The narcissist’s favorite person 

Being a narcissist's favorite person is traumatizing. I'm still trying to heal. I don't think I'll ever be right again.

It’s always such a relief to me to see people with poorly understood mental illnesses or stigmatized thought processes speaking for themselves, about their own lives, from their own perspective. I think there’s something really healing and radical about it. Thank you. Appreciate your work. Appreciate your words.

Narcissists want YOUR loyalty even through their abuse. But never ever will you get their loyalty. They just don’t care.

Betrayal is the ultimate wound for a Narc. They can never forgive or forget.

I tried to be there for the narc but he stabbed me in the back so many times I had to walk away. I was in a way contributing to his behavior by being there for him when he called. But after the last time of him stabbing me in my back I had to walk away for my own sanity. I don’t blame anyone put in that position that walks away. It’s exhausting and 0 out of 10 I don’t recommend.

I've been diving into attachment theory and personality types lately and it was bothering me how the narcissist is just dismissed as unreachable and not really understood. So many videos are only coming at them from a place of contempt for the destruction instead of understanding the reasoning. I appreciate these videos so much, I've had several narc relationships in my life that have been devastating, I was able to get to a point of not personalizing any of the abuse but you've helped me to see their pain in a deeper way that has been healing for me and expanded my empathy for them. Thank you.

I hope narcissistic all heal they are deserving to heal 🙏 this is a spiritual battle they have access to healing if the choose to do so!!!

FP: The person you perceive as tutor, teacher, the one has the same core of you that you know you lost since trauma. The bff and the rival. The one you listen to their perspective, guideline, advice. The one you you competitive, argue a lot. Yeah, the one go mad bc your roller coaster. The one you can open about yourself. The one let you know that each individual has their own decision, thought and inner world. The one help you take ground with reality. Crush is never equal to this lv of this person.

Thank you so much for turning your diagnosis into awareness. I know it can’t be easy, but much appreciated. The last person you spoke of, I could hear love in your tone of voice. This changed my perspective that all narcissists are not cold hearted

This kind of sounds like the cast of a sitcom...

To get what you want quickly and easily by using others requires exceptional quick thinking and knowledge, total ruthlessness and inordinate mental stability. No doubts are allowed. No desire ever to relax or feel peace and shared connections is allowed. No friends, no lovers, ever. No feelings. Power, only : tyrants, despots, warlords, oppressors do well. For a while. Until they are overturned by their closest ally. It is pretty simple to understand : if you need to "denigrate" others as a way of asserting your own position, you will provoke very significant dislike and encounter some serious push back. If you don't even notice this and go on your merry way, fine. Until someone pulls the rug from under you. But if you are capable of feeling the slightest discontent, resentment or worry when pushback happens to you, you won't feel great for very long. The constant desire for external self-affirmation will backfire. This is why narcissists who are successful are those with traits closer or identical to those of psychopaths. Narcissists do feel shame, even though it is "more of a public emotion focused on the judgment of others, rather than regretting their wrongdoings". Psychopaths, on the other hand, don't feel any remorse whatsoever when they do something bad; they simply don't care who gets hurt or how others feel about them. Every psychopath is narcissistic but not every narcissist is a psychopath (thank God!). Therefore, narcissists are limited. Narcissism is a disorder of self-esteem, as we now understand it. They are deeply insecure so they want everyone around them to feel insecure. Their defense is to drag everyone down so they can feel superior. A Swiss study "indicates that scorers in narcissism tended to go on to experience more stress in life, such as illness, accidents and relationship breakups. Based on this, the researchers at the University of Bern concluded that “narcissism is maladaptive for the individual, because narcissistic individuals generate adverse events in their lives.” I would ad adverse events in other people's lives, too. (To be self-aware is a big step. Things can only go uphill.) So, a psychopath is also someone who tends to be calculative, cunning, manipulative, exploitative but he is unable to feel anything at all, especially anxiety or any sort of vulnerability, even for an instant. Psychopaths are wired differently. No doubt that a narcissist's life involves a lot of effort, a lot of worry or negative feeling, a lot of disappointments, a lot of failures. Some people may say " so what?!" Imagine feeling deeply hurt whenever someone doesn't pay any attention to you. How awful can it get ? Most of the time, when people don't pay any attention to you, it's simply because they haven't even seen you, not because they don't like you. Experiencing frequent social and emotional pain for such things is common in narcissists.Their lives are no bed of roses. In politics, social media and celebrity culture we see some who seem to make it but we don't see what goes on behind closed doors. We don't see the ones who fail and fall by the wayside, defeated and alone. Descriptions such as "Narcissists engage in risky behavior, hold an unrealistic superior view of themselves, are over-confident, show little empathy for others, and have little shame or guilt" are correct but fail to express the totality of the narcissistic experience. It is not a pleasant one. Nameless narcissist, you have identified your needs and "grandiose" delusions about your own importance and you give a good description of your absence of "shame" - that's pretty amazing and a good thing. One sees clearly how you have used people, put them in boxes (functions) and assigned them a very clear, particular role. You actually really need some of them for what they make you FEEL. Makes sense. If you don't fully understand how to fulfill your human needs, you will appreciate learning more and more about basic human nature. Each one of us is flawed and life is hard. As you are learning, I'm sure, life without spontaneity and a little innocence and blind trust is terribly repetitive, tiring and complicated. Wanting stuff all the time leads to frustration. Scheming, conniving, calculating all the time is exhausting and yields little gain unless you are Machiavel in person. Fearing to be unrecognized as a super superior person is the surest way to hell because geniuses and saints go ignored or mistreated all the time. One must be so vigilant all the time. You can only end up being in quasi constant fear of disappointment, injury or collapse. That's no way to live. One could think that trampling over others and leaving a trail of emotional damage around you - while remaining insulated against feeling bad about yourself, would be a great advantage in life. It would except that life happens and those narcissists who succeed are few and far in between. Your videos are full of content. Thank you. Cheers, mate, from Paris, France.

