OP's dad clearly seems to have forgotten that while he lost his wife and her brother lost his mother, OP _ALSO_ lost her mother. What a class act - surprised that he managed to get a wife in the first place.
this used to be very common a couple hundred years ago. If the wife dies, the oldest daughter became the lady of the house. Of course, this was way back when gender roles actually mattered and women were likely to die in child birth, so that situation was pretty common. Likewise, if the dad died, the oldest son became the head of the household. But, in 2021, we live in an entirely different society. Get with the times, old man!
Not to mention that loosing a mother is way worse than loosing a wife, you can get married again but you only have one mom and loosing her at such a young age is a tragedy
"We're doomed." Yeah, because you're helpless if your daughter smartens up and finds a way out. That guy's pathetic and her aunt is just as bad for taking his side.
"You should be nicer to your grieving father!" says the father and aunt to the *equally grieving* daughter who was just treated like utter crap for not being perfect.
A 20yr old being "too young" to own a home proves that the older generation knows how f-ed up the working world is right now and how we aren't being paid enough to afford homes, yet they still tell us it's possible if we "buckle down and stop eating avocado toast". 🙄
@@nationalinstituteofcheese3012I read that she did say it under the following context: Bakers were paid much more for the good bread and cakes and not a lot for the peasant bread (coarse flour and flour swept off the floor,) so they stopped selling it and the peasants were rioting because they couldn't afford bread. The Queen said they could eat cake, meaning the bakers had to sell the good stuff to the peasants at the cheap prices.
First story: His grieving dad? That man isn't grieving at all, he really is replacing his wife with his daughter and the rest of the family doesn't care.
@@krazycats564 Totally isn't trying to constantly compare his wife and daughter when she's trying her best to handle everything while he sits on his lazy ass and doesn't do shit. He really isn't grieving because it seems that what he's doing to OP he did to the wife as well.
TBF, at least he didn't go as far as to have her replace his wife in the bedroom. I've heard stories where that happened, with a couple of different outcomes, up to and including the "new wife" getting a new half-sibling.
Second story: she's absolutely sabotaging him on purpose. Once would have been a coincidence and her excuse might have worked. But FIVE times? She absolutely knew what she was doing, especially since he'd told her in advance what was expected of him. He was absolutely right to tell her what he did. If she's going to continually mess up his attempts to make their life better and easier, then she can throw away those desires to be a stay at home mother.
Story 1: That's called parentification and it is legally classified as child abuse in many municipalities around the world. CPS or a similar service could potentially be of use in this situation Edit: thanks for the likes guys. I wanted to clarify that this is in no way legal advice. Parentification is a legal term in many jurisdictions to describe a form of child abuse, that I believe is applicable to the situation described in the first story. That is all I was trying to share.
She needs to get OUT of there. This family clearly doesn't value women as much as men, and I get that there was just a death in the family, but this goes way beyond the pale.
@@whendricso agree this family not is not only toxic but at this rate her father is going to force her to drop out of school to become a house wife, she need to get out of there.
I was IMMEDIATELY triggered by the chef story. I also have a culinary arts degree. I've been baking for ten years and I'm the back of house manager at an organic artisinal bakery. It makes people really self conscious about serving me food. I get a lot of apologies, like, "it's probably not as good as you're used to," and I always have to be like, "no, you worked really hard on this and I always appreciate a free meal! Thank you for cooking for me!" Like come on, you do NOT judge a home cook by professional standards. It's not remotely fair. Professional cooks who do this are doing it to inflate their own stupid ego. I show appreciation, and I make sure to compliment something about the meal. Cause my cooking expertise makes people nervous, but it also carries extra weight when I compliment them. I have seen people visibly swell up with like... pride and happiness, just because I said I liked the food they served me. Use your powers for good and don't be a butthole!!!
If I said something like that to my wife, she would throw my food in the trash and never cook for me again. It's extremely rude to do this unless she asked him to do this. Besides, just giving a rating isn't "helping", it's judging. Helping would be cooking WITH her to show her tips and tricks that he know. He's just being a jerk and then a snowflake after she called him out.
That first story was _disgusting_. No Parent or Aunt should EVER abuse the children like that, and yeah, it was obviously sexist too (and even if it wouldn't have been, still not right!)
2:57 as the oldest sister out of five, I agree. I’m still in middle school and I’m already being forced to handle my baby sisters while my older brother doesn’t have to do anything but sit around and ignore us. I tried to express that I felt like a nanny, and my dad said that I shouldn’t feel like that because “big sisters are always supposed to help.” I’m sick of crying myself to sleep because I’m overwhelmed with dealing with the babies and going to bed at 6 or 8 every day. I’m sick of being blamed for not watching my baby sister when there are two FULLY GROWN ADULTS around with two sets of perfectly working eyes. I hate it here 🙁🙁🙁🙁
Hon- that’s abuse. You are a child- it’s not your job to watch your siblings and do all the chores. If you’re parents aren’t willing to listen just start refusing. Go to a library to do school work, go to friends, if any relatives who don’t agree with them- hang with them more often. I know a ton of big siblings, it’s not unheard of for a big sibling to OCCASIONALLY babysit or help with younger kids. But not to the point where you feel like a nanny. Your parents may threaten you- ignore it and record everything in a journal. How you feel, what they’re doing, etc. If they are not going to parent they can fork out the money for an actual nanny. If they continue- bide your time until you’re able to move out and cut ties with them. They are parentifying you and that is classified as abuse.
