Outgrowing Friends: The Unspoken Reality 

And you don't need to walk away just because you think you're "outgrowing" them or walking down different path. My husband has a close friend since high school. They're 35 now. They meet up like once every other or every 3 months, just to catch up over dinner. Their life path is soooo different. My husband graduated with higher degree, got high paying job, have his own business, and now we're pregnant expecting family. His friend got into art/music, single, no relationships, random jobs. They're just two good chill dudes who are just content with talking to each other. They don't judge each other at all and don't think about "outgrowing" each other or being nitpicky on each other. Now that's a real friendship; no judgements whatsoever.

the last bit "would I become friends if I met them today" hit like a train

It’s actually really healthy to out grow friendships. It actually means you’re growing , evolving, and changing. BE PROUD

After watching this, I realized that I was the friend whose ego was hurt by my friend changing as a person, and I tried to stop the change, which eventually led her to cut me off. It made me extremely guilty for a long time. Thanks for helping me think about this in a new light.

the timing of this is insane

Adding to tension: it reveals/adds different expectations from the other person

I don't always see it as different rates of growth or one person growing "more" than another person, but also perhaps growing in different directions and valuing and enjoying different things. You came together at a certain time in life when things aligned, and then as you value and desire things different to your friend, perhaps you find yourself drifting apart.

“Outgrowing” is a toxic oversimplification of what happens a lot of the time. A lot of the time, you have a shared interest/commitment which gains you a friend. Once that thing is lost or discontinues, its natural for those friendships to fizzle out. If we put “outgrowing” in terms of like one person being a party animal and staying like that and another person who doesn’t like the party life anymore. They just have different priorities, outgrowing feels like you’re saying one option is better than the other. Yeah partying can be bad for your body (drugs, etc) but that person still has fun and enjoys themselves. Growth is so vague but implies that you’ve become better than what once was.

Yes. People don't want to see you grow at all! Thanks for sharing this. I also think some people don't give their friendships enough effort.

Imagine the shock of hearing, "you think you're better than me?" To a friendship longer than a decade when I got job that paid higher than him. I confided to him all my personal, romantic and financial problems. I respected his opinions and congratulated his achievements in good faith while trying my best to identify the natural human reaction of jealousy and envy to the best of my abilities to subdue them.. I'm literally 50k in debt while he is scott free of any financial hole. Some people just hate to see you succeed.

There’s friendships that naturally die over time and never to be heard from again, even if the friend was a hardcore ride or die (in its lifespan) But sometimes their lifestyle doesn’t push your future self in a direction that you’d want for yourself. And that’s okay. Then there are friendships that you can leave them for years and come back like nothing has changed. And those friendships are the best kinds of friendships since no matter what in life, you’ll have a support system even across the country/world. Treasure those friendships

It’s frustrating when the friend won’t let you go. And it’s sad when they hold onto the cheerful moments but you’re reminded of how draining and stressful the friendship became. Sure, friendships take effort just as any relationship. But it takes maturity and self confidence to realize that some things run their course, and that you need to consider your needs too.

Amazing video dude. I agree. I had friends who were always late, playboys, and immature and I let them all go. Their values couldn't align with mine anymore. Their energy isn't something I needed nor was it something I want to deal with. I like to grow everyday as a better version of myself and they didn't want that.

It's less "outgrowing" and just going on a different path. Looking at life with just growths only in mind is somewhat closeminded.

Also dangerous when they say "oh you're like a family for me". Look at their families. Are they coming from a stable non toxic house? Are they loving and in contact with their relatives, or are they treat them as nonchangable possessions that will always be there? Because you don't choose your family but you can choose your friends. And you have to deal with your parents but you don't have to deal with toxic friends: you have to win really good friends, friends who will be there to help you, mentally and physically have resource for you. Are you that type of friend? Do you really have such friends? Good friend will always be growing and motivating you to grow towards what is really good for you. If you don't have good food then don't eat garbage, f you don't have good friend it's better to stay alone before really good friend appears so you have a room for them.

This video made me realise that I have a surprising amount of friendships that I have managed to keep over time. Sure sometimes our values can be different, but to me that’s the amazing part because we can learn from each other. They are the people who lent me a hand when I was at my lowest points, and I want to stand by them when they’re at their lowest too. I will be forever grateful for that ❤️.