I think what you're trying to say is don't abuse someone who's in a vulnerable state. Yes, that's wrong. Set strong boundaries. Advise a therapist or mental health clinic, at least a twelve step, and get out of the way. As for you, use your competiveness as a way towards growth. Strive to be better.

I thought that last bit of testimonial so moving, carry on, you are doing such a great job at understanding yourself and healing. Narcs are people too. It’s a piece of you, a big one but there are some other parts that are growing through this process. I am sure you are inspiring many silent Narcs out there, to start explaining their experience so that we can all become more educated and understanding. You were victims before being seen as perpetrators because of the defenses you created. It’s a shit deck of cards to be handed. Doing these videos must be disconcerting to say the least but Wow, it’s such a step towards a more integrated you.

For BPD its Loyalty over everything.

This below the surface explanation brings a lot of clarity in how you view and navigate your relationships.

[ this is the 2nd part out of 3 of my preceding comment. Sorry, really too long, won't do it again, promise!] For vulnerable narcissists or less self-assured narcissists, resentment at just anything that doesn't happen the way they wish eventually becomes huge and invading (like the notification sound of your computer, you know?). They get irritated, annoyed. Control is a big issue. Depression and feelings of anxiety slow them down. It is logical to think that when one attributes great importance to external factors, one will be distracted, annoyed and angry often. Non-stop, sometimes. What happens is that you realize you don't control much. That's a problem when you count on control to be happy and get what you want. You feel at the mercy of "something" most of the time. You experience moments of triumph and relief when someone or something comes through for you but this is like playing roulette : exhilarating at first but it gets old, very quickly... Willing others into making you FEEL good and help you attain your most important goals simply means total DEPENDENCY on others : you are their slave. Either you accept that or you don't, but you can't have it both ways. It's like being dry and wet at the same time; just can't happen. If others are to be and do what you want, that means that you have to make them. Therefore, you depend on them. You are not free and even if you control their behavior, you can't control it 100%, especially with no effort. Good, caring humans all have some narcissistic traits in them which will cause them to defend themselves in order to survive and thrive, if possible. They too can lie, deceive, betray, underperform and change their mind. If you hook up with people who are easy targets of narcissists because they carry trauma and vulnerabilities and believe in saving others from their darkness, you get it easy at first but in the long run, you will hurt them so much that you won't get what you want out of them. You can't beat a dead horse. Sometimes, the sensitive, loving, open, trauma ridden will outsmart the narcissist and overpower him or her too, because there is nothing as powerful and determined as the sudden wrath of innocence betrayed, once their eyes are open. They will hunt you down to the end of the world. You can delude yourself all you want into thinking that you are manipulating them like puppets, you are only half-right: you are their obligés and puppet too. Therefore, how could you not become defensive, and how could you not scan for hostile behavior or betrayal or underperformance all the time? This is a narcissistic way to live that is pretty horrifying and risky and you probably sense that, deep down. If, at the same time, you feel you have no other choice but are convinced that this is all you've got, you are in for a lot of stress, huge disappointments and a very bitter end. Having to control what people think, feel, and do for you all the time is a lot of work and very hypothetical. One is better off taking responsibility and getting what one needs by working with whatever he's got inside. Wanting more that one is capable of attaining is very dangerous. Relying on pretense and manipulation is even more dangerous. For example, I know narcissists who have spent their lives getting their spouses, family and friends to earn the money they needed : it was huge work for