Out-of-Control Childhood Can Lead to Controlling Behaviors Now

Подписаться 846 тыс.

Просмотров 22 тыс.

50% 1

🟢 Order My New Book, RE-REGULATED: bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Come See Me In Person! Workshops in US, UK: bit.ly/49rzM0Z
Do You Have CPTSD? Take the QUIZ: bit.ly/3GhE65z
FREE COURSE: *The Daily Practice*: bit.ly/3X1BrE0
Website: bit.ly/3CxgkRY
***
Nobody likes people who are controlling. Sometimes we all have to put up with controlling people because we have no one else to support us, or we need money, or, most often, because trauma trained us to tolerate control. But when you grew up with trauma, there can also be a tendency to BE controlling - maybe because you grew feeling things were so out of control it’s now like a reflex to hold people down, to make them predictable and “safe.” That’s not good either. In this video I teach about CPTSD and controlling behaviors that can hurt relationships.
Do You Struggle to Connect with People?: FREE PDF Download: bit.ly/3LcjDD8
***
🟢 Letters: Want to submit a question for me to answer in a video?
Keep it short, not too explicit, relevant for this audience.
bit.ly/3VVxqjm
🟢 Become a Member!
Access ALL my courses, webinars, group coaching & online community
bit.ly/3Zfx9dN
🟢 Take My Online course: Healing Childhood PTSD
bit.ly/3k6gQQH
🟢 How I Recently Lost 27 Pounds: ble.life/V9fe9O
🟢 Change Trauma-Driven Dating Patterns
Online course: Dating & Relationships for People with CPTSD
bit.ly/3IBbrv7
🟢 Learn to Heal Dysregulation
Online course: Dysregulation Bootcamp
bit.ly/3ZpjGAh
🟢 Heal Isolation and Build Better Relationships
Online course: Connection Bootcamp
bit.ly/3iuUEPz
🟢 Coaching Programs & LIVE Calls with Anna
🔹 NEW Coaching Program for DATING: Apply Now: bit.ly/3Qjdozs
🔹 8-Week Coaching Intensive for Healing CPTSD Symptoms: bit.ly/3wjVVjg
🔹 Join LIVE Webinars with My Team and Me: bit.ly/3ifhJ8U
🟢 PARTNERS/RECOMMENDED PRODUCTS
(I receive commissions on referrals & recommend services I know and trust)
🔹 Is Carb Sensitivity Sabotaging Your Energy and Weight? Take the Quiz:
ble.life/V9fe9O
🔹 NEED ONLINE THERAPY? BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist:
betterhelp.com/CCF
🔹 Try MUSE Headband to Calm Your Mind: choosemuse.com/ccf

Опубликовано:

24 июл 2024

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 103

@ericka606 4 месяца назад

So looking forward to this video. I am currently in between jobs, so for now, ANNA, thank you so very very much for the free content!!! I appreciate you and your work. Looking forward to becoming a member sooner rather than later, little bummed I missed the DP call this morning but I’ll make the next one. ❤ to you, your loved ones and your team.

@starseed168 4 месяца назад

Once again, I so wish I had a time machine and could hear this as a 23 year-old.

@Eliz2011abc 4 месяца назад

Me too. One of my mantras is "be of service to myself. Me first" 😊

@nmn5550 4 месяца назад

I used to think like that too. If I could get the wisdom when I was 18, or 25, then my life would have been different. Try to think of it this way - I feel like once I realised at 35 these destructive patterns and started to change my life it was like getting out of prison after being falsely sentenced. Sure I could've gotten out earlier, but alas it was not meant to be that way. Let's rejoice now that we're healing.

@oglingling 4 месяца назад

😢

@Girlneverquits 4 месяца назад

omg! I agree 110%!!!!

