every night at the dinner table. This was one of our favorites!

Brilliant end to it!

Facts

Yup. Then, one day, one adds socks and life is perfect.

🤣🤣

I'll probably never have kids but i'm ready!

Socks with sandals is definitely a New Zealand thing.

I have a couple of shirts like these. My wife hates them 😊

I have a mountain of clothes like that. My favorite stuff to wear. It's not the destination but the journey

I have a Led Zep shirt that is asking me to retire it. Me: No way José

Literally me.😂

I finally parted with my favorite ball cap 🧢. It's had plenty of holes that my hair stuck through for years, but the plastic brim finally just fell out of the front, it had gotten that bad. Rest in peace, Cappy. You served me well. 😢

I've got my phone calendar loaded with what day this is... like National Flapjack Day, National Hot Fudge Sundae Day (surprising how many deal with food). Ask your search engine "What day is today?"

I miss my Dad, too.

And I bet he was a great father.

He was a legend

one day you wake up and realize you have become Dad. One day you realize that you need a shed to put all the lawn tools into..then you find yourself admiring that pair of cargo shorts for their utility- color is not important. you discover that, yes..New Balance makes fine footwear...just like that the torch is passed from generation to generation.

That is on the job training

Trick question. No proper dad actually tells his kid how to hold the flashlight properly, only that the kid is perpetually doing it wrong.

That would be awesome! Also, training for kids.

Yes!!!

Ha ha haaa! "Here I am! Rock you like a hurricane!"

...yes.

Congratulations!

That is wonderful,… congratulations and best wishes ! My daughters birthday is “July of 10th” … (I suppose that’s her variation of “the 4th of July” 😁) here’s to July babies !!! 🙌🏻😎🥳 🙏🏻✝️🙏🏻

Same here, though mine is June 26th. Here's to being a new dad, I am excited to see Him! He is very wiggly and also likes to snuggle up to me when I put my face up to my wife's belly! Cheers, and good luck! I am praying for you guys, especially since I know from personal experience being the oldest of 8 that moms and dads need all the help they can get! I am certain that the only reason why me and my siblings are still alive is because of the grace of God, and a whole host of angels looking out for us! Sincerely, Your Brother in Christ, JS

One trip to HD?

Sandals at Home Depot? Brave.

"Thot"?? Dear Lord...

A shirt like that is literally priceless. You can't buy a shirt like that, they are the most comfortable imaginable, and they have many many sentimental attachments to them. I prefer to think of it as a valuable object you have spent a couple decades cultivating into it's present patina. I would actually be angry if the wife threw my shirt away. Like seriously angry. That's a disrespectful and nasty thing to do, you don't throw away someone's treasured possessions that they have indicated that value deeply, just because you don't like it, or worse think it makes _you_ look bad by extension. Like I would strongly reconsider if I actually wanted to be with a woman who would do something like that. I would never throw something of hers away, that's not how mutual respect works. I don't have a wife anyway but I would think of divorce if she did that. I also have a pair of pajama bottoms,I think they were already pretty old when I got them, but they are so old and threadbare that they are extremely soft and light, and cool in the summer, while also letting the chilly air off your legs. I value them very much.

I still have OD green t-shirts from when I was an active duty Marine.... I got out in '93. We'll, 70-80% of them anyway, they're pretty worn.

😂😂

Wow, the purest of pure of dads' jokes

Misappropriation!

😂🤔

The implication that she wanted to celebrate it at some point says a lot 😂

💯

"Those that can't teach... teach phys.ed.😄😅

Actually he does.

Coaches don't play.

those who can't teach become administrators and screw it up for everybody else

Yes, they sure are!

I remember back when they were just "jokes" (or puns). Never heard of a "dad joke" until like ten years ago.

Found the dad 😂

I'm addicted to the Dock Tok channel.

Go for the Spyderco. Get the Tenacious, I don't care if it's the cheapest, it's best anyway. And then you can learn to do the spydie-flick and flip it out into your open palm life spiderman. It's one of the must satisfying things I have learned in the last decade. The old thumb and wrist snap is just not cutting it any more, especially with all the spring assisted knives out there now.

😂

😂😅

Very bad advice 😅😭

Special relativity too! if you get drunk enough, mom s anger with dilate in time and will shrink before your awareness grows. E=m(ickey) + a square glass.

😂😂😂

💯

Right on.

Yep.

👍

Car 'n' Driver? ;)

:) It comes with age for every man I guess. lol

How is baby nobody?

@@Kelgoran No, you didn't go there. You didn't. lol

​@@Kelgoran, lol 😂

@@Kelgoran all grown up now 😜

Were you watching with your your wife & their Mother? Seriously, it’s the Bee. Who takes them seriously? 😂

I feel understood.

Love Tyler Zed

I thought they left them out at first. I should have known they didn't.

I'm so tired of Zed's jokes and his incessant book plugging. Golf jokes, airforce jokes, gas price jokes, sports jokes. Rinse, repeat.

If you look hard, you’ll notice he’s also training without the actual baby. 🤯

What's "hearing?"

That's in the _Advanced course_ .

4:52 ?

That's probably being saved for new husband training 😁

They caught it at the end.

Great detail! I didnt even think of it HAHAHA

​@@FinnishTomatoTheFatherEffect documentary tells about this!

Don’t forget….. rub some dirt on it and get back out there.

Dad: "Is the bone sticking out?" Kid: "No" Dad: "Can you still move the hurt appendage" Kid: "Yes" Dad: "Then you're good" 👍

Don't worry. That will fade in time for you to become one. [/Dad]

You would get a totally different answer if you were shopping for milk in Canada