@@Ax-xo4ux I would go to stay with friends but I can’t go anywhere by myself and my friends don’t live close to me. Now that I’m in high school it has gotten a bit better but I still have to watch my sisters a lot. I’ll start recording everything down, thank you for the suggestion
She’s a minor, and her father has decided she should do all the housework, all the cooking, stop going to school, be isolated, and he verbally abuses her every time she doesn’t do something “perfectly” in his eyes. That’s a case for CPS if I ever heard one, because this is abuse.
Sounds like the perfect plot to separate op from any outside help such as cutting then off from friends and family so daddy can have a free servant and punching bag
If he keeps telling her to skip school, and the school follows the US’s rules (and does it properly), they will investigate. I would bet you anything that his wife also handled parent teacher conferences, so my only hope is that he waves his red flags high enough & doesn’t intimidate/gaslight OP into lying or keeping mum.
This is actually something called parentification, and it is a type of emotional neglect/abuse, ESPECIALLY in modern times. (I have learned part of this thanks to another commenter) So, yeah, OP should contact CPS, *especially* if the dad is making her skip school to take care of him.
The chef story: Yeah, I’m pretty sure Gordon Ramsay would go up to Jeff’s face and straight up call him an @-hole for the way he’s treating his girlfriend.
Yeah, Gordon Ramsey is actually known to be a really nice guy irl. He’s just mean to people that shown themselves to be jerks or act like they know everything when they don’t.
@@drsquichy3858 What Gordon hates are those with overinflated egos who act like they're the best chef in the world when their cooking is not to professional standards. Which is also why he's gentler on kids because kids understand they don't know everything (added that you don't bully kids)
@@ahstiasummers5583 plus he's mean mostly to top restaurant chefs, people who have zero excuse to not know how to cook dishes certain ways. So the anger is justified and expected. He gives out what is deserved. But he's nothing but nice to the kids and non professionals who are trying their best and have egos checked at the door.
Sorry the second one has nothing to do with needing “loud time.” It’s a repeated pattern of behavior and she is not just being loud but actively trying to interrupt what he is doing. Essentially, it’s sabotage. OP is only the asshole for letting this happen for the 5th time. If she really wants to be a stay at home mom, she would not repeatedly be doing this.
OP could've made a smarter plan the fifth time, but not thinking ahead and being smart is not the same as being an asshole. He wasn't actively trying to harass or sabotage someone or anything like that
@@limiv5272 making a plan to avoid his wife’s behavior and holding her accountable is not smart. He shouldn’t have to completely leave his home or make elaborate plans because his wife can’t give him a couple hours to do an interview that is intended to directly benefit her.
@@lilraegoblin if she wasn't pregnant I'd be for the OP kicking her to the curb. Harsh, yeah...but she's doing it on purpose and if the OP allows it she'll make a doormat out of him for years to come.
OP's wife just had to be quiet for 1 day while he did his interview, so he could make more money, so she could be a stay at home mom But she couldn't even do that
In that first story, we’re hearing a lot about how the brother and dad feel, but what about Op? Is she not grieving and traumatized by the loss of her mother? Why aren’t her feelings being thought about? Why is a 16 year old expected to be a responsible adult/parent before the actual adult/parent in the house? Op is currently a victim of her dad’s parentification and verbal abuse, and her aunt shames and berates her for not wanting to put up with it. Obviously, the brother gets a pass; he’s only 14 and is clearly wrecked by his mom’s death. The dad, however, needs a good punch to the face. “I’m grieving” isn’t an excuse to treat either of your kids like shit or push all adult responsibility onto them. Also, that whole skipping school thing will escalate if Op doesn’t shut her dad down now; it will go from “letting” her skip every so often to forcing her to drop out so she can be a SAHP.
Boy, I lived her life! When my dad died, my mom and brother fell apart. My mom became an invalid for about 3 months. The only thing she could do was work. My brother's grades declined, and started to act out horribly. Listening to this made me sad for Op. Sometimes, we as the older sibling we take on so much for our family. The difference between Op and myself is self awareness. She knew her limitations and let them know. I am proud of her.I am sad that her aunt didn't support her. I was lucky my mom had a come to Jesus moment and became our mom again. Ops story sucks, I get aunt wanting to be an emotional support for the men. We tend to not be that way, however how dare her for doing so at OPs expense.
I think the father was a total a-hole here not just for making the OP do ALL the chores, but then complaining about her cooking. If I were her I'd have told him to make his own damn scrambled eggs if he thinks mine aren't good enough.
