Straight Talk: Forgive and Forget? 

Forgiveness is a good thing. But you can't just forget some things. The first lady commenting had it on the dot. You can't let people take advantage of you because you are willing to forgive.

“When you don’t forgive a person, it’s like your drinking the poison waiting for them to die” that’s DEEP and so true

There’s a difference between acceptance and approval. You can accept another’s mistakes or wrong doing but that doesn’t mean you have to approve of it. You can still move on without allowing someone to repeatedly let you down.

I love the first lady respond

I loved how Steve uses his platform to talk about Christ! He never comes off as arrogant or, rude. He just honestly and openly talks about what he’s passionate about and, how it impacts his life. Love you Steve!

The bible says we have to forgive to be forgiven. At times it is hard but prayer changes things.

Forgiveness means one thing and one thing only: Don't pay back. Don't hit the other cheek. That's all there is to it. Don't wish evil for the other guy.

Forgiving others is a favor you do for yourself because it help you move forward. Forgive others, but never forget the lessons you learned.

In a perfect world you forgive and forget. In reality we are human beings...we forgive and we try to move on, but it stays in the back of your mind. You won't cuss a person out every day because of their wrong, either we can live with it, or we can't. And sometimes we just have to let ppl go for our own inner peace.

"Forgive but dont forget" my mentor taught me that . In short it means that when you forgive someone you should still remember what they did, so that you don't repeat their mistakes and you don't hurt someone else.

Well put from the first lady: forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. To forget could subject you to the same behaviors, mistakes, and outcomes. Remembering enlightens you to create healthy boundaries.

To truly forgive it's like it never happened. This is difficult if we are truly honest.

You can forgive, but you never forget.

I agree with the first lady.

I forgive but will never forget. I have flash backs and that hurt the most

Such a strong topic. I was treated terribly repeatedly by my husband and my in laws and they apologized a year later to my husband and not to me and expect me to move on like nothing ever happened because they already spoke to my husband but we are two different people if they want to have a relationship with me then they need to apologize to me. When I tried to have conversations to rectify the situation it ends with excuses and an argument, that doesn’t show ME that they’re sorry and truly understand how their behavior hurt me for so long. If you’re truly sorry the apology shouldn’t come with excuses and negativity. You’re most likely to repeat bad behavior if you don’t understand how you hurt that person. Why should I give them my time if they can’t show me that sorrow? They show it to my husband and not me, I don’t get it. That doesn’t make me feel part of the family because I did nothing to deserve any of that. 🙏🏽

Asking for forgiveness everyday, and forgiving everyday. Thanking God for forging me. I am a working progress.🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

The number one thing I hope no one who finds themself in a relevant situation never forgets, myself included, is that forgiveness is very much like grief. It takes work and self-reflection, because the pain and emotional uncertainty you are trying to balance against are potentially unhealthy and destructive.

THE WOMAN IN THE MIDDLE HAS GREAT ADVICE!

It’s so hard trying to forget what my mum did to me growing up. I have forgiven her but I just can’t forget.

You can only let go when you let God. And to be able to forget, the person has to show true regret. Otherwise, like first lady said: Boundries!

You should forgive without forgetting. If you forget, the relationship can never grow or change for the better. You can get cheated on, and forgive your partner, but your relationship can’t go back to being how it was because you decided to forget. That’s how you got cheated on in the first place. When you don’t forget, you can build and learn from what went wrong in the first place, so hopefully it doesn’t happen again.

Steve Harvey preaching to us. Amen my brother.

Steve, I can forgive, I struggle with the forget part. I have a long list of names that have done me wrong. I am sure I may be on a few people's list as well. The problem with the forget part, to me is, the people that wrong me expect things to go back to the way things were, and they never will. When they can't go back, the first thing they want to say is "But you forgave me." OR. "I thought you forgave me" They expect you to go back and the same fool you were before their wrong deeds" To me forgiveness means, Okay, I am not going to hold on to it, I'll let it and you go.

I agree with the 1st gal. You remember for a new line to be made

...For the first time in my life, I finally get that part of the Lord's prayer. "For they know not what they do.".. "As we forgive those who trepass against us." 3:00-3:06 and 4:00-4:32. Two strongest points for me. I've been hurt at different levels numerous times. That hasn't changed; but I never could hate the ones who did it to me. Cause I know it'll never do them anything. I take all the time I need to do whatever it takes to heal. But I don't keep those people in my life no more.

Right now I don't know if I am capable of forgiveness after the betrayal I recently received. I am trying so hard to forgive him for my own peace of mind, for my own heart. I need to let go and move on from this betrayal but I don't know where to start.

There is a difference between forgetting and hanging on to something. Forgive AND do not Forget. Not forgetting doesn't mean not letting go. It means remembering the person's character in this context and the boundaries I need to set in the future. I don't forget not because I'm bitter and I'm hanging on but because I'm better and moving forward with you in my life more carefully so you don't pull the rug from under me and I don't have to repeat this situation for me to learn to establish these boundaries with you.

