New Year, New Girl Defined Video? 

It always annoyed me that the "it's okay to not be initially attracted to your partner" "looks aren't everything" "don't be shallow" and "give the guy a chance" was always pushed towards women. Like I rarely if ever hear this narrative told to guys. And I'm not saying that physical appearance is the end all be all, I'm just saying in western society, women are told too often to lower their expectations and ignore their desires, while also being told that they are valued for their appearance and should meet conventional standards.

He’s a 2 but he’s religious Girl defined: “10 easy 10”

They thought about what video to make and one of them was like „You know how our husbands are kind of ugly“ and they just rolled with it

Can you imagine not only not being attracted to your partner AS YOU WALK DOWN THE AISLE but also TELLING THAT to your audience of thousands??? You couldn’t waterboard that information out of me holy shit

Everything they listed as attractive qualities in a man were related to their role and standing in their religion, "oh wow I really like the way you lead", "I loved that bible study you did", "You have a good reputation." Nothing at all about the way the guy treats you, if you click with him, if you like spending time together. Seems pretty concerning.

"You can like a person and give them a chance without being attracted to them!!" Yeah, thats just what friendship is. You have made a friend. Can you not be friends with men? Idk whats going on here

Lmao their entire video is basically just them trying to justify and rationalize not being attracted to their husbands. Because they aren’t personally attracted to their spouses, they’re desperately trying to sell this idea that it’s normal to feel like that in a committed relationship. They’re pretending as if their personal experiences are universal to avoid acknowledging a flaw in their belief system. Despite their carefree demeanor, their beliefs are concerning. It’s not normal to whisperer that you find your soon-to-be husband unattractive on the day of your wedding. Lmao

makes sense now why they didnt kiss before marriage

So that’s why they didn’t kiss their husbands until they got married. They aren’t attracted to their husbands and their husbands aren’t attracted to them.

The way she talks about her husband sounds like how I thought about my ex. Turns out I'm just not into guys

It sorta feels like they're saying "just say yes to every guy" 😬

as someone who’s gone to christian school their whole life and has been a victim of the “you don’t have to be attracted to your partner” mentality the church places on women, i can say with 100% certainty that the church cares more about men being satisfied in relationships than women

i feel like, if you're not attracted to a person in any way(be that s exually, romantically, whatever), but still enjoy to be around them... that's just a friend.. no? also happy new year saji💪💪

look, I'm all for not judging a book by its cover, but I have a suspicion that "you don't need to be attracted to your partner" is one step away from "which is why for god people can and should just choose to be straight :)" for these knuckleheads happy new year too :D

this is such an odd mindset to have. like they say this and then either deny the existence of or deny the validity of asexual/aromantic people? i think that maybe they need to reevaluate their own identities ngl

6:35 my first thought wasn't "her poor husband" (although I can see why) but rather "wow this poor woman is so indoctrinated that she really have sex with and is literally married to someone she doesn't really want to"

i was raised in this kind of conservative christian culture and this narrative is very guilt-trippy towards women. saying you should date someone even though you’re not attracted to them and don’t think you will be just because he likes you is putting the woman’s desires for a relationship/partner as having less value than the man’s. i was told that you should always say yes to every guy that asks you out even if you didn’t want to in order to “give them a chance.”

Don’t think I’ve ever said it, but I love the black nails you rock. 🤘

Imagine learning your partner had to pray to know whether your ugly self is worth it.....I'D SIMPLY WOULD DIE.

this was a banger. one of my best friends and I talked about this exactly, yesterday. personally idk, I would rather die alone than just tolerate someone I’m not passionate about for a lifetime, feels like I cheated them out of true love, just sad...and wrong. & on the other hand, beauty means nothing without substance; but what do I know. Anyway, I’m a big romantic but not a fan of how confusing love feels/can be.

