Starting New Relationships - The R Spot Season 3 Episode 10 

Dearest Iyanla, Your video appeared on my RU-vid feed one day and that video made me step down from a ledge. After suffering from emotional abuse from someone whom I thought I couldn't live without for almost 2 years even after the break up, I was ready to throw in the towel because death was a much better solution than being in heartbreak with each waking moment. I cried listening to your videos one by one and I am here today to tell you THANK YOU for saving me. I literally reclaimed my dignity and self worth with no hate, no resentment but just my genuine best wishes for the both of them. My story is long and I can't possibly type it here but yes! I survived this seasonal relationship of 10 years together plus another two years of emotional breakdown. I went to hell (trust me) and back. Today I celebrate each day, picking up the pieces with no more hatred. Once upon a time, I prayed for an angel to come guide me and that was when I saw your video for the first time. I thought my heart was dead and frozen forever but I realized that it has got so much more to give and receive. Your videos are my encyclopedia to living life with a smile from within and a laugh just like yours. I thank God each day for you and its because of you that I too believe in Him more than ever. Thank you God for Iyanla. Thank you Iyanla for being on Earth. May you be blessed with abundance of health and laughter, and all that you desire. With Eternal Gratitude.

7:03 🤔« Don’t go along just to get along »👏👏 somebody give this sister a Nobel

I agree with everything that's being said here. It's exactly how I view things. I'm just struggling in this generation where everyone has trust issues. Everyone has a ex their not over. Everyone has options. And no one wants to put in the effort. I'm 27. People always advise me to date older but a lot of older men have multiple babies mothers. I never go and meet someone unless I've spoken to them for a while and feel comfortable enough to meet them. Because I hate wasting my damn time on a date with someone who doesn't share the same values as me. Everyone wants to rush and most of the time rush into sex. Sex is sooooo easy to find. Intimacy and love is hard now.

if you don't ask for what you need, the need gets bigger.

When they tell/show you what they want. BELIEVE THEM. Amen Iyanla. 💯💯💯

Love this queen mother since I discovered her books in High School (1996) , to the starting over house in the early 2000's, up until this very day. Iyanla is like my GOD MOTHER I ONLY KNOW BY SPIRIT. One of these days we will meet!! Ase' . Women like her, I sit at their feet , shut up and learn since I was a kid. Thank you, Queen Mother.

Where have you been in all my adulthood????😭😭😭😭 I discovered you and wont stop listening to your wise word.thank you

We must set standards and then men will either leave or respect them

I'm starting a new relationship and this is just what I needed to hear. I'm excited and my new man seems to be a wonderful person. I'm looking forward to it

I love her she's like the mentor I never had.

6yrs later its feels fresh like posted 1 minute ago...God real bless you sisterlove

I love her 😍 every single thing about her.....her looks, style, laugh, intellect, wisdom, compassion, humour, advice.....

"Don't go along, just to get along." 7:05

This was perfect for me as I've just started a new relationship

I love your laugh Iyanla! I cant help laughing along when you do lol. On a serious note this episode was very helpful to me. Instead of being frustrated or angry at how I feel treated in my relationships, I really have to look at what boundaries and talks did we setup in the beginning? What things have I let slide until it got out of hand? Time for me to reflect

I love her discussions. Thank God that I found this and Subscribed!

"I saw it on LOVE & HIP HOP " 😆 girl

A lot of time people don't take people with morals and values serious and challenge what the say and mean and if u don't stand on it they knew u were just like them

I’ve always loved what Iyanla said on Oprah about dating. “Don’t look for the feelings. Look for the experience when you are getting to know someone new.”

I love your personality Iyanla! The fun you incorporate in these sessions are inviting and engaging - thx!

This video came right on time. I never was in a real relationship. So I never knew how to get started. Thank you God for placing this on my First Lady to share with me.

The courtship is very special dating after 24 years of marriage; everyone want everything now.. you're a blessing😍

I have listened to this one video for 2months now and i listen to it EVERY SINGLE DAY

"A woman can't hear what you don't say." Oh that's good! Making assumptions ALWAYS gets me into trouble. A guy will act a certain way, but never say the words to match the actions & I end up confused. Thank you Miss Iyanla 🙂

I do not agree that one should automatically forget someone if they have problems with siblings or parents. Sometimes the problems are those other family members and not the person you are in a new relationship with. More information is needed of course, to determine where the problems really lay.

