Struggling to let go 😔 

We are mourning “what was supposed to be”. That’s the message. Wow ❤

Thank you sister! I hear my story in yours and I am finding healing on this journey.

Nice landscape ❤❤

After 39 years of loving someone, it's gonna take a minute......no matter what he did/didn't do.

When I read the title of this video my immediate thought was that we hang on to an impossible dream. I think the covert narcissist may be the hardest type to leave because they have a natural ability of controlling people's mind's. They have been practising their brainwashing skills for a long time and they enjoy the endless mind-games they play on other's. Narcissists have hardened their heart towards love and only God can change their dysfunctional way of thinking and behaving. That takes commitment and narcissists are afraid of commitment, they don't like it.

I'm so sorry he did that to you after just having a baby. Shameful. As a man I apologise.

My heart got so caught up in trying to fix everything and make it work I lost sense of myself and what I was really trying to hold together

Wow! We are mourning what was supposed to be, not the person. Incredibly on point. Truly thankful for this video. I’m going to save it to watch over and over.

I have been divorced almost 5 years. My ex husband is not involved with our children and he has moved on and has other children. I really just want to let go and move on but sometimes I feel him in my spirit. Sometimes I miss him.. I am trying to give myself grace but its been a long time to be holding on.. 😢

Your timing is impeccable... so accurate on all points... I keep believing that she'll have a miraculous change of heart and see how far we've fallen and actually want to be better... but alas that hasn't happened yet... I find myself keeping holding out hope in spite of the downward spiral she keeps herself in... out of spite for the most part... My heart breaks for my wife and how much unnecessary damage that's been caused...

Wow, Stephanie! How heartbreaking to go through all of that just a month after a c-section! And I just want to ask what kind of woman is ok with being with a man who would walk out on his wife a month after she brings his child into this world? I would think that is the biggest red flag ever! Thank you for sharing some of your story!

Thank you! I absolutely needed this today. 3 years ago I left an 18 year marriage that was really toxic and yes it’s more like mourning of what you thought you had. I still have a lot of anger 😡 of him dumping a life of almost 20 years for another woman. It’s very heartbreaking 💔 and it can really mess up your mental health. Keep up the good work you do here on RU-vid ❤️

Thanks for this Stephanie, a lot of your content is really useful for me. One thing that i found getting over someone was that i was projecting my ideal picture on them. And that it was not them, but what was coming from me, my personality, my heart, was what made it feel so special. The world does not stop spinning with this person, it’s their loss more than yours and the best of you will simply go to someone else in the future who is more deserving and more on the same page. Just let go, the longer you hang on, the longer you keep hurting for no reason and before something better comes along. Warm greetings from The Netherlands and keep up the good work!

This message was really on time! I was thinking earlier today, what’s going on, why am I still grieving a relationship with someone who was horrible to, who lied, cheated and disrespect me. This message helped me feel better in knowing that healing isn’t a race, it takes time and it’s okay to mourn a loss, regardless of why it happened. Anyway, blessings to you..

Wow,, Steph I have been listening to you for literally years now and you have helped me through so much. Almost to the point where I am not sure I would be here right now if you had not been there for me. Of all of the videos over the years I believe this one is one of the 5 most powerful videos you have done. This is exactly what happened to me nearly word for word. Thank you so much for what you do for all of us.

It's been 3 months since an unexpected breakup. We almost made 4 years together. I can say it gets easier every day. Listening to your advice sure is helping. Thanks.

Super helpful video, thanks Stephanie! at about 20 minutes in you talk about was this relationship good in this way? no. this way? no... and the point you bring out is that we're stuck in the illusion of what we hoped it would be rather than what it really was... Right On! So a quick saying I got from a friend who's an online relationship coach is... "we don't grieve the relationship; we grieve the illusion" keep up the amazing great work! : )))))))

I've been married for 43 years, I should have left about 12 years ago! When a lot of stuff came out, went to therapy and all that but he didn't do the work! He's been a sex addict from the beginning of our marriage, I didn't know it at the time until I was about fifty, he started gaslighting me to try to make me crazy! I divorced him about 4 months ago! I'm 62.

Wow I'm sorry that happened to you My ex just said I dont love you anymore after 15 years 3 children and moved right on to the next

My ex and the mother of my child monkey branched to a long term “friend” six months ago. They have been living together for two months and take my two year old daughter out like they are a family. I keep thinking it will fizzle out but it doesn’t appear to be after six months officially together. It’s still so raw and hard. I long for the day it doesn’t hurt anymore.