In all seriousness, what they described sounds exactly like comphet. From experience as a lesbian myself, their mindset sounds similar to how I used to think of romantic relations with men. Comphet makes you view it as more of an expectation and something you have to do, rather than what you actually want. I think the reason they felt so open talking about it is because they most likely don't realize this is not normally how straight women feel about having relations with a man. I hope they're able to truly find themselves if this is the case💓

why do they make life all about suffering and tolerating what they don't really want? you only have one life just do what you want peaceful style

there’s a huge difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone

don't worry their husbands aren't attracted to them either

I think that physical and sexual attraction is an important part of COMPATIBILITY. We don't have to call people ugly and shit on them to acknowledge that compatibility exists. If you have great emotional and intellectual compatibility but not the sexual, just stay friends. I would like to date someone that I have both with. When people limit themselves like this, they end up settling. I don't care about what other people are doing in their personal relationships, but I'm also not gonna listen to straight-up stupid advice and be in a passionless relationship.

The ceo of my company is like an overweight guy, not attractive, with a lazy eye and his wife looks like a model. They are both really religious. I think that there's a predatory aspect within Christianity where they make women ashamed of their sexual feelings so they ignore and repress them and they just marry men who have high positions in the church and they never even get to experience having a sexual relationship with someone they're genuinely attracted to, so they don't know what they're missing. Now I have dated several men I wasnt immediately physically attracted to BUT they were conventionally attractive and so even though they weren't my type physically it was easy for me to become attracted to them after getting to know them because they are actually attractive. Don't force yourself and be miserable. I had a few male friends that I was physically repulsed by, if I would have forced myself to be in relationships with them I would have grown to resent them and would have grown depressed and eventually maybe cheat, so definitely don't do that.

It feels like they just got roommates with the added benefits of no longer being harassed for “when are you going to get married” or “when are you going to finally have kids”. I get being practical and marrying someone who is capable, responsible, and dependable. Love it. I just don’t appreciate the idea that in order to get that, you have to be willing to sacrifice love, and attraction. Instead of sounding like they “secured” their futures with a competent husband. It seems like they were too afraid to take a chance and decided to settle so they wouldn’t get hurt. I just hope that since there does seem to be kids involved that they don’t allow their personal feelings to bleed over into those relationships. Kids notice things and they shouldn’t have to accept this idea that “mommy and daddy don’t love each other,” bc then you’re going to have these kids grow up, making the same decisions, being unhappy and unfulfilled. Life doesn’t have to be that way. It’s not to say that life doesn’t come with hardships and suffering, but to purposely put yourself in a position to cause unnecessary suffering is just foolish.

Having been raised in this kind of environment, I kinda know where their heads are at with this thinking. When you're this deep in faith, finding young good looking like-minded men is difficult. Especially more now that religion seems to be on the decline among the newer generations for obvious reasons. Cults just aren't groovy, man. It pretty much is slim pickins, so it comes down to the choice of "do I honor my status quo and family approval by giving this ugly but righteous reputable man a chance," or "do I die alone?" There's this weird idea that you have to rush marriage and breeding in order to appease your faith so of course you're going to decide to just stick with the first dude most willing to give you that. Being unmarried after the age of 24 is pretty much Hell all on it's own for these women.

reminder: you don't need to be physically/sexually attracted to anyone at first.... or even romantically because you could be on the asexual or aromantic spectrum

I'm a former fundagelical and I remember that this thinking was constantly pushed onto women, especially older female singles (older meaning over 25 in this context). I myself briefly dated a couple of men I had less than zero attraction towards. (But I couldn't bring myself to continue.) You're shamed and guilted for even considering physical attraction. Meanwhile, it's constantly drummed into you that "youth and beauty is important to men" and "that's how God made men". Women, especially those over 25, are pushed into accepting any man who will have them, as long as that man meets certain religious criteria and has a job. Attraction, personality, things in common, how he treats you - that's mostly irrelevant. In these circles, lots of women end up married to men they're not attracted to and, often, whose company they don't even like.

