Recovery After Long Term Relationship 

Stop being loyal to those who don't treat you well 🎯

Just seeing this ..me leaving after 26 years this was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life...the guilt and loneliness can be overwhelming....I'm crying as I type this

Coming out an eight year relationship where I thought if I just loved him hard enough he would see what a good thing he has but he continued to cheat and lie...walking away is so hard and I pray for strength every day because I deserve better.

*BIG GROUP HUG*everybody!

Get yourself out there, show up, heal, be around uplifting people. Ya’ll got this ladies and gentlemen

24 years together 22 married and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do.... Even worst when kids are involved..

Watching this to heal my broken heart 💔

It hurts me how many broken relationships, but I Am encouraged by how many strong women are here.💞 #Goddesses #LotusFlower #Survivor #SelfLove First

I was with my ex-husband for 14 years. About 3-4 years ago I started to grieve the loss of my marriage because he was literally living like he was single while I stayed home and took care of the kids. When it was time to go it was easy to walk away and I’m ready to find love again.

7 years and was engaged, its nearly been 2 and I still struggle some days but it does get better. I credit God for bringing me through the most painful thing I have endured so far in my short life. Don't be bitter...you didn't lose. God has you..just learn from what you can and move on.

I never thght I could leave a 20something year relationship. For 10 of those years I put myself through hell knowing and still forcing a dead situation. It took another heartbreak from someone else for me to finally say ENOUGH ! I was led to church bc I felt I lost myself and taking in the word made me feel whole. Before I left him I made peace with myself and forgave him so that I can move on. 1 year now in my single season and I'm so grateful I didnt jump into another failing relationship. I've never been single since the age of 15, I'm abt to be 40 and I still havent heard a man say he loves me and i knew and felt that he did. I've been going half all my life and now I'm so selfish with myself. I've listened to motivational speakers and read self help books and it helps. Finding your purpose and knowing you are here for a bigger purpose than to please man is essential. I pray everyone in these comments hutting and looking for closure finds the peace. Go back to a time you thght u would never make it and remind yourself how u did and how you are still here, NOTHING CAN STOP YOU BUT YOU ❤🙌🏾

So encouraging. I've been in 7 years relationship but he ended it. He said he's not happy anymore. Its like im dying everyday but I have to face the reality. Thank God for giving me strength and wisdom everhday.

Who is here in 2021💔🥲 acceptance is the hardest part for me at this moment!

GODS TIMING THE BEST TIMING! After 23 years in a relationship and 22 years marriage it’s TIME to come out of that HORRIBLE PIT OF A UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!

OMG my sincere condolences to you Iyanla. I have been listening to inspirational and motivational speeches on RU-vid for the last week. I am 5 months out of a 8 year relationship 2 years of marriage. I was in the line at the bank waiting and decided to go on RU-vid and find something to listen to and came across this episode. I was listening when l heard you mentioned you lost your daughter, so l immediately went to google it. My heart sank and l literally felt pain. In 1999 you was on Oprah's Show and introduced your children and l was in the hospital and had just gave birth to my daughter and was watching the show. I was told by my doctor l was gonna have a boy, so when it turned out to be a girl l did not have a name for her picked out. So when you said your daughter's name l said that's a beautiful name that's what l am gonna name my daughter. I wasn't aware of how her name was spelt so l spelt her name Jahmea. It wasn't until l read one of your books l saw it was spelt Gemmia. My Jahmea was 3 yrs old when your Gem 💎 passed on. I am soooo sorry for your lost. I hope this brings some comfort and a smile to your face knowing that her name lives on in another young lady that is beautiful and sweet as your Gem 💎. When l found out how your daughter's name was spelt l was sorry l didn't find out before l left the hospital because l liked what the Gem 💎 signified. My Jahmea is now 18yrs old 6 ft tall and a freshman at UCLA. She is a water polo goalie for UCLA women's water polo team.

