THAT is the ExJW Question... 

My husband was raised a witness I was not. My husband was in a bad accident a years back and we were not treated well, so we left the area we have been in for Most of our life. My first apostate video that kept popping up, I went up to bedroom shut the door went into the closet and shut the door and listened to it. I knew right then. I didn’t listen for months to anything but then started to again, I tried a little bit to talk to my husband and he just kept saying I don’t wanna hear any of it. A few months later I come across the Australian Royal commission and I said to my husband I want you to watch this one video and I said I will never bring it up to you again, so he watched it and that was it we’re both out done.

I refused to be a part of "the good ole boys club", so I chose to fade. I had a stroke and while that was going on my wife woke up, and I finally woke up this last December. Love your guys channel. No need to push, just be patient.

Thanks again for a thought provoking video guys, you're both doing really well with the content. A couple of my thoughts; Firstly I think that there's sometimes a presumption that it's possible to wake another person up. If it were simply a case of deciding who to wake up then the Borg would have dissolved decades ago. The truth is that only a person predisposed to waking up can be 'helped' along the way. If the person isn't prepared for that journey then nothing you say will wake them and instead you'll most likely reinforce their faith and drive them deeper into the cult. This is colloquially known as the backfire effect and has been observed in many similar situations for decades. Secondly, I don't think it's possible to predict how a person will react to or handle the waking process. Some people may have apparently ideal circumstances and completely crumble during the process, maybe suffering a complete mental breakdown, or worse. Whereas another person who is left with no social network, loses their family, job, home etc may have extraordinary resilience and move on with their lives. You simply can never predict it. I've heard many a story on Reddit of people well along in years who've woken and left and they express amazing gratitude that they still had a few years of freedom rather than dying in a delusion. Whereas there are some young people who feel like Cypher did in the Matrix movies and want nothing more than to be reabsorbed into the Borg. We're all different and that's what makes the whole situation impossibly complex. Great to hear of your successes in life and plans for the future. You seem to have a great thing going and I'm really happy for you.

I woke up 3 yrs ago age 75.. After 50 in jws.. All I can say is you're either ready or not..if you are ready you will find a way.. I saw red flags for a while.. Was scary but there is support either from family, friends (in my case) and of course plenty of online exjw groups...but for some it's better if they stay in..

I use the analogy of a tumor that’s grown around the spinal column. Sometimes removing the tumor can do more damage than leaving it alone. “Inoperable” in this analogy would be considering their age and where leaving or waking one up will hurt them more than what they may gain.

I know a JW elder, he's a pleasant chap and enjoys his life as it is. He regards his religion as having given a good structure and moral values to him and his family. He has a good job that pays well is well educated, obviously articulate and clever. "waking up" would likely disrupt all that significantly.

The way I see it, JW don't deserve to be lied to for most of their lives, so I have been trying for the last two years or so. This is probably what will get me kicked out. My opinion has been If someone was very old, sick, or just lost someone in death, I wouldn’t try, but everyone else is fair game. However you made some great points that I didn't consider. Waking up is extremely difficult and if you wake someone up you have better be in a position to help them.

I felt RELIEF waking up

I think of the organization much like The Matrix. There are people who know there is something wrong, there not quite sure what, but they are ready to be freed. Then there are those like the guy eating steak with the agent saying ‘ignorance is bliss’. Any of us who have been around for a while know who is who. Think how spot on this quote from The Matrix is “You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight to protect it."

I want my 2 children and son -in-law to wake up, not because I miss them, although I miss them terribly, but because I want them to know they have choices in life, that they are allowed to love anyone they want to love with no restrictions and that they are being lied to and scammed. And, I want them free of this cult to break the generational indoctrination. But so far, I have failed to wake them up.

Another person can't wake up another. We can share information but other person needs open their eyes to see the reality. Then there is the change cycle, you can recognise the need to change but choose not to. Cognitive dissonance is something many choose rather than face the hard truth of lies and deception. I was out for a few years before I finally woke and I had a breakdown. If I didn't have a network of support around me, I wouldn't be alive now. I'm so glad your mum had this view, sadly my mum was abandoned as a baby and she did the same to us. So sad and so selfish.

