Theresa is a Monster| A Book Review of Empress Theresa | Part 4 

why does this only have 8 likes

God forbid if Theresa and Daniel ever married. The whole universe would be fucked.

Theresa is schizophrenic

New Death Battle: Onision's protagonist in his last book verses Theresa.

A boring reckless monster truly an oxymoron, yet it explains this megalomaniac Theresa bitch so we’ll.

Love this! Made me laugh

That got dark fast 😂

Dude that was kinda raw af .

*handsome jack intensives*

beautiful

Theresa was 0% carbon. Theresa was a good girl.

Theresa was a good girl doing human things, such as going to the school or ingesting the coca-cola

Which you'd think Norman would know given how he claims to have a bachelor's of science in chemistry.

*Theresa tearing apart human beings* "Filthy! All of you, FILTHY!"

Theresa fucking goes full metal alchemist on humans and tries to make a humans into energy like a knock off dwarf in the jar/Father

*"HARRY?! DID YOU THREW YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIRE?!!!!!!!"* Empress Theresa said calmly

@@WorshipperOfKhone Harry cried, as everybody watched his political career melting down to his feet. He dared to interrupt the world saver (sic). There would be rioting at Hogwarts.

This meme will never get old 🤣

“It’s time to ruin the planet and chew bubblegum. And I’m all out of gum.”

She's turning the Geneva Convention into a Geneva Suggestion

@@QueerAndHunger Juuust gonna steal *that* golden line

I think you mean Tah-Eee-Sah!

I’m Theresa and this is jackass.

Daniel's at it again.

She is now a Kull girl

I was about to mention this.

oh my fucking god

He didn’t kill him. He made him rapidly cease to exist.

...and then everyone clapped. But damn, this is literally the funniest shit I’ve read in this comment section, well done

@@blueshell292 why thank u

@DarkErminia at least she's enjoying herself!

headcanon- Theresa was actually in a coma from her huge belly-flop, everything is her imagination/she entered a world where she has god like powers. The final part where Theresa and Steve say they will age again after having 420 (blaze it) kids and 'our work here was done' was her either waking up, or dying (600 years didnt actually pass, just in her mind it did/thats why she didnt age/600 years could be just 600 days perhaps? or 600 hours? idk)

@@blueshell292 the fox’s name? Albert Einstein.

Part of adhd that started a project meets part of adhd that was asked to start project:

​@@Lucifersfursona the truth cuts so deep 😂😭

The eagerly-watching crowd (which was the BIGGEST CROWD IN HISTORY) all gasped in amazement. They had never in their entire lives witnessed someone so humble and relatable.

@@HeyitsTom999 And then they all clapped.

@@gokuxsephiroth4505 That politician's name? Albert Einstein

@@AnIridescentWolf then he discovered a new element on the spot!

@@generalgrievous2202 And named it Theresium. He claimed he did so because its cleavage was almost as charming as hers; everyone knew it was because he hoped the flattery would cause her to relent, though none would ever say it out loud.

Krimson Rogue, Lie Lord, Darkest of the Pantheon.

Or a seat of fakes?

*slow claps*

It's true if you try hard enough

One might say he is the real Pagemaster.

Hrrrm...

You might be on to something

I'd be down for an Empress Theresa server

“Welcome to the Emperess Theresa Survival Challenge Episode 6”

Can we summon the Ender Dragon to fight her, please?

This is distressingly plausible. Also, the fridge horror is really trivialized by calling it 'grounding.' Few people live within walking distance of their jobs, so what Theresa's doing is akin to getting them fired, bankrupted, and eventually evicted. If any of these people get sick or injured, an ambulance will not be able to transport them. And if she includes motorized wheelchairs in her definition of "vehicles..."

Especially with the whole Israel thing. You just KNOW he's... Yeah, he hates Islam.

Especially with the exodus sequel thing in the book.

It is worth noting that many of the OPEC governments do provide direct material support to terrorist groups. Saudi Arabia is responsible for most of it, though aid to Hamas is kind of universally agreed upon within that group. There's even been accusations of several Islamic countries sending soldiers to fight in these terrorist organizations, though it's pretty hard to prove the difference between someone from another country who was radicalized and came of their own initiative, and someone who came on orders from their government. However, it's hardly a new claim. Russian paratroopers in Afghanistan claimed to have engaged Pakistani special forces on several occasions, and I've met Iraq and Afghan war veterans who swear they fought Iranian and Saudi soldiers while they were there. Again, there's no hard evidence, and these people could be wrong. The one consistent thing about combat throughout history is that it's confusing and chaotic, but there is a motive for these nations to do this, and clandestine ideologically motivated operations are hardly a new concept. We already know that MACV-SOG was operational in Vietnam years before the war officially started, and we know the SAS took part in the Rhodesian Bush War, so it is possible that these reports are entirely accurate, and Theresa was grounding serving members of these nations' militaries

Irl science calculations would probably put her above star butterfly kill count and that's fucking impressive as star probably killed over half of all life on earth (fusing 2 universes when we see some meter overlapping means lots of sudden bloody explosions+monsters suddenly exists+wtf is with the weather)

You know with how badly Theresa has fucked up the Earth she has probably killed way more people than Hitler at this point.

And she did exactly just that, she didn’t lie, she’s just as truthful as every other Catholics.

Stalin, mao and hitler combined are basically jesus compared to theresa

Flo Vi Yes, she’s just really good at being bad

Well. It's a shame. the sheer meme potental....

Oh yeah, I forgot she did that

Yeah, I'm getting the feeling this Norman fella is a closet Neo-Nazi. Because no sane person would compared themselves to one of the world's worst dictators in history.

RedWolf777SG or maybe he’s just a really dedicated troll.

@@SorowFame I wish that was the case. But given how this book is written. I highly doubt that.