@MarianaSantos1974 4 месяца назад

The point is, at 23, would you listen? 😅

@aprilswill9204 4 месяца назад

I asked my X to stop procrastinating on making plans like our camping trip because not making me a priority while I prioritized him. He said I was too demanding and went out of town or supposedly camping without me. I was really hurt and broke it off because asking a partner to show up for me equally is not controlling it’s fair. I’d given him way too much understanding for his lackluster approach to our relationship while I was putting in most the effort. I was so confused that he thought I was controlling. Be careful with allowing people to show up as whatever if you have a tendency to be over giving in your relationships. These type of people enjoy your generosity and kindness while they do very little and accuse you of being controlling when you get frustrated. I learned I was over-giving and I ended up healing my co-dependent brain and stop giving so much to earn love then things just balanced out.

@Maria-yi7sr 4 месяца назад

Good job ending it! Like Anna said, mutual respect is needed to build trust and ending a relationship bc that's lacking is awesome.

@TSixSix 4 месяца назад

Sometimes we don’t know we’re doing it by overprotecting the people we love. I’m learning this in EDMR therapy.

@Igloo5555 4 месяца назад

Electronic Dance Music & Reprogramming therapy?

@daisyviluck7932 4 месяца назад

We have a friend in our group who Controls With Plans. The rest of us finally started making plans among ourselves then extending the invitation to her LOL 😂

@simonbanfield2657 4 месяца назад

It’s this kind of perspective which is so often neglected, where in fact some of the most critical keys to our healing lie…We have to take responsibility for our part. Thank you Fairy!

@justmyopinion2205 9 дней назад

Pressuring anyone for any reason will only ever result in the person distancing from you because you aren’t showing them any respect, consideration for them or what they are saying. They will no longer trust you and won’t turn to you when they realize they really need help because you only care about what you think they need and you can’t hear them.

@mosbornio8249 3 месяца назад

“Trying to make them in the image of me”. Wow! Powerful awareness moment. Thank you Anna for sharing your helpful, and hard earned, wisdom.

@cheryldailing1294 4 месяца назад

Wow. This really opened my eyes. 😢 I'm being controlling with my boyfriend when I get on his case for not texting me soon enough when he gets up, or in general. I really need to let him love me HIS way. Thank you ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

Thank you for your comment. Glad the video was helpful! Nika@TeamFairy

@justmyopinion2205 8 дней назад

@@cheryldailing1294 I love when someone has such powerful epiphanies that are so incredibly clear down into our souls that we are able to accept our truths and are able to immediately alter our behavior and become a better person. I so greatly admire and respect those who receive these epiphanies and know they tell us our truth and are empowered by them to evolve. My whole body was covered by goosebumps when I read your comment. 🩷

@dameanvil 4 месяца назад

- [00:00] 🎭 Controlling behavior, whether overt or subtle, can be oppressive and damaging to relationships, hindering feelings of love and safety. - [05:14] 🛑 Setting boundaries without imposing excessive rules or expectations is essential for healthy relationships. - [08:35] 🕰 Avoiding making timely decisions that affect others can be a form of subtle control, impacting their plans and schedules. - [12:55] 💔 Controlling behavior often stems from unresolved trauma or unrealistic expectations, leading to disappointment and relationship breakdowns. - [15:41] 🤐 Using silence as a form of control, such as giving the silent treatment, is hurtful and counterproductive to resolving conflicts. - [18:05] 📚 Attempting to change people or force them to seek help against their will often backfires, leading to resentment and pushback. - [19:47] 🤝 Accepting people as they are and allowing them to be themselves fosters healthier, more fulfilling relationships. - [19:59] 💡 Personal growth and spiritual practices can help release the need for control, leading to greater trust and satisfaction in relationships.

