I came across your old men in strip clubs video. That was very entertaining. I was not looking at all for that type of video, but it showed up on my feed. Get better, good luck with the pregnancy. Merry Christmas.
Ok, very occasionally you find an absolute gem on RU-vid, your whole life has been fascinating and you articulate it so well! I'm really glad you didn't start drinking or taking drugs, I don't know how you avoided that given that you had a really tough childhood (I don't know what happened I just heard you mention it a couple of times) and you had a job as a stripper, anyway, you're right, you're blessed!! So pleased I found this!!!
exactly. Sexiness and prettiness are different things. Some are very pretty but not sexy at all. I think being sexy is a lot about knowing what you want, and unashamedly going for it. Have rizz, that sorta thing. Any adult (up to a certain age) can become more sexy. Although I think most people lose that desire to be like that when they hit their 70s.
Hi! My wife got chickens and made a coop too. I had no idea how adorable they were, and my daughter and I love them. I hope all is well and you and your family have a very Merry Christmas and happy new year!
"people like me don't get to have this." That resonated with me. But know that you are worthy of wonderful things in your life. Why? Because you are. That simple.
@14:41 very common for pretty girls to not think they are pretty and invoke envy from the girls that aren’t. Wish I met you in those early days. That version of you looks good. Would be nice to see slides down memory lane to get a visual sense of what you were like before you settled down to raise a family.
You're right! I'm watching this video now because your "Old men in strip clubs" mysteriously showed up in my feed for whatever reason. I guess the youtube AI has decided to make you popular.
Im a man and a lot of women hit on me when i was younger and some i knew i wasnt interested in at all i never pressure women as a result because i didnt like being hit on by people i wasnt interested in ✌️✌️
After my first night in a club-I came home and decided to educate myself. I came across your video “strippers aren’t real” and decided to get to know these new women if not crossed paths with before. All great people at their core, none without their issues, but mostly kind. It’s been almost two years since then and I am glad to call a handful real friends.
I am new to your channel. Gotta say I am loving it. I love these little chats. As someone who has grown up in the midwest also, I can relate a lot to the social conservatism and how people choose to degrade other human beings because they don't fit their cookie-cutter mold. It is also refreshing listening to your struggles as a woman. It is inspiring and I wish more people could have your honesty.
You are absolutely right, I find you because RU-vid recommended your video about old people in strip clubs, which I found interesting because I’ve never been inside a strip club and neither I consider myself that old. Ok, I am 47 now, maybe a little old lol
I just turned 37. Age comes to us all. But I know an 80 year old lady who celebrates every birthday by acknowledging that, yes she’s a year older, but hey, it’s a lot better than the alternative lol
I like how you said being fit was your normal. I've realized now that I'm older I have to take care of myself more. Just by you saying made me think go get your running shoes on and let's go. Thank you. R.
Whatever you might say about your life, it has certainly been interesting. Thanks for the entertaining videos. Please don't say that you do not have social skills. Anyone who can make a 45 minute video and keep it interesting as you do, most definitely has social skills. Best luck to you! Happy New Year!
Like I said after your first video I watched , you are very entertaining. Sorry 😞 you have been not feeling well. You are a trooper doing the video not feeling well. We all deserve happiness, you included, don't always be so hard on yourself. I am glad you are so open to share with us all as you try to figure out who are. Glad to hear you survived your little town and their small mindness. You are absolutely right you were pretty isolated for so long with being a mom and being there for your hubby with his tumor. You worry too much about labeling normal. You are so much more normal then you know. And you are dead wrong about being beautiful its so much more then looks. Looks will fade so your personality and attitude become more important as time goes on. Just try to stay in the best shape you can as long as you can. You are glowing ! Love ❤️ your humor! In telling your life stories. Merry Christmas and A Happy Healthy New Year with all the answers to all your questions about you.
physical attrition is a blessing and a curse. Especially teens who have not had parents that were loving. Getting any kind of attention can be a turn on even from people who are obviously narcissistic. You are absolutely correct. Another thing about premature sex is that it negatively affects women more than men because of the way hormones work. The biggest parallel between Christianity and psychology is forgiveness. My advice is to find a church outside of that town or online. Good luck with dealing with your past. You can break away from the past and move on.