You are young and very wise to reflect upon your life like this, which is very important. At nearly 76, I too decided to let go of those who don’t bring me joy, and are not interested in me anymore. As a person, I have outgrown them, while they have not. It is sad but necessary.

If you ever find yourself in these scenarios, one possible concept to ponder upon is that maybe how you make friends and how you define friendships were wrong all along. It's a highly opinionated statement, but for me, if friendships break just because of these reasons then it was never a friendship in the first place. I agree with you that these relationships rely on the "idea of each other", not the "each other" and ideas make strong assumptions which can make us sway away from reality. And you know what people want? to live in a reality they believe in.

My best friend recently ended my friendship. At first I broke down crying, thinking everything was my fault. That I never knew her completely like I thought I did. However, I realised it wasnt just my fault. Both my friend and I were responsible for our relationship ending. Sure, she had some points with what were right, and I have been working to change my behavior. I feel her cutting me off was really the best thing that has happened to me recently. Since that was the source of my growth :D I thought my best friend and her friend groul were my only friends. But after she cut me off, I realised there were many friends rhat I have been ignoring that wish to spend more time with me.

Just discovered that I needed to cut off with one of my friend. Suddenly they have a partner and they feel above everyone. Anyway, it's better for my mental health anyway. Thanks❤

i was here a year ago and finally started meeting people who align with me and it’s amazing!! i thought it was going to be impossible at one point but just keeping doing what’s best for you with a good heart and you will always be rewarded

This is side of the life that is bittersweet - we outgrow ourselves and outgrow other people, sometimes the closets relationships. It will hurt but we're making space for people who will be better now.

You articulated this really well. I had this happen with a friend I'd had for over 5 years and when I wanted to outgrow who I'd been cast as in life what you discussed followed. Thanks for for making this, I appreciate it.

Hey James, I'm Canadian born Chinese, 33 years old, with ethic hakka-Chinese father and and ethic Teochew Chinese mother, both were born in Malaysia. I think our stories relate to each other a lot in regards to the discourse you bring about in this video. So I'm rather a tough person mentally, physically and spiritually which contrasts to how "normie society" puts their "label" on me as a "baby faced, small eyed Chinese "boy"". I am a full adult yet I still receive this label. And I receive this label even from other ethnic east Asians. And when I do choose to flip the switch and dominate, their preconceptions of the label they want me to inhabit creates difficulties in them acknowledging who I truely am. I am inherently extraverted. Society chooses to put the intraverted label on me because of the socially -constructed label "normie society" stubbornly keeps putting on me. This has led to me having lost all the friends I've made in my life, along with an "addiction" one could say to youtube rather than seeking out real people friends, compiled with my family social problems as well as my familiy's oppressed status within society. Hope you have/will find good friends in the future who are valid and are willing to foster genuine relationships. Peace

This was an awesome video! I definitely needed to watch this video, because I had a best friend who I've outgrown, the friendship felt one side, as in everything was catered to him. I always felt like I had to walk on eggshells around him. I could never be too open or couldn't say something on my mind because it might upset him, and he might blow up! I'm ready to move on from my high school friendships and build new ones along my journey through college and the world! This was a great video, keep up the good work!!!

Define growth, does out-growing someone make you more valuable as a person? You're quick to assume the negative from the people you've "out-grown" to the point it sounds like you want to discard them based off of some kind of projection that confuses your loose/undefined/vague term of growth with the innate worth of a human being.

Im gratfuel I found this video, and you took your precious time, energy, focus, attention, and intention to create it and share it with the rest of the world. It helped me see where I haven't been paying attention, putting my time and effort into understanding who I'm aligned with and who I'm not aligned with. Most important is who I want to keep in my life, what type of people I want to surround myself with, and who I am naturally attracted to.

Not all change is good. I personally don’t hold any of my friends back from becoming better people/ manifesting their dreams, and I don’t want them to be stagnant either since I myself am working towards being my “realistic best self”. I did have a friend though, who became a lot more judgmental (a “this is me you can take me or leave me” mentality) and less considerate and she didn’t want to admit the incredibly hurtful things she was doing / she kept insisting that she was good the way she was (while she continued to push people away through her behavior, which was not just healthy boundary setting but rather poor decision making, passive aggression, sometimes actual aggression in terms of confrontation, defensiveness and not wanting to face her inner demons). I’ve had enough. People make mistakes, but if you make me feel like a garbage heap and then we can’t have an adult conversation about it where we each admit our part in the situation and work towards making things better, then I’ll go my own way. I don’t need to feel perfectly content and happy with my friends all the time, but if a person doesn’t care about the fact that they’ve emotionally wounded me through behavior that most people would objectively label as hurtful, then that’s a problem and I don’t want that type of person to be my friend. The thing is I don’t wish any ill upon this friend, I just think she has some massive growing up to do.

