Signs You Are Wasting Your Time Trying To Get Your Ex Back 

1) Addiction 2) Legal involvement 3) Cheating & lack of commitment 4) Mental health issues & resistance against therapy 5) Manipulation (Threats, reality distortions etc.) 6) Lack of responsibility & blaming all on you 7) Mixed messages

A relationship is a full time job. Never get a part timer.

I value myself too much to waste my time and energy. I never chase anyone. His loss.

Who else was relieved at the end of the video because none of this applies to their situation? 😅

Who was relieved when they got a perfect score and realized that getting off the sinking ship was a good thing?

This one is one of my favorites. It’s a great reminder and eye opener to reality. Not all men/women are healthy people capable of being in a worthwhile lasting relationship. Great insight. Thank you.

I realised after only 1 month, my ex has their own issues to deal with.. they were never happy with anything, theh hope to inflict pain of abandonment & thrive off the power because they suffered in the past & their most likely their childhood. it’s sad but maybe some of you may relate and it could help clarify why they seemed so careless walking away. Best to stop doubting yourself, I did. things happy when you least expect them 👍🏼

If someone here have the same situation discussed by the coaches, please keep on watching the videos for personal development. You don't need anyone to be happy. You just have to work on yourself guys. This channel discusses topics on improving you and the elements affecting relationships rather than focusing on tricking your ex to get back. I love this channel. 3mos NC and counting.

Any kind of real relationship gives you energy it doesn't take it ..I felt that 🙌

I know absence make the heart grow founder. It's best to remember the good and bad and learn from it. Don't create a new person that is only an ideal. Like Person A" is the old person, and person B" is your fantasy (the ideal). Don't recreate a false image of a person that doesn't exist. Instead, let yourself grow and move on. You don't really miss person A". Remember familiarity isn't always the healthiest choice. Compatibility is key in relationship. After a break-up- As time progresses you can now see clearly. Relationships are a Bonus!! Not a necessity. Remember, being close to someone is not restricted to one person. Again, don't stop yourself from growing. Don't give up on love it's out their - you will find it when you are ready.

The main and the biggest reason for most of BREAKUPS is that we dont own the 50/50 policy , we just keep blaming each other and getting only one part to have all the responsibilities for the break up .

Oh, look at sweet Margaret, all cute with her new hairstyle! Much love!

My husband walked out on me a year ago, and I used to put him on a pedestal. You’re videos help me SO much. I’ve been getting help with a local therapist as well. My husband has been making so many childish decisions and can’t seeem to grow up. It’s taken me near a year to realise I’m wasting my time. Now I’m taking serious steps to move forward no matter how difficult it is. I value myself enjoy that I will never ask for someone to stay with me and I’m amazing person and they can’t see it, then CYA!

Avoidants are difficult..I try to stay away..follow your peace first

I liked the way you explained not only the undesirable issue, but the continual impact. The balance of power problem can be explored even more. For me that's difficult. SO GOOD. THANKS 🤗

My boyfriend just ended it. He suffers from bipolar and self medicates with alcohol. This video helped me see that although I miss him, I need to keep my distance until he can help himself. Thank you for addressing this, it’s been very difficult to let go of the love I have for him.

I had a coworker do this- she would yell at me, belittle me, treat me like I was incapable of doing my job- then she cornered me one day and told me everything was my fault and I was the one that hated her and she never hated me. I told her I was over this situation and didnt return to the job- I had tried to communicate with my management and they were not able to do anything- so I will be the one that makes sure my boundaries are respected.

My ex hid his addiction to porn. When I found out about it, he blamed me for all the problems we were having. No no no! I’m glad I broke up, I’m glad it’s over, I’m glad we’re not back together. I watch your videos because I’m learning a lot about what to not do.

