Scared to Have More Kids After Traumatic Births 

I don't understand why this decision needs to be made at 3 months post partum. Relax and enjoy your current baby, let your body heal.

Saw this title and instantly clicked. After having a traumatic birth and going through therapy because of ptsd, I am grateful that you decided to post this. This is too relatable for so many woman and doesn't get talked about often enough.

So glad this was an episode . People think c section is easy and it’s absolutely terrifying and traumatic I will NOT do it again! I feel bad leaving my daughter an only child , but unless you go through it you have NO idea . And your risk for death, clots, bleeding out is very high!! Take your blessings and enjoy them! Do not worry about a third! Be here and live for your boys!

I've gone through this. Hence I only have 1 child. The fear of having to go through the trauma again is too strong. It's been 16 years now and it still is present in my head. 😢

As someone who has endured multiple sections, it sounds like a planned section could be a conversation with your OB. If I'm following, it's just labor you need to avoid. It's ok if you decide that's not for you too ❤. Enjoy all the sweet cuddles for now!

Dr John is spot on- that’s not “robbed” . Correct. She has 2 healthy boys… also again no guarantee her 3rd would be a girl.

I was 31 pregnant and got very sick on top of that, my baby died and I. Needed a hysterectomy, my picture ended that day, I had to have the hysterectomy, I see you as how lucky you are to have those 2 boys I wanted 2 children my body couldn’t do 1 , my heart was broken my life was broken and my husband abused me , I’m not married anymore, went through my grief and started all over again and it was so hard but worth it, do I still wish I had children yes but I don’t, so all I can say be happy with what you have in my eyes your very lucky to have your 2 boys, love them and enjoy everyday with them

You have two kids. At 3 months old, I wouldn't be thinking about another baby. You could have another one and it could be a boy. Later on, adopt a little girl, It is your body.

Scheduled c-sections are the best. My first didn't go as planned and ended up a c-section. My other 2 were scheduled and went great. Don't let society dictate how to properly deliver a baby. As long the baby and you are safe then all is a blessing.

Scheduled c sections are the best thing ever coming from a emergency one .

I had STRONG feelings about having another baby while I was 7 months pregnant with my son. My C-Section was an emergency and life threatening. If this happened in the 1970's, I would have not survived giving birth. After the birth, my son was 1 month premature but doing great. I was hospitalized for a week under careful observation and monitoring. I was so happy when I got pregnant a few years later, but then I miscarried, which was heartbreaking. My premature son is 30 years old now, and healthy.

Since her 2 births were literally a life and death experience ... I wonder if she ever thought that statistically she would have a similar experience with a 3rd birth ... not only a similar experience but a potential death. So if she dies on the the table who would be there for her sons... and if the 3rd baby lives who would be there for her 3 children??? She dodged 2 bullets with birthing her 2 sons... which IMO is obviously a blessing.

I really hope she gets to meet Ruth 😭 that made me cry when she said that

I want a 4th child but mentally I don’t think I should but my heart says yes . I’m definitely grieving that .

"Ruth" might come to your family in a different way than you expect or hope for. Be still in your mind and heart. Give your best to your sons and in time you will know.

I think she really needs to better understand her medical condition and any risks from an ob. They are the ones that can help her decide if her labor put her at risk or the actual birth experience. Since Dr John doesn’t have this knowledge he won’t be able to give the answer based on his lack of education on those 2 previous births. You can get your birth records of your 2 babies and go to a person who has the education to better help you.

She definitely wanted a different answer here

No guarantee she would get a girl, not a good reason

Oh sweet mama, please give yourself time to heal before you make this decision. I’m a doula and I always suggest that those who have traumatic births or even non traumatic births, wait at least a year before they make a serious decision about future children. And please reach out to a Doula to talk this out. It is always a great idea to get a second and third opinion from other OBGYN’s as well. Once you have considered all options, risk factors and stats. You can then make a clear, fully informed decision, without PP hormones and be confident that whatever decision you make is based out of love for yourself and your family and not based on fear.

I wonder if she would be happy adopting a little girl? I get birth trauma, totally different experience here but I get it. My experience did not physically prevent me from having our fourth, but it was psychological torture and took a lot to work through.

