The psychopath’s guide to theoretically perfect teleporter hogging 

since i've basically become a spaghetti code appreciation channel, are there any topics anyone would like to suggest? obviously i only have access to the tf2 code (& technically csgo's stuff too but i'm not very interested in it), and if your topic is way too complex it also can't be done, but i'm open to hearing any suggestions :) on another note, honestly idk if anyone even wanted to know all this about the teleporter, but these motherfucking gibus scouts can't just keep stealing my teles either...............

Yeah I play TF2: T - eleporter F - ights 2 -

Uncle Dane: teleporter etiquette shounic: destroy your rival

oh no the scouts now possess cursed knowledge of teleporter hogging

Tf2 bots are going to stop aiming and instead just circle the teleporter

This is scunt levels of engineering

I wonder if we will be seeing teleporter hijacking bots in casual soon. Enthusiastic Engineer vs Rival Engineer

How to be an inconvenience to your team [ADVANCED]

Really interesting! Please don't do this!

>Teleporter reservations take 3 seconds to expire >Level 3 teleporter takes 3 seconds to recharge *"I do not care if we both lose. I just care that you cannot win."*

taunting on the teleporter has always been my preferred method of snagging it from others

"We've successfully invalidated our rival, while being valid ourselves." This sounds like Chaotic Good life advice.

wow, that "reservation" mechanic is pretty fascinating, thinking back... ive seen it happen so many times

Alternative strategy: only build and exit and use the eureka effect, perfect for physcopaths

I imagine a lot of people are gonna be votekicked for this.

I think Uncle Dane will have a heart attack after watching this

Conclusion: Taunt if you are first, crouch-strafe around if you are late.

Crouch while spinning the minigun also makes you inmune to push (for allies atleast) Wonder if that's an alternative for taunting

I’m waiting for “pushbots” that’s only purpose is to prevent players from using teleporters

Teleport Hogging, the final form of competitive TF2

scunts: The sacred texts!

This is a really important PSA: Don't follow the advice given in this video despite its accuracy. All teles will become toxic cesspools of bumpy doofuses for all eternity.

If I see 2 players doing this on my Tele I'm picking my Tele up and putting somewhere else

Renaming myself to "i ruin games", playing scunt, spamming lenny binds and hogging the teleporter now, thanks for the tips

This is something that should have remained unknown to the community. It's a dark path from here.

Congrats, you've just reduced everybody's chances of ever going through a teleporter by 99% Now we're all going to have to walk to the frontlines

Oh no do you have any idea of the hell you unleashed on the badlands?

me, a scout who needs to get the intelligence, blocking a heavy, who is fat and needs the excersize, from using my rightfully deserved teleport

2:00 my last 2 brain cells trying to figure out how to stay alive

*Cries* this is the most evil thing I’ve ever seen it’s bueutiful

Congratulations on giving the scunts a monopoly over the teleporters.

With some experimentation you could probably figure out how to perfectly cancel out being shoved to near zero total velocity with the smoother gradations of movement from a joystick, if you'll allow me to heap more fuel onto this fire.

Normal people: *wait 5 seconds for it to recharge* shounic: Ah, Let me just push this guy out so I go first

"They can't push you if you're taunting" Me: *crie in f2p*

"... Any time our rival is invalid, we're also invalid" - Shounic 2020

Uncle dane: if y'all queue y'all can get through faster and not get stuck Shounic: here's how to guarantee your teleport no matter what

Something tells me that this quote is accurate: “We always ask if we can, but we never ask if we should.”

4:22 reservation lasts forever 5:11 reservation cancels after tele has been ready for 3 seconds ?

You can also switch classes as you're teleporting. This is something you can do in MvM while a wave isn't active. Simply step on an entrance and do a frame perfect class switch before teleporting which will result in your selected class ending up on the exit. It's hard to pull off, but possible.

Overwatch: "our game requires more skill and strategy" TF2: *how to steal a teleport by nudging people*

Thank you shounic as a scout main I will use this to as much of my advantage as I possibly can

This video: Me as engie if I see a scout trying to beat someone to the teli: *Self destructs teli entrance*

In a perfect word the scouts will just let the heavies go first, and yet our world is the most flawed.

Team Fortress 2 is like modern ethics, the one says that you should behave and just let your teammate teleport and the other one shows how to abuse.

*YOU MONSTER* you’ve given the scouts even more power!

Reminds me of that classic Safely Endangered comic "just because we're on the same team doesn't mean we're not enemies"

I've found this mechanic about 2011 through game experience, been using it for a whole life. never knew that there is such a subtle arrangement inside.

Finally, I can have the teleporters for myself (a Scout main) eh

searches "how to use teleporters effectively" Google: Create a small queue to let everyone use the teleporter based on who has waited the longest Bing:

"Now we will both surely lose", said the engineer. "lol", said the Scout, "lmao".

Thanks very much for this! Us scout mains need more of this kind of information.