@SusanaXpeace2u 4 месяца назад

My mother gives me the cold shoulder THE MOMENT i don't reflect back her view of herself. But she denies it. She sees that i am "hurtful" if i dont buy in to her view of herself as perfect. So i have to be the villain. She has to be the victim. She has done this "concern shaming" a lot. And "think of Dad", "think of your children". How is it that for me to show i care is to reflect back their interpretation of events. I can never stand certain in my own understanding of events without "hurting" mum. 😢 So tired of being the villain.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

That sounds hard. If your're interested, try Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

@stillToxed2loss 4 месяца назад

I had to force myself to listen to this. Its an issue for me. Yes, CPTSD. Yes, I have/had a lot of those behaviors, as do many of the people in my family. While I’ve been working on the parts you mentioned, I have other issues. I got pesticide poisoned in 1996. My immune system can not breakdown toxic substances. These include trace amounts of fragrances worn by other people and VOCs from their food and drink. Think of it like severe peanut allergy… So anyone coming to my home or expecting to travel in my car needed to not use those things or they woukd cause life threatening reactions. I got accused of being controlling for that. Truth to tell, I did try to control situations, and my environment, before the poisoning because it was a way to maintain safety. My childhood was extremely unsafe. It was my failure to hold my boundaries (controlmy environment) that resulted in my being poisoned. In order to survive I have to control my environment. It dies push people away. Most people are unwilling to give up their toxic personal care products and choices. It got so bad that I was sent home to die in 2004, given 2 months to 2 years to live. I was told no one survives past 2 years with this condition. Its because they can’t avoid the toxins. I live in isolation. Only a very small group of oeople accommodate my disability. They come visit occasionally. All those who said I was controlling, were themselves being controlling. They wanted to do whatever they wished in my environment and flout my needs. Being called the thing that other people are foingnto get their way is a sore spot for me . Glad I made myself listen. I’v ebeen working on many of those things: unsolicited advice, respecting people enough to let them make mistakes.

@DWSP101 4 месяца назад

It’s difficult understanding all this stuff, but I’m learning I guess it’s all I can do. I’m trying not to be sensitive, but being perceived and misjudged and being responsible for others feelings pretty hard road to drive on.

@amberinthemist7912 4 месяца назад

I don't understand that part. If people tell you you are too sensitive leave the relationship. Don't try to toughen up so you can take more abuse.

@CupcakeMami 4 месяца назад

I was to meet a guy for the first date and I went to his town and he was 20mins late. I left and told him I can’t see him or date him 😂😂😂😂. I have never seen him again

@Lia-pn7je 4 месяца назад

I am tired of trying and getting hurt all over again

@Auntijengen 4 месяца назад

"Graceful & kind boundaries."

@aprilswill9204 4 месяца назад

What’s the difference between having a boundary and asking someone to stop doing something that makes me uncomfortable? This always confuses me because it seems like I’m being controlling if I’m saying stop that because it makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason. Does it matter if it’s a trigger versus something that’s happening in that moment?

@gracegrace1896 4 месяца назад

I have a problem in that in 37 years of marriage I’ve had no voice. I often times am just talking about something I’ve learned or I am happy about or upset about or just an opinion. Just conversation; but most the time my husband interrupts me as soon as he hears something he doesn’t agree with. This just happened, so it’s fresh in my mind. I had only said a couple sentences- he really had not heard the whole of what I was talking about- he interrupted me and told me why what I said it wrong and told me the right way. So- most my marriage I feel he is always right about everything and I’m just dumb. Even though I don’t believe it most the time lately. But this has pushed me away from him. I like him but the love and enjoyment and companionship is missing. I cannot be me. I cannot have an adult conversation with him. Now he may have a different opinion. It’s hard to have romantic feelings for a man who treats you as if you are his child and he feels the need to correct everything about me. It’s a big hit on any confidence I’ve ever had as well.

@cindyglass5827 4 месяца назад

My only 'regret' is that I can ''only'' click the THUMBS-UP Button, once : ( N.B. No 'control' issue here ; ) just wanted to leave a cute / sweet / light but also oh so ''Sincere Compliment'' 4U !!! Hope you Have a Great Week !! Again, Thank-You so much for all that you share : )

@amberinthemist7912 4 месяца назад

Trying to control me and my children is why I'm in the process of stepping away from relationships with my parents and my mother in law. They see it as caring or something but it's not. I am a whole human with my own life. I'm not responsible for allowing my parents to regulate their mental health issue by controlling my life. I wish they could understand that. If they could just stop being constant know it all, things could be different. They think they own me and have the right to control where I work and live as if I'm 7 not 47. It's also not my responsibility to tell them how to treat me or how to have basic manners towards me.

