He literally never complimented me….to the point where I just didn’t try to dress up. Fast forward I’m reclaiming my beauty; it’s been an amazing process
I started to hide my success from him because he was such a hater...my accomplishments felt like they didn't matter because of him! I'm so happy I left! Best decision of my life 🎉
I wrote two children books…both times he threatened to not come to the book signing ceremony in turn to flipping things around on me like I’m not worthy of his presence “nigga bye”
Omg! My divorce was final 10 days ago after 31 yrs. I was incredibly ill for a decade, on a feeding tube and everything! I was 100% dependent on him for literally everything. I started regaining my health so I tried something really cute to spice up our marriage in the bedroom. He said “ oh wow! You look almost “ doable “ again “! I cried for a damn week. I was so hurt by this. He assaulted me Dec 5th . I filed for divorce on the 11th. I’m moving on and I got my first job yesterday , after not working for a decade
Congratulations! ❤My big fat dumb narc had his dramatic narcissistic collapse on December 11 (we both lucked out friend) and checked himself into a swanky $100,000 45 day treatment program, and two weeks later I realized what I was married to (he was attempting a humiliating discard/delay tactic and thought I wouldn’t leave quite yet) and moved out the day before he got out of treatment. Still doing the divorce process, but losing 350 pounds of narc and having my own place feels FABULOUS!!!
Yep, if someone complimented me or praised me to my narc or in front of him he would respond with something very degrading or insulting about me . He did this time and time again 😢
My nex lost his everlovin MIND when we went to Florida and he actually met my friends and saw that people loved me. He pitched such a fit that we were asked to leave the bar. Ok, fine. As soon as we got back to the hotel room, he strangled me and tried to off me. Thank God for my German Shepherd! That was the final straw for me. I called the police, filed a report and got a TPO. Then I became best friends with his ex wife! We went to court TOGETHER against that fool! Win, win.
He would compliment other women at work and tell me all about it. But then say to me " compliments are lies people tell you when they want something from you."
Oh my gosh…that just seems like a lot of mental work…that is so sad that there are people in this world who feel like that…they were lacking so much love as children and had manipulative role models…wish they had humbler beginnings. Blessings to all.
We went to a wedding and everyone was complimenting me. Since he wasn’t the center of attention, he got jealous, stomped off and left me. He never complimented me, but I would overhear him telling someone else all about me in a positive manner. However, this was a form of manipulation of the other person and to make me look crazy if I say he didn’t ever do it. That’s not the story he gave them! MASTER MANIPULATOR!
@LisaHoward-fq8jw my mother did the same exact thing to me. She would say all these amazing things about me to my siblings and our extended family. And when my sister would tell me about it I would tell her. Well it would be nice if she would tell me that to my face and not just to others when I'm not around. She never had a positive thing to say about me or to me to my face. So that's how I knew that those nice things that she said about me were to help create a bigger and broader facade to help cover her ass. Nothing was ever good enough for her. I was just a slave to her and that was it!
I told him how many compliments I got on my birthday outfit a few months into dealing with him and how he didn't compliment me once. He says, in a jealous nasty tone, "I'm sure you did because that's what women look for!" as if he was disgusted! I couldnt believe it. In May, he decided to Hoover and beg me back, and I told him that it would be nice if he would tell me I look good sometimes, and instaef of just telling me I look good, he says, "You KNOW how I think about how you look because of the way I LOOK at you." He wasn't lying, he does use his eyes to talk to me, but still. . .a simple compliment: Is that difficult? I knew this was abnormal when he stopped complimenting me years ago. But then, when other men compliment me around him, he tells me that I'm "too flirtatious". 😮 I didn't even do anything! Never dealt with this in my life from a man and never will again.
I just asked my boyfriend a couple days ago if he's attracted to me because no matter what I do to look my best, he will never give me a compliment. The men who live in my highrise compliment me all the time when I am looking good going out to dinner or whatever. My boyfriend told me that he complimented his ex wife on their wedding day, but that's it. That was over 25 years ago. The marriage lasted a short time, but they remained friends. Anyway, he said that is something he just doesn't do, and his ex girlfriends never had an issue with it. They never said a word. So, basically my expectations are too high.
I have narcissistic family members/parents. None of them celebrate anything, its like they're cartoon characters. They don't seem real, yet it motivates you to flourish towards people that love and care about you. Keep being successful and don't let negativity stop you from living your best life.
