I'm 35. Growing up, I didn't even know trans lesbians were a thing. So I didn't think I was trans. Everyone in high school was convinced I was a gay guy, despite my protests. Thought for years, "Maybe I'm just bi or something?". Used that label for years, but then I tried being with a guy, and was miserable. Came out as trans at 33. Realized I was a lesbian a few months after. Your vids helped. I grew up not being able to make sense of my sexuality. It was extremely confusing to me. I thought I was the only one.
This is exactly why I wanted to make this video. I also had everyone around me assume I was a gay guy until I came out as trans... So much to navigate. So glad you've found an identity with which you're comfortable. ❤️
Hey friend. I'm 46 and came out about 7 months ago. Our situations (sans the years difference) are pretty much the same. Tried the gay/bi thing and yeah...not my bag of chips. lol
Pretty sure there are other ways to have sex lol also Pretty sure not all trans girls have dicks LMFAO. Also if you have a prostate that shit is Pretty enjoyable. @@Queserasera_LaLaLa
This is why I subscribed to you. Because this is exactly how I feel as a transwoman that is attracted to woman. It's hard to call myself a lesbian because of my trans identity. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Thank you for making this video it really helped.
Dating apps can be very hard, and it's awful that there is so much prejudice against trans women, but please don't stop trying. Take time for yourself as much as you need, but I promise that there are plenty of people out there who would love to be in a relationship with you. I'm sending you lots of love 💛
@@leebaratineur108 No one said it was lesbian is attraction to women by women. If you think trans women aren't legitimate that's prejudice let's not play
@@Kaylakaykay1997: Boone just did. A lesbian is a female homosexual. That's a female person that is exclusively same sex attracted. If you think otherwise, that's homophopbic.
I have a friend who’s trans and has been transitioning since a teenager as well. She always thought she was into men only, as she came out as a gay boy first at 11, the transitioned at 15-16. Now that she’s 22, she’s having a sexuality crisis… she told me… and is realizing that she’s really into women. I know she’s scared but know this video will be helpful for her. So thank you on her behalf haha :)
@@alexandravalentina4854 Because most of society has been programmed into hetero/cisnormalitvity by the religion and the status quo! Even two androgynous beings will have a sexual and romantic attraction to each other!
This is very interesting, because growing up I felt the exact opposite. I never had any troubles accepting that I liked girls, but growing in a very transphobic place, I could never accept that I liked feminine things. I did, however, have a very weird attraction history (not gonna say dating history cause I married the only woman I dated lol). I could never see girls in the way that other boys talked about them and I was always very awkward when trying to take the first step, because it always felt wrong to me. Accepting myself as trans, I can see now why it was such a hard thing for me to believe girls would like me (maybe I should watch some lesbian coming out stories?)... This is a long winded way to say thank you for this video! You gave me a lot to think about!
@@nakyrolly I hear you, and I see you. I know this time must be incredibly difficult, but please don't lose hope. I don't know your situation, but you never know what the future holds. Please stay true to yourself and give yourself as much patience and grace as possible. I fully believe that you can have a very bright future where you feel comfortable and at home with who you are. I'm sending lots of love 💛
It's a journey, and it's a process. There very well may be bumps in the road, but I know it's going to get better and better as time goes on. I'm sending lots of well wishes 💛
I literally find it impossible the amount of wisdom that you have for 20 years old (I believe). I can't begin to express to you how important this video is for me. I love and accept you too :)
I know I’m late to the watch, but it’s been nice to hear someone with a similar identity and of a similar age talk about this kinda stuff. It took me a while to accept being a lesbian after coming out as transfemme, but that’s who I am. I’ve always liked girls… but it took me a bit to start figuring gender out.
thank you for putting this video out there! it means a lot to me. i think i am a transfem lesbian and i relate to a lot of the things you said and it’s a little difficult for me cuz i don’t know where to start with my transition. im taking it one step at a time and im rlly grateful for having supportive queer friends. have a nice day :))
You are so incredibly welcome, and thank YOU for taking the time to write this lovely message!!! It sounds like you're doing what you need to be doing, and I'm so happy you have support. I'm wishing you all the very, very best!!! 💛💛💛 ~Boone
Thank you for your video. It's so relatable and funny when you speak about 'trying to like men'. So many times I just wanted to fit in and be 'normal'. I am trans and I love women. I am Pan, so I can also find men attractive in a demiromantic way. Accepting who I am has made all my relationships more authentic. Talking about it helps other people to look inward and find better comfort with those things that are not so 'normal'.
I relate to this soo much! It made me cry soo much. I'm 31 and having to realize this for the first time. Your words speaked volumes!!! I relate to your experience!, 💜 this validation is something I really really needed it. 💜
Thank You I’ve been feeling like this for awhile and I couldn’t wrap around my head as a fellow TransWoman I can relate and I just hate that I can’t fully lean into neither categories I just accept that I’m nobody else I’m Mii I’m TransWoman and Are Attracted to women and feel safer around them.
