The 6 RED FLAGS You Need To Avoid In A Relationship! (WATCH OUT FOR THIS!) | Esther Perel

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Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world.
Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into nearly 30 languages. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? Her latest project is Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories with Esther Perel. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.
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Whenever I get the chance to connect with Esther, I always learn SO much from her. No matter where you’re at when it comes to relationship status, the things we cover in today’s conversation will help you develop a deeper, more loving relationship with yourself - which is where everything else stems from. And now, let’s jump into Episode 1,277 of The School of Greatness!
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Опубликовано:

3 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 573

@lewishowes 2 года назад

athleticgreens.com/sog - To make it easy, Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. Again, that is athleticgreens.com/sog to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance!

@whoshallwetell 2 года назад

Where can I find the full conversation of the first clip with Esther (she's dressed in white)??

@smilebonita5019 Год назад

@DeltaCharlie27 Год назад

Lewis, please change the cover photo for this clip - she’s beautiful and has such an amazing message and that cover photo definitely does her and her message a disservice!

@galitadar2490 Год назад

Uouounuuo

@cliveedharris1353 Год назад

Spot them jump in you will get left out you are so powerful thank you ♥️😃👍🎤🔥🎶

@TakeBackYourMind997 2 года назад

Not taking responsibility for their actions!! If someone can't take responsibility for the things they do and say, you'll never be able to have healthy communication and grow with that person.

@katerina81731 2 года назад

So true!

@MidwestBoxin 2 года назад

My ex to a T

@Introvertedalpha 2 года назад

True!

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Agreed!

@hoso2268 2 года назад

I agree 100%

@katarinatomic6085 Год назад

This woman is so smart, grounded and eloquent. She is not advertizing toxic positivism and easy solutions. Life is hard, relationships are hard, let's face it and do what we can to make it all as good as it could be ❤

@janiecepoush1904 Год назад

My Auntie’s Ambivalence, Born 1917, taught me: Don’t marry someone for the Things that you LOVE about them - That’s Easy! Marry someone for the Deficits that you can Accept & Still Thrive Amidst! 🙏🏻💛🕊🍃

@garyfrancis6193 Год назад

Oh oh.

@jadegreen1554 Год назад

Also for the good things they do. Surviving in deficit could quickly become toxic without realizing. Ensuring there is good treatment becomes very important and always present in healthy relationships

@janiecepoush1904 Год назад

💕My Auntie Jackie was 5 yrs. older than my Uncle Mikey! In older age, aches & pains, they decided to have their own Bedrooms; Uncle Mikey would travel across the House every, single night, to give his Beloved a Kiss Good Night. They owned a Rental Property, & every decade, or so… My Uncle would do an overhaul: repairing, laying flooring, painting & such. After 6 weeks of hard work at the Property, my Uncle told my Auntie (that was also wielding a paint brush), I need to go Home, Jack; I’m sick! That night, with aches & Pains, my Uncle made it across the House to Kiss my Auntie Jackie Goodnight, stopped at her doorway, & said, “Come give me a Kiss, Jack!” A little bent out of shape for breaking protocol, Jackie replied, “You come here!” She was aching & after all, her knees, recovering fm Surgery replacement Knee Caps, made it quite difficult for Auntie to get up, & down. Uncle ended up, turning & skipped HIS Kiss! The following morning, Uncle arose for another Day at the Rental… An Inspector was Scheduled in a few hours. He dressed, fixed Coffee, got in his favorite chair, legs up, w/ Fresh Coffee, & Lit a Cigarette! Auntie Jackie came to his Garage Bedroom, connected to the other side of the house, to say good morning, & give him a Kiss, as per, her Tradition. She noticed the cigarette had burned down just a little bit, in the Ashtray & Uncle ignored her greeting. Surprised, she bent to Kiss her Sweetheart, delighted, their extended Rental Project Completed, realizing, ‘Her Sweetheart was Gone!’ Auntie Sobbed as she shared this event with me… Years Later! In continuous Grief, She had missed HER VERY LAST KISS! They had both put up with each other’s Deficits through the years. Neither One was perfect. Yet, with give & take, one strong for a few years, while the other took their turn with functioning alcoholism, their Dance was always awaiting their favorite song, as their LOVE, always covered over a Multitude of sin (fm. Scripture). Yes, Their LOVE was Strong… But, they each accepted the other’s Unique Deficits… Those Acceptable Imperfections! I asked my Auntie a few Questions: “Do you think Uncle is in Heaven thinking… Because you were in pain… He has Forgotten All of the Kisses through the Years? Focused on your one mistake?” Or, is HE REGRETTING, not Delivering HIS KISS, though IN PAIN, also?” Adding, “Did you make it 55 years, because of your Screw-UPS, or, Because of Your LOVE?” Missing my Sweet Uncle Mikey, “OUR TEARS,” Flowed Together! I continued Soothing my Precious Auntie Jackie, explaining that Spirit, to Spirit… They had Graduated, & they no longer needed to touch Lips, as their 55 years of some 20,000 + Kisses (Goodnight Only), were their Reality that outweighed All of their Deficits. THEIR LOVE, was the kind, that would continue throughout Eternity! Many Blessings & Much Love! 🙏🏻💛🕊🍃

@wellnesscanceradvocate8564 Год назад

@@janiecepoush1904 - Beautiful

@CrystalDatingCoach Год назад

Very wise Auntie.

