How Trauma-Driven Thinking Pushes You Into TRAPS 

I really enjoy the way you handle such topics by utilizing actual situations that someone is experiencing or has experiencing. It's always an eye-opener to see how similar are most of our experiences, making one feel LESS "alone". Thank you SO much for your content. You're 1 out of 10 channels that I go to in order to get clarity on certain subjects or at times to hear that I am not losing my mind. Thank you!

What I love about this channel is that you tell people the rough truth, but in a kind and compassionate way. When I hear your advice, I can actually process and take it in because you not only understand from experience, but you explain why we have these faulty beliefs. It truly feels like it comes from my wise auntie who did the work.

when she said “he needed to overcome my minds resistance,” i let out an involuntary gasp like i was watching a movie or something. couldn’t believe what i’d heard. madison you deserve so so much more, and you will find it, we believe in you! you just need to get out so you can find it. you will be loved.

He's a scammer who's trying to scam multiple women in different countries. It's also the reason he's not having sex with the sweet letter-writer, it's not about connection for him, it's just a scam. The letter-writer deserves real love. 💗 Not somebody who's exploiting, manipulating and mistreating her. She's a giver and she's giving her all to the wrong person who only knows how to take and take and take. And leave her drained and empty.

I really hope she's already dumped him! It's dangerous to be in denial about the reality of a person who's harming you.

Oh my word this woman is in a very dangerous situation. I pray she can find someone to help her escape from this nightmare

Shes just sponsering him.......😢 So sorry, ive heard this story so many times in my work in domestic violence.....😏 After listening further, i actually BEG YOU to contact a domestic violence shelter near you! I can tell you are experiencing it, even tho you're playing it down. They offer support, court advocacy, support groups, counseling. I am so scared for you if you stay in that relationship....my phone is always on. 💜💜💜💜

This poor girl, 100% was abused at least emotionally as a child and needs heavy therapy

So so scary. Takes my breath away. Please, leave. You are worth it and I am afraid of what will happen to you if you stay in this marriage. I wish you the very best.

To "Madison"- your safety, peace and need for transparency matter. Sending you hugs- I hope you're able to keep yourself safe and move forward to find the emotional safety you deserve.

Run, run fast.

Yikes! Unconscious Denial sure gets us into trouble! Thank you for your calm, compassionate & clear communication & teaching. May all wake up with grace & ease, with courage & common sense guiding our decisions. May all integrate, come to peace, live in joy & grounded awareness. May the spirit of Aloha bless us all. May Aloha flow freely through us, healing all of Life. Mahalo, mahalo, mahalo!

My heart goes out to her; I also was married to someone who has very similiar traits as her husband and grew up in a dysfunctional family. For anyone who is going through this type of situation, it is not your fault that you do not know what love is ❤ The denial, gaslighting, manipulation, etc is real. This is "death by a million papercuts" they slowly take away every shred of your being until you are left with an empty shell of what you used to be and purposely isolate you from your support system. I hope you can get therapy or some kind of group support. Therapy is expensive but there are some places that will help you based on your income. Whoever you talk to make sure they are empathethic, understanding and not judging. There are many people in this world who do not understand narcissistic abuse and will treat you like you are crazy, but those are not your people. Please listen to that voice that is telling you to run far far away. You deserve to feel safe ❤ you are stronger than you think! Being alone is scary and hard but know that you have the awareness to change your life and make better choices.

It's hard now dealing with shambles, but if you can dump this guy, your life can get so much better!

Yes, denial was a coping thing as a child but as an adult, it does not work for sure and definitely destructive as you said, Anna. Thank you for all your videos. They help put validation and clarity to many that need it.

He has a diagnosis, 😲 I CAN HELP.🤔🥰 6 years later.... No I Can't.

Today I was scared of someone too, my mother, along with other family members. I told my inner child out loud, “I’m the adult and I will protect you, my dear girl.” I was cold and subtly shaking in the corner of my shower, disconnected and disassociated from the world for a moment. Part of this inner girl (inner self/child) does not believe the adult self. As the adult, I have to work with the child and build trust by showing them I can keep them away from dangerous situations and people. It’s a step by step process. One that has to be consistent and conscience. I’m am working on courage as well. You are in my thoughts as we walk through this journey together.