I agree with you on everything except the son, he doesn't get a pass just because his mom passed. They all need to pull together and not leave it all up to the sixteen year old. If he gets a pass then so does she and again no they need to do things around the house and dad needs to get a maid if he can afford it. If he can't then there's nothing wrong with chores, for all of them.
let's see how he handles his daughter when she starts adolescence and forward.boys are easy for fathers to handle,just beat the crap of them if they are starting having a mind of criminal or physically destroy what you gave them in front of them,which is more difficult to do in front of a daughter or hit your own daughter,which could possibly make her hate you for life...
The chef is a creep. Even though he's only 6 years older he's acting like a teacher ruling over student and then classically turn around him hurting her feelings into she hurt him so she's wrong, he's right, and ofcourse then leaves. It's a typical manipulation tactic that she better not stand up for herself again to him.
My mother does something similar. She's a teacher and can't leave her work at work. Growing up I constantly needed to deal with her fake condescending tone and judgmental attitude, glad I finally got out of there.
@@RobPryme “5/10, your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive. You glossed over some of the most important points, you can improve on a lot of points, but good effort”
For the interview story, it seems simple. “If you can’t be quiet for an hour to let me get a better paying job, you can’t be a stay at home mom”. It’s entirely true and puts the burden of her own poor decisions on her. It’s not hard to be quiet for an hour to get what you want.
@@BonnerDoesRU-vid yeah it’s scary that she has such an awful personality and wants to be a stay at home mom to imprint her gross behavior on a child. Sorry but the kid will be better off in daycare to learn from different people. 😂
My family did that to me while I was taking an exam. Luckily I passed barely. But my mom was like "well next time do it at your house." If I didn't passed then I would had to retake it and I have yet to fail on the first time.
I lost my mom as a teen, and my dad was grieving; it was the first time I saw him cry. He still did his damndest with twice as many kids as the first story. He did eventually hire help with the house when the stress was hurting him, and I helped with getting groceries, helped with cleaning on weekends, and even drove my siblings once I could. In fact my dad went out of his way to avoid parentfication, because he wanted us, KIDS, to still be kids. I hope the OP can get the support she needs.
He’s a grown ass man he should learn how cook and clean his OWN DAMNED HOUSE, yeah he’s grieving but he’s still the adult the parent so be a damned parent
I feel like that's a bit sexist too, cause he doesn't do any work, the brother doesn't either, and expects a 16 year old girl to stop going to school to do housework?? Like what the fuck. CPS is needed here
wait,isn't it the only real world and logic where women do maid work at home?no matter if you're the mother or daughter?this very normal and true reality,like in prehistoric times...
The first story hits home a bit. I'm 25 and male, but in a somewhat similar situation. My dad died 5 months ago at 51. My sister and mom both completely shut down when he was in the hospital and it continued after. For the last 6 months of my dads life he was in and out of the hospital. We own a family business. My mom basically stopped doing anything and came in maybe 6 times in those months and spent 24/7 with my dad in the hospital. Leaving me alone to run the business and house in the midst of COVID. I never really got to visit my dad. I was alone to deal with my feelings, working 12 hours a day 7 days a week. After my dad passed, that continued for about 1.5 months because she was "busy dealing with the funeral". My sister shut down and almost lost her job (she is 30) which also affects us because she rents their condo from my parents and had no savings. My sisters comes to me as if I'm her dad for everything. My mom always puts everything on me. If there is an issue, I have to deal with it, I have to fix everything. She talks down to me. Both of them put down my feelings saying they have it worse. My mom has actually said to my face when I said I was depressed "what do you have to be depressed about? There is nothing worse than losing your husband". I kept it in and didn't say anything for over half a year and then I snapped. My girlfriend (degree in therapy) said she acts like im her husband when she needs something and its wrong. Me and my mom would get in screaming matches. Constant arguing. I started to shot down aftr 6 months of not being allowed to deal with my own feelings, to the point I never cries over losing my dad and then all I got was "Are you even going to get anything done today?" "yYou never do anything" blah blah. I'm struggling so much with the stress of the family business being on me alone while it supports EVERYONE in my family. My dad's last words to me were take care of everyone and everything for me and I feel like I'm failing
Know this was 2 years ago but I hope you're doing better, that's a lot for one person to handle and it's wrong for them to act like you aren't grieving just as much.
“You can’t expect total perfect silence.” No, but OP should have expected some basic courtesy and her being considerate of his obligations, especially when it’s being done to help make both hers and the baby’s life better. That comment just reeks of entitlement.
I suspect that she didn't want him to get a better job, possibly so he would be a SAH dad while she worked or something. She did sabotage 5 of his job interviews, so I don't think the last one was an isolated case. She knew what he was doing and that he had to remain on camera, so I think she was just trying to get him disqualified. If he couldn't get a better job, then she'd probably suggest she goes out to work...
And that sentence from her is manipulative as well. Op didn’t ask for perfect silence, he simply asked her to stay quiet for maybe an hour? Hell, if she can’t do that in her own home, maybe she can go out of the house for a bit. It’s not too big of an ask. And the fact that she’s done this multiple times during interviews shows that she’s just being petty at this point.
