r/AmITheA**Hole - "You're too Broke to be Sexist" 

Yeah that was pure gaslighting right there, he knew he was being sneaky and as such he knew he was in the wrong.

I think the first guy explained himself badly, I think he meant it in a "straight guy imagine how angry you would be if a guy had gay sex on your bed" put yourself in his shoe kind of deal. Likely expecting his straight roommate would probably freak out about sex on HIS bed, but even more at GAY sex on his bed, y'know. This means his straight roommate is a hypocrite for trying to defend himself given how he'd react if the roles were flipped. Especially if the straight dude has had a history of finding stranger men's fluids (even something minor like sweat or saliva), extra icky for "being gay". IF he ever shown "alpha male"/toxic masculine/"No bc that would be gay" shit like this around his gay roommate the response is warranted

​@@André-b3wI don't know, it seems still somehow weird to me to point the gender out, I'd be equally disgusted if it was a man woman or any other gendered person uninvited naked in my bed. I mean all of them are capable of leaving their bodily fluids in there so what's the difference? It reminds me of Leonardo Da Vinci who was disgusted by female bodies and never performed a vivisection on corpses of women. It just sounds somewhat misogynistic or even childish that is all.

OP need some new friends like that is gross to blame him for finding out his "friend" used his bed for the devil's tango like if the roles were reversed Alex wouldn't be happy

Totaly agree!!! As if the owner if the bed inconvinienced the invading guy who violated his space and trust by using his bed ... Not knowing about it dies not make it any more ok

My very gay brother still thinks a womans place is at home pregnant raising kids.

It's just like that one Tinder(?) convo in one of Cliccy's r/Faceplam videos. The problem with men who want a "traditional wife" is that they refuse to be a "traditional husband".

@@LoremIpsum-dp1li that’s how my ex was. Didn’t want to be a traditional husband but expected a traditional wife. Like sir please pick a lane

It's wild that so many people on both sides of this can't comprehend what fair division of labor is.

@@seshthecat you're brother has nothing to say about women's roles and maybe he should start then (Nothing against you btw) Anyways these trad men just want free labor don't while they chase after another "high value" woman who they won't let do any heavy lifting or get dirty

Same.

Same, but also if one of their disabilities is reduced muscle mass, public transport probably still isn't going to be a good option for them long term, and as they're vision impaired it carries extra safety risks even while they're young and about as fit as they're ever going to be. I'm gobsmacked that the parents aren't more accepting of their own kid's basic safety needs.

My stepmother was a right leg amputee and they set her up with a hand system so she could drive her car, it was very cool and awesome to see accessibility improvements the thing that sucks is if it wasn’t for the VA (she lost her leg in the military) it wasn’t something she could have afforded on her own. And that’s also not something that they can let everyone do.

This. As many times as I've tried over the years, I'm not able to drive (medical reasons), and it screws with everything in my life. I really want to live in a country where I can function without being dependent on a skill that I can't develop.

@@tealkerberus748 To be fair, having good public transport is the kind of thing that also tends to make public transit a lot more safe as well. Not saying that the concern is invalid, but worries about safety on public transit in parts of the world where it's not regarded as a desperation measure for the poor are often close to nonexistent.

The correct reply to "You're being childish, it's just a toy" is "You're being childish, it's just $300" Also, the "just a toy" thing always bugs me. Just the other day this boomer neighbor of mine came by to ask for a favor (he turned on the flashlight on his phone and didn't know how to turn it off again, I swear to God! 😆) while I was fixing this Arrma Nero I just bought (a rather rare, discontinued RC car) and he was like "Hur, Hur, aren't you a little old to be playing with toys?" Like, my brother in Christ. You're a taxidermist. You spend all your free time shoving cotton up dead animals and putting them around your house in creepy poses. You have no right to criticize anyone's hobby.

Fr, for all those parents knew, that unsealed box could've been a future birthday gift to a whole different child OP was planning for (like an friend's child they aren't aware of.) Then to bring it home with them afterwards is even worse. All without even notifying anything.

I kinda think hes the AH. Like, you have 2 boxes, sure it was expensive af and both of them have already been used, but like, it was a collection, he must have had many more in that case which shouldnt rly matter. Also if he was gonna be that petty over a lego set maybe warn them to not interfere with it. Also he knew the nephew needed to play, maybe give him another toy u have? And its not like his parents responded that badly, at least they ended up actually paying for that lego set. If I was his dad he aint gonna see those 300 dollars come out of me for a lego set (at least if it was something a little less childish?)

​​@@vlennoxxso if you have 2 300 dolar banknotes on your desk and they take one of them, that's fine cause you still have the other one? Also what do you mean "he needed to play", the parents didn't have to bring him if he wasn't gonna help

​@@vlennoxx stealing is stealing. They took his property and gave it to someone else without permission. End of story.

Also, "Stop making such a big fuss over the replacement cost of the toy."

"Stop making suh a big fuss over a toy". So, robbing a toy store is ok? :D

A guy made a tiktok about this he played that "traditional" (he isn't married but still has kids with the woman he is with) man that wanted his gf to do all the housework and take care of the kids, and the girlfriend will say i won't do that unless you make enough for me to stay home and do all the stuff you mom did (his caractersaid his mom did it that way when he was young), were his caracter but babe in this economie we both need to work

​@@juliaboskamp9666 Not sure I'm reading this right, but at least to the very last part - if this economy means we both have to work for a wage, then this economy also means we both have to contribute to household chores and "women's work". Nobody with a job has the abundance of time that "women's work" requires.

@@juliaboskamp9666I have see a parody short of that in this site and it's hilarious

@@aliceh5289 "This economy" is mainly America if we're talking Western economies. Most places in the EU and Canada don't require two people working just to pay the bills.

​@@AIHumanEqualityHmmmm idk bout that. I live in Australia and have family in Great Britain (can't speak for Canada) and I'd say it's all pretty abyssmal. In a modeen partnership with our current (and honestly quite globally intertwined) economies we all have to work regardless of our gender in order to stay afloat. The housing and rent crisis in Australia is particularly horrific, and for Brits it's only a few degrees better. Everyone in every western country is struggling to some degree, so splitting the work and chores 50/50 is the most logical and loving way for partners to live together successfully. Anything less is disrespectful and causes severe imbalance and work overload for one partner over the other.