Boone?! Holy crap! I watched your younger years. I so wanted your hair lol. I'm a transgender lesbian also. You're not alone. I'm here. Unfortunately letting you know is about all I can do. But your old videos did help and they pushed me on. I still want that hair! I'm glad to see you're still hanging in there. Keep your head up girly.
Thank you for this video! I’m currently having a sexuality crisis of my own and just hearing you talk about your journey and how you too went through what I’m going through is definitely comforting. Happy Thanksgiving 💜
I totally get that. It wasn't until I found your channel that I realized that my dysphoria and attraction to women could coexist, and your channel has been such an inspiration. There are very few trans-lesbian youtubers, and the only other one I have found is Contrapoints, and she has a very good video describing a similar conundrum, I think it is called "Shame."
I am so honored and happy to hear that. It can be such an isolating experience, and I feel so incredibly privileged to have the ability to reach other people who have been through similar situations as I have. Contra points is wonderful. That's a great video
I also think that the separation between gender and sexuality needs to be made clear in schools, specifically when training for positions such as psychologist or therapist. Like, on some days, I feel a little in-between, in terms of gender, and, though I still use the same pronouns (she/her), on those days I don't really think of myself as a gender. However, I remain attracted to women, and I remain a lesbian.
Yeah absolutely. There needs to be so much more discussion around all of this. I feel that the majority of people who would be labeled as allies still have a very surface level understanding of the infinite possibilities in terms of transgender and non-binary experiences
Thank you for being a role model. I am enlightened at least a little bit. I’ve been struggling with internalized transphobia and don’t feel comfortable claiming to be a trans lesbian even though that’s my end goal and even though I’ve had srs and on hrt. To make peace with myself and people around me, I decided to identify as transfem nonbinary instead to make people not think of me as a guy, which is the least I can accept.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm really glad this video has been helpful in some way. It is a long and very personal journey. All we can ever do is take things as they come and do what feels most comfortable for us in every given moment. I have confidence that you will pave a path for yourself that feels right and affirming, and I am absolutely rooting for you. Thank you and good luck :) 💛
The best part of realizing I was a trans lesbian is finally being able to date somewhat comfortably. As an egg I didn’t feel comfortable dating because I wasn’t who I wanted to be, and I would also find myself more attracted to lesbians due to wanting to be a woman and them being the people I’d date
have u heard of Contrapoints? her video 'shame" is about her figuring she was translesbian and how hard it was, I think she is releasing another video detailing struggles that translesbians specifically go through
Thank you for this, I am a young trans woman who also are a lesbian, this video meant a lot to me and I just wanted to say that you are an amazing person and thank you for making this 😊
Being strongly and near-exclusively fem-attracted made pinning down my trans-ness rather tricky. It seems like you had your revelations in the opposite order as me 😂
Im 30 years old, livin that CIS life, I've known I was like you since pre-school always been out about it cause lets face it folks don't know understand anyway. What you said about "People accepting your legitamacy as a lesbian them first needing to accept your legitamacy as a woman" YES. All I can say from where I'm standing is YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE.
Might this be confusing: trans-feminine, sapphic, asexual, married to straight woman? It's actually not for me or my wife, but many other people simply cannot understand.
I fucking love you! This is the exact video/peptalk/speech I needed rn. Thank you! I'm a 46 y/o trans woman who came out about 7 months ago. I am a nomad and unfortunately, since I finally found myself, I have been going through "red" states and it has been a...well...trial by fire experience? Your videos are an oasis in my duality journey.
That sounds like such an intense journey, and thank you so much for sharing it with me! I'm so happy that this video has been helpful for you, and I'm wishing you the very very best as things move forward :). 💛💛💛💛
As a cis lesbian, I completely respect your openness and vulnerability here, and I understand that you can be trans and still be attracted to women, but I personally would not be attracted to a transgender woman and hope that there are solutions to this that doesn't harm the lesbian community or the trans community. I think being open does help both sides. There seems to be this notion that lesbians need to be open to trans girls to not be transphobic, but I don't think that that's true. Homosexuals can live peacefully alongside female-attracted trans girls if we communicate properly when intersecting in spaces. I think that a female-attracted trans girl should be able to enter sapphic spaces as long as they understand that in most cases, lesbians will not be attracted to them, and bisexuals are more likely to be open to dating them. Trans women attracted to women should also try to clarify their transhood when in a sapphic space so that there isn't so much confusion. I also totally support T4T!! I think that is awesome. For the record, what I'm doing here is attempting to suggest compromises throughout our communities, because the reality is that the traditional label for and conceptualization of lesbianism involves biological sex more than gender presentation, and regardless of how hard lesbians have tried to have an interest in the male sex throughout history, it just is not possible. Of course by saying this I'll be called all sorts of names, "transphobic", "TERF", yadda yadda yadda... It seems these words are being overused and losing their true meaning. Staying grounded in reality and working through REAL complications to see eye to eye is not transphobia people!! Anyways, I digress. Trans girls attracted to women do exist, yes, but we still need to establish boundaries.