Forgiveness is to free your mind from resentment and bitterness. If you have not let go, then you have not forgiven. Doesn’t mean what was done to you was ok, but you’re acknowledging that you are no longer a slave to that memory and the feeling it brings. Forgetting is a big part of it. The memory will come to you of course you can’t stop it. But if you’re relieving the pain, anger and all those feelings whenever the memories are back, then you have not forgiven. You’re still trapped. Forgiveness is the ultimate freedom

Forgiving is good but I must admit forgetting is so hard but as a Christian one always has to remember that none of us are perfect and Human Beings will disappoint you in life..So..thats my take

Steve, thanks for touching on this!

Thanks Steven I really really really needed to hear these words. ❤

You can let go without forgetting. This week for my own subscribers I talked about forgiveness and kindness--and how it makes you better. In a nutshell forgiveness eventually sets you free--as the adage states. But what they don't tell you is it doesn't just happen the second you try it. And yes there are some things that may be unforgiveable. But the important thing--for you is that you try. Most who are trying to reinvent their lives were placed in dire lives to begin with because of the past. And people in their past. So how do you accomplish my awesome advice above you say. By practicing it daily. For me it went back and forth--for years. One day they would be forgiven then the next day they weren't. But I kept mentally disengaging the anger. And one day it just let go. We all have different beliefs on what is beyond our lives. My hope is that some sort of afterlife exists where all of the people that warred with each other--are now friends living in peace. Hope this helps someone here.----Charles

Forgetting isn't letting go of the events of your life. If we don't acknowledge when we've survived life and what not, then cannot ever truly be who we are! I don't ever want to forget where I've been, however I've forgiven much!

I agree with the first lady. Let me add though...Forgiveness Does Equal Reconciliation. It's possible to forgive someone in your heart, free them from the debt of wrath... and move on with the rest of your life without them in it, but wishing them well.

Deep topic! The lady in the middle said it best..." I forgive them for myself" ....I also liked when you said paraphrasing, forgive others so that when you mess up others will mirror the forgiveness to you based on how you have been exercising your forgiveness towards others who have hurt you etc.

🙌🏼 God knows everything

ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST FORGIVE😄😄!!!!

Steve preaching... Real talk.

Forgive yes, forget the pain, anger, frustration associated with the issue yes but never forget the lessons learnt.

Everybody Wants Grace and Mercy Until it's Time for Them to Show it...When They Are wronged, they want Justice, But Want Mercy when they Wrong Someone

Stave is great man he didn't talk when the ladys were arguing but they did when he were talking

I've already been hurt by a family member. I thought I had forgiven them. But after this maybe I hadn't. But I learned a lot from this. Thank u so very much.Love always sis Sheila.

Bruh Steve have a good knowledge for quotes and peoples keep it up man i love you and every single show for you

It sounds really nice and makes it easier to do when you think of forgiveness being about you. But the truth is that it's not all you about you. It's an intrinsic benefit to everyone. Forgiveness is simply the right thing to do, and because it is the right thing to do everyone wins: God, the other person, and you. It may not be easy, they may not even accept the forgiveness, but ultimately it brings healing to the whole situation and everyone affected (even onlookers). It's one of the purest demonstrations of authentic Love. To forgive is to be like God.

Unless you have Alzheimer’s or memory loss, you can’t forgive AND forget. You’ll always remember the wrong that was done to you by someone but you choose to not let that overshadow everything you have with that person by forgiving them… but you don’t forget.

actually, the idea of forgiving and forgetting is always confused. - 1) when you FORGET - there is nothing to forgive... 2) but when you FORGIVE - you might not necessarily forget.

I don't do well with forgiveness so I just end up dismissing the person go ENTIRELY. I can't love them anymore if I can no longer trust them.

Thankyou Steve Harvey

Brilliant man you Steve!

Even Jesus never said forget, he Preached forgiveness.

Everyone may not agree but I think it depends on the nature of the relationship and moving forward. If it is an intimate relationship or friendship or family then to truly move forward you have to forgive and forget otherwise it makes no sense to move ahead in that relationship. If however its other people that somehow are not really crucial in your life and they have wronged you, you have to set some boundaries because they might be out for you (you never know) and I think that what the 1st lady was trying to say. You need to remember so you can know where you stand with that person

Forgiving heals and helps us to move on. God wants to do it for ourselves, for our healing. GOD can take over only after we let go. But forgetting and petting back a snake that almost killed you, that is not right. GOD also says that revenge belongs to HIM. And in my life GOD has always disciplined those who harmed me. I’ve seen it happening again and again. Steve is truly my mentor. He speaks words of wisdom every time he opens his mouth. A man of God.