He was probably stuck in a traditional marriage, or he was pressured into it by society or his parents. It's really sad... maybe they thought kids would fix the marriage. Not an excuse, but an explanation. I feel horrible for both of them, and the kids...

think she said his is terrible with kids, so she probably doesn't trust him to look after them

The inheritance thing, yup in my country biological are still owed a portion of the assets and if you dont want to give anything anything you have to explicitly say you disown them but not sure how the two rules would work together

@@ayannafit2441 I would assume there has to be a specific reason to disown the child. Maybe there are rules?

@@vellathewench did some searching (and translating) and there's a thing called "succession reserve". Getting this from notaries' website: According to the New Civil Code, the inheritance reserve is the part of the assets of the inheritance to which the reserved heirs are entitled by law, even against the will of the deceased, manifested by liberalities or disinheritance . The reserved heirs are the descendants (children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren), the surviving spouse and the parents of the deceased . Ah, there doesn't need to be a reason for disowning someone. At least not that i could find

A 28-year-old was EXPECTING more than $10,000 from her father and stepmother? And she IS the stepmother, whether the ungrateful brat likes it or not.

Yeah- I mean if you don't have a parental relationship with them that's perfectly fine. But then don't expect a parental relationship when it's useful! And seriously... 10k is a _lot_ of money, I get that weddings are expensive but that's not your parents' responsibility.

Seriously. My dad's dated several people since I was grown, and I haven't had much of a relationship with any of them. Friendly sure, but not particularly intimate. But I don't then expect them to fork over large amounts of money for my big life events.

Agree with you. Literally who complains about getting ten grand. Like seriously.

aita for making a post on aita?

Usually "aita for standing up to a bully." Sometimes i get it, getting angry and lashing out can feel bad. But i wish people would be a little more confident in their own sense of morality.

Fr, they’re either a full on psychopath or just really insecure I go on this sub just to hear of spicy family drama that I shouldn’t care about

Don't forget the third genre, "aita for being mentally and emotionally abused?"

@@elizakarnopp8921 This one can be legit, though. When you're in the middle of that kind of situation, especially if there has been a lot of gaslighting and isolating, you a) don't have anyone close that you trust that you can go to, and b) you legitimately don't know whether you're in the wrong. Those situations are a mind-f*kk.

Actually in this set up he should be a housemaker

That classic marriage thing was really only accurate for maybe two generations. In rural times, most people worked at home, both male and female, both did an element of providing for the family by doing farm/ranch chores. Children also helped. Unfortunately, women often did work that was just as strenuous but worked longer hours. They’d be doing laundry with a washboard or manual wringer washer, canning, cooking, baking, and cleaning. But the man would be raising/growing food, cleaning equipment and barns, etc. Then suddenly there were people able to make a living off one job at a factory or office, and the second person, generally the woman, took care of home tasks. It’s crazy that men think making a woman do that plus bring home income should be a norm. That’s never how it actually worked except where men were treating women as slaves or servants.

​@@morganablackwater2017Was thinking the same thing. If she's making the money, he should be raising the kids and making the home. Strange how tradition is often bent when its in the favor of the ones who supposedly care about it so much, isn't it? Almost like it doesn't really matter outside of being a convenient way to avoid defending your ideas and behavior

For me it seems like there might perhaps be psychological problems with the young woman.

Agreed. Boundaries aren't a cheat code for telling other people what they can and can't do in common spaces without them getting any input into the situation. If she doesn't want other people touching her clothes, that's fine. After this happened a conversation about why she was upset, why they needed to do laundry that day, and how to keep the situation from coming up again would be reasonable. Her deciding she can tie up the laundry facilities for the entire day whenever she wants to is not reasonable.

Yeah, I’m the same way about my stuff and boundaries(my dad would come into my room growing up and take/move things on purpose to cure something I wasn’t bothered about until he did it!). But if I was going to be gone all day and the other person folded my laundry for me, I’d be thankful, not an entitled brat. If she has that much of a problem with people touching her stuff, then she needs to get it done and put away the second it’s dry. I’d be upset if they went into my room and took my clothes or whatever, but the parents didn’t do that in this case. Daughter is going to have to deal with people touching her stuff if she ever lives in an apartment and has to use shared laundry machines. If your stuff is done, people will take it out. Wet, dry, whatever. And they will not move it to the dryer or fold it. 🤣 you either accept it, or go get/switch your laundry as soon as possible. Don’t be gone all day.

I agree. I had someone told me their friend broke their boundaries and was toxic for it, but they never wanted to tell what their boundaries were to anyone

​@@QuentinPlantFor me, whenever someone moves my stuff, I have zero idea where it could go because I have a "system" to my chaos, so to speak. Basically, I know where everything is in my mess of a room and I don't even know how. If someone else - SPECIFICALLY SOMEONE ELSE - were to clean it up, though, while others may be thankful, I'd probably be panicking, wondering where everything went because I wasn't the one to do it. That said, it feels like she's got undiagnosed ADHD, at least in my opinion.

Insulting to the deluded.

She certainly taught the neighbour a lesson: that she's not to be trusted with anything and will let you literally die if helping out would slightly inconvenience her 😵

Absolutely. Hell i really don't like kids around me more than 5minutes and even i would do it for a neighbour i don't even know well. Not at my home tho but outside or at their place or i would go to the hospital with her, watch the 5yo and support her in that situation. Especially when i know that someone is already on the way to look after the kid. The reaction of the girlfriend is infuriating and thoughtless. Blaming him for not siding and correcting her mistake too.

I don't know that I could even stay with someone who wouldn't help out when a child literally isn't breathing. I had that happen when my child was sick at a little over a month old, and I just don't know that I could be with someone who wouldn't even watch another child during something like that. She wasn't asking her to be a doctor and save her kid or anything.