My husband didn't tell me I look beautiful on our wedding day. As time went on, he NEVER had a picture made of us together to put on the wall. NOT one picture, but there were pictures of his 3 daughters and him tattooed all over the wall
And I left him anyway. I look amazing in that black dress! He would always be like oh beautiful. Like it was just nothing. So I started to be looking at myself like I'm a whole smoke show why I need this lame lackluster insecure prick to say anything good to me? I know I look good. I feel better when I don't have to beg the man I'm sleeping with the tell me I'm beautiful. And I outgrew him anyway! I asked him, don't you see how many men tried to control me and failed?! Now im no contact since his birthday and I feel better than ever.
My mom would never never never ever acknowledge anything l achieved or accomplished. She refused to attend my university graduation where l worked simultaneously night and day to pay for.
@@quietus5138 My dad was my everything; supportive and encouraging. He's the reason l ever attended college/university to begin with. He always told me he was proud of me and that l did a good job in school. Unfortunately one month before l began high school, he committed murder-suicide. I experienced / developed PTSD. My mom wouldn't provide me the professional help l needed because it made it easier for her to get a hold of the money he had left me, for they had divorced a few years before his death. I had no idea he had left me this money until l found out my accident well into my 30's just after l had graduated. Her plan was to without the money from me to prevent me from attending college/university, but l beat the odds. And because l had needlessly worked multiple jobs/graveyard, l suffered a stroke while in grad school, which has set me back significantly. She and her mom gave him the business after he left her for another woman, which was the woman he murdered before killing himself. My mom, her mom, and her family are a bunch of narcs & sociopaths/psychopaths. My father was more of a parent than my mom ever was in that he instilled healthy self esteem & self love within me before he left this world. Thank you for the kind, caring words. It isn't often that my path crosses with empathetic people.
He once told me he doesn't like when he gets compliments, and don't give compliments. BUT he wud compliment other chicks, rite in front of me!!! That hurt! I remember only 2 times he gave me kinda compliments.!!!!
Oh that is a fact I remember one day my narcissistic ex was hanging out with mutual friends and a mutual friend popped up that we haven't seen in a while and she said oh my God girl you look great he heard her say that to me and he said out loud don't tell her that it'll go right to her head
I feel ridiculous bc I am in my 50s still dealing with this..but ibwas married for a long time ans now getting in this dating world a d finding all emotionally unavailable men..narcissistic traits or toxic..ugh but I love your videos, thank you.
@@sarcasticcat4982 thank you for replying..I thought I was the only one..I am working on myself to help me recognize these men early on and to run..lol but I get excited with them..I have to fix that within myself..I wish you the best..thank you again for sharing
It seems like you reading his playbook. He is jealous af. 😂😂😂 too bad. Like i told him, I have 10 million options. And I don't have to sleep with any of them for them to help me or compliment me. I know I have been the most triggering experience of his twisted little life. And I love it here 😊
Reading the playbook? Try being an author of it! Lol😂 LEE IS A NARCISSIST!!!! Of course he's hitting ALL the nails on the head like 'whack-a-mole'😅 He might be healing but he's still who he is at his core. But seriously, I definitely appreciate his transparency though, as he's giving so much 1st hand insight.... AND I'm soooooo glad you were strong enough to LET👏🏾HIS👏🏾ASS👏🏾KNOW! #IGotOPTIONS❤💯
@10meme11 the crazy part is when you are not a narcissist and it is so foreign to you that you can't even believe someone could think like that. I actually find it reassuring and fascinating to hear the rationale. And yes, not being told you're gorgeous by someone you love gets old especially when they alternate ignoring you with accusing you. It's like bit*h pick a struggle. This is getting boring. I realized I do want a confident man, that makes me feel like a million bucks. I acknowledged it will never be him.
@latricehankerson3777 Ma'am! You keep coming through with a WORD!!! Makes me wanna shout! I'm definitely going to heed the fact that you didn't abandon YOUR needs/desires based upon his lack of inclination to provide it, rather accept it and move accordingly, to empower myself. It seems so simple, yet definitely tough. Thank you for sharing 😊
@@10meme11 of course!!!! This is narc #4 for me. I have a phD. There's something so sweet about a compliment from a man that's not followed by an insult later, even if I will never see the guy again.
I'd also like to add this because I've often wondered, since every interraction for them is competition, giving you compliments would mean that they have been defeated and you have won. They don't want that. Giving you a compliment would mean they are in a position of weakness. Absolute madness.
I learned that my mom was trying to shame me. I validate myself and I don't feel shame unless I did something to hurt someone else, which is not often. So I find great enjoyment in saying, "I love who I am! I love how confident and secure I am in myself." It's sad but fulfilling how crushed and confused she looks. She doesn't know what to do with that. She doesn't know what game to play next.
He refused to give me compliments, but wanted or expected me to compliment him daily. He wouldn't even compliment me on my birthday when I was dressed up for my birthday dinner with friends. Another friend tried to fish it out of him and he simply refused. He always said that he would give me a compliment when he felt like I deserved it.
