The Narcissists Matrix. 

Signed my divorce paperwork today. Narcissistic personality disorder is a nightmare.

The utter lack of empathy is demonic

It’s grandiose, in my opinion, because they never validate your reality which is maddening, it sucks you in. That’s the con, giving them your time, trying to prove your truth. Don’t do it, just walk away. It doesn’t matter what other people see or think, you know your truth and that’s all that matters. Focus on yourself and take your power back

Richard...I did it. I made it. I inhaled yours and Sam's intense seminars over and over until your voices overrode his. It's so beautiful here. My world exploded with color after I did the blood & guts grieving. You're so right. The scared little girl in me clung to his nothingness. Everyone, you have to believe that time will fade the brain's memory of this person. Go no contact. You WILL go insane while your body screams. Then it will be over one day. The only way you'll know is because You're finally experiencing peace, forgiveness, and a first time love of yourself. I never had this, and now that I do, I won't let go of myself again.

They certainly match the personality of a cult leader. The gaslighting, emotional and psychological abuse, the need to manipulate to the extreme.. I definitely experienced this with my ex and it certainly like leaving a cult when I left. I literally had to flee

I am speechless. This is the most accurate description/ discussion I have encountered in the 10+ years I have been studying this personality disorder.

My mother is a narcissist. Repeatedly beat me to a pulp as a child and constantly shamed me. As an adult I have fantasized about getting revenge on her but finally decided to let this delusion go. I refuse to lower myself to the level of the narcissist. I prefer to grow beyond the scars of childhood.

The irony is the ONLY power they have is the power we assign to them. Their savant skill though is the ability to create that perfect fake person tailored just for us. The last one I crossed paths with literally SAID very early on “I can be anything you want me to be” 😳 yeah, guess that was a big red flag 🙄🤦‍♀️🤔😂

As always brilliant! These people are delusional. It is totally distorted thinking. This needs to be taught in schools. Thank you Richard.

The false reality. I call it "going down the rabbit hole." Once you realize they exist in a false reality you begin to understand that they CANNOT be made to see how destructive their behavior is. Once I realized that, I was free to move on.

My fiancee abandoned me when I was unable to keep up with them anymore. I blamed myself so much for everything, I believed everything they said as to why they were leaving. I am currently realizing how lucky I actually was. I became quite delusional around them, chasing get-rich-quick schemes and thinking I could be a famous writer or musician, then I became very depressed around them, and essentially shut down. That is when they left. I am realizing now that they were a textbook narcissist. I wonder if my depressive state was sort of a survival tactic to force this person away. Once they identified that I was no longer a source of validation and supply for their delusions, they abandoned me. They check almost all the boxes in this video. Now I have to fight twice as hard as I did before they were in my life to get to a point of even just stability. But I am finally realizing what they were, why they came into my life, and why they left. Progress.

Richard - I found you on Quora several years ago and reading your content and the comments - I realized I was not the only soul to experience narcissistic abuse and I did not even know what that was. I am not overstating when I say your words helped me turn around and FINALLY get through the most horrific part of life. I am eternally grateful for your work. I am sure there are many people like me who feel the same way. I wish you all good things and truly THANK YOU.

Oh man! @ 9:24. This explains so much. The shell. They don't see themselves for what they do but how they want to see themselves.

The haunted house analogy really nailed it.

The relationship “dance” engaged me from childhood onward. In 2014, I began EMDR trauma therapy and researched NPD by watching videos like yours, at almost 72. I planned my way out by 74.5 am have been no contact for 5.5 years. Healing has been challenging work. Accepting the truth of my part in the relationship with all the men in my life, starting with my father, has been the most helpful. Emotional literacy, choosing my values and learning to place boundaries, are essential. Thank you for your rational approach to healing.

I had to deal with narcissists in all life related conections, mother, sister, chefs, coworkers, workers, friend, colleague, boyfriend...they used, abused and destroyed me despite a fact I'm educated ( I am nurse and doctor in one person ). Result was my deep depression. I used books and channels to help myself with success, the best help I got from narcdaily.

I had no awareness of narcissism till roughly 2019 .My brothers ex wife mentioned him being a narcissist .It was a complete revelation to me ,I realised I had been surrounded by narcissist all my life .It’s scary when you discover the abuse.

This is so powerful! When I realized the narrative about my narcissistic partner started and ended with my perception of him, my true healing began.

