Relationship Conflict: How to Deal 

#selfhealers, I just wanted to give you a HUGE thank you for all of the pre-order love. You've made my new book "HOW TO DO THE WORK" an amazon best seller! I'm grateful beyond words. If you'd like to order your copy you can do that here: www.amazon.com/How-Do-Work-Recognize-Patterns/dp/006301209X/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=nicole+lepera&qid=1598207126&sr=8-2

Being in a healthy relationship doesn't mean not having conflict, it means resolving conflicts mindfully.

"Active listening" i always tell my kids its "listening to hear what they are saying, not listening to respond to what they are saying"

I’m finally watching this after a breakup. He would say “We argue all the time”. It absolutely caused rifts between us. We didn’t feel safe or comfortable talking about our feelings with eachother because of the conflict. Thank you for this.

"It is not helpful to allow ourselves to feel emotionally overwhelmed!!" Thank you sister!! THIS! I am thankful for this word today.

I just had an argument with my family ! this really came in divine timing, Love '

I'd love to hear you talk more about relationships! Interdependent relationship, what to do when overwhelmed, how to find solutions, living together or things like that!

Meditation during the timeout sounds great although it seems difficult because one might be deeply hurting. Keep these videos coming. Thank you

I love your first point. I think what matters most is how you confront each other, rather than how often. There are bound to be conflicts in every kind of relationship!

It also helps that the breaks are communicated and dont last 3 months!

God, this makes me wish so badly that I had insurance and money for a therapist. I just had a fight with someone tonight, and even my last therapist commented on how quickly I move from 0 to 3000. Because I absolutely hate conflict of any kind, I go completely silent and steam until either the incident is over and time has passed for me to forget about it...or it just keeps building and building until I finally explode. The latter happened tonight. My adrenals released everything they had in one go, I was shaking and my heart was pounding and all I wanted in the WORLD at that moment was for my friend to tell me I was wrong so I could just go full force and start screaming. That one got resolved because he's better at talking things through, but the idea of taking a break and coming back? I react like a kicked puppy. There are times when I'm stubbornly thinking up retorts, but mostly every word just feels like someone telling me I'm bad and should feel bad, and so I feel sick and terrible about myself, and I don't think the conflict would ever be resolved that way. I recognize where this reaction comes from now, but it's really not something I'm able to navigate on my own. >< (I mean heck, if I could, I'd be cured by now!)

it was a really big help to be reminded that conflict is totally normal. i know that it is, but from trauma history it feels like the whole relationship is wrong when there's cyclical conflict. But the important thing is being able to meet later with compassion and communicate boundaries and come to resolution and mutual understanding. Trying to break a history of unhealthy conflict models and this video was just the reminder I needed. Thank you so much 💗

Indeed a pleasure to see people discussing about #MentalHealth and #SuicideAwareness. The TABOO can only be broken once everyone feels FREE to talk about their Mental Health. Do connect, together we can and we will make a difference.

How do we know if it's a normal conflict but its triggering old wounds or it's an abusive relationship we're having?

your voice is so calming.....

Thank you Dr LePera I really relate to this. If conflict and resolution isn't observed it's so easy to jump into a full on sympathetic nervous system reaction.

Thank you for your insights! The story I tell myself says if there's conflict, it's over. This helps.

i am watching these videos now to help with some conflict and finally came to a resolution. very much appreciated!

You are making us feel better. And you are changing our world for the better. Thank you, beautiful Soul 🙏❤️

Thank you - your words have helped me through numerous difficult, emotion-filled situations.

you’re amazing!!! gosh, i’m so grateful you exist, you’re very helpful to me in processing my thoughts and emotions 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 blessed by your online platform!

oh gosh I am already flooded and had my blow out. I wish I saw this before- just 2 hours ago... gosh. I insisted on breaking up...I feel it is too late.... Like you I never grew up seeing conflict. I think losing control in a big way just cost me my relationship. I appreciate your videos, so thank you.

