r/AITA For Demanding My Siblings' Inheritance? 

Story 3 with the Divorced dad and the daughter's hair. He clarified in an edit that he IS learning to care for her hair. The ex wasn't willing to teach him while they were together or after the divorce. For once it seems like it wasn't willful incompetence, just a divorced dad in over his head asking for help.

I went about 18 years unaware that my hair was actually curly and dealt with insane frizz before cutting it all off. I watched my friend in college dedicate a solid portion of her morning routine to taking care of her super tight curls with special products. Curly hair is *no joke* to the point that hair stylists can specialize in it, and frizzy hair is a nightmare for a little kid. I'm on the dad's side. He tried, asked the teacher for advice, and even bought all the product for the teacher to use when she volunteered.

Story 3: I'm a black women with 4c hair. I have a hard time with my hair and it took me years just to find out what my hair needed. My family used to force relaxers in my hair until I was 14 and wanted to go natural. I continued getting relaxers after just because I struggled so much. If I had someone who could guide me back then, I would have cried. Op is NTA in my opinion. It really can be really hard to navigate. I still get it wrong and I'm almost 30 .

Story 3: NTA, RSlash had a very bad take on this topic As a black woman with type 4 hair, curly and coily hair is very difficult to take care of. There are many factors that go into proper hair care for curly hair. For example like hair porosity, tenderness of the scalp, and density. Finding products that take care of and actually work for curly hair can take a long time, which is why so many people spend years or even decades on their natural hair journey. Additionally, watching videos does not always work because everyone’s hair is different (especially curly hair) and hair is going to react differently to different products. I actually commend the father for asking for help because I have experienced and witnessed too many horror stories of parents not properly taking care of their child’s curly hair which causes their hair to mat up and break off. I genuinely hope that the father is taking the tips from the teacher so that he can gain enough confidence in doing his daughter’s hair.

Story 3: Here's something people need to understand as a person with badly curly hair. IT HURTS TO COMB/BRUSH IT WRONG! If you're doing the hair, you'd better be damn sure you're doing it right cuz it's pure torture to try combing through when you don't know what you're doing. I know this because my mother would do my hair and wouldn't care that it was actively hurting me while she did it. So I don't blame the dad for asking for help or having the teacher do it until he's confident enough. It's better for the kid because that shit made me never want to comb through my own hair at the age of 24. NTA

Story 1, you know what’s greedy? Having a child that is supposed to have no other purpose in life besides being her older sister’s babysitter

Story 2: I don't want to give a judgement purely because I want to know what the older daughter said to the younger one. Op was very vague about... pretty much everything 17 was doing, and while I get the whole "didn't mention it cause it's not relevant" argument, I literally can't give a proper answer unless I know what exactly went down. Was this a case of genuine bullying or was it a case of 17 saying something vaguely rude cause she was in a bad mood and 13 exaggerated to make her look bad? She's staying out late, her grades are slipping, and she's seemingly angry all the time, something's going on with her and I don't want to fully call someone an AH unless Op gives more info which I doubt they'll ever do.

For the third story, its totally absolutely normal to have someone else do curly hair. I have super curly hair and contrary to what you said it CAN be rocket science. Its literally my hair and I despise having to take care of it some days. He made sure it got done by someone who was more experienced in the hair type his daughter had. It honestly was very responsible of him, especially because trial and error can REALLY mess up hair.

Story 3: I’m a biracial woman who, as a child, was largely raised by my white mom who had no idea how to take care of my super thick, super curly hair. On top of that, in the 90s, the beauty ideal was long straight hair, so there was very little education, products, or support for hair like mine outside of the chemicals used to make it completely different. My mom’s solution was to take me to a stylist frequently enough to get some semblance of control over it. Nowadays, there are so many more resources available for hair like mine - RU-vid, as you mentioned, but also many more professionals with the appropriate training and readily available drugstore brand products. COULD the dad educate and prepare himself to tackle the challenge on his own? Undoubtedly. But at the same time, I harbor no shame for someone who legitimately feels like he’s in over his head and sees his more experienced teacher as the lifesaver she OFFERED herself to be. I personally think the ex-wife is in the wrong for judging the dad for finding a solution that… I don’t know, is less “honorable” than hers? It smacks of “I’M the better parent because I did it all myself”. Like those people who judge you because you don’t make meals from scratch or look down at you for hiring a maid instead of cleaning your house yourself. Utilizing a “professional” (in this case, a teacher with far more experience that, again, OFFERED to assist) in an area you either have no knowledge or no energy to address is Not Something To Be Ashamed of when your ultimate goal is making sure that area is taken care of to the best of your ability. Hair isn’t all the same, and I commend OP for looking out for his daughter’s needs in what he (appropriately) felt was the best way he had to offer.

Hey r/slash, just wanted to point out that OP in the 3rd story was asking for help from the teacher, she gave him a list of hair products to get along with giving him pointers to learn as he would take his daughter in early so he can stay as long as he could to watch and learn how to do her hair.