Right? Not only that, the friend never asked for help with the kids during the entire 3 years they have known each other. It sounded like she could have spared a little time, wasn't busy and doesn't hate the kids. The grandmother was on her way and would have picked up the kid in less than an hour. I don't understand why someone would refuse unless they had a legitimate excuse. Yes, she isn't REQUIRED to help and it was in her right to say no, but it was a crappy thing to do.

I agree! It's also absurd to expect the last person to get home to cook supper.

​@@WarpigA23Obviously she should just split herself into two people so she can be home before him and get this stuff done. 😂

I would have only fed my kids. If the MIL is such a proper woman, she can feed herself and her son.

​@@xladycaosx YES

I would order food only for myself and told the kids to ask they father why he thinks they don't have to eat. Men do those things cause they KNOW woman will feed everyone.

If i was the sole breadwinner and had a baby, but the babies dad wouldnt parent them while i go to work, they would be out on their a*s, heck, if the dad worked different hours theyd still have to take care of THERE OWN child while _I_ wasnt there

100000% though

Exactly it is another case of weaponized incompetence, meaning he is a father not a dad. A dad wants to take responsibility and spend time with HIS children.

I know "mother's new boyfriend left at home alone to mind the baby" is a huge red flag so she shouldn't do that. But if she's going to be supporting an adult at home on her sole-breadwinner salary, she could kick out the deadbeat husband and find an unemployed daycare worker, maybe someone who's had covid pretty badly and needs a couple of years before they go back to full time work, and have them live with her for free board and lodging in exchange for looking after her kid. Rent's expensive these days, so it shouldn't be hard to find someone willing and also suitably certified so she feels safe leaving her kid with them. Board and lodging isn't like being paid a real wage, but for someone who can't afford rent on their own income it can be an absolute lifeline!

She should leave the lazy man and use the money she is using to feed him to pay daycare

Same here - was never comfortable with small children and therefore have no real experience with them. But these things are called an "emergency" because you have to get out of your normal routine and help.

Same. Lottie had the gall to call herself friend but a friend is someone you can rely on and she clearly showed herself not to be one.

I love kids but am also child free due to my lifestyle not being a supportive environment for that sort of thing and I also have to agree here, if you care about someone you're gonna at least try to be there for them when they need you right? Even if you don't like kids you care about their parent so it's natural ( in my opinion anyways) to help out in an emergency

she was even offered pay, and still refused to watch the kid for an hour

Same! And especially when the neighbour's mom was gonna arrive soon anyway.

Ouch. That's horrible.

OMG that is disgusting!

Something about ppl wanting to spite us acespecs with invading our privacy in the worst ways. It's sexual harassment bc they assume they can A) get revenge, b) change us (???). Like bro, I would be disgusting no matter what sexuality I have. It's so insidious.

yyyucky. This a common problem among ace people? I’ve seen two comments (this one included) where something like this happened to an ace person

​@@-_Nifi_- Acephobia is real. And let's be honest this sort of treatment hasn't been exclusively to ace folk, there's really nothing new or original in homophobia

Why to have a child with useless man? I dunno, because she wants to have a child and it really doesn't matter who the sperm donor is as long as she gets the child? If the guy is not keen to look after his own kid, sounds like he hasn't been that thrilled to have a child in the first place. So many women just want to have kids and so many men just go along without ever thinking any further. Has he been a good partner untill they got the child? Is it a sudden change? Or has he been useless before and she is dumb enough to think he would change when the child is in the picture? Did he want to have a child? Or is it something he just went along with because she wanted? Did she got herself pregnant against his will? Or did he want to have a child thinking it is a good way to control her and tie her into him forever?

Weird kinks.

Some gay men are sexist, it's sadly a thing that happens because some people think they will get more respect from the jerks if they treat a other group of people the jerks also don't like, like they would be treated by that group they try to please. Like the LGB trying to rid of trans and other non cis foke, because they will think the homophobes will give them human rights. Like yeah he is rightfully mad at his friend for doing it in his bed (like i'm asexual and i don't even know a allow that thinks it's normal) but he didn't have to treat the woman like that

as a straight man I can tell you I completely understand being grossed out based on the sex (I do not think it was about gender in this case) of the people who mated on one's sheets. Sexuality can be complex and I can totally understand how the thought of a persons private parts touching your sheets can be grossing someone out more than the one you are attracted to. I do not think it was about the woman being blamed here, it is more like "damn you, sleeping with someone on my bed, ESPECIALLY if that person is a woman". People are not at fault for what disgusts them sexually, and one's own bed should definatly be a safe space in that regard.

Yeah, focusing on the gender made it weird. The fact that strangers have been getting railed in his bed when he's out of the house IS disgusting, morally and from a hygiene standpoint. The gender of the stranger really shouldn't be the main focus. I would feel disgusted AF realizing I'd been laying in the sweat and juices of who knows how many strangers every night.

Some people have weird kinks that cross the line of reasonable.

Like Am I the asshole because I was upset that I had ice cold water balloons thrown at me as a “prank”? That’s my perception of half of the subreddit, anyway.

@@RonanDahlman-ci1qlAnd the other half is "Am I the asshole for pulling a harmless prank of ice cold water balloons mid-January?

Am I the AH for denying a family of four starving children my spare food that I can easily afford to give after they helped me, or am I the ah for telling my family to stop letting their child set my house on fire

people who are both:

@@gulfgiggleanimations4472 yeah, pretty much.

what I'm getting from the comments is that this isn't an uncommon problem for asexuals, which is honestly upsetting as hell

@@Romanticoutlaw yeah, apparently it's to shove in their face that "sex is normal"? Like wtf!? That's so disgusting and a MASSIVE invasion of privacy no matter the person's sexuality. Not to mention the fact that not all ace people are averse to sex, and even if they are, that point is stupid and immature. I'm a cis-het woman and I would be APPALLD if I found out someone was f*cking in my bed. Would probably burn the sheets.

It infuriates me. I am so glad I know now so awareness can be spread. I feel so bad for aro/ace people ​@Romanticoutlaw

Honestly didn’t think it could get worse, the fact they’re ace-spec did make it worse. That dorm mate is a b_tch

This is why I could never share my room with anyone. That entire concept feels so weird to me as well (not asexuality, but the concept of having two strangers share a room).

