Provoked: Destroying the Idol of “Niceness” 

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I tell my mother this all the time. Kindness is different from niceness.

I struggle with niceness and politeness over honest kindness sometimes.

Who's ready for a Christian Renaissance?

Thomas Sowell once said: if you want to help others, tell them what they need to hear. If you want to help yourself, tell them what they want to hear. I strive to be a good man and not a nice one. Christ was not nice, but good. He turned over money changers tables and chased people out the temple with a buggy whip and spoke firmly about God's word.

This discussion was complete confirmation of things my adult children and I have recently discussed; however, this 'kindness' business is not just prevalent among the young. There are senior pastors who are concerned about membership numbers and preach Christless/Crossless sermons on topics like Destiny and Favor that do nothing for people spiritually.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your twins, Desi. My wife and I experienced the same thing a few years ago. Twin girls stillborn at 7 months. It was a traumatic experience, but God used that trauma to cause us to truly rely on Him, and brought us out of some false beliefs that we held to, and led us to accepting His sovereignty over our lives. Nonetheless, it still hurts to think about the loss, and I could even hear it in your voice. It is a pain that truly never goes away, but you are on the right path by taking it to God and giving it over to Him. In your time of mourning and weakness, He will strengthen you and hold you firmly to Him.

Great message!! Once I found my identity in Christ, opinions of others don’t hold the same value as they did before. I am still learning the difference of being nice and loving someone by telling them the truth. I have been a people pleaser my whole life. I have learned that people will always let us down, but Jesus Christ never will!

Our prayers are with you. Our daughter went to be with the Lord when she was 8 months old. Looking back 5 years we can see God's goodnes s and faithfulness.

This intro is slapping!

This is really good. I'm thankful for this ministry!

I'm thankful for Desi sharing her experiences and giving her insight in how to lay our grief at the Cross of Christ. God bless y'all.

I love seeing the ONElife folks on this intro. Powerful stuff and nicely done, Apologia! Keep it up. God is using your obedience for his glory and the good of the Church!

We need to care more for people's souls than their feelings. The gospel is an offence to the wicked but those who are ready will hear and respond.

nice is deceptive most people who are nice are really trying to get you to like them, it seems kind but its not kind is where you care for others, that's not trying to get anyone to like you but its a care for others, nice is being afraid of being disliked, kind is letting someone down, nice is from a selfish perspective and kind is from a selfless perspective, its why when the bible says being loving its start off with kind not nice but kind.

Yes and amen. A group that gets it.. very encouraging! Praying you all stay encouraged yourselves as you continue to share truth in love. Keep up the good work!! 💯

Doug Wilson said "It's not about whether or not someone is being NICE. It's about who they are being nice TO."

God, please continue to guide and provide for those of us native Californians, turned missionaries in our own home.

Desi, thank you for your recount of God's faithfulness in the valleys of life. You and your family will be in my prayers.

I really needed to hear this. Thank you.

Great discussion! Speak the truth in love.

Desi is blessed to have a church & pastor who supported her in her valley. My parents were Catholic & had their priest curse & swear at them when they asked for a requiem Mass for my 5 year old sister who died because the church stopped using the term requiem after Vatican 2. The priest's viciousness resulted in my Dad stop going to church altogether

I just started watching this episode. I’ve also bookmarked your “Cult of Effeminacy” to watch next. I think the two are closely linked, and a few years ago I tried explaining my concerns of feminine church to an elder of the church I went to previously. I didn’t convince him. I hope this helps.

Many of us struggle with a balance, but we must draw hard lines in the sand. Meek does not mean walking mat. There was no weakness in Christ, our example, or in His disciples. ✝️❤️✝️

Hi there, Thanks for the conversation. A drag queen story hour has been planned at a local library where I live in northern NH. The drag queen planning to promote his lifestyle to our local children has very disturbing and perverted pictures on his Instagram page. I have already emailed the library director and plan to email the trustees. Any suggestions on what to do? The local Christian community are fighting on our knees in prayer right now but praying for right action. God speaks of contention as not being righteous but the apostle Paul didn't mind being contentious for the right reasons...he was thrown in jail, flogged, beaten multiple times for saying things people hated. Could use advice.

Let’s Go with the TRUTH! And the TRUTH is the Word of God! And Jesus said “I came NOT to bring peace, but a SWORD! He also said that HIS MESSAGE would DIVIDE PEOPLE! That SWORD is THE WORD OF GOD which is the TRUTH! Amen!

Bless you Dezzie

Nice job brothers and sisters. In jesus name..🔥

Thanks

Blessings to you and your ministry 🙌

Excellent MESSAGE. ...the "Niceness Doctrine"

People say they love others, but do they really? Do they love them enough to tell them the truth?

The etymology of the word "nice" is to "not know, be ignorant or stupid".

Do you believe in calling out non believers specific sins or do you think we should tell the gospel and plant seeds and just address the truth about heaven and hell?

Tolerance is a virtue for those that lack conviction.