Haha yeah, be attracted to who you want! Back when I considered myself a trans lesbian I got upset about it at first but realized over time women like you do us a favor by being honest. Now I took the exit ramp and walked away from our creepy sex defined culture drowned in booze and regrets on all sides, and I feel like a million bucks! Funny thing about coming out and being yourself eventually over time you run out cares to be like everyone else, and I learned to enjoy my own company. I am bi now but choose to live an ace lifestyle where I allow intimate friendship in if the person is actually worth it, no matter how they see me. Gender liberation is a fantastic ride and being a relationship anarchist is what life is all about for me.
I do really appreciate you being honest. I sometimes wonder about the world and it's obsession with gender segregation, like the whole you can't be in x space thing. At this point I just avoid those kind of spaces, I imagine in a hundred years gender segregation will be like racial segregation, but for now I get a front row seat to watch the culture war play out.
My only question is why let them in if it is just a token gesture for you. You may as well just be out and and proud with your exclusion if you all ready are willing to say all that other stuff. I find that odd.
@@OpalDruscilla When you're calling careful analyzing of homophobia and predation "exclusion" you know the world has gone askew. I am not saying this to segregate very rare instances and generalize people, I am saying this based on the wide-spread change occurring within society. Social contagion for one thing, has manipulated once free-thinkers into black-and-white, victimization mentality. The second anyone has an opinion that diverts even slightly from the mainstream view, people like you jump immediately to boxing others into particular labels and insults. I used to be incredibly left-leaning, and very much in the same position as you, until I got prayed upon multiple times by "trans" identifying individuals. If you were allying with the trans community or IN the trans community, you would at least HOPE you'd want to find ways to get rid of and wean out those fakers who misrepresent and pull apart your community, wouldn't you? But no, it is a consistent, immediate jump to defence for those predatory people because you cannot handle the fact that there ARE bad people out there who use the identity to cause harm. I wouldn't be saying all of this is so much hadn't happened to me. Until you've been sexually wronged by a "trans" individual, sexually harassed by another, and lost your detransitioner family friend to suicide, I don't want to hear it honestly. I probably won't even bother continuing this conversation to be honest, due to the immediate name-calling and box-segregation as a result of my politely shared opinions and propositions, I reckon the group-think is strong and that it isn't worth it to have a conversation here. There are more respectful, mature ways to debate someone, but it seems many have forgotten that. I spoke to a complete, religious homophobe the other day, and we actually had a really nice conversation. We politely shared opinions, asked questions, and ended the conversation having both learned from one another. That is how a conversation should go. But I see no use in that hear. All I can say is I hope you have a wonderful day and life, and that nobody approaches your ideas with such an immediate hatred as you have mine. Best wishes to you.
@@OpalDruscilla After having explicitly stated my boundaries to many trans "lesbians", they have continued to breach them. Even close "friends" of mine have touched me in ways I expressed I did not like. When I said I was not attracted to amab individuals, they hadn't taken this as a hint, instead reminding me of their "lesbianism." If you think there should be nothing done to wean out these people from your community, I start to wonder about how you fit into all of this. More willing to risk predators thriving than admit there are issues in your community and solutions needed. More willing to protect those possible fake "trans" predators than possible "transphobes" (as you'd probably label me). It's a joke really. Is the comfort of a small minority more important than the SAFETY of a group of people? Do you prioritize comfort, or safety more? Because I as a lesbian am personally fine with being uncomfortable from time to time if it means more people can escape sexual assault, harassment, etc. I cross the street when behind another woman (though I am cis, I'm very tall and masc presenting), and if someone was feeling unsafe by any instances of LITERAL ALTERATIONS of language that have been proven to have backed up instances of unsafe behaviour, I would take time to listen to these people.
Hi Boone, i just discovered you. You just thought me so much, and that feels weird because i' m old enough to be your father, i mean mother. 😊 I' ve always been teaching and training younger people, it' s funny how today your generation is teaching me. And also, i love how open, smart, sweet, strong... you are. Thank you so much!