@Dd94949 Год назад

When she talks about relational ambivalence she's talking about rupture and repair. Many therapists will say that "we never fight" is actually a death sentence. Real couples fight. It's part of being authentic. They just fight better - we talk about our deep fears and learn how to be careful. "Misattunement" is inevitable in relationships, and part of being human. True love and empathy have a lot more to do with understanding and forgiveness, rather than aiming to be perfect. Pia Mellody says "fall in love with someone you respect enough to criticize." Someone who can hold your anger and your sadness - both are valid and necessary emotions. True love is flawed. It's broken and put back together, and stronger each time. But it rests on a foundation of secure attachment - love may be "conditional" in the sense that we accept each other as we are in the present moment, but more broadly, love is unconditional in that we accept each other as always changing - the key part is always re-attunment - can we "find" each other again (emotionally) when we inevitably disconnect. The sad part is, many couples have never "found" each other emotionally in the first place. You can't go back to a secure attachment that never existed in the first place. Secure attachment must be built and maintained, otherwise it's insecure and destined for failure.

@Dd94949 Год назад

So interesting to think about Esther's 4 parts of jealousy and how they are rooted in childhood attachment (to parents). 1- a true sense of autonomy 2- we experience novelty together of self and other 3- we appreciate the other as existing separate from our self 4- separation and reunion. She's describing the secure base and safe haven of attachment theory. As children, we must "choose" our parents for the sake of our survival. As adults, we "choose" our partner, but we can survive alone - which means we need to keep choosing our partner over and over. That's why the ways we learn to cope with our parent's emotional deficits (our core wounds) are inevitably brought into our adult relationships. Once, they were relational survival strategies, now they're just our "personality" - which means we need to be aware, and our partner - so we can work towards a union that involves equal parts autonomy and connection. Or as esther says, novelty and safety. Eroticism and love.

@Dd94949 Год назад

@PGH Engineer are you happily married? How many years? How much time do you and your partner spend together and apart, and how do you each feel about it? Do you talk about these things? As a man, do you ever feel like your partner is "nagging" you? How do you resolve that? Does it get resolved? It's cool to take a simple approach to things...but if you spend less than 50% of your time in a state of "bliss" with your partner - or if you don't feel like your relationship "adds" a lot to your life - this stuff is worth thinking about. It is based on science. No different from measuring how hard to swing a bat to hit it out of the park.

@Dd94949 Год назад

@PGH Engineer Dude...i agree, she is dressing up the info and getting rich - BUT there is decades of research on attachment theory, which is what the majority of esther says is rooted in. Also, attachment theory underpins most of modern psychology now, and the leading minds in psych and mental health - Dan siegel (interpersonal neurobiology) and sue johnson (emotionally focused therapy) are leaders in this. If you are trying to say that there is no logic to love or relationships, you're wrong. It's a very defeatist attitude...which tells me you may want to look into personality development - another broad area of psychology with thousands of studies. The reason nobody knows this stuff now is because we couldn't scan and measure the human brain until recently in history, so this new knowledge of how our brains work in relationship is not widely understood...yet. It also goes to the deepest parts of our being...we are social, bonding animals. That's what we are. The core question is, what triggers your amygdala (fear) in relationship and how has your personality adapted "around" that fear - and therefore what do you "naturally" think and behave like - and then - how can a therapist help guide you, in relationship, to "corrective emotional experience", which essentially means true, felt, vulnerability, in the presence of a loved one. Because if we can learn and experience how to "feel safe" in relationship with someone, then we can re-create that in times of stress (trust). Which is why most "advice" doesn't work - our brains get triggered and we forget the advice. This is where self awareness and other awareness converge. How do we "heal together"?

@Dd94949 Год назад

@PGH Engineer I appreciate your perspective! Agree to disagree I guess 🙂

@chipotakaendisa8765 Год назад

Deep

@CandaceJDunkley 2 года назад

A committed relationship is not just about a love story but a "life story" Love that! Thank you Esther for your insight and Lewis for doing the interview. To the person reading this, you deserve to have a partner who you love and can have a beautiful life with. I wish you a life of growth and manifestation where you become the person you want to attract. You deserve the beautiful life you have been dreaming of. Okay time for me to go back to watching this interview. It's good!