Seriously need to assess WHY she feels the need to RISK her life for a 3rd kid.

why are some ppl so obsssed with having children? I don't understand.

He’s very right about the picture we have . We have to accept when we have sons instead of daughters. And daughters instead of sons. One kid or multiple kids. It all happens how it’s supposed to Happen . Feeling robbed is real experience . I felt robbed of a natural birth . Robbed of a nice pregnancy experience . Reality is I’m just not good with pregnant and that’s okay 🤷‍♀️ blessed for my one. ❤ don’t let made up expectations Rob your happiness now.

I disagree with him that significant labor and birth complications shouldn't be called trauma. I think it's fair to say that men can't understand how lasting and invasive those feelings of being robbed of something so fundamental to women can be.

I had an emergency c-section with my first child and we both almost didn’t make it out alive. It was very traumatic. I believe I had PPA as well. I’m very thankful that I was able to have a successful VBAC with my second child. C-section recovery was horrible for me

Having two kids and a loving and present father is lucky. I have a hard time understanding this

Easy answer. No! Even with no kids this seems like an easy choice but already having two. That's insanity to risk all this.

My third section(emergency after labor and fetal ejection reflex) almost ended in death(placenta accreta). They told me it would be wise not to have more children and I agreed and was thankful to be alive(them taking out your bladder and filling it with green dye to make sure they didn't knick it will do that to you 😅). Sometimes we just have to cultivate gratitude with what we have. ❤ Ps. I've also learned birthing hips is not a thing. 😅

She wants to have a little girl... but it's not always what u get. I had 3 girls and grieved hard over not having a boy. I'm over it now, but it's life. U don't always get what u want and my pregnancies where high risk and ill never do it again just because i want a boy. . My bff had 3 boys and kept trying for a girl. She fell into depression wanting a girl so bad. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ just gotta be happy with what u have and thankful for ur health and ur children's health.

hi, you are 3 months pp. of course your body isn't ready and is saying no. give it a year or two and your body will tell you it is safe and ready. get a vbac supportive ob and new hopsital. love always

Really appreciate this call. Im 5 months postpartum and I can really relate, not exactly because I've never had a c-section, but I had a kidney issue that flaired up from my last 2 pregnancies. I know I need to grieve my medical reality too and the loss of that picture I had of having a big family. But i can so relate to how hard it is ❤

I had a traumatic first birthing experience. Emergency C section plus feeling the cut, being put under general. Then I lost way to much blood needed transfusions. This when I was 22. Since then I've had 2 more ceasers with another one on the way. So it will be 4 ceasers in total. Last ceaser was the best of 3 even though I was older and had gestational diabetes. All my babies by the grace of God are healthy. There's still hope but maybe not something you need to make a decision about right now. Enjoy your precious gifts for now.

This isn’t possible for everyone, but depending on the medical issues involved…..here’s what I did. I studied certain midwifery texts and home birth books, and had two home water births after a bad experience in a hospital. There were some scenarios I would go to hospital, it was close. It was super empowering - they changed my life!

Lots of pearls of wisdom in this one!!

Hey caller … I just wanted to send you hugs from here. I know losing the vision of an ideal vaginal birth is hard, my first became an ECS turned NICU, but know that is not the only way. C-Sections can be so healing. You can choose the music you listen to, you’re awake, the air is calmer and more serene. Your husband can announce boy or girl to the world if you are “Team Green,” you can control all aspects in a calm manner. Know that you can birth this way and it is still a beautiful birth. I also want to touch on the possibility your third child might be another boy. It is hard to mourn a hope of a potential baby being born … my first three were girls and I mourned not having a son to be like his father. I freaking get it. And it’s okay, because your daughter may come to your doorstep in 20 years, holding onto your son’s arm and getting to know you. Just please don’t have a third if you are not okay with chancing another boy. It’s okay to stop at two because you don’t want to chance another son. I hope you seek solace in the gift of your two children and know you are not any less of an amazing woman because you needed a c section. You are still their mother!

Those two boys need their mom. They need her. The proverbial third who doesn't even exist yet, doesn't. You deserve to be here mom & you are needed here.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. Everyone talks about the magic of having children but this is the reality. This is something every man and woman should be aware of prior to having children.