It also baffles me how she was self-aware enough to think saying what she said in front of the children might have put him down or embarrassed him in the eyes of their children and harm his authority but doesn't doesn't blame him for doing exactly that to her. He literally just told their children that she is a "not good enough" mother and should do better, that does impact how children see their parent. Remember, never belittle our partner in general but especially in front of your children, like wtf?

@elenakopylova2684 Exactly. It's bad enough that she's being treated poorly by her mother-in-law, but then it gets worse when her husband doesn't have the spine to stand up against his mom to defend his wife & worse when ends up siding with his mom to belittle her about not being a "traditional" homemaker despite him being just fine with the arrangement until his mom overstepped her bounties. Like if an arrangement needs to be adjusted, you discuss that with your partner in private & respectfully. You don't public shame them & berate them, especially in front of the children, because they're going to pick up that's it's okay to do that to people to get what they want. She should have kicked both her mother-in-law & husband out of the house & spent the night with kids. Maybe even have a discussion with the husband away from his mother-in-law about what they're going to do next & if they need to reconsider the marriage because if he's going to be a doormat for his mom & allow her to bully his wife then he's not going to a good husband nor a good father

It would be divorce for me if my husband said that in front of the kids.

These days, 'tradition' really is just another word for 'dogma' by people who don't want to admit they're being dogmatic. Occasionally it'll have an innocent meaning like how christmas is a tradition, or the "we always visit this one diner just off the highway every time we go to this theme part" kind of stuff, but most of the time when people talk about tradition these days it's just dogma.

@Gormathius Exactly. It depends on the context of what they're talking about. Any time it's used in the context of marriage, children, roles, dressing, toys, etc, it's about instilling a dogmatic belief into someone. Although a Dogma or Dogmatic belief itself is neutral, it depends on if it's being forced (intentionally or not) or spoken about in a kind of open-ended way/neutral way. For example: Teaching a child from an early age that marriage & having kids is important & that it should be a goal for them in their life vs teaching them that that marriage &/or having kids is something that some people do & some don't but letting them know that those things will be up to them when they get older. One thing I will also note is for innocent traditions that can get nasty depending on how important they take said tradition. If say that diner was closed that day or had been shut down so the family going to the theme park has to go somewhere else would they just simply start a new tradition somewhere else or would they do something silly like not go to the theme park or would they drive who knows how many miles to find that specfic diner that was open. It's all about context & how important the tradition is treated

Or they can get over themselves and buy a clothes rack. You know, for rainy days and build up. Communal space does not mean personal property becomes communal. The space WAS used communally. 10 hours isn't that long for laundry. There is no way unless they live in the most arid area in the world that her clothes would be bone dry in an hour. How did they know her clothes were dry in that time? General rule: do not touch other people's stuff, even if it impedes your schedule by a couple hours, but only when it's genuinely life or death. If she did her laundry at the end of the day, it would have had to stay on overnight, staying damp for longer, probably not dried till she needed to leave for work. I'm sure you've done it plenty of times. Put a load on, got ready for work, hung it out, went to work, came home, took it off. Heck, even I did that, with a similar living situation, and at no point did my mother tell me to take my washing off the line except for when it was about to rain. And never took it off for me. Only with me if she asked. If it rained or the whole outside line was occupied, she hung out clothes on clothes racks (we call them clotheshorses). Also, how would an entire hamper of one person's clothes take up enough line space, but 5 loads could be hung out? Even if by the 3rd, they took the first off. I call bull that her clothes were fully dry. Just a nothing burger made over a simple problem which could be solved with a $20 purchase.

I have the same issue as OP, the idea of somebody touching my clothes, especially my underwear makes me extremely uncomfortable. What I did was I bought myself a little fold-out clothes rack for like $20, and used that instead so that my family can use the regular clothes line. Or I take my clothes to a laundromat (not sure if they have this in the US), and I use the washing machines and dryers there.

​@@audreydoyle5268if it's such a non-issue then the daughter can do that rather than encroaching and taking over the laundry area while having an unreasonable boundary for the household.

@@audreydoyle5268 friend, is it perpetually cloudy, humid, and cold, with absolutely no wind where you live? how is _10 hours_ not "that long" for laundry? we used to dry denim, linens, and heavy quilts/blankets out on the line because our dryer couldnt handle them, and even those rarely took more than ~6 hours unless there was like no sun and muggy weather. also dont just abandon a task all afternoon and leave it strewn to hell and back in peoples way. _She_ can get over herself and get a clothes rack for _her_ space if she wants to just set it and forget it.

"Don't touch my clothes" kinda makes sense in a college dorm (as long as you don't keep the washing machine occupied all day). I feel like she had some bad experiences in that regard, even if she tells the parents that everything is alright. But she appears to have forgotten that her parents had already been touching her clothes _for 18 years_ before she moved out to college. When I had moved out for uni, I wouldn't have wanted some rando at the laundromat touch my laundry, just like I wouldn't have touched theirs. But same as Click, I was always happy to come home for the weekend and have my mum do my laundry.

IIRC, according to an article I read: in order for one wage-earner in the USA to provide a traditional middle-class lifestyle for a SAHM and kids, it takes a roughly 130k income. ...This according to an article I read. Of course, that will vary, usually due to housing costs. The median wage is (again IIRC) 41K.

Elmo is waiting for you to fall asleep.

The video is practically over for you now Nini

I usually listen to click while deifting off to sleep

Yep same here

Or fall asleep to this

Honestly though, weirdly enough in my personal experience it's more often been the older female relative who tells their male relative that their young male relative should make his wife act more traditional. Maybe it's a sort of projection or a "you can't have it better than i" mentality

​@@tomlxyzI suppose its out of jealousy, "I was nothing but a servant to my family my whole life, how come you get to decide what you want to do with your life and I couldn't?!"

​@@tomlxyz I'm pretty sure it goes the other way, too: often when a guy gets teased or bullied for not being "conventionally masculine" enough it's by other men. What's with that?