Very helpful! Thanks Nicole!💗

omg. This is the MOST important thing. I really need help with this. This video is great. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I am grateful for, having found your awesome channel. Loved it and look forward to the future posts ! Thank you.

Thank you so much for sharing this video. It’s very helpful!

Great vid! Thank you! I'd just add that its also important how the speaker in the conflict communicates their issue, so using "I feel" statements with positive needs can really allow the conflict to be constructive. 👍😁 Thx again!!

Hi I just wanted to say I’m so happy about your book :D I really hope you do a recording for audible, that would be amazing. Thank you so much for everything!

Very lovely explanation, it works! Thank you Dr. 🌻

I'm glad you posted this... I was having a conflict earlier with my partner and I felt like I wasn't getting understood but also I feel like there's been a lot of conflict because of me. I feel like it's the same things but aren't being solved... This is a long distance relationship too.

Thank you so much.

Excellent.Thank you so much!

Thank you Nichole!

♥️ Dear Nicole and Jenna, big thanks for doing what you’re doing. It’s so good for our humanity! I feel lucky to have it as my resource. 🙋🏻‍♀️ Through my 2 years working on myself, I learned that conflict is important for any relationship. How do we communicate during a conflict? I’ve learned that a good way to communicate is to say “I feel… when…”, I shared this with my romantic partner, but they would say “I feel that you’re cornering me…” their words after I feel is often starts with “you”. Shouldn’t the word after I feel be adjectives of the feeling in our heart or body? During a conflict, my partner would also often say thing this way, their sentence would often start with “my name + that’s not nice…, you…, that’s not nice”. I’m open to hear feedbacks, somehow the way he expresses it is very triggering to me. I told them I feel degraded when you talk to me that way, they’d say that’s conflict and I have a problem with dealing with conflict. I’m confused.

Thank you I really needed this .Your story is the same as mine .

This is so helpful, thank you :)

Great video just wanted to say that I was a little distracted by the sound of your bracelet and maybe that might be something to watch for depending on how much your mic is catching it. Thanks for the great content!

Where were you during my last relationship!? 😭😭😭 I feel like if I saw your videos back then I could’ve done more to save it, both of us could’ve 😩 I still love her and I still miss her 😞

cheers thanks super good video there and how about how to resolve a conflict for elders aged persons in 70+

So good to hear, I need the link to mentioned video down below like was stated.

How would you recommend starting the conversation about “coming to an agreement to have a break”? How would I start that conversation without seeming like I’m entitled or trying to “drag something on”?

Thank you!

Really love this hair colour on you. Very flattering.

Really appreciating and getting a lot out of your posts and approach to work. Your videos, insta post, (and one day your book) have been added to the routine of things helping with my own healing journey. It has been particularly helpful as a tool to provide insight into some of my issues to my partner, it’s help us communicate and understand each other better. If possible it would be great if you could do a post wholly directed at partners, how they can assist in the healing journey of those working on their past traumas. What they should be mindful of, how they may have to temporarily approach some issues or conversations that are triggering while the healing work is being done etc I’d personally also find it helpful if you could do a post on how to express your self more and being more assertive when you’ve grown up feeling you can’t express yourself due to fear of the repercussions from abusive caregivers (ie when you asserted yourself it did not go well, so you stayed quiet). Thanks in advance! Please keep up the great work x

Thankyou.

Couldn't use these tips with a narcissist. Gotta have a reasonable person on the other end.

Thank you 🙏

I'm currently mad at my girlfriend. See, we've had arguments so many times, and so far, it's always been my fault. I was always the one who was wrong and had to apologize. The one who had to redeem themself. And I have no problem with owning my mistakes. It's just, I'm tired of being _that guy._ Yesterday, I told my girlfriend that I was jealous of her. Jealous that she was always right and I was always wrong. That it brought me so much pain and self-doubt. And she said, "It's not always about right and wrong." That actually angered me. Can anyone guess why? I don't want to have to explain it. I want someone to understand how I'm feeling without clarification. So again, I told her how I was jealous of her for always being right...how I was in pain by constantly being "the bad guy" while she was "the good guy" in our conflicts...and she said it isn't always about right and wrong. Why do you think that response bothers me?