OK so I’m 6 minutes in, a therapist, & I used to do 5150 evaluations in downtown Stockton : I had 15 minutes- that’s it. Stockton CA, that’s like one of the most violent cities in California. But when I was 16, my favorite place to hang out was Berkeley. So: here’s what I think (whatever else great advice is offered) First of all, you’re not married if he cannot prove divorce, so it’s an annulment - not a divorce, imo non-legal opinion. Second, the dudes 100% defrauding you, but you could end up with an even worse situation: For example, he alleges “abuse” & has you kicked out of your own house, and gets control of everything. Then, while you’re on the streets, he has a protective order against you so you cannot go within 100 feet of him or your own house. IMO: You’re being abused and should go to the nearest domestic violence center and ask for help! IMO because you may need to file a restraining order, as this person sounds like they are pathologically driven and might retaliate. Btw: I recommend this channel, -- We have to put safety of the client at the number one place in our assessment . The Tarrasoff decision which resulted in our having to warn others if a client represented a danger to someone else- was based on a case that came directly out of Berkeley, CA. A failure to warn resulted in the brutal murder by knife of a young girl there who was a wonderful UC Berkeley graduate student. Her killer was eventually sent back to India with virtually no consequences. I met the cop who held her in his arms as she died. You have a choice to do whatever you want as an adult. But it would be my priority to point out to (somebody like) you that I believe 100% you are the victim of some fraud, and I would immediately begin giving you resources to begin to defend yourself against what might happen if this person retaliates against you. Which, it sounds he is both willing and able to do. But I’m only six minutes in. Yet that’s how I do it when I do therapy for people too… I had 15 minutes to do my 72 hour involuntary hole assessments. So six minutes was plenty of time in downtown Stockton- you can trust me. Safety? That’s a very quick decision. Like her I’ve been listening to thousands of stories and it’s hard sometimes not to just say- “Wait, hang on. Let’s stop right here because I already have enough information. I don’t need one more bit of information.” It might make people feel good to be listened to. But,some of us who have seen how desperate people are, and what horrible circumstances they placed themselves in for that “😢hope of some happiness fantasy.” 🖕🏾 It’s a fantasy! Wake up! Some just refuse to accept a good person when they’re available and choose an actual predator. Definition: An actual predator is one who has actually chosen a victim, and separated their victims out, and often victimizes by finding the victims weaknesses and exploiting them for the predators own motivations. Maybe they are an easy mark? Idk. That desire for love is not your friend at this time, lady. Other than very gullible and needy you probably have a lot of other qualities that I’m sure many men would find very nice Why you’re attracted to somebody who is 100% unavailable lead me to recommend the book called “he’s scared, she’s scared”written about 30 years ago

This girl NEEDS independent legal advice.

He gets asked too many questions... He sounds like a scammer

Also, do the Daily Practice! It's like magic for getting all the ick out of your system.

End it now!!!

I was not able to finish this episode because I found myself being harshly judgmental of the mental gymnastics this writer was doing to justify r*pe and abuse. I really tried to empathize, but it’s tough when someone is so obviously walking directly into the fire repeatedly and persistently. She’s burning herself alive.

Red flags everywhere……foolishness and illogical and abnormal relationship behavior. I don’t care what his conditions are…she’s made mistakes everywhere over and over… He’s a con, a liar and very manipulating. Dump him and sue him.

Madison, you’re being SCAMMED! Abused, used. You NEED to get out of this! Get help, tell somebody!

This is an absolutely terrible situation. But as I was listening, I recalled my previous relationship where I used to have the same type of doubt - am I villifying him? It wasn't even close to Madison's situation, but still I was refusing to see many things. Whatever happens to me next, I am glad I have been safe out of that relationship for 2 years now.

A few months ago this lady started me on a journey of hope. Hope, hope, hope. She is a saint - at least for me. I don't know where this is taking me and I'm very confused - but following it feels right - deep inside of me. it is a long and scary road for me - but but but - one slow step at a time through the dark and then, out of the darkness, one day I might travel. Hope hope hope. and to all of you like me - hope.

Oh, Madison, dear, you've been through a lot... I hope this video reaches you and you free yourself from the clutches of this man. You deserve so much better!

You poor thing! He's scamming you, honey. No doubt about it. Has that energy all over it. Definitely get OUT.