I am all for getting to know someone who u don’t find attractive at first, I’ve had some great relationships that started in this way n I did develop attraction to them so yes it’s possible. However, getting married is not getting to know each other!!! How do u get married to someone u r not attracted to? U should know them enough by then to have given time for that attraction to grow by the time you’re about to get married, if it’s not there DONT FKN MARRY THEM.

They are quite literally just describing the mere exposure effect😭💀 if you’re around anything long enough, you learn to tolerate it. However, it is so out of touch to think that that means love, attraction, or liking. It’s toleration. They tolerate their husbands bruh

I feel that.. I was not attracted to my last boyfriend physically and he knew that. Not because he was ugly. No one is. He just wasn’t my type. you can’t force attraction to someone. Everything else clicked so I just went for it. He was and still is my best friend. But me not being attracted to him for one year really broke us up. He got insecure and became unsure about his body. Everyone kept telling him he was punching up because I am conventionally more attractive. He ended up cheating because I just couldn’t give him that desire and attraction. Yes over time you become more attracted to someone you love. But not enough unfortunately..

What I think they do wrong is building relationships with one objective in mind - getting married. If you look at men in this way you'll only see the superficial things like their looks or how "godly" they are. If you want to form a relationship with someone because you want to connect with them it's easier to find a potential husband who is not just a cardboard cutout

why are they making it a quirky trait to not be attracted to their partner?😭

That's why they didn't kiss or hold hands before marriage. It must've been easy

Why would someone keep dating another person that they are not physical attracted to unless they're an asexual?? 🤨

as a christian too IT really makes me cringe when i hear other believers say this . literally no where in the bible does it say … ur husband has to be ugly…., there’s literally a whole book “song of songs” about lovers being incredibly sexually attracted to one another lmaooo pls. purity culture be having da girls “including me in the past” mentally in bondage. pls your man should be hot to you. edit: just because he’s a GOOD guy doesn’t mean he’s your person like..

a question: when they talk about (not) being attracted to someone, do they just mean sexually or more like overall vibes/romantic or sensual attraction. As an ace person this shit is kinda weird to understand because for me i am attracted to people (not all of course) but just not in a sexual way but they are still attractive to me. But what kind of attraction do they mean?

I kinda get what they're saying as far as not finding them attractive at first but getting to know them, starting to date, etc. But the fact that she STILL didn't find him attractive AT HER WEDDING is so messed up 💀

Personally, I wouldn't date someone I didn't find attractive. And I agree that if you fall in love with someone you find them attractive in more ways.

honestl Saji, the advice you gave about not forcing yourself to like someone is a very important piece of advice

we need a pt. two of this pls

there’s so much comphet in this video lol

I feel like the more you get to know someone, the more (or less) beautiful they become to you bc you start associating who they are and how you feel ab them w what they look like until it all kinda blends together. Someone who you weren’t initially attracted to off first glance can become someone who you are later attracted to when you unconsciously shift the way you think ab that person and what attraction is. Before you got to know them, you just thought ab what they look like, and after you think ab how you feel ab them and who they are to you.

God must have favorites bc I prayed a lot to be attracted to men when I was younger and it never happened

I feel for their husbands, they have got to either be watching these videos, or know what the topic is, they can't be ok with this. I also heard that one of the girls' husbands went to conversion camp before, which is a whole new level of fucked, and if that's true, he could have made a video with this same topic lowkey. poor guys, these girls are delusional, those are my final thoughts

the editing👏🏼

king your hair looks BEAUTIFUL

Your jewelry is always on point

you are literally so funny why are you so underrated 😭😭❣️❣️

Best of luck to you for 2022 man

How do they get answers from God? Do they have a hotline or something?

this year is the one for your channel, for sure, high level content always !!!

Bro you found some GOLD here, I haven’t seen a reaction this good in a while. I forgot about these girls. I’m so glad you reminded me of their ridiculous existence.

