Thank you Iyanla x I grew up with absent parents, moving from foster home to sleeping on friends sofas. I am now a university graduate with a career I love ... but still, I have a lot of anchors that need freeing and many bridges that need crossing (not burning)..... I thought I knew myself, until I saw your videos and was able to pick up on key points which I could relate to that can take me away from the false image that I carry around of myself in my mind.... I am ready to start this journey at 25..... You have freed me a little of the self doubt and self hatred I have.... rather to accept it and explore it ..... I owe you my gratitude x
Miss Khan Awwwwww all things are possible with God. Know your self worth don't try to please people to be accepted and in the end you might end up neglecting yourself. Keep good dear
I am a foster parent my daughter, she came into my life at 9. She was severely abused in every way possible in her younger life. When I expressed a desire to adopt her she refused saying that she wanted a family with a mom and a dad. At the time I was unmarried so I did not proceed. She was later adopted by a white family (that detail is important later). She went off to her new life to live happily ever after. Well it was just more of the same she was sexually abused by the "father" emotionally, & verbally abused by the "mother" and took on the role of and indentured servent. Finally at 13 she reported what was going on and the police called me. I asked if she could come back to my home. She lived here until she graduated from high school. There were then and now MANY problems I took her to thereopy but once grown she wouldn't go. Now she is 26 and a mess. My question to you is how do you handle the aftermath of foster care, and all that comes with it? How can I help her?
I'm confused 😐 every relationship I enter is toxic! They all have addictions with alcohol. I don't even drink . They can't handle their business from money to jobs etc.. I stand on my own. Now I've become bitter and guarded and trust No one. No what? What does that say about me? So I have closed off completely. HELP!!!
You may not be the alcoholic but you accept people who don't compliment you. I hope you don't mind my 2cents. Its not what they do its what they give and what you accept.
Jennifer Bergman Absolutely is what you allow . Example if You allow them to hit you and stay in the situation getting abuse all the time is what you allow and that is not loving your self . A little advice court before you have sex next it depends on way you meet them if you meet a guy in the club it means something as well. Thirdly Ask questions . Hope this helps let me know in future dear
At 1:12, I know this episode will be one I will probably download on my phone. I am aware, the connection people have with others, is a reflection of how they feel about themselves or how they view themselves. One's perception of life is a reflection of how she/he perceives themselves in this/their life.. based on past/childhood experiences, relationships & her/his self-esteem. I may be able to give myself a "self-evaluation/analysis but, nonetheless, I am still affected/effected by my decisions. My decisions are made with the basis of my principles & my personality traits-- which are vehicles to how I generate expectations of others, my family, friends (new/old), acquaintances, classmates, co-workers etc. Mmmphh!
My husband after 13 years said he doesn't want to be in our marriage anymore.... I thought we were ok until he said he feels there's no connection any more. I have been very patient with he's bad temper and talking down at me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to end it cause for 10 our marriage had been good. The last three he has changed but I wasn't going to leave him. I know he's is very tired, over worked and stressed at work so I didn't take it personally... now he's the one who says he's lost the connection.... I'm so confused. What do I do now. He's my best friend... I have no one else
As women sometimes we neglect ourselves trying to ensure those around us are loved. then we blame those for not returning the same love back to us. What I have realised about myself from this powerful video was that I was the one not returning the love back to myself, I was my first neglector.
Yes ,very true. We expect from people what we actually need from ourselves.That what makes us a needy persons 😕I’ll have a pen and a paper and start to write down 😋👍🏻
I wish you lots and lots of love! I hope you see miracles happen to you and may you receive opportunities that helps you become the best, I mean the best version of yourself! ♥️♥️😄 Wishing you a very very very good day Organic Locs
Amalia A Its makes you feel miserable when you neglect yourself for others who don't know how to treat you right. It's very important to know yourself worth .