As a trans lesbian woman watching this video (that's part of how I found your channel originally a few months ago) I relate with the identity struggle you're speaking of. It's always been hard for me to find the right words to explain the situation and I agree that people (usually cis-straight but no offense intended to anyone cis-straight reading) usually are thrown into a spiral when you explain the idea of being both to them. So your videos are helping & reaching members of our more unique community as well. Wishing you all the best and thank you for making this great video. Edit: fixing typo
Thank you so much for this. This is all I could hope for in putting my wacky thoughts out onto the vast internet. Much love and thank you for taking the time to watch and write this :) 💛
Been a battle for me personally I'm sure it's a struggle for everyone ,few trans friends I had wanted male partners and I was already going threw htr :3 so they moved on ,was the oddball ,I'd prefer a trans lesbian but I'm not seeing a dating market , you look gorgeous btw thanks for posting the video has given me some insight.
I know it can be such a struggle, especially in the early stages of transition. I'm really proud of you for being yourself, and I'm really happy you get to be. I know it sounds super cheesy, but everything really does get easier with time. :) Thank you so much for your kind words, and I'm wishing you all the best!!! 💛💛
@@boonewilliams5338 Thank you for the reply I've been on htr since 2016 abit off and on due to a doctor issue I had , I wouldn't say cheesy just dunno if times on my side on that bit lol lost alot of friends going down this road, but they probably wasn't my friends to begin with ,still making new friends is not a skill set I'm all that Good at kinda a Introvert , anywho it does Make me happy to see RU-vidrs such as yourself lending aid and advice.
@@treedreamerwhisper3983 I'm so sorry things have been so hard. It sucks :/ I really do promise you that things can and will change for the better. It's a wild journey, but I know you've got this 💛
@@boonewilliams5338 :) let's hope so and I'll take your word for it . Even if not I'd like to least be a positive voice for the others that have it rough out here as well. Least help if it's in my limits . Might as well give you a like and a sub while I'm at it ;) .
@@treedreamerwhisper3983 Well thank you very much, and that is such a generous perspective. I am absolutely rooting you on from the sidelines. You got this 💛
This video was so validating to watch. I have a very similar experience to this, being a trans lesbian myself. I have often struggled with being almost invalidated being both, because if I am trans, then why am I not attracted to men. And if I am a lesbian, then I just a creepy straight dude. Yes, it is bad, it sucks. But, it’s calming to know someone feels the same way, so thanks.
Oh a trans woman attracted to other trans women. That`s a gay man, not a lesbian. I thought Boone was attracted to lesbians, which is a tough call, as lesbians don`t want men. Oh well..
I am so happy I found your youtube channel and this video. The girl that I am seeing rn is a trans lesbian, I am a non-binary lesbian and ive been struggling to find information of how she might be feeling or has felt in the past. I’m unsure the best way to ask her some of these very personal questions as we just started seeing each other but it is important to me that she feels completely safe and understood when she is with me. Thank you for sharing your story, this representation is so important
Watching this i relate to you so much I felt and struggled exactly the same during my life . Thank you for uploading this video because it’s helped me know im not alone xxxx
Is your gf str8 or Lesbian? I haven't had luck with Lesbians who don't consider trans women as women or str8 women who see me as a girl and won't date me because they're not lesbian. Str8 women try to convince to go back to being a male after a few dates. It's very confusing and troubling 😭
Gosh. I'm so sorry. I know dating as a trans woman can be so challenging. I promise you it will get easier, and you'll find someone who sees you for who you are and is attracted to precisely that. I don't have a girlfriend, but I dated a lesbian years ago
Have you heard of the Wachowski sisters? They are the directors of the Matrix movies. They are both trans lesbians. I think its more common than you think.
Thank you for sharing! I only made it to minute 3 but knowing that it's not painful because I'm a failure but that this just comes with the experience - it sort of makes me feel so much better right now!!
Wow I am SO happy to have been able to allow you to know that. You are NOT a failure. We walk difficult roads, but we are beautiful, valuable human beings, even if we don't always feel it sometimes (which is society's fault! Not ours) you're amazing. Keep being you. Life always comes with ups and downs, but I know that it will get a whole lot better 💛💛💛
This is my first time commenting on your channel, I just wanted to let you that I adore your content and as a fellow woman loving woman I learn so much from your videos. Also a happy 20th birthday, btw that lipstick shade looks great on you and you’re supper pretty as well 🥰
Realizing I am bi kinda saved my sanity lol, but these days I live more of an ace lifestyle because people are hella weird and controlling in every gender group.
Thank you for this video Boone, I'm starting gender therapy maybe next week (amab mtf) in secret from my dad (my mom knows) I'm attracted to guys , so I can't relate mostly but these are still very valuable to know I hope it goes well. You are a real inspiration for me, have a good day/evening
I had a period of my life were I tried to convince myself I was pan. I felt different to "other" straight boys so I felt like I should be gay or something. I also get envious of cis lesbians for having to come out as liking girls. I was always "supposed" to like girls so it's not "surprising" I do. But by lacking this very common lesbian and homosexual experience of liking a gender "surprisingly" can I really call myself one ? But yet I'll still need to come out as liking girls because by being trans people will be assuming I like guys because they'll either assume I'm a straight woman or they'll assume I'm a "so feminine gay guy that they want to be a girl". But by liking girls, I must only be a weirdo with no legitimacy of calling myself LGBT and a lesbian especially or some other weird stuff I'm telling myself. Sorry with the rambling but I relate with what you say a lot.