Kenneth and Margaret are great counselors honest truthful deer with today's truthful X problems really love watching them

You know, I'm glad I listened to this. Cause it helped me realize that the person I've been chasing after for years is more toxic to me than I initially wanted to admit. I still love her, and I want us to be together but at the same time, I'm slowly (fighting tooth and nail the whole way) coming to the conclusion that I have to put myself first, otherwise I'm going to continue in the cycle of abuse that I've been in since a young age.

Every time I watch another video I’m learning something so valuable. Thank you both.

OMG!! In the middle of watching this video my ex reached out after 2.5 months!! I’m freaking out a bit. No contact really works!

That’s what my ex said. You’re the reason we aren’t together. I believe we both had a part In it. He still to this day will not apologize for his part and I’ve apologized a hundred times I bet. Just never gonna work with that outlook.

My ex used to blame me for everything, he broke up with me. Most of the times I was just defending myself from him, I miss him sometimes but he made me favor.

This Actually made me feel better dont see any of these signs

Oh my gosh. What a huge relief on this.

THANK YOU! This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear - after calmly and kindly ending it with a guy who misrepresented his relationship with another woman...and had no intentions of ending it with her. After I calmly explained why it was over, and wished him the best, he tried to guilt trip me for "cutting him out of my life."...even 2 weeks later! He was my best friend and romantic partner/dream guy for 5 months, so it's been shocking and painful; but I've kept healthy boundaries (no contact)...mostly because INSTEAD of fixing the problem, he got mean and criticized me for leaving. He was never mean before. Your video is SO RIGHT! I know I did the right thing, but they try to make you second guess yourself and feel guilty! ("you must be so damaged and hurt to cut me out of your life" etc). Thank you for being the voice of sanity and wisdom. PLEASE make more videos for the "dumper" who's been hurt and HAD to end it. I could hug you both!

hi craig do you think you can make a video of men and their feelings after the breakup does “feelings change like the clouds in the sky” apply to them especially when they dumped you

Coach, I’m in Tampa. Would either of you be willing to do one on one session? I would very much enjoy not only growing and learning from you but also being able to shake your hand bc I definitely believe you could dissect my situation in fifteen minutes of me explaining exactly what all happened. Best of all I would like to know where I went wrong and how I can improve myself regardless if she comes back or not. Best of all and most important if I should accept her back or not if ever she realizes how much I do love her. Looking forward to working with y’all soon!! It’s hard when you get hurt by anyone that you give your heart and soul too. Can make a man do crazy things and I don’t like those feelings or thoughts. 💔

Excellent video. Coach Margaret and Coach Craig are saving not just the heart but potentially the life of others.

Any kind of real relationship gives you energy..it dosen't take it. That's perfect Margaret :)

The latest one was,if at any time in the last 5 years your actions had made me feel loved by you, we would have something,, but you haven't.

I just realized that rewatching a video helps me be more conscious of the information it contains. I think I am wasting time trying to get my ex back. I feel so sad 🤦🏻‍♀️😭

so many gems in this video

I've been watching your videos and your advice has helped a lot so far for me to get out of depression and anxiety. I don't have enough money to get a private coaching from you. I have four kids I'm taking care of myself, but I was wondering if you had any advice for me. I was in a 5 year relationship and later my wife was diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar I. I went through all the panic and crying and such... Either way, she started talking to someone else before she left. I'm trying no contact except for talking about the kids when necessary. I know that's all I can do is work on myself and my household, but I'm not sure if with her condition it's even possible for her to come back.

I had been wasting my time as soon as i got with him... and the biggest mistake i made was marrying him... i was the best thing that happened to him so if i never see him again it wouldnt bother me

All these ones are real deal breakers. All of them can cause so much pain and may cause trauma. Never underestimate the issues that someone can cause you.