I was there with you in 2013. Your work changed the trajectory of my life ♥️

So helpful! The way I always described my father (a textbook NPD and maybe a little psychopathic) is that there is nobody home. There's nobody to connect with. It doesn't matter what you say or do, his response will always be nonsensical. The explanation that NPD requires a level of delusion nearly to the point of psychosis to function and that their sense of self is mushy or like a ghost makes so much sense to me. I feel like I can see the situation much clearer now. Also, fck that guy.

I have questioned every mask slip intellectually and got word salad “so he said to me, you have the power to end me”. During his setting up the discard said to me , “ you’re too smart”. Pin popping a balloon 🎈📍

Leaving the shared fantasy felt like abandoning a vulnerable child in both myself and my ex. It became harder to save myself as the erosion of the fantasy (shared idealisation) exposed both to the original trauma. It began to feel like the original threat of annihilation and then the desire for annihilation (suicide/ homicide) where leaving meant someone would die. It was terrifying and it was a wake up call. Your description enables me to move on from the part I played in trying to carry a boulder on my shoulders.

This is such good content! My Dad (vulnerable narcissist) went into full psychosis when my brother and I finally woke up, confronted him (couldn’t take any responsibility) and left. Was in a full distorted reality for awhile (believing he was born again Joseph here to save human consciousness). Freeing to break out of the fantasy world. Thank you!

Yes, I can see what has happened in my whole marriage now. My daughter is much happier and confident without living with her narc dad and grandmother.

By listening to you and dr Sam Valknin. I realize that I was equally responsible for where I am. Wanted to blame the ex narc but he couldn’t do it unless I allowed him to do it. Which I thank you for. This has allowed me to let go of the anger and hate of “what has been done to me”. I have a role in this and finally after 18 Mos can let go of the anger / hate. And to start working on getting myself back. Whatever my true self is now - not what I used to believe my true self was. Struggled because I could not get previous self was. I now realize I need to reinvent myself. Totally different way of thinking and I understand that. I can never be what I used to be. But I need to decide what I want to be and have the courage and determination to become a better real me. I finally get it! ❤️. Thank you so much!

Dude.... I was under this spell from a narcissist wife..... It was a F@#$%^& nightmare.... still is as she want s to continue to control and manipulate me, but I walked out on that Biatch now the hovering starts.... Poor souls.... We need to start a movement that actually imprison these narcissists or stiffen law to protect their victims from them because they are destroying people knowingly while the victim don't know what hit them and mostly just follow these criminals blindly.

I used to find Sam a fascinating case study. After a while I could no longer take him. But, I did learn a lot studying him.

My ex narc was a big bragger. He talked about himself in epic proportions. He played the biggest victim EVER! He is truly an extremely weak, delusional coward. Scared of his own shadow. Failure to thrive in every facet of his life. It's actual craziness. So glad I am out of that craziness!

Thank you. I’m at a point of my healing journey where I can really understand what you’re saying in this video. Today I also am absolutely aware that I had CPTSD BEFORE I met my narcissistic ex. I was isolated and weak already. In a way I am thankful for having been brought to my very bottom by being sucked into this “relationship” with him that I didn’t seem to get out of again, because it allowed me to learn about CPTSD and how to recover from it. You’re very smart with what you’re saying, and your videos have helped me a lot over the last few years.

Thank you! I'm am highly empathic with no children and no family, talk about a narc magnet (now much more self aware and getting educated). I'm in the planning stage of leaving the narc situationship. I was ignorant for 20 years, now I know. You are helping a great deal!

I tell everyone to listen to this channel! 😀

When you are the youngest and smallest in a family full of personality disordered individuals it's impossible not to see them as more powerful than yourself, and to end up demonising them and giving them false power thereby.