@@dx1450 I don't think so because OP mentions the entire reason that they were looking for a better job was because she wanted to be a stay at home mom. OP then goes on to say how she got upset when they told the wife she'd have to find a job because of her sabotaging all his attemps and her getting angry about it.
@@dx1450 As Doctor Oaks said, she's the one who wants to be the SAH parent. However, I do think she is sabotaging him due to insecurities. She could be afraid that, with him going off to work at this other job, he could spend too much time there and not take care of her and the baby, or that he might meet another woman there. And due to those insecurities, she may be sabotaging him to keep him close, without fully thinking about their financial situation.
@@JKrowlingrockx Its not that hard to be quite for a while, I have 2 young kids and when I have important meetings its usually not a problem for my partner to keep the kids destracted for an hour. if its going to be longer than that, she makes plan to go visit her sister etc. for a few hours.
Criticism is NEVER constructive when you make the person being criticized feel like a piece of garbage, no matter what your intentions are. If you can't see you're hurting the other person, you're not being "constructive"; you're just being an a-hole. Most importantly, if OP wanted Jerry's opinion, she would've ASKED for it, and definitely not in front of her family.
Yeah, he’s an asshole, and has been all along. He shouldn’t be rating her efforts *at all,* and especially not in front of other people; she’s not his student. He should just be making suggestions, like “maybe use a little less salt next time.”
Especially since she’s learning to cook. I’d give her a 100/10 for trying. I’m learning myself but haven’t dipped into complexish dishes so I applaud her for her bravery
I totally agree! But I kept thinking… did she told him before the dinner that she was uncomfortable with his ratings? If so, he is 100% the AH here. If she hadn’t told him, I guess he’s not the AH for rating her privately, i think he had good intentions! But, alas, he is the AH for rating in front of the hole family!! I hope they can discuss this and he can respect AND encourage her to keep cooking Edit: now I realize I was confused about “rating” and “giving advice”. He’s the AH for going at here for something she’s just learning and has no intentions of becoming pro.
@@JosieJOK Actually, the only time he was an asshole was the incident. He wasn't saying "your food is bad" he seemed to be explaining why he gave said score. And in private that's okay, in fact she never said that she objected when he did it in private. But all teachers know not to share grades publicly, that makes him an asshole, not the critiquing in and of itself. Also the "as long as you try, no one can critique you" mindset is stupid no one can get better by not knowing when they mess up.
I have to say that your response to the woman who's boyfriend was rating her food was the BEST response that I have ever heard on any reddit story. I laughed out loud and had to talk to my son about it laughing the whole time! Very well done.
First story: just because OP's dad is in grief, doesn't mean that he can literally make OP his replacement wife, over a scrambled egg too... 0/5 BH for OP
For the interview story: not being able to be quiet is a ridiculous claim. I work from home and my wife has a variant schedule so sometimes she's home while I'm working. I simply tell her "hey I've got x calls today during y times" then during those times she goes to the living room and plays games playstation with headphones on or does gardening outside or something. Sometimes this is like 6 hours where I'm on calls and it's never been a problem. What is wrong with this woman
It’s clear she doesn’t want him to get hired, even though it would benefit her. Is she jealous? Afraid additional responsibilities would take him away from the family? A good therapist might find the solution.
@@b.f.2461 Others theorized that she's doing this as a power play because some people interpret rules/boundaries as a challenge to their power. Others think that she wants him to stay at home because she's afraid he'll cheat on her. Either way, reeks of massive insecurity
With the chef husband, he has a lot of actions of sounding like a narcissist and then also a gas lighter. His first instinct was not to apologize to his wife for hurting her, but instead turn it to her and make her the villain. A normal person doesn't do that, especially to some one that you 'love'.
2nd story: honestly I highly agree w OP. She's blanetly refusing to let you get a better job by ignoring the importance of what you're doing so I'm glad he was blunt about what he wanted. It's irritating doing interviews for no reason
Story about the wife ruining the job interview: Libraries usually have study rooms you can sign up to use for free for a limited time. Perhaps OP could go to the library and sign up for a study room.
1st story: Child Abuse, the father NEEDS to be a parent; grieving or not. 2nd story: The wife is sabotaging her husband! Huge Red Flag. 3rd story: Wow, green is not a good color on anyone. 4th story: F that guy, drop! 5th story: This takes “nosy neighbors” to the next level. What’s your dad’s problem? Is he trying to belittle you for being an adult? edit: grammatical errors
I agree with #2, she's obviously sabotaging her husband's job interviews for some reason. Having it happen 5 times in a row, and especially with a job that pays 3x his current salary? Something's going on in her head and I guarantee it's not nice.
@@ElementalArcher I think it's more that he's from a different time, when neighbors were more reasonable and respectful, and help each other out. Where neighbors did favors for each other to remain friendly and 'keep the peace' So he may think that OP refusing their neighbor's request and making an enemy of them was the wrong move. Of course, he'd be completely wrong in thinking that, and like Rslash said, she was probably bound to wind up an enemy sooner or later. She was obviously looking down on OP for being younger.