One of the rare episodes where I can relate to the caller. I didn’t have a C section but I did have undiagnosed preeclampsia and really struggled through postpartum as well. We had 2 boys, wanted a girl, had a 3rd (another boy) and my body has basically given up. Even though we had already bought a home with 4 bedrooms, and our youngest really wants a baby brother or sister, we aren’t having anymore kids. It’s taken about a year but I’ve started accepting it. The older they get the easier it has been for me.

M’y first child turned 49 a couple of days ago. She was a 6 hour LaMaze delivery with no meds at alll..imagine my surprise when my next two were emergency Cesareans! Ultimately, I have 3 healthy adult kids and my body bounced back with a few repercussions, but bounced back it did! Allow yourself to enjoy the two sweet little ones you now have, let your body heal, and try not to worry about it. My heart wanted a third, and I got him…you’ll make the right decision with your husband at some point. Right now you’re still in an emotional state. Hugs!

Anyone else having trouble hearing some of the guest's responses toward the end of the show? This is the second one today....

Don’t worry about how many kids you will have or won’t have, Sally. I’m not in a parent but hope to be one day. Your blessings and enjoy your time with the two boys you have right now and give yourself some time and space to heal and recover.

You don’t have to decide right now!

love this one. I connected with her situation even though my perspective is a bit different. John, you made me tear up when talking about the ideal birth with vaginal delivery and perfect skin to skin and nursing. I relive that moment all the time even two years later. it's a fantasy... it never happened that way. but the reality check you gave was so needed (I'm sure by many who desire natural births etc)

She wanted him to tell her to go for it (after hearing how dangerous the first two were) and got upset when he didn’t…. Why call into the show if u have ur mind set already? I don’t wanna break my own heart like that lol

This is so sad. I homebirth because of the failed hospital birthing system.

I have ptsd and completely everything understand as the same happened to me with my first and her having to be in the Nicu because of doctor mistakes and then I nearly died from and internal infection. With the 2nd I had a missed miscarriage and needed a d and c at another hospital then I nearly died from a blood clot and pe in both lungs from the surgery. I am now pregnant again and yes I am scared but I am not changing my plans for a large family and am still planning on going for baby number 3 after this my 2nd girl in the fall.

I can't believe how similar this situation is to me. I have 2 girls, 2 years old and 2 months old. I almost died after the first one, second one required a scheduled early c section. I can't help but obsessively fixate on whether or not I want a third. We would love to have a boy. We already have his name picked out too.

Medically, there is a limit to the number of C-sections a woman can safely have. If you have to have C-sections, you can’t have several more. More than 3 is an issue. Check with your doctor. If you have to have C-sections, you can’t have a lot of kids. That being said, scheduled C-sections are a lot less traumatic than emergency C-sections.

My daughter was a planned C-section, but then there was complications during labor and it became an emergency C-section, which was so traumatizing its taken me 11 years to finally say I can go through with another pregnancy.

If she's thinking about #3 while so newly postpartum....she's probably gonna want that third baby. So schedule the C-section. Look up "gentle c-sections". It could actually be a really healing thing, since it won't be an emergency and will be much more like a birth (if you understand what I mean, obviously it's a birth lol)

Wife and I have not been able to conceive a child after 10 years of marriage. This nice mother doesn't realize what she has.

cannot hear the callers response at 12 minutes

Adopt?

Thank God we live in a time when we get to choose how big our families are and when we wanted to stop having children. Our ancestors did not have that choice. Our grandmothers were forced to be pregnant and give birth without medication or life saving technology over and over again. Our grandfathers and grandmothers were forced to work and feed more kids than they possibly could. Thank God we can choose whether we want to bring children into this world at all.

With two babies and two difficult pregnancies, I would say call it done. It's a huge risk to keep going if you've already had complications. They need you to be well - mentally and physically.

Enjoy the children you have Sounds like your body can’t take anymore, love and enjoy the children you have, why can’t people do this in this society, be grateful for what you have and enjoy a good life Losing your health or your life what would your children you have without you or if you live your in poor health and can’t have fun with your boys Is it worth that?

Raise the ones you've got. (Mom of 7 here).

It seems strange to hear John “talking to himself” at the end of the video. Is it just me or did her audio cut out?😅

No, you don’t need more kids.

