As a mom, I'm supporting child-free people even more. If you don't feel totally committed to motherhood, the sacrifices don't worth it. Better to have happy child-free women than burned out shitty moms who hate their life.
PLUS the kids’ perspective! I never get people who want to convince you to have kids... like, do you hate kids so much you want to produce unhappy ones? That’s what you will get when you force people into having kids who don’t actually want to. Unhappy kids will grow into unhappy people. Who wants that?
Mom of three children here… each of my children was a choice. I cannot imagine what it would be like to not have a choice in the matter of motherhood. Having an unwanted baby is a catastrophe for all involved. I respect choice.
When I get asked why I don’t want kids (usually by people who have or want kids), I typically ask them why DO they want kids? The usual response is “because I just want them”. Interesting how that is accepted by society as a full response, but the reverse (“because I just don’t want them”) is not!
@@surlespasdondine The second one is even better, lol; ...would tell the children of the mothers who indeed didn't want children in the first place but had them anyway, and their kids have to live with those "also-moms."
I'm Japanese woman and i apprecipate you for making this video. I knew the word "child-free" for the first time. It sounds really positive! will use it from today.
Same, it really helped. I took note of that as well. I’m trans female and I just don’t want to feel pressured to be put into kids I’m still learning about myself if I ever do, it’ll be later in life through adoption when I’m financially ready, but I don’t think that’s even my thought thinking that I just think I’m in the Same position of not wanting kids
I have a daughter who is now 18. I adopted her as an Infant. People assume I adopted bc I couldn’t have kids, but the reason is just bc it was something I knew I wanted to do since I was a teen. I could have given birth if I chose to. We shouldn’t assume we know what other people are thinking!
People always tell my parents that adopted kids (me) dont see them as real parents and it is a wasted effort etc etc...but my parents are real parents to me even if we do not share the same geneology. I dont see them as anything but mom and dad, and i dedicate my time to take care of them when they are sick or alone -- things i dont see biological kids do for their parents in some situations.
So happy for you! I’ve always wanted to ask people who pressure others with this reasoning if they actually know anyone child-free by choice who regretted not having kids. I suspect they do not.
@@HK-USA Its not like they going to get SSI when they age basically, you want new slaves for the system, to pay into your penison ,and other benefits knowing they won't get sh!t when they're older.
Im 48 and child-free. I cannot count how many times I've been asked why. I feel like a monster saying it but the truth is I don't really like kids, I have no patience for them
I’m turning 27 and I started to feel very overwhelmed with this topic lately, so I’m glad to see this video. I always thought I don’t want kids for 2 reasons: I don’t feel anything towards kids that most people talk about. I feel that towards animals, but kids make me a bit uncomfortable even in a way. The second reason probably explains that - mental health. I’ve struggled my whole life to keep myself together and I got so much trauma from the way my parents raised me, I always felt I don’t want to give that same experience to someone else. I don’t believe I’d be able to raise a mentally healthy human with how I feel myself. I see how my sister raising her kids, which is so triggering, I don’t think generational trauma would stop on me no matter how hard I try. But at the same time everyone else around me talks about it, I feel the FOMO. Also turning 27 means that by that time my mom had me and my sister already, so I start to feel like I’m falling behind. Although I have to say that I’m happy I talked about this with my mom, because she said that I shouldn’t feel the rush, since she was so stressed balancing everything and life being so difficult, that there’s nothing I miss out on and i should spend my life enjoying it. It’s very nice to hear people say being child free is fine, so I’m thankful you do. Each time someone does I feel a bit less pressure inside.
I feel you! Honestly, I was the same most of my life, but few yeaes ago felt that FOMO too. I actually convinced myself that maybe its not such a bad idea to have a child after all, and here I am, 39 with 3 months old on my hands, and I utterly regret my decision. I love the little guy but its too hard for me, and I wish I stayed child free now. Don't fall into that fomo trap!
@@loopingstateofmind I think those early months can be really, really hard. I decided early on that I didn't want children, but after I got married in my late 30's, we decided to give it a try. I had my baby at 41 and it was super hard in the beginning. I felt like that hard time would never end, that my life had changed so much. It didn't, however. I have a lovely 12 year old now and parenting has not been the total grind that I imagined in that first year of life. I only have one child, however - not sure I could handle more than that.
@@loopingstateofmind thank you for sharing such a personal experience not many would. This is what I’m scared would happen to me as well and the dissonance of feelings is so confusing. I’ve heard there are quite a lot of parents that honestly regret their decision to have kids, even if they love them endlessly. I hope it gets easier for you and you can get your life enjoyable with the circumstances that you’re in. Sending you my biggest hug! ❤️
Mid-50s here. I always felt ambivalent about having children, starting from about when I turned 11 or 12. I didn't have a reason beyond "I just don't want to," and I felt that way most of the time, so I just never did. I had a brief "wobble" when I was about to turn 40 - not an actual change of heart, just a moment when I fully realized that my reproductive window was closing. Before it was fully closed, I wanted to take a moment to think it through, to make sure I was truly good with staying child-free. Within a few weeks, I had reassured myself. I moved on, did not have children, and I have never regretted it.
❤ thank you so much for your comment. I'm in my late 20s and feel like i dont want kids but im scared to regret it later on. You sharing your story made me realize that i can keep my position right now and ask myself again in a few years from now how i feel about it.