them, my goodness. It involved endless manipulations, moments of short-lived triumphs, fits of rage, moments of collapse and endless dissatisfaction as it required an enormous amount of coaxing, pretending, lying, faking, bullying, paranoia and all that for results that were not that grandiose. They had to stay on top of things 24/7. It's a full-time job. Sure, some succeeded in acquiring important material possessions -- they led their victims to grief or suicide without taking any responsibility but they are not fulfilled, peaceful and enjoying what they've got in the least. They are not to be envied simply because, even though they have won the war and have gotten rid of the fear of lacking, they reign in the ruins of a battlefield no one wants to get even near. They KNOW who they are and can think only of one thing : they should have had much more, they were victims and it's everyone else's fault ! People around them know also who they are, by now. They may not show it, but they know. Aging narcissists are never admired or deeply loved. Now they have to buy people since their charm is long gone. They are hated, or feared for their remaining capacity for malevolence or tolerated for what they will leave behind...or out of a minimal sense of duty. The ego has nothing to feel ecstatic about. Those narcissists were all intelligent, capable and healthy enough to go out and earn the money themselves, with just regular challenges and without having to destroy anybody. But no, no way. They seem to have been convinced that manipulating others into doing it for them, while at the same time claiming loud and clear that they were doing it all by themselves, was all that they could do. Once the dust settles, it is clear to see. Foolishness, pain, misery and time wasted. Their apparent supreme goal was to prove that they were entitled to being offered the best of everything on a silver platter without having to lift a finger. How strange. That's not how life works, anywhere. Not for bees, not for wolves, not for people. Even kings and queens have it rough, have to work extra hard and endure all kinds of misfortunes and disappointments. The platter is rarely in silver and effort is always required. Well, if it were possible that ordinary people could get anything they wanted by just lying and using others, we would know about it by now, wouldn't we ?! [ for those who want to read on, please see 3 rd comment.] If not, cheerios!

Yes,I call them circles around me,like i can visualize,and where each person belongs to. I am also NPD. Great idea of topic.

For me it's the confidante/the person understands me, the person who is like me, the person who confides in me, and the person who is the person I want to be or the person who can make me feel like I'm the person I want to be, and the person who regulates my self esteem, the close special person.I hope you found this comment interesting❤

With my bpd favorite person, I think of it as anyone who will allow me to use them emotionally and inevitably make it one sided. I have back up favorite people that I haven't fully let see me totally vulnerable yet, but they think they have. And I'm very emotionally supportive of my back ups, because I don't fully need them. I dont think of them as better or worse than the other, but more who is more likely to take care of me completely and not leave me. When one is done I instantly have a new one, without really missing the old one much :( although my favorite persons last years. None of this was conscious or planned out until therapy. When I found out I do this I felt like shit. I'm glad your posting about this , it reduces people's shame. It appears to me that narcissists seem to use a whole friend group as supply in a way that kind of looks like my favorite persons.

That sounds way too fucking much like the dynamic of the borderline and their favourite person, or at least how I experience mine

Jacob, this was a really interesting listen. Thank you for being open about your “characters” or designated spots to the people around you. I would be really be interested in hearing more about what you mention at 2:00 minutes in… the person the narcissist admires but cannot talk to. Please talk more about this ♥️

UNDERSTANDING SOMEONES HUMAN MIND WITHOUT JUDGEMENT AND AT THE SAME TIME CAN SPEAK TO THEIR SOUL IS ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL CONNECTIONS OF LOVE THAT WILL ONLY HAPPEN ONCE IN A LIFETIME.

