Podcast: open.spotify.c... Patreon: / rslash Discord: / discord 0:00 Intro 0:09 Do not mess with IT 10:03 SIL exposed "Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) License: CC By Attribution 3.0
for story 2: I grew up thinking exactly like SIL does; everyone hates be because I always got the plate with the chip in it, I always got greeted last, I always got the scratchy towel, etc. etc. These were very real reasons to me, and I even brought it up to my parents once, and got told I was ridiculous, which only cememented it further, that they hated me. Today, I'm a diagnosed schizophrenic. SIL may very well be in the same category of having pursecutory thoughts.
Not a serious comment, just wanted to say: "pursecutory" is one of those words that looks like it's misspelled even when it's not. XD I had to think about it for a minute. Glad you're doing better these days! 💖
@@demonicdragongod3334 I totally agree. And she knows she’s in the wrong, because she is going out of her way to keep it from everyone. Like…. Im not trying to sound insensitive to mental illnesses, mainly because I have experience with mental illness…. But…. I feel like this is more…. Narcissistic, than anything else.
@@demonicdragongod3334 It seemed like she was doing both. Both inventing scenarios from scratch where she was a victim, and turning meaningless coincidences into iRrEfUtAbLe EvIdEnCe.
The last story became a self-fulfilling prophecy. She convinced herself that the entire family hated her, and after they read about the lies she was spreading about them, they all did.
A great interview question that should be asked to new managers: So what plans do you have once you have this position? If they answer anything along the lines of shaking things up for a department that is working fine how it is don't hire/promote them.
I support hiring from within whenever possible or at the very least have experience in the field, the majority of my managers are people who started as normal software engineers and climbed the ladder to engineering manager
"And why do you think you need to fix something that is not broken? To make it your own? We arent looking into hiring you to make parts of our company in your image, we are looking into hiring you to manage what we own already. If you cannot do that you have no buissness ever being any form of a manager or a boss for anything. You lack the basic understanding of what it means to work in this position, and just want to be in a position of power." Is something these specimen need to hear imo, call that shit out troughoutly from higher ups. And teach whoever in your company handles hiring people to teach this lesson.
Except that's exactly what upper management is looking for. You think you get management positions when you have no plans of any kinds of change? Every. Single. New manager I've ever had has made stupid changes and decisions because it's actually literally what is expected of them.
@@Richard_Nickerson it depends on the company culture really. For most companies that's likely true enough because imo large corporations are some of the worst run places to exist nowadays. If you can't treat your employees well enough to generate a decent amount of loyalty & manage your turnover, you have no business managing anyone imo. If I'm paying less than the company down the road but I have a pizza party every Friday, people are still gonna apply at the place down the road first so that company will get their pick of talent & I'll have to make due with anyone who wasn't good enough to get a job there. Business people always praise the free market right up until employees figure out that their labor is also traded on the free market. Then they wanna talk about why nobody has company loyalty anymore. Umm, yea, no kidding. Loyalty made way more sense for employees when you retired with a company funded pension after working there your whole life & were paid enough to buy a life/support a family by yourself. Now you're lucky if you're still making more after working there a decade than someone hired today in a lot of places. It's so baffling that anyone acts like employees should have any loyalty anymore. You aren't paying them to. Nobody is at any job for the fun of it or for personal enrichment. They're there solely for financial enrichment. If they don't like how much you're enriching them, they'll move along. I feel like this should be obvious to other managers & executives, yet somehow it isn't at all. Like I said...baffling.
The sad thing is, the boss in the first story had half a point, but he went about it all wrong . Relying on a single dude who built the system that the entire company relies on, and is the only one to understand it, is indeed CRAZY. In my career, I've seen not one, but two team leads who spent more than a month in hospital due to bike accidents - and if your company can't take that kind of hit, it's bad management and nothing else. Of course, the proper thing to do is to treat that guy well, and hire other people to learn how it work and document everything properly.
The first boss DEFINITELY had a point. I guarantee that the OP is one of those older "I know this one thing, and this is what I'll always use and never learn anything else" types of guys. I've met those types -- they're actually pretty terrible to work with. (And keep in mind, if OP has been working 25 years, then I'm roughly the same age as OP. And I'm CONSTANTLY trying to learn new things, because I won't rely on shit I learned back in 1996) I also guarantee that he uses PERL -- which, yes, is still used by a lot of Fortune 500 companies, but it's a garbage language that is difficult to troubleshoot and work with. I've inherited systems written in PERL, and they required an insane amount of work just to figure out what someone was trying to do (because you can write the same code in like 1000 stupid ways, and everyone writes it differently) We've all seen what happens when you use archaic languages and systems -- it causes messes like what happened with Southwest Airlines this past Christmas season. And the weird desire to only use email to communicate? Who the hell does that? It's 2023. Do I use email? Yes. But there are way more effective ways to communicate. So though the management messed up by letting an archaic engineer pretty much control the company, OP is an ahole as well for being a shitty engineer. And a vindictive one. I'm glad they got fired.