It is such a loaded question ! I know when I left I had a close friend group that were very understanding and although naturally there is a distance between us they still did not feel the need to expose me or take me to the elders out of respect of me. One friend did ask me to not talk about the matter with there sibling because this friend believed the organization provided a structure that may keep there sibling from becoming a messy person. And although that was a difficult concept to swallow initially I also thought about where I fundamentally have a bigger motivation is that life is precious and if this organization keeps them from ending there life due to despair that has some value. But it’s also the reason I will be vocal that if someone gets abused in organization I feel like my voice has to be heard so that it may help others and get them out of the dark place due to the organization and the victim blaming that tends to happen. So it really does go both ways. I lastly consider that some peoples expierence may not have the same level of control. For example the younger generation the elders are on them so much. But as you get older it becomes less and less and I would debate that for the older generation it probably gets to a point that some actions are not questioned so it allows a freedom and is not the same high control as the younger group so in some ways it begs the question of what is the point in waking those up. I think about my grandparents I would want to wake them up so I don’t hear propaganda and feel judgement on me. But realistically with there age and retirement there life does not significantly change if they wake up and may make things harder and feel them with regret they may not have previously had. Just my thoughts it’s loaded for sure. Thanks for this great channel. Cheers!

Great subject! I often talk about certain family members who are just fine being in the organization. My 91 year old grandmother needs to believe she will see her 8 year old son in the resurrection. I couldn’t fathom trying to wake her up. She needs to believe this.

1st, I'd like to say that you both are such a blessing! Thank you for loving people so much, that you're so willing to be authentic on such a public platform! I certainly wish I had people like you to look upto when I left the cult. After having been raised as a JW, I left when I was 21.... I'll turn 50 in a few short weeks :-) It took me nearly 20 years before I was ready to meet God and Jesus again.... and the way it happened is so obscure that the only explanation is that it was organized by God. With that said, I was recently listening to Mike Winger, who is a great Theologist and Apologetics Christian on RU-vid, give a talk about what JW's believe. I had forgotten that JW's believe that Jesus was not resurrected in a flesh and blood body, that he was raised in a spirit body. This belief takes away all of the benefits of His actual death and resurrection, and to believe this way negates all salvation. I'm bringing this up for a specific reason. When I left, because I no longer knew what to believe, I imagined that I was either going to hell, or that I was going to die and "just go to sleep". I've been struggling with how to talk with my JW family and the one JW who still speaks with me. I want them to have the benefits of salvation and an actually real relationship with God and Jesus but I don't want to "ruin" their currently life by making them realize the actual truth causing them to either live with that knowledge and pretend to be a JW, or leave their family and friends forever. I'm so happy that your mother woke up and that you didn't have to loose her!!!! BTW, I LOVE that you use the verbiage "woke up"! Love you both, from America. xoxo

Our last Matriarch is 90. When I talk to her she always brings it back to Jdub. It feels like a cattle prog in my side. She has been in for 60 years. I have known her since I was 14 now I am 68!! All the years of lies. When she says, "When Armeggdon comes or the new order". It sounds and feels like burning acid. I love her very much. She took care of my JW Mother. I have been advised to bring our conversation back to My love and respect for HER and how much she means to me.

I agree with the thoughts on the older ones. Otherwise, I try to think of it as "not trying too hard" to wake them up. If something comes up in conversation or action, I'll drop some knowledge in little pieces on them. If they want more, I'll keep going. If they REACT, I'll stop and wait until next time to try again.