She is an amazing mentor. Good luck and blessings to everyone!

Youre soo beautiful--inside & out! Loving the new look! WOW! Gorgeous! ❤❤❤

I’m just here to listen and learn😌 How awesome is it to listen to the rules of the game from previous generations because she experienced things before the social media days when everything made sense

I don't like when you go a first date, with someone they always be expecting sex, rather before meeting you or after, and when you say after 90 days, they are never seen again. or they keep trying in hopes to get lucky before you go out a second time or if ever. How do you get them to understand you don't want the sex, until after you get to know each other?

it’s good to ask questions and getting to know the person if they are authentic.

Love your hair those colors look good on you

I love her peaceful tone. You are an amazing person

I love these segments, but I hate the theme music

Thank you!!! Wish I had known when I met my first boyfriend 45 years ago!!! I know better now!

Iyanla you don’t know how you’ve helped me heal and grow- thank u for what you do

I love this! I had to giggle with the man that wrote in and said...why women don't like when I have multiple women. Lol. I loved her answer... but wanted to crawl through the phone and strangle him lol. She's too precious

Thank you auntie. Good advice. God bless you. I just love ya.

The beginning was probably the best thing I’ve ever seen. 😊

I have and still do appreciate you and all you do for folks and your knowledge. That being said, I disagree about cutting someone off because they may not be speaking to their family. Sometimes not speaking to an abusive family after trying all other measures maybe be the best option for someone's health, healing and well being and it just might be one of the most difficult and painful decisions they ever had to make

Family history is important. If someone is at odds with multiple family members.. that's not a good sign . Especially if the other family members all get along, just not with that person . But of course there's always exceptions .. family members can be toxic and have issues

Family history was a major part of why i didnt want a relationship with theblast person i had as you say play dates with lol. Cuz i knew early from hom showing me then seeing later proof he was lying about alot. But his family had alot of stuff going on that wasnt being fixed. I think when you not begging to be with them they kind of get upset sometimes. Not that he wasnt good his age showed alot in the situation like a whining kid if he didnt get his way.

Helpful and Inspiring..Also look and pay attention to Red Flags..Anger, possessive , Money borrower,Veeery Important..Thankyou Dear..Kind Regards from Germany

Don’t be pissing in my bushes!!! Yes love you 🙏🏾💋

One thing about dating I don't like is talking about my family. Its so dysfunctional and don't think it makes me appealing to a potential partner :(

No peeing on the bushes~~ LOL~~Thank you for adding playful humor on a delicate topic!

I respect most points here but the one about family is a no no. Unfortunately you can’t choose your family and some are extremely dysfunctional and toxic so you create your own family with friends etc, basically the people who are down for you and vice versa. I think it’s incredibly unfair to judge someone on people outside of themselves who we had no freedom to choose. Unfortunately as children we have no control but as adults we get to have our say and take action and if that means removing hurt, pain and destruction then it will be done. From What Iyanla has also expressed about her own past I was quite surprised to hear this point made in this talk. I come from an abusive home and don’t wish to carry on a relationship with people whom have shown me NO respect, love or care and expect to keep them in my life and then be judged by others for not wanting them there! You know what’s best for you, don’t let anyone tell you any different. It’s your life!

11:30 you better eat that pizza and keep on moving, LOL! I love Iyanla!

Bring these back ppllleeeaaaasseee

I’ve been down the marriage road twice...two entirely different types of men. Buried the second one in 1995....the alcoholic. Everything she says amounts to a hassle I can do without. I haven’t been unhappy, lonesome or anything like that. I don’t have to make any compromises or answer to anyone but myself, which is what counts. When I want to go out, I go anytime I want to. So, like the past 23 years or so, I shall remain happily unencumbered. hehehe!!.....don’t much think any man worth his salt would agree to my house rules‼️ And, BTW, if I should get into any kind of conversation with any man.....regardless of how much I might like him, there’s no way on this earth that I’d ever reveal everything about myself. That’s a trap you don’t ever want to step into!!! You never know when a time might come...no matter how much you like him right now...that you’ll decide to throw him to the curb‼️

Thanks for the golden key prayer it is awesome and right on time!

I love you, Miss Iyanla.

I tthinkni will be ready for something new ans just wanted to watch this to get in the right mindstate and not carry over from previous relationships. Thank you for this!