I understand what she's saying. She's talking about the relationships we have with ourselves. And learning who "we" are. The relationships we involve ourselves in Is a reflection of the relationship we're having with ourselves. But she also mentions how people are trained to treat you based on how you treat yourself. Listen to the video at 11:42. Have a peaceful day!
F. L. Taylor I heard her saying that we all have a dark side that we don't want others to see- and when we see characteristics of this dark side in others, we deal with them in judgmental and spiteful manner. This is light being shed on our dark side. Then she gave her solution to how to accept this in others by embracing ourselves without judgement and not being critical. I think that's the part at 11:42 where she put it all in one phrase, but without listening to the whole video, that phrase can be taken many different ways. I was wrong for denying your experience and what you heard. I still have to work on me more.
Just seeing this comment 5 years later. I hope you found yourself, found your worth, and if you didn't shed that weight, I hope you found a way to accept and love yourself the way you are! All my love to you!
Shining the light on our shadow...Whew! Every Relationship that you've had in your life is a reflection of the relationship that you have with yourself! Preach Iyanla!
I was connecting with men who show up, start off so well, and then become inconsistent. My aha was that I never show up for myself 100% consistently. For my kids, yes, my job, friends, clients yes. But I rarely finish up little things I state just for me....Eshe kpupo, Iya mi.
Ai Sam OMG yes! After I watching the video and reading your comment that’s my truth too. I’ve been trying to figure out why guys always seem wonderful from the start and then transform into the opposite of what you want. And now your needs aren’t being met. I got a lot to talk about with myself tonight 😩
Me too.... womp womp.... they can sometimes be wimp wimpers.... instead of women whisperers..... well, I mean.... AND FOLLOW THROUGH, WITH CONSISTENT NATURE rather than the "show her off" or not NATURE, baby backlash over Kanye West n I.... take a cold shower, apologize to ur mom's n send a great day message or flowers, to your wives n not just ur girlfriends.... I have experienced some trauma, HAhaha..... NOT SORRY LONG WINDED N WINDING UP to concur with my future Clients!!! God bless you
Powerful! What's amazing is that many people don't realize these points until much later in life, after experiencing hurt after hurt. I'm so glad I have and am learning this earlier on in life.
All this time I've been robing myself from getting to know me but giving all I thought was me to others. It's so unfortunate because now I am in the biggest hurricane of my life. I'm ready to meet me... ☺
Thats awesome Iyanla. Perhaps the best way to bring the right person into my life is to really know myself and love myself (not judge). Thank you Iyanla. xx
Iya, I wish you were my godmother, I know I would truly heal the wounds I still fight. I constantly do self reflection and I'm hard on myself. "Do I love myself?" I try everyday and it's a struggle.
I'm on a full journey to finding the relationship I'm having with myself...I'm learning to love me more each second...minute...hour...etc...I needed to hear this...Namaste...Blessings...
Always can count on you to keep me grounded. Only person I've ever idolized. You've helped me through some pretty rough times! Your wisdom is greatly appreciated!
oh lord ! am gettin' chillzzzz, thank u for sharing this Dear Iyanla, i am honoured to confess that i am having a good and beautiful relatinship with me , it s been a long road, but i feel the connection...
I have heard the saying that "I attract who I am" or they might say "who is attracted to you has something to do with the energy your putting out". I still dont understand that. Its not making sense to me. For example: why dont I attract more men who are indepedent or are exposed to a higher level of education as I? why do the men who wants mommies approach me. I mean the types that see me as the answer to all their issues. where are the men who want a team mate in life. The ones who know their role and are looking for a woman who knows her role. jeez...anybody gets me?
'You attract what you are' is too simply said for what it really means. You are attracting what you are in the sense that you said you are independent and highly educated. So you attracting men that will feed off your independence and your education gives you something over them. So in essence what's in them is attracted to what's in you. Consider this, are you willing to be vulnerable? Are you willing to share your life with someone? Are your emotionally cold? Do you see your education as putting you in a higher level then others? Do you feel it puts you in an authority position. People will always be attracted to something in you that matches something in you. They can be similar or opposites. Look at it as their dependable part could match a dependable part in you, or the part in you that is not willing to be vulnerable attracts there dependable part. Either way it tells you what your energy is giving.