So helpful and so very accurate. Thank you. And so sorry for how his discard went down. Truly unbelievable.

Great video Stephanie! I focused on all of our good times together. I always tried to look at the positive in people. Especially my spouse. After 40 years she just walked out on me. I am glad my children were adults then. Cannot imaging having young kids and going through this. I don't know who she is anymore. Thank you Stephanie for all that you do to get us through ❤

50 yrs and 70 yrs old...having a very hard time...thinking about 10 years from now. Wish I would have let them really go 20 years ago

How long does the beginning stages last? It's been 6 months since it's been over. I'm still crying and I'm still blaming myself.

Awesome points. I did the breaking up and immediately started missing the chemistry, the fun we had & what it 'should have been' vs the issues I had problems with. Re- visiting the reasons I ended it was a big help. 👍

Nah I’m DEFINITELY over him!! I’m just having a hard time forgiving myself for staying too long 😏

Gosh Steph no wonder your videos are so good I cannot believe you went through that a month after giving birth.

Hey Stephanie, my name is Michael. I’m from Oregon. Hey for one, not only is that guy the biggest piece of trash that divorced you a month after you were having your child you know you’re a beautiful lady you have a successful mindset. It looks like a great personality, and then he’s got a child. That is the most wonderful gift in human existence. So he’s got you and then he’s got a son. I’m sure you guys had a place together. Nice house nice rig what have you? I just cannot believe that he would leave you in your most vulnerable time when actually, that would be a time that I would shine. I loved to do things for my wife I’d love to be a part of the baby and a part of her and the cuddling I don’t know I guess guys are different, but that was one of the greatest times in the face this earth I can’t believe that he did you like that. I’m so sorry and I mean that!

I think age groups makes a difference in coping, how to handle and expectations. 20s , 30s, 40s, 50s,

Thanks for this. 1.5 years out of her abuse and violence. She’s not a good person. I’m still struggling how it could happen. Got lovely exes I wasn’t bothered about after splitting. This one was hard.

I had a horrible breakup years ago and my family and friends kept telling me everything he did. That hurt me more.

I am so sorry that situation happened to you. This happened to someone else I know. How horrible someone could do that when you're pregnant with their child or just had the child. This situation didnt happen to me exactly, he left when we moved across the country and our son is 5 years old. I am mourning what could have been. I have anxiety with that and my job to the point I am sick in the morning everyday now. I definitely feel unattractive after all of this. I try to remind myself its not just me and its not all my fault. I appreciate these videos. I will get through this even though it feels like I won't. Thank you.

I had to replay the video at the point where you said, " He asked for a divorce after one month after your baby was born. WTF? Wow. 😢

After 9 years together The way he ended us he ghosted me what about closure

I’m struggling now. I know it’s time to release the pain. I literally had a moment last night 😮 I go through moments of blocking and unblocking.

I don't understand why and how you can stop loving someone. That must be very painful.

This particular topic I have on repeat - for the simple message "Letting go of the dream" and "We're mourning for what was supposed to be". This goes to everyone who believed in the better tomorrow.......that never came - may our souls find rest from the torment we are experiencing from our heartbreak.

Hey Michael, again from Oregon, he should’ve put you first you just got done having his child you carried that child for nine months, which is a chore in itself. It’s a job in itself. He should be making sure you’re first and that child is first my God that’s what a man does for his family. I don’t know. Sounds like an absolutely selfish, coward, self-centered coward. He needs to treat his queen appropriately. She just had his child My God I just cannot get over that. Sorry to repeat myself.

I miss the dream and story I created in my head. I don’t really miss him, I guess. 😔

Thank you so much for this video! Was very proud when you asked if we checked their social media, I said no. I deleted his profile and it seems to be working. This video is a gem!

I was able to recover faster after the end of my 25 year marriage than I am the loss of my best friend/life partner after 3 years. Its been 3 months and I'm devastated. I can't lose this one forever. I'm holding out hope we can reconcile.

Don’t want to be around this person

I've just found your channel and I am so so sad for what you went thru, you're so beautiful, I'm sure his loss was bigger. I'm in a painful place trying to coparent and wish I could fast forward this part to the healed, better version of me.

