The Most Censored Bible Chapter 

And then some Christians reinterpreted the story to be about how it's wrong to masturbate. The end.

I remember reading this in the Bible when I was a Christian and not even thinking about it. Religion is one hell of a drug

I read this in my early teens and asked my teacher why God would kill people for something that tiny. She said "God works in mysterious ways". Damn I hate stupid people

Last month i met a priest outside a bar while we both had a cigarette. He asked me if i had found Jesus. I told him "First, nobody told me he was lost... and secondly, if you havn't found him in 2000 years with billions of followers, I REALLY don't like your chances." He burst out laughing and i bought him a beer. ^_^ We don't always have to hate on each other to exchange opinions. We may just learn that someday. Thank you DarkMatter2525 for injecting some epic humor into your opinions for so many years. If you ever need another Aussie voice actor, i work for caffeine. -_^ Stay chill people.

"Allow me to impale thy depravity cavity with my flesh sword." My new pickup line. xD

I would love to see Genesis 38 drawn into a children's book.

The bible was game of thrones before game of thrones. Jamie of Nazareth lol

Somewhere in Houston a man named Tim watched this video and laughed a little. God punished Houston.

Oh, Old Testament. No wonder you never get quoted at my church.

Holy shit I accidentally deleted Jeffery's halo for most of this animation. I was deleting something else, but Jeffery's halo was highlighted when I hit delete and I never noticed it. The thing I was trying to delete didn't delete, so I was worried I deleted something else; I hit ctrl Z JIC, but I guess it didn't work and I didn't notice. Oh well. His halo will be back next time.

I got a Christian anti Muslim ad before this video started

Back in the day there was no porn videos just porn stories. Bible is sort of full of em.

I had no idea there were so many ways to say "sex" Learn something new everyday! Thanks DM!

Until the age of 15, I was a fundamentalist Catholic. I would read the obscure parts of Genesis where weird shit was going on, and that began my conversion to skepticism because clearly Yahweh is messed up.

“Stop having the wrong opinions about things, Jeffery. It’s not that hard” haha

Jeffery: You just destroyed years of research **Intact chalk board and bottles of chemicals float in background.**

Yeah, actually reading the bible will let you see how completely messed up it really is. Unless you're completely used to apologetics, in which case the blindness could be permanent.

Fun Fact: Even though Onan was killed as a punishment for coitus interruptus (aka pull-out-method), one of the most used German words for male masturbation is "Onanieren" (to Onan)

What's so interesting about what Jeffery said. When he said that, "the kids would be Onans kids genetically and it's all cultural bullshit". These people didn't know about genetics. They probably thought that this was legitimately how it worked. Because someone said the kids are his brothers, they actually are.

what are the similarities of GOD and my girlfriend? they're both Fictions

I lost it at "swagger dagger" and "vag mahal". Good work.

And yet God was perfectly happy to have a Moabite be part of Jesus' lineage? Clearly consistency is not something the biblical writers thought was that important...

I'm sorry I have to.. Genesis 38:3; She conceived and bore a son, and he called his name-Judah: "Uh, honey. What do we name our first kid?"Shua: "I don't know man, just... the first thing that comes to mind."J: "Oh geez, I don't know. Umm... Err- .... Er.... Lets go with Er"

I died at the “chicken for dickin’ festival” bit - I love it!

"38:15 When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face." So that's what all those women in burqas are? Good to know...

I was cristian and I doubted my faith and this channel helped me :)

I remember reading this as a Jehovah Witness and thinking it was the most weirdest story i have ever read. And this after knowing about a talking donkey. It slowly made me an atheist after it hahaha

Is this the book Christians get their so-called "absolute morality" from?

Husband dies, brother-in-law dies, goes to bang father-in-law, *WHAT!?*

I just resurrected myself from the grave to see this video...

I can see why they stuck to the New Testament in schools...

Having tried to read the Bible in full, and having been raised Baptist, I have not once ever heard this tale by any degree. WOW. And the points and jabs made are perfect.

If you were busy but saw there was a new DarkMatter2525 video and dropped everything to watch it, this comment is for you. 🙌🏼

For real though, the *_Dickin' 4 Chicken_* Festival was off the hook, don't hate.

As a matter of fact, Tamar was Judah's daughter in law (not his daughter). But everything else is very well done! It shows that the Bible is not a standard for ethics. And it's so funny that Christians always "explain" everything in the Old Testament with the "Bloodline of Jesus"... You really nailed that!

Depravity Cavity! Sounds like an awesome metal band.

Yet the bible I got given at age 11 when I left primary school kept it in.. I hope no one expected us to actually read it.