I know a couple people personally who were in love with someone from another country, married, then sponsored that person to come to the states. Anna mentioned this, but the people I know have been ruined financially probably forever because of the responsibility of sponsoring. It's ugly and you deserve some peace and kindness in your life. Blessings for safety and the strength to choose your own needs over anyone else's. ❤

I'm in shock. How blind someone can get? This is very scary, not only for your private life but life in community. How many damage she might have overseen/caused around those she doesn't have any emotional bond. Very different indeed.

Run run run as quick as you can out of this situation. Then pratice practice practice self love, self respect, fill yourself up with love, and love back to the child you were who didn't receive love, respect, healthy attention & the care she needed. Send it to yourself every day, throughout the day, until you start to know what it feels like. So that when others come along who aren't going to give it to you, you recognise it, and don't even let them in! Yes, being alone can be lonely, but, letting abusive people in will NEVER fill the void. The part that needs love. You need to find help, professional help, meditation, anything that takes you back to loving & caring for yourself. So you start to build that muscle & you start to know you are worthy of it!

Sounds like the writer was growing up being consistently / frequently gaslighted by her surroundings and so the chronic self-doubt or the inability to see a red flag as a red flag. I applaud her courage to write the letter and seek help tho.

my narcissistic ex used the same excuses as your husband is, Madison. He broke my open, unlocked bedroom window over the bed where I was sleeping and said he had no choice but to react that way because I locked my doors and he was "freezing to death" just like he did when his dad used to lock him out of the house. He even told this to the police when they showed up and attempted to charm them. Please get out of that relationship, he will never love you the way you deserve to be loved. I am scared for you. The night before your wedding was 100% assault. You don't have to fight and scream for it to be assault. You said you weren't comfortable. That's enough, you said no. I hope you're able to find support in a group or in your friends, please find a group to join at the very least if you can not come clean to your friends or loved ones.

This channel helps me understand so much about myself and my patterns in life. There is a reason why things play out the way they do in individuals with significant trauma. I will say this channel is also extremely triggering for me. When you sum all the intricate parts of these wounds that are debilitating, healing seems like an insurmountable challenge.

God, at first. I didn’t relate at all, then I started relating a bit…then I hit full on panic mode as I related all to well. I left my fiancé who had these tendencies…I stayed with him 2 years to long, but I left. Wish I did it in the first few months. But I didn’t know, and didn’t see. And I so much wanted to help him. This is really making me even stronger in my decisions

Maybe asking yourself the question « Do I trust this man enough to be responsible for him in my country »Will help? I was blamed for 10 years for everything that was going on in my relationship and let me tell you, that will NOT change. Would you marry him again knowing what you know now? If you are ok with things never getting better than they currently are, then proceed. But from your letter, it sounds like they are not good and you are not happy and not at peace. I am praying and rooting for you!

The woman in this letter sounds like she was lied to and manipulated. It feels like the man married the woman for immigration not for love and she is in complete denial because she doesn't want to be divorced twice. She wants to be happy but he is just using her.

Madison, you deserve so much more in life than this time bomb. ❤ What seems difficult and complicated now is a walk in the park compared to what you’re going to have to deal with if you let this character into your life. Get an annulment - in most states, you’d qualify based on his disingenuousness around the divorce certificate. You CAN do this.

Run, girl, run because your life could be in danger.

Sounds like he used her for a green card

Gosh your first few words capture it all. Now I am listening I have been there so many times. Thank you

Oh Madison, I feel like I understand this situation and your confusion so much because I was involved with someone from a very bad country and felt so guilty for having to end it even though he was not honest. I really hope she is ok!

Yes, the letter was long & a bit extreme. And...I still saw pieces of myself in there . (ya think?🤔) Always appreciate what Anna has to say. ❤

Well done anna.

This letter left me speechless for a while. Like many others have commented: you need to get yourself safe. Go back to your community in curch, contact a domestic abuse shelter - don't isolate yourself. It's harder to make decisions and necessary actions alone and afraid, but those people who have cared for you, they can help. Don't be alone! ❤❤ He is not the one who cares for you.

This case sounds like a major SOS call. I hope and pray she gets the help she needs

Stop the documentation and protect your name and reputation. Don't connect yourself to him. And block him on everything. Safety is #1. 💜🦋💪

He seems like a con artist! Please leave this person!