I was in that position,they will turn on you and throw you under the bus!!

I’ve been that person and it is draining, I’m the closest friend ( ex spouse ). we know each other so well. It is exhausting.. and a full time job . It’s like having an adult child honestly. No matter what I understand and don’t always like or agree with.

I hope I’m my current narc’s person that can help them. I’ve prayed about it a lot & I do have hope for him. I can see the potential in him & can encourage him to get help but know I can’t do it for him. I’m trying to heal myself of my bpd & also going to school for counseling. I’ve applied a lot of what I’ve learned in counseling & how I’ve let God heal me to our relationship. To be clear, we’re not in a relationship & will never be. But I do have a soft spot for him while at the same time hold him accountable & hold boundaries with him. I can also see things from his perspective since I’m also a cluster B. Sometimes I do want to hurt him bc I know I can & he’s hurt me deeply but ultimately that’s not who I am as a person or who I want to be. I’m a healer at heart. If I did hurt him, idk what I’d do with myself.

Maybe you've projected how you wish your parents are onto the person you compete with but also have respect for? Super interesting and love how open you are!

I'm the solution seeker The one that fixes everything, does everything, & more. I set clear boundaries which get violated frequently. I finally set up consequences for those violations and now she is respecting me more. She punishes me for not being able to read her mind. she hates me but she needs me.

Well said at the end. I've taken that advice. Thank you!

Thank you for the last part. Made me look at my situation a lil differently.

I"m going to need to really think about this for a while. thank you.

I’ve been binge watching your videos. Keep up the content! 💪🏾🔥💯

It’s awesome that you can talk about this my man. You’re a huge help thank you bro!

really appreciate your insights and testimony 🙂

Thank you so much for sharing! The mind of a self-aware narcissist is fascinating. I hope you find peace and happiness.

HOLY SHIT! Have watched a few of your videos, learned so much! Appears self worth is the core issue (not a clinician myself), just raised by a narcissist (so yes have my own issues to deal with) and "the favorite" in a long term relationship. You guys ARE TRULY VERY INTELLIGENT people, it's the unresolved hurt (or other pain/issues) inside of you guys that I see. Please know competition is health until a certain age, need to evolve/mature to cooperation (and that is difficult for even "neuotypical type people" especially in this over tech world). Just try and be less self absorbed (not a martyr). PS. Found that being on hikes or out in nature has appeared tremendously to have helped my long-term narcissist friend alot (their admission, as hard as I know it was for him to share that vulnerability (admission). Keep up the good work, and thanks for letting us see into your world/struggles, we all have things we can improve about ourselves (you really are not alone)! ❤

Really enjoying your content, thank you Jacob ❤

You look sad. I'm sorry for you. I do believe you can change. May you find blessings in Him. Shalom

All narcs have same kind of eyes

It’s contradictory because you trained the protégé, but when they learned what you were trying to teach them, you devalued them. A healthy person would be proud of a protége’s success.

I'm from Brazil and I saw your interview on Canal da Taryana Rocha and it helped me a lot to understand how the Narcissist's mind works. Since I was a victim of one for 7 years. I left the relationship 5 months ago and I'm still in a delicate mental moment. Understanding more helps with healing. Thanks.

Thank you for your video. Good of you to share about your narcissism and be honest. Thank you for sharing your personal problems it's been interesting listening and helps with my studying. I hope you have a good happy future and continue putting the work into yourself 😊

I am loving this channel. I love discovering what makes people tick and you’ve been so helpful in my understanding of narcissism. Your ability to self reflect is surprising. At times I’ve questioned myself in thinking my husband is a narc because sometimes he can self reflect (it’s rare and pretty shallow though)

Thank you for sharing your own thoughts. It will help us heal through giving us info on how your mind works. 👍

I respect how transparent and reflective you are being. Thank you for sharing

Thank you so much for this video! I just recently began to understand that the guy I dated for a little more than a year (I´m still occasionally in touch with him) is a narcissist. The way you describe your relationship with the people close to you is so similar to his way of relating to people. I´m truly fascinated by this personality disorder.