@OzmaOfOzz 2 года назад

Thank you, wish you the same ❤❤❤

@CandaceJDunkley 2 года назад

@@OzmaOfOzz Thank you! ♥️

@lewishowes 2 года назад

👍

@2RiverPower 2 года назад

Thank you and I wish the same for you as well.❤️

@lonimimeseko 2 года назад

Thank you so much. I really needed to see that and I wish you the exact same

@marie-noellevoisin9950 Год назад

I like how this host listens to his guest in such a respectful and considerate way :)

@eleniandreas1 2 года назад

'See how your partner is in social situations' thats pure gold 👌❤️🦋

@hbkkashleyy1685 Год назад

Im am going to have to start disagreeing with that notion. My boyfriend is out going, funny, joker , mr smile, shake your hand, smile real big to the waiter/ waitress. All his friends think hes mr cool. But the side Ive seen that no one else has seen. Has not been positive . Or true to the person. I have been told by his highschool Friends, I guess what Im trying to say is that you can absolutely not just go by how they are in public. You only see someone for who they really are when they are at the door of a storm, when you to see how they handle stress, handle arguments or debates. Or how they react to something you say or do something they dont like. Thats just what my life experiences Have been proven.

@smithashekhar9539 Год назад

@@hbkkashleyy1685 absolutely 👍🏻👌🏻

@elvansavkl7972 Год назад

I love how Lewis takes notes with such an innocent face like a school boy.

@lewishowes Год назад

Thanks!

@corinabalaceanu6774 2 года назад

Lewis, thank you for bringing Esther back on “School of Greatness”, she’s one of my favorites. 🙏 I just love Esther’s way teaching the ABC’s of a healthy conscious love relationship, especially the difference between love and desire, they have different frequencies. ❤️💜 I agree with her that unconditional love is just a myth in an adult romantic relationship. This kind of love is possible just between a parent and her child to raise, protect and teach the child in a safe environment. Between 2 responsible adults we should have a reciprocal, give and receive, conscious love relationship. There’s too much abuse in the name of love in lots of current relationships due to old conditioning beliefs “we’re together forever till death will draw us apart”. I mean who came up with this drama trauma kind of unhealthy relationship that opens the possibility for lots of suffering and misery? Have you heard about that saying “ Happy wife, happy life” that’s stemming from pretzeling people pleaser behavior and eradicates any kind of autonomy and growth, hence “I lost myself in that relationship ”. Or the old belief “we’re not happy but we’re staying together because what people would say” or “we’ve already invested so much in this marriage and going on separate ways is too scary because it’s the unknown”. Human mind has been programmed to assume the worst case scenario to keep us in survival so mitigating the reality for a different possibility has not been taught in school. 😁 And that’s how our kids model our relationships and perpetuate generational emotional trauma. We’ve got to unlearn, discard and delete old conditioning view regarding drama trauma bond kind of relationships and be willing to learn, grow and evolve within a healthy conscious partnership through openness, honesty, transparency, curiosity, vulnerability, playfulness, compassion, kindness, peace and joy while maintaining autonomy and freedom in an interdependent relationship. You know how good mental and emotional health feels like? Joy, inner peace and satisfaction. The ultimate question to ask ourselves is: “What’s actually truly important to me ?” and listen. What we’re doing afterwards is solely our choice. 💜🙏

@lewishowes 2 года назад

So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499

@corinabalaceanu6774 2 года назад

@@lewishowes Thank you for ur reply. I’ve been subscribed to ur podcast long time ago. I’ve actually listened the episode with Esther on ur podcast first, it’s actually my favorite podcast, love the topics about health, wellness, neuroscience, relationships, human mind and behavior, finances. Would be Ok if I would copy and paste my utube comment to ur podcast? Would be helpful to you?😁

@corinabalaceanu6774 2 года назад

@@lewishowes Done. I’ve changed it a bit, you’re gonna like it.😉

@marilynsik8959 2 года назад

@ corina . Hi. I don’t think unconditional love is a myth. It depends on how you were brought up. Unconditional love is not only for mother and child relationship . It is also for married couple. If you grew up in a happy secured family environment where family is the utmost important in that culture then you want exactly the same growing up. And I was married until he passed away 9 years ago. I love him unconditionally. I don’t need to explain it further what that meant . But I know what is unconditional love is . So you can not generally conclude or come up to a conclusion that it is a myth.

@human_08 Год назад

@@marilynsik8959 Your love became unconditional because of his demise. Otherwise it would only have been or be a mutually felt strong emotion. Humans are just incapable of offering stable unconditional love. Emotions and feelings are always fluid and not solid.

@filmwithtalia 2 года назад

Esther Perel is one of the GREATEST WOMEN ON EARTH!! Thank you Esther, we are so grateful for you sharing your knowledge so powerfully!

@lewishowes 2 года назад

🧡

@vickibazter3446 Год назад

Esther is truly a gift. ❤️

@aliciabolton2839 2 года назад

This reference to the social is so key. I have just learned this at 42. Bring it to the social situation to really know someone, not just between two, cause it’s a very different thing.

@CrystalDatingCoach Год назад

And do they want to know you.

@Apollo_Blaze 2 года назад

Staying single by choice is a very peaceful, happy and uncomplicated life. Not having to deal with someone else's expectations is Freedom.