@@jimbobjones9330 But the boss completely went about it the wrong way. It seems like their plan was to get OP fired as soon as they found out how OP worked
@@BryanLu0 For sure the boss went about it the wrong way. I've had shitty bosses before -- they can be utterly useless and destructive to the company. That said, this is as much on OP and the bosses that let OP have that much control (with little oversight -- I'm not saying they needed to manage their every move. But at least having a 30,000-foot understanding of everything in place would have done a world of good) Think about it. If an entire system can be taken down because of deletion of a single user account, that system is shit and that's on the people who made those decisions (which in this case would be OP, since they were left alone to do what they wanted for far too long) I'm sure they fired the new manager, not because they fired OP, but because they (the company) were looking for a fall guy since they were embarrassed they'd allowed OP to have free reign for far too long.
The fact that a personal user account had critical information stored on it definitely shows a huge flaw in how it was setup in the first place. All of this should have been in some sort of source control system, shared network drive, something, anything. It sounds like the new boss could've been terrible and had no idea how to implement what he was saying; we've all had one (or many) of those, that's for sure.
@@channelnotfound403 Definitely. The new boss should have come in and learned everything about the old systems before trying to get rid of OP. But then again, we're only getting OP's side. For all we know, the new boss DID ask for changes/updates to systems, OP bitterly refused because they didn't want to learn new things, and didn't like being told what to do after so many years, and eventually got fired. At very least, the company crashing was as much on OP's shitty engineering as the boss not understanding how shitty of a job OP did.
Pretty sure that second story, that woman gaslit herself into a paranoid delusion fantasy. She was so convinced that they hated her that she saw the hate in everything they did and reshaped her mindset to reflect that.
It is possible to lie to yourself. My exhusband did it and quite effectively at that. It just wasn't about people hating him. In his fantasy world, he was the perfect deputy sheriff that everyone loved and respected, and everything that ever went wrong was my fault. He even convinced himself that I was having an affair on him, that my daughter wasn't his child, and that I was badmouthing him to the kids every chance I got, none of which was true. Do my kids, who are now 26 and 23, hate him? Yes, but he accomplished that all on his own. I didn't have to say a thing. People like that can't comprehend that the world doesn't revolve around them. They reshape their reality to fit their desired narrative, and confronting them with the truth solves nothing. The cognitive dissonance is strong with them.
@@kranberry3318 And my ex described catching me in bed with another man that never happened either. He was thoroughly convinced it had happened and even described the man even after a paternity test proved my daughter was his. Years later, he claimed the man I was supposedly cheating with was a friend of his. Years after that, he was still ranting about how I cheated on him, which I never did. Oh, and apparently I also defrauded the state and a bunch of other stuff. My list of imaginary crimes keeps piling up each year, and they grow more heinous each year as well. He is disturbed. The same thing seems to be happening here. As rSlash said, this woman is disturbed. Is she outright lying? Yes, but she's also convinced herself the family hates her when they don't... or at least they didn't. It is possible to fabricate lies that outrageous and convince yourself the lie is real. Do I think she's innocent in all this? Hell, no, but having dealt with such a narcissist? I know the type.
@@cajunoutofwater4806 I’m sorry you had to deal with that. That’s insane. Are you sure SIL is the same and genuinely believes? She might be intentionally lying and knows it’s not true. I don’t even know how to respond to that level of delusion. Reminds me of my mother and how she rewrote the history of her entire childhood to be terrible to make her abuse of me seem tame in comparison.
I am pretty certain that the boss in the first story was just power-tripping and didn't seriously believe that OP's system is what actually holding the whole company together. Looks like some people just have to learn things the hard way.
A f*ck up that big will probably lead to him getting shadow banned from the industry, whilst it’s illegal to blacklist someone, his own reputation will hamstring any efforts he tries to get back into management in that field and it’s 100% deserved
If they were upset that the system was using open source libraries, was fully documented/archived, and the lead had fully buy-in as described, it's more likely the new manager was planning to try to somehow make the claim they improved the system or identified some flaw they had the OP fix/address, thus transferring the perception of ownership (within the company) from the OP to the manager. The steps to force change & communication management through the manager really hints that they were trying to do this long term. It happens a lot in IT/application development, which is another reason for transparency and communication in development, but there are some people really good about playing these "games" just to enhance their own position (perception) with their own bosses.
My husband's nephew is married to a narcissist like that. They didn't invite his mother, their children's grandma, to an Easter play at daycare. My SIL & niece are the sweetest people I know, but that horrible girl ostracized them. She stalks the niece on FB & goes to every event the niece is interested in. She's also gotten 3 of the LIFELONG friends of the family to ostracize them by making up lies. She looks at you like you're a disgusting bug. My husband and I don't associate with her or the nephew.