Monday’s video early? 😮

Craig… hold up hold up, " Avoid and Attachment Style"?? What is this you speak of? Please do tell, and quite possibly do a video on it? I've watched quite a few videos now, and I will reiterate what others have said.. Your videos do pull us through, especially during the quarantine time we are in now 04/08/2020 They shed alot of light when your in the dark searching for answers. Your video's are inspiring, and give us guidance for a life changing event, such as a break up.. Or shall I say, how you can make a break up, into a life changing event and come out better! Thank you Craig, for what you do. I think I speak for everybody when I say... we appreciate you. Best Wishes.

I am going to listen to this one everyday. It's 100% , everything that I'm dealing with.. he has said everything that you two have just said. It's like you both were here through the entire ordeal, i had with him. . Now, i need to hear one that talks about what to do now, after this and how to continue on the right track. Entiat

Thanks guys, this video really made sense, I laughed at your comment (slightly) half way through! I'll book a session with Margaret sometime this week. :)

Wow it’s today’s video!! Thanks for summarizing all issues I’ve dealt with. Weirdly while I’ve known, it’s been very difficult to truly believe it and feel relaxed about it.... that probably has been my trauma.

Thank you for making that video you guys are really good you work great together as a team and even though I broke up with my ex a long time ago you gave me more info on what really happened with my break up we are friends and we talk on the phone but I know now and I have a better understanding of The Break-Up why it happened and what's going on I really appreciate you guys and what you're doing I still need some help in figuring out as a single person it my standards are too high though can you make a video on single people and what they should do as far as looking for someone special to spend their life with thank you

But why isn't there another that says "they are dating someone new/in a rebound/in a new relationship" ?

Very informative, thank you!

Time with ex is allways waist of time🤣☝️the best way to heal is ignor them 🤗❤️💪🍀😎

I'm allergic to all the meds we have tried for years and I miss my husband so incredibly much

Thank you Craig. Thank you Margaret - will say a prayer for your soul. 🙏

Thanks for the video guys :)

Thank you so much for this incredible video! It is really hard to let go when you are feeling empathy towards the person sometimes despite everything he did and said. When rational and logical thinking can be mixed with feelings and emotions it makes us more confused. 🤦🏻‍♀️ An addiction can definitely ruin a relationship like extreme gaming addiction. Also gaslighting, mixed signals and other signs like mental health issues and verbal abuse.. But sometimes it's too hard to let go regardless of realizing the situation is bad. Even when the person himself let go or tries to it is still tough. But eventually we start to get stronger and have more empathy for ourselves care about ourselves.. I wish everyone to have enough emotional intelligence support and knowledge of such things with the help of ourselves and amazing people like coach Craig and coach Margaret. ™💜

I have to admit: it hurt a little bit but yeah... These are very good signs

But is the person who says "it's your fault the relationship went bad" actually wrong to say it if the other person did everything they could to damage the relationship? Everything from drug addiction, withdrawing emotionally and physically, cutting all communication, passive aggressive behaviours, etc etc. I get that in relationships that no one is perfect and has their own faults but sometimes I think saying "you're at fault here" isn't unreasonable. I've certainly accepted responsibility for my other mess ups so I'm not one to shirk blame onto others undeservedly.

“We would be together if it wasn’t for you” ha!! I heard that one. Lordie. Excellent video & excellent point by Margaret “exhausted!”

My ex screw up while we were trying to have time a part to fix oír problems, well... After the screw up I was extremely hurt, and he did the no contact for a few wks, which for me made it worse, so when he tried to reach out again, I had way too resented thinking abt a relationship with him, but when I thought abt friendship with him, I was ok. He recently told me that, he followed ur method of no contact, and avoid pressuring me into go back with him. I was like wtf!! I wanted at first to fight for it, to go through some of my pain, so I assumed he didn't care at all, and I moved on, I saw it as ohhh well, it wasn't meant to be anyways, he didn't even care abt what I went through. So the no contact rule doesn't work like magic in all the cases specially if they screwed up.

what work books do you recommend ,leaving out the one for re attracting the ex?