@MsWest-tf6xu 2 года назад

Totally. Our culture is not such that I even care to waste my time. The day a man asks for my number with *actual intent* on going out and doing something fun that I enjoy and getting to know each other, instead of "saying" they want to take me out just to get my number to try to text interview me and try to set up an "insertion" opportunity will be a new day. The females I talk with that do "date" if you can call it that anymore, basically say they hook up and get physical and then fight about him trying to control her. They are supposed to do whatever dude says--when dude barely knows her, let alone has any actual responsibility over the consequences of his actions towards her, nor typically even cares about what us good for her. Yes. Single by choice for a woman and caring for ourselves is a great freedom that is available for women in America like in no other place, that I wish more women would embrace instead of running from male to male to male to male getting immersed in relationships where they are not valued, told what to do like a dog, used and tossed and left thinking something is wrong with them for being tossed. Something is wrong with them alright--allowing themselves to be put in that situation to start with and not taking advantage of the opportunity to be educated and work and care for ourselves that we have in America is the freedom they are missing.

@klopossa2 Год назад

@@MsWest-tf6xu You must have missed the part where she said we need others to learn who we even are. In order to even be OURSELVES.

@MsWest-tf6xu Год назад

@@klopossa2 Why and how you relate being single by choice to what you are talking about? Seems like a co-dependant viewpoint.

@northofyou33 Год назад

@@klopossa2 It is totally possible to be single and still be surrounded by others. Are you suggesting that people have to have a partner to learn who we are? I don't think she says that.

@klopossa2 Год назад

@@northofyou33 to learn who we are with a partner yes. Which is totally different than solo..obviously.

@rosemargaja463 2 года назад

Lewis, every question you asked Esther was exactly what I wanted to ask her if I had the opportunity to sit with her. It's like thinking alike. You are so amazing at extracting the wisdom and info from your guests that your audience would appreciate. I appreciate Esther's wisdom, too. Keep doing what you do. More power to you both!

@lewishowes 2 года назад

So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499

@user-nf6bw9zm8d Год назад

You learn the people in actions, how they relate to each other in social context, how they treat the person on the street, waiter, everybody while they are trying to be super nice to you. That’s more precise piece of information than how long we date

@ritacripps6541 Год назад

I had a partner, who I loved and tolerated his phone bleeping all the time, it was his ex wife, who also used to turn up at the house and on the first occasion walked in the house. I definitely can't except that level of contact with an ex, my expectations surely aren't to high

@JupGem 2 года назад

Perel’s points make so much common sense, it’s kind of crazy these outlooks aren’t ….well, more commonly considered!

@Introvertedalpha 2 года назад

So true!

@lewishowes 2 года назад

👍

@angies7906 Месяц назад

"I could tolerate the lack of security better than I can tolerate the lack of freedom. I understood early on that I wil be self-employed. I can tolerate not knowing when the next check is going to come from but I prefer that than someone is telling me when I take a vacation." speaks for me ❤

@xelaklement3367 Год назад

I absolutely love the concept of love story and life story. It really lifted a burden off me because I always expected life stories to be like a longer version of a love story which just can't be because of what Esther explained (are you gonna bring this person to your parents? Do you want children? etc) So obviously love stories are gonna feel more intense and romantic because they don't have to ever think of all the implications the life story involves. The love story feels like a romantic movie because we don't have to worry about anything but just live the love in the moment. Makes a lot of sense to me now. I think some people make the mistake to ditch a life story for a love story exactly for these reasons.

@lewishowes Год назад

🧡

@VanessaSimon26 11 месяцев назад

Valuable! So very valuable.

@dsstudio76 10 месяцев назад

I ditched my life story because I disliked the story was being told. 🇧🇷

@2shadyladies Год назад

Second marriages often mean blending families and not many of us have the tools to deal/cope with these challenges.

@aquickstory2196 2 года назад

this should be a school subject...

@lewishowes 2 года назад

🙌

@human_08 Год назад

Is she an angel disguised in a human form? Its just factual and unbelievable that priceless things are always available without a price. These gemstones of priceless wisdom in here are what every human should strive to pursue. Honestly speechless.

@lewishowes Год назад

🧡

@Chris-wk8nu 2 года назад

She’s so well spoken and makes sense

@marlenadavidovs7067 Год назад

True, my 1st divorce was because young age, 2nd divorce was because I choose more like business partner not life partner

@jumper555 Год назад

I am so glad these conversations are open for anyone in need. Some families have their stuff together and many don't. I have seen mothers tell their son's how women are and many have never had that talk. I was lucky to have both parents and still married after 50 years. The odd thing was there are no talks like this. This is whats missing from my family and it shows. My brother, sister, and myself need clarity for this chaos.

@PratibhaSingh-ud3rg 2 года назад

It's always great to listen her. She is an epitome of wisdom. Her talks are very helpful in understanding the modern relationships.

@erikn54 Год назад

I have not been able to admire my wife for the last four years. I have only been able to care for her. I think back to when we were in Rome and I saw every man looking at her beauty. Same thing in Paris, Barcelona or whereever we went. I look at her and miss her so much. She became depressed and is now a totally different person. Me beeing in damage/caring mode has ruined our marriage.

@elisetwteh7958 Год назад

The revelation from her is phenomenal.