I never could explain why it bothered me so much that my ex and I couldn't really argue I was so afraid of bringing something up because to him it felt like the end of the world everytime. I grew up in a family where we had fights took breaks and came back later while always knowing that it's gonna be fine in the end, he didn't his family is very avoidant and he wasn't used to talking about problems.

I have been loving your channel, thank you for sharing your beautiful knowledge. I have been meaning to ask; if past lives exist (which I strongly believe they do) is the purpose in honoring our ancestors to acknowledge how connected we all truly are? I have been chewing this over. I guess I am wondering if ancestors play important role in our human journey if our souls are continually change physical shells with reincarnation. Would love your and others thoughts 💜

New here and I really resonate with you and your teachings ... :-)

pretty awsome content

Wow❤️

What about when the other person, like a child (teenager) refuses to re-engage after the break in order to resolve the conflict? How can I get my teen to re-engage in order to create healthy modeling for him? I have been feeling so helpless as a parent, especially as I reparent myself as I have dealt with so much trauma as a child. Reparenting myself and raising a child, a teen, is challenging. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I was wondering if you could do a video or have advice on how with great privilege comes great responsibility. I am a white woman, with US citizenship, and a masters degree. I cannot believe how lucky I am in this physical life. I want to do more, but I am overwhelmed at where to start. I guess these feelings of immense responsibility are common for empaths. Also not sure if I should start community or internationally. I am also a mother to a three yr old. As I am writing this I am thinking I need to meditate on it more to figure out where to start and which of my passions to share.... thanks 💜

How do I enroll in the free healing texts? I tried texting the number and it says invalid. I love your videos and content, they are very informative and helpful!

Lovely ! Thank you so much. Where is the link to dive in deeper?

I really needed this today but I freeze any suggestions

Hi Nicole, I have a question about your future self journal exercise. It says to complete step 1 for 30 days then move onto step 2. Do I rewrite what i wrote for step 1 for 30 days continuously? And then when i move onto step 2, do that every day for 30 days? And it breaks it down by a habit we are working on. Can I do multiple habits at once (every day) for 30 days? Hoping this makes sense!

💗💗💗

My boyfriend just broke up with me because we have conflicts and he told it to his friends about his problem in our relationship and didn't try to open it with me i wanted to explain my side and fix our conflict but he refused.

Thank you I’m going to try to explain it to my partner but then I get flooded and stuck

Curious when taking a break from the conversation, how much time should really be given? Also, should that time be spent away from one another or just away from the subject? I have a partner that will call a time out (totally fair and respected), and I sometimes wait days before I will hear from him again (we live separately). I want to be supportive and understanding, but question if this actually creates more division in the long run.

So this just popped up after an argument with my boyfriend. 😅

What do you think about positive psychology? (Martin Seligman, etc)

I don’t see the link

I do that ruminating and get stuck

I need help for when the person (one whom you HAVE to deal with) won’t participate in this process or is generally unsupportive in this self-healing/growth.

Where’s the link to the other video? lol

Can you put link I don’t see it

Can you do a video on addiction issues, please? I am struggling with this. Maybe my emotional needs are not being met and I substitute it with drugs? Not sure.

What if you think the person is a narcissist?

I can’t find link to video ‘how to support someone’ that you mention at the end of this vid pls x

what if you have baby twins and no support and its just you two? what if its gone too far? what if your partner refusing to engage and is living with you but ghosting you?

I go down a rabbit 🐇 hole because he does not understand me and I feel worse

Brilliant but why is there always something wrong with the audio?! 😩

Next time when you make a video, I recommended not wearing those rattling bracelets of you're going to be talking with your hands so much. Especially not directly in front of the microphone. It's very distracting.

Whoa! Brush your hair 😬

This couldn't have come at a more perfect time. Thank you!