Your comments are quite accurate in my experience. I might quibble with using the term "outgrow." As we get older, each of us changes and moves in different directions in our interests, values, and priorities. These changes can lead to differences that makes remaining friends unwanted, likely by both parties. For me, my friendships were affected as I physically moved to a new places, and the resulting friendships I made at my university and during my working years. Yet, even these later life friendships made later may go through the same waxing and waning. I am likely about 3 times your age, so I can add that later in life some of those early friends might reappear and reconnect. As you said, there is a shared history of a time of life with them, and over the span of decades - attitudes and experiences may grow more similar. You may find connections once again as you and they are different people than when you parted ways.

Not me being hit like a truck by the question you asked at the end 😅

I can stay friends with people whom I've outgrown, provided they understand and respect certain boundaries. I might not be able to spend as much time with them as I used to, but I don't like to entirely let go of people, especially if I feel they played an important role in positively shaping who I am today. Some people are just happier with less, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. But they too have to respect that I want something else, instead of getting bitter about it. It sometimes makes no difference if you want the best for someone, and try to raise them up with you. Some people defensively refuse any attempt to self-improve. It is as if they want to fall behind deliberately. Sucking at life becomes part of their identity, and they 'need' other people to keep them afloat. This is very different than being 'happier with less'. The trouble frequently is that people enter into or create various kinds of relationships in their lives, not because they necessary respect or want the best for those other people, but because they 'need' those people for something or other. I don't want to be a part of someone else's life unless I feel that I can positively contribute, and I believe it is on that basis that you create authentic long-lasting friendships or relationships of any kind, no matter even if one of you starts to somehow 'outperform' the other, because everyone is doing better as a result.

I was watching this with the impression you had 1 million subscribers because you seem like that type of person, I couldn’t relate any more with you on this video

Agree with many sentiments but "outgrowing" puts a condescending tone on it implying youre better than them now, when they could just be "growing" in a different direction.

The wisdom in your videos. They just get better and better, my love you are such a brilliant, open eyed human 💖

I've watched a few videos about this topic since it is something I struggle a lot with, it's nice to hear people talking about this but it's usually nothing new. For the first time I can say that this video brought me new perspectives on this topic. You're really intelligent and well-spoken, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us

A lot of my friends didn't want to talk. Proper conversations with meaning. They always want to eat or drink or be merry and playful or shop. They found me boring and irrelevant because I don't have IG or snapchat or I don't 'post' as much as they do. I moved on.

I'm going to be honest but that dynamic will lead you to have no friend at all. You will outgrow people and people will outgrow you. You may be the """"biggest person"""" of one situation and you ll also be someone's else clown 🤗 What is the solution ? Having people with the exact same mind? Good luck with that. Maybe the answer would be to stop seeing what separe us and what put us together ?!? Ok you have projects, more income than your best friend. You are here, listening to one RU-vidr has to say while he plays videogames. You feel a distance being created. How about talking about this? How about trying to remember what make you like this person ? How about trying to see how you can adapt this friendship to now? Ofc you might not be become friend with that person TODAY but c'mon .... Life is like weather. If you hate your car today, would it be a reason to throw it out today, being car free better than driving a car you don't like 😂 ?!? If an object has a better value than people, you should really question yourself. From my observation, friendships might got elevated after going through situations of change. We create links to people and unless that are toxic for us, the truth is more complex. It takes work from both people. But you may gain widsom from it. I don't mean all those situations can be fixed. Sometimes full detachment is need.

At my current stage I don't feel like I have outgrown any relationships of mine. I only recently started watching these sorts of videos where people share their opinions on core subjects of human nature so I have lots to learn. This was an interesting video and you have earned a subscriber, processing information likes this really takes time and own experience. Especially for me because recently I have been consuming a lot of media similar to this form of content and naturally with the overload of different information and perspectives it's hard to gauge how much I believe and can apply to my own life. I feel a lot of these videos have a bigger impact on people who are going through such problems but the current stage of my life is one with very little hardships and much to be grateful for. I watch these videos to learn. to learn about myself and other people with more experience and how they perceive things compared to me. I watch these things so one day if I am in these situations I can act appropriately in a way that I personally deem correct and not have any major regrets. All in all thanks for the video James and I hope you continue making content.