As someone diagnosed with NPD, I confirm and endorse this interpretation of the disorder - really gives it a fair shake, especially the emphasis on the delusional aspect. No true Narcissist understands all of the harm they can cause - we can't see the forest for the trees. Anyone who understands and does it anyways is deeeep into antisocial psychosis. Thanks Richard 👍

Or they have two religious parents who (as well as the Church) at the same time teach them you are a child of God, you have worth, you are important, you have a purpose....but then smash them into walls for every little mistake they make. That's like you are important and loved but then you are complittly worthless at the same time. Great technique for braking a child into a narcissist.😔

They do have that self adulation always telling themselves and everyone around them how ‘great’ they are. With a self belief that is totally impenetrable. My partner would also, (if you are honest with them) about who they are) manipulate people into feeling sorry for them, suggesting YOU are the ‘nothing’ who is the real idiot not to see how truly amazing they are, when there is nothing to feel sorry for them for, saying you are nasty and vile, calling them out, he would even say he felt sorry for me that my lack of insight, delusional mental health, just no longer allowed me to see who he is. (It isn’t cruel, it’s truth telling, they are the blind, ruthless and cold manipulators of the truth). I got to the point that being honest was protecting my sanity. I got to the point that I couldn’t stand being around new audiences with him, because he would dominate the conversation dominate the topic, and this self absorbed, egotistical, arrogance was not just boring but irritating, in fact I find it hard being around anyone who is like that now, I very quickly have to move away from these people. Sometimes I wonder, maybe I’m the narcissist now lol. I feel if they are self serving, I don’t have a place for them in my life. I see it as self protection, but I can see how I might look like a narcissist now. I have gone from caring too much about some people to not wanting to care very much at all 🙋‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Between you and Jerry Wise I finally see clearly what was my childhood upbringing and my soon to be ex husband. 50 years spent in narcissistic abusive environments. The matrix is real and they are living a delusion. It’s truly scary. Slowly I am learning who I really am- not who I was in their matrix. SICK WORLD WE LIVE IN.

I have a friend who is angry at their narcissist friend for his lconfabulations and bad treatment and is constantly calling him out which only gives him fuel. I have been trying to explain that he is insane trying to get through to him and needs to realise his friend is an avatar and doesn't exist he can only do one thing which is be a grey rock

Couldn't agree with you more. Took me a long time away from my narc husband and his entire family of enablers to realise this simple fact. He's delusional and insane. He actually believes that my wanting a divorce or starting work again is some kind of revenge plot against him. After all his physical, verbal, sexual, financial abuse and the passive aggressive behaviour of his family, he still controls me and my properties. He literally pushed me away and ghosted me(i was too broken and probably co-dependent on him at that time to realise what a blessing it was) but he still wants all the control over my body and properties. And the most clear side of my "husband" that i can vouch for is that he's a coward, self-destructive and delusional. It's almost like looking at him with the right prescription glasses, amazes me that i was so shit scared of this man!! How i let him control, abuse, gaslight and beat me up. I would be angry at him if i didn't feel so sorry for the pathetic mess that he is.

Educating myself is absolutely liberating! Thankyou for your research, time and efforts to help others understand narcissism. They are true parasites.

The question is "How we let them do it?" and "What should we do differently this time ?"

I love your work on this subject!! I’ve finally been able to let go and get so real about EVERYTHING in my life!!! Amen 🙏🙏❤️❤️ Thank you Richard…..seriously thank you!

I appreciate your perception of NPD as being on a spectrum of codependency.

19 years of my life lost to a narcissist; he’s right when he states they can live a delusion, while seemingly being fully rational.

This explanation of the Narcissist is the best I’ve heard.

I was dumped one year ago and still my head is fried you go through trying to understand it, to anger that you have been milked by a devious cunning twisted heartless person. Crazy world is finnished the love booming, the chaos mind games gaslighting brainwashing and Betrayal. Smoking mirrors.

the archetype you described is literally my brother, he wants people to be afraid of him. the only difference is his sports car isn't red

This video broke the narcissist spell for me. I have been doing your new course so I had set my intention to heal. Then something about this particular video woke me up. Thank you 🌟

Thank you so much for this Richard, Absolutely tremendous, All the triangulation, Manipulation and influence, Gather everyone else in to everything, I'm not in it, All the gaslight by proxy and reality manipulation, I know my reality, I wont be gaslight, And manipulated to their narrative, Peace, Love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high :-)

"Wonderful special unique " what every child craves to hear all the time from everyone?

I just started learning all of this recently after he passed away* It is just destroying me to know he may not even of loved me* I thought all the bad behavior & disappearing all the time was because he drank & did drugs. He was getting ready to leave me just before he died& I have been told he was cheating on me too& I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out what we were going through. I need to let go & I just can't* I really loved him* & He was doing me dirty* I'm 67 and feel so lost & alone* If I could get over all of this I'll be ok* Good Video*

Thank you Richard ,very helpfull, but I as a Codependent raised by a narcissistic mother and beeing in longterm relationships with several narcissists, I have similar personality traits and I am so sad and ashamed about it. I hope so that I am not a narcissist. But I only recieved the message that I am a terrible child. Never good enough. So I hope I am not a narcissist. Best wishes

You just answered every remaining question about my ex. The narc’s victim becomes collateral damage. That piece of knowledge helps the victim disassociate from the issues of the narc and helps them define their own experience. “It wasn’t me… it was the byproduct of the narc’s past.”