I'm so angry right now. The realisation of the fact that there are so many people out there capable of using and abusing others is shocking. I can see myself in the exact same position as she is. I am free from a 10-year relationship with someone who constantly and deliberately treated me the same way. I do hope she can believe there is a way out and that she deserves to be free from harassment and abuse and be respected and loved.

Confusion is a sign of an abusive relationship. Get a lawyer & start divorce proceedings as soon as possible as well as go NO CONTACT.

🏃 run!

Sometimes fearful judgement is your inner self telling you THE CORRECT JUDGEMENT. ITS NOT JUDGEMENTAL to practice good JUDGEMENT about people's character!! Start to listen to, and RESPECT & pay atention to your feelings, they are your body's knowing, sending you clear messages. This does not feel good. = IT IS NOT GOOD!

Confusion = Absolute Denial

I hope there will be an update about Madison in the near future... Am sincerely concerned about her...

This is so true

He's still married ..... This is all a scam so he can get money and a green card.

This lady needs so much healing and it cannot be done when in an abusive relationship. Her life is in danger. She will keep attracting abusers unless she stops and learns how to be able to take care of herself and love herself more one way is to be able to see life as it is not as she wants it to be. That only comes when she can let go of denial because she is in a safe and healthy place in her life.

Being "talked into" sex when we really don't want to is also a sign of an abusive relationship. I get it. I used to think that I OWED sex to my exh. But that's not love at all.

Wow I could barely listen to the end, first time. This is a horrible situation she is in and itvis hard to believe she cannot connect the dots. It’s like she just cannot bring herself to cast him out. She does not belong with this man.

I’m scared and worried for her. She needs to cut ties, reconnect with her support network and heal. I hope she’s in a better place soon.

Hi Fairy, Have you seen the recent series Alice& Jack? Would be great if you could do a video over the series, discussing the bond between the main characters.

Sounds like a story from the book Bigonist. The man is a psychopath who is definitely already married (maybe even several times).

Isolation is also a BIG sign of an abusive relationship hun. I totally get it.

This letter has gone on too long I hope it’s done she’s in a relationship with nobody and she’s been deluded

Madison: run!!! ❤

She should make "No Time To Die" her go-to song.

“Marrying” this scammer so he can gain entrance to the country is not only putting the letter-writer in GRAVE danger but the citizens of the country as well. No coddling this one please

My dear lady, you need to run. This is wrong, what he's doing to you is wrong. You are so brave. My heart breaks for you. Please take care of you. You matter.

This letter is so long and hard to listen to be she is not seeing it And it’s clear to me he’s a user and abuser and there is no relationship between them Confusion is clarity

I have really bad social anxiety and C-PTSD and at the work place it’s really hard for me too be around people i want too isolate all the time I was raised in a narcissistic dysfunctional family and stict religious trauma a d emotional neglect and childhood trauma I don’t feel like I’m good enough even at work I feel so ashamed I’ll never be good enough I work on a team and I don’t feel comfortable around people

I haven't listened right to the end yet, but seriously, stop the visa if you can!!! People like him who BLAME YOU for their anger, I can see even if you say, I don't want to live with you, or have sex etc.... he's not the kind of person who can respect you or those boundaries. It wouldn't surprise me if he asked you for help, but got angry & took it out on you physically, like a human punching bag, with violence or rape. I mean, he ripped that thing off your head & pulled your hair then showed no sign of caring. You could really be in physical danger if this man gets to come to your country!! It's hard to hear your story, that you've been wiling to put up with so much already. But things could get way worse too. Prevention is better than cure! GET OUT OF IT IMMEDIATELY!!!!! Far out, can't say it loudly enough

I think I have been in denial about my former hobby of Model Car building..... I thought I was good at it but I actually don't think I have the ability to build them anymore... sad

I am so sorry, I pray that you get clear enough to see through your fuzziness. You sound so sweet

Can you be my therapist over the phone?

i'm just so puzzled as to how she wound up with this dude at all

I really hope and pray that this Letter is not real. It seems almost like a sick joke or something. Please, Madison tells a couple girlfriends.What's going on and be honest and take their advice. You really need to reach out to trusted kind people.