What is with the wife in the second one? As someone that has been pregnant and can understand the changes and hormones during that time, I can't for the life of me understand why she would go so far out of her way to ruin 5 different job opportunities that meant she didn't have to work when that's what she wanted in the first place! Why is she deliberately sabotaging him? After 5 times, you can't tell me she's not doing it deliberately. And yeah, after 2 times you can't act oblivious and like the blame is all on her at this point, even if she's wrong too.
I would have had her go out for a few hours or make sure a friend of hers keeps her away from him. Make her think she’s having “me time” when he’s really just keeping her out of his hair lol
Possible that she's one of those women who think pregnancy excuses everything. "Oh I ate everything in the house? Pregnant." "Fix me food. Pregnant." "Clean up after me. Pregnant."
Story 3: You know, i’m pretty sure Gordon Ramsay does not criticize his wife’s cooking when she makes him dinner, especially with friends and family over. So, he has no business comparing himself to Gordon Ramsay.
Not to mention Gordon Ramsay usually tears into people who more often than not need to be knocked down a peg or two. Also the professional culinary world is a very competitive and high-stress industry. On the other hand, Gordon Ramsay is very supportive with kids (Masterchef Junior) who are not professional chefs and still learning and in need of encouragement. Jerry is just a self-important bully and OP needs to dump him like the garbage that he is because she deserves so much better than some man-child who loves to dish out criticism but can't take any of it himself.
Actually I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that Gordon Ramsay can't cook well, according to his wife. When he isn't on Hell's Kitchen he is a very polite and humble person. But some wannabe master chef has no idea about that, he just thinks he's top bill.
I also lost my mother and me and my siblings had to pick up on chores. So the the first story infuriates me. My dad helps us with chores, he doesn’t compare us to our mother, he lets us know where we can improve, he acknowledges our exhaustion and offers help. It’s fine for kids to help around the house after a loss, but don’t dump it all on them. Op’s dad is such an ass
Honestly, I would have just typed a report card/ performance review of how the guy did as a boyfriend and at the end I would have put something like “ Due to your poor scores, I have decided that you no longer have a place in my life. We’re done. I’ll leave your stuff on the porch.” And send it to him at the friend’s house he was staying at.
Story 2: OP's Wife just had to wait for a bit of time without making noise. If she can't handle that (impatience), well tough tootsies. Now she can't be a stay-at-home mother because OP lost the job opportunity, and she can't seem to accept that she's the one at fault. Oh, and the fact that this is the fifth time is a red flag.
Having a job may be a good thing, if she’s is inpatient, disrespectful, and has no care forever people needs. Then she doesn’t need to be a stay at home mom with an infant that is a lot of responsibility.
Exactly the same thing happened to my schoolfriend many years ago when her mum died, leaving her dad, her spoilt little sister and a couple of lazy brothers expecting her to run the house for them, and do all the work. My friend married her boyfriend at a very young age and moved out to start her own family. Her parental home become scruffy, unkempt and not very clean. Nobody was apparently prepared to do the work.
My advise to F16 who lost mother. Go to school, tell them what is going on and ask for help/advise. Make sure they understand you are overloaded with everything.
Story 5: Yeah, OP went the right direction. The woman would’ve likely called the paperwork fake and continue to harass OP, believing that such a young person can't buy a house and can only rent.
I mean you should have just told the lady fine call the landlord and she could have spent hours trying to find out who the landlord is to find out there is none
That's what I was gonna say. She would have said it was fake and called the cops anyway. I agree with the person who replied to this. She should have told her fine call the landlord.
Agreed. The neighbor is clearly a Karen and trying to exert dominance. She was *never* going to be a good neighbor, no matter what OP did. OP did well to establish that she’s not going to be dominated and that she’s going to fight back. Karen will definitely constantly harass her, but that was going to happen anyway.
@@ginabell694 Yeah but then she might have taken it a step further into crazy ville and accused her of forging stuff or something or paying off someone to pretend she owns the house. You know, crazy stuff that makes no sense that only a Karen can think of.
In the last story Rslash forgot that Jane was also being ageist. I've dealt with this myself and it's infuriating when old people assume things because you aren't as "worldly" as them.
No alabama meme can prepare for this one, ladies and gentlemen... I would say, however, spare the brother and punish the father and that horrible aunt for beating into the daughter wrongly like that. The brother seems genuinely traumatized, he needs help, I would hardly blame him for the delusions of the horrible father and aunt.
@@locusxe1411 I dont think OP ever blamed the brother, I'm talking about RSLASH here mainly. Besides, the story never explicitly stated or even remotely implied she held a grudge against her brother specifically.
@@locusxe1411 He literally DIDN'T TALK and walked away when things got serious. Let the silent, grieving child grieve; he clearly just wants to be left to himself.