My cousin is like that. Everybody in the family is always after her. The reality though is much different. She has 6-peace Bond against her and 4 them are family members. She's physically assaulted me with a shaver when we were kids because she was mad I look like our grandmother. I inherited my grandmother's curling fire engine red hair. And she used to scream at me about how it wasn't there. I've seen her on Reddit telling made up stories about our family. Like she posted this crazy story about how people want to bring dogs to her wedding. How the family's always preferred their dogs over the children. When really what's going on is she's mad that I'm having a child free wedding. That I got engaged before her. That I won't invite her to my wedding because she's attacked me. Oh and she scratched up my new car with all kinds of foul language. How do I know it was her I caught on camera. Nobody wants to bring their dogs to wear wedding. She's mad I'm having my dog and my fiance's dog as the flower girl and ring bearer in my wedding. Instead of her precious precious baby. She's mad that were offering babysitting activities for the kids at the same hotel or wedding is. I don't know why but she's renting a boat that online. Post-it such terrible lies on Reddit about my family. And people buy it Hook Line & Sinker.
it might not even be narcissism which is the crazy thing. another commenter posted their story, so i’ll use that as an example bc it was a pretty good one. the commenter grew up thinking that their family hated them as well, for very small reasons that are, in the grand scheme, meaningless and just coincidences (i.e. getting the plate with a chip taken out of it). commenter op thought they hated them even more so bc when they brought it up to their parents, they were told that they were ridiculous. turns commenter op is in fact not a narcissist, but a (now diagnosed) schizophrenic. this is actually extremely common amongst those with schizophrenia and are called persecutory delusions. either way, it’s still sucky, but obviously schizophrenics have much, much less malicious reasons for these kinds of thoughts, or rather delusions, than a narcissist would.
@Love More Pooh no, I never posted anything on Reddit. But a friend of mine sent me a video where one of those robots reads Reddit stories, and they read her post. People bought there too. I would love to posted the text messages of me asking why she posted such lies like that online. I loved to call her out publicly like that, but I try and keep the peace for my 102 years old Nanny.
That last post I completely agree with the sil having some sort of mental disturbance. I now know that I have ADHD with rejection sensitive dysphoria but for a long time I would work myself up whenever I thought there was a slightly negative way someone interacted with me and it really damaged my relationships. I'm a very passive person so I took out my feelings on myself and just shied away from people but I have recently had moments where I could've gone apeshit on the person (until calming down and realising I was being stupid). It seems ridiculous and malicious to do but sometimes it's just how our brain is wired and if you're unaware of what's going on then you can't control it.
Difference to adhd and rs is that she’s only doing it to herself for herself, and it’s going on for too long, sounds more like bpd considering the unaliving part
I agree. I (almost certainly) have rejection sensitivity and my brain can make "my friend can't hang out today because they're busy with homework" turn into "everyone in your life hates you and just tolerates being around you out of obligation. They can't handle tolerating you today because you annoyed/upset them too much yesterday" if I'm not careful to check my thinking. Obviously that's an extreme case but there's a possibility something like that is happening to the SIL. "They wanted me to wash the dishes" turns into "the only reason they keep me around is because I will do things for them" or "They gave me less potatoes" turns into "they're intentionally spiting me because they hate me." Even if she logically knows that it's not true, she might still seek out support groups as a way to try and 'make up' for the percieved rejection. "My family hates me but these strangers on the internet understand and are there for me." (Obviously I don't know her life and I'm not a medical professional, just my thoughts based on my own experiences)
@@lahlybird895 to my understanding, the term dysphoria is when you have an external stimulus that the brain perceives incorrectly from reality. So for rejection sensitive dysphoria any minor sense of social rejection gets blown out of proportion in your mind. For example, my friend and I befriended someone on a night out who later messaged my friend telling her that she was a good friend (which she is) but because I have a lot of insecurity especially with how I act while drunk (I actually act reasonably but am worried that I do/ say something outlandish) I thought he was calling me an awful human being that is difficult to be around and that she's a saint for still being friends with me. I really worked myself up over it until I realised that he was just being nice😂
Question - Does your rejection sensitive dysphoria cause you to make up entire stories about the people you believe dislike you even when they are not around? I understand feeling "slighted" unnecessarily in social situations but she is fabricating entire stories when they are not even around... Girl has issues but I don't think rejection sensitive dysphoria is it and you might be giving her more credit then she deserves... She told people the story of the FIL demanding money and MIL literally SALTING the ground they live on! (like a villain! WTF) That sounds a bit extreme even for rejection sensitive dysphoria...
In the last story, I don't think the SIL believes her own lies. She's probably just fishing for sympathy from friends and strangers and having "horrible" in-laws is just an easy scapegoat for that. I still think she should see a therapist in either case.
Here's the rule, if your IT department doesn't have a manager and is doing really well, promote from within the IT department, only bring in an outside if the IT department is doing poorly.
The best part about the first story is that OP got their revenge largely through _inaction,_ while having enough compassion to make sure that their replacement (who wasn't responsible for OP's job loss) at their old job had the right knowledge to protect themselves from any fallout.
Last Story - My brother's ex-wife would constantly make up things to lie about, and seemed to believe all of it. That type of crazy definitely exists irl.