@@dookyy 💙I'm glad my comment was helpful! It's so important for women to discuss our health and choices - and how we feel about it - at every stage of our lives.
Omg, this what I'm struggling with right now.... I'm 36 I've never wanted kids, but nowadays I have this thoughts for seconds that maybe I should have at least one... I don't know why but I feel very stressed thinking about this, every time when my period is late my level of stress is up to the ceiling, when I'm sure that I'm not pregnant I feel relieved, but after the period my thoughts about at least one come again ....
Thanks for sharing, I'm 40 and going through something similar now. I always thought I'd have children but I never found anyone I wanted to marry and I've had a lot of struggles with my health on and off as well as other big unwanted life challenges. I've always felt more connected to animals than humans altho I met some adorable kids when I worked in education. I feel like if I don't have them I'll feel grief, even though it's maybe best if I don't. I mostly just want healthy loving connections with others, to be in nature, care for animals and paint.
Agreed! I am childfree for that exact reason. People also kept telling me that I will change my mind. But now I’m in my forties and that doesn’t work anymore. I now just get a look full of pity, because they think I’m lying; that I wanted kids but life did not work out. People also often tell me: you are really missing out. I reply with: so are you. It is just a different path. Much love to all childless people out there that have to fave these same unasked for opinions, and feel sad about it.
38 and childfree! When I look back, I’ve always known. It’s not my calling. I can do much better work in the world without being a mom. Most importantly, I’ve had to fight really hard to be “allowed” to be me, and I’m not willing to give the amount of myself that is required to be a mother. So often this is what I hear most often from my mom friends (“I feel like I’m losing myself”) and I just don’t want to. I really love my life. My husband is awesome. We are also both very protective of our alone time and that’s very hard to do when you have kids and I imagine would be very emotionally depleting for both of us. We’re both teachers and honestly one of the worst part of it is to see how many people have kids without thinking it through because clearly they are not interested in being parents based on their actions and their lack of interest in their children’s lives. As a teacher you parent a lot in the end. I’m good! 🤣
It also helps when people are honest with themselves from the start. Just because you don’t have kids, doesn’t mean you should. Lots of people are raised to be fiercely independent and enjoy it, myself included.
Just want to know how do you know you are happy because you don’t have children? Many people are happy inspite of having children What is the source of this happiness?
@@Aries659 the source of my happiness is therapy. I also don’t cope well with a lot of stress. Most of my family and friends worry about their kids even their adult kids. I know I am missing out on lots of happy moments by not having kids but I am also missing out on a lot of stress too. I also had a horrific childhood. No kids for me. Lots of people who have had kids also regret it. Look up the study called “Parent Paradox”. There was also an anonymous survey that went out in the 70’s or 80’s that asked thousands of people if they could go back in time and not have had children would they? 70% said yes. They would not have had kids. I think having kids is something you should only do if you really want to do it. I’ve heard it been described as “think of having a child as having a tattoo on your forehead. Only do it if you really want to do it”. This quote is from a mother of 3 who loves being a mother. I read this quote in a book written by Elizabeth Gilbert and I totally agree with it.
@@CAEO416 This is the analogy that I’ll take from what was said; If someone wants a tattoo, and they know it will make them happy, they will get one. If someone is happy regardless if they have a tattoo or not; they’re not so inclined to rush out and get one, because they know they will be alright if they don’t.
Preggo mom of 1 soon to be 2 here, in full support of this video and message! Let’s normalize the decision to be childfree and reproductive autonomy in general!
@@pimkas because it feels like playing devils advocate- supporting something you dont actually practice yourself. Why does she think its truly right choice for her? She has kids on her own, is she regretting it?
42, happily married and child-free. No medical reasons, no trauma, no environmental reasons I simply don't want and never wanted children. As you say I love my life the way it is. I openly say when asked (not very often) that I simply do not want kids. No any specific reasons behind. I live in Sweden btw. Great video, great topic, keep on speaking about it.
@@mirianakovachevic748 If my husband doesn't want to stay with me because I don't want children, I'll gladly tell him "Bye bitch" and I get to walk away without a ball and chain on my ankle.
@@Lily_D_LIwho cares? It is not like the person who dies comes back from the dead to check if someone notice that is dead. When you're gone you're gone.👻
@@Lily_D_LI not having kids doesnt mean not having family, partners, and friends. AND having kids doesnt mean you wont die alone. Those are not mutually exclusive outcomes.
Great Video! I’m 37 and child free. I too have also never desired it. I truly can’t imagine my life with kids. I also can’t really imagine myself married either. I just day dream about my solo life, living alone and I find people are more offended that I want to be partnerless/single over child free. It kinda makes me laugh. 😆
There was a great woman in a talk show lately. She is 39, never had a partner and said: In our society it is way more accepted to be in a relationship and miserable than being alone and happy. If you are single by a certain age, people likely assume there is sth wrong with you. I felt that.
Right? Same here. I'm so happy being free enjoying my single life. I have wonderful friends in my life whom I call my "family of choice" and I never felt lonely.
I'm exactly the same as you, and same age also! I love my own company, though I have plenty of great friends. People think I'm 'content with my lot', and can't seem to understand that I'm actually incredibly truly HAPPY with my life.
Finally! No one ever says this, but it's exactly my reason for not having kids - I just don't want to. it's so simple. Though I'm 40, and I still get told I'll change my mind.