I just recovered from my 6 years on & off toxic relationship in last July. I dumped him bc I couldn't do this anymore. Tired of lies, cheating, & manipulated. Now I'm with a man who treats me better & made me feel like a real queen. I really do love him. Thank you Ms. Vazant for stressing not to find my ex on Facebook. I did block him, but when I unblocked him I was curious to see his situation. It did hurt & I was very stupid for seeing that. Thank u & I would never ever do that again. Many blessings & love for u mama!😙😙😙

After 21 yrs, I find myself starting over from something I thought would be forever. One day I am great and the next day I'm crying and I have to start getting better all over again. I have accepted but I feel he ruined something beautiful and that is what I am still grieving.

Thank you for clarifying the difference between grief and mourning. It was eye-opening!

Thanks! I just got away from an abusive (nightmarish) “Covert Narcissist” after 32 years of being stuck in a trauma bond. She is a master manipulator in every respect. She also masterfully used gaslighting, silent treatment, triangulation, smear campaigns, flying monkeys and more on a routine basis to keep me under her control. I almost went crazy and came close to ending up in a psychiatric ward towards the end of our relationship a year and half ago. I found out later she was intentionally seeking to put me in one...who does this kind of diabolical stuff? (She told me this in a text message. She had paperwork prepared and so on. Ouuuch!!!! I’m a stable, level-headed, intelligent, caring type of man, father, husband and person...wow!!! She knew this, and yet...the madness of being in an Alice In Wonderland Nightmare for 32 years. I wonder, if I will ever recover from the experience of being with such a woman? 🥴.) When I met her 32 years ago, the above descriptors were unknowns. I’m finally free now, and on the road recovery finally. One thing...as honorable man who was loyal and dedicated to the wrong woman for 32 years....”What the heck do I know about being single and being by myself?!!!!...🥴🤪😂 I guess I’m going to find out.🤔

Thank you for this. The right steps get blurred at times. I left a 7 yr, stale relationship and have decided to never stay in anything that doesn’t nurture me. I feel my life coming back daily and although some days are hard, I’m alive and well.

Mama Iyanla, this message was so very much needed today! I am one month out of a 6 year relationship that I just knew would last forever. I ended it but have had such trouble sleeping and adjusting to life without him. This morning I prayed for help, for a word from someone who could help me understand what I'm feeling and the process it takes. I guess I just felt like if I didn't think about the break up then I was no longer hurting from it. But the truth is, I just haven't talked about it because when I do, I cry. So thank you for making this video. Lord truly knows I needed it. I appreciate you. Many thanks and Hugs your way!! :*

7yrs.. 2 of those yrs for healing & rediscovering, it gets easier & easier.

I stumble upon this video on my timeline,it's as if God answered my prayers. The words spoken are everything I needed to hear.I thank you so very much.

I just had to leave my marriage of 10 years back in Dec. of last year, In order to gain my sanity!

This is great advice. Divorced after 22 years was difficult and although sad it’s the best decision I made for my health. I started exercising and have lost 90lbs and going strong. I have done all of the things Iyanla mentions in this video and more. Life goes on. We don’t die from love or divorce. We move on in grace. It’s hard work and worth it.

Its been 4 days since my 11yr relationship ended. Just so hurt. Know it was coming and for the best but it doesnt make it any easier. Thank you Iyanla.

So timely , ending a 27 year marriage. So sad

This is my heart ache, my struggle, my devastation. I can't even breathe and I spend all my time making sure i dont feel anything for fear i won't ever be ok again. Happy? The concept makes my head spin. Then I'm guilty because so many people have been through so much harder than me. It's a bad cycle. Thank you for planting the seeds that might help me change direction. As crazy as it is, i truly love you iyanla. You've gotten me through my darkest days with just a sentence or two sometimes. Thank you for all the time and effort you put into helping strangers, like me, who need your words and wisdom! I cant imagine where I'd be without you!