Honestly, this should always be emotional. The only people I've actively ditched were straight up toxic and had no motivation to become serious about their ambitions. Money is not that important

I literally just outgrew my friends who drink, smoke and rave almost every week. In 2023, I became super close to them because I had noone else in my life and became someone who drank AT MINIMUM once a week. In September of 2023, I had a dissociation period where I began to question the very fabric of reality. I also began to question who was "really" my friend. I was always considered the "mediator" or "therapist friend" but barely anybody checks on the therapist friend right? I began to put myself first in 2024 and I have not been happier. I still see these friends from time to time, but I don't go out ot my way to hang out with them as I have other people in my life who fit this stage in my life better. Do I miss the fun we had? Yes of course. Would I go back in time and warm my prior self about them? Probably. Do I regret the times I spent with them? Absolutely not. Sometimes, people grow apart and that's ok :)

This resonates with me so much. I cut my cousins and my sister off. So many good childhood memories and good times, at least that's what I used to think of at the time. As we grew older to adulthood, going through HS together, a lot of our relationships subtly came to me having to put up a tough "I can take a joke" facade, essentially making myself a clown for them. I didn't mind it at first and wasn't too bothered by it, but it was their callousness to towards my problems that disturbed me. It didn't start off that way, it just kind of fell into place and I could always get a sense that they would "place" me in a box just like you said. The more I thought about it, every interaction just seemed off and felt like them positioning me in some way. They knew I had some insecurities regarding making friends and socializing, and often it felt like knowing this, they would pretty much be a fisherman holding bait over my head, and I would take their bait. Just basically feeding me their crumbs of "friendship" while they show me their utmost respect toward others, a clear difference from how they treat me. By the time I was 19, I cut them off abruptly. Didn't say a word. Not too long later, I then got a text from my sister and my cousin essentially just telling me off, saying "I should write an exit letter!", and how it's "disrespectful to leave without saying a word." Admittedly, maybe they had a point about letting them know, but again, their callousness. They didn't bother ONCE to ask why I might have done something like that. I felt alone, I felt like I had nobody to REALLY talk to. Instead, they just made it about their own egos, how they feel "betrayed." It might have been a different story if they had simply just asked "What's wrong?" Knowing damn well they would never do the same for me if the roles were reversed, I just said screw it. I don't need these people. I told my cousin "You know what? I think I realized something. I don't need to be validated by you." At that point, my cousin proceeded to tell me I'm "cutting n*ggas off." lol We're Asian btw. I broke out of the box they tried to place me in. I'll admit, there were highs and lows in my life after that just due to life, and because of my loneliness, part of me wanted to seek them out again. However, I know full well the kind of toxic people they are, and sometimes you never realize how toxic it is until you're on the outside looking in. Their egos and insecurities took a hit because they don't have someone in their box to keep them feeling secure. I'm 26 now. I don't regret any of it. That decision was made based on my own intuition and gut feeling because I knew being in that sort of box wasn't it for me. Don't let anyone make you feel stupid for how you want to grow.

I 100% agree with this advice. I am a business owner and only became who I became once I let go of my friends and made new ones who are a part of my new group.

thank you for sharing your insight on this topic. Before I went to college this year, I had a friend who I considered to be the closest friend I ever had up until that point. I felt very strongly towards them, but after College and meeting many others including friends who I really connected and bonded with + plus a multitude of other experiences that greatly changed my motivations and passions in life, coming back to see them this summer, I felt like I had just blasted to the past from a year ago. I felt upset because I used to hold this person so dear, but now it feels like I am forced to be the person I used to be with them, and because I am not doing that, there is a weird rift between us. I've been contemplating fizzling out our relationship this summer, and now this video helps to accommodate those feelings I have. It's our own journey but it's quite comforting when we can relate to others in life.

My friendships have completely changed over the years. It’s mainly due to different paths in life. I’ve only maintained contact with a very small handful of people since my high school and college years. I don’t think it’s malicious. We just end up pursuing different paths in life as we get older. It’s natural. People just go their separate ways after high school and college and that’s okay. It’s a part of life. It’s a part of getting older and growing wiser.