I am 64 and childfree and like you I knew very young that I did not want to be a parent, in my case by the time I was 12, as I recall. I have no regrets whatsoever.
By the way, I can really recommend the documentary My So-Called Selfish Life, by the Canadian filmmaker Therese Shechter, which is about being childfree.
Bravo! I am 54 and the same. Love my parents and sister but just wanted to make my own path. My Dad (sadly gone now) and Mom were ALWAYS supportive. I made me decision at 9 years old when I began Japanese studies in Northern California. Lived in Kyoto for many years and appreciated each day I woke up thinking I was living the dream (many hard days but It was still living the dream). Warm wishes to you :)
This is a very good reason. I didn't have a reason for having kids. I just deeply wanted them, from when I was 10-11 years old I knew that was one of the most important things in the world to me. I feel like the only real reason to have kids is if you want them. And not wanting them is a great reason not to have them. Even if it was the only reason. I have a few child-free friends and I love that we can be happy for each other. I have never been more fulfilled than I am now with 2 kids aged 6 and 9. And my child -free friends are living their best lives as well. I have a wish for our society: that everyone can become aware that their "ideal life model" cannot necessarily be transferred to others. What is a perfect life for me might be a nightmare for someone else. Mothers who push others to have kids might mean well, but thinking because something makes you so happy it will automatically be the same way for everyone else is a huge fallacy. Props to you Jenny for living the way YOU chose to. ❣
Surlespasdondine, You are a wise human, and I don't hesitate, a kind and loving mom. That's what kids need the most! And if a woman doesn't want to have kids (no matter what is her reason for that) she cannot give this; thus, she shouldn't be forced to go against her will, nature, interests, etc. It's counterproductive, and at the end of the day just plain harmful., especially for her kids.
I'm child free and never wanted to have kids either. I never pictured myself as a mother. In fact, pregnancy, breast feeding, nappy changing...it all disgusts me beyond measure. I even used to have nightmares that I'm heavily pregnant or just had a baby. I always woke up into a panic attack. Funnily enough children are drawn to me like moths to light. Which is very uncomfortable. In my 30s my doctor was trying to gently inform me that if I ever wanted children, I'd need "a little help" since my ovaries are under developed. My reaction was a big smile and a great relieve. I tried not to jump with joy because I didn't want to shock my doctor. The irony of my life is that I've had a child in my life since my late teens, she is my good friend's daughter. We were always close and when my friend died, her daughter became even closer to me. So life found another way to bring a child into my life. Next month I will be attending this young woman's wedding and I will be seated at the table right next to her where her mother would sit had she been alive.
@@MakeUpWitch absolutely agree 💯....this should be a safe space to say how you feel.....no one has the right to tell you how you feel is wrong/immature....your feelings are valid and know one can tell you otherwise
I’m 38 and this is the first time I’ve heard someone express exactly how I feel! I’m a friendly, patient and nurturing person, so people assume that I would definitely want kids but I cannot remember EVER feeling the desire or yearning to be a mum. Ironically this is always most obvious when I am holding my friend’s babies- my friends look at me as though expecting it will somehow kickstart my broken maternal clock, but ironically being around kids and babies has the opposite affect 😂 I love and enjoy the kids in my life, but when I leave after hanging out with them, I feel a full bodied sense of relief that I don’t have any. Something that does make me doubt if I have made the right choice is when people with kids say that they too had doubts but now they find their kids to be the most rewarding things in their lives. I am grateful to have one friend who is a bit more open in her review of parenthood - she tells me that of course she loves them, but that having kids is tedious a lot of the time and she misses her child free days. And that if I don’t have the yearning it’s totally ok to not go down that path ❤️
I think there's also such a stigma on being honest about parenthood as a parent and the hardships of raising a child. It wouldn't surprise me if in fact many parents actually want to express how stressful raising a child can be, that they wish to have more time for themselves or that they perhaps even regret having a child. But is there even room for that without being accused of or perceived as a bad parent? I don't have children myself, but I do have relatives who have and DAMN, being a parent can suck your energy big time.
I am a parent but I do not understand that deciding not to have children can challenge some people. Everyone makes their own choice and this must be simply respected ! Love from France !
As a French CF woman, thank you! I wish more people were as understanding and open minded as you. I have a few medical issues, but besides that I never felt the urge to become a mother, and didn´t believe I´d be fit for it. Didnt have great experience growing up. Besides, I never met someone.
Thanks Jenny, for continuing to revisit this topic. Does anyone else feel like nearly everyone just has kids without thinking twice about whether or not they want to? Seems like everyone does it because they see other people doing it.
@@IvyRoad I'd guess because the assumption is that the woman is devoting all of herself to the kids, plus some people think that it's the women's ultimate purpose. However my work is somewhat related to child protective services and I've seen plenty of cases where women keep on having kids, often from different fathers, but don't care about them at all. So I definitely wouldn't equate the amount of kids with being saintly. Even in a family where the parents are devoted, they have limited time and resources to take care of the kids so I don't think the more the better for the kids in many cases.
@@Evija3000 Yes. I just can’t see how having many children, when effective birth control is available, is not a clearly “selfish” choice where “selfish” means done for one’s own gratification.