"Just say what the Book says!"

AMEN!

Love this ❤

When I was 3 years old I got out of the kiddie pool and jumped into the BIG pool, swam underwater to my birth mother. Realizing I could handle it, she allowed me to get into water over my head, literally and figuratively. Just see how your son handles being in the water without his floaty. He shouldn't be in the pool without supervision anyway, with or without his floaty, but if he can handle it, let him. It may save his life sometime. Don't be over protective.

3 While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. Thessalonians 5:3, or "searching out safety leads to evil"

Great episode

Being "nice" is an attitude -- it is something a person can choose to enact or resist. Being "kind" is a characteristic -- it is a part of one's being, and it is influenced by the Spirit. "Christians" are some of the "nicest" people I've ever met! 😉

16:10 or so. I didn’t get through the whole video yet, so if you eventually get there, my apologies for jumping the gun. The issue of being nice most definitely can be motivated by the desire to please men rather than God, just as you said. On the other side, I think it can also come from simply not knowing God. For example, some of these folks think their being a sweetheart helps God save people. They have a low or wrong view of God’s sovereignty over salvation and therefore believe they need to help him along by not being offensive. Thoughts?

The government has made alot of issues political when they are moral.

The opposite of love, is indifference. Thats another name for niceness possibly....the wounds of a friend......

Now you're speaking my language.

So me ( great discussion.

Behind the search for every idol lies the yearning for completion. To seek a special person (like Jesus) or a thing to "add" to you to make yourself complete can only mean that you believe some form is missing, and by finding this, you will achieve completion in a form that you like. This is the purpose of an idol, that you will not look beyond it to the source of the belief that you are incomplete.

I honestly wish my question will be answered: I completely agree with this video, thank you guys for sharing this. My question is, what do i respond to someone who i confront about their sin, being gay, abortion, etc, and they reply with, “well youre a sinner too so who are you to tell me what to do and what not to do?” I always get stuck there and dont know what to say. How can we tell other people not to sin when we are all sinners? No one is greater than the other, only God. Please if someone could help me with this I would greatly appreciate it! God bless you all❤️

Clearly; this "politically correct" niceness must not only be avoided when discussing the subject of what is now called "non binaries" but it must also delve into materialism; pride; adultery; fornication; murders; suicide and other things which we like to sugar coat or avoid discussion making people uncomforable. This is what can allow for a correct rebuke by those who advocate deviant behavior that church goers don't care about these sins whether it is in their personal lives; or the political associations we may have. I am not a post-millennialist; but will subscribe to one argument made by some in that camp: namely that the church has of late abrogated it's authority in the world to continue as salt and light and the promises made that the gates of hell won't prevail over the true church and other like scriptural assurance. Satan has been given more credit than he should in one sense. However; that being said the proactive things which Jeff Durbin; Vodie Baucham and other supported in the Reformed camp involve themselves in is commendable in that they see the gravity of the situation; and for some reason those that believe in a Tribulation and Millennial period before the end of this world don't seem nearly so quick to take the bull by the horns so to sepeak against abortion and other such evils in our land. Some of this is due to forgetting how much the Reformers had to suffer in their time to maintain a proper witness against both Catholicism and other pagan movements at the time. Those that adhere to their teachings have seen and emulated their examples for good in that sense. I am not one who likes to elevate Calvin or Luther in particular because of some behaviors were obviously not coming from good fruit in their lives. I hold to the teachings of the five points for instance because they are scriptural; not because I want to see a city ruled over like Geneva was by Calvin; or espouse the remarks about Jews that Luther quoted that Hitler later used in support of his rise to power to crush the Jews. That being said; as it is stated in this video; a spade is a spade. Our enemies are not flesh and blood but still we must understand and testify in our witness that we are all enemies of God and make it clear our sin nature as well as need for repentance. This "niceness" not only messes up new converts as to understanding the gravity of their state; but it also allows for grace to be a license for sin for many other confessing to have faith in Christ. That responsibility exists and all in a given church congregation whether laypersons; pastors; or any other title are to be held accountable. Discipleship in general is weak these days; as well as admonitions warning individuals that many are to fall away in these last days. The salvation message informing us of how we must count the cost if we wish to be His disciple; how not everyone who says "Lord, Lord" is saved and other like warnings are sadly lacking in many churches as well. We need to always be aware of the seriousness of sin whether yet to be part of His Body or a believer for many years. After all judgment begins in the house of God. Assurance of salvation and the necessity to produce good fruit indicating genuine faith are not mutually exclusive. Our theology may be correct but we still may not be saved; I have raised eyebrows in the past among Reformed circles stating this; as well as saying if someone is only a 4 point calvanist as a pastor of mine was it doesn't mean they are going to hell. They are misinformed though; I do believe that. The big picture is that somehow those who are spiritually blinded can look at Christ and perhaps the Sermon on the Mount and think they can be peacemakers in their own strength. We are; of course to cause division among our own family members as Christ promised over our faith; but as you state hostility without love isn't effective even if truth is preached. It is His Spirit that should cause the world to be turned upside down; but sadly many don't want to allow that to happen. That in my mind is a good acid test for many of today's so called miracles. I am not a cessationist but my point is that IF something is a genuine miracle it will be accompanied by persecution and blasphemy as Christ himself had to endure. After all; in the Book of Acts all the hoopla over Diana was largely attributed to the economic loss over the event; as it was in the pigs which dove into the sea. That can be seen with the fortune teller who Paul rebuked who was possessed yet telling the truth as to the way to find salvation. We should be warned by Ananias and Sapphira as well; the prosperity preachers make their sin look like chump change with the filthy lucre and methods of obtaining it. Again; NICENESS and flattery often are used to get what they want in the prosperity preaching world.