You have a similar vibe to one of my metrosexual guy friends (who identifies as INTP under MBTI, in case you find that useful). He's quite likable. I imagine that you were likely also quite likable, and that that impacted how positively people responded to you. Especially guys.
Hi. I have watched a lot of your videos, and I love your channel. ... May I ask , why do you think it was so hard for you to learn basic social skills ?
(Sorry in advance for the long answer.) Because I had to learn them at a very late stage of my development. Other people pick up social skills as they grow up. With my kids right now, I know that they aren’t learning vital ABC skills in preschool and kindergarten. That’s not the point. The point is that they’re entering an environment full of people their age and being challenged to socialize with them. For me, starting at around the second grade, I began being challenged to devote massive amounts of energy to keeping myself safe in school. I was having attacks every day that I came into school, and I was being told these attacks were a result of some failure on my part. This meant it was somehow my responsibility to control and prevent them. They were exhausting, so by the end of them I really didn’t have energy to focus on school. I spent most of my time in the school playground alone on the swings because I didn’t feel good, and I wanted to be left alone. I was also dissociating a lot, although I had no way of knowing that at the time. When I was in high school a girl told me that I seemed like I had the social skills of an elementary school kid. Probably not the nicest thing she could’ve said, but there was a certain truth to it. In many ways I stopped developing socially in elementary school. When puberty started hitting everyone, that was another layer of complexity to the social development of my peer group- one that they all went through together while I just fell farther and farther behind. By the time I entered the dating market at 18, I discovered that I was playing a game I knew nothing about, and all the other players had already been practicing for years. How do you flirt with someone? What’s the right amount of eye contact to hold? And then there was the added stress of knowing that being ignorant of these unspoken social rules was taboo enough to disqualify me as a potential partner and elicit harsh judgment from the people around me. When you’re a kid learning social skills alongside your peers, there’s a lot more forgiveness for awkwardness, because you’re all learning together. (It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but there is.) When you’re an adult, there’s no forgiveness for mistakes. You should have learned this years ago, and it’s a personal failing on your part that you didn’t. I benefited from being female because most men are desperate enough for sex that they’ll ignore a woman’s obvious insanity in order to gain a temporary mating opportunity. But I was also aware of the fact that no one liked me enough to keep me around. So, the “temporary” atmosphere in strip clubs made a very good practice environment. Over time, with dedicated practice, I managed to catch up sufficiently to my peers. It never feels natural to me, and I tend to come across as very eccentric whenever I start to let my guard down. Sometimes, if I’ve developed enough social rapport beforehand, people even find that charming. But, yeah. That’s a very long-winded explanation of why it was more difficult for me than most to develop socially.
Believing in a faith is one thing, going to an organized church is totally different, quite often not barely resembiling the faith. Being not pretty does not describe what I see in you. Did he recover or did you and the kids loose him to the tumor?
He’s doing pretty well now. The tumor did a number on his body. They’re still trying to get him back in good health (we actually had an ER visit right after Christmas because of poor health issues) but it wasn’t a cancerous tumor, so he should be with us for many years to come.
I'm an older man who's been socially oblivious or at least behind the curve, for most of my life. You were and are pretty, and although it's been a few decades since I've been to a strip club, if I were to have met you in one, I'd have probably paid you to sit and talk with me, as your story is both interesting and complex. Hearing about the difficulties you've had in life makes me feel sad, and I suppose like most men my first instinct is to try and "fix" things, which I can't do for you. I'm getting better at listening though, and I admire the emotional strength you've shown.
Please be kind to the person in the mirror. "people like me don't deserve...socially awkward.... intelligence of a carrot...sick and tortured..." I never saw any of these negative things you talk about you in your previous videos and I watched most of them. I saw a confident, intelligent, beautiful and engaging person. What are you talking about?? sorry, but you need to forgive, let go and heal.