I had to walk away from a couple of people I thought were my friends because of what felt like some high school level drama. A third person who was very clear about not liking me pretty much just told me that the people I thought were my friends did not like me. And when I asked them what it was that bothered them, they told me that I had to figure it out for myself. That's when I realized that even if I "figured it out," these people clearly were not invested very much in our friendship. If they had wanted to continue being friends, they would have been able to point out exactly what it was I did that bothered them so much. Even if I worked on myself, they had pretty much said without saying that it was not going to be an equal relationship. So, I decided I would simply stop engaging with them in our larger friend group.

“Outgrow” implies that one party becomes better and more superior than the other. In certain situations, yes, but I would say “change” is a more appropriate word. Our life circumstance/outlook/socioeconomic situation/interests may change and we’re no longer charting the same course, hence the friendship falls apart.

I’m surprised you get the opportunity to actively let go of friends. With closure at least on your end. The reality for me has been just a long period of no contact, followed by ghosting if one side does reach out. No animosity, just ambivalence. You want to see them, but at the same time are hesitant and it never ends up happening.

So weird RU-vid recommended this. It's literally what I've been going through but haven't looked up anything about it. Weird coincidence I guess. I appreciate you sharing this 🙏

Yup. I think it's necessary to change your friends as you evolve. Hard pill to swallow, but its true.

Bro outgrown his friends 💀

You know you've outgrown your friends when you're about to pass their house on the way home and you walk a different way.

You hit my most significant friendship break-up bullseye. Friendships can turn into translations losing from one another, and that is okay as life offers endless learnings for everyone. Nevertheless, I can be friends with them again but for now, I want them to care for themselves surrounding themselves with better people and continue growing in their personal ways.

You have to explain what you mean by "outgrowing". If your friend becomes an addict or harmful/toxic to be around, it would make sense to drift away, but the way it sounds is you and your friend have different ideas on life and you don't like that. You come across as a complete narcissist who wants to control other lives for your benefit. You will get burned for it, and I want you to know it is completely deserved. Friendship is not a transaction.

Main character syndrome

Wow! What an interesting perspective.

Great video, you're wise beyond your years. I'd even go a bit further. If your 'friend' wants you to remain static and prevent your growth for their own "psychological safety", then that's enough of a reason to fizzle out the friendship, in my point of view. I celebrate my friends' growth journeys, and expect them to do the same. I feel very fortunate to be blessed with an excellent friend group that I've had since high school (we're 36 now) - and we've celebrated and consoled each other since. Our lives have diverged somewhat (professionally and personally), and we obviously communicate less than we used to because we have a lot more responsibility, but we've always been there for each other to lift each other up or celebrate together. For example, I'm going to have a phone call with one of my friends later today where I'll help him grow - we'll discuss married life, as I'm married with three kids and he got engaged recently, while he sent me some professional growth materials a few days ago that are very relevant to my profession. Find and treasure those you can grow with - it's a lot more fun for everyone.

You may not fully understand the true meaning of friendship. Friends are not just commodities or assets, they are people who care for each other and create a bond that transcends social standings. A true friend is someone who will always be there, regardless of where they are in life or what they have. It’s not about social advantages or fitting into an ideal social circle, it’s about genuine connection and companionship. It’s important to recognize the value of true friendship and not dismiss it for superficial reasons. Unfriending someone because they no longer fit your ideal social circle or because you have outgrown them is a selfish and hurtful action. True friends stick by each other through thick and thin, supporting each other through all of life’s ups and downs. It’s important to reflect on your actions and consider the impact they may have on others. Being a true friend means being there for each other, no matter what. Don’t let selfishness and conceit dictate your decisions when it comes to friendship. Cherish those who truly care for you and value the bonds you have created.

Glad you're channel's getting the algorithm it deserves :) gret take on the topic as well!

This is exactly what happened to me and I love how it was well-explained. I just subscribed too and I do firmly believe you will gain more subscribers in the near future. Keep it up!!

Moved on from my little Discord friend group. For me, the moment I knew I had to get out was when we got a woman *gasp* to join the chat and everyone was acting like I was a uber simp for just trying to get to know her. Made me realize I will literally never ever ever get a gf hanging with these dudes. I suspect they might even be a bit gay (way too many ironic femboy jokes etc), which is fine but im not that.