@@IvyRoad Exactly! Having children is the more selfish choice. "I'm gonna birth a whole person into the world because I want to, because I have urges, because I don't want to be alone etc." It's never truly for the children. Yes, experiencing life can be magical, but mostly it's very hard and kinda sucks. School, bullies, work, periods, murder, abusers, shitty friends, cheating partners, money problems, eating disorders, sleep issues, loss, embarrassment, sickness/disease, fights. If I was never born I'd never have known and none would be the wiser. Since I am living in this world, obviosly I am trying to make the best of it, but like everyone else I am just living for the good moments - which are few. Mostly life is problems. So yeah, having kids is selfish. All the reasons people who want and have children give why they choose kids are only selfish reasons.
@@lanalace3470 Dunno, so far I'm glad that I'm here as I think are a lot of people, even though I've had a decent share of issues. It's somewhat of a lottery. But the chances can be greatly improved by the parents being responsible and having kids when (and as many as) they can properly care for - give attention, good education, proper medical care, etc. to give the best chance in life. And while I somewhat agree with you about the reasons, if the people are good parents, they're gonna devote most of their time, energy and resources for the kids needs for years and that's the unselfish part. And if you decide to have a kid with this in mind, not sure you can truly call it a selfish choice. But it varies, of course not all parents are like that. I'm not trying to dismiss you. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Just giving my perspecive.
Shared this with my youngest daughter. She never wanted children, and married the Mormon Bishop son, thinking she wanted his kids then found out that she couldn't personally have them. Because of the pressure to adopt she divorced him within a year. She needed to hear this.
I am in a process of leaving my gf because I want kids and she doesn't want children. Ending relationship would be best for both of us and prevent future torment.
You should not have any trouble getting married..Most men now dont want them either..Just let it be known up front..And there are surgical procedures to override nature..
I love this! I’m the opposite, I feel like I want kids for the simple reason that I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I don’t have them yet, but I’m a nanny and I know I love spending my day with kids and caring for them. I’ve always had a strong desire to have children and I can’t imagine having them without that deep desire. Taking care of little people involves a lot of energy and patience, and they deserve parents that want them.
Same. I have cats because I love to spend time with them, watch them do funny cat things. I pay a lot for their food, vet etc. Same with kids, I want to watch them grow and take care of them. It's hard but good mental stimulation and personal growth.
I always looked after my nieces and nephews. I loved them so much & looked after them. It's easy to look after other's kids but when we have our own, please remember it comes with lot of responsibility. I literally struggled looking after my own kids, with no family around, since I lived in a different country faraway from my parents and siblings. Being a single mother with no extended family near by , no help from anyone, sleepless nights & lot of stress.... I suffered with anxiety, panic attacks, heart palpitations etc etc . My kids have grown up now, they are 21 & 18. They love me so much & best of all, they appreciate me for sacrificing my whole life for the sake of them. So, is it worth having kids? YES definitely worth it but please be prepared for all the stress & please raise them with your family around so that you don't have to deal everything alone. Also have kids only if you have a supportive loving partner. This is my advice to every woman.
@@jennifershakira409 thank you for sharing your experience so openly. 🙏 Seems like choosing a partner is one of the hardest things, a lot depends on it.
@@NenaAleksandric thanks Nena ❤️👍 Since seeing my struggles in life, my daughters have decided not to marry nor having kids. They have decided to remain single & enjoy their lives. I fully support their decision. 👍🤗
I don’t think it’s egoistic at all...in fact some people who have kids have done it for egoistic reasons...thinking kids will add joy to THEIR lives..they’ll make life more fun...or to keep up with society pressures. I’ve yet to meet one parent who’s said they’ve had kids because they want to sacrifice a large portion of their lives in service of another human being, which is what parenthood is all about
I have the same thoughts … I knew always I wasn’t interested in kids . My mom even told me I was never interested in dolls , I just wanted to create things and draw. But show me a puppy or any animal… gush . ❤ So basically this video totally speaks to me x
Wow I really didn’t expect to cry watching this video. I’ve never felt more understood. I’ve probably used every single one of those options as excuses for not wanting children, but that’s exactly what they were. Just excuses so people would stop pestering me and my partner. I’m 25 and there’s never been a single bone in my body that’s wanted kids. Thinking about being pregnant gives me all the icks and I’m not crazy for not having a maternal instinct! People who don’t want children shouldn’t be pressured into having them, because if they are they’ll be resentful and frustrated for the rest of their lives. At this point in my life I have two best lady friends. One is pregnant and the other has a small child. It makes me so happy that they’ve chosen a lifestyle that will make them happy, but the older I get, the more I confirm within myself that I don’t want children and that’s okay. I don’t need a crazy reason. Simply not wanting them is enough. Thank you so so much for sharing your experience with us ❤
Jessica, not wanting them is the main reason, and it's an okay reason. Nobody has the right, thus, nobody should press you! It's your life, your responsibility. Those "pundits" who pressure you will not help to raise the kids you don't want to have. You are okay, trust your guts! And btw., I am a very happy parent of an amazing, already adult child, lol. Your decision belongs solely to you!
37 and emphatically child free. I understand you perfectly- I JUST DON’T WANT KIDS. I’m very happy with my life as well and just can’t be bothered anymore with how other people feel about my decision. It’s my life and I’ll live it as I see fit, and for me that’s without children.
I'm completely the same, I just simple don't want children...so weird to me that a lot of people ask why when I tell them ... I never ask why to people who do want children
Not only are child free voices important for people who doubt wanting children, but also for people who want them but cannot have them - I speak of experience, I found a lot of comfort in child free speeches when I got diagnosed infertile. Thanks for this!