@@boonewilliams5338 thanks sweetie..nice of you to respond..much appreciated.....I was never able to really achieve total fulfillment or make the perfect connection...but have had a good life regardless..
@@boonewilliams5338 well that's awesome ..haha thanks....I feel great... Can't relate to my age I feel the same as I did when I was in my forties... Lots of energy.. no sickness.. no sore bones no aches and pains..... I guess there's still hope
I definitely wouldn't be comfy dating other women in boymode. I wasn't really interested in relationships until I figured out I was trans, because I just couldn't see myself dating a Woman as a guy. But I felt right at home reading Lesbian romance.
You can try to find a cis or trans lesbian. You have the advantage of knowing what trans is about so it might be easier to connect with another trans woman. Just thinking out loud. My exe is trans and this is what he said to me, that he'll probably end up with another trans. I don't know how frequent this is in the community. If he mentioned it, he must see it often.
Never doubt yourself. Your heart will not lie to you. If the world does not listen, that's on them but if doesn't change your truth. Be true to yourself, love yourself. Follow your heart, always. I'm proud of you for sharing your feelings.
It’s really hard for me cause I can’t find a partner either until I’ve transitioned. So I have to be alone and suffer gender dysphoria at the same time. It’s really hard to be hit in two places at once. Being transgender and lesbian is a very isolating condition. Not only due to the lack of a chance to have a relationship but also cause nobody understands you.
It is really hard. It's so, so hard. All I can say, and I really hope it provides some comfort, is: I felt the exact same way. I felt so alone and lost and misunderstood. Dating seemed absolutely impossible. It takes time, but things do start to make sense. I'm very lucky to feel as comfortable with myself as I am now. I have a great sense of self worth. I have people that care about me, and dating feels pretty normal. I know it feels impossible now, but it WILL get better. I promise 💛
I understand ❤️ it is my pleasure to make videos like these, and it makes me so happy that people find them helpful. Congratulations on stepping into your truth. I wish you the very best ❤️
I'm 53 and a Trans Lesbian. Most say that you're MTF trans if you like men and are suicidal. I was never suicidal and I never liked men so I wasn't trans... Right? Wrong. Being expected to date women and wanting to date women meant that I could have what I wanted but not be what I wanted. I saw your videos several months ago and everything fell into place. Trans-Les is real and its OK! Thank you!!!
Being a lesbian has definitely been the biggest reason for my own internalized transphobia. It's a strange mix of not seeing enough representation in media, on YT etc., and seeing a lot of trans lesbians on forums like Reddit where you don't see the faces or names and basically just look at memes. I kept thinking both that there were no lesbian trans women, and like there were "too many" at the same time. I've always related to your channel because you're sharing very honest feeling about it and it's really helped me feel valid as well. I think Zoey Alexandria maybe had a girlfriend, but otherwise there hasn't been much. I've spent so much time trying to be a straight guy, because it would be easier, especially since I tend to fall for straight girl and it's frustrating to know that if I had just been cis we could've been together. I dated a girl who was bi who told me that I wasn't manly enough and if she was gonna have a man he needed to be manly, and egg me felt very lost and didn't really know what to do with it, because I didn't want to be more manly and I didn't know why. In a way I'm still in the same situation. I know a girl that I really like, and who I also feel might've been interested in me at some point, despite how I'm obviously super fem (atm still presenting male because getting treatment takes a really long time where I live and I don't want to be out several years before I can transition, but the way I act, speak and dress etc, especially around her, also makes it really obvious that I'm trans), but I know that she is straight so it would be impossible. Always love your content, thank you for this video and I hope you've had a great birthday ❤️
Same. Big f-ing same. I don't pass, and probably will never pass, I will never be skinny and cis passing like so many younger trans girls. It sucks to feel one way about myself but not have any of it reflected back to me from other trans people and cis lesbians.
Honey, the question for me was, ' am i attracted to girls or do i want to be a girl? Answer? Both ! Its beautiful ! - youre WAY overthinking it. fuck labels. be you, michele mtf ❤️💋
Actually one of the great joys I had from coming out as a trans lesbian resulted from the fact that my closest friend was a lesbian. I had always felt a little envious when she hung out with other lesbians and I was excluded for being the straight cis guy trying to invade their space (especially for things like queer movie nights). But when I transitioned I got to enjoy the fun of being a lesbian, and it actually felt reaffirming in my identity as a woman because I got to relate to other women as well. Great video, thanks for sharing your experiences!