I was in a 12 year marriage up till seven months ago when I was discarded after she walked down the road to cool off after an argument. Bottom line I did not see it coming. I mean there was a few rough patches in our marriage. She like to argue and fight more than any girl I’ve ever been with turns out she’s a covert narcissist I didn’t find that out till two months after she discarded me I didn’t even know there was narcissist existed. It’s been seven months since she discarded me. I should hate her guts which part of me does, but I still love her even after all the stuff that she did to me and the stuff that I’m just finding out that absolutely blows my mind that she would do and be able to play it off normally like she did she’s got to be absolutely mentally sick in the head I mean, she told me I was her soulmate, her life partner, her twin flame best friend told everybody all the time with what I do for her and how much I do for her that I was her rock, and this was all the night before she discarded me, but she told me that the entire marriage she made love to me all night long, and then discarded me the next day

5 years. I just can’t move on. I’m still so deeply in love with her. I have to see her everyday at work and act like I don’t care. It’s destroying me.

I have found that the one that wanted me didn’t want a heart to heart talk and address the problems or whatever it was underneath the surface so I just started backing away since I saw it going no where. It was and is super hard since she won’t open up since she is scared and then throws the “I don’t trust you card” in my face when I was trying but she seemed to want it all her way. I know she has problems(she has to fix them herself but if she will put the work in I would be there for her as support) but it still hurts when you love someone and they throw the I don’t trust you card in your face. That just pushes me away faster not address what’s really going on. I don’t ever get fully attached even when am in love with someone as am use to do everything on my own. I am all in though and completely committed but it’s like why bother if they are so hurtful. Struggling is real

Leaving you after the childbirth of your son just because Mister didn't find you as attractive as before was so rude and cruel! You have all my sympathy, Stephanie. At least, this unsensitive behavior showed the real personality of your ex-husband: a selfish and despicable bastard. Thank you for sharing with us this sad and unbelievable story.

I was involved with a high functioning, high profile Borderline. He couldn't commit to a partnership as he had 2 failed marriages already. After months of up/down abuse, I left. 1 week later he was on dating sites. 8 months later he was married. His "partner" is 35 years younger than him. My ex is wealthy. It was a massive blow to my confidence. Worst experience of my life. My ex is wealthy(not that it mattered to me) it may do to his "husband"

Yay...more courses from another dating coach. Are all men narcissists?

thank you ♡ I'm curious if your x stayed in the subsequent relationship 🤔❔️ I happen to believe that they're really at fault for committing adultery, that it's just not acceptable & they should be dealt with by the government ~ harshly these specimens are literally ruining civilization that's my theory 😋

Sooo true, this is the time to work on myself 💪🏾 Moved from lonely to alone and enjoying life more than ever 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Thanks Steph 🤙🏽🤙🏽

Preach sister preach! Someone recently asked whether I’d get therapy for my future divorce. I honestly told them “no” as this channel was in my mind. Although I’m a guy and an African American at that, I resonate with so much of what’s being said. Please keep these videos coming! I’m in the healing process and this helps a lot.

Thanks Stephanie I listen to you all the time

This was so helpful, I’ve been stuck in the blame stage, blaming myself and all the psychoanalysis. Thank you for reminding me that figuring out what exactly happened in the past is not actually what’s going to help me heal. It’s all about building that self trust and beautiful life again. And, I realized I don’t mourn him, I mourn the fantasy of him.

Jeez, Stepahnie you help us all here❤, but let’s show empathy for you and what you went through - one month after the birth😮😮

Always painting a picture of false reality. That’s how we get so stuck and depressed. Not seeing the bad side of it.

U never really know someone. It's always a chance. Sometimes it's works out ..sometimes not As 20 years went on,it got worse. The more I spoke up,the worse it would get. Now he cheated,lives in truck,does not care for himself and looks like a homeless person. Tried counceling etc...I cannot go home now He has blocked me from his phone and is still friendly with that person he cheated with and a few other women He just wants to do his thing and lives outside of rules etc. I did what I could,but I cannot work anymore and am not well. I am starting a biz In the beginning,it was good. I thought he had mental illness and did not want to leave b4,but now,there really is nothing I can do at 60 and he is fine he says..he did say we were not lost,but he makes a better friend than husband...?? Something to chew on huh

Your content is Amazing and you helped me so much!! thats me, Not over my ex although I thought I already was… ps: No need for inserting generic scenes in your videos, love watching you Talking as always ❤

Thank you, timely.

One thing I saw on youtube was a guy talking about how the narcissist will get you pregnant so even if you two are no longer together they can keep a hold of you have to deal with the kids. Interesting concept but one my ex is going to have to deal with no matter what happens to the two of them.

Unfortunately, I am not able to say that I was not complicit in the break up, which makes it so hard for me to feel justified at feeling hurt, he did hurt me physically and mentally. We were toxic to each other. He does not feel bad at all

I had watched so many videos I thought there’s nothing more to learn. I was wrong the way you explained was very valuable to a new learning thank you so much for this video.