Something that she hasn’t perhaps thought of is perhaps through her son’s (should they choose to get married) she may gain two daughters in the shape of two daughters in law.

I loved having a c-section it's easy peasy

Just get a scheduled c section if you have another. I had to make peace with mine as well. I've had 5 sections. Not what i wanted first two were unnecessary caused depression but I'm here and so are they. The real issue is labor. Also, the surgery you have to ask the surgeon about your scar tissue. If you heal well they will tell you honestly if it's safe to carry another baby. I heal well so last time they stiched me up they said i could easily have one more.

Lots of people have 4 c sections so having 3 and stopping is a middle ground however if u decide 2 was enough then its enough

I had twins at 20 via C-section. Traumatized! I’m 28 now and don’t want to have more because I’m scared. I do feel bad 😞

Poor lady 😢

Mad at the hopsital? They saved your life. I had preeclampsia at 37 weeks. Had it not been for the hospital, Id be dead!

You are blessed with 2 children. Some challenges yes, but try not to think of it as robbed. You are postpartum. Give your mind and body a break for a little while.

What if the third one is a boy again?

If having a daughter is that important, I'd recommend adoption. She could go through all that again, planned c-section, recovery, etc, and have a third boy.

My cousins first baby was stillborn. It took a few years for he and his wife to try again.

It’s also very likely the hospital CAUSED this issues that then led to the “emergency” cesareans.

I wish i could have listened to her voice at the end of the call. She cut out around 11:00

I had 2 c_ sections I emergency the other scheduled I'm just as much as a mother as any one else 😂

I say do it. You won’t regret it. However I would do the research on finding a doctor that specializes in high risk pregnancies. Stay healthy and best of luck.

I don't think she wanted the advice she said she wanted. She wanted validation on her negative feelings and people in the real world are sick of hearing it. I can't imagine how sad it is not to get the skin to skin contact straight away. After looking forward to it the entire pregnancy. I feel like she's really angry still and doesn't know how to heal it. She knows it's not bad enough to be angry for people to understand, but she can't logic away the feelings she's going through. She's struggling with anger and feeling unheard. I hope she will be ok

My life isn't perfect=Ive been robbed maturity acceptance needed

I have 2 girls and after 10years gap am thinking of a 3rd...but i had normal birth both the times so i am considering a 3rd...but the 3rd might not the gender i want..

I feel like if she decided to go for a third and it was another boy it would break her even more. She is so set on her picture perfect goal that she cannot influence in any way.

You just had a baby lady . Enjoy your newborn , be grateful everyday . Give it some time. Also, there are no garantes that you will have a girl .

What the gynecologist tells you

then just… don’t??

It’s going to be awhile for me

HERE’S HOW TO DECIDE! Ask yourself… if you knew your 3rd baby would be a boy, would you have the third? I think this has way more to do w/ wanting gender selection than it has to do w/ just another baby and birth trauma. You could easily have the third major abdominal surgery and it’s a boy. EASILY!

Why is she talking about this at 3 months postpartum??? Wait three years, then decide.

Why women feel the need to have 3. 4. 5. 6 kids? Who's gonna pay for it? Imagine husband dies or leaves, she can't work, what she's gonna do??? Talking about jaundice - if you don't vacx the kids - they will not have medical emergincies.

Take your time and ask the obstetrician for advice.

Women and babies have died in childbirth.

“We wanted to meet Ruth!!” Pretty cringy

This comment section is so judgmental. It’s so disgusting.

They should adopt a little girl.

This woman needs to watch “The Business of Being Born.” Darling if you’re reading this, know that your body didn’t fail you. The hospital did. Possibly consider a home birth next time. ❤❤ God says 365 times in the Bible “Fear Not.” Everything is going to be ok little lady.

This is seriously stupid! Lady please do not risk your life you have existing kids to take care of. Please dont think of having imaginary kids look at the existing one.

Because of lack of gun control in America children are no longer safe in public schools without a cell phone to reach out for help. Let’s not dance around the gun issue. Gun violence is the issue not cell phones.

You can always tell when a woman’s only identity is wife and motherhood.

The answer is always NO.

Man these baby factories are ungrateful

I’m first!

The world is overpopulated. Stop

Im third

Take your time and ask the obstetrician for advice.