Thank you so much for sharing your positive perspective and experience! In a way, I can relate to that as well. Before coming out, I always felt a certain kinship with other lesbians.
I never had the issue of Not being able to Accept that I Liked Girls as a trans Woman. It's Strange what Kind of Hoops we try to make ourselves jump through, even if we are already not cis or heteronormative. Of course trans woman can be gay, or whatever there is for cis people. But I can empathize with you
I never had that problem. Some people dont get "trans". Some dont get someone can be bi. Sone dont understand the difference between identity and orientation. Onece I accepted I was a girl (not easy and sometimes I still struggle when I'm not well) I had top basing my identity on others understanding or accepting. You cannot please everyone. I am a trans woman now favori ng females but it has been a long road there. Let me give you a perspective why it sometimes is better not to try fitting everything into neat boxes and stereotypes. I started out thiking I was a straight guy. Then fell for my best male friend and the thought of also linking girls was washed aside for a while. Had experiences with a guy or two until I met my then male spouse 20 years ago. So I lived in a homosexual relationship. After being together with them for 10 years and drifting ever onward to the female role I realised I not only had strong female aspects and preferred them but that I was a woman. i teansitioned and we lived in a hetero relationship for 9 years with them. I had crushes on mostly other women in the time we have been together (we are both open to polyanory). Last summer my spouse also realised she is a woman and is now transitioning and our relationship Is sapphic. I have never been more drawn to my spouse more than now that she becomes more and more female. I love being in a lesbian relationship but due to my experiences giving it a nice box people's can put us in seemes pointleas. I however deeply empathize with your struggles, I had enought that are similar.
Forewarning, my humor is a bit dark, not crossing lines dark, but, irony dark I'll be using phrases like "infected with The Gay" and "infected with The Trans", not because I believe that, but, because I wish to make a mockery of both those bs takes as much as possible, as even when I lived the lie of cis and straight, I thought they were absurd ideas even then. I hope that doesn't come across different. That said, I've a few responses to this vid that I desperately need to see today due to... the emotional paralyzation inherent with realizing that while there's this escalating hate coming through in a concentrated way in the US, which could very very soon lead to many many deaths or other purgings... I'm going to have an essay's worth of responses because this is one of the few times I'm actually able to talk about this with someone else who is the same, so, if you read this, I am sorry, I am an aspie, and this is something I want to talk about, and, my brain does not allow me to not be detailed with what I type. The essay's worth of responses will be in the replies to this comment, so, if you don't want to read it, I get it, but, if you for some reason do, there you go. I am sorry in advance for the word walls, I'll at least try to keep it interesting. A concept you brought up that I've thought about incessantly for years, even before I realized I was trans (didn't realize that til january of 2022) I'd like to further clarify: A few years ago, when I still identified as cis (despite my silent pleas for help with confusion by my long-time running "jokes" of "I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body." and "I'm broke, I need to get out the fishnets out and go to work the corner, I wonder if I can charge more because I'm a bearded lady trans hooker?" and I mean, I love Rocky Horror Picture Show viewings because it gave me a socially acceptable reason to dress as a lady), my ex and I walked into an ex friend of hers who she was actively trying to avoid. That ex friend was absolutely a manhater. I'm not using the term in a misogynous or slur way, I mean it, according to my ex, the friend would go on long rants how she hates men and hope that they all die a horrible death. Her ex friend was also, ofc, a lesbian, and her GF was with her. I asked my ex who the GF was, and my ex let me know that the GF was a trans-woman. I then, without thinking, ignorantly asked "Well, what was the point in getting a lop-it-off-of-me if she's just going to date women anyway?" After a well deserved reprimand for my ignorance, my ex clarified that sexual attraction had nothing to do with the trans-process, she's a trans lady because she is trans and that's it. I hate coming across as a bigot, and am a feminist despite cis-straight and cis-lesbian women who claim to be feminists turning our existence into a false dichotomy ideological debate. So, this was something I really needed a long think on. That think lasted (continuiously because I have rubberband ball of active long-term and short term thinking topics running constantly at the same time) about two months. That was how long it took me to dissect things. I realized why I'd said that bigoted statement. One reason I buried because it was due to Freudian Projection and I wasn't ready to admit to myself I'm trans and have always known I'm trans on some level on the fringe of my beleaguered and masking shackled consciousness, but, *THE* reason being that it was a progression of the statement: "Only gay people go through trans ops so that they can be viewed as straight." had been reinforced in me by society. Not directly spoken, but, applied. Applied algorithmically. The only time I saw trans people on facebook were trans-folk who were straight. Part of my brain was trained to accept them as straight, however, the portion which was conditioned by society the most was trained to view such folk as gay with a "plumbing change to appear straight because that's how they become natural." The press focuses on trans-folk in the same light. The issue is, a lot of this is in subtext, and in imagery, in the way words are said but never outright said. It sucks because it feels like you need a tin-foil cap to talk about it, but, it's there, always there, the marketing. I've worked customer service and sales and was very successful at both. Of the sales campaigns, one was for a billion dollar corpo who specialized in venture capitalism. Part of their training was to fill us sales agents in on their process for coming up with the catch phrases they engineered. We were told the process to ensure that we comprehended why, even if that scripted