I just turned 40 yo and I'm definitely sure of my decision, haven't changed my mind "as I got older" as people said would happen. I really don't think we are being egotistic at all. People often ask me "but who is gonna take care of you when you get older?!" And I'm like "oh, and I'm the egoistic one...". So we are actually being very compassionate with our not-wanted children 😊
This point is often made, and I think about an elderly family friend whose child made her life a living hell and probably hastened her death through the sheer stress. She was a kind lady and used to sadly ask what she had ever done to her children to cause one to be so hateful, and the other to cut ties with her because he didn’t want to deal with the other sibling. You never know how kids will turn out, no matter how well they are raised.
Elders tell you to have children for one reason being that your kids will take care of you one day in the future & other being that everyone has children and you should too. The trauma females goes through before is immense! You dont get to choose. The choice has already been made for you.
I had step children, but never had a biological child and I am 51 now. I feel I had the best of both worlds. I have no regrets, in fact, I am so happy I never did. What would be the opposite word to regret? Grateful! I am so grateful I never had my own. I have so many reasons, but like you…I love my freedom, I love being able to focus on creative work and my relationship, and I love not having the associated stress and regret that many women have. Also, I think that having children shouldn’t be so hard, but our society, especially in the USA, does not support women and their children in a natural way- In fact, my country uses children as a way to make women dependent on men.
Thank you for this! I am a mom of 2, but struggled with infertility for years before having my first child at age 31. I didn't have my second child until age 38. The unwanted and inappropriate questions I would receive regarding having children (and having a 2nd child after my 1st was born) were incredibly infuriating and hurtful. People assume too much. I honestly didn't think I would ever have a second child for many reason, one being that I wasn't sure I wanted another. The emotional, mental, and physical toll of having children was not something I was prepared for... and I would never want someone who wasn't 100% sure they wanted children to experience that kind of pain. I always suffered from anxiety and depression, and after having kids it got worse. Do I wish I never had children? No. I love them with my entire being. But I would be lying if I said I don't miss my childless days a lot. You can never get that kind of freedom back. Children are work! They bring joy but also stress into your life that is unlike anything else. I support you and this video so much. Normalizing the choice to be child-free is needed!
Yours is an important contribution to this discussion. Thank you for having the courage to honestly share feelings that are experienced by so many mothers. So many stories of infertility end with the “happy ending”, the pregnancy, but the pregnancy is only the beginning and life is complex and full of struggle.
I feel EXACTLY the same way. Never pictured myself with a baby or being pregnant - I dreamt of becoming an independent creative professional and that is what I now am. I love being child free and at 41 I have absolutely no regrets. I see my friends with children and see a life that I just don’t want.
Not wanting kids is like a lot of things in life. We 'think' we want them because thats what life expects of us, society expects us to want kinds so we just assume that you do want them and not wanting them is just an error. This can be applied, and often does, to relationships, friends and work.
Amen girl! This is EXACTLY how I have felt my whole life. I have 10 siblings and all of them have children. I LOVE my nieces and nephews and their children, but never at any time, have I wanted my own. I have heard time and time again that I will change my mind, that I will regret it. At 50 years old, I do not for one minute regret my decision. I know who I am, and I don't need that to be a mom. Thank you for voicing this so publicly.
I feel the same way as you, I’ve never had the urge to have children. I recently got my first dog and it 100% confirmed to me that I definitely don’t want children. I’m 39 years old and I have never felt pressured to have children from society or family because what they think affects me little to none. 😊
You and your husband are amazing. 🫶🏻 This is a proof that family doesn’t have to complete by having a child only. It can complete just wife and husband (and maybe pets). I wish my boyfriend would change his mind to not have a kid either 😔
I was raised in a family where everyone had kids, it was never an option to not to have one. It was finding a partner, getting married and having kids. I thought I wanted kids (I worked as a preschool teacher for 10 years) but then we got a dog. Now I know it’s not the same, having a child is way more responsibility and I’m not comparing the two. However, having a dog made me realise the amount of responsibility I’m willing to take. Just like Jenny, I love my life. I love quiet mornings or not having to deal with issues for a day if I don’t feel like it. I’m an anxious person so for me the biggest reason would be the freedom of mind. I know I would be worried sick about my child whenever I’m not with them and it would be always something in the back of my mind. Also, I love kids, I love spending time with them but the best part is the mindset that I am not their parent and I can leave whenever I want to. I am only 30 so I still have time but the more I think about, the less I can image myself being a mom. We live in a child-friendly neighbourhood with lots of greenery around, playgrounds so I see many families and kids every day but I simply cannot image myself having one. Sometimes I have nightmares about being pregnant. I am aware that I’m privileged to make this decision and I’m so grateful that my partner feels the same way. However I know people who wanted to have kids but couldn’t, life is not fair.
I'm 35 and I never wanted kids. Moreover, when I found out how they come into the world, I had a big shock. I thought it was a very traumatic experience and I don't want to go through it.
Its true…you never know how the birth is going to be. It can be traumatic or it can be empowering. It is a (big) risk. Going through it yourself and being present at a birth are very different experiences though. The fathers who are there mostly are a bit white in the face….
This video is a breath of fresh air. Thank you for sharing this, I feel exactly the same and it is honestly so annoying when people think they know what you want better than you. ❤
I'm 22 turning 23 next month and I've also known since I was a child myself that I never wanted kids. That hasn't changed and I'm very blessed to have a supportive family. My mother is even supportive of me wanting to get a tubal ligation. Although I know finding a doctor willing to do one at my age can be quite difficult, I'm certain I'll find one eventually.