I’m telling the story of my life. It didn’t have a pretty beginning. I nearly died. I was pretty messed up by the time I got out of high school. I probably had PTSD. If I had just thrown my hands up at that point in my life and said, “oh well, I guess this is me” I would be in pretty bad shape right now, if not dead. Instead, I fought very hard to build a better life for myself. Being dissatisfied with yourself and your place in life isn’t always a bad thing. The dissatisfaction I dealt with in early adulthood drove me to become a better, stronger version of myself- someone I could be proud to become. I have a lot of people who try to tear me down because they look down on my past and assume that I must be garbage because of it. I want to argue that my past is the reason I have a sense of self respect. I carved my own sense of worth out in a world that was determined to tell me I had none.
I am a new comer, and am interested to learn more about whatever you post about As a newcomer, i don’t know if you have covered this But your marriage and family seem at odds with being trans. Not at all judging But if you feel to be a man…. It just does not seem logical that you would want to be married to a man and to be a wife and mother Just my thoughts. ❤❤❤
Oh? Yeah. Come to think of it, you’re very right. I really only figured out the autoandrophilia thing after the birth of our 4th child. Up until that point, I knew something was different about me, and I had absolutely no idea what. It was affecting the way I lived my life, but I didn’t know what it was, and I kept telling myself it would sort itself out over time. As far as being married to a man- there are people who are gay/lesbian who transition and are then able to live “straight” lives. Usually these people realize they’re transgender very early in life, and they tend to fit the stereotypical story we hear about what a transgender person’s life is like. But there’s a whole other subtype of transgender people called autogynephiles (in the case of biological males) and autoandrophiles (in the case of biological women). These people tend to transition later in life, and their feelings around their gender tend to be different. Many of them have gotten married by the time they realize they’re AGP/AAP, and they account for the stories you hear about “trans widows.” In my own case, I looked at my life and concluded that transitioning to male would involve many health-related problems I didn’t want to deal with. It would almost certainly end my marriage. And I can’t begin to imagine how disruptive it would be to my children. It seemed like too many sacrifices to make solely for the sake of autoandrophilic yearning. So, I decided to continue living my life more or less as I had been. I’m actually just now editing a video about the ways I live with my autoandrophilia, since I won’t be transitioning. But, yeah, I’m sure it’s confusing if you just happen to run across my videos and hear “transgender” and “wife/mother” all together with no context. Perhaps it’s easier to think of the trans part as more of a personality trait- I’m like a tomboy on steroids. I like to play with the guys, and work with the guys, and be one of the guys. Except when I want to be one of the guys I really, really wish I could be one of the guys. But, since wishes don’t make realities, I’m going to focus on living the best life I can with what I have, while also being very tomboyish lol
@@oakleavesandonions771 Thanks for taking the time to elaborate on your situation. Life certainly can take so many astonishing turns.. We typically seem to expect to have a “normal” life. We see those around us and they seem more or less normal. But, upon taking a closer look, it seems that our lives are each distinct like fingerprints. But in that reality, we exist with the paradoxical tension . of simultaneously seeking individuality, but also normality At some point you may, (or may not ) want to talk about how your sexual preferences may have evolved as your self understanding has changed . This is an aspect of the trans experience that i have not seen discussed Sending best wishes
@@oakleavesandonions771 The Irish novelist & Oxford philosopher Iris Murdoch described herself as a gay man in a heterosexual woman's body. She was one of the most insightful, balanced and sensible people I've ever read! Your own testimony and insights, along with @MrArdytube's question, reminded me of her.
Very interesting listening to your stories and life experiences. You are a very good storyteller (yes---this is a compliment). This picture of you @14:41 looks remarkably similar to someone I knew about 20 years ago. No, it was not at a strip club. We lost touch and went different directions. Would your first name happen to be Carrie? Just curious; highly doubt it - but resemblance is striking.
Nope. Not Carrie. I have a doppelgänger face. There’ve been a lot of times people tell me that they waved at me in the mall but I didn’t wave back, and I’m like, “I wasn’t in the mall.”
@@oakleavesandonions771 That's funny. Knew it was highly unlikely; but no harm in asking. Your content is very entertaining and enlightening. Although we're not, it feels as if we are having a natural conversation. Your world view and life experiences, especially from the perspective of an exotic dancer is interesting. Great content and delivery. Happy New Year!
