When You Can't Let Go - The R Spot Episode 13 

Good bye Toxic thoughts. I'm tired of making myself suffer. Thank you Iyanla!

I'm gonna have to fall asleep with this in my ears for the next few months because I'm currently going through a break up that didn't end bad but I know the person is not qualified to provide the love I deserve. Part of me want to wait around but that other half know I deserve more! Thanks for this message!!!

She said it, "Love is a function of the soul, not a person".....bingo!

I’m going to listen to this every morning, what a great teaching to start the day.

Iyanla you are helping a lot of people around the world; you cannot even imagine. 'You are the Love You Give'. Thank you.

I have panic attacks daily because I cant let go of my husband of 10 years who left me for a very pretty lady . Its been 3 weeks now.He also sent me pics of them kissing and other pics. That tramatized me and I think about those pics night and day. Im miserable. He was my rock when my Mom passesd and I am so dependent on his love for me when my family all clown me. I an willing to move on . Im 57 and scared of dying alone. But dont know how. Im gonna listen to this message every day til it sinks in my big head. Thanks for this message.

I was a few seconds away from calling someone, I would have made a fool of myself. I am glad I found you. Thank you!! God bless you.

This darn woman is so close to perfect it's ridiculous. She's healing my life and she don't even know it.

I may need to listen to this daily. Thanks Iyanla

Got Issues? Call Miss Iyanla! Thanks for your wisdom and insight!

Its was the worst, lol.. He still wanted me and them to.. Was Hard to let go and walk away.. Thank you Jesus I did, prayed to break the Bond/need to have him in my life.. Was like the worst craving for Sweet Potato pie ever.. Eating cake now, lol..😊😊😊

"the truth is, people come into our lives to teach us the depth of our own capacity to love." This line, and the rest of Iyanla's message has caused a huge shift my perception of relationships; a very timely one. Thank you!

"once your grateful for what you have, you'll get more of that"

powerful as usual. So often we're taught that you're not a complete person unless you're with someone else. "This is my other half", "You complete me", "I'm nothing without you". love songs are a big culprit of this. And that's the reason it's so hard to let go when the relationship ends. because who are you without this person or a replacement in your life? External love is a beautiful thing but it should never be used to replace what we should already be able to provide ourselves. Everything we need is already within us.

She spoke directly into my soul.

Truly feel like she's speaking to me. Thank You 💖

Easier said than done... but I CAN DO THIS!! My mind has let me down !! My love failed me!! I am moving on 06/25/2019

This needs to be on repeat when dealing with a break up.

I started to cry really hard listening to this , because for the last 14 months, I have been feeling this pain inside, and when I try to let go, stupid little things trigger the pain back. I finally have hope that I can get over this. Thank you.

Binge watching ,receiving knowledge into my spirit ,my mind ,heart and soul. God bless u 🙄

I simply love this woman. I love her rawness and the fact she isn’t afraid to call a thing a thing. As women we need to take the love we give to a man and give it to ourselves first. I lost my self trying to take care of my ex’s emotional needs. While I was out left drowning in my sorrow and pain. I looked to him to fill my gaps of brokenness, not realizing at the time, he was just as broken as I was. Some men can smell our brokenness miles before we see them coming... some men will prey on that to get what they want. Going to counseling was the best gift I gave myself. Love starts within ourselves, it’s ok to press the reset button to realign our selves to our values and what we are seeking. I realized my brokenness was attracting broken men. To God be the Glory for self awareness. Be blessed and stand in your truth.. if you don’t like your truth, we have the power to change it... one day at a time. Ladies, we have to stick together in love and peace.. we all can learn from each other. Be blessed. ❤️😊

Thank you iyanla, you look beautiful!

Omg she opened my eyes. I never cry, but she spoke the truth and had me shedding a river.

"you are the Love you want, the Love you give, and the Love you seek"...AMEN 💜

You like the mother I always needed, everytime you speak it penetrates straight to heart & soul! God bless you Iyanla 🙏🏾❤

It's so hard to let go when you are stuck in between waiting and forgetting.😔

Ms. Iyanla you are helping somebody today!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #POWERFUL!

6:35 so powerful I felt this ...It was my love the whole time...Wow! Thank you

Iyanla is the best therapist I've ever had. She showed me how to seek fulfillment within myself and through myself because at the end of the day all we've trully and honestly have is our ownselves. Not the other person but ourselves.