That whole family needs therapy, especially the father. He’s too much of an asshole to see it, though. Both kids are grieving, yet the family thinks the daughter should stif-upper-lip through it while the brother gets his space and the father parentifies and verbally abuses her. The aunt sucks too because she thinks that’s fine. Every time I read a story like this, it reminds me how blessed I was that my father did *the opposite of this* when my mom died when my sister and I were little.
Son is not the A hole. He’s young, and deserves to grieve. The dad should be picking up his own weight. He should be grieving, and everyone should be doing work, but the son gets a little break from it
Why is that first dad even expecting a cooked breakfast? It's not a restaurant, he should make his own and if that's too much work it's too much work for his daughter.
He’s used to it being a restaurant, though. His wife was also his cook, maid, housekeeper, nanny, therapist and everything else for at least 16 years. That’s at least a full-time job, and expecting his daughter to do a full-time job on top of being a student and growing up, without even being paid a cent? On top of grieving? And when the rest of her family have completely checked out and are doing even less around the house? It’s ridiculous and impossible.
@@Ajehy Yeah the mother may even have been doing that on top of a job but sexist mores still make women do all the housework and childcare on top of whatever job they have in many places. But it was the wife's choice, not her daughter's. Also if that son is so traumatized he can't function at all he needs therapy and his father is probably no emotional support at all. He is also expecting his sister to do everything because she is female. Things will change now the other parent is dead and the father is not willing to accept that. Making his own breakfast is just the tiniest thing he should start with.
But complaining about his daughter's cooking was just a total dick move. He probably expected her to know how to cook things perfectly because she's female.
@@dx1450 He really thought it was her job to do everything her mother did AND her brother and do it exactly like her mother yes, because she's female. I mean come on, mowing the lawn even? That's a guy's job and he thought if the brother didn't do it, she should, not him. Some guys are raised to only work out of the house and sit at home no matter what.
@@dx1450 But what kind of scrambled eggs? We talking soft? A little burned? Salt added during the whipping? On the runny side? With celery or some shredded cold cuts? I can go on. Perfect eggs are subjective, and the tiny little details that you love are gonna be weeks or months of trying to get it right. Then years more practice to make it consistent. Eggs man, eggs are hard.
Wow, I've been away for so many months I missed so much! Congrats on becoming a father! I used to listen to your stuff every day and I actually got used to listening to you with him. He died of cancer last year and it's hit hard. Dropped listening to you because it just stung. You make great content and I wish you the best with your life and your family!
@@richewilson6394 that’s not gonna make them stop grieving that will direct their grief towards OP as anger. Their mental state is extremely volatile. It’s good for OP to get out of that situation but that’s not just gonna magically fix the dad and brothers mental health.
Interview sabotage... It sounds like the wife has some serious issue that isnt being addressed within this marriage. "part of this blame comes to you", no, no blaming the victim here... Why should he have to go do it somewhere else?
With the first story I feel it very deeply. My mom died in 2016 when I was 21. I took legal guardianship of my sister and we still lived with my mom's longtime boyfriend who I considered my step-dad and my sister always saw as her dad. After 5 years once in awhile we'll get into heated arguments, and sometimes I have to say, "I'm not mom. I can't work, clean, cook, go to school when I can, and ldo everything like she can. I can't do 100% like she can." My step-dad completely understands and he takes a step back and we talk things out, like a family.
Omg that chef story made me mad. I’m a culinary student and yes the instructor WILL rate your food. HOWEVER, they do it by saying everything that you did good and then give positive comments on ways that it can be made better. Afterwards the instructor can help you and give more tips because that’s what there supposed to do. He’s one of those egotistical people that doesn’t know how to separate his work life from home life and can’t take a chill pill.
God, the first story reminds me of my father-in-law and how he treated my fiancé. He got a blood disease, and had his life expectancy cut severely. As such, my fiancé bent over backwards to try to take care of her, cooking, cleaning, and doing anything else because he physically wasn't able to. But he had that hardened edge that an ex-Marine has, and if things weren't 100% perfect like he expected it (like if floors weren't dusted to HIS liking, or if he didn't get an AMAZING breakfast), he'd go off on her and on ME for not setting her straight. There was one time where she was running late making him breakfast, so she made some scrambled eggs, and he didn't say anything except maybe they were too salty at the time, but then later on when she was in an argument with him and another family member, he started saying that she and I were lazy with the chores, and she never cooks... however when she DOES? she makes "the worst fucking scrambled eggs I've ever had in my entire life."
I think the wife of the interview op is purposely sabotaging him. Like, op didn't mention anything about a disability that might hinder her understanding, and she is literally a grown adult woman, so there's no reason she wouldn't be able to understand a simple instruction like please be quiet for a few minutes for something that would be beneficial for the BOTH of them, and their unborn child. Idk why she's trying to sabotage him but theres no way this is unintentional on the 5th time.
Man OP had a solid experience going up until he said "she's more attractive to you." Like ouch, your own anger can be so unpredictable, just that spur of the moment sentence completely complicates the situation.