I always enjoy listing to you guys and hearing your point of view after having left JW. Since I have a loved one caught in this cult, I have some pretty strong views on this topic you raised. I don't think it is like how some folks just wake up and hop out of bed into the shower and some need to slowly shut the alarm off twice and then crawl out of bed. So, maybe we should give them the extra time. Knowing what we know after waking up, that the organization is a cult and controls all aspects of people’s lives to an unhealthy level and feeds them lies to maintain that control, and isolates them from friends and family who don’t believe in the organization and teachings, then the sooner they come to realize that the better. Maybe the illustration is more like waking up someone who is in a burning house, or demonstrating tough love to a family member on drugs. I know it is not possible to “extract” someone physically but the goal should be to help them to see the reality of the situation however we can and as quickly as possible. I don’t see a tradeoff of allowing them any “benefit” from their relationships with other JWs who are sold out and sound asleep. I cannot see that as being so valuable that it might be worth postponing the attempt to help them wake sooner. And finally, I know you both put great value on your new-found freedom and you are on a quest to discover what’s next after leaving and exploring different things and that’s OK. But, I would ask what if there is a real TRUTH to be found after leaving that so-called “truth” that was not the TRUTH? Wouldn’t it be better to seek and find that sooner rather than later? What do you think about all of this?

Help me my brain is melting, I can't stop singing Bob Dylan's songs "All along the WATCHTOWER and when you gonna AWAKE up " hi from OZ. 😇

I have lost friends and alienated family by trying to wake them up. I come back to a phrase that stood out in a publication by Don Cameron (former Elder) His book . "Captives of a Concept". A person has to be ready, have doubts or the dissonance they are experiencing is too much.. His phrase was " when dealing with those who ARE ready to face the truth, one word may make all the difference. But if they are NOT ready to face the truth, then thousand words won't make a difference" (capts mine)

IMHO I think people are best helped using ' case to case ' method, especially elderly ones. I would not want to cause anyone any emotional or physical harm. People suffer from heart problems, high blood pressure, emotional and psychological issues. I don't want that on my hands/conscious. Love is most important factor. That's not to say you allow Grandma/Grandpa to take your children to meetings ( if they were having in person meetings) nor would I allow my children to look/listen on Zoom. Absolutely not. In addition, I'd inform my parents they can't talk about their religion around the children. Tread lightly with all people because kindness is better than fighting with them. You don't want heated conversations or action. I would, however, quickly draw the line if I suspected any form of abuse!!! Kayleigh, I'm so happy your Mother woke up! 🎆✨😃!

It’s not my belief you can ‘wake up.’ anyone else from it . It’s such a personal thing and has to come from the individual. It’s also important not to swap one form of preaching work for another , By trying to wake others up with the same zeal as a witness trying to preach the good news.

It is complicated ! And, with so many interesting and insightful comments below, there's little more to say, except : ) I SURE AM GLAD TO BE GONE - and i'm reminded of the saying - "Actions speak louder than words " ☮

My mom was just like yours in the sense that she like us believe that family comes first. She always stay by the sons and daughter regardless. Unfortunately once I woke up, I told her immediately and I wasn’t nice about it. I only wished that I would have handled it differently. To make matters worst she was very sick with an advance Lewie body demencia and we had now clue that was happening. She died a few months later of the illness. I think she knew something was wrong with the organization she just didn’t understand what. She love all her kids and grandchildren and none where in the religion. The only one in the organization at this point is my oldest daughter. I don’t bring anything up unless she asks. Yesterday she stopped in to pick up her dog we watch from time to time and indicated that my son in law had a part in their zoom meeting and that is why she took a bit longer to pick the dog up. I have to block it and just say it’s ok your late, but no conversation regarding the meeting. We have that arrangement established. She doesn’t go into details or try’s to preach to me and I don’t try to wake her up. I could only hope she will eventually figure it out.