@@eyesofthecervino3366 honestly I've never seen that happen, in my experience it was always a women who enforced it

Dude, my dog caught her nail on the sheet at a hotel and I told them before I was even done checking out! It was only a couple drops, but you should always say something if there’s a possibility of stains! And not saying anything to a friend in that case is just nuts, I would be asking where the stain remover is and wash it myself.

OMG I hope it was a nosebleed 🤢

Wtf I would be mortified if I bled all over someone's sheets, I'd immediately ask where the washing machine is or paying for new sheets

18:30 is 6:30 but your point still stands

@@airacummins5076it says 830 which is 8:30 without the “:”

Lol traumatise the children rather than work through a problem with a partner. Everyone does stupid things. Once I had calmed down, I would use it as a teachable moment. "Honey, your parents manipulated you into neglecting our children to make me feel guilty for having a job. They used their own grandchildren for leverage. Honey, children are not tools. Never allow this to happen again." But no, just throw the partner away and do without. Everyone should be a master parent by the second child. No one can be manipulated by someone else with twenty plus years of parenting experience. It's not like his parents know exactly which buttons to press to manipulate their son. The man just needs education, he should start to see the pattern of manipulation.

Divorce!? Because he lost his spine in front of his parents? Oh for fricks sake. They have three kids together and work very well together normally (shared chores and all). For YEARS. And you suggest divorce over one problem? Wow. I hope you're not in a serious relationship. Just tear him a new one, talk it out, explain why he frickt up majorly, go to couples therapy if anything else fails, but just throw away a long term partnership with your spouse and co-parent, because they acted dumb? That's really concerning, cold and honestly a bit disgusting.

​@@lethfuilfr people on the internet that never had a relationship are the quickest to suggest a break up/divorce even when communication would solve 90% of these situations lmao

Great attitude. I wish more people would see it that way. This way we would probably have fewer buttholes that drag others down with their *success. *Success: Getting a partner even though or precisely because you are a piece of sh*t.

I think it's pretty nasty to judge people by the personality/beliefs/actions of their parents. If they share the same properties, sure, but just because someone is from a traditional family doesn't necessarily mean they believe in that stuff.

@@theuncalledfor oh, i didn’t mean it like that! i’m talking about if they believe in the traditional beliefs, i wouldn’t go out with them. most of the time traditional beliefs come from people who grew up around places where that traditional belief is super common, which is why i used that example. didn’t mean to come off like i was judging everybody from those families, i’m just saying that personally, i wouldn’t date somebody IF they had those beliefs, not just if they come from a traditional family. i used bad phrasing, sorry!

@@vixithespiderling See, now THAT is perfectly reasonable.

@@theuncalledfor ty for lmk that what i said can come off the wrong way. i appreciate it! :D

Like literally how could be a physical incapability ever be a moral failing? You plain cant stand on a leg ulyou aint got. Pressuring sonwinw unsafe foe driving to drive caude they inconvinience you endangers not judt them, but also everyone else on the streets. It is plain foebidden to have a drivers licence if you ar3 to visiually impaired or on certain meds. Would that father prefere his kid dead or in jail?! There is nothing disrespectful about stating the very trye fact, tgat having a disabled kid does come with limitations

As a 59 year old who is awaiting a diagnosis for ADHD and Autism. My daughter and grandson are both diagnosed. The amount of awful comments I have had when telling people is astounding.

​@stampandscrap7494 Shut up, you're not 59! You look fabulous ❤

@@stampandscrap7494 I am so sorry you had to go through that. It is never okay for people to talk down to anyone when it is something like that. Having an opinion is fine, but it doesn't mean it is right or that you need to share it. I hope in the future you dont have to deal with people like that. I do always remind myself that they don't live my life so I will not let their words change how I do so. It is hard and it is something I still to this day have to repeat to myself. Know that you have me that is happy to support you and wishes you to always be in the best of health

@@AmieMorley-st6tz I don't look that good anymore lol that was about 6 years ago. Been ill a lot

This. As soon as I heard Click start reading out that post, I recognized it immediately. I read it when it was first posted. I'm disabled and unable to drive too, and I thought the post might have some good ideas for me to try. The comment section was HORRENDOUS. Absolute cesspool. Lots of people calling her lazy and good-for-nothing, gossiping that she was probably lying about her doctor telling not to drive, saying things like "I'd love to hear what the doctor ACTUALLY said". There were people telling her that no one should bother caring about her situation because "clearly she doesn't care about her own future" if she hasn't figured out how to live 100% independently with major disabilities at 22 years old. Lots of stuff like "my cousin's hairdresser's sister in law has one of your disorders, and SHE works full time, so clearly you're just not trying hard enough". Can't say I'm super proud how much I let it get to me, but I was in tears by the time I clicked away from that post. I don't think people realize how still in 2024, ablism is way out of control, and if you're disabled you frequently get people saying stuff like that.

@@kimikicchi2816 Horrifying, legitimately so. We need walkable dense cities. No more sprawl outs.

This. A 5yo isn't even that difficult for an hour. I have a 6 and 4yo and my 4 yo would be a bit challenging. 5 is an easy age, snacks and TV for an hour. If I had a 'friend' and they refused to watch my 5yo for an hour under the same circumstances, it would be clear I had one less friend than I thought. I definitely wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a person who made such a boundary either. It reminds me of the person who dumped their SO when the SO got cancer. They beat the cancer and the dumper wanted to get back together. Um, no.

The fact this is worded like that makes me think something else *must* be going on honestly, like what was Lotta doing at the time? OP tells us she was busy but the fact he doesn't say *what* she was doing almost makes it seem like he's leaving that detail out on purpose if it was a good enough reason. Like if she's working at home at the time, she might not be able to handle a five year old, especially if there's stuff in their apartments a five year old shouldn't get their hands on or cooking or doing anything else that she can't stop doing at the moment to watch a five year old.

@@Renni_Jay THIS. Honestly bothers me that no one questioned if she really was just too busy to handle that just then and OP not giving any context about it is definitely weird.

@@DooriChan Right? It's way too suspicious we haven't gotten any details and honestly? I've looked after five year olds, if you aren't ready and haven't had time to get your house ready for five year olds, it's hard, especially if you need to do *anything else!* And the last thing you want when you have to take one kid to the emergency room is to get a call from the person you left your other kid with that your oldest got into something they shouldn't have and got hurt. You really can't just leave a five year old in front of the TV and ignore them, that's not how it works!