I'm a parent and having my boys was the best thing i've ever done. However, if I didn't want children I wouldn't have had any! As you say, no guilt, no sense of loss - just a choice.
My hubby and I have two gorgeous boys, 7 years apart. And although absolutely happy with our decision , we did feel a lot of pressure to have our second child quicker and we had to explain our reasoning for delaying another child many times. So annoying that so many people just keep judging others for their choices. Just do whatever works for you ❤
Not every women want to be a mother. I don´t understand this heteronormative thing that all women and men need (or need to want) biologically and mentally be a mom/dad. All people have different biologies (DNAs, minds, bodys), backgrounds, educations and personalities in this wolrd. I don´t see why all of human have to be equal in lifestyle choices and decisions. We are not fucking copies of each other!!!! I know many women/men that are parents and are terrible humans and I know many people that don´t want kids and are fabulous human beings! It´s all a matter of caracter, nothing else. We all have a purpose on this planet in our particular way!
I have never wanted kids, just because. It is indeed really nice to hear you talk about this topic from time to time! :) I preordered Okay Days back in December and knowing that there's the topic of being childfree in it makes me even more excited to read it!
I have six children. By choice. Each one was a decision. I started off wanting 12. Yes, you read that right. 12. But I knew since the time I was a very little child that that is what I wanted. I’m intelligent and capable. I could have had a career in any number of fields. I was very good at school. I was pushed by a lot of people in my life to go on and get my doctorate. I knew in my bones that this was not the path for me. I have total respect for what you communicated in this video. I would never DREAM of asking another woman why she doesn’t have children or even if she wants children. And I am very quick to communicate to others who are naturally full of ideas and opinions about me because I do have so many children that that was MY choice for ME. I tell my children this all the time. They have to honour who they are and what they want because they only have this one life to live, it’s too precious a thing to waste on fulfilling other people’s ideas about how they should live it. We adore our big, rambunctious, chaotic, stressful family. And yes, it is f*cking hard work and everything you went over in this video for why people might choose not to have children applies. They are all things we have had to navigate. But its what I always wanted and I have no regrets. This was a very mature conversation and I am sorry that you get so much hate when you bring it up. I wish the internet would learn some damn manners. I don’t know you. You don’t know me. I have opinions of my own about everything said, but that’s literally what they are: *my* opinions and I am still able to click on the video and listen and accept that there are other ways of being a woman in this world that are very different than mine and I can respect them and simply get on with my life. I wish we could all collectively remind ourselves of the old adage: “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”. It’s like people feel like someone having a different opinion is a life threatening attack on them. It’s not at all. I know many women who, for various reasons, do not have children. And I know many women who do. They’re in my life because we like one another and respect one another. Period. End of. It’s none of my damn business why they make the decisions they do in their lives. I certainly don’t go around trying to proselytize women into wanting to be a mom of a huge gaggle of kids. It’s one aspect of who I am. It’s not my whole identity. Just like not having children is just one aspect of whom you are. It’s not the defining aspect. I can see from the comments that this resonates with a lot of women in your audience so thank you for risking the hate to put this out there. My sister never had children. And you know what? She’s my sister. And I’ve never asked her why. Not once. It. Is. None. Of. My. Business. If she wanted to tell me, she would have. We’re very close. But she’s a private person and she never has so, that’s all I need to know. I have never ever ever EVER even intimated to her that she’s missing out on something. She even lived with us for a while. She knows full well what it’s like to live with children. I figure that’s the best way to be. Just live your life and if others are interested or compelled or think you may have something they want, they will ask. Until they do, just mind your own business.
I knew from the time I was 5 years old that I didn't want to have children. I do however, truly love being Auntie. It fills me with great joy to spend time and energy with children that want to share time and energy with me.
finally someone i can relate to - i am completely the same, i just don't want children 🤷🏼♀️ people always expect there to be a "why" and this simple answer is always shocking
I feel like I have the “most judged of all” reason for not having kids and I’ve received so many snarky comments and questions and dismissals because of it- to put it simply, I don’t want kids because I just don’t particularly like them. Maybe that makes me sounds like a bad person, but there’s something about the screaming and the running and the loudness and just the general CHAOS that children bring that puts me in the worst mood ever. I don’t like mess, I don’t like obnoxious children’s TV shows, I don’t like being touched and climbed on all the time. I just want to live my quiet, independent life in peace.
Same reason why I don't want a 2nd kid :-) I have one and I always thought we would be great as parents. Child free friends have non child centered conversation, It's a fresh breath of air ! Thank you Jenny.
30s, Happily married, Childfree by choice, and sterilized! I live in America where there's a war on women and our freedom to choose, or even have bodily autonomy, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna be forced to give birth against my will. I've never once wanted kids.