My sister is like this. She makes up stuff and then immediately believes it, even if it's contradicting everything else she says or sees. After living with her for a few years, I became convinced that she's a self-victimizing narcist, as her behaviour is abusive, narcissistic, and matches up with actual, documented, abusive narcissistic behaviour. I cut her out of my life and have limited contact with the rest of my family because they enable it by refusing to even respond when you call her behaviour what it is, let alone confront her on it. Worst part is that she most likely wouldn't have gotten to the point she has if people were willing to accept what's going on and try to get them help before it's too late. People like this need to get professional help or the end up like my sister; bitter and alone with the only people ever willing to be around them being enablers who themselves enviably distance themselves from that person too, because of that behaviour. People like your brother's ex and my sister are the future old women banging on ceilings with broom handles because the neighbours breath too loud and it sucks because it doesn't have to end up like that if people tried to get them help.
Who else is gonna bet that the boss who fired OP went from "Super Smug Sh*t Eating Grin" to "Mr. White As a Sheet"? I like to think he gradually stopped grinning after all the sh*t unfold.
Honestly i feel bad for the OP in the first story not just because of the aspbergers (i have aspbergers to) it’s because of him being let go so fast (even though he was planning on leaving) his revenge was justified and his boss didn’t understand don’t mess with the IT guy especially if he has a neurological condition
@@CuteSladkiy Imagine complaining about him misspelling a single word twice in a large paragraph of text. Especially when it’s a seldom used proper noun like Asperger’s. Especially when in the same paragraph he correctly spells “neurological.” Also, you misspelled “can’t” Your comment contributes nothing to anyone. Please think before you act and treat others the way you want to be treated.
@@CuteSladkiy can’t believe you’re making fun of an autistic person for being autistic (poor spelling can be a symptom of autism) -your friendly neighborhood autistic (P.S. nowadays Asperger’s is an outdated term. We use high/low functioning terms)
With the last story. I feel something more is happening via that woman. Like she's going out of her way to keep this from hubby and having a possible private group. Something more must be going on cause no normal person would go that length with what she had said and done.
it sounds like some form of paranoia. it's kind of sad if that's the case because it means there's nothing anyone in the family can do to change her mind. in a delusion so deep any kind act will be perceived as a deception and any minor slight, even if it was an accident, will just deepen the SIL's conviction
I think the SIL in the last story has like... schizophrenia or something and might honestly be deluded into thinking that her husband's family is evil. Or maybe not exactly that, but some sort of mental disorder where she feels the need to be a victim. Like, I don't think she has any real ulterior plan as to why she lies about them and just feels like she needs to or even think it's true. Maybe if she sees a doctor and gets on meds or something, she can be made fine. None of this means it is okay for her to do, though. I just think it may be salvageable if the right treatment happens.
tbh, i'm not sure she even realises she's lying. if the order of names on a card and the amount of potatos on her plate is enough to convince her she's being persecuted then i'd assume any action is capable of making her feel attacked
@@zilesis1 If she has this over sensitivity and perceives small meaningless things like that as persecution, then where is she getting “FIL stomped, screamed, and demanded money” or “MIL literally salted the earth” or “Rehab SIL assaulted me” from? The only way you don’t realize you’re lying about that stuff is serious hallucinations/delusions.
@@kranberry3318 yeah, sounds like delusions alright. I can see a delusion person making up both entire stories and turning nonsense into evidence, rather than just one or the other.
@@lancerevell5979 Kill them with kindness can work on some people, but not when a person thinks the number of potatoes you've served her is proof that you are out to get her. The person has to be rational enough to understand how kindness works.
I don't think so. The husband seemed to be (mostly) in the dark about her behavior. I can't tell you what her actual issues or reasoning is but it seems like she just want to play up being a victim.
Nah, this is different. Speaking as someone who was raised by narcs, this is a different thing entirely. It’s been years and the brother is still in contact with his family. A true narc would ixney that shit immediately. It would actually be *the first thing* to go. And given what she was saying about them, she definitely would stop seeing them if she could. “If she could” isn’t a thing for narcs, they just do it and expect the world to cave to their wills.
The husband was too close to his family, the lies she made up he would never believe so she looked outside for attention. Maybe if she got enough people on her side eventually he would believe her lies.
2nd story: i didn't realize until near the end that OP was female. So I didn't think much about the line of SIL being the daughter OP's mother had always wanted. But the comment about a girl's day excluding her becomes much more poignant. I hope OP is able to find some peace in that relationship.
With someone like the SIL in the second story, they lie, lie and lie some more so much. They actually start to believe it and it rewrites memories, my mother has done this time and again so I know for sure it's a real thing. It started off as being paranoid and trying to be right and ended with making her own reality to live in
*It's amazing how a shell script one of us tech guys throws together in 20 minutes can end up being the backbone upon which an entire corporation's systems rest.* Literal man-months of labor don't have to happen thanks to a little cat, grep, and sed. I once spent one week writing a database migration tool that a company could use to import their biggest competitor's management system data into THEIR management system, and another couple of weeks extending it to work with two other competitor systems. I wouldn't be surprised if they're still using it today.