@childofforest Год назад

It requires incredible maturity to reach the state where on can form a meaningful relationship, according to what Esther describes here…but despite the difficulty I cannot complain because everything she says is so true

@hollaatshaun1121 2 года назад

Esthers second appearance is what introduced me to the channel! So pumped to see her back thanks for another amazing episode. I’d love seeing one of y’all have a productive sit down with Rollo Tomassi would would be legendary , the middle ground found in that talk would be fascinating.

@theresas.3808 Год назад

Listening to her is very enlightening. It also stirs in me the unrest I have in my current relationship. It makes me want to get back to the time when my partner was really into me.

@tgfitzgerald Год назад

What do you think your partner would say/do if you told them that? Maybe you both feel the same way but neither wants to admit it and risk being rejected

@version.c8758 Год назад

My personal Opinion: Only one complaint! I love this show but the click-bait titles are really hard to get past... I find myself avoiding many of your videos because the titles are such turn-offs and I think these titles really cheapen the impression of an otherwise fruitful and meaningful interview. I am always pleasantly surprised with how much valuable knowledge is shared. Truly life changing stuff happening here. Sad that it's masked with bad taste marketing. It's quite a contrast to your authenticity and I fear it may repel authentic people away from your beautiful content! Thanks for reading!

@rhondamaza8598 Год назад

Yep.

@annmarietrupia6650 Год назад

I haven't seen any.. 🤔 Or I'm just too consumed with her accent to be distracted. lol

@PlatORgone Год назад

@@annmarietrupia6650 paid accounts do not have advertising

@MarkAKathurima Год назад

I couldn't agree more. Very cheap click-bait-y titles for, in this case, a highly intelligent and enlightening conversation. I almost didn't click on this save for being convinced to do so by a trusted friend.

@cecilliachi 2 года назад

A remarkably profound woman. Thanks Lewis for having her and asking really important questions. She is one of my many great teachers and I am grateful to be able to experience her wisdom time and again. I love her to bits! ❤️❤️

@lewishowes 2 года назад

You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡

@selfretired3025 2 года назад

Personally, I tried Jealousy on once and didn't like how it felt... so I took advice from someone else and focused only on the quality of my own time spent with that person. Instead, my intention is to always be Me... and manifest my own relationship with that individual. If I start to not like how I feel, I give myself space from them to recalibrate.

@bronwenmostert7654 2 года назад

Yes jealousy is an ugly thing, believe me I know, it can really destroy something great that you may have, I had the jealousy going on and it crushed my relationship sadly

@lewishowes 2 года назад

So sorry to hear that!

@selfretired3025 2 года назад

@@shurieai8698 there is a place for understanding and respecting eachothers boundaries based on how our body and energy react. Having lived a mostly reclusive life, I feel jealousy as an emotion that includes a lack of understanding of the situation. If I find someone prefers that emotion, I can accommodate... but it's for their needs and not my own. I prefer trust and open communication. Men & women are friends. It's not a matter of CAN they be, it's generally how we are built... yes? We have to have faith in ourselves, and our other, and keep positive energy flowing between us. You know what happens then? We essentially find ourselves handing the person their life back and find we really do trust them and it was our own emotions we needed to learn to control instead. That... is an accomplishment. Comparatively, jealousy is nothing but there to help strengthen our own self and relationships... and we just needed another point of view of the situation. We all come in this world alone... we live it alone/our own dreams.. and we leave alone. It is not our job to control another. Let them do what they need to do, for their own reasons. Those who care, don't matter. Those who matter, don't care... because they have a higher level of understanding than what others are aware of. This is why we do not judge others.

@bronwenmostert7654 2 года назад

@@selfretired3025 The part where u said we came into the world alone and will leave alone is so true and it's one of my favorite sayings

@tammy6452 Год назад

Very true with the second marriage divorce. And I understand about the third marriage being more successful, I was the common denominator in all my failures.I am taking the time to devote to my own development. This is the make it or break it time. No longer looking for anyone but myself, I have actually found the courage to be more caring without attaching. More about defining what I can do, not what I must do.

@ThiaOmega 24 дня назад

Her art of communication is superior. What a fine teacher. Thank you.

@lewishowes 23 дня назад

So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

@patrice7p Год назад

Amazing conversation… learned more about authentic relationships in 1 hour than reading 10 books

@wellnesscanceradvocate8564 Год назад

Integrity, depth, joy, growth, 👏

@kristinaherrejon7181 Год назад

They have the most amazing chemistry in their interviews. Great job.

@lewishowes Год назад

Appreciate you and your support🧡

@Jane-yy3rq 2 года назад

Learning a lot about relationships listening to this.

@gaynorbishop9749 2 года назад

1st time I've met this lady, what a wonderful talk this is! Thank you. She's incredible. This was extremely enlightening and a totally different (& necessary) slant on things.

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Thank you so much for watching!

@JustOne-qe7jl Месяц назад

I listen to Dr. John Delony on RU-vid- he many times quotes Esther Perel. Now she comes up on my RU-vid feed - I’m so grateful for that. Esther hits the nail on the head for me on many relationship issues. I truly happy and relieved to feel heard and understood.