@korea.9480 13 дней назад

People can't control themselves, so they try to control others.

@sugarsnap1000 4 месяца назад

You’ve a great sense of humor, 😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

Oh thank you!

@sonkey7128 4 месяца назад

Your words never miss!

@gdeshae 4 месяца назад

I needed this, Anna! I notice that my brother & I both have a tendency to try to force things. We also are great at giving advice yet get prickly when receiving it. The sending videos to loved ones really got me because in those moments I truly believe I’m HELPING, but I definitely sense resistance on their part & it could push people away. Thank you for shining a light on yet another way our trauma could be disrupting our lives❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

@user-is8jw5lc6n 4 месяца назад

Anna is holy and divine to me. She speaks to my shadow❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

@farfaraway97 4 месяца назад

Anna your gremlin "no!" is the cutest, most life affirming thing I've seen I do wear all black and never dance😅 Love you so much❤

@tammieprintz3975 4 месяца назад

Thank you! Makes me think about my own personal experiences! It’s hard for me to make plans!

@smartypants6198 4 месяца назад

I am always surprised by how practical, simple and effective Ana's advice is. It is better than some therapy.

@ladygoldfinch8945 4 месяца назад

Anna, thank you for sharing your own personal experience of how you learned from your own journey with those relationships that did not serve you and how working on your own CPTSD and disregulation that has brought you to a good place in your current life so you can help others by being a massive positive example. It works if you work it no doubt about that! Create yourself a splendid Tuesday and thank you for your videos as I am sure they are helping so many to heal from their CPTSD and codependency/control issues.

@garfield1935 4 месяца назад

This is so helpful, more than just here's-the-problem, you explain why it's an issue, where it might come from, and what might be a good alternative / what it could look like as you recover. I absolutely can't wait for your book to come out!

@Girlneverquits 4 месяца назад

where/how do I write in with the chance that, Anna, you will read my letter and share your thoughts?? I moved away and decided to put some distance between myself and my family due to cult-like pressure and unhealthy dynamics. I’m 39, divorced, I have 2 kids that I love but live in a city 2 hours away, I have no idea who I am, I’ve been trying so hard to make strides in my life to get in my feet and re-invent myself and make healthy connections but I have so much trauma I’m dealing with and feel so alone. However, I can’t imagine not having these amazing videos that you have contributed. Everything you say is so spot on and relatable, more than any therapist I’ve ever listened to. I listen to you at night when I can’t sleep, and during the day when I need to hear a human talk about the things I’m experiencing so I don’t feel crazy. The work you have found yourself doing is incredible and I can’t even fathom the amount of help and comfort you’ve brought to others and I am so grateful for the comfort your thoughts and words have brought me.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

Glad you are here. Thank you for watching and sharing your comment. If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters Nika@TeamFairy

@nidradhikya 4 месяца назад

Loved this video, very helpful and the timing is perfect for me ❤

@donnac5827 4 месяца назад

I saw my own actions in a lot of what you shared. Im glad to be aware of them and thinking to let go of controlling behaviors. Thank you Anna.

@olgafrayman989 4 месяца назад

This is wonderful advice! I did send it to my daughter while watching it and then got to the part where you talk about refraining from sending people videos and advice in an unsolicited way... Oops :) But it's so good, I just had to share!

@danielaruhl1710 4 месяца назад

OMG Anna, this was the info I did not know I needed … thank you! ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

@emailleundschmuck-marianne2062 4 месяца назад

Thank you for the video, Anna! It was very helpful for me. It describes some personality traits my mom has. I always found her behavior controlling towards me. But I had difficulties to put her behavior in words.

@danijelaen 4 месяца назад

What I needed to hear

@texascacti 4 месяца назад

So much to think about! Thank you 😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

@SuzannaLiessa 4 месяца назад

Thank you for this. I needed to hear it. I try not to give advice. There’s no good way to know if I'm suggesting something a person can't do, or would hate doing, or that might actually make things worse. Heaven knows I don't like it when people do it to me.