While that's true, I actually think the OP in the first story is a terrible engineer. How much you want to bet that the Fortune 500 used language he uses is PERL, and is still one of those engineers who refuses to learn something new because "what I used in 1998 is still the best thing"? I've worked with those types before. They're shitty engineers to work with. (And that's coming from someone who's been doing this since 1996 -- but unlike OP, I'm constantly doing my best to learn new things) Was the manager crappy? Yeah. Should they have made sure that they had their ducks in a row before firing OP? Yeah. But I feel like OP pretty much deserved to be fired. They sound unbearable.
In the last story, she is definitely stuck in some sort of delusional paranoia, she needs professional help. It makes me kinda feel for her because she seems to genuinely believe people that were supposed to be family want to hurt her and her husband and living with that belief must not be easy for her. Of course, it doesn't excuse her behavior, she should be held accountable, but she needs a psychiatrist and therapist first.
Story 1: yikes that company really needs to check their hiring process if their managers made those major mistakes Story 2: that SIL is majorly messed up hope the brother divorces her before he loses his family
Story 1 New Boss: Op, you're lazy and don't do work. I'm taking everything from you. OP: Ok. NB: And you have to train your backup OP: Fine. NB: And report to HR cause your FIRED. And you will need leave and terminate your accounts. OP: It's death you have chosen.
Last story - SIL sounds like the type that likes to be the victim of her own story and will make EVERYTHING a slight against her... Worst part is she has done this since they were 15 so who knows how many people she has lied to in that time by telling anyone who will listen to her "woe"... I have a feeling it is only going to get worst because now that they know they can find more from all the years they knew her... The brother is just now waking up to this and while I do commend him for wanting to work this out I don't think therapy is going to mend the years of animosity she has created then spewed to everyone... The more he digs the more he is going to see how awful this person is on the inside... It must suck to find out the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with turns out to be a liar who hates your family for nothing... Brother better be careful he is one divorce paper away from landing in the same category as his family and have her claim untrue things about him online...
You know after reading these stories i have decided on three rules: 1. never ever mess with the IT guy. 2. Never mess with Farmers. 3. Never mess with Military or veterans.
Is it just me or is it like a big red flag for an SO to hate the family of their spouse? like fair enough if it's because the family was/is abusive (which in this story was simply untrue and utter BS) but to dislike them for just existing in the spouse's life? I definitely think that's a red flag.
I genuinely don't think he's missed an upload in over two years. He might've on Christmas one year but I just played an old video that day. rSlash has been part of my morning routine since early 2019 😅
I knew someone exactly like the woman for the last post. She lied about having terminal cancer, being SA, her family dying and more. We tried to get her help but when we got her in a corner she chose to just remove us and start over lying to a new group of people. We determined it to be some sort of psychopathic trait where she tries to get extreme reactions and lots of attention out of saying horrible things happen to her. She doesn’t actually care about anyone or anything but wants to keep the most oblivious one’s close to her
the last story reminds me of my sister who has borderline personality disorder. it causes attention seeking behavior and people with bpd often believe the lies they tell. my sister told her friends that my younger sister (who was 15 at the time) was attacking her and threatening her, none of which was true. honestly made me worry for my little sister's safety bc my other sister's friends weren't exactly the most stable people either.
the horrifying thought about the brother of op 2 leaving his wife is all the horrific shit she will say about him if he does leave her. if she's crazy enough to say that about the in laws, just imagine all the horrid accusations she could/would spout about op's brother if he does leave since it will definitely cause her to want some form of vengeance towards the man who chose to side with the family who she for some deluded reason believes is abusing her. if op's brother leaves his wife, she will spew out a lot of heinous and slanderous shit about him just to get even
First Story: This boss is an absolute dummy. This system was helping this company for years and this guy shows up and immediately have an issue with it? Like when are bosses going to learn to not try to fix something that isn’t broken. His idiotic actions got him fired and black listed Second Story: SIL knows that everyone there can sue her for slander right? SIL is obviously being an attention seeker and looking for sympathy by making lies about OP and their family
I do think the SIL needs medical treatment regardless because what she is doing is extremely concerning. But I hope OP's brother can leave as soon as he is able to.
I have aspergers and honestly, it's hilarious watching people underestimate you. We're a lot more observant and smarter than people realise. I keep a lot of things under my hat just in case people try to screw me over. I'm petty, and I hold a grudge, so I hope I never have to use it like OP did lol
The university I work at has multiple different departments and some IT offices managing the infrastructure for those departments. Most of them are allowed to do what ever they want as long as it stays in budget and the employees and students are happy. So if anything improves the workflow, it is usually being accepted.
I can see one of two things with the sil in post 2. Either she believes the lies and needs help, or she doesn't and just wants the attention from the support group.
"that language is so outdated!" There is a reason why some old programming languages are decades old and are still actively used: they work. It's also generally better to use a tried and true language over a new one because of the extensive documentation available online.
