Santa's Christmas Elf (Named Calvin) - The Cinema Snob 

Nostalgia Critic: "Garbage Pail Kids is the single worst movie I've ever seen in my life, bar none." Cinema Snob: "You're adorable."

When the first 5 seconds are silence and a judgmental stare, you know you're in for some good snob

I've got to give Brad a mountain of credit here, he managed to write a 26 minute episode, and a damn funny one at that, based on material from a glorified slideshow!

Hell, even *Dingo* *Studios* at least *tries* to animate!

On the poster, it says the movie is directed “by Barry Mahon”. Barry Mahon was the co-director of SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY. Holy hell.

It's the Plumbers Don't Wear Ties Christmas special!

Dorothy Green Brown... "Pick a fucking colour!!" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

True hardcore Snob fans roll call! Like if you watched the whole video!

Instead of Olaf's Frozen Adventure, imagine if Disney played this in front of Coco.

12:05 How could you not comment on that image? Her face looks creepier than any kid's face I've seen in any horror movie ever. To quote Rosemary's Baby: "Its eyes! What have you done to its eyes?!"

The only way to truly watch this movie is to have Snob narrate the entire thing, making up the story as he goes

This elf should've stayed on the shelf.

Holy shit... this was a real movie! I thought I had hallucinated it. I had a strange aunt and uncle that was show us these weird Christmas movies when we'd do Christmas together. I remembered this whole movie where everything was a series of dolls in still shots, and as soon as I started watching this review, it all came flooding back.

Hold on, Santa looks at the bullies' faces to memorize their names... does Santa have the Shinigami Eyes from Death Note?

A movie made entirely of the still photography of old Christmas decorations and lawn ornaments. Merry Christmas kids!

*Achievement Unlocked* "Hell yeah!"

Dorothy Green Brown... "Pick a f*ing colour!!"

When a snob episode starts with "For ten years", you know you're in for some shit...

If I want to enjoy a Christmas story with someone named Calvin, I'll stick to Calvin And Hobbes, thank you very much!

so they made an adaption of a children's book, took some pictures of dolls and put audio over it. Paranormal Activity boasted that it took only a thousand dollars to make, THIS looks like it was made with some poor kid's lunch money. Seriously if FIVE people went to see this movie it will have made it's production value back.

I don't even think Rifftrax could cover this one. There's bad, and then there's.....THIS.

12:05 God.... damn. That image will forever haunt my nightmares.

Well it can't be stop motion if the motion never starts

I survived....somehow. Gold star status: achieved.

3:04 That's actually the reason why I don't mind cream of mushroom soup.

Sansa Stark: A monster has taken our home. We have to liberate the North. Santa: *terrifying face*

... How the fuck do you call it a 'movie' if nothing ever actually *moves*?

This is... just a slideshow. A SLIDESHOW. A seventy minute long S-L-I-D-E-S-H-O-W. How is this even allowed to call itself a movie?

Joke's on you. I played Skyrim while this played in the background.

I'm officially a gold star Snob fan. When I come for the Snob, I come aaaaall the way. Hard!

Saw the title and immediately thought of "The Time Machine (I Found at a Yard Sale)".

Your onesies get better and better each year Brad. Christmas wouldn't be the same without you.

He started channeling Mr Bill while driving the sleigh too.

Video begins comparing to Fun In Baloonland, Miss Velmas Most Incredible Christmas Week AND Ghosts Cant Do It?? oh boy oh boy oh boy this ones gonna be good

its like someone tryed to make a stop motion movie but forgot the motion half

12:05 - W... T... F? That abominable little demonspawn wants to jump out of the stillshot and eat my soul. (Seriously, that's *horrifying*.)

The expression on the girl's face at 12:07 is horrifying! OH MY GOD!

Alternate title: Elves Don't Wear Ties

_it's like we never left Balloonland..._

So, I was ordering a meal in line at a DFAC earlier today, and saw some brown gravy with mushrooms, and thought to myself, "Hm. I wish that didn't have mushrooms. Why do I not like mushrooms though? I like cream of mushroom after all. What is it about mushrooms themselves that I don't like?" I never answered my own questioning thoughts, but thanks to you, Brad, I don't have to. Or, more accurately, thanks to Santa's Christmas Elf, who is named Calvin.

Aren’t “Movies” supposed to...you know...move. Isn’t that how they came to be known as such...because they were “moving pictures?” Like how when verbal audio (talking) was introduced, people started calling them “Talkies.”

It is truly amazing how Brad keeps finding films even worse than Miss Velma or Saving Christmas. Truly spectacular

Anyone else instinctively recoil at 12:05? I sure did

I think a Snob Christmas marathon is in order. Ms. Velma, Magic Christmas Tree, Last Ounce of Courage, and many more. That's a Merry Christmas for sure!

I streamed this on my ps3 and my cat sat on the controller at least 6 times, rewinding it in the process. So I got to re-watch a good chunk of it. Joy.

Santa's Christmas Elf (Named Calvin) & Knuckles

In my mind, I was thinking, "hmm, Barry Mahon, I know I've read or heard that name before...". Looked him up on IMdB, and OMG he directed and produced _Rocket Attack USA_ , which MST3k did (S2E5)! Evidently I'd remembered Tom Servo doing his Ed McMahon impression during the opening credits, when Mahon's name was shown. But wow, looking at the long string of shit this guy is responsible for making, this movie is his 'chef-d'œuvre final'. Have to give him credit for going out with a fart.