@marieschmidt9416 4 месяца назад

Excellent video! Excellent! Excellent (yes, it deserves 3 "excellents")!

@colleendurning1215 4 месяца назад

Thanks for your videos

@hillbillyherb 4 месяца назад

Very enlightening. I see how I could easily slip into some of these controlling behaviors, thinking I'm trying to help. But knowing is half the battle. Thanks!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy

@The1972maxim 29 дней назад

Subtle way of controlling.....i was called a psycho when i reacted after i was told i had to agree to take over my dad's debts so that my parents would not lose the roof over their heads.....For almost 17 we were supporting our father to psy off his ever growing debts...and still there's always more and more....My sisters and i ended up with no savings ....autonomy and huge debt that's not ours because of our devouring and controlling father. It's sad cause i thought he wanted good life for US not just himself

@thiacari 26 дней назад

Crazy and awful! I can understand paying your own education or house debt, but payikg.off someone else's debt, that's always growing? It's like someone (your father) is using you as ATM work slaves! I could not imagine any person doing this to any person they care for!

@josephinestevens 4 месяца назад

You are God sent.Thank you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

You're welcome! Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

@mariajmc6557 4 месяца назад

thank you Anna 😍

@pianohacker1000 4 месяца назад

You and your truth bombs 🔥💥🙏🏽💗

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

Hopefully these "bombs" can stop the fight we face each day. Good luck on your healing journey! Nika@TeamFairy

@kristinb5121 4 месяца назад

It’s hard sometimes when I continually step up, to not to have some of these behaviors. Chicken and the egg. Would others step up more if I dialed it back? I haven’t found that to be the case. I’m getting better at setting boundaries so I don’t have expectations of them. It may not help them, but makes me happier.

@5150Targeted Месяц назад

Everything would be PERFECT IF you would all just do what I tell you when and how I tell you! Why is this so difficult for people to understand??? 😉

@lilabukvic4216 4 месяца назад

Yes😢

@BarbaraM-lv7pe 4 месяца назад

I concern shame my directly next door neighbor because our houses are connected and she’s got a hole in her eaves on her side wall closest to our walls. Her deck is rotting too, with furniture on it! Hoa 🙄 She stonewalls us all the time with I don’t have time to worry about it, I can’t afford it, my ex husband is doing X to me and the kids this week. The drama never ends and we’ve lived there for 6 1/2 years. We like where we live otherwise. Every time we do anything to improve our yard she has something nasty to say. I’ve offered to help with her garden, and after we stained our deck late last spring, I offered to help with her deck - and I would! so she could have a peaceful place to sit outside as a respite to the stuff going on in her life. But she doesn’t have any peace in her head and takes it out on everyone else… (therapy doesn’t seem to be helping her or her headstrong daughter). It’s a shame.

@MarianaSantos1974 4 месяца назад

I lost all my friends exactly because of that. Irreparable, I just had to heal and make new friends at late 40's.

@traceychapman4825 3 месяца назад

My husband and I both have cptsd and have different controlling behaviours but when you said your control comes out and an example is do I have to do everything? I’m constantly saying that to my hubby. I put it on him because I expect him to do everything I do with the kids. I’d never put it together that maybe it’s something to do with my past

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 3 месяца назад

It may not be from your past! It's possible you do have to do everything. We each have themes in our emotional flashbacks, and this is mine. When I'm in a flashback, my perception can be distorted and a situation that is a little unfair feels like a massive injustice, and I don't want to act out of that place. Hope that makes it a little clearer that reality and flashbacks can become a bit toxic.

@traceychapman4825 3 месяца назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy yes it does. I think sometimes I struggle to separate my feelings from reality. I have to remember everything- appointments, medications, schedules and then I think oh well maybe it’s me? I expect too much. I’m high maintenance. But I see what you mean about it being your flashback. I think my flashbacks are im crazy, im high maintenance

@user-is8jw5lc6n 4 месяца назад

Goddess!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

@KL-zg7lu 4 месяца назад

Like driving past your house at all hours. I ended it anyway.