(Beginning of a Sci fi horror movie about artificial intelligence) RSlash: Welcome to RSlash Prorevenge, where the IT guy is murdered... and takes revenge from *beyond the grave.*
I wouldn’t be surprised if SIL had some sort of PPD presentation (paranoid personality disorder). What the brother said in particular is what gets me, the “she convinced herself that our family hated her, from the order names were written in cards or how many potatoes she got”. These are very very minor things, she’d need to be looking very thoroughly for any sort of reasons to back up her claim. Very much along the trend of having a perceived idea of how reality should work, and A) looking for any reason to support it, B) being very easily set off by generally innocuous shit (send her a happy birthday message on her birthday and she’ll find a reason of malice: oh, you just wanna rub it in my face how your birthday was happier, flaunting your happiness, Lying bitch). And C) getting weirdly frustrated by any points that disproved it.
2nd story. Something went terribly wrong there. At 15, the 'Everybody hates me' complex is, understandable, under some circumstances. The fact that it was so specific to her [eventual] husbands family, suggests issues in her life before this. That she may have developed escape type coping skills in response to something. In her mind alone or some real world abusive situation, I have no idea. However, the fact that she was so careful to hide it all from the family and any authorities and social service/counseling agencies, suggests she either knew well she was making it all up, or feared for her safety for telling - less likely IMO , or possibly is living with some delusional sort of condition that has caused her all sorts of misery, warped her life beyond recognition and maybe she deserves some credit for managing it as well as she did under circumstances nobody else has any idea of. Who knows what world of pain is her lot in life? Hopefully she gets some real help and can heal up and get reality sorted out, now that its out in the open. ? Sorry for being long winded. Ive seen people who only needed someone they could trust, to help get whats real and whats not, sorted out. A bit of empathy/understanding can make all the difference.
Story 1 summarized Odysseus: “Do not kill the cattle of Helios or else Zeus will kill us all!” Shipmate: “too late, we already killed one of them *zeuss strikes the ship*
Don't mess with the unsung heroes who keep the company's financial engine running by keeping the gears lubricated. Once you fire the unsung heroes, the company will run for only so long until the engine seizes up and the company grinds to a halt.
The last story made me think either that the SIL lived in a terrible household all her life, has a somewhat negative view in life or having a mental issue. Hopefully she gotten help cause that will effect their family child.
So OP wrote most of the system the whole company used and no one else was taught how to maintain it? Seems like the perfect person to fire. Seriously though that's wild for a number of reasons. Only having one capable person deal with the system would leave you screwed even if he just got sick for a few weeks.
I like how the boss was like, "someone like you being fired can be a cyber security risk so we need you out asap," but Op manning the department solo for years and being forced to build his own software for the company wasn't.
My cousin is like sil. She makes up wild stories/lies and I think she believes them. We're all older now, in our 30s, but when she was about 16 and my sister was 12 my sister went to visit them. My cousin and sister went on a walk into the woods where my cousin met this guy she was seeing and they did some "stuff" basically right in front of my little sister. When they got back to my cousin's house her dad, our uncle, noticed a hickey on cousin's neck and started yelling at cousin so her and my sister ran down to cousin's room. My cousin then proceeded to punch herself in the stomach and arms and gave herself red marks, then went and told my uncle she was actually assaulted by that boy! Later my sister and cousin are alone in her room and she looks at my sister and says "I can't believe that guy hurt me like that". Like, my sister was there and saw everything, she knew a billion % that's not what happened! That's just one of many, many stories of what my cousin is capable of. One of the 1st is when we were very young, like my little sister was 5, I was 7, cousin was 9 and she had a crush on this like 13 year old boy who didn't like her, so she made my baby sister lie to our parents and say this older boy touched her! Cops were involved and everything!! My little sister eventually admitted it never happened, but I'm not sure what happened to the boy before the truth came out. She's hacked my MySpace and said horrible things posing as me, cut up my bikini for no reason, tried to get my kids father to cheat on me and many other things. The sad thing is, we were bffs for a long time, I've been nothing but kind to her and helped her so many times, even kept her secrets to this day. Some people are just not ok mentally 😕
The last story sounds like someone who likes online attention from strangers. It reminded me a bit of a friend I use to have. She belonged to many online support groups. Cancer, MS and spouse abuse were some that I was aware of. None of those things happened to her. It was all lies for attention. Then she started claiming that MY husband was being abusive. I told her I didn't care about the stories she told online but to keep my family out of it. She was offended by this and hasn't spoken to me since.
Yes, the IT Guy. I had something sorta like that happen. I was brought into Customer Service after no one knew where else to put me. My pay was eventually cut by a quarter, no manager wanted to get anything other than the most basic info about my job. I made PowerPoints, db tweaks, procedural maps, spreadsheets, etc. I knew my head was on the chopping block so about a week before my newest Super dropped the act and sent me to HR for (by this time) good news, I deleted them all. I had taken the next day off (Friday) so instead of doing anything else I went to unemployment and my lawyer. 😊
Geez... That last story... I am pretty sure my SIL doesn't like my family, but she never ever EVER pulled stunts like this! She mostly tolerates us for my brother's sake, and maybe her kids' sake because everyone loves them, they are great kids! And she is actually pretty great, too. Just a little distant, but most of my family isn't great so she is justified!