Wow! Such a great message! Thanks a million! It means a lot, that you give me so much insight with your videos. ❤ Many greetings from Germany. 🤗

Your videos are so interesting, thank you so much for spreading awareness.

Concerning that last person, you're right, it is a responsibility. If he knows you well enough to know what he's dealing w/ and there's a disordered person w/ huge trust issues, then he knows he (or she) is dealing w/ precious cargo.

Thank you for being so vulnerable ... That is an admirable trait to have 🎀

So I don't know how much this story will matter or not, but here goes. I teach at a youth facility. The kids get arrested, the courts place them here after the trial. I get a new kid with face tattoos, he looks like this is going to be the norm for him at first appearance. He got into it with another youth, security staff got involved. So here is the important part. The kid started to cry. I wanted to make sure the kid was alright, but also I was relieved because it's like oh good, this kid is human. I can try and connect with this kid, maybe he'll let me help him instead of being an adversary. What I didn't see was weakness or anything worthy of contempt. The people that won't ever show that emotion are the ones that are more likely to be combative and adversarial. These are the ones that I see weakness in because often times they are prone to self destructive behaviors they can't see or break.

Thank you, nameless narcissist ! This is so telling and helpful as you show us your intimate, reasoning process. You analyze yourself well and I can tell you that this is useful for those of us who need to really understand the meanders of your type of functioning. Allow me to say that the fact you have come to a sort of dead end at some point is a very good sign: you have it in you to change what needs to be changed, and to be a lot happier ! Self-awareness is not easily accessible, to say the least : good for you. If I may, I would suggest that exploring "Existential Therapy" could give you a formidable edge in order to turn around some of the false beliefs that might have driven you about life's deep meaning and about what truly satisfies humans -- that stuff that goes way beyond obvious needs and wants. All humans are mistaken about one thing or another and we all learn as we go : it's human! Knowing yourself, as you are discovering, is a painful and long process but it yields incredible rewards. If you were to put your ingenious and agile mind to work deeply on that, God knows what you could attain. You have just described why most narcissists cannot be happy or succeed at feeling satisfied : they spend every second of their time attempting to control things, people AND their own feelings and emotions at the same time. That says it all : it's an impossible task. It is doomed to fail. This endeavor may be successful in the short term, but no more. If everything you feel and want depends on something totally outside of yourself, say on somebody else's reactions, actions or feelings, man, you're in trouble, aren't you ? I’ll share some of my own findings for anyone who is interested and stumbles on this, as I have been studying and researching various types of narcissism in depth. Personal encounters have taught me a lot. Otherwise, stop here! 🤪 If anyone relies solely on external objects to feel this and that way about himself or herself (on people, events, things, ideas), it's probably because they don't know any better or feel absolutely compelled, otherwise they wouldn't do it. Therefore, there is plenty of room to learn and redirect our intelligence and energy force. Psychopaths can get away with self- serving "narcissistic" behavior because they are “superhypernarcissists” with a TWIST. They are very different : they don't need to control their own EMOTIONS -- they have NONE, or they can turn them off at will. Now, this is an entirely different ballgame. They are wired differently from calculating narcissists or other calculating humans, for that matter. Their façade and methods are the same as narcissists, but they are charming and calculating MACHINES. They don't need to feel good about themselves or have any connection with anyone. They let the chips fall wherever they may and move on untouched, unworried, devoid of rumination. To put it simply, they are not plagued by self-questioning or self-esteem ups and downs. Also, there are different dimensions of narcissism and the emotional outcome completely depends on which CATEGORY you fall into : if you fall into the category that is labeled "vulnerable" narcissism for lack of a better word - meaning sensitive to doubt, prey to low self-worth behind a false-self, and very dependent on others' admiration, involvement and blind loyalty - feeling happy and content can quickly evade you. Some narcissists are winners in education, work and romance because their self-centeredness and feeling of superiority is such that it makes them very self-confident and very persistent: they truly believe that they are more and deserve more. If one adds to that a satisfied disdain for moral values, especially socially oriented rules of conduct, and on top of that an innate ability to fake whenever necessary good will and good faith, one can anticipate some degree of success. Why ? Besides the obvious advantage there is in life of always feeling good about ourselves and of having the capacity to work extremely hard, the fact that scruples (or feelings of understanding and sharing with others) hardly exist or don't interfere with our single-minded selfish decisions and behaviors makes it a lot