Is nearly at a breakthrough to cure some of the worst diseases known to mankind, then attempts to give cpr to a man who's taken a machete through the brain...

“Now may my swagger dagger finally pierce thy soft shell tuna taco?”

They actually read this in a daily mass reading at my catholic school, shit was awkward af (I was in 3rd grade rip)

It's amazing that you're able to survive on RU-vid as not just an animator, but someone making such controversial content. Keep up the good work!

I don't get why so many people get so mad over these videos that includes the people that are mad about it poking fun at Christianity and also those mad that he hasn't done a video on Islam

This is the best video. I learn a lot of synonimes for Penis and Vejayjay @ 9:05 depravedy capity, flesh sword @ 9:21 Cyclops, swampy nether rigion @ 9:49 swagger dagger,softshell tuna taco skin flute ,virgmahal I have mastered USA english idoms

If onan Is real he’ll have had the best pullout game in histoey

Yes, Darkmatter uploaded again!

Genesis 38 38:1 And it came to pass at that time, that Judah went down from his brethren, and turned in to a certain Adullamite, whose name was Hirah. 38:2 And Judah saw there a daughter of a certain Canaanite, whose name was Shuah; and he took her, and went in unto her. 38:3 And she conceived, and bare a son; and he called his name Er. 38:4 And she conceived again, and bare a son; and she called his name Onan. 38:5 And she yet again conceived, and bare a son; and called his name Shelah: and he was at Chezib, when she bare him. 38:6 And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar. 38:7 And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. 38:8 And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother. 38:9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. 38:10 And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also. 38:11 Then said Judah to Tamar his daughter in law, Remain a widow at thy father's house, till Shelah my son be grown: for he said, Lest peradventure he die also, as his brethren did. And Tamar went and dwelt in her father's house. 38:12 And in process of time the daughter of Shuah Judah's wife died; and Judah was comforted, and went up unto his sheepshearers to Timnath, he and his friend Hirah the Adullamite. 38:13 And it was told Tamar, saying, Behold thy father in law goeth up to Timnath to shear his sheep. 38:14 And she put her widow's garments off from her, and covered her with a vail, and wrapped herself, and sat in an open place, which is by the way to Timnath; for she saw that Shelah was grown, and she was not given unto him to wife. 38:15 When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face. 38:16 And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me? 38:17 And he said, I will send thee a kid from the flock. And she said, Wilt thou give me a pledge, till thou send it? 38:18 And he said, What pledge shall I give thee? And she said, Thy signet, and thy bracelets, and thy staff that is in thine hand. And he gave it her, and came in unto her, and she conceived by him. 38:19 And she arose, and went away, and laid by her vail from her, and put on the garments of her widowhood. 38:20 And Judah sent the kid by the hand of his friend the Adullamite, to receive his pledge from the woman's hand: but he found her not. 38:21 Then he asked the men of that place, saying, Where is the harlot, that was openly by the way side? And they said, There was no harlot in this place. 38:22 And he returned to Judah, and said, I cannot find her; and also the men of the place said, that there was no harlot in this place. 38:23 And Judah said, Let her take it to her, lest we be shamed: behold, I sent this kid, and thou hast not found her. 38:24 And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt. 38:25 When she was brought forth, she sent to her father in law, saying, By the man, whose these are, am I with child: and she said, Discern, I pray thee, whose are these, the signet, and bracelets, and staff. 38:26 And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more. 38:27 And it came to pass in the time of her travail, that, behold, twins were in her womb. 38:28 And it came to pass, when she travailed, that the one put out his hand: and the midwife took and bound upon his hand a scarlet thread, saying, This came out first. 38:29 And it came to pass, as he drew back his hand, that, behold, his brother came out: and she said, How hast thou broken forth? this breach be upon thee: therefore his name was called Pharez. 38:30 And afterward came out his brother, that had the scarlet thread upon his hand: and his name was called Zarah. Doesn't surprise me this doesn't find it's way into children's bibles and more tame adult versions.

Anyone else remember why Canaanites were cursed? Because Noah was angry that his eldest son had seen him passed out drunk and naked, so he cursed his grandson Canaan...and that's all folks. because Noah was an angry alcoholic, Er and Onan had to die.

The church I go to just preached on this. He worked around it, talking about how God has reasons for the murders, and how the daughter was shown grace after her sin. Didn't talk about how God murdering is well, murder. Or how God allowed the rest to happen anyways. They always work around the crap with tricky wording.

I was about to hang myself, but then I saw that Darkmatter2525 uploaded another video...

Joffrey would make a better God

Do vegetables have to believe in God if they want to go to Vegetable Heaven?