🌸 I forgave and forgot because I wanted to move on freely without pain & scars It doesn’t mean I can be fooled twice and I am stronger & better than I was yesterday

Go'head Steve! ❤🎉😮 Teach about the Power of Forgiveness.

Here's the logic - In order for someone to really forgive, they must actually REMEMBER what they're forgiving for. If by some accident, or due to amnesia, a person forgets an offence, then they really haven't forgiven anything. Because once the memory comes back, they will definitely get hurt/offended/angered again. On the contrary, the action of forgiving actually happens when someone - despite of still feeling the hurt and pain - CHOOSE to FREE the offender from all debts or penalties. So, even though Steve Harvey's words sound beautiful - he's not correct. Imagine this scenario: A poor man only has $10 in his account, he took that ten dollars out from the ATM to buy food. Another man comes and snatched that ten dollars from him. He was sad and angry, and for two days only ate left over food from other people. On the third day, it was announced that he won the lottery and got $10M. A month later, he was interviewed - and in the interview he shared about the robbery and said that after he moved in to his new apartment he's finally forgiven the man who stole his ten dollars and wish him well. A year later, the man got bankrupt again due to his gambling addiction. He was left with a ten dollar note on the street. Then the same incident happened, where someone snatched the note off his hand. Then he got really angry and chased that robber. He found out that it was the same man who stole his money from before. He got really mad and start abusing him. Do you think that real forgiveness has been given? But when someone was betrayed or abused by a family member, but when they choose to not not berate nor inflict punishment even though they're still hurt or saddened, that's when forgiveness happens. Forgiveness happens one tiny instance at every time someone remembers the pain and suffering inflicted upon them yet they chose to not ask for retribution.

Honestly bitterness brings sickness.

Thank you for the forgiveness. I forgave the people in my book FIGHTING FOR LIFE AND JUSTICE. I forgave others after watching Tyler Perry/Dr.Phil. and Steve Harvey with awesome ladies. God bless you all. Amen.

I won't forgive someone unless they genuinely have changed their way of thinking. It doesn't eat away at me I simply cut them out of my life because they are poison. I don't have to forgive anyone who has hurt me. There are too many good people in my life to waste any of it on cancerous people.

Nice one, Steve!. I love your practical christianity, and holding up the principles of Christ in public. God bless you more. Actually, as a Christian too, i agree with forgiveness and Our LORD's prayer, though it's hard. Just that at almost 40, i see a lot of 'woke' people who refuse to 'take responsibility for their lives'...take responsibility for their actions, growing up, opening up themselves to learning daily instead of 'this is how i am' 🙄, and it's putting a lot of pressure on those of us who want to love totally and unconditionally. You get punched like 5 times? From same person(s), you gotta start protecting your heart. I agree that in forgiveness, you forget the anger or bitterness towards the person (just as we receive grace too from God), however, I'm more intentional about protecting myself through some boundaries to avoid these hurts. God bless us all in Jesus' Name. Amen. Always love your shows Steve. 💞

I lost my mother to domestic violence and she was 39 and he’s still living his best life but he took her from us then my sister and brother passed too! Once again he was the result of that so it’s hard but it took me a long time because I thought I was going to be next but I got away from him because he was abusive. So no father should treat his daughters or wife that way. All he did was use us and he never provided or worked. He had issues with his mother and hates women.

As I’ve been reflecting on this: I agree that forgive and forget do not go hand in hand. To truly forgive means to fully remember and acknowledge an event or the trauma a person put you through. To forget would dismiss the hurt. But to forgive, you would have to be at peace walking through and reliving everything that occurred during that event or with that person. True forgiveness is not forgetting but rather remembering and having a deep understanding of what happened and feeling peace in your heart once you’ve worked through the process. To completely forget can only happen with a trauma response which is why reliving and exposure to the trauma in small amounts must occur in order to heal from trauma and ultimately forgive what or who broke us.

It's not hanging on the anger and pain oh, it's not forgetting the anger and pain. The person has caused you so that you don't go back to it! C I forgive my ex-husband and we are cool , we get along great but I didn't forget so that I don't get sucked back then, do I hold these things against him nope have I moved on yep, I think everything in life good and bad are lessons the question to ask yourself is what have you learned from it all the good in the bad

God bless you man, you are a real Christian ❤️

I'll forgive but I won't forget the patterns that caused me to feel discomfort or sadness

this is such a great segment.. realtalk

STRAIGHT TALK👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Life is a lesson & God is Thy Teacher. Forgiveness is difficult, if you want too keep Peace in your life, well its something that you will have too do. In time, I believe you will forget. We have choices, it is good to tell the person how you feel. Remember, this is if you, if you choose to continue having a friendship. Let them know things will be different & overtime, we can build a new friendship base on Truth. Now remember, your truth & their truth may not be the same, but find common ground, so you can all move on. This has been an interesting year for me, closing many doors. I have no regrets as I told them my Truth of how I feel. Many blessings to all for in 2019. Make it an awesome year. Stay blessed marcia brown

When I grew up, I got the impression that forgiveness was going to the person and telling them that you forgave them. However, when Christine said, "When someone wrongs you, you don't forgive them for them, you forgive them for you," then the forgiveness is letting go of what they did wrong and not holding a grudge. Obviously, you can't help if you have flashbacks to that event. Plus, I'm sure you'll think twice about entrusting them under the same circumstances again. But, you're not holding onto the grudge on a daily basis.