easier to move on through life, obviously ! This isn't new or surprising but perfectly logical. These individuals's egotistical behavior is known to be very damaging for society in general, but not to themselves. As a matter of fact, it is the antithesis of good societal conduct since lack of interest for the global Good, callousness and dishonesty at the individual level leads to the destruction of society's fabric which is based on good faith cooperation and healthy competition. We can be sure that absolute self-love and satisfaction, lack of awareness and care for others' feelings cannot be eternal. Life has a way of throwing at you stuff you don't want, no matter what. Those narcissists may not obtain a sense of deep fulfillment, belonging or connecting but as long as they have what they need -- status, success at work, material means that entice others to be with them, they can feel pretty satisfied as long as they don't encounter serious mishaps or setbacks. They are characterized by "high levels of resilience and determination" but are likely to crumble at the first indication that they are not as great as they think they are. In all the studies that were conducted, narcissistic students were "not cleverer, but were more confident and assertive and were able to overtake students who otherwise would have more ability", for example. Studies show that they are not more intelligent than other people but they are more CONFIDENT AND DRIVEN. They are highly opportunistic and single-minded. Spectacularly, they can therefore perform better than very high IQ Gifted or deeply Gifted people for one very simple reason : they focus on one goal and ignore anything that could distract them from their single-mindedness. They always assume that they are better than anyone else. In contrast, gifted children and adults are motivated by a keen sense of the world outside themselves as they perceive it with heightened senses and more complex neuronal paths than neuro-typical brains, which connect with all parts of the brain at the same time -- left, right, limbic etc. They tend to be extremely empathetic and altruistic because they detect, understand and feel inside exactly what others go through : hence they are also very interested in what is outside of themselves and what happens to others. They are given to self-doubt because they are hard on themselves and deep existential thinking. They are not as interested in extrinsic rewards like money or fame or winning as others, but very driven by intrinsic values, like the sense of justice and fairness, the need to feel completely aligned with their inner self and the meaning of life, death and transcendence. On the other hand, very strong "grandiose" narcissists who fall at the extreme end of the spectrum of narcissism have a single - minded, unique, huge, visceral obsession with themselves only in regard to status and power and not much else. They never doubt their over-inflated sense of importance. They don't need to feel loved, truly admired or supported or connected : they only demand the APPEARANCE of loyalty or submissiveness because the result is all that counts. In other words, they are blindingly self-sufficient and unaware of the overall picture. They see themselves as Gods. They have no idea how it feels to be thinking about the value of selflessness, magnanimity, self-denying, benevolence or philanthropy. They know those exist, mock them and use them. In a sense, this describes someone who is not quite "human", since we commonly describe humans as being characterized by their ability to be self, SELF-CONSCIOUS and CONSCIOUS beings. Hence, guilt, shame, emotional intelligence, empathy and deeply felt joy or serenity (which is a consequence of consciousness and emotional intelligence) are not available to them. Their behavior is simple, one dimensional and efficient. They use fear to control and fake charm to attract. Other narcissists, the vast majority, tend to want at least some kind of connection, meaning and re-assurance : one could say they want their cake and eat it too ? They are ambivalent and that's a lot more complicated. Those run- of- the- mill narcissists create havoc and hurt people too. They cause confusion or agonizing feelings of self-doubt in their entourage as they fake interest, then feel some attachment, and know how to elicit it. They are obsessed with how they feel and what they want, unable to perceive the world as something bigger than themselves. They calculate, they manipulate, they devaluate, and start over again, just like full-blown grandiose narcissists, and feel little or no remorse either ( little is a lot, though) BUT fear of failure, low self- esteem, impatience, uneasiness around other's suffering and shame is never very far underneath. Let's say that their layers of pretense and their fear of failing aren't thick enough and that they are aware of what is going on around them. In other words, they doubt themselves.This leads to ever-increasing resentment against anyone or anything that doesn't behave just right because then, they feel that they are being made to feel bad by others. They experience hot anger, rage, desires for revenge, envy : all very unpleasant feelings to have, not conducive to feeling terrific and victorious. Full-blown grandiose rather than vulnerable narcissists experience cold hate instead. They will get back at you swiftly and mercilessly but won't spend too much time on it: they have nothing to prove to themselves or anyone else. You are just an insect they need to crush in passing. [This is way too long, sorry. The end in following comment...]