​@Renni_Jay I'm aware there are some employers that won't accept one hour of no activity in a WFH situation, those are the bad ones. Everyone else would be understanding and the bad ones can be lied to so they think the wifi went out for an hour. Cooking? Can be stopped for an hour in almost every case and the boyfriend told dinner is late because of the medical emergency. I honestly can't think of a single situation where angry looks from coworkers or a hungry partner is so much more important than helping someone you consider a friend in this situation. Home not child friendly? Put everything that can't be safely left right away somewhere it will be safe and do the babysitting in the apartment of the friend. Even when you get overwhelmed in the moment and say no because you don't immediately realize these things can be arranged, you then feel extremely embarrassed the second you realize what you could have done to handle it. This lady wants just the benefits and not the duties of an actual friendship and doesn't even want to put in the work required to fix the relationship. ETA: I'm autistic, have ADHD and get easily overwhelmed. I can still handle hanging out with a five year old for an hour. I have in fact done so at times with several neighborhood kids. An emergency is also generally not a situation where you are told to adhere to parenting rules. Lost your cool and yelled at kid (never happened to me but could have) will in all likelihood result in an apology from the people asking the favor for having had to put you in a situation you weren't ready for. I think the busy thing wasn't mentioned in an attempt to withhold another point to criticize the GF over when he wanted to concentrate on her refusal to do this favor and his refusal to fix the results for her when he rightfully doubted there was anything he could do.

The whole story before sounded like he wasn't like that usually.

Society and patriarchy shames women for having standards and doesn't want them to get men on their level because they don't want women having power instead they want control over women but of course it's acceptable that men can have high standards and get a women who's way above them I think there is a study about women choosing men who aren't compatible with them and choose men who are lower but men always choose women who are way above them

It can be easier to steer away of the influence of parents when you are not in their presence all the time. But it might be more difficult when they are around 24/7. If you have been raised in a household with strict and controlling parents with certain values, it can be very difficult to step out of it and especially go against them face to face. One might even need a hefty amount of therapy to be able to do so.

That joke was so cheesy that lactose intolerant people shouldn’t read it.

@@SilverWatercress uh I already read it I’m gonna die 😭

@@SilverWatercress I am taking that!

🤓 Anti Gravity would not make a book harder to put down. Anti Gravity is a Sci Fi concept involving electromagnetism. It's not the same as zero G or free fall. I'm never invited to parties.

@@AIHumanEqualityDon’t worry man, you can come to my party. We can just angrily correct each other for two hours with snacks. 😀

There is really nothing about your disability that makes you a failure. It wasn't your choice to have said disability so don't listen to assholes who try to convince you that it's your fault. It sucks having a disability or a disorder that prevents you from living your live like any other "healthy" human but it shouldn't strip you frome your rights as a human being since that's what you are. You should not feel guilty for things outside of your control. You deserve all the same rights and possibilities other people have, disabled or not. I'm sorry if I worded it weird or funny, English is not my native language so I apologise in advance for any mistakes that might be in my comment, I see it as practice to improve so feel free to correct me if I'm being too silly in my comment or somehow unintentionally insulted you, that is definitely not what im going for, just trying to contribute to the conversation 😅

I had a phobia and was truly afraid to drive . Finally learned at 23. But if the car breaks down, I take the bus or Lyft/Uber. I think the country you live in makes a difference as well. The US is designed for automobiles. Sad, since others forms of transportation would be very useful.

I have social anxiety and I'm a highly anxious person but don't know where to get help and my family is pressuring me getting my drivers license 🙃

@@Shaytan.666 Hey, just an anxious fella wanting to help. Where do you live and how old are you? From my experience its always the best to contact a professional, if you think you have a mental disorder it's best to find a psychiatrist, it's the only person at this point who can help you find out what the problem is, diagnose it and eventually prescribe your medication or/and therapy. If you have the possibility it wouldn't hurt to ask your doctor to get you in a psychiatric hospital (is that what it's called in englisch, i hope so😅) It would definitely be more efficient to have professionals to observe your behaviour and symptoms to diagnose you correctly plus choose the right medication that won't have unexpected effect on you or no effect at all, that's what I went through and I don't regret it one bit.

Hope your parents least are nice about it. You're disabled, that's not something you can turn off.

That's not gaslighting. It's very clear he always was on his parent's side. He simply didn't have the balls to tell his wife what he wants. The fact he basically called her "not a proper wife" and a bad mother would've been the end of the relationship for me. This guy deserves to live in his mother's basement.

​@@Finckelstein I dunno, I can see how it would take a lot of time and work for him to slowly rid himself of these values that have been ingrained since childhood, how that would be made easier by having a progressive partner but then more difficult when he was once again around the people who brought him up. Don't get me wrong, his behavior pissed me off too, but I don't think it's as black and white as you're describing it. People are complex. I do think this was him backsliding from actual progress (not that that makes it a whole lot better).

I can also see it as a situation where his mother potentially forced him to do this, since the story said he was standing next to her with his head down. The only thing I would see wrong with that would be that he didn’t fight back, if he was truly working to change his values.

@@verenabecker2724 I see where you are coming from, but honestly, we're not talking about a teenager here. His deconstruction of his misogynistic upbringing should've been completed before he had a child with this woman. Let alone multiple. We're most likely talking about people in their 30's. How much more time is she supposed to give him? While this is, as you say, not black and white, I'd say it's a very, very dark and a very, very light shade of grey. The fact that he called her a bad wife and mother in front of her kids is a 100% deal breaker for me.