Thank you for this video! I'm childfree by choice and people always said that I would change my mind when I met someone. As a single in my late 30s it was quite liberating to have made this choice as it took the stress out of having to meet someone to have kids with! This was really an issue for many of my girlfriends. When I met my now husband, I early on made it clear that I didn't want children and luckily he was okay with that. People still asks sometimes when we are going to have children, but not as much now when I've turned 40 😊 I don't want children because I want the freedom, I want to travel and be able to focus on my job, my hobbies and my husband. I don't want the lifestyle of a family with small kids. You should be able to make any choice that's right for you - whether it's having children or not 😊
I decided in my 30s that I could be happy with kids, without kids , or with adopted ones. This state of mind really helped me in my personal life. Today I’m a very happy mother of a 4 years old. Life brought me the right circumstances to have a kid and I went for it. No regrets whatsoever
I’m 32 and feel the exact same in that I could be happy either way. However, I hate feeling ambivalent. I want to know what I want, but instead I find myself stressing to make a decision for the sake of time running out.
I agree with you 100%. I am also childfree by my own choice and still get to hear that one day my biological clock will tick. This year I turn 40 and still nothing is ticking for me. My main reason is also that I simply don't want children. I can't imagine being pregnant at all. On top of that, I generally find the human species very unpleasant and therefore don't want to create another human myself....
I feel like as creative people we are constantly creating things - art, design, music, writing (you with your book) so we can create and contribute to the world in lots of meaningful ways! Creation is creation✨ Having kids is just one of the many ways humans create… creating new life 💁🏻♀
I’m 49 and child free and I am happy with it. My fiancé and I met when we were 42, got engaged last year, and though we plan to get married, we are fine with being child free. Sometimes I wonder if we would’ve procreated if we met at a younger age. Maybe, but we’re both writers and between work, life, and writing, our lives are full. All I want is to add a cat or dog to the equation. I think it’s important to have an outlet for nurturing others. Children are one way to do that, but not the only way. We nurture pets and other adults too. Im a school teacher, so I get my fair share of being around teenagers. Let me tell you though that as a woman I’ve been judged by people for this decision, even by very progressive minded folk. At this point I’ve gotten used to it, but there’s always this vague suspicion in the back of my mind that I’ve done something wrong by remaining child free. Videos like this are important for helping shift the culture. Thank you ❤
Thank you for bringing this topic to the table once again, Jenny. When I was younger, I always saw myself as a mother in the future and when I started dating my exhusband in the faculty, we both talked about it many times, but we were both very much focused on our careers at the time. When I felt ready he asked for more time, I waited, traveled the world with him and finally when we started trying it did not happen for us ... I felt he did not gave me the security I needed to share such responsibility, as if he was more focused on anything but our life as a couple, but I love him more than anything. After 20 years together (3 years ago now) he broke up with me and I came back to my home town totally heartbroken. I am 43 now and I am with someone else, I feel happy, satisfied with my life as it is, love my job, love where I live and enjoy every little moment of my day. Many people tell me that I should try, but I am just in a totally different place now, it is just another stage in life passing my 40s and I feel good this way. I lived the experience in a way through my sister and friends, I know is not the same, but I know the implications. It takes a lot of energy and both my couple and I feel good with our life and do not want to risk that. I am still saying goodbye to that idea though, it is a process and I sometimes wonder what my life would be if I were a mum. I write here my little story because life is not always like we expected and we should judge less and respect more.
I am child free and, in my sixties, am completely sanguine with this decision. Perhaps, the reason this perfectly rational and reasonable choice is questioned is because evolutionary psychology of all species is to procreate for survival? Well, thanks to modern options, we, humans, can choose differently.
My theory is that people who have children live in constant trauma and this is where this negativity comes from. They are simply jealous when they realize how their lives could be if they didn't have children. I don't have children and I don't want to have children.:)
The fact is that people also have children for selfish reasons. Why is not having children selfish and having them is not? They also have them because of themselves. So many horrible undedicated parents and that is not selfish? Childfree people are just honest, not selfish at all.
It’s so upsetting being called selfish, I’m just disappointed with where our global society is headed. I feel that so many people these days have developed a insular negative behavior to people through the internet. I have anxiety and depression as a result of several autoimmune diseases. The world as it exists today is enough to make me feel awful and autoimmune runs in my family.
The reason I decided to be childfree is because of my childhood I suffered so much trauma I was sexually emotionally and verbally abused I still am dealing with my trauma I'm 33 years old and I don't regret my choice I don't want to past on that trauma to another generation
I'm 35 and childfree! I also never had the urge to be a "mum". I've even made a PROS and CONS list! PROS TO NOT HAVING A BABY - peace & quiet - keep my body the way it is - low pain tolerance (labour) - freedom - less expenses - neat and tidy house - no more added stress CONS TO NOT HAVING A BABY - I can't think of any 😂
One thing nobody mentions is what it will be like in old age. When your friends are gone, your spouse, ect, who will be there for you? It seems like a con to me….
@@bellathereader1328 Firstly, there is *zero* guarantee that having a child means that someone will be there to take care of you in old age. It could just be a lot of investment over a few decades only for them to…(1) die before you or (2) hate your stinkin guts because you only had them just so they can clean your bed pan later or (3) they are unhinged and highly toxic and just have their eye on the inheritance and assets🔪. But, more importantly, if you are having a child mainly as an insurance policy for the purpose of taking care of you when you are old…I mean that sounds kinda messed up in itself. Sounds like a con to me….
@@bellathereader1328 My old neighbour dedicated her own life to her sons. Now she sees them and their families only once a year bcs they moved abroad. Both far away. My old English teacher never had kids, never even married. Shes 75 now and lives the most active life. She has a lot of friends around her. She travels all around the world and loves meeting new people. So I never saw the 'what about when you're old argument' as really relevant. It can be true but doesn't have to be. Even if you have kids, you cant tie them to you and anything can happen.