They refused to celebrate your success or your life in any way😢 I'm surrounded by narcs I wish I could afford your classes because I need it desperately.
My mother would withold compliments and affection from us children. Now I struggle with constantly seeking validation and became a people pleaser as I became an adult. Ugh. I don't care for her approval anymore but WHEW the whirlwind of confusion and insecurity I experienced just because she compared herself to me and was jealous all along. My own mother, DAMN.
When I tell mine that I wish he would compliment me he says that I have no feelings and i made him the way he is. I dont remember it but apparently I was the one who raised him! 🙄 He always tries to convince me that i dont have feelings but flies into a rage and runs out the door when i cry or try to talk to him. All this drama because I would like a compliment every once in a while. Anything that could possibly make me feel good is non existent in this house. And I've learned to not be too happy around him because he'll bring me right back down in literally 1 second. Everything is my fault. I have so much control over this grown man that I can make him do all of these hurtful & disrespectful things but I cant make him do anything good. For me, that is. He'll go above and beyond to help a stranger but yells at me that no one is coming to save me when I tell him I need help with the kids or the house. We're stuck at home all summer because I let him use my car to get to work. Well I dont have a car anymore. He gets a truck that doesnt fit our family in it. He always gets those kind of vehicles. And somehow he was given a car by a guy he works for and he gives that car to his uncle. 😞 Sorry about the rant. I've been holding this in for far too long.
Mine would always say, "You know you look nice" Trying to get a compliment from him, like everything else, was like pulling teeth! So frustrating! I'm continuing to ask God to heal my heart and free me of this man. My last text to him was letting him know why I was so mad and angry with him. I let him know that he played games with my heart knowing that'll hurt me but I also wished him the best. Blocked🙅🏽♀️
He would get so salty when people would compliment me or when the attention wasn’t on him. It’s pathetic how insecure and jealous they are, total haters
How about this one?! My narc husband does not believe in compliments. If everything‘s fine, well and good then things are as they should be and no compliments are necessary. If things are not on the right track, not going the way he wants them to or expect them to, or if he feels that he is not in the best light, this is when the anger, negativity, attacks start. The punishment never fits the crime. He will attack my character, my upbringing, even my dead mother to criticize and complain and drive his point home, that things are not living up to his expectations. This will be so bad and so ugly 99% of the time without a compliment for anything good, ever!!!
My ex complimented everyone and everything but me. It was beyond frustrating. I told myself he must be jealous of me and that’s disturbing. Flip side he would go on social media and confess his love and admiration for me to the world but never to me behind closed doors.
The narc I was with was the King of back-handed compliments!!!! I got sooooo sick of it!!!!!!!!.....and wow, that plant analogy is spot on!!!! I've never heard anyone say that before about the relationship with a narcissist. That was good!!
My ex narc became a multi millionaire while we were together. He actually became even worse because people were more willing to put up with his poor behaviour once he had money. He dumped me out of nowhere by telling me I'm too fat, ugly, and old for him. 😂 what a miserable person. You're speaking facts!
I broke up with a narc today. Last week he had taken me to meet his family. They all approached me telling me how beautiful I was. The look on his face was a look of “why aren’t they telling him that he looks good too”. He gave me HELL after that cook out. He even whispered to me during the cook out not to eat anything because they were “acting funny” towards him. I sat there hungry and thirsty the whole time and down on myself. He is horrible man.
Any time my ex would compliment me, which wasn’t very often, he would follow up by saying “don’t let it go to your head” he always ruined the compliment by saying that, like he didn’t want me to feel good.
I can spot narcissist at my work as they are the one that has to talk on speaker phone and act like something amazing is happening, they are always looking for a compliment, they interrupt you but, act like it’s rude if you interrupt accidentally. I have learned to just toss ‘em a bone from t8me to time and keep my stuff to myself.
It's very hard to put up with total lack of validation from your own spouse! Not an easy proposition considering the fact that we always compliment them or compliment anyone for that matter
Great video ❤I didn't get compliments or negative ones...because he didn't care. I complimented my ex narc bdaddy all the time! It stopped because he didn't give it back. One time I had toothpaste in the corner of my mouth went out didn't tell me it's there until I looked in the car mirror ...so they don't look out for you. Lee you is crazy funny!😂😂😂 they do know we look nice too.! But don't say nothing.
He would compliment me in the first 3 weeks but over the next 3.5 years, never again under any circumstances. In fact if he saw me happy about an accomplishment or an outfit I felt I looked good in it actually aggravated him!