Anyone else a Gold Star Snob Fan? :D ETA: Why do all the narrators for these things sound like they're on downers all the time? Also, I died at "... in Dean Corll's basement." Oh my God.

10:07 "Yes, that's nice, but they asked you for parents..." That's called human trafficking

The narrator sounds like the lady in “Fun in Balloon Land.” “They’re so gay!”

This reminds me of those slide shows they used to show in school.

Never thought their would be a Christmas special worse than the Christmas tree

I am seriously creeped out by these still pics.

"Under the north star" THERE'S A FIST! *ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!!!*

Dawn of the Final Film - 53 Minutes Remain

The second video of the month and the snob is already broken, this will be a good december

Isn't the whole point of a movie to, you know.... MOVE?!?!?!

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my second time viewing this. So, and sorry, Brad, for jumping the gun here, I award the Gold Star Snob Medal with Oak Leaf Clusters and Crossed Swords to all those who have viewed this review all the way through, and a combination of that medal, the Victoria Cross, and the Congressional Medal of Honor to Brad Jones, AKA The Cinema Snob, for initially viewing and reviewing this film for the review. At the very least, he deserves those awards for that feat of endurance.

I like to think, for a brief period of time while watching this...thing, Brad had a prolonged internal debate with himself as to whether or not Nukie was really the worst movie he's ever seen.

Behold, The Plumbers Don't Wear Ties of Christmas Movies.

Plumbers Don't Do Christmas Movies

I'm a gold star Snob fan! Yaaaay!

Remember those film strips we used to watch in 1st grade? Yeah, pad one of those out to feature length and make it about horrifying elf dolls getting strapped to model planes by the father and uncle of Sid from Toy Story.

@12:05 The little girl looks like she's slightly possessed....

That one clip at the beginning. I don't think I'm gonna make it. Edit: I made it through and it was the first time I really believed I would die of boredom.

Every time Brad brings up the minute mark, take a shot. Trust me; it'll get you through.

It's still better than "Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas."

12:07 "and now you belong to me. You're my own little real doll and we're going to have lots of fun" the screaming won't stop.

After the President agreed to help Santa renew his visa, Santa went on Twitter to make comments about how the President didn't let use Air Force One in which the President replied that he should have just let Calvin stayed with Kim

After watching this, I've one question. How the hell did the MST3K guys NOT find this one????

You know, when I saw the notification, I thought it said Satan's Christmas Elf. That title fits.

Whew... I... I made it. I’m a Gold Star Snob Fan. ⭐️

Children's television used to do this sometimes when I was a kid (90s). Not full movies, mind you, and not photographs, but they'd have a person sitting in a chair, reading a story from the book, and occasionally it would shift to the illustrations of the book. I always found them incredibly boring, even as a kid, but seeing this... it's so, so much worse.

For the love of Santa Christ, this is creepy as all holy fuck. Only your hilarious fury made me get through it, Snob.

Time for my annual rewatch of Brad's best Christmas videos

I saw the notification and knew I had to come - come ALL the way

So they film maker decided that he enjoyed the storyboards so much that he just said "Let's go with that!" Mazle tov!

12:05 Her eye! She looks creepy as hell.

I feel like Snob is projecting his personal feelings on mushrooms onto this elf.

It's sorta got an IMDB page now... your review of it has a IMDB page... so it sorta has a page now!

“Headed for the closet where Santa wears only one boot...” ...and nothing else?

With the creepy deep shadows, this would probably fit in perfectly if you splice in random graphic horror movie shots.

I can't imagine seeing this... thing... in the cinema. Just watching this video was difficult.

This episode has become a recent favorite of mine...I guess I'm a sadist

This is definitely that movie you'd have a hard time explaining if someone walked in on you watching it.

If a movie doesn't have an imdb page then you know it's bad.

You know you are in for a treat when you can find fuck all about the movie on IMBD

Wow, I never thought I'd ever seen a film that was bad enough to just simply be a slideshow of a bunch of photographs. Does this even count as a film, or is it just some office presentation? It's just so confusing.

i want you to know that i lost every match of splatoon i played while watching this. this was painful.

"No Visa Santa, travel ban, I didn't get that electric football game I wanted when I was 6, I will build a wall across the north pole too! Bigly! Make Christmas Great Again!" -The President.

Wow, so is this literally not a movie, then? A movie is a motion picture. This is just a long slide show with audio.

Jokes on you, Brad. I'm a college student. You can't break what's already broken. This, though...if anything could, this would be it.

Christmas Screensaver: The Movie😀

Somehow I knew this would come back to the Ice Cream Bunny. And is that the same narrator as Fun in Balloonland??

You top yourself every year, Brad. I only wished I was dead twice while watching this instead of four like with Ms. Velma, Christmas with a Capital C, and Last Ounce of Courage.

"Heilig" means "holy". As in "Holy shit, this is bad!"

Gold Star Snob Fan achieved! My life is now compete. :-D

I stayed till the end! Gold Star Snob Fan!

Never thought a film would make me say, "Oh Thank God! A PragerU ad! I could use some movement."

Legion (on FX) just had an episode with a very similar slideshow/"stop-motion" look - but that show did it beautifully.