Story 2: The concern I have with this is that Rslash is making massive assumptions about OP and the spending habits he has for his daughters. How do we know that OP didn’t buy the 17yo clothes or a car or something to the effect of 10k or more? Calling someone a princess type isnt an insult if that person maybe prefers jewellery and fancy clothes over horses.

Story 1: Not going to lie, I was thinking that OP was being greedy at the beginning. She’s not, she is right on the money. The estate would help her take care of her sister.

It's always the daughter that is responsible for caring for the grandparents, siblings, and parents. I feel that some families have daughters so they can ensure someone will take care of them.

Story 4: I can only hope that the daughter stays away or stays hidden in her western area of choice. I am only guessing because of the head covering, but I've seen quite a few stories of devout Muslims having a girl killed for this exact reason as she "brought shame to the family." I also hope the OP is okay because she knowingly facilitated the actions.

Rslash: "I don't like to speculate" Also Rslash: "I have to wonder if maybe there aren't ultra sinister motives in every single story I read" I think the vacation was probably a good idea, because he seems super jaded and cynical.

story 2: The harshness of the punishment was specifically because the older daughter was allegedly bullying the younger. It's a dick move to (partially) break a promise, but, depending on what happened between the daughters, it might've been deserved.

Rslash: I dont like to speculate. Rslash: Speculates about every story.

Story 3- I was raised in a family of women, who all have hair just like described. I have had to deal with it my whole life, and even now I cannot fully do the hair. I have watched tutorials and everything, I just can't do it. Op also said he's staying to learn which means he's actually trying. I don't see how he's weaponizing anything in this. It kind of seems like everyone is just really against him as a father.

Story 3: It sounds like OP is not *just* having the teacher do the hair, but also learning some along with the process, and the child is also learning how to take care of her own hair. The teacher also offered to help, so it's not his fault. I think that by accepting help, it's going to be better in the long run. There could be some nuance here in some bias, but I can't call him an Asshole just for allowing his daughter to get help with her hair.

Story 3: I think Rslash was coming from a good place but, he is just a bit naive to the upkeep of other cultures hair types. It definitely is not easy to just look up how to take care of very curly hair and figure it out right away. Most people need to be taught on how to take care of coily hair.

The curly hair story, to play Devil's Advocate for one second here... I have very curly hair and so does my mom. As a kid, even my mom struggled to keep my hair from being a frizzy mess; it just happens. Now, are there WAY better products these days than 25 years ago when I was a child? Yes. And the teacher told the dad to buy those. What I'm hoping happens is the teacher shows the dad a few styles and what to do, and then says "Okay, it's on you, the PARENT, now. Step up."

Story 3 - I disagree, some curly hair is extremely difficult to work with and in fact can be easily damaged if not done correctly. I think the dad is being really responsible by finding someone who knows what they're doing. He's still buying all of the products and making sure that the teacher is given enough time to do it. He's not being entitled or lazy, he's just recognizing his weaknesses and making sure his daughter is still cared for. Great dad, 0/5 bad guys.

Story 3: I had to listen a second time just to be sure. As a father with a curly haired daughter, I can relate. My wife left for a week, and I attempted to learn how to handle her hair... and yea it's really hard. So I can understand the dad reaching out for help. Asking the teacher, in my opinion, is reasonable. And from the information given, it does appear the teacher was willing to help (not coorsed) and is giving him some tips to help the dad out. Here is something to think about. What if the dad went to a saloon instead? It is sort of the same thing only difference is that it's not a trained professional. Why is it so important that the father is the on to do the hair? Yes, this can be a good quality for a father to learn, but you shouldn't judge a person harshly, because they struggle to learn a skillset that people go to school for.

Story 2: If I misbehaved as a child, my punishment was always picking up sticks from the yard because I HATED it. Rslash's take here is bizarre. It's not the end of the world. Like, what better punishment could they have given her? Would you rather them spank her? Go out in the yard and pick out her own switch to get whipped with?

Story 4 sounds like Pakistan or rural India sadly (hear this stuff out of Pakistan a lot though India has made improvements to tackle this). I truly hope OPs daughter is in 1 of the countries like the UK with laws protecting women from being forced back into their home countries into these situations. OP could also possibly apply for asylum elsewhere, as this would mean she is in danger in her home country due to helping a female relative escape. If she can, she should try to convince her husband she will try to talk their daughter home, leave, and then immediately apply for asylum as her life could be in danger over this. As for the dad, "family man" not really, women are still viewed as property in their culture it seems given she explicitly says they would find her a husband, meaning that it would be an arranged marriage. Nah fuck that noise.

Story 3- I actually disagree, some people have genuine difficulty figuring things out, hair is hard to figure out for men, so I totally get it, I don’t think it’s any different than taking the daughter to a salon, he’s not offloading responsibilities, he’s making sure his daughter is comfortable, he’s not a bad father, he’s a very good one.