C. Sergeant I don't know if you have tried already, but joining a professional business club, or basically places or events that have people with your interests. You may even have to pay to attend a leadership conference, or a professional seminar. Just broaden your social circle.
One way I've heard this put is that you attract in others what you EXPECT others to be. You obviously expect men to want a mama, etc (from what you wrote). Your belief system is now that that's all you ever attract. You might try working on believing that you CAN and DO attract the kind of men you want. Once you change your belief (subconsciously) that you attract the guys you like/want, they will have to appear. By the way, the concept of 'attracting who I am" confused me for a long time until I heard this way of looking at it. Basically it all comes down to belief. Hope this helps! :)
You have answered a life long question. People for years have said love yourself without definition or explanation or instruction. I m an empty nester in a resting phase with a lot of time on my hands. I know I need to work on myself but I didn't know how until now. I have my homework. I will do my work. THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH.
Natalya Kuzminova I think sometimes we are so loyal and faithful to others that we put others before ourselves . Be loyal and faithful to yourself first .
Are you loyal to your own principles and pursuit of happiness though? Do you show up for yourself? Do you love you, do you honor you, do you trust you? - repeating notes I took from the video. More power to you 🔥❤️
THIS!!!! Spoke to me on so many levels. Almost everything she addressed, I was having issues with from my lack of belief in myself to berating myself for not being further in life financially, emotionally, mentally than I am. I am so OK with it now for I know that things are moving as I have been on this personal growth journey. Baby steps girlfriend. I'm still making moves. Thanks so much Iyanla!!!
Iyanla’s explanation of how people mirror us is the best that I have ever heard. I think it might have sunk in this time! Thank you Iyanla for sharing your wisdom, and the comments are very helpful, too.
My mom used to ALWAYS say people treat you the way you allow them! I could NEVER understand that when I was in my twenties. Well...fast forward to my late 40s!!! BOY Do I understand that now!!! Self love helps you to see yourself the way God Almighty sees you! When you see yourself through HIS eyes...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! And will not accept anything less than. ❤️
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IYANLA, and I thank you so much for this video, with Tears in my eyes after watching this powerful message, beyond a doubt in my mind, God has chosen you as the perfect instrument to relay such great words of Wisdom to the world. I'm so grateful to listen to you every day here on RU-vid, as This is truly my season of growth. I know that I have displayed behavior of 'I really don't know myself,' and I have accepted a lot of BS for the past 20 years, because I was never taught certain things. Over the past year, some of my male friends in my life have been quite Accurate in showing me Who I am... and it Hurts, and I cry.... but I'm okay and I'm open to it, because I know I must change my perspective and outlook of life “This is right on Time for me" and I must do my work (Tonight) Thank you again
God bless you! This was one of the first episodes that i watched since subscribing to your channel. I'm so glad I did because I so needed to hear this message today. You were definitely speaking to me today, and i took everything in. I felt it in my heart, mind, and soul. You are so blessed, we need beautiful strong black women like you around to help encourage us when we're down. I thank you so much, and you now have a faithful listener.
She means that our fellow human beings reflect our flaws, imperfections or adversity and it annoys us. Yes, I've known that for long. All the same, thank you so much for being such a helper. You are building me up a lot.
This is starting to make sense. I’m severely socially anxious and socially awkward, I think I have undiagnosed autism. I was just feeling a bit down that my boss at work didn’t wave back at me outside of the workplace although my other coworker did. Although I’m not close to my boss, I realised that I was hurt because I’m not the typical man who fits in with most men and I have felt shame about that. So I like some approval from other men I guess. I attract a weird look from another colleague. This made me uncomfortable until recently. It made me uncomfortable because I see being weird as wrong but it isn’t. If I’m offended by someone it’s because I’m not happy with where I am as well. Imagine if you are happy enough with yourself, it becomes really hard for others to change how you feel. It’s like with music I’m confident enough with my taste that I don’t mind too much if someone didn’t like it or had criticisms.