Why can they only interact with a guy if it's in the context of having a relationship? If they're not attracted to a guy you can just,,, be friends,,,

Just found your videos recently and love your content. Keep it up!

Happy new year! I hope your channel keeps growing :)

zach is punching the air, sliding down the wall, crying

I have to say right in the beginning that I definitely know if I'm attracted to a guy pretty early on. Or at least I can tell early on if there's potential. A guy doesn't grow on me in the sense of me suddenly wanting to get physical with him even though I wasn't attracted to him at all in the beginning. Either I think "Oh he's kinda cute" right away or I'm just not physically attracted to him and it's highly unlikely to change. A guy can be as sweet, charming, smart and funny as he can get, but if I'm not physically attracted, I'm just not attracted, I'm sorry. That doesn't mean that the guy isn't good looking, he can even be a conventionally attractive guy, but for whatever reason I'm just not feeling it. Then again, there will be another girl out there who will think the same guy who I don't like is the hottest man in the world lol. And that's the beauty of attraction, because everyone has a different taste. I don't like how they're trying to push this narrative of "Oh you don't have to be attracted to him, looks don't matter". Like no, physical attraction is important, just as much as intellectual and romantic attraction. You need all three of them for a relationship to work. Why would I be with a guy who I don't even want to kiss? Of course I also don't want someone who's just pretty but doesn't have an opinion on anything or has completely different values than me, but you do need to be attracted to your partner. Otherwise you will be miserable.

100k in 11 months, good job saji.

A couple of years ago I had a friend like me. He seemed like an ideal partner but I just didn’t felt attraction to him, like an actual desire, I tried to fabricate it but it was just imposible. People kept telling me that was a flaw with me but I guess some believe this shpeel that you could like someone with time which actually just means you can get to know someone and like them, not that you can take someone you already know and don’t like and work to like them. Idk who were the idiots who instill this mentality on people because it just ends up hurting everyone involved in the end. And don’t get me started on the discourse of being shallow if you don’t find someone attractive, sorry but attraction is something deep ingrained in each one of us and we can’t change it, if we could conversion therapy would be successful.

nice vid!! wish you the best for 2022

Oh. I literally just realized that I'm on the ace spectrum. I was just thinking "But I don't find anyone attractive but I don't feel like that would mean that I can't date people and have a happy relationship ". And I've been thinking that I might be but turns out people just are attracted to people at first sight. And after meeting them. And while dating them. Huh

ace representashun slaaay

Watching this on new years :D

This reminds me of that time a girl in my class told everybody that she initially thought her boyfriend was ugly as fuck and I just thought wtf I’d be so upset if my partner would say that

Why am I now seeing this on New Years 2023 Also 3k subs last year and now you have 108k subs that amazing

My Guy… this is my first vid I’m seeing from you on this fine day n honestly I’m a fan. I love how you don’t just jump the band wagon n start roasting them without even hearing them out like you give them a chance n then roast accordingly n that’s wassup 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

I just found you and really like your video style. You are very funny and deserve all the subscribers, I'd love to see your channel grow! Just one thing, in my opinion the background music could be a little louder for a good ambience :) but maybe that's just me, idk

I can't ever say I'm grateful for Girl Defined, but this is the video that introduced me to this channel, so I guess I have to be grateful. Darn.