Richard you're a true healer and great leader! Humble, funny, compassionate and tenacious! Young men and women really need you right now! I hope my kids watch your videos in their spare time!

Gonna be a banger.

Most confusing and painful relationship of my life.😢 They are pathological liars and manipulators.

Thank you!! This helped remind me of why I must NEVER go back. And healing feels so good. I am getting stronger every day. Bless you!!! Much love and appreciation to you and your incredible work and wisdom. 🙏💖

Don’t let anybody to treat You like a mushroom kept in the dark and fed shit!!!

It not easy to understand the narc. Rules, very stressful. You guys are helping so many. Awesome! 💖💖💖

You're great at articulating complex topics for people to understand in simple terms. Thank you!

Amazing. "They dropped us in2 their virtual reality.'

You've distilled a potent description here Richard. It reflects my understanding and experience in an incredibly accurate way.

Absolutely spot-on as usual! Every word relatable, its a comfort knowing I'm in good company on here

Absolutely heartbreaking listening to this 😢 On a personal level I can say it is possible to break the chain after many years of being a single mum of three ( now ) adult children & taking responsibility for my choice of partner as my children didn’t have a choice … That powerful word No … no means no I know I effed up .. mum says no it means no 😂

Thanks for your explanation and verbal illustration of this.

The part about CPTSD was interesting. Childhood trauma and being delusional..... hits home

Great video!!

Great episode, very informative, thanks Richard!

Excellent well done mate 👏

Spot on Richard, Spot On.

Awesome. Thank you

Great contribution to the topic! Thanks Richard

excellent and clear, definitely, thank you

Very insightful. Thank you.

Thank you for this breakdown

This is so helpful. Ty

Wow! Thank you 💕

Thank you my Dude.

Actually Dr Carter agrees with you about it being a form of codependency

Best explanation ... Brilliant and true

Thank you for an analytical, grounded, and balanced video. I appreciated and enjoyed every aspect of it.

Yes! They give and charm.. but with a plan

Brilliant , THANK YOU!🙌

He had experienced pretty extreme abuse as a child. His mother sounded like a narcissist herself from what he told me. He was tortured by his older brothers- the oldest, a psychopath is now in a mental institution. Instead of spotting the very obvious red flags I went into nurturing mode. And that co dependency, that over empathic state of mine, coupled with my own histrionic bug a boos is the part I have to heal.

thank you Richard🙏

well said, love the calling attention to the various aspects that get overlooked about the NPD about how they are experiencing life, which sounds terrifying. Tha k you for continuing to help us level the playing field, take responsibility for our part of the dyad. do what we need to take care of ourselves but at some point be able to see the broader picture of how immensely difficult it must be to suffer from the disorder. many thanks for you, amd yoir work with Vaknin. total game changer when you two spoke to something g that I had No understanding of previously for what I was experiencing.

🔥Brilliant session 🔥

Well said!

Just bought the course. It looks amazing. Very excited to begin.

Thank You.

Truth. All truth.

Ooo Richard, brilliant explanation once again, just when I thought I know all there is to know, a new layer of understanding is given me via your work here. Thank you

Very interesting explanation about narcissist ! Very clear and logical. It's connecting all the dots. At least a lot of them! Thank you!

Thank you ❤

Sin City I never thought about that comparison to real live people. Brilliant take away and observation I love that. so discerning.

The haunted house visual REALLY helped me . I understood the empty no-self concept but obv can’t understand experientially. The visual helped it click thx RG

yes! thank you for talking about this

Thank you.

Why are children whom are also abused and ignored....Not narcissist???? I was abused and ignored and I have too much Empathy. I do not believe psychologists and psychiatrist have a complete understanding of Antisocial personality disorders.

This is great for victims who reached the pinnacle of indifference Thank you ! They create our illusion with ‘future faking’ and then live out the character of our projection. Scary scary

I agree with all of this. Great video thumbs-up 👍