How are you guys doing that posted comments to this video about being left? I'm in terrible agony and found this series and been hooked watching and listening the last 4 days and it's helped give insight, but I'm totally lost as to where I fit and She fits or what sides of the fence in what roles we play in these videos, it seems dbl edge and I just want to know or here that someone has recovered anf succeeded from this.

My bpd girlfriend told me she was going out to sell her body if I didn't give her money. I gave her the money and, then blocked her. She still haven't called . I don't think she will

Thank you so much for your time and wisdom. Helped hearing this, and letting them go, as i know i can not help them anymore its in a higher power now, did what i could

Worthwhile listening to it…😇.. m comforted n relief by listening you..

Hell yeah I am wasting my time I was nothing but a rebound. She even told me in the end the I was nothing but a rebound to her. But I got attached and really liked her and wanted her.

I checked way too many boxes here. Have to learn from this.

Thank you for your video to find solutions to my problem i have been looking for the answers how i can help approach my ex. I am grateful to your video guys.

I would like to know why they disliked this videos...

God Bless you counselors. Greetings from México

Fortunately & Unfortunately 1 major one and almost all of the small ones apply to my situation. If any of these apply to you please don’t go back. Think of it this way if you could get back together then this person could be tied to you for life. Is this the life you want to live ?

Thanks for your advices.

Well my ex checks 3 boxes, 1 is in the major category 😔

I give up. She ignores and avoided me but she's always online. If I will send a message she has alibis but the truth ahe is chatting with others.

Dated an ex addict. On the outside the world, their Church and friends see them as the Example to the world as recovered. I respecting their growth and really being there in the highs and lows became the punching bag. I never say anything right etc. I disrespect them? They had me on a pedestal and now...l am busy. Trying to at least be a good friend as her bubble is mostly ex addicts. It hurts because l am confused. They have blocked me and pushed me away. I am slowly letting go but so many questions. I was blamed for everything. Still drinks alot even though they are recovered from drugs????? Help

At least if you know that your husband passed away, you know that he is dead, but in my case he has blocked me and I cannot know what he is doing, where he is living and this is suffocating me. Thanks

I was being manipulated, all you guys said was so right

Thank you for this video

My ex said that we could have been together but my sisters and his family is not in support of our relationship so he can't go ahead with our relationship.

My ex was addicted to video games this is what ended our relationship he would put gaming before not only me but our child he was never around for anything important because he would be gaming or sleeping I can't wait until my heart heals from this been about 5 months

The concept that Margaret mentions of "repeating trauma" is an interesting one. It might explain why some people cheat and have no clue as to why.

What about with children involved? How do you know exactly? Like in my instance, we were together almost 7 years... she's talking to me still(after 2 weeks) of leaving/splitting. We talk almost nighty about personal things we overlooked... I Skype the kids... We text one another but give enough space to reminisce on previous discussions, experiences, memories and realizations... But... She's passive on certain phases, kinda short still, wants to dwell on the past issues... But will laugh amd say she loves me... Im juat confised but blessed to be fortunate enough to be in the middle ,working on it

my ex is on this list, always manipulative and wishy washy, she left me three times, she likes me then she doesnt, she blocks me then unblocks me then blocks me,talks to me then wants nothing to do with me not healthy she has issues.i need to let her be if she wants me she knows where i am, its very hard cause we work together, i feel like it was my but all my friends and family say she is crazy

Mine and I started talking again after 6 months, but then he tells me he's in live with the lady he dated for 4 tears before me...we dated for 2 and half... But he says he lives us both!!!!!!???? Ugh.. How long so i give him?? To figure it out??????