@freedom7146 2 года назад

I love Esther Perel. I was married for 21yrs to a very good man who was a kindred spirit... that was 10yrs older. He got sick and died. I was wife number four and this was my first and last marriage. I am 59 yrs/o I had a life and love story with him. The love story died when he changed...Now after clarity of nine months since he died, I only want a love story with a man that wants an LAT type of relationship and can tolerate I need to continue learning and love my freedom. Unfortunately this is something hard to find.

@violet807 Год назад

It's really easy! Just find an older man who can't drive. If you can drive, you are the most beautiful girl he's ever met! Contact me later, tell me about your great new man.

@felicitygrace5113 Год назад

Is love story and life story with the same person possible? I truly desire that. I want to be with a man my 5 senses are inlove with. I am not settling for less

@mpro9446 Год назад

@@violet807 girl what😂😂

@ligiasommers 2 года назад

OMGODNESS Ester Perel is amazing. I love each and every of her talks . Thanks for having her again 🙏🏻💝✨🌹

@lewishowes 2 года назад

You're welcome!

@CrystalDatingCoach Год назад

Esther Perell is the BEST Dating Coach in the World. Her advice is amazing!! Lewis your great with letting your Guests talk and asking GREAT questions.

@sandram6068 2 года назад

I love this . Thank you for bringing her again. In min 57:30 when she explained the importance of introducing the date to a social gathering and friends in early of the starting to know the person. That is what we do in my Colombian culture. I loved to hear her analysis of it. It is so important

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Thanks for being here! 🧡

@anastesia8455 Год назад

Perhaps... but its not a fail safe.. especially if your partner is not a versy social person or comes accross as shy untill they really reveal them selves.. Botice i write "vome accross as shy" when really they are covertly Narcissistic ... Yes i yroduce...but dont use it as a "yard stick" id say.

@pcstew3 Год назад

This conversation is so beautiful.

@ashleymariecoleman7158 2 года назад

True love ❤️ starts with the Truth not a lie and the lies ruin the foundation of relationships!

@lewishowes 2 года назад

So true!

@ghazitayar7924 Год назад

Thanks Lewis for hosting Esther with her deep Experience. She just Pointed my weakest point. Cause the main thing I didn't had and don't have the courage to be in real relationship because I'm feel not enough for the woman I would to be with her!

@pattif100 2 года назад

I think you two are just fascinating together. The questions, the flow of your ‘chat’ are just terrific! So interesting… thank you both for sharing.

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Thank you so much! Your comment made my day 😊

@sandrarioscomeron7987 2 года назад

Yes, the flow, is perfect!

@lollya5692 2 года назад

She’s brilliant … such an interesting discussion with the pair of you. Very insightful ❤️

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Glad this was helpful for you🧡

@marycahill546 2 года назад

She makes so much sense! Learning a lot from her.

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂

@crzyplaya Год назад

Awesome video! Thanks for sharing all three clips!🎉

@ARTANDHUSTLEPODCAST 2 года назад

Love her. She’s so profound and it’s so helpful her explanations

@lewishowes 2 года назад

🙌

@agnesn142 Год назад

Esther is just brilliant. So many helpful insights

@agnieszkapioro5524 Год назад

Nice conversation , down to earth, so many of us, me included , idealise the relationship when in fact we should reevaluate our expectations and stop looking for all the needs being fullfield by our loved one, he or she can't make it neither do we...

@lewishowes Год назад

Thank you!

@isisrodrigueztheartist5386 Год назад

Beautiful lighting and great conversation

@irenejag6717 2 года назад

Each question, and answer is FIRE🔥!

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Glad you enjoyed it!

@LeaMarlene111 2 года назад

The part about a soul mate used to be source/ the divine - now we are looking for it in one person. Wow, that was exactly what hit me this morning! Powerful content. All the points. This video landed in perfect divine right timing for me. Thank you very much!

@lewishowes 2 года назад

You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡

@cambriawellness3102 2 года назад

Me too! I agree with her on this. When I massage, the treatment reflects The Day, the moon, my conscious commitment to The Now, to potential, and that is undulating, not constant, but it's fulfilling.

@lewishowes 2 года назад

🧡

@SD-kp6fj Год назад

I love her thank you for this beautiful podcast and making it accessible to all of us

@francolafuente4265 Год назад

Thank you so much Lewis! Great work and very important for our intimacy life. Have a great day!

@livelaughlove4635 2 года назад

I love listening to Esther. She is one of my top 3 people you interview. Esther, Joe Dispenza and Marisa Peer. 💞

@tijeraslack3 Год назад

This message was very deep! I love it. ❤

@surabhibhati5197 2 года назад

Guess what? Yesterday I was wishing I guess I could watch a free podcast of her. Lots of love to you Lewis. You make more difference in people's lives than you think you do. Love, Surabhi.