I agree with what everyone is saying about Story 3 - I have curly hair myself when neither of my parents do (recessive gene) and it took over a decade of trying products and styles for me and my mother to learn to manage it. This dad is trying his best, and it’s not as if he asked the teacher to do it every day - he asked her for tips and products so he could do it himself and SHE offered to do his daughter’s hair. He’s not offloading any responsibility onto her that she didn’t ask for, at least for the time being. OP is trying his best, but learning takes time - would his ex-wife rather their daughter have a rats nest ever other week?!

Man I'm glad rSlash is taking a break cause this takes are really wild and off

Story one: It's not her responsibility to take care of her sister. She isn't her parent and she's only 23. She was very reasonable about sharing the care with her brothers and getting the estate to make it easier. Poor sister, I hope she gets the help she needs after those parents pass and doesn't end up in a home.

I have very tight curly hair, and like it's a chore to take care of, with my hair at least it can take a while to get it done, and I actually know how to take care of it. So long as the dad in story 3 is starting to learn how to do it I think he's doing a good thing. It's better the teacher does it rather than him damaging her hair

Story 3: I totally disagree as a black girl with 4c hair it has to be taken care of the right way. My dad tried to take care of it one day and it was the most painful hair experience ever and he was even watching videos on it. & if you don’t know what you’re doing it can be a stress/painful experience. I think the teacher doing her hair before school is amazing, I wish I had a teacher that could’ve helped when my mom was in the hospital

Last story, the dad isn't really mad about the head covering, he's mad that his daughter is no longer under his thumb so he can sell her off in an arranged marriage.

I am glad rSlash is taking a break, because he is being overly harsh in story 3. OP did nothing wrong, he didn't go to the teacher and said "HEY, FROM NOW ON, YOU DO MY DAUGHTER HAIR, OKAY?" He asked for help, and she did! She gave him a list of products and tips in how to help taking care of her hair, and he is compling. Heck, I just started seriously taking care of my hair at 18/20, so I think learning it now is great! "But there is so many videos on RU-vid!" Yeah, do you know how much of them worked for me? None. The routine and products I use for my hair now was recommended by a hairstylist I know and, fortunately, it worked. Like, hair it's complicated, it's harder than it looks to find videos about hairstyles that matches my own hair, and have the patience to do so. Like, there is days I am willing to spend half an hour brushing my hair, others I just do a 5 minute job and decide to suck up a probably bad hair day (which actually doesn't happen much, my hair just doesn't get much shape). Like, even my mom who has curly hair, our hair is completely different, so what works for her won't necessarily work for me (Mine is 3B/C and my mom is 4C). Another example, me and my sister have the same hair type and mostly use the same products, but for some forsaken reason, a product I was using I started to develop? an allergic reaction to. And my sister didn't. I developed dandruff and it took me months to get ride of it, and my sister didn't have anything. I will say that the only thing I agree is giving the Teacher some extra money, because taking care of a student's hair isn't her job, but she is doing it anyway, bless her heart

Story 2: Albeit he went against a promise he made by dishing off the younger daughter’s responsibility to the older one…i feel like its fair because this was a punishment stemmed directly from her bullying her younger sister

Story 4: That mother SAVED the daughter. She could have grown up to be forced a life she didn't want like the mother, but she gave her daughter the opportunity to live a life she wanted. I feel so horrible for the mother that she can't live that life herself, since I'm assuming the way she talked about the money means her husband is probably the only one making real money, so she wouldn't be able to live on her own. The mother is a hero.

Story 1: the brothers seem to remember the "women's role" but forget that the "man's role" is to protect themselves and and their family from harm so that also includes supporting the op and her sister

Story 2: I agree that Older Daughter is acting out because of her parents pending so much on Younger Daughter and not her. At the same time, a punishment is a punishment, you are meant to be punished for what you did, so do this one horrible chore for one week. If this didn't give off Golden Child vibes, I'd say the Mother is NTA. Right now, it's a solid NMI.

Disagree on story 3, my parents got divorced and I was 10,my mom always did my hair because I had stimulation problems, but after I got 90% custody with dad and yeah, of course it turned to a mess. I ended up getting gum in it and dad had to cut it all off. The kid would be much better utilized learning from someone with those skills, RU-vid is not reliable source of info for how to manage hair because what works for 1 kind of hair doesn't work for another. The goal here is to provide, make sure she is OK, and encourage the kid to learn what teacher is showing her. It's gonna have to happen eventually anyway but there's just so much involved and we don't know if there is stimuli issues, I certainly didn't know how to articulate that even at 10 years old.

One of the things my parents were adamant about was that their children were to have their own lives, and were not to be sacrificed to care for them if they became frail. Both of them ended up in nursing homes for a few months before their deaths. We visited frequently (except for Covid lockdowns) but we would not have been able to care for them at home. Knowing that we had that freedom of opportunity without expectation was a blessing.

Story 2: almost forgot.... why did the daughter get 0 out of 5? The school grades dropping, staying out late, and constant disrespect is part of the story, her actions are the direct result of this story.