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is “Never get involved in a land war in Asia,” but only slightly less well known is this: “Never mess with the IT Guy!”
Story 2. It is 100% possible that she believes her own lies. My SIL is like that except she doesn't even try to hide it from us. She has caused my brother to lose the last 6 and counting jobs because she would constantly call him claiming an emergency such as "That car drove past our house yesterday as well! They're clearly trying to murder me and our daughter!" or "I can't work here at the business I had you spend thousands of dollars to start for me without you being here because the customers that I have 100% control in choosing will murder me without exception." We keep telling him the he just needs to grab his daughter and run, but he's of the mindset that he can't just leave her. His daughter (
my bet on the SIL in the last story is that she's got something breaking her inside that she won't deal with and the only way she kind find to get support is lying about having a different problem that's easier to admit, I agree with the needing help part but demonizing her while literally saying there is something wrong with her it's not gonna get her much help tho, when someone cries for attention there usually is a reason
The second story sounds eerily similar to my own brother's ex-wife. She was diagnosed with BPD, but decided her doctor was a quack and he had it wrong, despite the fact that she hit ALL the criteria. She refuses to get therapy, or to take medication, instead blaming all her problems on my brother or our family. We've been nothing but supportive and accepting from the start. She's just a psychotic b*tch.
The SIL doesn't believe the lies, but she desperately wants others to believe them. It's probably got some pathology behind it, but mostly, she's just a terrible, profoundly petty, evil person, who should never have stayed with her partner.
My ex was a lot like SIL. She had the victim mentality. Every small thing was turned into a personal assault. Like SIL, she was in an online support group. It was called "single working mothers". When we got engaged, she was able to quit her job and according to her, "finally be able to be a full-time mom and homemaker". Someone eventually shared her posts about having such a hard time juggling a career, keeping up with her 3 kid's schedules, managing a household, never having personal time, spending all her money on her kids, and being exhausted. I confronted her about it and was told, "that's how it is with a single working mother". I told her that she wasn't, in fact, a single working mother anymore. None of the things she claimed were true. Not even close. She then flipped it around, claiming that I wasn't being supportive of her. She was overwhelmed and stressed with everything in her life and that I had no idea of her hardships and how difficult her life was. I guess I made her imaginary world a reality because I GTFO of that engagement immediately. I loved her kids, but couldn't deal with that level of crazy.
That SIL saw too many redit posts of psycho mothers-in-law and all the attention they get and wanted all the pity and attention. She just couldn't cope with having good in-laws because then she can't get social media clout.
First story kind of hits hard for me. Also a programmer here. There's a lot of parallels this story has with my last job. Unclear expectations, harassment, shifting responsibilities. All made to feel like it was my fault. I knew it wasn't but it was hard to convince myself of that emotionally while I was in it. Now that I'm out of that job, I can see how bad it was. An explanation on the technical explanation. SQL tends to assign an id to every user (not always, but it's usually standard practice). OP said that there are several things in place (on the web UI and the database) to prevent an admin, and anything connected to the admin, being deleted by accident. But by running with the command "CASCADE" on the database console itself, it bypassed all those protection. Wiping everything that referred back to the admin user's user id.
The sister-in-law story is a specific type of narcissist who always plays the victim. Narcissists need attention. It's referred to as narcissistic supply. They cannot survive without attention. They come off as helpless and in need of protection.
I'm surprised no one understands that IT guys are literally the worst people to mess with considering they have the highest likelihood of completely ruining your life by just "fixing" your computer or just logging into something.
The moment SIL posted about the way she was being treated at the in-laws while not actually there, op and family should have posted happy pictures with a heading “ missing SIL hope she can make it”.
I am a sysadmin. There is a lot wrong with that first post. The company is in the wong, for sure, but that guy was not on the up and up, either. First he had no separation between development and production system. Deleting a development account should not affect production systems. Second, he was developing in an open-source framework where he specifically had rights to delete the source code. He was laying a trap from the start. If the code was GPL licensed he may have broken the law by removing accsss to the source, since he had provided the software but not the source.
2 things that you should never screw with unless you want to ruin your life, the IRS and The I.T. Guy. If there was a list of things to NEVER screw with these would be the first and second ones on said list. Because messing with them can and will nuke your life in the most colossal of fashions.
About the second story. Our family had a female friend like that, but less toxic. She came with the most amazing stories, that just happened to her, and she were always the victim. Finally we had enough and had to cut contact, it was just exhausting. The last story she told us, after returning from a vacation in a close country, was that a dwarf had snuck up on her from behind, and when she turned around, he jumped up one meter in the air, and bit her in her left boob. We didn't ask to look for bite marks. ( Oh, and she didn't report the " assault " to the police. ) 🤔
For the second story, reminds me of my brothers baby mama. She always cheated on him, and literally left with another man one day. Then she had the nerve to tell their son that her dad abandoned him as a child and left her for his now wife. There is so much more but I don't want to type it all out. She is a huge pathological liar.