I think "chosen person" is more of an aspd thing, special person is more of an npd thing because they are idealized and regarded as special.

Well played 👏🏻👍🏻🤜🏻🤛🏻👌🏻 !!! Very clever of you!!!

Enjoying your channels. I have been off for some years but I am really enjoying the content of your channel.

The ones highest on the hierarchy are those that be can give them what they want. Or, is it the person they want to be but can't. Ever. ?

Watching this crying. Man your videos are better than anything out there. I’m that last friend to my my narcissist “bff”. Pretty sure I’m one too. But no matter how many people tell me to dump him. I refuse. I love him. He’s not evil. Yeah. It’s rough being friends with him and awful and amazing. And I’m never giving up on him.

The story of the two wolves An old Cherokee Indian chief was teaching his grandson about life. He said, "A fight is going on inside me," he told the young boy, "a fight between two wolves. The Dark one is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The Light Wolf is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you grandson…and inside of every other person on the face of this earth.” The grandson ponders this for a moment and then asked, "Grandfather, which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee smiled and simply said, "The one you feed".

I'll take "Shit I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy" for $800, Alex.

I am a dark empath but i behave like this with one person you termed as a sidekick. I don't have a lot of emotions but I am most loyal to this person cuz he has proved his loyalty to me over more than 10 years. He doesn't approve of my actions but he has never betrayed me. So I really care as much as a person like me can about just this one person.

So interesting to hear that this person can be emotionally withholding and remain within the narc's circle, I would think they wouldn't want that

Thank you for this video

Dude narcissist DO NOT HAVE LIMITLESS LOYALTY😂😂😂😂

Wow, thank you for your honesty, Jacob! It was eye-opening. Empaths see this world in an absolutely different way. Honestly as an empath, I still don't understand why narcissists need to be better than everyone else. For example, I do know a lot of people are better than I am in lots & lots of spheres. SO WHAT????????? I don't have a problem about it. I can be better at something than other people are. Other people can be better at something else than I am. But why do I have to worry that someone is better than I am at something??? I still don't understand that. This is how empaths usually see it. And I never wanted to become popular. I just don't need it. This is honest! I just need to be good at my trade. That's it. I feel uncomfortable when I'm at the centre of attention. This is how many empaths see this world. Thank you for your honesty, Jacob. It was eye-opening

My ex used to call me her "Favorite" person. Extremely manipulative woman, lots of betrayal, lots of cheating, lots of ups and downs and meaningless small fights. Lasted a year. On the other hand, i'm pretty sure I have something wrong with me too, as I was similar in different ways. I'm certain she has NPD Traits if not full NPD. I'm definitely thinking I may have NPD or other traits in some other disorder, i'm not even sure anymore.

The more you think and talk the smarter you get!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Sounds like you’re asking to be loved. Are you an empath magnet? I’m new to this channel. You’ve already given me some insight into my own behavior. I thank you.

Thank you sir you make it so easy for me!!!

A friend who I let stay with me told me I was his favorite person. Whenever I left the house, he would call In people to haul off my stuff!

I am highly intuitive and there have been various expressions of sincerity in this talk. I’m more inclined by your gestures and talk that your personality is more shaped by being raised by narcissists.

your videos are addictingly interesting.

I think I was the sidekick to a narcissist, but had to leave the relationship when the abuse patterns became apparent, would it be possible that the narcissist does mild abuse to the sidekick when in social groups to assist dominance?

Good channel!