Ok, I don't care if I sound like a creep. Iyanla I love ya woman👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

This woman is healing me from 20 yrs of pain...Thank you

I need to be honest with myself. Im stuck since 4 years.. It seems like I cant let go..

I can't thank you enough for this video I feel amazing and I will tell YOU I'm the weakest and most broken I've ever been and this made a difference. God bless you thank you so much

Boy, I wish I could have a sit down 1 on 1 with you...

I don't think it was about that other person. I was able to love someone unconditionally, being vulnerable, opened my heart and i felt high while taking care of him but i am scared now because i know i will never be able to give that much again.

Thank you thank you so much I really needed this message.

I am love and I am experiencing love within me. Thank you 😊

I have never felt this good about letting go...Thank you Iyanla - Love you

Find your truth and love from within, not from what everything outside says.

I crack up when people are hyper critical if you don't like the message move on.

I read "Yesterday I cried" and a seed germinated within me. This clip further nourishes that seedling!! Grateful for your assistance 🙏

My hubby..last 3 months of our marriage he had a double life..METH..4TH TIME HE OVERDOSED..after then on his cell i discovered all his cheating.. Its been almost a year now..im trying to let go..Thank you

I'm so glad you're here. Thank you.

Iyanla never disappoints!! Beautiful message 💛

"What you experience as love, is the love that I am". He let me go, this is third time. Claims to battle depression but he is only depressed with me and no one else around him. He is rational and together at work, with friends and with family. I gave him unconditional love, he had my full attention, heart and understanding. But he gave up on us. The experience of love I had with him is not the love that I am because I don't deserve false hopes and promises.

as a man, I would never share my personal issues and problems with a complete stranger, absolutely no trust, however, she gives me a feeling of comfort as if I can trust her. if I were able to sit down with this lady, I would open all the way up and let her pour her wisdom and understanding into my empty cup. I married a woman that has gotten progressively worse over these past 7 years, and I hate marriage now. be sure to take y'alls time and really investigate who you're planning to spend your life with, don't move quick because people can hide their true selves and the next thing you know is you're 4 or 5 years in and you're finding things out about your partner that you totally hate.

Sometimes ladies we think we're in LOVE until that person shows us WHO they R...if they can walk it was never LOVE.. I think wen we come to that conclusion i think it will b even easier to let it GO and forgive that person that did leave u broken hearted...and rejoice in this journey that your heavely father leading u on...SMH trust me easy for me to say cus battling THIS now but the more i dont look bac the more I'm finding self on jus letting GO and getting self prepared for the LOVE that is for me...not sally not baby moma not becky NOT no 1 loves but the 1 of my own wit my name on IT....Yesss

This message got to me so heavy bc I'm going through this now.

when you are grateful for what you had, the more of that you will attract!! iyanla I love you.

This woman is a gift! Thank you for teaching me to change my thought pattern. Thank you for being a self love role model! Thank you for teaching me to put myself first. I have just recently discovered the concept of self love, and I won’t stop until I fully embrace this beautiful gift.

The problem is loving yourself can seem like a lot of work but once you get into it is very fun and relaxing and that's exactly what I need to focus my attention on Love by myself at night focusing on someone is being nice to me all the time!!!

I need to let go of a 5 year relationship to a alcoholic he's a great guy but alcohol takes over him I love him it's hard

From the bottom of my heart 😓 Thank You so much Iyanla ❤😭💕

BLESS you Iyanla :-) thank you so much for this and your unique way of offering soothing balm (and empowerment) to the soul. I never comment on youtube, but I had to offer my gratitude to you here... and all the shared humanity in the comments to this....gosh... xxx

I knew a man for 17 years was with him 10 . This Sept was a 1 year ago he dumped me and moved on with someone else right away which he is still with her .I feel like if I never existed in his life at all he totally forgot all about me and it hurts not once did he try to come back or make contact. I was gone in his mind after so many years together. It has been so very hard for me to move forward. I try everyday to go forward and I have some really good days and then I have bad days . I hate this feeling. Thank you for your video.

This is helpful I'm young and don't need to have a relationship. Just need to truly loving me find what makes me happy. It is what it is. Everybody just isn't for you especially if you express yourself and they don't that goes with communication. Communication is key so it Means you have nothing.

It's been 3 years...I needed this. Thank you !!!!!!!!