@lewishowes 2 года назад

So happy to hear this :)

@user-nf6bw9zm8d Год назад

Stop looking at people as products. Love comes when the evaluation stops. 22:26 who are you. what can i bring, what responsibility you take, how generous you are, how you show up,

@Kcolaneri1 Год назад

I love this so much Lewis! Thank you so much for having Esther on but more importantly for having the courage to understand that both men and women have emotional needs and for tending to them and building something sacred with your partner. This makes me feel like I can do the same. 😊

@lewishowes Год назад

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to check out the interview! So glad you enjoyed it🧡

@maggiew7293 Год назад

Ester Perel is such a fabulous relationship expert and I respect her wisdom, experience, and advice. I loved this video. Thank you so much for sharing her with us.

@lewishowes Год назад

Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂

@mirix1515 Год назад

She is a modern feminist who like most of women blame everything on men.

@mozartrn1 Год назад

Phenomenal. She has such excellent insight into aspects of relationships I have never been able to identify or name. Thank you!

@mirix1515 Год назад

Sure works for modern feminists who blame everything on men.She is modern feminist.

@chiasinglau9153 Год назад

Amazing share. Thank you for sharing.

@beardedham5983 Год назад

Heyyy Martha. I love hearing about Martha and the healthy agreements in their relationship. All the best 🙌🏽

@laurahennessy2893 Год назад

Yes, never give up your Freedom

@CiluhStyle1 Год назад

My wife didn't understand that last point. I can only be your everything for everything for so long. It's ok to confide in your family and friends. We have enough on is as is. That was one of her reasons for leaving me. But it wasnt me, she was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. Mommy/daddy issues. I learned later on. Praying she gets help. I tried to be so much to her but it never was enough. All while working, going to school and raising children. It was a tough ride and she wanted to get out...tough walk!

@jujensen 8 месяцев назад

What a beautiful testimony! I am sorry for the end of your marriage. I am sure you did what you could. I am afraid I suffer from borderline too, but I am trying to find the cure for that. I feel I have been demanding and asking too much from my husband and it’s never enough. Peace and light to you!

@laurahennessy2893 Год назад

Yes, we can not give up who we are to be loved.

@lewishowes Год назад

🧡

@fidelispenelopy254 2 года назад

Amaizing Amaizing Conversation...thank you both soo much ❤🤎💜

@lewishowes 2 года назад

So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499

@user-nf6bw9zm8d Год назад

Happiness mandate: continue pursuing happiness is miserable most of the time; pusue integrity, depth, joy, aliveness, growth, liveness, caring Someone, having their back, feeling they have your back, want the best for them, compersion( feeling joy for the happiness of others), those things ultimately make you feel happiness.

@tiffanywalker1312 2 года назад

She’s great ! I always enjoy her insight

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Glad you enjoyed it!

@SabeeraHausa 2 года назад

This woman is remarkable. The third relationship, in my opinion, will be much better because, as an individual, you grow in wisdom by then, and you are more mature, having tolerance to react appropriately to discern and take the right action. The only sad thing is that a lot of people react differently to breaking up, and this can have a negative impact on their chance of finding the right person. It's a very weighty subject that can go on for hours due to various opinions, beliefs etc. Life is a learning process, and I pray that all who are genuinely good and mean well find their life partner, including myself.

@JESUSCHRIST-ONLYWAYTOHEAVEN 2 года назад

WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IN GOD OR NOT YOU WILL KNEEL BEFORE HIM ON JUDGEMENT DAY AND HE WILL GO THROUGH EVERY WORD YOU SAID/EVERY THOUGHT YOU HAD/EVERY SIN YOU DID. YOU WONT BE ABLE TO ARGUE WITH HIM EITHER, YOU WILL KNOW YOU ARE GUILTY AND MADE A BIG MISTAKE. THE ONLY WAY OUT IS TO TURN TO JESUS BEFORE ITS TOO LATE. YOURE EITHER FOR GOD OR AGAINST GOD AND THERE IS BUT 1 GOD (its not satan/buddha/allah). PLEASE READ THIS MESSAGE BELOW AND IF YOU WANT TO MOCK AFTER GO FOR IT BUT I PLEAD WITH YOU TO READ IT. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU GOD'S STANDARD FOR HEAVEN IS PERFECTION AND ONLY JESUS (THE SON OF GOD/GOD IN THE FLESH) LIVED THAT PERFECT LIFE! HE LAID DOWN HIS LIFE & TOOK THE WRATH OF THE FATHER ON THE CROSS FOR YOUR SINS! GOD IS JUST SO HE MUST PUNISH SIN & HE IS HOLY SO NO SIN CAN ENTER HIS KINGDOM OF HEAVEN. IF YOU ARE IN CHRIST ON JUDGEMENT DAY GOD WILL SEE YOU AS HIS PERFECT SON (SINLESS SINCE YOUR SINS ARE COVERED BY JESUS' OFFERING). YOU CAN ALSO CHOOSE TO REJECT JESUS' GIFT/SACRIFICE & PAY FOR YOUR OWN SIN WITH DEATH (HELL) BUT THAT SEEMS PRETTY FOOLISH! GOD SEES & HEARS EVERYTHING YOU HAVE SAID & DONE. YOU WONT WIN AN ARGUMENT WITH HIM & YOU CANT DEFEND ANY OF YOUR SINS TO HIM. YOU'RE NOT A GOOD PERSON, I'M NOT A GOOD PERSON... ONLY GOD IS GOOD! WE'RE ALL GUILTY WITHOUT ACCEPTING JESUS' SACRIFICE FOR OUR SINS! MUHAMMAD DIDN'T DIE FOR YOUR SINS, BUDDHA DIDN'T DIE FOR YOUR SINS, NO PASTOR/NO PRIEST/NO SAINT/NO ANCESTOR DIED FOR YOUR SINS, MARY DIDN'T, THE POPE DIDN'T EITHER, NO IDOLS OR FALSE gods DIED FOR YOUR SINS, NO MUSICIAN OR CELEBRITY DIED FOR YOUR SINS, NO INFLUENCER OR RU-vid STAR DIED FOR YOUR SINS, NO SCIENTIST OR POLITICIAN DIED FOR YOUR SINS, NO ATHLETE OR ACTOR DIED FOR YOUR SINS! STOP IDOLIZING & WORSHIPING THESE PEOPLE! JESUS CHRIST ALONE DIED FOR YOUR SINS & WAS RESURRECTED FROM THE GRAVE! HE IS ALIVE & COMING BACK VERY VERY SOON WITH JUDGEMENT (THESE ARE END TIMES)! PREPARE YOURSELVES, TURN FROM SIN & RUN TO JESUS! HE KNOWS YOUR PAIN & TROUBLES, HE WANTS TO HEAL & RESTORE YOU! TALK TO HIM LIKE A BEST FRIEND! ASK HIM TO REVEAL HIMSELF TO YOU & HELP YOU TO BELIEVE IF YOU DOUBT! DON'T WAIT TO CRY OUT! NO ONE IS PROMISED TOMORROW! HE LONGS FOR YOU TO INVITE HIM IN, HE LOVES YOU MORE THAN ANY PERSON EVER COULD, HE CREATED YOU! Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."-John 14:6 "But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven."-Matthew 10:33 “For the wages of sin is death (hell), but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”-Romans 6:23