Story 5: the heck with “I think my cat went into your house, let me go in and look”. I see this loony saying things like, “I saw there were boys at your house, I need proof you don’t have an STD” or “I demand to see your immunization record! Now!” or, on a mellower note, “Why did you plant yellow marigolds? I like orange better. I’d better see orange there tomorrow or else.”
Story 1: I know someone whose perfectionist father expected her to be a second mother to her 3 younger siblings-while her own mom was still alive no less-and it affected her whole life. Decades of therapy, problems with her own marriage and kids…she only fully reconciled with her dad when she was 50 and he was dying of cancer. OP’s dad isn’t just going down that same path, he’s jumping off it without a parachute into the abyss below. Get help, OP, and get it now.
Wow. That first story has me shell-shocked. Literally no one but OP is expected to lift a finger? They are doomed, because they're deadbeats that won't do anything to help. Did everyone just forget OP lost a mother, has school, and now she's being parentified? I hope there's one family member who cares enough to take her in.
100%. And constructive criticism is something like “The next time you make this dish, try using a little less salt in the sauce, I think you’ll like the results”, given after the relatives have gone home. What he’s doing is “Look at me, everybody! I’m a frickin’ culinary expert!”
@@Ektalon Yup. Would also point out what was done right. “The steak is cooked beautifully, but it’s over seasoned. Some acidity like lemon juice or vinegar could help with that.” Assuming that the person wants my advice.
Also, why couldn't he wait until her family left? Even teachers tell their students to keep their marks to themselves. The only exception I remember was when I got praised at age eight for being the only student in the class that knew measurement in mathematical terms was called the "metric system". I don't think I even got top marks in the class, just that was a question no one else knew (clearly I was the only one memorizing Lemony Snicket books).
I feel the second story deeply, i just graduated college and im doing interviews and exams for jobs. I let my family know in advance so they know i might need silence for 30-45 minutes...they always say "ok" but as soon as they hear me speak they start playing music, vacumming, playing with our dog, knocking on my door for stupid stuff, etc....Ive talked to them about this and they just say "were sorry, we didnt know it was that important"
1st story pissed me off: "You shouldn't have spoken to your grieving dad like that!" Oh, but it's okay for him to speak to me & treat me basically like a servant when I'm also grieving? Nice double standard, Auntie Screw them. NTA. Everyone has a breaking point & OPs dad has been pushing & pushing without a single concern for his daughter's mental, emotional or physical well-being because he's so wrapped up in himself. 2nd story: No, NTA. His wife is a rude jerk. Yes, it's impractical to require someone to be silent constantly - however it is perfectly reasonable to ask people who live with you to keep it down while you're doing something important that requires quiet. I record/host an Aspec podcast with a group of people. I also live with my mother & grandmother. If I'm recording, they keep it down, without me even asking, because it's polite 3rd: NTA. Your wife is being a bully. She needed to be called out on it. It wasn't the nicest to say that she's less attractive than this other woman, but we don't have perfect logic when we're angry. 4th: You can help someone improve with cooking or any other hobby without being a prick about it - that is not constructive criticism. That is 100% a way to make you feel like crap for not meeting his standards. It was absolutely beyond rude to do that in front of guests & he was definitely trying to humiliate you. He's acting like you're the AH because you called him out on it. NTA. 5th: I'm sorry what? NTA. Your neighbor is an idiot & rude b*tch. Your dad is being an idiot too.
Also, why was she told to skip school? Was she sick and he still made her get out of bed anyway? Was there no reason and he just wanted her home to do chores? What was the reason? No reason makes him look good
@@DasSpaceAce Thats not good, there’s a reason why kids are only allowed to have a certain amount of absences before CPS investigates in a lot of areas
I used to be a chef, went to culinary school and worked in professional kitchens for a decade. That guy criticizing his girlfriends food is a twatwaffle. If ANYONE cooked me a meal I was so thankful. I was always stuck cooking for everyone at events. The last thing I would ever do was express my options regarding the food. I ate the meal, thanked them and enjoyed my time with them. Eff that guy. He's probably stuck doing prep work or on the salad station.