Nice guys finish last is the same concept behind no good deed goes unpunished. Its not about simps, but literally being nice isn't rewarding for men. Biblically, meekness means controlled strength (and gentle means the same thing). You could beat someone's face in meekly, ie stop when appropriate. The women caught in adultery cannot honestly be said to be part of the bible. But even then it cannot be, 'dont follow the law'; which is how people read it, if they admit it or not. Instead, its that they WERE NOT following the law. So the requirement for such a thing was not met,; you need two/both parties, etc.

Can you post the link or other information for the Voddie Baucham clip you played? I would like to watch the whole sermon. 🙏

Could we see a video with Jeff Durban vs a Catholic?

"The only reason we believe other peoples lies is so that they'll believe ours." Nice Guyz are't nice. It's a manipulation technique and they're actually upset because they aren't getting what they want/need out of relationships. Like 'Sye' from One Hour Photo...

Where can we find that sermon in full?

Help me i struggle with this

Why is Rich under the floor in Dr James white truck???????? 😭😭

Those pictures are so brutal 🥺😣

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. The fruit of the Spirit is NOT niceness

How can you sincerely in your heart feel love for a person that commit and evil act( evil according to the Bible)? I cannot, I try And pray and try. So if you have any way to do so please tell me.

Voddie Baucham says the 11th Commandment is be nice

Honest Question: How do we reconcile Voddie's take on not being too "nice" and his take on not being "cage stage" either. Because it seems that anytime someone stands firmly for ALL of God's truth, they are often reprimanded and accused, by those who are nice and lukewarm, of being too "cage stage"...even by some who claim to be Calvinists!!

Question ❓.. if man is a sinner himself then how can we tell another man about his sin. What if he clacks bak with that

What does Voddie call the man made 11th commandment? ‘Thou Shalt Be Nice’ 😁

Nothing says unadulterated debate than a real debate with Dawkins, Harris, Shermer, Aron Ra, Dillahunty Gervais, etc. Ya know a debate of substance not purposely substandard in favor of Durban, all around. Gawd I’d pay to thus kind of reall, I mean real debate.

I think anyone who claims to be a nice person is a works-based individual. Sadly, that's about 99% of conservative church goers, conservative pastors and elders.

What’s the difference between gentleness and niceness cause I don’t know how to differentiate the two I guess

What? You guys dont know about the 11th Commandment "Thou shall be nice."

Again another word hijacked. Just because I disagree with you doesn’t mean I’m confronting you. We can debate, discuss, try to persuade. We may still disagree but it’s not confrontational. Nice means general kindness not totally agreeable 100% of the time. I am a nice person but I will disagree with you and support my position objectively, and I have no concern if you define me as confrontational. Love involves frank speech. Deal with it.

Ma'am all Street Preacher's are jerks and do it wrong?Maybe you play it safe and stay in the church I don't know. But go in the hood and or heavy Drug use and crime areas. I didn't think so.... God Bless Love your show ..

Revelation ch.18:24NKJV"And in her was found the blood of prophets and saints, and of all who were slain on the earth.” Christendom has a long history of forcing their false Christ on unbelievers and other believers by force of arms, John Calvin for instance was a murdering thug. That's why many are concerned about "Christian" fundamentalism. It's not Just about adherents of Christendom's Churches speaking up in a forthright way about their beliefs.

I think we’re all just rejecting American falsity and double-mindedness which we’re infamous for across the pond. The whole “sure come over some time!” (with fingers crossed that they won’t) attitude. As someone who was certain that those snobbish Europeans were ignorant of our real virtues and too harsh about American cultures before I lived in several European countries for years, please consider that you’re maybe criticizing a culture in this. In other words, I think you’re doing sociology more than theology here.

These pastors won’t offend because it’s all about nickels and noses 😒

Skillet? Really?

I Corinthians 13 ~ Read it. Often. Before you go out to do whatever you do. Jesus met people’s needs before presenting any words of wisdom. I am totally disagreeing with your methodology…

Many of us struggle with a balance, but we must draw hard lines in the sand. Meek does not mean walking mat. There was no weakness in Christ, our example, or in His disciples. ✝️❤️✝️