just released a 16yr marriage! I did get closure and attonement as well as forgive for myself and him. I chose to leave. I loved him "us" to leave so we can make space for what we need down the road in a mate. I wanted a more spiritual connection we didn't have. I became thirsty for a deeper kind of love I couldn't find or develope in us. I was doing all the work and he was resisting. So, I let him be him and moved on! I feel so much lighter already! My spirit was so ready to move on that I was excited to get out!

is it my eyes decieving me or is it tru Iyanla keeps turning back the clock on age 5 more yrs back EVERYTIME i see one of her new vdos. looking younger and younger everytime lol beautiful! 😘😘😘😘 🤗

That is so true! The arts have greatly contributed to my healing. I have lost weight, a new hairstyle, and have absorbed myself in the arts. Concerts, museums, and all other sorts of things. I have met new people and done a lot of things. The next step is the updating of my home. New bedding, pictures are about to be hung, and some new furniture are coming my way too! Thank you, Iyanla. I appreciate you! Be blessed, Sis! :-)

He left without trying to talk about our ugly fight. He walked away. Literally packed up His things , blocked my phone number, and found a place to drink again at a hotel ( he had a 2 month clean streak) and was so sad that happened . I wish we could talk about what happened but I know it’s best that I don’t contact him anymore . Love is letting go. Iyanla, thank you for your wisdom and love.

After 15 years and still no marriage I quit. Not building a financial nest egg I am through waiting on him. It is my time to make the move to leave the relationship hopefully on good terms. This is living today one day at a time for me. Happy New Year

Your voice alone gives me calmness and peace. It must be great to have an aunt like you

After my 10year relationship I had to let go for better& I thank God for giving me strength and each step I take daily makes the healing process much better& Stronger.. 🙏🙏Thank you for this Video💕& Sharing your daughter story about broccoli....🙏🙏❤

I can literally feel my heart tearing apart. So painful and overwhelming💔💔💔hope every broken heart will be healed

This is perfect! My 10 year marriage ended in 2012. I decided to ended. We've been physically apart since 2016. It wasn't until then I realized I was still hurting from everything. We have children too so I have to communicate with him. Im reliving the pain from my marriage over and over. It feels like I'm being stabbed over and over. It wasn't until about 2 weeks ago that I made a conscious decision that I wanted to heal! I'm so thankful for Iyanla's advice! I'm working on forgiving my ex and myself!

Miss Iyanyla, you never cease to amaze me with your wisdom and advice. You are a blessing from God to all of us, thank you for the R spot.

Just got out from 8 yrs relationship and glad i found this video.Thank u, u been very helpful...

You really give people a better understanding of relationships thank you

I needed this so much today. Just had a 7 year relationship end. Thank you!

Acceptance was the hardest part for me... with time and my wilderness I found a true meaning of life 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🎤🎤🎤🥰🌈🌈🌈❤️🎤

Iyanla, you spoke to my spirit today. My husband of 30+ years died in 2016 and I've been feeling like I just want to just drop everything and start somewhere altogether new, but then I start thinking about my age, and leaving the home we shared for over 20 years. It's just that it seems like there's always something to remind me of him here and I should take that leap of faith. Also, thank you for the "hallelujah truth"! God bless you.

Thank you I needed that after a three year relationship.

After my grandmother passed in front of me...my guy of 8 years held me down...then he dropped dead the following month. It's been 6 months now and I feel like an empty shell that's just existing. But when I do have a good moment, I try to hold onto it and let it build me up for when it's bad. It's so hard.

Out of a 3 Yr relationship. Getting off social media. Ty.

For me is excercise like there is no tomorrow

You are sooo strong! You didn't shed a tear...I want to be strong like you...one day.

Thank you. My ex walked out on me suddenly after 30 years together. In the blink of an eye he was living the 'perfect' (his words) life with somebody else. The pain has almost killed me, twice. Your words have helped so thank you. Also, loving condolences to you on the loss of your daughter. I have been through a lot but I cannot imagine your pain on such a deep and sad level. Love and best wishes to you and thank you again. XXXX

Iyana, you have such a soothing voice and your words are so wise. I am 9 months out of an 18 year marriage, luckily I am almost out the other side of the bad times, this certainly helps. There are not many videos that deal with ending a long term relationship. This was so helpful.