I've been with my girlfriend / wife for 30 years. Lately in life, things got really really hard. In the end she gave up on me/us and prioritized her alcohol over me/our daughter. We began to put up boundaries and ultimately alcoholic narcissist showed her true colors. After 30 years, I had no idea who I was married to anymore. This person completely changed. It's uncomprehendable. we are now divorcing and she has moved on to someone else. And so fast! Im Completely absolutely devastated. But what I do know is, I have been an amazing husband and she will confirm it/agree, I stood by her every step of the way, fought to save our love till the very end, supported her with everything and in the end she just dumps me (AND HER DAUGHTER) because she is selfish alcoholic dealing with mid-life crisis. I can understand, but it hurts like hell. After hearing this video I feel a little better because I'm validated by hearing that I was able to fully Love Someone Else, that demonstration of my capabilities, and now I must put that Focus somewhere else. It'd be nice to share the rest of my life with another person that values me, understands me, Etc but for now I will have to look Inward and focus on myself. So many many hard days and nights, but this video helps to shift my mindset some. Thank you so much. Good luck to everyone that is suffering. "Today is not forever", better things are coming! I've also done a video on my story, check it out if you like.

She is an earth angel

thank you.....i needed this..i wasted years with a person i thought was the love of my life

It's hard to let go because of Soul Ties.

I’m trying to let go. I truly am. I’m now the person I used to laugh at people for being. Like”Why they don’t see that person doesn’t want them anymore” lol now it’s me. I reach out to him, hoping he’ll respond and reach back out so that I can see he feels the same, but he only responds with glad your doing well and then silence. After 6 years he doesn’t want me. I’m killing my own Self be cause I just won’t get it! I want to let go! I want to be over him! But I’m stuck in this lonely period and still wanting him so badly! Why is my season so long! I feel safe commenting here even though I know someone I know may see this.

Iyanla just said THE TRUTH !!! BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE! BANG !!! THANK YOU MAMMASS😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

I felt the need to leave this comment. A lot of people are going through hurt and heartbreak💔 I just want to encourage everyone to stay motivated about their life and not resort to violence or hurting another person because they walked away or cheated or whatever the situation is. Take it to God and leave it there🙏

THIS SERIES IS SO POWERFUL! I actually got my male to watch a couple of the videos with me and he's been resistant to outside help. I also visited his home & watched #FixMyLife OnDemand and hopefully some of THAT energy soaked into his soul as well.We'd lost hope but not our love so he knows that counseling is a must if we're to rise above our challenges. I'm so grateful for this opportunity to re-learn & grow.

I should have watched it before...that's what I needed Thanks for your words Iyanla

Where is the tutorial on how to acknowledge the love inside me and be fine with just that?

this is my favourite episode!! WOW I feel so validated and seen.

If there was ever a message that hit home, this one is it. I don't know how to thank this women for all that her words have given me. I'm so thankful that God is using this exceptional woman as a vessel. Thank you Jesus...

Thanks so much for this video. I've been struggling for over a year every day trying to get over a narcissist abusive relationship. It happened slowly and told myself no more after last outburst from him with no apology. But I've missed our good side so much. The strong connection we had. I knew it had become toxic but I found myself trying everything to fix the bad to keep the good. Just what he, as a narcissist wanted. I've been suffering with letting go and am so grateful for this video Iyanla. Thanks so much for what you do 💕

11 weeks of break up hell, I was meant to watch this video I feel so relieved already thank you xx

I verbally abused the only man that’s ever loved me. Not once,twice, but 3 times. The 3rd time, he left me! He kept trying to see the best in me. We kept allowing my trauma,pain, and “hard life” to rationalize my behavior. It’s been a week today since he left. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. I am an abused woman who abuses. I am co-dependent on others because I lack the tools to love myself. The love I want to give is toxic. So I need to focus on myself.. I just never been taught how to heal. I’ve never been taught how to self reflect. I’ve never been taught how to not abuse just because I was sexually,physically, and mentally abused before I was even a teenager. I am happy today. Even though my mind is everywhere. I am happy because healing is possible for me. I never knew true healing existed. I was taught that you just “live” with all your trauma and pain. And that time heals all wounds. So you just suffer but it’s ok. Just long as you don’t kill yourself or give up mentally. Iyanla I’ve been gaining so much insight from you. Wish I could have gone on your show and gotten help. But your teachings will suffice. May the universe and our ancestors bless you 🪄