This cutie needs more recognition 😭💖 he's such an eloquent speaker, I'm enthralled every time he speaks words of wisdom! Also I must say, switching from locked friendships is hard, but it's oftentimes for the best. Sometimes it's gotta happen, and that's ok! It's just a sign to restart your social life with new people who you can resonate or smile with.

This got recommended at the perfect time, thank you.

This video is very timely, i needed to hear this.

There is a Fleetwood Mac song I really like called “Planets of the Universe”. It’s more of a breakup song but it truly captured how I feel ending a long-term friendship. When I listened to that song for the first time, I almost cried. I’d like to recommend that song to anyone who is going through a similar situation.

Thanks for making this video. I've been struggling a lot with my relationship with my parents who invalidate me, and think this video could be applied to most situations.

i needed to hear this. thank you.

THANK GOD FOR MY FRRRRRIENDS! I wish you all great friends. It really helps.

Hi James, great advice, and something that I've experienced now that I'm in my late 30s. Also, I recognize those buildings behind you, that's Gantry Plaza in LIC!

great video needed to hear this going through some strange feelings with friendships in my life and the value I feel like i receive from my friends

After I was ousted from my religion, and my old friends ignored me, that's when it all changed for me. I experienced the world, made changes, improved my body and mindset, and centered my self, that's when I wanted nothing to do with my old friends. I outgrew them. They didn't have goals, complained why they couldn't attract the opposite sex, and ignored all the obvious things about them that needed improvement. Now, I just want to be alone, but I crave human connection and friendship, but with like minded people

the way you talk is nice to hear ❤️🙏🏻

we treasure old friends but I guess it really comes to a point where your values and priorities start to polarize. one friend who doesn’t wan’t to grow up and another friend who wants to grow up.

People come and go. And that’s completely normal. The older you get the more friends you lose because you don’t have enough time for all of them. As long as you have at least 1 FRIEND you will be fine

Deep friendship involves sacrifices that most people are just not willing to take. And that is okay. A lot of people don’t have a deep friendship, and still live a happy life.

Perfect timing for this video. I feel kind of detached from my friends too ( they play 8 hours video games a day ) and we did not really felt nicely together. I am thinking about breaking up this friendship too but I do not see any clear alternatives and I don't want to be alone. What should I do ?

I think many times is not about different “growth rates”, but rather about going in different directions. I lives 12 years in Japan, and my friends before that have learned other things while I was leaning Japanese culture. But we still meet and talk about our different experiences. Of course it’s easier to speak with people who have have gone through similar experiences to ours, but you don’t have to limit yourself to that.

It's really painful. I've always been dedicated to self-improvement and lost friends, and even when i slowed down it was constant internal turmoil of not becoming who I could be. Trying to save it, to no avail. It makes you not want to pursue any more friendships in the future.

I feel as though I will be really lonely if I don't branch out more and try to find more social friends. I also felt like I did everything I could for one of my friends and they never reciprocated the same kind of care, and started to resent me for some reason.

When I was in middle school, I had a sudden urge to make a better grade. I eventually got a higher grade, always top 1 of the class. My friend suddenly angry at me and she didn’t hide a bit of her anger. She basically stop talking to me and said mean things about my success. I don’t remember how we make up later, we are still friend in high school. She has a darker skin and I am brighter(we are both Asian), I don’t know it was one of her inferiority complex. She gets mad at me again, even we didn’t really argue about it, I can feel we are not that close anymore. I have others friend that are closer and she has too. After we graduated, we never contact again.

I think it would've been nicer if you used "change" more than "grow." Grown makes it sound like you think you're better than them.

This probably the WORST moment to get this video recommended 😭😭😭

nice video! absolutely agree with what you've said :)

narcissists trying to justify their being assholes lmao

I get it, it is starting to feel that way the more I am doing with my life.

Something similar happened to me when i decided i wanted to change for the better (among my friend circle i was more of a jokster). I was becoming so different from them that I couldn't talk about anything that i enjoyed now (reading, working out and studies ) and just gave me weirded out looks whenever i even tried to initiate thos type of topic. Much happier having a single good friend that's also on the same path , the other guys were mentally draining and demotivating .

You dont outgrow, you take different paths. Doesnt mean it wont lead you back to an intersection down the line to catch up before moving on with your journey again. You dont need to cut off healthy relationships just cause you dont have same goal or have similar likes or dislikes for that matter. Focus on yourself and once in a while, hit em up and just be a good friend yourself and catch up. It’s a different matter if they’re literally in the wrong side of the law and you need to get away from that, tho.