Hey, Darkmatter2525. I got a video or two you can do. Do one on the whole Rebellion Lucifer supposedly starts with Yahweh in Heaven. If Yahweh had destroyed Lucifer in the very beginning, Sin never would've entered the world to begin with. The serpent (aka Lucifer) never would've tempted and instigated Adam and Eve to Sin against Yahweh in the first place. Nevermind every other moment in The Bible that occurred after Lucifer's Rebellion and Fall. Also. Do a video on how Lucifer could even rebel in Heaven - a place of peace and perfection where there is no Sin and Sin cannot occur at all - in the first place. If Lucifer - the second most powerful being in all of Creation - can Sin in the place known to be the most peaceful and Sinless environment in existence, what does that mean for us mere Mortals? Can we still Sin in Heaven after we die? If Lucifer sinned in Heaven, where Sin never happens (in Yahweh's eyes, Rebellion = Sin) then does that mean we can Sin in Heaven? Make these videos for me. I'd love to see more of "Lucy". Darkmatter2525, RULES!!!

I remember that some years ago, me and some friends were in (Catholic) school and randomly selected a bible chapter to read, and this was the one. Me and my friends were absolutely terrified by it...

The message was great, but I am afraid you missed something. Tamar was accused because she was found pregnant, not because she was caught prostituting.

Dicken for chicken festival... oh my damn, I almost died from laughter.

“Oh My Me” It’s ridiculously funny!

Dickin' for chicken!!!

Thankyou for the ammunition for my crazy bible thumping family

For all you people saying Bible has no scientific value, check out 6:56 when God makes a hypothesis, then confirms it with an experiment

My question is: If God knows EVERYTHING, the end from the beginning, then... when He created the angels and made them He created one angel named Lucifer. Lucifer loved God and worshiped Him. Later, Lucifer rebelled against God. He took one-third of the angels with Him and got thrown out of Heaven and down to the Earth. Then God created man. Lucifer tempted man to sin and got him thrown out of the Garden of Eden. Now we have the situation we're in. Lucifer sinned and man sinned. However, God knew ahead of time that Lucifer would sin and that man would sin because He knows everything. Now, did He set us up or what? He set the angels up and man. We suffer and we die. Some people here suffer so much. Look at what's going on in Chicago and East St. Louis. Look at what is going on in the Middle East. Everywhere there is death and dying, not just normal dying if we assume death is normal, but terrible dying, awful stuff. So many things go through my head at times I just don't know what to do so I'm venting. Pardon my thoughts.

I would worship Jeffrey to be honest; at least he could gave cure to deathly diseases to his followers to Sell them for profit... *insert evil laugh here*

There's something about God constantly breaking down the wall to Jeffery's room in an explosive display of destruction, that's hilarious. Then I remember that he does that all throughout the bible with everything else, which is even more hilarious. I was also convinced Jefferey purposely left his halo behind as a sort of disguise, to not be associated with the heavenly host. This is now my headcanon, and cannot be changed.

Holy shit i remember when I was a christian for a very short while and was trying to give reasons for the old testament mentioning so many various atrocities and basically war crimes. It pains me to think that even 2 days after accepting christ i was already that blind to basic critical thinking and a sense of compassion and logic.

Y’know, when I was younger, I got a LEGO bible for my first communion. Anyway, I read it and it made me hate God, then I felt guilty about it. Now years later, I’m atheist

Finally, something on RU-vid actually WORTH watching... maybe.

DarkMatter never fails. Make a new episode about hurricane harvey "flooding" Joel Osteen's megachurch.

I am brazilian, i've just looked at the bible that i had searching for genesis 38 and it just skipped right to 39 without even trying to hide it.

That's some of the craziest shit I've ever heard.

