What Promise said about having a present dad is so spot on. Took the words right outta my head because I can’t fathom life without my dad honestly.. I’m so grateful to God for him
One thing absent father's take away from our kids is self confidence. Having grown with my father around,knowing that i can always rely on him and raising a girl child as a single mom, i honestly see the lack of self worth. Not even 80 % is as a result of absent father but over 95% contributes to them feeling like that
My child's worth won't be determined by someone who clearly does not respect or love her. A lesson I will teach from early on is go where you are appreciated and loved
Oh how i wish i can talk to your daughter. My dad left me when i was 3 months and I'm 29 today. I went through it all but in my teen years i decided to keep myself busy with church and that really helped. Went to varsity and got my law degree and today I'm a professional. Btw i met my dad last year and his presence doesn't make any difference in my life. Lastly, i have an infant with an amazing guy❤. Just saying...
My daughter also has an absent father she knows him and all his family and has visited a few times there but he's financially emotionally mentally and physically absent because his wife doesn't allow him to support her unless she goes and live with them,I just find it weird that she badly wants to stay with my only kid when she has 3kids that are also girls.My daughter says she's not comfortable around her step mom..now she doesn't want to visit her father she's avoiding his wife.Luckly my kid got a job she's able to pay fees doing second year IT degree data science.
@@lenzilendebele2036 I empathise with your situation sis. IMO the wife is controlling. It's a form of manipulation and gatekeeping. She thinks she's punishing you. That man is also weak! How can a grown men need permission from his wife to take of his responsibility!! I always say behind every man who neglects their parenting responsibilities, there is a woman. It could be his mother, sisters, wife, girlfriend, grandma or friend! Women are the gatekeepers of father absenteeism. I had a friend that I met at work and a few weeks after meeting him and having multiple conversations I found out that he had a son that he hadn't seen since his 5th birthday! The boy was 11 years old. At the time he was in the process of paying lobola for his then girlfriend, who is now his ex-wife! I had a looooong conversation with that man. A very long insightful conversation, and even encouraged him to reach out to his son's mother. I told him that the mother of his son is going to be angry and he needs to take it like a man because he created the monster. To cut the long story short, I facilitated the conversation between him and his son's mother. It took a while for her to get to a place where she was able to engage with him with no animosity. But I supported them both and they co-parented together maturely. He took financially responsibility, saw his son all the time even spent school holidays with him. The boy is now in his 20s and has a great relationship with his dad. It takes a village to raise a child. I'm happy for them.
I would just like to point out that this girlfriend and boyfriend at an early age is not right. We need to talk to our girls and boys that babies are a huge responsibility. Parents need to have a serious talk with our youth. Girls are pressured into having sex at an early age and that is wrong. At 17 it is just too young for a girl to be having a baby and the boy gets away with murder and walks away freely. The girl and her parents bears the brunt of all these problems which is not fair. Can we learn to caution our children before they reach puberty. That is what I did to my boys, fortunately our church has a retreat where sexually transmitted diseases are discussed and the repercussions of early sex. My 2 sons told me about the HIV, STD's pregnancy etc. We need to boldly have serious talks with our children. These old men running after young girls must stop. I grew up in Township and know what girls go through. I 2 adult sons over 30 and 35 yrs and non of them have children out there, actually my elder brother who are married don't have children outside their marriages. It is part of our culture, because that is how my father raised us. The one and only one who impregnated a girls, my Dad made sure that he married her. They got divorced after 18 years of marriage. We cannot make it normal for children to be born out of wedlock period. You can't go around defiling people's children and not take responsibility for it. We are creating a sick society. It is not fair on the children as they did not ask to come into this world. It has to stop period.
Do boys put a gun on this girls' heads to FORCE them to make babies ? Ba ya phapha. Ba rata dilo. Why cant they FOCUS on their Studies ? At 17 I was still sleeping with my Mom and wake up to bath and go to High school. Ba yanyaa, nyii!
I've been watching this podcast for a couple of months now and I looooooove how chilled and insightful it is. What's crazy is that I got introduced to Promise by Owamie🤣I really enjoyed this episode btw! Host and guests never disappoint❤
Wow, you are doing such an incredible job raising Kamo and Nicky! It’s truly inspiring to see how much love, strength, and wisdom you pour into being their mom. Kamo’s bright spirit and Nicky’s maturity and kindness are clear reflections of your amazing efforts. Keep shining, supermom! 🌟💖
Lol who's Naledi guys? I dont know her but anyways....being vulnerable like this takes a lot, im appreciative of any opinion because we are all here to learn and share experiences. I hope this motivates, encourages & educates many❤
@@RefilweChirwaAndFamilybeautiful interview- amazing aura…still the beautiful calm soul I worked with at the ‘financial institution’🤭you have an amazing heart mama Nickie- Modimo a ho okelletse❤
I am in the same situation and raising a teenager very hard and explaining every time that i have opened a door for your father to be there for you with or without money also depressed 😢worse part he is boy really painful my son is 16 and father is out there😢 not even calling the child only we needs is for our kids to have that bond with there papas
Also as women we need to vet on people we birth for I have 2 kids different father's and I have always been vocal about despising absent father's since I had a present dad. Stories like these break me I thank God for the men I gave kids to they too exceptional. 1 is a baby daddy the other is my husband I get goosebumps listening to such things 😌 I don't know no tear from a baby daddy and my Son is turning 14
Nickies Dad is exactly the same as my daughter's dad but I thank God she's over that. He never contributed in anything but she's a graduate and married now. I also thank my Dad because he played a very important role in her life.