“Favorite person” is the indicative trait of the Borderline, my friend! 🦋

Aye! You have off your shades! Nice to meet you 😁

There side kicks are us 😂

12:50 onwards I relate with kinda, I hold so much admiration for this person and as much as I question everybody else's opinions, I don't question theirs, yet I'm at a thing where I have to be better than them and downplay everything they do, which sounds f*cked up but it makes me feel better about myself. I can compliment this person but with no actual meaning with it, everything i say just feels fake, but at the same time I can't let this person go and won't. I do the most vile things to this person when i feel like im being judged, yet always manage to stop them from leaving me and finding a way to blame them and they end up believing its their fault. I was in denial for so long, but it's 100% manipulation, but i can't stop. But one thing that's different with this favourite person is my loyalty. I realised in past relationships i wouldn't cheat but i wouldn't be as loyal but it was because i was betrayed. When my favourite person betrays me it feels like the end of the world, but will never let anyone see that. I ended up doing cruel things out of spite, yet with this person i've been 100% loyal. Maybe it's because i might be obsessed but i doubt it, it's probably because i know exactly how to hurt this person and really send them into a spiral. I don't really feel bad about it because I'm not thinking about anyone's feelings while I'm saying certain things, I just see a goal and push everyone away until I get there, and only until after I've achieved my goal I then realise what I left behind. But I genuinely cannot feel any sympathy for them no matter how much I want to, I just feel like every emotion I give is completely fake and I just want to be able to give someone 100%. I'm constantly judging people to hide my own insecurities about being judged but I can never show that weakness to anyone. Hell, even made a whole fake account to comment here so no one will know who I am, regardless I don't care if anyone thinks I'm an a**hole, It's the 21st century, life's hard, wear a helmet. People get hurt all the time.

Nice video setup! That first minute was great I already decided I was listening all the way through to the end... Maybe that's a formula you can use... A lot of cheesy lollipops at the end of the video aren't enough to keep me going and they're obviously bids for getting the numbers they want as opposed to really helping. I didn't get that feeling the way you set this up at all. I felt like a good teacher would set it up The main lesson is going to be taught first by outlining everything else that makes up the entire setup and then the final piece will be revealed right there once you've got some understanding under your belt... Nice job

Do you think a person that loves a narcissist should be treated like scum -worthless -void of being seen as anything but dirt and destroyed Your a powerful man with a great heart looks and smarts and have a great channel Help others not to trash each other and learn to love

5:05 "they end up better than me" ...oh that smirk .... of disgust! You really don't like it when that happens😬

They are your "flying monkies,"minions, and assigned players that are necessary to ensure your victory of the subzero game they are forced to engage in, which is the subzero game that you confuse with life.

HG Tudor is the most interesting, informative narcissist.

Thanks so much, greetings from Germany

He was always "behaved" when he was with me. 10 years and as soon as he left me at 60 yrs old, he went back to single crack life & got so many traffic violations and even domestics. Took my pills...lol

and now, here we are actually virtually capturing our "friends" in our box under our desk or that machine we carry around in our pockets. "I'd like to put you in my pocket and take you home" became our collective reality. The majority of our friendships and relays can be dominated by segmenting fractional and a construct for all intents and purposes. The conquest is to maintain a heart soul conection with Everybody you ever meet. because it's a great equalzer and you then dont have to keep track of all the files. what is abnormal thinking?

Is someone better than them so they have someone to tear down !

Yes my ex does this and he calls his group “the crew”

My best friend is my favorite person. I’ve had the same best friend my entire life. I’m not diagnosed but I believe I may have ASPD slightly. My favorite person is diagnosed Borderline, so we definitely have some explosive episodes but she feels accepted by me and vice versa.

You described in 5 what I call the rival

I feel like I was the favorite person but also the partner and I felt the admiration but also like he was always trying to get my praise and be better than me. It was exhausting. I wasn’t withholding I was truthful. I felt the responsibility heavily and I ultimately failed. Resentment and denial can have unforeseen consequences.

I relate to having a favorite person but never how people describe for me it’s they satisfy a particular need I have as well as I think they can teach me and that they’re a worthy teacher and a high status individual because well they satisfy one of my needs so early on in the relationship and that becomes addictive and I’m constantly trying to get them to fill that need

Can you do a part 2 on this topic?

The person my narc’s most loyal to is his mother and a weird friendship with one of his colleagues.

It’s gotta stop , the hurting , why , I understand your words and everything you say But I hurt

Anger management 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽💯💯💯🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Thanks but no thanks. Been there, done that. No contact forever

I subcribed ❤

I think Tessa said something similar about the roles of her friends...

Side kick right here til I became more empowered and ticked her off and got the discard. Even though I was hurt so many times by her over years and years, possibly she still thinks I betrayed her

The last role sounds like a rival. :P

I recently cut off the narcissist in my life. I am his chosen one and he didn't appreciate it.