You will never forget but, a truly heartfelt apology can go a long way.

You are the best ever

Definitely forgive. Definitely don't forget. Life is a trail to learning. To forget is to waste opportunity. 👍

I agree, it rolls off the tongue like saying peanut butter and jelly 😂 I always forgive but will never forget. You don’t forget a good lesson; if you do than you’ll repeat the same situation over and over.

thanks steve love you

I agree with the last lady. Whether we like it or not we need to forgive and forget. It is a hard task and sometimes we may struggle but it’s what God would want. There’s this song by Helen Baylor, “Into the sea of forgetfulness you placed all of my sins for I’m the one who keeps reminding you over and over again.”Y’all should listen to it. It’s actually a really nice song.

There is no forgeting, forgiving rather means acting boundless of the offence. Acting without considering the offence. Now for some people, you cannot act without considering their previous actions, it is called wisdom. At the end of the day, the matter of forgiveness is a necessity to be orchestrated with wisdom.

Wow I needed that

Steve you are the best

I have forgiven to be able to move ahead, to forget I'm already starting to work on that, it's best to release the heart, mind and soul and refresh your self with positive thinking.

This segment was really interesting

Became a HUGE Christine Lakin fan from this episode! Didn't even know who she was! Lol 😂❤️

"Forgive but don't forget, girl keep ya head up." - Tupac

The first to apologise is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest, and the first to forget is the happiest. I, personally have a problem with forgiveness when people talk about things like "how can i expect to be forgiven if i don't forgive". Seems a little selfish, which goes against the principles of forgiveness. I understand the logic behind it, I just have a bit of a problem with it. Also, what the first lady said... 🙌

The longer you hold unforgiveness The greater your wrath from within. Even our body digest food and discharge poop to feel better but the mind doesn't,it remain to hold all the filt of grudges not will to be cast out..

Mature conversation.

Impossible to forget

Yessss Lord you can’t holed on to it you must forgive for yourself let it go

I agree with forgiving and on depending on some circumstances forgetting because I'm pretty sure that mom forgave him but will stil have that memory and that goes to say remembering isn't always a bad thing if you do it in a positive way

The first lady was absolutely correct in other words “she nailed it.”

“Love does not keep a count of the injury.” (1CORINTHIANS 13:5b) 💕💕💕💕😮‍💨💕💕

Let it go first for yourself.

I agree with J you can’t just forget something when people you trust hurt you and violated your trust

I hate my children’s mother more than anything or anyone I have ever hated in my entire life. My oldest daughter will not speak to me which I believe is due to manipulation in her home. I have not seen my oldest daughter in 3 years regardless of asking to speak with her. They make sure she is either at someone else’s house or where I can’t see her when I come over. I have never hated a person more than I hate their mother in my entire life. I can’t sleep, I think of them mocking me every night about me not seeing my child. I was on the brink of throwing it all away for revenge and I still struggle with those urges which scare me because I don’t want to spend my life in prison. I try not to think about it but it is like a Parasite in my mind. This hate has consumed me to the point my wife had to leave with our child because I have become unstable. These thoughts of not being able to be apart of my oldest daughters life torment me every night. During the day I argue in my head with their mother and step dad to the point I start cursing out loud. I hate them so much but my hate for them is destroying me and what I love. How do I forgive her especially when she still crosses me in regards to me being a father to my girls? Maybe this hate will go away when I see my daughter again.

yes forgive but you can't forget because it's like a teaching lesson for you and them yes it best to let go of the pain and hurt but it also not good to hold on to it to cause that person can moved on and forgot all about it like you drinking poison waiting for them to die but the only thing your doing is hurting your self

it is true. 👍👍

Hello i am from algeria i have see all ur video's steve i love u man 👏👏👏

Amen!

I like the first statement so true so true

I forgives, and move forward...boundaries are place from not forgetting in my opinion..

As A Man That Needs Forgiveness for Past Wrongs...I Would Hope That People are Truly Sorry and Repentant, As I Am, And Will Be able to Receive Forgiveness...I Can't Speak for Everyone, But I Truly Regret Things I Have Done, And Anyone Who has Done Anything to Me I Forgive, Without a Doubt, He Who is Forgiven of Much, Loves Much.