Okay, story 3: I STRONGLY have to disagree. My fiancee has curly hair. It's insanely curly but enough that she buys special products for it. Her daughter has even curlier hair. I've watched my fiancee take care of her daughter's hair and I'm always worryied that she's hurting the kid. But she has to do it the way she does so it doesn't become a tangled mess and even more impossible. People with straight hair (like me, and I'm assuming you, rSlash) have absolutely no idea what it's like to hair naturally curly hair much less care for it. OP was probably hesitant to ask the teacher, but the teacher graciously agreed to do so. Why? BECAUSE SHE KNOWS WHAT A PAIN IN THE ASS IT IS. "He could look up stuff online, watch some RU-vid videos!" Yeah, he could but that not always a good way to learn and he could still end up hurting the kid. He wants to avoid that because he loves her. Meanwhile, he found someone willing to help, it's only an extra half hour (and let me tell you, that's a short period of time to keep curly hair from becoming a mess), and the daughter doesn't seem to have a problem with it. Yes, he could find a hairdresser that specializes in curly hair and maybe he should have. But that's way less impersonal. I think OP's ex is the one that has the problem here, trying to say he doesn't care. Also... Maybe OP is sweet on that teacher...?

RSlash, I grew up in a single father household and the only advice I was given to maintain any hair longer than a 1/4 inch was to “comb it”. I don’t know how to even describe my hair so shopping for products to care for it is difficult and I don’t even know where to start on finding information. The fact that the father in story 3 actually tried and is seeking help from the teacher is quite commendable rather than leaving it the tangled mess that the op had described, and I think the Ex is being unfair in her calling him a bad father for changing the routine by 30 minutes. So TLDR, I disagree with your take for story 3

Story 2 NTA. She was bullying her younger sister, on purpose, and was actively starting to slip up in her own life AND with family rules. The promise was that cleaning the horse stalls would never be her permanent chore. This is not permanent and it’s not a chore, it’s a punishment. The sister deserves it.

Story 4 Mom: I hope that your daughter gets citizenship in that country and that she can help you get a visa to stay with her

Last story: I get the feeling OP wishes she could have had the life she gave her daughter with "the life I could never have" comment. Also the fact she was 18 marrying a 29 year old...

Story 3: OP's ex is a horrible parent, she left and now she's using anything she comes by to insult OP. I'd seriously love anybody who says that OP is lazy to try to do hair as said, It's not easy, no matter how many RU-vid tutorials you use, OP actually asked his ex to tell him how to do it but she refused, why? Because she is a b*tch who clearly just wants an excuse to insult her ex. OP is deffinetley not lazy, he quite clearly states that he tried on many occasions. Doing hair is hard, he is deffinetley not lazy because he cannot do it. That's like saying that a secretary is lazy because she cannot do the accountant's job, because cOuNtInG iS eAsY, well maybe she's bad at maths, but that doesn't make her lazy.

Story 3: NTA . The dad mentioned that his daughter has curly hair, which is a little more difficult for people to work with. A dad that doesn’t have the same hair type and wasn’t previously doing his daughter’s everyday would be at a disadvantage. However, he also mentioned he TRIED and it was a mess. If that is true, why fault him for trying? Also, paying for someone to do your child’s hair is better than sending his child to school with hair that is tangled/matted (which matted hair is used as a sign of neglect). Yes, he can still learn more and try but… what’s the difference of paying for her to go to the salon? Are parents that pay for a service for their child putting their parenting responsibilities off? I just see it as him using his money for a service his daughter needs that he couldn’t do himself.

I feel like we need to acknowledge that in the last story OP was eighteen when she got married but her husband was twenty nine. That severely changes the story. She was still barely not a child and he was a full grown man, that power dynamic is extremely unhealthy and puts more light on the post itself

I feel bad for the mom in the last story. She's stuck in this marriage where she has to hide her beliefs and pretend to be religious. A marriage built on lies is not a good one, so I hope she either gets a divorce or talk it out with the husband, though based on his conservatism OP has to play around in the story, that's not gonna happen. I'm really glad OP was able to help her daughter live her life as she wants even while she couldn't save herself.

First story: if the sister is going to require lifelong care, then they should put their entire estate into a trust, where OP is the executor of the trust, and in charge of managing disbursements to cover care expenses. 1.5 out of 5 “Bad Guys” for the parents for not ensuring the lifelong care of their child that needs it.