I been in a 6 1/2 years relationship with 2 kids involved.. I left because of he was living life like he was single ..and wanted to talk to other females especially his exes ..I was hurt I gave him 2 chances n I don't wanna go bak I cry n cry and it's been 2 months now ...and I'm still crying kuz he moved on like it was nothing made me question did he eva loved me ...Lord please give me strength I still need help till today..I'm crying out for help to move on...

This video post was very helpful. I offer my sincere condolences on the loss of your daughter. I also lost my son in 2013 and ended my marriage two months later. I considered it a double death. Recovery hasn't been easy but I am in a much better place today. Thank you for this video mama Iyanla.

I'm leaving a relationship with someone who I was married to and dated. It lasted 16 years! They were a sociopath. I lost everything material and spiritually. The scars left damaged not only me, but my children. When I have a good day, without grievance, I have nightmares! I'm limited about what I can do to distract me. I have good moments and bad moments.

i was broken up with after a year in my first serious relationship Not going to lye its been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through .

Its been a few days since my break up with my ex. The pain has been the hardest. This video has put me on the path of healing. Thank you

I am struggling so much...I just want to be back with this person and feel they have moved on... I can't stop crying I can't listen to music, I hate being alone cause it worse.

Thank you thank you !!! 🙏🏼🌹 Needed to hear this to help my recovery and healing after a 5 year breakup sending you love !! ❌⭕️😘

I needed this, I got a migraine w all this emotions.

Its been 18 years of on and off with long term relationship. And today I talked and it was the ending. We have a 6 year old daughter and well I'm 4 months pregnant. So you can imagine the emotional wreck that I am. However I'm very strong woman and i know that with God by my side i will heal. And thank you Iyanla. Blessed.

Thirty five years married and 37 together. He says “I don’t want It.” Ok I saw it coming, but I was loyal to my vows. The thing about it, is, I had heard those words 21 years before and I let him come back. He was a nice guy, but not exactly the most exciting relationship. I was pretty lonely. So I can accept that he wants to go. In fact, I can help him because I am ready for something new. I am letting go, but it still isn’t easy. It’s best however, for my personal happiness now. I think it went too long! I think I can honestly say it’s ok. So here I go! What’s next?

*Listening to you is like listening to your favourite aunty. Thank you so much for this Iyanla.💜❤*

Looking beautiful Iyanla!!!❤️❤️❤️

She looks so pretty , her whole look is spot on. I love her advice and I love her transparencies. This definitely is needed because moving on is so tough the longer you are in the relationship seemingly...don't know the actual outcome in God's hands.

I came upon this video this morning right when it was needed in my life. Thank you so much Queen, I lost my king my soulmate my best friend of 21 years in 2017 and soon after my home to Hurricane Harvey. It's been a very rough 2 almost 3 years. I feel uplifted too keep moving forward and let go of the guilt of not being able to save him and realize it was a natural cause and time for his transition. I just want to say thank you for your words and accepting the energy and blessings from the ancestors that you passed on to us. Peace and blessings. Ase'

I am learning to walking in my truth after 30 years thank you.

My bf ended 6 year relationship with me after him moving back to his hometown for a new job. I was supposed to move in with him this June. I turned in resignation at work and was getting ready for move but he dumped me the day before my b-day, which is also June. No explanation, face to face talk, text nor email. 4 months after, I found the pic of him and a new girl on social media. Finding this picture is my kinda of closure because he was too coward to tell me he wanna end our relationship. What makes this break up even harder is my sister passed away recently because of cancer. I’ve been hurt and heartbroken from break up and loss of my sister but I believe I will get healed soon.