Heh, it's actually not as ridiculous as it seems to us - at least when seen as history, it's obviously ridiculous for divine morality. Main thing to understand is that, especially in a tribal context (but almost in any family-based context - feudal history can tell you a lot on this) having multiple sons is a problem. Dividing the inheritence will weaken the family, likely make all sons poor, and even lead to war, so often only the oldest son inherits; younger sons have to make their own fortune. Now, if you married your heir to the daughter of another chieftain, and that son dies, that's a big problem: you just lost an alliance, and that chieftain will not be happy since in those days, marrying a widow was usually not that good a deal. So some societies have a solution: the second son will be expected to take his brother's place, including his marriage. We know the Hebrews had this practice because it's in the law (Deuteronomy 25). The story of Ruth likewise mentions the practice. So this way the family and its alliances stays intact. Important detail is that the children from that marriage are viewed not as his children, but as the heirs of his dead brother. Another common practice among nomads are visiting marriages: the wife stays with her parents, so the husband isn't around much. It may be a guess that Judah barely knew Tamar personally. So with that context, one might understand the issue: Onan refuses this duty (perhaps he had his own wife and wanted her children to become the family heirs). When he then dies as well, Judah reasonably gets afraid, probably thinking he has a black widow on his hands, and refuses to even initiate the custom. Tamar, in turn, now is in a bad situation: she has no serious marriage prospects, no children to take care of her in old age, end of the road. May well be she became a prostitute for real as women in that situation often did. When she sees Judah, she takes her chance, knowing he still has a duty to her. Which, when things turn out, he fulfills. Messy as it is... if you get the framework, it isn't such a silly story. Evidently it was relatable enough for the Israelites to keep the story. Though it is worth bearing in mind that Genesis is an origin story: much of it would seem to be a myth or legend intended to create a common identity for Israel (which itself was a merging between urban Canaanites and nomadic Hebrews divided ito many tribes, I believe). So likely this story should be seen as a legend, either as an aesop tale to impart cultural messages, or as a cultural memory of a more abstract history, for instance the common identity of the tribe of Judah from a set of smaller tribes.

Splooge

Thanks!

And all this to keep the ancestry of Joseph free of heathen blood... And then Joseph wasn't even Jesus' father... On the maternal side they kept it easier: immaculate conception of Mary, boom! She's free of sin!

"Vag Mahal"

In the book they just completely dismiss the sh*t as something so normal...and positive.

4:15 He’s doing cpr on Er’s stomach

Am obsessed with this channel. I’m showing it to all of my friends in a second. And they are all going to laugh like hell. Just like me! I’m AJ, btw. Not robert. I’ve just been using his account for years....with permission, of course: I’m no savage. Lol

Never mind the fact that the chapter makes mention of two of the patriarchs, Jacob and Joseph, who are described as existing at a time in which there were camel caravans when camels weren't domesticated for hundreds of years following. The people who wrote it had camels for enough generations, and lacked a comprehensive written history, they probably even lacked literacy. So they were ignorant of the fact that camels hadn't yet been domesticated in the period they described.

I never liked this story, or the story of Job, when I was growing up. I read the entire Bible over several times and this story always stuck out to me as fucked up.

"Er? What happened?" "I don't like his face"

5:34 "Can you do that? Boy?" Explosion.

Can God make a stone which even he cannot lift??

This was awesome, More please. We both know there are plenty more royally fucked up stories in the Abraham mythos.

can someone explain the "i guess thats what happens when your name is spelled E R" joke to me

Absolute goddamn comic genius! My favorite one so far. Obvious in-depth knowledge to pull this off. Funny as hell, heaven and the netherworlds. Please do all of this you can do. Love it!

When is your next power corrupts video

That sticky movie theater floor sound and lines like "can my swagger dagger finally pierce thy soft shell tuna taco" had me laughing until I had tears. Well done! Things like this make it well worth being a patron.

"Never has there been a time I've been more grateful to have wings" - Jefree

I tried reading the actual Bible sections that were referenced before watching this, and laghed just as much while watching this. This is the dumbest thing ever.

"Never has there been a time I've been more grateful to have wings" 😂😂😂

Yet another glorious upload worth the wait as usual from the epic Shogun Darkmatter

I don't ever want you to stop making videos, I'd go into despair. You do an amazing job of bringing awareness to all the nonsense throughout the 'good book' and for that I'm ever so grateful​ that this channel exists. XO

It is written that Dorothy Parker named her parrot 'Onan'... because he spilled his seed upon the ground.

"Do I need to shadow ban you and take away your advertising money?" lol, way to shade RU-vid.

No the most censored chapter in the bible is judged 19. I have never heard it talked about ever.

Fun part is, according to archeology and cultural studies, Hebrews are canaanites as well. Just linguistically. Hebrew, Aramean, Phoenician, Edomite, Moabite, Essenians, Amorites and Ammonites, all are closesly related and considered Canaanite semitic language

The sticky floor bits are absolutely hilarious.

Omg dark matter uploaded and it's a god and Jeffrey video! This is the best day ever

Every video you make is a goddamn masterpiece. Thanks for sharing your talent for the cause of rationality! This video was hilarious and made an interesting point.

A movie or series on Netflix about the real bible stories like this (not all that other fancy bullshit) would actually be so sick. My favs would prob be Samson & Delilah, this shit, Elisha and the bears mauling the 42 children, Joshua’s killing spree and also the sun “standing still” and loads more 🤣🤣🤣🤣

TIL knife through the brain = begin CPR.