I love how this information could be used for good or evil and it’s just up to us how we use it.

It's a little known fact but the force that causes two characters to be pushed away from each other when in close proximity is actually the strong nuclear force

Time for 11 scouts and a spy to have a battle royal over the teleporter.

I love how this guy explains the game mechanics in such a simple, clear and calm way. Very interesting stuff, that explains a lot about why i hate teleporters in TF2 so much xD

Love your code analysis! It’s amazingly well done, has good entertainment value, and you learn quite a bit of critical/analytical thinking techniques!

"Noooo you can't just steal my teleport!" "Haha stutterstep keys go brrrrrrr."

I just wanted to leave a comment here complimenting the thumbnail and title. It’s so perfect and amuses me every time. Great job mate.

I did a good deed today, I swapped to engine just to fix a teleporter at spawn!

1:42 the cellular devision

This is exactly what I was looking for

Liking the persona music for the video, which are always a treat when a new one comes out

Engineer: "You're awful, Shounic." Shounic: "I'm awful? Oh, yeah? How am I awful?" Engineer: "Teaching those scunts... Them stealing my tellies... You just wanted me to suffer... You're just like the rest of them!" Shounic: "You don't know the first thing about me pal. Look at what happened because what you did, what it led to. There are bots out there! Two scouts are getting vote kicked." Engineer: *laughs* Shounic: "You're laughing! You're laughing! A scout has already been kicked because of what you did." Engineer: "I know! How about another vote Shou-nic?" Shounic: "No, I think we've had enough of your votes." Engineer: "What do you get when you cross a mentally ill engie with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash! I'll tell you what you get! You get what you fucking deserve!" "Shounic left the game. (" #TF_Vote_kicked)"

Shounic posts this video. Satan: "I have to say, I'm a big fan."

when i play casual : scunts keep stealing the teleporter and heavies keep nudging people off when i play MvM sometimes : "you go first, you gotta fix yer sentry / revive the team"

And for me, the most important thing, has always been UHHHH this pie

I am deeply ashamed to admit I have actively been using this advice in casual every chance I get.

This is your friendly engineer reminder to put a “teleporter entrance break” bind on a key, so if this ever happens to you you can bust the tele before they get sent off and tell them to walk for absolute maximum inefficiency and game throwing potential

The yeti smash taunt also instantly cancels when you go through a tele with no input. I’ve used it for hundreds of hours in game and it never fails me

I love how these strategies only work against your own team

I was playing Mercenary Park last night and felt very accomplished when I got this to work. Of course, the enemy team was camping the exit and I was killed immediately; but it's still a really neat tip.

Now you’re thinking with portals

Fun fact: opening the contracker instantly stops your momentum, Which might work out here

Lawful Good: Teleporter Etiquette Chaotic Evil: This video

I just taunt on the teleporter, that always worked for me.

Wow thanks! This works well as a competitive scout!

Spy takes the most ski-

the spy on the other side of the wall-facing tp applauds(slowly) your enthusiasm

6:20 For a moment there I almost forgot there was an enemy team you're fighting against- you mean the true enemy isn't other players on your team stealing your teleporter? I don't even get mad about this in game since when I see a charging teleporter I just go Engy and upgrade it and level 3s basically never get queues, I was just so immersed in the mindset of this video.

That Demoman "stickyjumpeleport" is sidesplitting. Just stop the video near to there and use the , and . keys to view it back and forth in slow motion. Priceless.

I played to much r6s I thought pyro was smoke

this reminds me of a uwued version of an fwedwick nietzsche quote

Engineer holding the front lines, I assure you it is absolutely CRUCIAL that I, a spy with 3 kills, get to use the teleporter first always

When I'm playing engie and somebody hogs my tele, I just pick it up. I don't care how much time is lost, I don't care if we're in overtime, it's my tele

Reservations last forever Reservations expire after the teleporter is ready for 3 seconds

Tf2 has always been p2w, cancelable taunts also help camp through corners.

Nice, you now made it a fight to use a teleporter.

REMEMBER PEOPLE: Making a que line is STILL a three second guarantee if the tele is level 3. ALSO REMEMBER: That if it isn’t level three you can just upgrade it really quick be switching to engie....

If you taunt, you don't get pushed at all.

the second option votekick the gae scoot

you have successfully obtained the forbidden knowledge. use it wisely.

I would love to see a video of someone just hogging a single tele for an entire match and see the reactions.

In the thumbnail pyro actually looks pretty good as Vader ngl

If you have access to the entire code of TF2, what if you covered the maximum possible speed a player (or any other entity you like) can travel without commands? (i.e. with the whip, scout healing, etc. etc.)

Psychopathy, a guide: part 1

Delete this video imediatly! There is such a thing as too dangerous knowledge and that is it!

man this new scout tutorial is an interesting take, shounic

Just get in line. Engies, medics and heavies go first while scouts go last.

the video after this is teleporter etiquette for me LOL

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