Story 1: If the parents expect the youngest girl to take care of the older girl then YES she deserves the inheritance so she is financially able to take care of her older sibling. If the boys don't help then they don't deserve anything other than minimum and sentimental. I cannot stress this enough, It is HARD to care for another adult that cannot care for themselves. I know this because I went through it with my own Mother for 10 yrs before she passed. I could not get a job, I could not go out to any kind of entertainment i.e. movie, theme park, zoo, science museum, any free event. I was complete care for her, from cooking her meals, to lifting her onto the commode, taking care of making sure she cleaned herself properly and then doing it myself when she couldn't and applying ointment when needed, not to mention taking care of her wounds from her scratching herself (itching) and her surgeries, and reassuring her when she would get anxious or frightened for whatever reason. We were only living off of her retirement, SSI and my own daughters SSD and we only had enough money to take care of the bills and absolute bare minimum household necessities. Do NOT underestimate that the girl in the first story needs the inheritance to take care of her older sisters needs and the parents SHOULD set up the inheritance so that the older sibling IS cared for and not just foist it off on their youngest daughter and rely on her and insurance and what State funding she can get because that is the barest minimum. It is the parents responsibility to set up a trust for their oldest child so that she can have good care and good quality of life and if that entails giving all of the inheritance in a trust to her with the youngest sibling as POA and Caretaker then that is what they should do. Not rely solely on the youngest child to take care of the oldest with no financial backing because that is just wrong and the youngest sibling should be allowed to have her own life and dreams. She should not have been born to live her life as a Nurse and Caregiver to her oldest sibling. I don't ... I hope the parents didn't think that would happen to their youngest child when she was born however that is what they are doing to her now. I know that you want and try to be fair in your opinions about each of the stories you read, however, there are some circumstances, some experiences that I don't believe you understand the entire scope of. You have stated as such in other videos. Unfortunately, for this first story you are wrong. The parents inheritance should not be divided equally in this case and should be put into a trust for the eldest sibling's care and the other siblings, including the youngest, should get the sentimental items of property their parents state they can have. If a child cannot care for themselves it is the responsibility of the parent to set up their end of life to make sure the child will have a good quality of life after they are gone. If not then they should never have had children to begin with. Harsh but true. If something were to happen to you and your wife (God forbid cause I would miss your reditt retellings and opinions. Yes selfish I know.) does it not fall upon you to set up something in your will or create a trust to make sure that your daughter is taken care of in all ways until she can be a healthy independant adult? Yes I know, TLDR. But this is just my opinion. Keep the reditt stories coming, I love them. ❤

Story 2: NTA I totally disagree, the older daughter was literally bullying the younger daughter, so I think it's completely fair to make the older daughter do the younger's responsibility as punishment to bullying her

Story 3: I think as long as he's making an effort to learn from the teacher, then he's fine. He said that he tried to figure it out but couldn't get it right. Maybe he tried looking at youtube, maybe not, but I think he's a good father for asking for help. On the condition that he listens to the teacher's advice and learns how to do it himself, having the teacher help in the meantime is a great idea.

"It's hair, not rocket science." He is seriously undermining just how difficult it is to take care of curly hair. I'm not saying it is rocket science, but as someone who has curly hair myself, it's a pain in the ass to maintain. Ffs, I cut my hair short so it's easier for me to take care of. Even when I try to style it myself, I still mess up, so I just stick with simple styles or just put it up.

Story 3: Ex-wife is the A for not helping her ex-husband understand the best way to care for their daughter's hair. You want him to use RU-vid techniques in a trial and error method, possibly hurting their daughter or messing up her hair, instead of just telling him "This is what works?"

So many repeats! Story 2: this is roughly how my generation was raised. Actually, I vaguely remember being punished like this. And honestly, that's not a very bad punishment. If anything, it fits the crime. You treated your sibling badly, you get one of their chores. My sisters and I had a punishment system when we were younger made by our parents: The Job Jar. Slips of paper were shuffled and shaken inside a coffee bucket. Each slip of paper had a chore in it that was not on our chore list. The one we dreaded the most was either cleaning the bathrooms or cleaning the baseboards. For a while, there was a "mercy" slip; but it was taken out because we managed to cheat the system and always get that slip. But, yeah. The parents in this story were technically fair. (Don't get me started on parents breaking promises though. That's a list I don't want to go over.)

A 29 year old has no business even DATING an 18 year old, much less MARRYING one. That already set my alarm bells off during the last story, and it only got worse from there Edit to add that I went to the original post on Reddit and according to OP, her husband is so unhappy with their daughter staying in the west to work that he’s asking relatives and friends to try and track her down so that they can “talk.” The daughter can’t have social media because of this and had a hard time applying for jobs because she was afraid of using even LinkedIn. I’d say the husband is definitely into AH territory at that point. Also, OP’s daughter hopes that she’ll be able to secure citizenship in her current country, and thus be able to sponsor a visa for OP to move there also and live with her, to which OP seems to be on board with as well. Make of that what you will.

Last story: rSlash, yes you can begrudge him, the husband is being backwards and wants his daughter to be submissive and basically as miserable as his wife is. I really hope that now that OP kids are grown up she can find a way to get rid of that guy...she should try to save some money and leave her country to start somewhere else (her daughter may be able to help her)...as for her son although he was exposed to western culture IDK if he`ll be able to breakaway from his upbring...