catch phrase seemed grammatically incorrect, it was not and should always be read verbatim, because they pay industrial psychologists (read: professional brainwashers who use solid science whose research has been highly funded to a level of money that morals and ethics fall by the wayside, as does the Hippocratic Oath, and in my opinion, the person's soul) to find the magical word combo to maximize a buy response from someone regardless if they actually wanted to buy it or not. My sales went through the roof when I was informed about that and had a supervisor who'd worked a sales campaign previously, who had a Masters in clinical psychology, confirm that it wasn't just psycho-babble meant to trick us in to selling better for them. That is how far along corpo's were 10 years ago, in 2013... this sounds outlandish, but, marketing is far more involved than we are lead to be in a very concrete way. So, that above assumption is not a coincidence. It may not be a focus either, but, it's calculated on some level and basically forces a feeling in the public "Trans people turn trans so that they can be straight. All trans people are gay before they have trans. The op is done and they are now trans and not gay." as if one cannot be gay and trans at the same time. Obviously that reasoning is both homophobic and transphobic, however, it is still at the core of my months of intense thought on the topic. I didn't use external resources to determine that, granted, just followed the bread crumb trail the statement I said had to what caused it. I believe that to be one of the direct statements which causes the conflict in those of us who are both trans and gay and others in the greater community, and of course, the public. Which if that's the case, it's chilling to think of because that means, posturing is "We already allowed gay marriage, we already allowed you to be gay. We may allow you to be trans, possibly, but you can never be trans and gay because we will only allow you to be one or the other and never both." As stands, no one allows us to do anything as far as I'm concerned, and the fact that that is the underpinning assumption from the "not-religious extremist moderates" sickens me if that narrative applies on the scale that I suspect it does.
I had more, but, then I realized, I'm a rando on the interwebs an this is already TMI, sooo. there's nothing more in the replies like I claimed there would be.
I definitely feel a lot of what you said and it definitely hard dating as a trans girl who's interested in other women. And when I came out to my family my mom got confused when I told her I was interested in women. I am Just glad I'm not the only one out there dealing with this. One reason I love your content. Wish you the best with everything love sent your way!!!
I have suppressed my real sexuality for years because I was so scared. Now, I feel like I wanna die and I don't understand why. I thought I was having fun but maybe I only didn't know how to separate my feelings from however had fun with me... I just feel so sick rn
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's okay to not know. Curiosity and exploration are wonderful. I know it seems impossible right now, but it WILL get easier and better. I absolutely promise. Things will start to feel clearer in time. I'm sending you a lot of love 💛
Okay I don’t know how I literally just found your channel tonight but I feel like you are reading my mind!! Currently struggling with all of this and feeling like an outsider with my friends because no matter how hard I try, I just can’t make myself feel any attraction to men. But at the same time having the difficult realization that I’ve been trying to like men for years because that feels like a safer or less threatening way to connect with other women rather than owning the fact that I’m gayyyyy. Even after living very comfortably as stealth for years! I really feel the black and white/either-or thing. Thanks for talking about this and doing everything that you do on this channel, it is so validating to see that this isn’t just me, especially when such a big part of this struggle is just wanting to be seen and heard and known for who we really are. I’m so glad I found your videos!❤️
Oh gosh, you've nearly got me tearing up. Thank you so much for your lovely words. Everything you've said resonates with me so heavily. I used to imagine that being stealth would make everything easier, and in some ways it does, but it doesn't really fix that internalized transphobia. That combined with the internalized homophobia just linger, even if no one knows that I'm trans. It's a big ol' internal mess that I think mainly stems from how society has been set up (and not at all with us in mind!) Being gay is one thing. Being trans is one thing. Being both adds a whole new layer that can take a pretty heavy toll at times. I hope we can all learn to make peace with it and celebrate ourselves wholly, but I am absolutely aware of how hard it can be. Thank you so much for your comment, your openness, and your kindness. ❤️
@@boonewilliams5338 I’ve been having a tough week and your response completely made my day, you speak so eloquently about these feelings that I’ve had such a hard time putting into words. It is so hard to process and work through but connections like this really make it easier. Thank YOU for your openness and kindness and for being your authentic self so freely. :)
@@awildkiera I feel very privileged to have this platform to talk about things like this and to have such wonderful and candid responses like yours. It is truly my pleasure. I'm very grateful :) 💛
think do not really pass and have a big issue with feeling as a lesbian. Am a gay trans girl and having the man apple removed made the voice worse. Sometimes feel like a imposter or abomination or a fake girl. Have not been able to have SRS yet either. Sort of feel only a bi girl could be attracted to us. Also still have wonderings about trying to be attracted to men but am not able to feel for that, girls are just oh yes 🥰 boys no thank you. Did not know what trans was or transitioning when younger thought that was impossible to change and trans people were born intersexed or maybe had like million dollar surgery, had not idea about hormones, just thought am female in soul or essence and male in a body that could never be changed. Use to get called gay too growing up for dressing difference. did connected to you video Boone and appreciate you shareing your journey
I'm so glad I found this video, this is exactly the same as how I felt as a trans lesbian and it feels so good to know that this is a common experience and that I am not alone, thank you Boone!