Who am I? I am a child of the most high God, Jesus Christ! He answers all of these questions for me...who I am, who I belong to, why I am here. I'm so glad I know the one true answer and that is in Jesus! There is no true love or peace without Him!
You are my fairy godmother and helping me through a tough time of finding myself again after years of moulding myself to other people. In reality as you’ve said people are a reflection of you and how you see yourself. I need to remind me that I am the prize and I am worth of prosperity and happiness. Thank you so much for yiur beautiful insights.
Thank you Iyanla . My question is this. I have been asking the question "who am I?" for a while now , how do I answer that question?. I have come to recognize that I am not my past nor am I my parents' past or beliefs. I have a lot fear. I fear that I am unlovable and that others will see that. I have a history of men who cheat on me. I want to love myself but don't how. I understand the law intellectually but cant seem to get it to my heart. I have tried therapy and meditation but I haven't reached my destination(self- love and self-acceptance). How do I get there? Please help?
Wow... I guess this is what Paul felt like once he wasn't Saul anymore. Thank you. I had a serious epiphany at 7:22 - 7:52. I really appreciate this at age 19. You got yourself a new subscriber. God bless. Thank you so much.
Wow.... so deep and real. I did things in my past I am not proud of and for a long while I allowed those things to identify who I was. It took understanding how God sees me and how He loves me regardless of my ugliness to be able to learn to love myself too. I’m still not proud of those things but when my mind goes there I reroute it to all the things I’ve learned from those times and how they are helping me be a better me today. And the interesting thing is I can and have helped people learn to love themselves and others too. Jesus gave himself for me so that I don’t have to live in a place of self loathing, He forgave me so how can I not forgive myself, and how can I not forgive others as well? God bless you! Oh and I love the T-shirt’s you wear. 💃🏻
I can get enough of her wisdom she truly makes me reflect about my relationship that i have for my self wish is pretty bad but i will work on that to make it better
Light bulb moment for me. When I always put others first ofcourse they will always put me second! That is what I have taught them (people pleasing). Up until this moment I was seeking external acceptance because I didn't realise I needed to accept myself for who I am instead I did what most of us do, I searched for it outside of me. No wonder I never got it :) it's not for anyone else to give me. Thank you for these lovely chats Iyanla 🥰 love and light 🌹
I often tell myself if I didn't had my son at an early age, I would've had my degree and I would've been in the career that I've set out to be in. This message opened my eyes. Thank you, these are more than words of inspiration it's like a blessing to hear them.
Thank you Ayanla! There are parts of myself that I struggle w/ accepting, I even pretend they don't exist. But then I get frustrated when I meet people who express those sides of me that I refuse to express, b/c deep down, a part of me is jealous. A part of me would also like to do those things, but I don't b/c I try to be more responsible. I now know that their role in my life was simply to get me to love all of myself. Thank you!!!
Low self esteem....yes Shame of my appearance....yes Don't know who i am...yes Attract low men.....yes Yet i love who i am deep down but my main downfall is outer validation. Thank you iyanla for this empowering words of wisdom.
I truly love this lesson. thank you Iyanna for being a Angle on Earth, showing us Gods true love. without you and many others we would not know how to find our true selves. I'm going to cry now, thank you.... go in peace not in peace's :)
How correct! The thing ...emotion...in your life..your heart shows up when you meet others. We can't go looking for love,.... from who??? Others enable us to express who we are. Don go looking for love!!!Go out to dish it out...
Aunt Mable is actually grandma Mable in my case. Could her disempowering behavior be triggering me because I’ve never spoke up for myself for fear of what others would say about me?