Greatings from my hearth! I am „physical in, mental out“. I awak with News over Case 29 from ARC. In my Head it is finish (Not with the Bible) with Watchtower! But My wife is going More and More in Watchtower. And i leave in a House with 4 Familys ( all my Family). It is Crazy for left Watchtower. Every Time i am waiting to the ultimative Crash! In this Moment, there is a Great Prozess from Zalkin versus Watchtower. I Hope, CNN make report over this. In this Moment, i goes out. I am waiting of a Chance for say: Look here!! Thank you for your important work! I Love you and your Family!🥰🤗

Wow :-) Oh :-) so nice to listen to a reasonable talk, you've found the balance together, dismantling cognitive dissonance and putting sensibility into the matter. That's what I'm thinking :-)

I'm an Apostate ( Born in) for years I tried waking up my JW Mom... she lived with my 2 JW siblings who was not taking Care of her... finally at 88 years old she decided to live with me .. she said to me after All these years the WT ORG (Cult) has done is Break Up Families and Label and Judge people ...what an Eye opener !!!...like the Word's of the GB'S (8 Dude's in NY).... my JW Mom received New light of her OWN !!! ...😊🤣👍

No matter what age you are it is always better to leave this life in truth than in falsehood.

Hey Kayleigh, Patrick, A analogy here ! Would you say trying to wake someone up from this cult is similar to trying to help a alcoholic quit drinking or a drug addict give up their addiction ? Perhaps it goes even deeper than that ? It seems to also be extremely psychological.

Trying to wake up a relative is NOT a good idea! We have tried to wake up my child and u mil and it only pushed them away! If we continue it only we push them away further! One of my friends woke up on her own! And she used to disfellowship me. Until she had her own wakening. The elders and that org will wake them up all on their own! It might be next year, it might be a few years but it will happen! Just have faith!

Yeah I leave them alone. If one of my loved ones talks to me about something then I drop seeds because almost every witness has doubts and sees some problems

For me, I think that people's religion is their own choice, so I don't try to wake people up. However, what I do want is to be available to help if someone wants to get out of the cult. So I make sure that publishers know that I am available if they need a discreet chat.

Love should direct you. The question may be, do you leave them living in a cult. Is that love? I think whatever happens you continue to love them. I am not a JW and I know this is easier said than done.

Nicole my wife is 50 years old and pimi , I'm 61 a apostate with 80 videos debunking the Watch Tower and the Bible. I want Nicole to know why I'm a Atheist but I'm so scared of Nicole been shunned and having to experience shunning. She loves me very much and has told me she balled her eyes out at a zoom meeting over me been a apostate. For now I'm happy for her to stay a pimi jw and she accepts me as a apostate atheist. I'm scared she'll wake up when I die and I'm sure no one jw will comfort her over her evil apostate and foolish atheist husband. It's hard coming out as a atheist not only do Jws label you a fool but all religious people do too. I'd love to start a church called ,, The church of the Blessed Atheist,, The Gospel of Atheism the Good News of Atheism . I agree with you Pat and Katie , If their a happy jw in their twilight years why inflict the shunning torture on them . Love you both Pat and Katie. Justin porter ex jw

I have struggled with this question a lot. I know a sister who is dfed and she wants to go back. I feel so bad for her. She struggles with so many issues and the only time her life was any good is when she was a JW. I figured if God allows the Catholics and Mormon's and all the other religions to exist there must be some good they are providing for some. So if she wants to be JW because it makes her life better who am I to destroy her delusion. Still hard to watch.

We all know psalm 83:18..but there are 17 verses preceding it.

Do you still believe in the New System and the Resurrection?

Enjoy this system then?.

You can’t 😄

I would love it If you mentioned the Bibel, Jehovah God or Jesus Christ in these Videos. Do you believe that Jesus uses the Holy Spirit today? Then maybe I can der whether your Problem ist one of the doubting Thomas or your not being able to forgive 7 Times 77 or Just what ist your Problem.❓❓

Hi I understand that there is a question of whether to wake some one up or not . I have my brother in law and his wife that in their 80s. So my thoughts are let them live out their lives now and when they die they will be waken up in paradise where they will be taut the real truth.(Luke 16:20-23) Even Jesus did not go to heaven when he died (1Peter 3:18,19) He went to paradise and preach to the spirits in person for 3days then when he was resurrected he went to heaven. Many people have experienced death and come back to testify that there is life after death and saw their bodies lying on the operating table. So they will be awakened !!!!