I made the definite decision that I am not going to have children 2-3 years ago and I felt so alone with it. Especially with all the mommy content on the internet I really felt like it was „unnatural“ of me to not want children. I am so happy more and more of my favorite women on the internet are speaking up about being child-free by choice. I don’t feel so alone anymore.
I cannot wait to have kids some days, and other days I get sad thinking about how much of my freedom I will lose when I do. I know that I eventually do want children, but I completely understand not wanting kids for that reason (or any of the other reasons you listed). Not wanting kids is a valid reason in and of itself!
You should be proud that you know yourself so well...so many of us who are from an older generation just did what came next without thinking about it because it was expected--married, house, children, etc. Times are changing!
I don’t understand why people say it is selfish to not want to have kids. How is it selfish? The kids don’t even exist so you’re not withholding anything from them. You can’t be selfish with someone that doesn’t exist. It would be selfish to have kids that you don’t really want and not provide for them. Do people think that’s better?? I don’t have human kids but I have fur babies and as much as I love them, they are a handful!
Thank you so much for this video Jenny! 🥰 Childfree, 39 and I wouldn’t say I was happy or sad about it. I just don’t want it enough. I worry about the future and being alone because I don’t have family, but a really crap reason for having a kid would be fear of future loneliness. A child is not an insurance policy, a future carer, a grandchild making machine, the sole reason for our existence. I am just so glad there are more of us forging a different path which is no better or worse than any other path others choose to tread.
I have always been like you. I have known since I was 11 years old that I never wanted children. I am now 59 years old. Most people treat me like I am selfish, just don’t know myself etc. I just have always felt like only people who really love children and good intentions, should be parents. I helped raise my sisters’ children and, of course, I adore them, but I have just never had a desire to bring a kid up in this crazy world. I have always been so independent and never identified as a parent. ❤
I think your argument makes the most sense out of everything I've heard from child-free people. Most child free people I've interacted with in real life are very hateful towards children and complain about them existing. You simply don't want to have kids. It makes perfect sense to me!
I relate so much to this! I'm 29 and people ask about, or just assume, that I'm going to have children soon. But I don't want to. I don't feel like it, no biological clock ticking and I love my freedom too much to have kids. Took my family some time to get used to the idea but now they are supportive 😊
Lol I am 29 aswell. I am a Guy though but I also don't have kids and don't really want one. It makes sex harder for me because I don't like using protection on my girlfriend but at the sametime, I don't want to risk having unprotected sex with Her as She is anti abortion. But She is not too forced in having kids aswell.
@@D93-w5q If you are sure that you don't want kids, get a vasectomy. My huband did and it was no big deal. After that you don't have to use protection but there's no risk of pregnancy. Everything looks and works like before, the only difference is the little swimmers can't get through.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being childfree, we as humans have made having children is a requirement of life or to be happy. That is NOT true. We’re all different, and we all want different lifestyles and are going to have different lifestyles. You might want kids, but don’t just assume everyone around you wants kids. To each their own. The world is not in good shape right now, and I have made my decision not to have kids. No matter how financially stable, mentally stable, or physically stable, I personally will NEVER bring a baby into this world. My reasons are my reasons, which may not be the next woman’s reasons. Always remember we’re all different with choosing our lifestyles, and everyone is going to experience life differently.
When I tell people my choice to not have kids, they seem to get offended. My choice has literally no affect on any other human being than myself. No I won’t change my mind. My mind is currently focused on what I want to do, and will continue to be that way. I’m career oriented. No one should have to explain why they don’t want kids. When someone says no to something or doesn’t want to do something, they are serious about it and will stick with it.
I had kids and it's like living my worst nightmare every day when I wake up, I just wish I never wake up and I can't wait untill they grow up a little. Especially if you don't get healthy normal kids it's very traumatizing. You can't choose them
I am also a supporter of “childfree” because I don’t think this world worths coming and my potential kids could be bullied at school and might become a worker who lives a repeated and monotonous life 😂 Every time I see the standard of a “successful relationship” is to have kids and people keep romanticising “child birth”, I just feel that the relationship should not be judged like that (and why people insist on “successful” relationship 😂)
I am currently 37 years old and have no children. Since I graduated from university at the age of 24, not a month has gone by without me asking when I will have a child. I'll admit that at the time I thought motherhood was a normal stage of life that would probably happen to me as well. But a lot has happened in my life that I hadn't actually planned. I emigrated from my country, at the age of 30 I had to learn a new language from scratch, then I decided to go to university again... I'm soon will finish and hopefully start a new job. My husband lives in another city, works intensively so in my situation motherhood would more than likely bring me to focus on the baby and give up my hope to back to work. I don't like this question of whether I plan to have children or why I don't have children, because I find it hard to answer. I also don't have family and friends in the country where I currently live, who I could possibly count on when the need arises, and unfortunately I won't choose to have a child and return to my country. I feel a lot of pressure when I hear the question of motherhood because it's not that I have never wanted to have children, I also have a wonderful husband... but I think that motherhood is hard work and responsibility. A child also needs contact with society, contact with grandmothers, family... unfortunately I do not have these resources, so I will not decide to have a child. Unfortunately, by this decision, I feel doubly excluded, because at the moment I have neither a child nor a career. But still, I like my life, I try my best so I don't understand this pressure from both sides.