I have two brothers & two shitty sils, parts of the last post could have been written about my life. I too am biding my time till I can get some sort of revenge, but so far their actions have only backfired on them, so I'm sitting pretty without having to do a thing.
First story: What I get this in reality is that this boss couldn't handle that OP was way more useful than him and turned the little drops of water he gave him into a river. But he killed the source of that river.
I would also say that they would also need to make a rule for the I.T. manager to actually have experience with the system they are supposed to manage the people who control it.
I really have a hunch this OP isn't more competent than any boss (and I say that as a software engineer who has seen plenty of bad bosses). From the story, it really sounds like OP is one of those boomer-type engineers who refuses to learn anything new, so the technology they use in 1995 is what they'll use FOREVER (whether it's the right thing or not). Only thing the boss here didn't realize is how big of a barrel OP had them over due to decades of shitty management who were willing to let OP do whatever they wanted without understanding what that is.
For the last story: I think that the girlfriend thrive on the attention of victimization. She like the support she get for being in distress. So she get validation with stranger on the internet because it's the easiest way to get it. But she really want the attention from her boyfriend so she try and try again getting more crazy in the process because he was not following her lead. So in the end she didn't get the attention she wanted and got shame. She knew what she was doing.
It sounds like BPD or CPTSD to me (Note: I'm not a mental health professional so take this with a big grain of salt). When you grow up in an emotionally invalidating environment, you don't learn how to form healthy bonds. It can result in some anxious or otherwise unhealthy attachment styles. It's common to either see yourself as the only "good/honest" person and everyone else isn't trustworthy or to see yourself as "bad" and everyone as "good". She probably does think that OPs family hates her. Those things that sound really stupid to most people, make sense when you were raised in an environment where you never really know where you stand with the people you love. She might have learned to connect with unhealthy people (who do lie to your face about liking you and do passive aggressive jabs like serving you less food) and not recognize that those strategies don't work when you try to build genuine connections.
I'm not gonna lie, I hope people learn really soon that you NEVER mess with the it guy.... but at the same time, then we won't have funny and satisfying stories like this, sooooooo.....
second story : Insane behavior. I really wonder what is wrong with her. Why would she assume her bf/husband's family hates her... She 100% spent waaay too much time on the wrong side of social media since youth.
In the second story, yeah, that wasn't OP's finest moment at all. However, her family deserved to know what the SIL was saying. OP handled the situation surprisingly well despite the circumstances.
The SIL is more frightening than the comments are giving credit for! This is the same root behavior of a mother that actively poisons her child to keep them sick and bathe in the sympathies of other people! I'm glad brother is trying to take the high road here but I forsee this very same escalation if they have a child since her old form of sympathy stealing has fallen through!
2nd story, he needs to leave her. I experienced the exact same thing but a different situation around the end. She will end up falsely accusing her husband of serious allegations. Which is inevitable even if he decides to leave. If they don't have kids yet, it'll be easy and he can record every convo for his safety. If kids are involved he'll go to hell and back to be able to leave. He NEEDS TO KEEP EVERY AND IM MEAN EVERY CONVERSATION BETWEEN THEM AND ANY OF HER FAMILY RECORDED.
I would've sued the SIL, that's a horrible thing to do and can get people hurt, that is liable, what she accused them of was major things. I do not care what would happen to her, the entire thing needs to be cleared up before people's lives get ruined.
On the last story, I think the SIL has severe manic depression. Depression, for me at least, does this weird thing where you start to believe everyone hates you for no reason, and I think this is just that, taken to the extreme. I know because I suffer from those thoughts too.
This SIL looks like my own SIL: a lying manipulator. The only thing is that my brother has been completely brainwashed by her and thinks she has done nothing wrong, even her own parents told her that she should be ashamed of herself.
I really dont understand why companies almost always seem to hire random people as managers when they could have promoted someone experienced already working there to manager instead.
That SIL exposed almost sounds like my mother that was so jealous of my dad that she didn't want him to work (she was crazy and was already placed in the mental hospital before) and one day they were having an argument so bad that my father beat the rail out of my mom with a horsewhip, after some time in jail, my mom was in front of a judge and pulled out a knife to try to hurt her first born (me) in her womb. After I was born, DFACS came and got me and was placed in a foster home until my adopted parents came into my life, and that ended up in court with them (DFACS) saying that they should have adopted someone around 9-10 and not me, but after the dust died down I was allowed to be with them and my original birth certificate has been sealed up. 3 years after I was born, psycho mom wanted another baby and, of course, gave him up to be adopted out of Grand Rapids , Michigan, and later on (with no mention of divorce or separation) they split up with my mom living in one state and my dad living in another until she passed on. Today I'm trying to build a relationship with my bio dad and hope someday to find my biological brother, I hope (if he reads this) to get in contact, he has family on his biological side that would love to meet him.