I empathise with you massively OP, reminds me of my own relationship with my mother. I was expected to bring up my brother and take on all responsibilities because I was a girl, usual sexism and other BS. My mother was extremely neglectful and expected me to care for and bring up my own brother, so a child bringing up another child, whilst enabling his abuse towards me. He would regularly physically attack me, she would buy him alcohol from age 12, she would blame me for his behaviour, and once he gave me a serious concussion as he’d knocked me out, by grabbing my hair and smashing my head into a wall repeatedly, and she told me I was “being dramatic”, that “nobody cares”, etc, so as a mother she made him the golden child and I was the scapegoat, so my brother could never do any wrong but I got blamed for everything, bullied and abused. She just didn’t want the responsibility, she wanted to have children but not to look after them. She’d tell me I was the reason she was depressed, wanted to k*ll herself, etc etc, and that it was somehow my fault my brother abused me, despite her literally enabling his behaviour. I’m emancipated from both my biological parents now because both were heavily abusive, my father left me with permanent nerve damage from the beatings which has left me about 90% bedridden with mobility problems, something I’ve struggled with for years, and both contributed to my c-PTSD and PTSD. They don’t think they’ve ever done anything wrong. Haven’t spoken to them in several years but friends send me screenies from my biological mothers FB on my birthday, and it’s always her making it about herself “Happy birthday to my daughter I guess, she’s 30 this year but is still extremely selfish and rude. She won’t unblock me or talk to me. Could folk send me hugs? At least my son isn’t an ungrateful bitch” That was November last year. She’s had several years to consider her actions but will never acknowledge her abuse because she somehow thinks it was “justified”. So… the only advice I have is to try to find a relative who’s not a POS and isn’t sexist, because your father clearly doesn’t care about your opinion, he doesn’t want to listen to you at all and wants to be the victim here, is there anyone you know that could talk to him? Because his behaviour is clearly not healthy, but he needs someone to call out his BS, someone he’d actually listen to, maybe a man who’s the same age as him? It would mean attempting to try and find someone for this, but maybe a teacher? They’ll have noticed your increased absence, and honestly this constitutes as child abuse because this is a clear example of neglect. Your father wants to aim his anger and grief at you, doesn’t consider your feelings, wants to blame you for XYZ, and won’t listen, on top of being neglectful and extremely sexist, this doesn’t give you a safe and happy home, and you desperately need help because of your fathers clear inability to be a parent. I don’t normally recommend CPS in the USA because I’ve not heard much good from them, but honestly? CPS needs to call him out on his BS. That or a teacher, someone who has a wee bit of authority to try and scare some common sense into him. It’s that or try to find a relative to live with, like a grandparent or an aunt who isn’t a sexist POS.
Speaking of microphones picking up extra noises, Does anyone remember when Rslash put those "Puppy Bloopers" at the end of some of his videos? I look forward to the days when "Lilly Bloopers" are a thing 😂
I love your videos because when people live with such horrible people i get so mad and to see (or hear) somebody that has the same reaction as me AND expressing it, it just feels good 😂
The last story of the busybody neighbor... I've known a lot of people like her over the years. She's an elitist. Her type has to make themselves feel good about their failings by acting superior to those that they judge to be of a lower class/standard and are not worth the time to bother with. rSlash is right in suggesting the cameras for your property as she will only escalate matters until she feels she's 'won' whatever that may be in her twisted little mind. A much smaller example, in my case a long time ago, is I when shopping for groceries and the guy bagging took one look at my wheelchair and started slowly and loudly, enunciating the words, "Paaaaper or plaaaaastic!" shaking each in front of me to show me the differences. I responded with, "Well, gee... Kill a tree or choke a fish... I guess I'll kill a tree today. Paper, please." I guess he didn't like my response as he chunked the bag of canned goods in my lap. Good thing I didn't feel much. In other words, every time you shut her down, she will try to retaliate, so please be prepared.
@@gabrielarrhenius6252 And? They will not have the money to take care of him or themselves,money doesn't grow on trees and that job would pay triple of what the OP is doing now, but not anymore becuse of what she did.
For the food rating story: rating someone’s dish out of 10 is not constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is comments like “I like what you did with the chicken, but you may want to cut back on the salt next time” “The flavor of the sauce was nice, but the texture was a little off. Do you mind if we do it together next time so I can see what you’re doing?”. As for critiques in front of family, that is a huge no no. Find something to compliment, not critique, compliment, about the dishes. Later you can give advice and critiques, but critiquing someone’s food in front of their family? That is so not okay.
Story 2, they have similar tests like that for IT certifications, and i took 3 IT tests in a house with 2 dogs, a teenager, and two other adults and got complete silence, passing my exams and earning 2 Certifications. if she cant manage to be quiet by herself, for an interview that pays really well, then she's just negligent and irresponsible
2nd story: OP: "I need silence for this exam." Wife: "Nope!" *Yells at OP, Calls on speakerphone, plays loud Yoga music* OP: *Fails exam, and is angry at his wife* Wife: **Gasp** *Surprised Pikachu Face* Last story: Jane: "I demand proof you live here!!" OP: "No, mind your own business." Jane: *Calls Police* OP: *Shows proof to Jane and Police* Jane: *"The law requires that I should still be angry."* OP's Dad: *"The law requires I say that you are the butthole."* So, you guys want me to write something like this for each story? I am happy to oblige!
@@spidrscared84 I won't be surprised to see a post on Facebook where this Karen posts: "I told my neighbor to show proof he lives there, but he has audacity to tell me to mind my own business, but he's too young to own a house anyway and should give it to my precious baby boy. But when I called the police on him, he has the absolute gall to show proof that he lives there! How dare he show proof to prove me wrong! Butthole." Then, she gets her ass blasted in the comments.
Op needs to tell the dad to cook his own breakfast and do the chores, until he puts in the work required to be a parent and he makes the brother do his part to I wouldn't do anything for them