@RoadRunnergarage8570 4 месяца назад

I am letting my model car hobby control me... So I have decided to no longer build model cars...😢 Sad ..

@user-is8jw5lc6n 4 месяца назад

I have DID and feel like I’m a complete loon😢

@taylersaffiyahwashington 4 месяца назад

23:00 😂😂😂😂😂lmmmaooo

@jrblack78 4 месяца назад

Is it controlling if you have to stay away from someone emotionally because they are very immature? You’ve asked them to stop doing certain things and they do apologize but they just don’t seem to really back up their apology, so in order to not get hurt anymore you distance yourself from them? Is that controlling or boundaries?

@BarbaraM-lv7pe 4 месяца назад

jrblack78, it’s a boundary, and they’re not “getting” the importance of your requests to get your needs met. They could possibly be unaware or disrespectful. I call it people being “careless” - living their lives without regard for others.

@platosbeard3476 4 месяца назад

12:54

@ezazkhan4233 4 месяца назад

hlw mam childhood neglect people please lack camnicution

@bluebonbon22 4 месяца назад

Is giving advice controlling when asked?

@buffandbrindle 4 месяца назад

I think if someone asks you for advice, it's not controlling. But they get to choose if they take your advice into consideration. But unsolicited advice can be controlling.

@amberinthemist7912 4 месяца назад

Are they asking? I think people misinterpret when people are asking for advice. And that can be controlling.

@bluebonbon22 4 месяца назад

@@amberinthemist7912 Examples from my own life follow. I owned a pet grooming business. Over the years many have asked how to start and run a pet grooming business. I have always been generous with my suggestions. But several people later came back and told me they failed. Somehow they made it seem as if their failure was somehow my fault. My hubby and I had a great marriage but it was a little different because we both had children and previous relationships. My hubby was a social butterfly and made friends easily. He also flirted like he breathed air and it meant nothing and I was never jealous. I think 3 or 4 women friends picked a man, got married and then came back to complain to me about why their marriage didn't work. I simply told them that the problem wasn't my fault as they didn't marry Odis nor did they ask me what we did to stay together. Jobs, careers, marriages, businesses are all things people have asked me about. They have to take responsibility for their own failures as they are NOT me. I can only give the outline, I'm not going to write and enforce their marriage vows or their business plan. I have been told I was controlling, but that is in my own life. I'm only making suggestions when someone complains or asks for my advice.

@Topspotstop 4 месяца назад

I’ll admit, I do bicker at my wife about her habit of eating Cheetos every day. I’m like, Girl… those things are gonna kill you. She always gets mad.

@stillToxed2loss 4 месяца назад

She gets mad because she’s addicted. They a full of addictive excitatory neurotoxins.

@Topspotstop 4 месяца назад

@@stillToxed2loss Truth. Thanks for putting that into better words than I could.

@platosbeard3476 4 месяца назад

I'd get mad as well if my partner kept treating me like a child.

@Topspotstop 4 месяца назад

@@platosbeard3476 I guess it’s better than meth 🤷🏻‍♂️

@lyndawilliamson3050 4 месяца назад

How does a person with Childhood PTSD deal with a spouse who also suffers with CPTSD? My husband of 12 years grew up with parents who were old. His mother had him when she was 44 years old. My husband never saw his parents be affectionate towards each other. They would always fight and argue in his presence. My husband does not know how to love a woman. He has been married four times. He expected his wives to accept how he was. And yet he did not accept how his wives were. He took us all for granted. He always takes but never gives back.

@IntraVortex 4 месяца назад

May I please send you an email? All cases are peculiar but I think you’ll find mine interesting if not informative. I’d prefer you not use it if at all possible because I intend to be truthful and what I will say won’t look good on me. If not, still love your presentations as always.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 4 месяца назад

Thank you for watching! If you'd like to share your story and ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters Nika@TeamFairy

@IntraVortex 4 месяца назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you! After reading what you’re looking for I won’t bother her with something else. Thank you though!!!