Sometimes ROs are needed. Especially when someone is violent or has threatened violence. Although for the ones that keep breaking them and refusing, yeah that’s just making chaos

I honestly believe my ex may be a narcissist and she's being emotionally immature. She blocked me on all social media & I also strongly believe her mom is giving her advice/information that's causing her to not want to be with me. She also keeps blaming everything on me but wont tell me why she broke up with me in the first place and also didnt want to talk when I reached out to her. She's 27 and she lives with her mom who is single. I went to a physic and she told me her mom is most likely jealous of the relationship me and her daughter had. We went to Vegas together and we had plans of having a baby and getting married. I honestly don't know what's going on but I do know I want her back. Because I'm the best person for her. By the way, it was a long distance relationship too.

Well I dont want to manipulate her, just tell her what I have been seeing and doing, I did mistakes yes, but I was not always cold, actually very caring! And thats not even a lie, she should know, probably forgot it all.

10:00 what Margaret explained about WHY people repeat their trauma... wow! That was powerful insight!

What if my ex has early childhood trauma, which seems to have caused an avoidant attachment style, though with considerable anxiety as well. What if partly she broke up with me to return to her home country / family in order to give herself a better chance to deal with the issue. In what capacity can I still be in her life. She had her issues with me, but categorically stated she loved me when she broke up. Its very confusing. No contact is killing me as there is so much that is unresolved.

My ex and I are still married and she walked out on me with kids still with me, she has many mental problems like bipolar, ADHD, and so on, she cheated on me 4 times with the latest to be the 4th time, I'm 38 and she is 22, so when she left I was mortified, but over a short period of time I realized that she will never change, she came from a family of abuse, plus she was raped at one point in her life, now all I do is for our kids though she still acts and plays around in the streets like a child who doesn't want to grow up.

My exgf suffered from severe mental health issues, i pushed her to seek help, she started seeing a therapist and get on medication and she got so much better, our relationship improved or so i thought, she ends up breaking up with me saying that I was the issue because I was controlling and had jelousy issues, turns out she was seeing someone else and rehashed old problems that I thought I worked past a year ago, i found this out 3 weeks after she broke up with me. Even when we communicated for a day before I found all this out ( 3 weeks after the breakup ) she stated how depressed she was and that she cut her neck so they had to take her off a certain medication and prescribed her something different, I asked her if she was still seeing her therapist and she replied with no, i told her to speak to her family so they can get her the help again but this was all the day before i found out she was seeing someone. I wasnt the best bf in the world but lord knows I tried so hard for her and everything i could for her, i could have been a little more patient with her in the end but I still dont feel like i did anything wrong to her, I always tried to stop any arguments that we would have and would rather just walk away than sit there and argue, most arguments seemed like a delusion coming from her, she always thought I was cheating on her and would bring up past relationships that i was in holding them against me and i was never even a womanizer! Anyway, when she told me " I don't want to be with you anymore, there is someone else. " I couldn't believe it, years of us being together working through our problems and getting her the support that she needed, i stuck by her side even when she would get hysterical at me but she threw it all away and I dont think the new person she is with will EVER go through what I went through with her. I felt so used and betrayed, i ended up telling her that she was a liar, cheater and manipulator and i was glad that we broke up because i finally got to see the real person that she is. I dont think she'll ever see the sacrifices that I made for her or appreciate how much i progressed in my life for us to live together. I wish i could have handled the situation better but the reality is i was emotionally distraught, this was the woman I was going to propose to on Valentine's Day and spend the rest of my life with. I told her never to message me again, the next day she messages my sisters asking if I was ok. I told them not to reply. I really hate to say it but i am bitter and upset towards her but I am slowly getting better day by day. Im now even seeing a therapist which ive never done before and it's helped me out tremendously. Anyway, Im just sharing this to see if it helps anyone and because it helps me get everything out. Good luck guys and always remember there is hope after a breakup.

Hi Craig, he has a serious marijuana use about 6-8 times per day. He told me he will never ever stop this habit. But a lot of people don’t view pot as a drug or a problem. Would you say this also counts as an addiction?