I gotta say I’m glad rslash is taking a vacation. I’ve been watching his videos for 4 years, this is the first time where I’ve agreed with only 1 out of 4 of his AITA takes

Story 3: as someone who has wild curly hair the dad was right in the story Like I took me years to finally learn how to take care of my hair. I watched video and I look for tips for my hair. I literally had to cut my hair shorter so it's easier to take care of. That dad did the right thing by taking her to someone who knows what their doing And don't ppl take their kids or themselves to a salon? Is that "no caring"?

Yeah, no, I have to disagree on Story 3. If he constantly messes up her hair, she might get bullied for it. Him asking for help is pretty much the best he can do for her. The only way I can see a 0.5 B-Score for him is if he doesn't make it up to the teacher in some way.

Story 1: I completely agree with you, you make the least amount of money yet you're the one who's going to be the sole care giver with equal amount of the chair at your brother's who won't be doing anyting. I would take the foot down option, either you get all the estate to take full-time care of your sister, or she gets all of the estate so they can arrange for her to be completely taken care of. I took out the other option because after that reaction I do not trust your brother's to make good on that deal.

for the third story, im with the dad. I've lived with curly hair for 25 years and I still don't know how to properly control it. he will need to learn how to do it eventually, but right now he is getting help during a hard time.

I did want to mention real quick; owning horses doesn’t always mean that one is rich. It sometimes just means they’re good at managing money for their hobbies (I say this, as someone who grew up in a poor house who had horses as a hobby) So that family may not be super well off, it may just be that whoever is doing finances for that house is doing them DAMN well. Additionally, a well and true horse girl tends to be VERY rough and tumble LOL

Story 4: “Can I really begrudge the guy for having a religion and forcing it on others?” I CAN! *[raises hand, waves it high]* I CAN! I CAN BEGRUDGE HIM!!

Honestly, of all the various types of animal feces I have cleaned over the years; horse poop is one of the easiest ones. It’s usually all in one pile, you literally use a six foot pole to handle it, and the smell is the least unpleasant.

You absolutely can begrudge a father for getting mad at his daughter for not adhering to the religion that he grew up in. It's a very clear indicator that the father doesn't recognize his daughter as being their own individual capable of making their own decisions.

Another possibility on story 1 is the parents know the brothers would just stick her in a home and let her rot if they got guardianship, so they are hoping by forcing it on her she'll actually have family around.

I'm actually in a similar boat to the first story. My brother has special needs, but my parents have actually gone out of their way to tell me that in their will I'm getting everything, and they will leave it up to me to figure out how to distribute stuff to him as I see fit. My brother and I are really close though, like I bought a house so that we can both live together for example, plus my parents have made it clear that I am under no obligation to take care of my brother and that I should live my life as I see fit. It just so happens that the way I want to live my life involves taking care of my brother. I mean, he is my brother. I love him and stuff, why would I not want to take care of him?

Story 3: just want to point out it’s none of the exs business what OP does during his time with their daughter. The girl is getting taken care of. Awesome dad 10/10 would recommend

Story 3. RSlash, buddy, pump the breaks here. The man is getting HELP. The man ASKED for help, the teacher gave it, and he is utilizing it. It sounds like the ex wife is mad because the husband isn't doing things her way. He's not pawning off responsibilities, she's framing it in a way where it looks like he's a bad dad.

Story 3: RSLASH NO!!!!! Curly hair is VERY easily damaged. Yes, he can and definitely should RU-vid/research, that said, it's a good thing that he's got someone who's helping her because if you care for it wrong it can hurt or become damaged to the point of needing to chop it all off in order to salvage it. I agree he needs to do his research, especially now since he does have help but it's a good thing he has help rn

Story 3: I am a daughter of a single father and have EXTREMELY curly and difficult to deal with hair. It took me 20 years to figure out how to care for it, youtube videos and all. If I had a teacher who had been willing to do it for me I would have greatly preferred this and my dad did his best but it often broke my hair and make me cry every morning for years. It really depends on how difficult her hair is to deal with in my opinion.

Story 2: NTA. They’ve never made the older daughter do it as a chore, and were true to their promise. It’s more than a fair punishment. 17 year old female, princess personality and she’s doing poorly in school and staying out late? Seems like she’s also breaking commitments, and promises herself for it to get to the point her parents make her do something she truly hates.

Story 3: The dad is not being incompetent. He said he’s learning. Learning to take care of textured/curly hair isn’t easy. There’s a lot of trial and error to see what works best for your hair. If you do the wrong thing, you could damage your hair. I think his ex is the butthole in this situation. She could have given him some tips instead of complaining.

Story 3 A father of a daughter with curly hair, I understand OP and congratulate you on asking for help. OP NTA, the daycare teacher, gets the super rare 4.5 out of 5 Good scale for helping out. He asked for help with something that most guys struggle with, and that's girls' hair. The mother gets 0.5 out of 5 bad guys for dipping her nose in where it doesn't belong, as long as the daughter hair is going done and looking cute who cares if it's father or someone who he deems better qualified too do this. If they have a arrangement let it be.