He told me that he saw an actress (who is GORGEOUS with or without makeup) in person and said that she wasn't "all that" in person and that she didn't look that good in person. When i started pulling away then he came with the "hey beautiful, sexy, amazing, etc." Once he was ready to discard me, then he told me "I looked different in person and didn't feel anything towards me"😢 I was crushed.
He confessed to me in a hoovering stage that he used to try to see the tag on my doc martens cause he wanted some. I said why didn’t you just ask me , he was like ‘… I got a LOT of pride’ … then a couple of years later got back with him and he acted like he forgot they were my thing and would always seek out women wearing them in public and compliment them
Its like they sit there in you face jumping up and down with sparklers and red flag screaming , " Im the opps!!!" , but the minute you are like "ok" they go to damned pieces. Like i hate you but you not supposed to act like i hate you. Just leave peple alone.
Once you move on and heal from wanting anything from them, anything they say is like listening to Charlie Brown's teacher. "Wah, wah, wah." Because you realize that they 1. don't mean it. 2.they are trying to get your attention. and 3. they are trying to trap you again to hurt you.
This is my dad. He always pushed me to study hard and work super hard, and when I achieved things, he never wanted to say congratulations or even tell me he's proud of me. He didn't come to my undergraduate graduation because "I didn't tell him to come". When I topped my Master's class, he was dismissive while I was crying tears of happiness. He kept saying that he couldn't because it would "get to my head". I'm so sick of constantly begging for his attention, but he's my dad and I find it super hard to stop myself.
I had a narcissist jealous of all my milestone accomplishment as a small business owner. I win a grant, he claimed he helped me. If I passed a class for a certificate, hell say dmb ish like, oh you think you better than me that you passed the test. When i dressed nice when we go out, he never compliment me. But soon as a woman hit on me at an event that he tried talking too, she said she don't do men and wanted my number....and boy he had a fit, saying she wasn't his type anyway and put her down assuming her life style aint ish. I listened then corrected him stating he's profiling a girl that has a banging body that didn't want his low self esteem ass.
In reality what you said about if you compliment us then we will leave you is the opposite. It is part of the reason that I left my ex, I lost 22kg in 2 months and she would do mental gymnastics to not compliment. She would turn the focus on her saying "well lost 1kg the other day too" (by the way you can go up and down 1kg in a day depending on when you last ate etc.) She could easily do put downs but never compliment, so it helped in my decision to leave. The hardest part was leaving our kids, but I have them every weekend now. Also she compliments anyone else as if she is the sweetest person around, when I see her do this it makes me sick as I know that it is a fake attempt at getting people to like her.
This is so pathetic my ex was just like this I’m sorry but he tore me down like hell but he just didn’t understand how I needed to grow an he’s not good for me thank you ❤
My compliments came from the narc like this... Who tried to talk to you today? How many numbers you got? Or where you went today? Who was over here? 🤦🏽♀ But never said you looking nice today...or your place looking good.
Oh and got mad every time we'd be out and other guys looking at me. Would sometimes cause a lil scene. But would look at other women around me. Lol good thing i'm confident and like women and men too 🤭. So I'd say to the narc do i act that way when you look at other females... The narc says you trying to justify the fact them being disrespectful!
Glad to see you talking about narcissist behaviour from the point of view what you do/did. I'd love to hear more of your conscience and also about its development. And yeah what you describe is indeed deep and dark and it certainly can be difficult to admit having behaved in such deep and dark ways but the good and important thing now is that you have grown out of it.
My so called best friend I’ve been knowing damn near all my life maybe since ages 4 or 5 I’m 46 now nvr really gave me compliments not that I cared because I always get compliments however I’ve always complimented her on whatever she always tried to put me down 🤣🤣 girl I get it now you jealous & envious yep she’s cut out of my life ♥️🙏🏾
That´s logical in fact. They don´t want to admit that you are a smart person and that you have very great qualities. In their minds they are Gods - and the only ONE (so to speak).
My ex would say my mom, sister or friend's were jealous of my beauty but he would never complimenf directly. Id ask him to open the door for me, hed say is your arm broken. Hed never show appreciation for all I did around the house but he vacuumed hed say I cant believe youndidnt say thank you to me this is why i dont do chores horrible people
The highest success is knowing that God is. The highest success is loving God because apart from Him, there is no success. Success can be idolatry if God is not recognized in any kind of relationship, work, church, marriage, school, or even possessions. Your message is good. God is jealous Himself, and he tells us that he is. We can't own anything apart from God, even mental and physical health. Husband's and wives must come under Devine leadership of God so that the relationship can remain strong. Without God, there's nothing, and it's sad when in marriage or any other relationship that we have to find this out. Compliments to your book for children, I'm proud of that. ❤ Blessings Multitudes. Amen and Amen