@lewishowes 2 года назад

🧡

@janetroberts5140 2 года назад

@ Asake Ajao Thank you for the well wishes. I am doing the self work to heal and be better prepared for the next connection/relationship/marriage.

@SabeeraHausa 2 года назад

@@janetroberts5140You're most welcome, dear. I'm sure when you get blessed with someone, you'll be a great partner because it's incredible people like you that have healed from situations that will have a tonne of love and care to give 💝

@Foreverdensword 7 месяцев назад

Breaking up is definitely something people don't want to go

@dharmindersingh7655 2 года назад

Very interesting and meaningful discussion as usual

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Appreciate you! 🙏

@reddevil00745able 2 года назад

The reason therapy is needed when in the beginning of the relationship is because we aren't taught how to be fully functioning, properly adjusted people anymore. This is different from the past where things were different. I only realized that while watching this video. It was something that bothered me. I didn't understand why we now need therapy or counseling to be in a relationship. It's because things have gotten so muddled by social media and advertising. We no longer know how to function by ourselves or in relationships.

@Foxie635 2 месяца назад

I can listen to this beautiful woman everyday. She's great.

@jonstersmall2716 11 месяцев назад

Awesome stuff Lewis thanks

@themystical3282 Год назад

Lewis keeping notes all the time is so cute. Doing the same by the way. This woman is a gem.

@human_08 Год назад

The value in this video alone is just 🌌 ♾ immeasurable!

@lewishowes Год назад

Happy to hear this :)

@annawimpey5307 Год назад

Thank you Esther, you reaffirmed my reasons for divorcing my 1st husband. I made better decisions when selecting my 2nd husband. As close to a 'soul mate' as possible. Maturity makes marriages work. I've been a widow over 10 years, yet I'm not in a rush to find someone new. Men remarry after becoming widowers much sooner than women. I feel an emotional difference between my divorce and the death of my husband. To have an ex who you could still contact and berate is not possible if that person has passed away. There is no reconciliation possible and melancholy can really set in.

@lynne14344 6 месяцев назад

Thank you for this helpful tips.

@debifambro1039 Год назад

Thank you for this. All your guests are great and are all beneficial. I'm now going down the list. This woman is amazing 👏

@lewishowes Год назад

So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to follow my page and leave me a review here: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499

@OzmaOfOzz 2 года назад

Love that you're getting sponsors now!! I'll watch this as soon as I get home. I know it's gonna be a great one!

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Appreciate you! 🙏

@throwingshine9138 2 года назад

I'm very grateful for these interviews with Ester!

@lewishowes 2 года назад

Happy to hear that!

@TheRealGalaxysMelody 2 года назад

Unconditional love is not a myth. It's called accepting the good, bad, & ugly...

@kahyah2926 2 года назад

Unconditionally Loving mySelf ~ in the presence of the “other” …THIS offers the experience of expansion of my capacity for Loving mySelf and the “other” freely ~ or 🌈”Unconditional Love” or The capacity to flow Love, regardless of how others behave, think or speak about me, themselves & Life. ✨🌈Thank you BOTH for this wonderful conversation ~ ✨🙏💕✨ !!! Freedom is at hand !!!