Story 2: I'm going to point this out. The details are in the wording. The parents, at least with the info we have to go off of did not promise the older daughter anything. They told it wasn't something she'd have to deal with. The SISTER made the promise. Not the parents, the sister did. They warned her to shape up, she didn't, she is paying for her actions. OP is currently NTA, but also feel like more is indeed missing from the picture. Story 3: Go to RU-vid to try to figure out something you don't understand. Curly hair is not as simple as you seem to think it is and if the teacher offered after being asked, he isn't unloading and maybe he is trying to figure it out. OP is NTA because if he messed it up is could cause more issues for his daughter.

Story 2: The daughter was being mean to her younger sister and a slacker. A punishment shouldn't have to be fun.

Story 3: Depending on how curly his daughters hair is, it may be in his best interest to get some help. It’s pretty easy to ruin textured hair when you don’t know what you’re doing. I appreciate that he seems to be getting some outside help, but he should figure it out himself eventually.

Story 3: If you don't have curly hair or know someone with very curly hair then you can't understand how painful it is to comb/brush it wrong. My sister could tell you that it's absolute torture. The father states that he's getting advice and slowly learning more from the teacher (who OFFERED to do the child's hair unprompted by the way, because all the father originally asked for was advice) until he's confident enough to be able to do it himself. I hope rSlash has a good vacation because that was a very bad take.

Last story OP is an awesome mom, feel proud you gave your daughter the chance at a life.

Story 3: I get people are thinking it's "weaponized incompetence" but I don't think that's truly the case. Some men are just not hairstylists, even at the basic level. Why do you think so many guys keep their hair short and manageable by just washing it? Even myself as a woman, I have a hard time managing my own hair because it's so thick and stubborn. It's not a skill that anyone can master, especially when everyone's hair is different. Lighten up on the dad, man.

Story 3: NTA. I have incredibly curly hair and I can barely take care of it. It is nearly impossible for anyone without that type of hair to understand it regardless of the amount of RU-vid and research you do. It is amazing that this dad was willing to ask for help and even provide the products for a teacher to help. He is not shirking off his responsibilities, he is taking in the fact that it is impossible to comb curly hair correctly, that it requires special products and techniques, and that he is not someone that is equipped for that.

Story 2: I am a horse owner. The very last person I would want to be caring for my horse is someone who does not want to. There are many things that can go wrong with horses and someone who doesn't like them is not going to pay attention to the many details that may indicate a serious problem.

Agreeing with some of the other comments on story 2, with a few personal caveats (regarding information)! Note uh. I haven't read the actual post / OP's replies on reddit. - It's not really clear whether the poster HAS spent that much on the 17-year-old. Who knows, maybe they got her a new car or something and were making sure it was equal with the other daughter. Depending on pedigree and WHERE you get it, a horse can be a lot less than $1500, too. Gear can be costly! - While there was a promise, there was never an outright promise of "I will not punish you by making you do this". Oh the other hand, there should have been some kind of mention of "while this won't be a chore, if you do something really bad, I will tell you to do this as punishment", but that's probably not something that was anticipated. Hindsight being 20/20 and all. - My main concern would be breaking the 17-year-old's trust, so maybe a sit down talk about WHY cleaning the stable was a punishment. It'd be more of an issue with a smaller child, but even a 17-year-old can be hurt pretty badly by broken promises. More reason for the sit-down talk mentioned above. - Since the insult was directed at the 13-year-old, having to do part of the 13-year-old's normal tasks to make up for it / doing her a favor as repayment for a mistake makes sense. - I'm not a fan of the OP calling the 17-year-old a princess, but on AITA people tend to dress up stories a bit. Granted, that may make the OP a bit more of a jerk than they actually are, and that the 17-year-old is nowhere near as bad as she actually is. I'm just saying it doesn't surprise me with the sub in general lol. (Sorry for the long comment, this one just struck a chord with me. And I may be wrong ofc!)

Strong disagree story three. I'm mixed. My hair isn't tight (type 3B, maybe C) but my mom had to figure out how to do it when my dad skipped the country. I remember being fucking miserable AND having frizzy hair. and this is with my mom trying, but not having a lot of resources (early 2000s, and we moved to a mostly rural white area). I don't know if y'all are actually black or have curls but if you did I think you'd have a way better idea on how good this is. I wish the dad learned how to do his daughters hair, yeah, but I think this is a good solution until he does because it sucks for Everyone involved. I think he should pay the teacher tho. Hair days are super important and I hope he does learn.

I literally had to pull over at 10:45 because YOU ARE WRONG RSLASH! It is NOT an easy thing to understand and RU-vid ethic hair care. You can try, but it will take a long long time to understand if you have a different hair type. That teacher is an ANGEL for helping a newly single dad understand things mom didn’t show dad. You know what else dads gunna need advice on for his daughter cuz he never experienced it? Periods!! This teacher is a very helpful women who cares about her class. Dad is doing his best. Mom is an asshole when all dad is trying to do is learn how to care better for his daughter! It’s not like the dad and teacher are dating. She’s just being genuinely nice and it seems like dad genuinely wants his daughter to feel good about herself.