We were together for 5 months, then went to Vegas with her and her friends. We had the first major fight between us and her friends witnessed the whole thing. We ended up making up but I can't help but feel this was the beginning of the end. She ended up breaking up with me a month after that and she said that "Something doesn’t feel right, and that she didn’t know that she was ready like she thought she was, always feeling irritated or anxious.", and that there was nothing that I could have done. A month later, I'm still watching these videos trying to be hopeful, however I know I need to move on and it's killing me because I've never felt like this about anyone else in my life.

how about this one: my ex lives with his ex and their children, they have been separated for 6 years but practically live as companions still-eating meals together, doing family activities together, etc. The ex's ex had problems with me and threatened to get a restraining order after he broke up with me because she and I weren't getting along. walk away? or wait for him to figure out the mess he's in?

And what if he sent a SMS saying "I am sorry but I don't want contact anymore, you were always good to me but now that's it. All the best for your life"....so it's a goodbye forever? :(

Several of these hit home. Mine broke up with me before a big vacation as well.

Hi Coach, I am totally confused. I am wondering if I should wait for my ex. He has already said several times that he isn't interested even though his actions speak otherwise. It's almost 3 years for our relationship and he is my childhood friend. We are in a long distance relationship. Can't do a coaching since I am a single mother and having a lot of financial problems. Will be glad for your help

I only visited my ex unannounced twice and the first time he was nice and respectful and even talked to me for a while. Second time I visited to apologize to him for drunk dialling and texting and to say how sorry I am. But he was furious that I turned up and his friend said cops should be called on me. It was just an innocent act. My ex and I were in so much love. I asked him later after I left whether he’s actually gonna call the cops or get a restraining order. He said he wouldn’t unless I stay away and leave him alone. Does this still count under this and I should give up hope? His friend planted this idea in his head and he mentioned it himself because I straight up asked him whether he would do such a thing

Hi Craig, I wish I can get your personal advice but I cannot afford it yet plus im from asia, but your videos are the only thing that help me dealing with my break up. Me and my gf broke up a month ago, bec she said she needed space to focus on her studies and family problems, we met week after that and ive found out one of her ex bf sent her to her hometown from the city where she studies college, ive tried to move on after that and after couple weeks she contacted me and said wanted to make up but gone again afterwards and i went back to chasing her again and we decided to talk in person, And we just met this week and talked, she said shes not ready yet to go back to our relationship because she doesnt want to hurt me once she felt the anxiety she had before, we had a date, we were sweet, we watched movie together and we made out. Now, i dont really know what to do especially when she said she needed more space and break and my fault was saying "I would wait". I need your advice and will appreciate advices from other people here. Thanks

What if they are a narcissist distorting reality and magnifying errors or exaggerating things? How will I know if this person really is a narcissist? When does watching porn become an addiction? My last therapist minimized my finance's use of porn and then my fiance was limiting our physical activity to once a week because he was "busy" with work and then I found out later he was using porn during the day to take care of himself and he worked late at night doing his work and I didn't want to interfere in respect to his work and then my needs weren't met.

Thank you for all you do!!

Do you think that my bf of two years says to me that the fact that he's never changed his "single" status on FB or ever allowed a tagged picture of us on his social media and him saying "you're reading too much into it" is THIS manipulation??

Wow. Great video

What about if she left me because Im a bi polar that works on himself and she doesnt act like an adult now 2 month of NC...we lived together six years...what about that cocktail?

Well apparently I’m on the list I’ve Been fighting with my family most of my life because I like to tell me what the right thing to do is instead of being supportive and letting me make up my own mind this is why I try my hardest not to talk with actually have to talk to him

Hi All, Just wondering if anyone can share their experience on the process of email coaching with Coach Craig. How long did it take for Coach Craig to get back to you? Is there a limitation on the number of questions you can ask or number of paragraphs to write? Any feedbacks is greatly appreciated. I am debating on whether to sign up for Skype coaching vs Email coaching. Thanks!!