The only times I think about my ex is because I have constant dreams of them. It makes it difficult that they are always good dreams of them. Literally its not in my control. This is whats frustrating. I have zero desire to be with them in real life. Im not trying to think about them and Im truly happy each day he doesnt come to mind. But these dreams are killing me.

Me too Stephanie he left the day I had my c section after hitting me. The strength it took to survive that with no family around was huge. It has changed me forever and u have spent the last 6 years working on myself. Thank you, you have helped me more than you will ever know. ❤

Someone please tell me that after 6 weeks of the break up I'm still supposed to be absolutely gutted as I feel like maybe I'm going mad or something.........

It’s been a year and I still text my ex how hurt and angry I am. She ignores me and just moved on like a marriage and two kids was nothing.

Thank you, very helpful,thank u for sharing ur journey too, so many of us can relate to u, ❤

Psalms 140:4 Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from the violent man; who have purposed to overthrow my goings.

I gave up on humans temporary conditional and transactional LOVE 😢

His loss! For sure.. my situation is really similar to your story. Can’t believe a man could do that to his child and his wife. How do you explain that to the child later on in life?

waitt.. people asked a course to you about narcissism.. Is that not what you are talking in every single one of your videos?

This was the Best video you are so right this hit the nail on the head thank you thank you I’ve Learned so much from this ❤

Been feeling really bummed out and crying. It’s been almost 2 years.

Jus must know you are a beautiful woman. That happened to me she left me for someone literally next day

I wish I had your strength to speak out. Much love💕🙏💜

This video really helped. I’m still going through this situation and although it’s been a year 18 months that my husband left for another woman I can’t help but catch myself wishing he wanted me back and made the needed changes. This is a fantasy and he is no good for me. He didn’t c my worth. He sees the grass isn’t greener on the other side but yet he still can’t undo the damage and pain. I know what I deserve and my daughter too. He lost his family via his choices of continuous infidelity. But why do I still want him to look for me and beg? Why can’t I just focus on me. He’s what I think about always but I’m so angry. Therapy is helping but co parenting is hard. I’m just a mess 😞

Never do that I dont want to see my ex and her bf we had a family and kids for 15 years

Thank you so much for sharing

I like your hair like this...beach waves

❤❤Stephanie,Thank you the best ❤❤

Been almost 2 years

Who here has been cheated on?😮

Thanks Stephanie, been a year and it's still a struggle....

5 mo. Out still struggling

I swear, your the best! Cheers!

Its been 2 1/2 yrs since my ex left me. My ex is not on social media so I don't have to struggle with not looking ar his social media. I am far from over my ex. One thing I never hear about no matter which videos or podcasts I listen to /watch, I never hear anything about remaining in love with your ex. Isn't it just possible that a person can or will always love their ex?? No one ever mentions this ( that I have seen) situation. Why can't it just be that I have loved this person for a long time and will always love this person? I have great respect for this person.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Steph-a-Mom!!!!!!

Damn! Getting dumped a month after giving birth for another woman is wild. Good for you on getting passed that. Makes my situation seem really small by comparison.

Your Great!!!❤️❤️

I am a big middle schooler...so I am dealing with this towards someone whom i was never even with but just rejected me. I feel a weird, toxic pull between us in person. I think it's very likely she just likes my attention but not me. I am struggling to deal with no contact since our friend group is like 80 percent overlapping.

This is dead on correct it's exactly what I've been trying to figure out I'm mad because it was supposed to be beautiful and it was horrible

What a horrible piece of dirt, to have a child with your wife then leave her just after giving birth when she is most vulnerable. He will get him karma for sure. Bless you ❤

Takes a lot to be vulnerable. I think people also, although heartbroken, try to give defense to what the other person did. How you go from one-day you're the best thing they ever had to brush you off like you're nothing. Takes time and growth, they did wrong , you didnt.

I thought something was wrong and I was crazy because at times I felt like could I go back to him. In all reality yes I will be a fool. You have no idea I needed this Stephanie ❤

I was lucky when I was dating we did not have myspace or facebook. Now of course we do and now I hear from her once in a blue moon which I am fine with as she moved on. Not with a very good guy so I do not like that as I was one if not me I hope she finds someone to be happy with. Oh well but glad for the advice.

Thank you 😊

I'm so happy I got RU-vid on my computer, I can watch your videos .

Thank you Stephanie as someone else just said your timing is perfect your videos are so helpful ty ❤

Another crazy thing is I met her when she had a 4 month child I became dad to and built a family of 5 but everything happened for a reason

Thank -you 🙏