Damn im obsessed with this woman shes so smart since i found her im learning how to love myself! I cant even explain how i feel when i hear her

three months of bliss ended so quickly....thank you...i will let go

Thank you Iyanla!! I really needed this. 👍🏼

You are whole and complete within yourself. train your mind to focus on you. Anytime you have the sad feeling, missing, wanting thing comes up.. take a breath and change the thought. Be mindful not to entertain any toxic thoughts..that will lead you down self destruction. Tell yourself no, I'm choosing to let go. Be grateful for the time you had. Shift those memories of what you no longer have into state of gratitude. Don't deny the feelings that you still want that person but have boundaries of what you will and will not do or think. Don't allow it to control you.

wow, you are just what i needed to find. someone who tells the tough truth but at the same time ackowledges sincerely the pain and loss in an authetic empathetic way. you are a magnificent being and i am grateful that you make videos!

Omg, when my mind was running with thoughts of him I would yell out "STOP" so I'm glad I was not losing my mind by saying that lol

This has changed my life, thank you.

Thank you Iyanla, I love how you come from a place of healing and reconstructing a broken heart and not a negative place. I believe healing, opening your heart and being vulnerable is always possible after a heart break no matter how hard or impossible it may seem :)

Thank you for these words,they made me feel better. After a year , my mind seems to not accept the reality that it’s over and we will never get married. I understand it but it doesn’t seem real, still. I never contacted him, not even once, since the day he told me to move on and that he cannot marry me due to his financial reasons. I tried to make it work for so long. I told him I would help him , i would work more. I’m a teacher , he didn’t like my job, he thought of it low. He told me to sell the ring he gave me since he owes me money. I cannot sell the ring I am too attached to it. I have been meeting some nice people. People I would have loved to date and marry if I wasn’t feeling so dead inside. The people want to marry me, but I feel I am just robotic. I want to feel love for them , but I don’t have it in me anymore. What should I do. I feel like I’m going to be like this forever. Don’t know how to feel better.

I love "Dont deny my feelings for the person"...But I Need Boundaries while I heal & Let Go!! Thank u....my angel...❤

This is so inspirational. .wow I'm listening..🌷

I needed to hear this... Thank you!

Wowwww.. Just wowwww

I waited for 8 months of just having hope that one day he will come back . We were sharing our location, but then I thought for a second that why am I hurting my self in this way. I just feel that I haven't moved on not because of him but because I am not giving my self the opportunity to move. Holding on to him for 8 months my old self will be saying crazy things about my behavior.I believe that is time to just live,enjoy & repeat.

This is exactly what my soul needed to hear. I feel at peace, but I also know there is some hard work ahead of me. I will listen to this one on repeat ❤️

Thank you so much for this, I am having a struggling relationship with breakup make up patern. And huge issues. I can't stop needing the attention.

Yes, yes!! Amazing video! I needed to hear every word. Thanks for all your valuable information. Love you!!

Why is it the person that left the relationship by cheating, or disrespecting the relationship, the ones that can't move on? They convince themselves that they should be forgiven and given another chance. They continue to contact the person that has asked them to leave them alone.

my first love left me year ago he moved on recently and i still can't let go.. i am stuck here wishing we handled relationship differently now he got new girlfriend and i am happy for him even though it hurts that we couldn't be happy. Maybe we just had to learn some lessons and i can't let go because i wanted us to grow old together i need to let go of that part of my life and belive i can be happy and let go of memories :) We are still in each other lifes and i am grateful for that, relationship wasn't right but i got a new friend maybe for life :)

you rock !!!! yoga hepled free m from a relationship that became a waste of time

i love how wise this woman is 😍 thank you Xx

How she can bring out things in the subconscious mind one never knows exist n it's really effective for healing...just love you Iyanla!!

my God you are so on point! every time I watch another video I am at peace more and more with what is. that's unheard of for me given my history of hysterics, drama, melt downs and desperation. thank you so very much. these moments are gold to me.

I wish they had video’s like this when I was growing up, the stuff my generation didn’t have knowledge of, just left with feelings instead of education that we are getting in this video

I needed every word of this. Thank you, sincerely.

New way to talk to myself when I think of him who is not willing commit but still wants to talk "I know you want that but it's just not good for you" Thank you Iyanla

Thank God he lead me to your channel your message is on point!

Wow, truly inspiring. One of the most profound and powerful videos I've seen from Iyanla!🙏💖