It means so much to me that this video could help. It's tough when a lot of people don't understand and society has taught us what we "can" and "can't" be. I'm really happy to see people resonating. it's a feeling/experience that I've always had difficulty expressing. Thank you, and I wish you the very best 💛
Omg you watch Mathildas channel too? Other then your channel I love watching to understand the details of what transition will be like. I've binge watched probably the majority of the videos on both of your channels recently. Both of you came out so perfect I hope you realize how much your hard work really did pay off. I'm glad that you can find girlfriends still cause one of my biggest worries is that I won't be that "hott" and I'll have a very unique sexuality so between those 2 things it feels like it's gonna be extra hard to find someone.
lovely and uplifting video. I am a cis lesbian and it's nice to see a fellow lesbian share her side of the experience, which is for obvious reasons somewhat different from mine. I like getting all sorts of perspectives and this video definitely offered me one:) Take care!
Thank you so much for this lovely comment! I really appreciate getting comments from cisgender people (I also obviously like getting them from trans people as well). I'm very happy that these videos reach a wider audience, and it's especially fun to hear from another lesbian. Thank you so much for watching and taking the time to write this kind message. All the best to you! 💛
i came across your video while i was looking around for people sharing their experience as lebsians because i guess my subconsciousness just wanted to hear some uplifting words and I wanted to hear people's experiences and comparing it to mine. Needless to say I'm glad I came across your channel:) Also this may mean nothing, but although you currently seem confident with it, I just want you to remind you that you are very valid and even if no other cis lesbian did think that, then at least I will! I totally understand where your feeling of invalidity is coming from but remember that it's just, as you put it, internalized bullshit. I just felt like stating that as a person who is not trans, because cis people often are the source of those feelings of invalidity trans people have, so yeah, remember that there are a chunk of cis people and cis lesbians who do think you're fully valid and im one of them:)
As a cis lesbian I am thankful for this video. It helped me to understand the perspective of trans lesbians and it also helped to inform me on some of the trials and tribulations that trans lesbians can go through. I feel that I would be proud to date a trans woman because that wouldn’t invalidate my identity as a lesbian any less and this video helped to remind me of that. So thank you so much for sharing your story it really means a lot.
I know it's really, really hard to live in a world that doesn't always accept or understand us, but I also know it's going to get easier. The amount of people who understand and empathize with what I've shared in this video gives me hope. We're all just people, trying to live our lives happily. There is absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about, but I know society tries to tell us otherwise. You are loved, and it WILL get better 💛
OMG thanks for your video, you put some words on my feelings as well, except just form me my greatest regret is to been born in 1982 at a time when these subject was anyway kind "out of the line" because yes i always felt bad in my body and yes i love women and as you my first feeling was ok you love girls so your're a boy and at my puberty we were in above 1993 so no internet, not trans comunity, very closed gay circles nowhere to get exchange and information and then i forced me to boy life, musculation, martial art, i even ender to work as pruner and trucs mechanics i had girlfiends i been maried to a woman, i had a daughter, i divorced and now at 41 due to back probles i should stop working manualy i no more need to rely on a strong man body to live and guess what yeah my lack of acceptaion in my gender identity hit me again pricipally because i am now single for a wile and the clock turns. But hey i build a man life durin 30 years and genderly i fell like i always felt like doing the splits for too long, add to this that i am HP multipotential.... fuck my though and feelings are a fucking soup. But hey i decided to meet a therapist about this subject. Whait and see. But Thanks again Girl! Thank you so much just for this video.
I can relate to this so much! I always felt a little gross when people just saw me as a boy who likes girls. I had zero interest in relationships until I came out because the idea of being "the boyfriend" in a relationship was really dysphoric... even though I didn't know what dysphoria was at the time. I was kinda jealous of lesbians long before I realized I WAS one. lol