Story 3: Its not about beauty!! Its about comfort! If my daughter had curly and/or frizzy hair, i’d want to learn how to brush her hair properly to avoid damaging her scalp and cause her pain! Its totally understandable that he dropped his kid off early to get her ready.

Story 2: Sometimes you need to break promises to punish your kids; especially, in this situation. The older daughter was bullying her younger sister about said chore along with being rude and disrespectful. OP is right to say that punishments go beyond the norm also. Yeah, why in tf did OP get the younger daughter 2 horses, but OP still wasn't wrong for punishing the oldest that way. It looked like poetic justice to me.

Story 4 The lie was the op had no intention of selling her daughter to a rich family, she definitely hoped she'd decide to live the life she wanted, and the husband was tricked into it. For the best, op should run away and live with her daughter if she wants out.

Story 2: No, Rslash. OP promised that it won’t be a part of her CHORES. PUNISHMENT IS NOT CHORES. After the week is over, she won’t have to do it again given she learned her lesson. OP broke NO promises. The 17 y/o is old enough to not be a brat. She was warned and knew the consequences beforehand but she still continued. Rslash, you’re being soft. OP gets 0/5 AH and 5/5 on good parenting score.

“RU-vid man, RU-vid” wow r/slash just wow As a curly haired girl I didn’t learn how to properly do my hair until I was 18. I used RU-vid. It didn’t help. Getting help from people who actually knew what to do helped me so much more and now I have hair that I’m happy with. RU-vid people push products and curling styles that may be too expensive, not correct for the kids curl type, or may hurt her scalp or cause discomfort. The mother should be getting some heat for not showing him how to take care of their daughters hair or at least be doing her hair and packing some oil and gel for the father to separate the curls and fix the ends which is easier than doing an entire head of hair.

Last story: The mother did what was best for her children. I hope she can use that loving caring energy to help her husband come to accept that his children are happy and doing well. That is all a parent should want for their kids.

If the single dad was a single mom in the 3rd story I think people’s reaction would be different. Have some compassion for him all of this is new to him.

I’m really glad Rslash is taking a break. Most people in the comments agree that he had an overly harsh reaction for stories 2 and 3. I understand that reading these types of posts every day for a long time can take a toll on your mental health, and it’s really starting to show in his work. Rare Rslash L Hope he gets the rest and recovery he needs.

Story 2: I'm very... Conflicted about the punishment. Because I've been "wired" to believe that the punishment the older daughter went through was acceptable. But listening to the opinions of others, I'm being "rewired" in a sense to think that this really isn't a good punishment. It's the fact I've had to take on chores from others at such a young age that I believe that. Like how I was the sole house cleaner of this condo I lived in with my dad because he worked most of the week. Or have chores for weekdays I don't have work only for my step mom to do them on the weekend. I've just be wired into the mindset that this was normal and I should be thankful I have shelter. Which, quite frankly I am. Chores just to live at my parents house till I can get a place with roommates? I'll take it over being homeless or living at a friend's house that has no room for me at all.

Horse story : for the people who don't know about the horse's world. It's an absolute red flag to buy a horse to a young teenager who just began to learn how to ride. If you want a horse it's better to learn for at the very least 5/6 years. And the search for the right horse can take years ! So not only one, but two ?? This is insane. It's an insane purshase for a 13 years old. It's giving golden child spoiled vibes. The horses are not the most expensive purshase, it's the monthly fees that are pricey after the main purshase. You have to pay for lessons, veterinarian, barn, food, horseshoer (idk how it's called in english), gear, rider equipment, remplacement equipment, water, electricity, stall/field suplies, etc etc.

Second story: If the daughter was given chores that she doesn't mind doing, or are easy to accomplish, then it wouldn't have the impact. Promises are kept with the understanding that all circumstances are optimal. When circumstances aren't optimal, the daughter picking on her sister and being incredibly hurtful, then promises are off the table and have to be earned. The daughter probably enjoyed the fact that she would never have to do that, which gave her the green light to behave the way she does. "Whatever they make me do, I won't have to shovel poop, so I don't care about my attitude."

Story 3: Rslash, you must not have curly hair. Anyone with curly hair I think would side with OP. I have type 3a curly hair and I've spent years and years of not knowing how to manage it. I finally started learning and it's not easy, I've had to change my habits multiple times and I still haven't gotten into the nitty gritty stuff like porosity. OP is recognizing that he's not good at doing something. Instead of continuing to do that thing poorly, he's getting help. That's more than I can say for most people.

Second story: it will never fail to blow my mind that the parent's first reaction is...to punish, for some reason. If your child suddenly starts acting out and their grades start slipping, any reasonable person would realize that there's an underlying problem there. But nooo! Let's punish a teen girl who's going through a hard time by making her life even harder! Not like we need to investigate the root cause of the problem, nooo! That would be ridiculous! 🙄