@@Finckelstein "While this is, as you say, not black and white, I'd say it's a very, very dark and a very, very light shade of grey." People need to stop using the "black and white" phrase when describing complex human behaviours, cause you might as well have just said "it's a black and white situation" with as description like this. The point of the matter is that both "the husband is trying to make progress by unlearning his bigoted upbringing" and "he still holds a lot of sexist beliefs that he needs to unlearn" can be correct at the same time. People in reality are not like fictional characters with just a list of traits and a backstory after all. Of course, the big thing to keep in mind is that we're just outsiders reading this story and know practically nothing about this person, so to us, he does just seem like a sexist asshole. So for you to think the way you do about the husband is honestly pretty normal and probably the most common viewpoint of the husband regarding this story. Regardless, we're just faceless strangers that are reading this story, so it's impossible to tell how deeply rooted his issues are. I say the most we can see from this is that the husband clearly still has a lot to unlearn and that his parents being in his life is harmful for the family clearly.

I would forget my own birthday date if it wouldn't be asked for regulary. But my childs birthday? That date is burned into my brain, with some vivid memories of the birth.

That's got to be deeper issues. He said she didn't adapt well after the divorce - I'd be looking for either substance abuse or serious mental health issues. And he didn't actually say why they divorced, so it's not out of the question that she's got a bunch of trauma-related stuff going on from whatever he did to her before and during the divorce, either. Men abusing their wife until she has major cPTSD symptoms and then using the evidence of those symptoms to get custody of the kids is a very old story, particularly when he's obviously got a lot more money than her and it's cheaper to get a new wife to look after the kids than to pay child support. I'm only extrapolating from similar situations I've seen up close and I might be completely wrong, but I wouldn't assume she's a bad mother just on her ex's say so.

@@tealkerberus748 I also would assume the divorce was cause he was an abusive husband. My parents divorced not because my dad abused my mother but mire that she felt like he wasn't being supportive of her anymore, and they started have major difference opinions about life style.

Lotta‘s real name is probably Karen. Seriously, her behaviour are some gigantic red flags. I would run away as long as I still can. That’s not going to end well.

I don't know... I'm 19, I hate kids too, of all ages. I'm not experienced with them at all, I don't know the first thing about looking after them, even for 10 minutes. I don't know what they want or need. I'm also a very easily distracted person, a very selfish person, I don't want anything to happen to the kid I'm supposed to be taking care of. Imagine if that woman dumped her kid on me, took the infant to the hospital, meanwhile the kid I'm looking after needs the hospital too because I wasn't fit to look after it. I don't want that responsibility. I don't want that guilt. However, I think I'd feel equally as guilty if the infant died because of me, because I refused to watch her kid. But then again, couldn't she ask someone else? Edit: I also have anger issues and I am not a patient person. I don't want someone to thrust a child into my care and it turns out I yelled at them or mistreated them, or traumatised them.

Yeah, I really don't like these types of reactions. Especially if you are calling the person you refuse to help your friend. People are supposed to help each other, we are supposed to be a community. Just give the kid an iPad and put a cartoon on, jfc.

Honestly if you live in a similar situation as that person. Leave the USA. Even THE Car Country Germany, where cars are considered more than just vehicles, has WAY better public transport and is built to never require you to drive a car! The USA simply hates disabled people and won't become disability friendly in your life time.

This!!! It just feels wrong to have someone naked in your bed especially if you dont know them and arent attracted to them.

I dunno, for me, it's weird to be like, eww, that stranger that was in my bed and having sex was ... a woman (or insert other gender(s) that you are not attracted to). I'm aroace, so maybe I just don't get it, but why is the body of a person whose gender I'm not attracted to suddenly disgusting? The fact that it was a stranger (and my friend who I also don't want to have sex in my bed) is the problem, not their gender. If a straight guy was disgusted by a gay friend having sex with a man in his bed, he would be crucified for being homophobic. And gay men are very much capable of misogyny 😶.

@@sternenblumen that is you and that ok but I'm on Ops side and this commenters too I would burn my bed if I found out a man had been in there I'm repulsed by them I can tolerate men but having them near me is something I try to avoid as much as possible because of mistreatment from them and bad experiences The thing about homophobic straight men is that gay men are a marginalized group too and have been excluded, eradicated, executed, mistreated for most part of human history whereas straight men on the other hand have the most privileges in society till this day so those two aren't really comparable It's just like saying "If the roles were reversed then bla bla bla" and something misogynistic comes out of their mouth but I agree on the misogyny part about gay men I've had my fair share of misogynistic gay men

Dude all these people getting hung up on him not wanting naked women specifically in his bed are crazy. Like, if I were a gay man, I would be revolted at having a stranger's semen in my bed. By I'd be even more revolted at having a stranger's vag juices on my bed. Heck, I'm bi and this is still disgusting either way 🤢

​@@sternenblumenl think the bed thing was awful behaviour and that it was being done in secret just makes it worse. Absolutely a boundary that should never be crossed. IMO the comment about it being with a gender the bed owner finds unattractive was just their attempt to explain an added level of disgust. I imagine a bit like a (hypothetical) vegetarian friend would feel if they discovered the "vegetarian" food l'd been cooking and feeding them was just me lifting the lumps of meat out in secret. 😊

And something also tells me that that mother doesn't act as a trad wife in her own home, making things even more hypocritical.

@@kempolar9768especially since she seems to be the one telling the man of the house what to do

Was this the day before Christmas, with the shelves nearly bare? Yes, there are Lego sets that are several hundred dollars, but there are many, many more that are $10, $20, $30.

Same. I've driven for some time and I saw that I am not a safe driver. Why should I continue to endanger myself and others?!

She seems like a sociopath to me. Certainly she's not the friend she thinks she is!

​@@WarpigA23To both ya: Psychosis and sociopathy needn't thrown 'round so carelessly. Psychopaths and sociopaths are better than that, believe it or not.

​@@youtubeuniversity3638no. They're not. I have an ex that is diagnosed as one of those amd a brother thats been diagnosed as the other. And no. They are not. If anything it should stop being thrown around because in reality they're much worse.

@@Insertia_Nameia Either way, hopefully we can all agree that both terms are very much overused and really shouldn't be employed in such a way by anyone not in a legitimate position to make a diagnosis.

@@Insertia_Nameia ah yes the Ole "I had a bad experience with this one person that had this personality trait so all people with it must be bad even though my frame of reference is garbage.