Is this from TLC's 90 days fiance😮

my friend didnt realize her husband had debt until they took her tax refund. so ya lol you do become responsible for their financial stuff. they were married for 5 years and he never told her cuz he didnt think it mattered and she had no clue either she could end up paying someone's debt just for being married.. he didnt know either. i had a long distance marriage which generally was fine. the visa process is a pain in the ass for sure and can create extra difficulties on top of everything. and for people who are real it is a scary thing to leave home. most people dont wanna come to usa contrary to what most Americans believe. our country isnt really that great. its super hard to live here and theres a lot of judgement and hate between people, families abandon each other, neighbors hate each other. america is really not as friendly or safe as other places. we didnt end up being compatible cuz when my cat died he shrugged it off and im a huge cat lover so i ended it, and yes he was approved for visa and everything but im not dealing with someone who thinks a cat is a pet n i can just get another cat when they die. they are my furbabies, my family. and some people just dont get that, so after years of being together i decided he should know that by that point and he didnt so i was like okay we cannot be together if you really think my cats are just pets and that might sound ridiculous to many but idc , id likely choose my cats life over a random humans life and its even easier for me to end any relationship over my cats.

Great advice, Crappy Childhood Fairy.

Is there a Crappy Childhood Fairy channel for men? This IS great and informative and thought provoking, but it would be nice if there was a support for men out there.

Madison- This guy is like a diet coke! Bland, zero calories, zero nutritional value and definitely not worh the money. He is hollowed out and shallow. He is not a puzzle to figure out. He has many missing pieces that you spend all your time on and at the end you will never have the full completed puzzle. He has his agenda and your not part of it. Don't be used and drop him quick. He unfortunately will find someone else to gaslight. I'd be checking if he really did have a legit degree! Anna is spot on !! It takes a long long time to get to know someone.

Well, that’s a unique and pretty obvious case. lol poor lady

👍🎯

Where is he from??

Omg, sounds like mohamed and danielle

Get a restraining order as well, he sounds dangerous

Let me guess... He's from Nigeria and 30 years younger.. Or something

There is NOTHING GOOD about this man. He uses you. He abuses you. He only wants your money and visa/residence for your country. You deserve much more, you deserve a loving man ... but this man definitely does not and will never love you. He does not know what love is. He is a scammer. Do not feel guilty about leaving him, he will find another victim. Sorry to say this. No contact with him. Zero. Please, love yourself and therefore kick hjm out of your life. Lots LOVE to you from an experienced woman.

Lol are we married to the same man ? Sounds like the same guy ! 😂

Oh Madison. 💔 You're dealing with dysregulatuon in this "relationship" because you're definitely in survival mode and retraumatizing yourself. You met a man and married him in 60 days, without knowing much about him, with him being secretive about a past divorce/marriage and his money. Why? What did you want from him? You don't feel safe enough to live with this man, so why did you marry him? *You can't save him!* Please prioritize yourself! You've just tried to get him to immigrate to another country, but for what purpose? The money you spent supporting him is never going to come back, either in an emotional investment or being paid back by him. Madison, you did make a mistake, but now you have to work on the power of fixing your mistake. That is within your ability. Divorce, lawyers and attorneys, do everything in your *power* to get out of this. You should never ever marry someone whom you don't even like! Let alone sponsor them for immigration and take on their financial responsibilities. Take it from me. I almost hitched up with an older man from another country, where I barely knew the language. But then I started to feel unsafe and I broke it off before any travel and immigration proceedings went through. You value having a marriage without seeing that a marriage includes RECIPROCAL LOVE. You deserve a loving marriage, not just another ring on your finger. And you don't even want this man in your home! My heart breaks for you hearing how he took advantage of you and SA'd you. You deserve real love, not whatever this is. This is not real love. I don't hear anything positive in your letter about this man; no love, no calm, no peace, no joy. Only fear and anguish and excuses for him.

He Is Dangerous. proceed with Caution. His income could be from getting loans under your credit. Let the police help you.

The guy has his own self-centered issues and he will try to get as much advantage as he possibly can out of the situation. He seems to be very selfishly involved and you are just an instrument in his plan and when I say his plan, it does not involve anything but USING you. Get a divorce, otherwise you are being selfish too if you aren't willing to live with your husband and have sex with him because you aren't happy with him.