I think you are diminishing your daughters worth by having an open door to people that obviously do not value her. It's been 16 years, no good relationship will ever be established by this man. Your daughter suffers from low esteem because you teach her that she must be nice and honorable to people that have clearly shown disdain for her. No parents who eats and dresses up and manages to make other children, should be given access without paying maintenance & it's not about the money, but it's a principle. As a parent, whether father or mother, you provide whatever little you have to a child you love. Money & time equals value
This is so true and because these men behave like they were birthed by the same parents, when you react they use that against you and call you bitter, gather an audience to publicize your reaction because they know no one will question what triggered this behavior. No one will hold them accountable for not being there all these years and when you finally say it's okay stay away for good then they want to make you the bad guy. That's how they move.
I agree. She's a great mum who wants to keep the peace.. But whose peace is she keeping.. Whose peace is she keeping.. She is keeping the dead beats peace, he sleeps well at night while she worries about her daughter's happiness..
I am just nt sure hw possible our children can b made to understand that we have no control on anyone's decision making. Whether it's a father/mother/sibling who takes a decision 2 neglect any1,must b respected. We even have no control even over us,we plan & God decide each & evryday. Meaning it's impossible 2 have control over sum1 else. The thing is,even if u get angry bcoz of a decision taken by sum1,u the 1 suffers. U cnt force any1 2 change his/her decision nt 2 love/accept u. Girls,submitting yourselves 2 men bcoz u trying 2 substitute a father destroy than solving this. Let's avoid doing things that r nt solutions 2 the prblm,it's a waste of tym & draining. Just leave it 2 God & continue with ur lyf,painful as it is.
You Ausi Promise… this is so sad … this UJ kid messed up opportunity for us … I am in India studying a medical degree due to covid outbreak and losing my job … I am here without a sponsor and I am basically studying from my savings and money I got from the previous company…. I think now I understand why people never answer or assist me when I send emails asking for assistance with my fees … painful part is you would not even get a response at all… to think this is all caused by people who play with the generosity of people … it’s sad … but God is faithful… I will finish…. Yes it’s hectic but God is faithful only 2 years to go….
Promise, I wish the lesson that young Girls should learn from Rifilwe's story is that they must avoid making babies with Guys who "do not want" the responsibility of kids. Refilwe was 17 years doing Matric, she should have been focusing on her studies. I am not condoning irresponsibility, however, can we give a thought to the fact that most Guys just to have fun and have sex with these Girls and do not really want the responsibility of kids. I always find that women always go about as if these kids were planned when they were not. Surely we should know this trend by now and Girls must not make babies with people who do not want them.
Girl you are a very nice...generous person but in the near future don't ever take that risk of letting a stranger in your home...the woman that is the mother was not curious enough to say hi to the people who came with her child....Imagine if this phyco meets another saykho and try to hurt your beautiful family
I don't understand why should kids be the ones seeking for their grown-up parant. It's horrible what fathers who choose to be absent are doing to their kids. All you hear is excuses. Being a mother myself, no one will ever come between myself and kids,cl cos they my kids. Thewe excuses that you were chased and allowed access is becoming lame now as if one really want to be in their kids life's they will do what ever it takes to be in their lives
People don't know this is Real I had a Son in 1999 at varsity with parents medical aid Baby Daddy's last eye hold contact was when I was discharged he is a 24yr lawyer since No cent No Contact Nothing n he looks exactly like him n He knows life ,remember when he was 5 I asked him for a bicycle he said he didn't put him in his budget, I then closed the chapter till today
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I have to laugh. Nobody says how all these ladies who are born in two-headed homes always end up choosing the wrong partners and end up being single mothers. But they're in the wholesome homes. Isn't this ironic? If they're raised so perfectly. Why can't they choose the right partners? And they always make babies for deadbeats.
Being in family with both parents doesn't mean you had a balanced life. Kids are in broken and dysfunctional families that has both parents. To expect: 1. Broken parents, 2. Unhealed parents, 3. Emotionally detached parents, 4. Abusive parents, 5. Spiritually immature parents To produce well grounded and functional adults isn't so practical.
You can be two different people in different relationships. Certain people, evoke certainly characters which make people compatible or not. So i disagree that you know the person you are dating.
I like what you said there, "Your daughter"😌 Not yours, but mine. You're worried about something that's far from you. Focus on yours, as the streets would say; "do you", respectfully🙏
@@Andtherewaslight427 OMG you're definitely the scammer child😱. Let me exit the comments before you rub off your scamming tendencies on me, I hear it's contagious. Healing and peace unto you though🕯
@@RefilweChirwaAndFamilyIts your story, and it definitely makes sense to share. Only a strong woman can keep door open for the father of your daughter. When your daughter is grown she will know that her father’s sorry excuses are bs. You did not block him from being present in his daughter’s life, he has made that choice.