It's so hard after 16 yrs....n to find out I was jus being used

P.s. my piggy bank has been working for a long time to get to one of your Wonder Woman weekends from idaho. I know I will get there eventually so please don't quit doing them! Connecting with others like myself, who have an overwhelming desire to do the work but can't seem to get on your show (hahaha)...i mean who just get repeatedly stuck despite exhausting ourselves in every attempt to get better, is something I know will happen for me eventually and that I look forward to already. I've looked at the website many times and I was not aware of a payment plan option so I just got incredibly excited! You are such a lovely and loving woman. For someone who has made so many mistakes, I think I've always known that there was a meaningful and purposeful life I was meant to live. And I've just done everything to hold myself back from that. Your principles speak to my heart and my soul and I can't wait to meet other wonderful Wonder Women on similar Journeys someday.

This is truly the one of the best videos on RU-vid!! Thank you so much for this! God Bless.

Awww.. about broccoli emotional story

I love and appreciate your help to me and humanity dear Iyanla and love sharing your work. Thank you to your team also

This is my 1st video omg I love you and how straight you talk, my bf kept breaking up with me after minor fights making me insecure and he never would talk accountability your video has helped thank you I'm now a subscriber

i need to learn how to let go of a toxic relationship that am in

Thank you miss Iyanla for sharing this precious information. I was here laying in my bed crying because the holidays are coming and I began to miss my ex constantly. So I came on RU-vid and typed how to get over a relationship and your video was the first video came up. Thank you for sharing I really needed this.

Hello. Thank you this - it felt like an in-depth, intimate, friendly therapy session and you explained everything with examples and in detail... Just what I needed. I'll definitely be back. I got broken up with 3 months ago; over 6 years of relationship, i loved her very much, always went out of my skin to make everything better & i'm feeling very lonely, wasted and used. This video gives me some basis to try not to reach out anymore and be good to myself. Thank you. Please let me imagine getting a big comforting hug from you. Love, Kate.

I'm watching this and crying.. Thank you for being here for us lyanla

It's almost 3 months since my break up and for some reason I'm still going strong. Maybe I'm one of those strong black women or just got tired of being treated like dirt by my husband. Thank u for more inspiration Lyanla

I am coming out of a 17 year relashionship. Not by choice, i still love the man. But he has a drug addiction and we have kids. I HAD to leave. I guess now that i look at it. I choose to leave to give my kids a better life. It was a very dysfunctional relationship. I'd stayed longer than what I had to. I really appreciate all the in side you gave me.... I know I have to heal not only for me but for my kids.

Thankyouuuuuuuuu currently pacing the floor to keep tears back. My first boyfriend broke my heart at 18 I promised myself I wouldn't let my heart get broke again @21 I met my now ex we moved out of state together and he was my first longterm relationship and my only friend 2.7 years later after verbally & physically fighting for the last time. I'm homeless and I'm heartbroken bless u . I hope I can continue to grow into a strong woman

OMG.. I keep watching this over and over bc that’s exactly what I needed to hear… THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

God always send a message through this beautiful lady at the right time in my life! I am so grateful! 🙌🏼😘

Iyanla has a great stylist! Always looks so well put together and wonderful colors. Her message is always the BEST and just what's needed.

Wow your amazing 😉 I been in a 7 year relationship, & your making me feel better already

Getting out of a 5 year relationship where we broke up actually, like five months ago. But we’ve still been seeing each other and talking almost every day and it’s just this wishy-washy sort of separation. I’m finding that it hurts so much more than just being completely separate because when he leaves it’s like my whole world crashes down all over again. Today I made the decision to finally MoveOn no matter how painful, no matter the guilt that I feel for trying to move on from the man I promised I loved the day I die… I haven’t felt this type of pain since my mom’s suicide

Timing is everything ❤️

Last week I was the one who got left. After 9.5 years. I had to accept. I am still struggling so much with all the emotions and moving on. You're video was a blessing and it gives me hope and strength I so need right now. Thank you, thank you so much for this

After 20 years together since I was 15yrs and him 18yrs old, he left me. Dumped me through txt msg, moved out and refused any communication. I was always loyal! I done everything for him! I don’t even know who I am! I begged him to come back, then I realised how much self respect I have lost... I needed to let him go and can’t force him to stay in my life! I’m going through the acceptance stage right now... I want to live and be independent...