Disability comes in a wide variety and it's especially bad when it's not clearly visible. I'm very short-sighted - if I have to ask for help in a store because I can't read the prices etc, I doesn't mind if ppl react strangely, they couldn't know it. But with family, it's devastating when they ask me to fetch them something and I have to ask them to specify and describe it. ("The tin of ground pepper, what colour is it?" - "But it's clearly labelled" - "Well, I could take each of the tins with spices out of the cupboard so that I'm able to read it...")

​@QuentinPlant same. I can only come to the conclusion that my parents did not care enough about me to bother remembering. They always told me that "you'd remember if you cared". And I'm talking things like not remembering that I have a food allergy. I've been managing my own food allergy since I was two years old, and they just tease me for being "picky"

@@Werevampiwolf you and @QuentinPlant deserve medals. That's just fucked up on so many levels. I'm sorry your families are like this.

Honestly, nothing's freer than not having to worry about a car. I've travelled more than 1000 miles around my country without a car, and lived fairly independently before hiring my support worker. Glad to hear you and yours have and may hopefully continue to make progress into deconstructing ableism

I most likely cannot drive either. I have given up getting a liscence due to my health. Especially after one of my best friends died in a car accident last year (after possibly having a seizure behind the wheel). You are not a failure and you are awesome!!!

Re: mourning independence I really feel that, I'm disabled and it's extremely unlikely that I'll ever have the kind of independence my parents probably expected for me. My mom is great and rly supportive, said I'd always have a home with her no matter what, but she's such an independent person who's worked rly hard to claw her way out of poverty with racism sexism and classism against her. So it's hard not to feel like kind of a failure u know? Idk what kind of kid she imagined she would have, but it probably wasn't me 😅 I know it's not my fault but I just feel kinda regretful or guilty anyway. Idk sometimes I just wish that I could've been different instead. Maybe done something special to help my mom out and repay her for everything she's done for me, make up for all the times she had to go without bc of her family's situation or had to miss school events for work. so that she can feel taken care of, the way she's always taken care of me like uno reverse! lol 😅 Haha sorry for the ramble, op's trouble with their dad not understanding that it's not safe for op to drive against doctor's advice just reminded me that I can't drive either and it made me all maudlin. But who knows how things will turn out? Driving isn't the only skill in the world, what matters is finding creative solutions to help u live ur best life, regardless of whether other folks would consider it a life "worth living". ☺️ Good luck out there fam 👍

Fun fact, that guy was actually Shakespeare. He also had one of the first yo momma jokes under his belt.

That punchline has already been used by Epic Rap Battles. Gandhi vs MLK battle if anyone's wondering.

@@AIHumanEqualitythanks mate!

GANDHI VS MLK?!?!?! ​@@AIHumanEquality

@@friendlyneigborhoodbean Yep and it's acted by Key and Peele. It's amazing.

I love your mother

So your father went back to his mom and she thought it was okay to neglect her grandson's schooling? Well, perhaps how she brought up her son might have been one thing that lead to the divorce...

@@QuentinPlant basically, and dad only wanted my brother and I to choose him, so he would not need to pay alimony.

Good for you. Have a great time!!

​@@kimmyb8276i will, thank you!

We can all try and comment on it to make sure it gets more attention!

Good luck with that big step

Well that's an amazing news! I'm happy you got to leave people who hurt you

given this behavior started after her first year of college suggest its a defense mechanism from dealing with freshmen dorm washrooms

@@rendratvandonkereschrijver2912 I can imagine the amount of times her clothes were taken out of the dryer and then never seen again

Have the set and can confirm it was $70 for 724 pieces originally.

😆😆

But burnt isn't the same as toasted.

@@AIHumanEquality it is in my joke xD

Got me in the first half

> 2 or 3 days wow, that's so fucking gross D:

But in the US it can be contested, unless there is a specific mention of an individual in the will, as an oversight, hence why often people will put in their will $1 to an individual in their will so that no lawyer would take the case to try and get the will contested

Or they could buy a clothes rack

​@@audreydoyle5268or she could buy a clothes rack. Or ask for one

Oh do you have a link perhaps? I'd like to read that one

@@laurelyn unfortunately I heard it on another channel and can’t remember where. It might be Vincy or Dark Fluff, but I also listen to random ones so I can’t be sure.

Looked it up, because I have the discontinued set in question, it does actually go for $300 OPENED nowadays. The set was originally $70, which was actually reasonably priced for what was included. Scalpers and resellers are ridiculous.

@@swaggfox1195 if it's the helmet I'm thinking of then $70 is definitely still a bit much cause it's pretty small. Maybe if it was actually a life size helmet model

Most sets are NOT over $100. Get your facts straight.

@@WarpigA23 most semi large sets are over or near $100 and have no reason to be near that price

The sets targeted at adult collectors are expensive and usually limited, so FOMO aftermarket prices can get pricey for some.

I don't think he would have been less pissed, but he certainly would have been less repulsed. If he wouldn't ever want to be put in a position where he has to touch a woman's naked form, why would he want her naked body or the fluids from it on his bed?

Meh not everyone wants people of the opposite gender to hang out in their bed or feels comfortable around them I too would be repulsed if I discovered that a man had been in my bed

@EndisNai This 100%. If you’re not attracted to someone/ some gender and have learned they were naked and leaving behind various fluids on your bed, then yes, it would be extra gross. S*x repulsion is a thing and a number of different sexualities can experience it. Pretty hard to filter out a reaction when something like that is happening right there in person in front of you in a place that is supposed to be your bed-your safe space.

It is, actually. Many people are sexually repulsed by the sex/gebder they're not attracted to. Yes, the offense is bad itself but it's made worse by the sex repulsion. He probably only added it as well to possibly explain, given that his straight male friends said he overreacted, so he probably thinks his sexuality has something to do with it. But as a lesbian, I would also be more disgusted and close to puking when finding out there was a naked man in my bed, spreading his bodily fluids. I would still feel disgusted if it was a women, but not to the point of puking. Attraction does play a hand in what you find disgusting and to which degree.

Tbf, even if there's gay sex over OP's bed, it's still pretty gross for OP lol Since it involves strangers, for one.

I mean, he didn't phrase it arrogantly. He just said he's disgusted there were women in his bed.