Imo it’s shortsighted to think that friendship endings must have a “grower” and the immature or stagnant one. People falling apart happens all the time, in part due to differences in where they live, school, work, hobbies, etc. A fundamental part of life is change, but to view one transformation as objectively/morally correct is simply not true. Some protagonist mentality, thinking that your unwillingness to hangout with them is only due to your development as a person.

Good video. You must have learnt this through lots of suffering.

Perhaps not outgrowing the friends, because they are growing in ways we cannot see, but outgrowing friends in which you had something in common. Outgrowing ourselves is an accountable way to own our change, rather than make it us growing beyond our friends? Just thinking.

Would love to have all your YT videos as episodes in your own podcast if you decide to have one. Personally podcast can be opened in the background as opposed to YT vids

Thank you ❤

So deep and intelligent! Thanks for this content ❤

This shit is really hard especially growing from a place that was really REALLY low and not having any experience in life besides being in that really low place. Because a part of me still sort of believes I'm that low still even though I KNOW I'm not. Like my self worth should be more than that. Like the people I know to go to arent people I aspire anymore yet the people I do aspire to be with are intimidating to me

several things I gotta say. 1st, people who bully you ain't your friend. Get rid of them. 2nd, friends will support you, they won't be jealous, mostly. 3rd, be humble and listen to others. Do not think that you are above other people just because you have different opinion or you have 2 more zeros in your bank account. 4th, ego should not exist within friends. You are on the same side. Let go of your ego and try to provide for your friends, if they are truly your friends. 5th, people who take advantage of you ain't your friends. Get rid of them also. Be humble, be true, be helpful, be strong.

Watching this because I am ending my friendship soon with someone. I got tired on being the one who carry all the time. I also felt being held back because of her and no matter what I teach to her is she never learn and I feel she is jealous of me as well. She tries hard to be pretty and it always makes her bitter that I am that pretty friend. But the thing that really push me to end it it's because she isn't capable of emotional support. She just ends up sugar coating her words just to please me but not the words of comfort at all. I know she isn't smart even though I ended up mainly making our 2 thesis because she keeps making mistakes and not even sure what content to put in and I can't even rely on her on proof reading because she doesn't know how to spot the errors. I always ace my academics better than her. She isn't resourceful. I don't think I have a friend instead I am taking care of a child. I never felt I could rely on her. She doesn't feel like a safety net for me. She can't fight for me and she can't keep up with me. I am only staying for a while after the thesis is bind. I can't help her anymore in 4th year. She needs to toughen up on her own and not act pitiful. I know she'll be fine because I know her boyfriend, best friends to be exact and I am also best friends with her so I am also ending my friendship with him as well. I just didn't like he always meddle with my music style and he can't keep up with me as well. Also him being religious and trying to apply it to everything made me uncomfortable. His religious group are trying to coax me to join but I don't want to. They are putting me in the spot to trap me to teach others of what I do but I just want to grow and I don't trust myself to teach because I know my knowledge isn't enough so I can't create promises I can't keep, they are gaslighting me that it's enough but I know it is not. I plan to go somewhere far but it seems that these people assumed and made plans for me that I didn't know.

Great and needed content, greetings from Brazil 🌴☀️

Also, you have to decide between the comfort of the familiar and the risks of the unknown. Ideally, both parties should be growing and becoming better. If you can do that together that is great but in the end, the reality is that you must grow to the point of being able to depend on only yourself.

Your voice is so soothing. But I really like this topic.

Very timely vid. I like what you shared that we should really ask for feedback from them. It will help me grow. Now i have to think about the question at the end. Keep up your work James.

I'll give my two cent on this because this is important for anything in life. learning to let go is probably one the most important things one must do in order to become who you believe you are suppose to be. that being said about friendships, I find in my personal life, what I admire is ambition. you don't have to be doing anything negative, simply show you are moving forward in some shape or form. many of my friends I simply I grew because what I desired from life was larger than they could imagine so I kept moving. I follow their facebook to see how they doing from to time. not like I hate them, I love them dearly but its clear we would not benefit from each other anymore. letting go, is a form of love. for you, and the individual. so if you are not able to let go of friendships that are not benefiting you anymore, then is ok to walk away. does it suck, hell yeah but holding on to something you don't feel happy about will be much worst.