It’s like their future husbands are job applicants and if they tick all the right boxes then they’ll just try to force or fake the chemistry later on like it’s not even important. Yikes 😬

i love seeing videos where the guy is like thank you for 3k and theyre now at 25k 🥺 you got it bro

I swear i was listening to what you were saying but may i say oh wow you are so beautiful

Happy 2022

Love ur videos ur so underated

another great and funny video ! 🌻

I really appreciate your comments and analysis of their view points. While attraction isn't the most important thing, it definitely factors in. Love is romance meets passion meets compatibility. They're saying attraction grows & to be patient, but in the same breath saying it hasn't worked for them yet even though they're married to said 'unattractive' person. They're behaving like the unattractive man in front of them is the only candidate. I'm inclined to think they're ticking a box when it comes to marriage and finding a spouse due to internal/societal pressures. They don't talk about emotional/intellectual compatibility (which increases attraction to someone) because they don't value it. A mutual faith in God is important to them, so that does count for something. But it still sounds as if being married to someone you know you'll never truly love or be attracted to is better than being single.

the way they relate everything to “the lord” makes me gag

I'm not dating someone I'm not attracted to INITIALLY. You're gonna be seen as more of a friend than anything.

bruh they just married their friends lmaoooo

What's so puzzling is how the thought never occurs to them that maybe not having attraction could also be a "message from God". Maybe that person is destined to be happy with somebody else and you're inserting yourself where you don't belong. There's plenty of super Christian men out there that would have all the same qualities plus the attraction. Sounds like an insecure scarcity mindset they only have because they've sheltered themselves from the outside world.

Hope he does one this year 😁

Wish u the best for 2022

like okay here's the thing. if today one of my friends came up to me and told me that a guy's been pursuing her and she's not really attracted to him, but she wants to give him a chance bc he treats her well and she doesn't have any negative feelings towards him, i would say, "don't force yourself to go if you know that you would rather be attracted to someone you're potentially going on a date with, but also it's okay to not be attracted to them first bc feelings can grow." that's completely different from, "you don't have to be attracted to someone to marry them which is supposed to be a commitment for the rest of your life." if you date someone long enough for them to ask you to marry them, and you STILL don't feel attracted to them (which means you don't feel drawn to them IN ANY WAY).... that's a problem!!!!! if these girls are gonna say that marriage is supposed to be for love, how am i supposed to show that love if i'm not attracted to you or don't find you attractive in any way???????

glad i found this channel

Tbh ive been dating this guy for about 3 months now and on the first date i didn’t rlly feel a spark or anything like i have with others. Others told me not to continue seeing him if i didn’t initially like him but something told me to stick with my gut. The more time i spent with him the more i really began to like and become attracted to him. Couldn’t ask for anyone better.

im convinced those two girls are secretly in love with eachother

I once fell in love with someone who I wasn’t attracted to. We were friends first and I just liked the way he was. But I was very young then. My partner now is unbelievable lovely and attractive and I feel that with every day he looks better and better to me because I love him so much ❤ What I want to say is that attraction matters and doesn’t. If you really love that person they will be incredibly attractive to you in every way. Sometimes they become attractive through falling in love and sometimes you realise that it just didn’t work 😊

He's a 0/10, but he's a godly man

Watching this video exactly a year after it was uploaded 🥳

Bro ur rlly underrated ngl

New year

I had family friends who were married for like 20 years, they raised three kids together, but they were always away on business trips and shit. So then during lockdown, they moved in together and started noticing all of the little shit the other one would do that annoyed them because they basically skipped an entire step before they got married, they basically didn't even know each other. just an interesting situation, I think.

I know it was just a little thing, but thank you so much for saying you don't care if people are Christian or not. All too often we end up being generalized with the vocal minority, and it really hurts. It's always about the person, not the religion, and thank you for recognizing that.

Honestly it feels fucked up to me they're even talking about attraction and relationships when one of the girl defined girls has a husband that's apparently been to conversion therapy twice 🤪 EDIT: I have been informed this is not a fact, just speculation. I apologize for not looking into it more! I do not agree with speculating about people's sexualities. I recommend checking the replies - there's some good discussion.

Personally though certain personality traits make people attractive… but if you aren’t attracted to them physically I think there is a barrier there.

Not me seeing this on December 30th 2022

No wonder how they waited till marriage to have their first kiss, they think their husbands are ugly

Thanks for the video! All hail the Algorithm