HI ,i just started watching your shows on RU-vid, and i really love each of them. Your show is very inspiring

my search did not disappoint! I am so grateful for my curiosity, and your wisdom Iyania! Blessings

Why am I just finding this channel

Great Information . Got into 1 without any of these conversations . Red Flags too !

Old School Advice Thank U Keep em coming

Im workin on me now i been watchn these vids to help encourage me my husband keep cheating im tryin to be strong

My sister LQQKs Dyno-Mite !!!!!! at her age, and so much wisdom Thank you

That was very veryyyy helpful Iyanla.. thank you soooooo much!!!!! I needed. God bless! 😘❤❤❤❤

I'm re-watching these episodes in 2021. Love and gratitude for you dear Iyanla. You can't imagine how much you did helped me through my growing and evolving journey. I'm sending prayers for you. Stay well, healthy and happy. ❤❤

Thanks for your video. It made sense and this is what I do in all relationships. I wanted to know if you could speak about long distance relationships...if they're worth the time, who visits who first, etc. Thanks in advance

Hey! How do you ask nicely, "Have you been tested for STDs lately? Do you have proof of the results...like I do?" Are the results from a decade ago?

Thanks Iyanla for your inspiring, informing and grounding words. Your charisma is everything! You really helped me. Been watching some videos of yours in the last couple days. It's great seeing an individual living their passion and looking good while doing so ;) It impresses me and gives me courage to examine my life too. Much Love from Switzerland

I feel like you talk people from the ledge. Lol!. thank you!

Thank you for being a Blessing to me😍🤗

2:10 "Getting to know you" from "The Sound of Music," maybe?

Thank you Queen Mother Iyanla.❤

I admire you Iyanla......you are so wise and charismatic. And I love the message on the t-shirt too😃

Wonderful as always! Thanks again Iyanla.

to add to the question; would the man who wants more than one woman be willing for the woman to have more than him? like dating more than one man.

Love your work! Such a beautiful soul x

Bless you Iyanla, I really sent you so much love, thank you for being!

Can you please do a video for single women who have dysfunctional family and no contact to them due the abuse - you are mentioning in many videos that people who don’t have contact to their family are no go - What if we are the ones who conciously have choosen no contact with toxic family? 🙏🏻✨ Thanks

And if that guy wants to have more than one woman I would say he should be prepared for her to have more than one man. I'm sure he would find someone like that much easily...

Hi Miss Iyanla: When is a good time to talk to your partner about money, debt, credit score, and finances? Is this a discussion you should have early on as the relationship is being established?

Appreciate you and this,yep I've been questioning

Iyanla, thank you very much for your great advice. 😁

This was very helpful. Thank you 🙏🏽

Just love listening 2 u...u just capture my attention n it's even better with your kick ass sense of humor❤😆

miss iyanla this is so good! love you

In the start I'm learning all this & more! No subject of limits because if you cringe at what I say about anything (especially answers to your questions about my past) in the first conversation, there won't be a second one. I want MR. unconditional not Mr. maybe!!! If your all in, my past won't matter! City girl seen a lot, lived through a lot & not ashamed because I rose above my environment & that's the take away. Not the ugly parts...Just how beautiful it's turning out! I want a guy that see's how much more I shine because of it. If he tells me he can't hear about things like that or sorry he asked in sarcasm.... Next! Peace out boy scout!

This is the truth! I'm not currently dating but I'm definitely baring these tips in mind. This lady just speaks wisdom and has inspired my love of inspirational quotes. Love her!

Family History 🤙🤙🤙 YES. TRUTHS

Fix My Life Is Awesome T.V. Show & So Is lyanla Vanzant

Thank you very much mum. This is so helpful.

..... because people get mad at you when you turn out to be something they weren't thinking....well you didn't ask questions no convo

Thank you, very helpful

Thank you I really enjoyed your message!!!❤

Thank you Iyanla

Thanks so much

Energy is everything ☺ Thank you ♥

It's from MY FAIR LADY.

Thank you ❤️

Getting to know you! The king and I 👌🏾

You were speaking to me

They all lie......they say things they want and thinking your on the same page and they just lie.....trying to get you into bed....not me...iron baggy I am and will stay until I find that special person!

Is this the continuations of the video that cut off yesterday?

Awesome words of knowledge.

Thank you