Thank you so much, this really hit the spot after working on my own recovery from losing a 20 year marriage.

Hello there from Sweden! I'm so happy so find your channel. Helped me a lot, and it still does. Thank you. I wish you all the luck, many warm greetings from Stockholm.

My father passed away suddenly in 2015 a few days after my birthday. I moved into his house and tried to hold on to everything of his and had no room for my things. Slowly I came to realize I can't "hold on" to everything..it is so hard because I felt like I would forget him as crazy as that sounds. He was my best friend...my confidant. I'm still grieving but now I can remember all of the good things about him.

Lyanla, thank you so much for your optimism about life. Thank you, for the words of wisdom and encouragement. God bless you, your daughter is now in a better place. My ex asked me last week for space (unexpectedly) after 5.5 yrs of relationship. We've done this before (space). I can't keep going back to the relationship whenever she feels ready. She's a widow with two kids. I helped her so much, and at the end I realized I'm NOT the problem. I know now co-habitated with a narcissist. It hurts, but I can't do this anymore. It's my fault for not recognizing the signs this woman needs major therapy. I pray to God, I'll be strong and move on. I need to heal. Take care everyone.

i went threw a 26 year relationship with 5 kids and i promise you this made so much sense to me.....to hear it this way. i thought it was over for me..i went from a size 16 to a 5.....i really didnt wanna be here anymore. i had to do it for me ....thank you for this ..after loosing my dad....granddaddy....i never had a chance to have my grandfather walk me down the aisle.....nor my dad...waiting for this man to feel being a family ..time played me and i played myself....he is with the same person he cheated on me with for 26 years as we speak.....its only been 3 years since i told him give me your last name or let me go.....he left..but kept coming back forcing hiself on me...until i stood up for myself...even now its really hard ..i know im not gonna fix 26 years in 3 years but im working on it.

I really wished someone created a support group in each state for women. A group where we had monthly dates, yearly retreats, etc. Just a safe space to talk, love on, reintroduce ourselves, heal, or just be each other’s accountability partners.

Thank you I need to here this because I just decided to leave my 10 year old relationship. Thank you .

Love this lady she so real...

There's a lot of videos that give advice on how to recover from broken relationships but you never really see any speak on those relationships that remains but not because you want it to but because it has to. For example those who have children, people mention that it's harder to break it off with the other parent but never really give advice or steps on how to move on without necessarily cutting them off because you can't really cut off an active parent for the sake of the child. Where's the advice for those who have kids?

Im about to end my 10 years relationship im 22 now Its really hard we grow up together he was my soul my best-friend my everything i went through a lot but i cant be in it anymore i dont feel being appreciated he is really okey with the break up he is not even sad living his life to the fullest better than before, im the one who is left broken

After a 7years relationship,I have been struggling with how to handle myself. I would block and unblock him, sending him messages of how hurt I was hoping that he would see them and reply but sadly It didn't happened. Today I feel better listening to this. I hope to heal completely and be able to love again......

I love Iyanyla so much! Listening to her videos have helped me beyond measure. My son was killed 8 months ago. My family is devastated to say the least. As a mother, I cannot begin to tell you the pain my heart feels. My entire body hurts. I wanted to begin to heal, because I know my son, would want me too. I began listening to Iyanla videos, and I am on the path to healing. On the days that I feel sad, and feel that I cant move on, I pray and then I listen to one of her videos. Thank you God for you Iyanla. Your work through her is truly healing one person at a time!

Oh how I needed to hear this Auntie Iyanla!!Thank you so much!! Love this beautiful insightful woman!!❤️❤️