My teacher in high school told me Hitler was a Catholic school girl and my teacher was a smart man. So it must be true.

Sounds like a con, guess you can call the country *concrete* now huh?

Nevermind the population differences, HOW THE HELL are you going to fit nearly 10 million people on goddamn Crete? The island's tiny and is a major reason for its puny population.

That’s 9 million, including the Arab, Bedew and Druzy population. We assume Norman wanted to just “evict” the Jewish population, which is STILL 7 million. IDK what he’s smoking but as his Joan of Arc sex doll once said, “that’s not fitting in there”

@@lorddrayvon1426 no shit

@@bayardkyyako7427 Das Con Crete baby

From what it looks like, he actually didn't touch most of the notes on it for his own sanity. And that's a good thing, because just listening to him talking about this crap makes me want to pirate this book, just so I can print it out and burn it at the stake. If someone were to use a continuity weapon on our universe, just to wipe out this book before it existed, I honestly wouldn't mind.

I give him props for getting through this book!

Hes halfways through.... Keanu reads is a longman indeed

Like... The notes he took could kill a man if he printed them and smashed them against somebody's head.

He didn't do it all in 1 go. He's taken long breaks in between parts. It's why this review's taken so long to come out in its parts.

-vain -cruel -selfish -completely morally bankrupt....

@@AO1hasyoutube It's seriously amazing how bad he messed up this character. The fact he thought Theresa was being a good Christian girl when she's been doing literally everything _but_ that reminds me of a Karen who believes their poorly behaved child is an angel

I don't know. I'd say after a slight rewrite you have a good story about how absolute power corrupts absoluteley.

Not to mention that she's pretty much as bland as original flavor oatmeal.

Norman literally writing himself into blasphemy by making Theresa God... but a lot of immoral moment. God forbid if a town of people question Theresa, she will give them Sodom and Gomorrah.

sounds like every DPRK speech minus the "...or else" part at the end

or everybody got clapped

That's funny, but I don't think it would really work because it's already fiction. "...and then everbody clapped." is basically a cheeky way of calling out people for their ridiculous "totally real" stories that are pretty much either blatant lies or grossly exaggerated.

@@AndrewChumKaser I mean, if Theresa was a real person doing these sort of actions with her powers, you know she'd be in maximum security prison. What I meant was, nobody would react in such a positive way to her antics, like the story portrays.

@@sentretsparkle True, but again the point I was making is that that still isn't applicable to use the phrase "And then everbody clapped". It's a phrase born on a meta level out of criticism of fake stories found in places like reddit or twitter. It's not so general to be used in such a way to demonstrate something that is so obviously unbelievable and tone deaf. I don't think Norman has ever suggested that Teresa and this book are real accounts of something that actually happened. (Though at this point I wouldn't put it past him.) That kind of situation would be a time to use "and then everyone clapped" against him.

That's DOCTOR PROFESSOR BOUTIN to you!

It worked for Homer Simpson.

PFFFFFFFFFFFF LOL

In america it would be somewhere between confusion and laughter, confusion because "what the fuck is this person doing" and laughing for about the same reason

As another English person, can I add that there would be no rioting in the home town of the MP who dared interrupt her. In fact, they'd probably laugh and cheer him on.

I can absolutely imagine that, Theresa being baffled as the crowd threw eggs at her and laughed at her as she whined about being interrupted.

Also, small nitpick: in Britain there are no Air Force Generals.

He'd probably look just as stupid in America.

Bringin' a tear to ol' Andy Jackson's eye. Perhaps even a Trail of Tears.

No wonder she compared herself with Hitler

That's actually what happened in my country and it caused a deep rooted hatred between two ethnic groups. It's mostly gone in the younger generations, but those people who actually lived in that time still, to this day, hold a grudge. Even though it wasn't the people's fault, it was (foreign) governments' decisions. But it's still well known that the "sváb"s and the "székely"s hate each other. Just wanted to point it out that what Theresa (/Norman) suggests is not only frowned upon history, but it causes very serious issues that last for a good while.

@@vikkisims6364 May I ask what country you're from? I'd like to know more about stuff like that.

​@@Ellisepha I'm from Hungary. The thing I'm talking about is the treaty of Trianon and the dismemberment of historic Hungary. Look it up if you feel like it, but I don't know what you'll find. There are several versions, and depending on your country you might actually not get to read any of the bad effects of the treaty. Winners write history, after all. I'll write down how it happened, because although I didn't live during that time, I had family members who experienced it first hand, and I have family member who grew up experiencing the aftereffects of it. And they were eager to tell.. But I'lll warn you in advance, it's gonna be long. I'll post it in a separate comment just in case you're interested.

Theresa is kinda the antichrist

Anata is great?

@@wingedhussar8552 There is stuff later in the book that almost makes it seem intentional. Sadly, I very greatly doubt that to be the case.

@@emiledlund9559 "You are amazing"

It’d be a blessing to see the four horsemen riding over the horizon in this world because then Theresa wouldn’t find another way to fuck up the planet any further.

Finally a good use for that meme.

Looks like beer is yet another thing Norman knows nothing about

Excuse my ignorance but I don't quite understand, what's wrong with it being brewed daily?

Sorow Fame Beer is alchohol, meaning that it has to brew and ferment over time. I’m no expert, so I don’t know exactly how long, but the wheat has to be kept in its casket for significantly longer than a single day

@@SorowFame while it can be brewed daily, you will get beer that's older than a day.

@@SorowFame Traditionally, Oktoberfest beer was/is brewed in March, and that isn't a bad thing at all, the storage time is an important part of developing the flavour profile. Nowadays, there are many different variations sold at the Oktoberfest, including lighter brews, but "daily" is a pretty silly claim :)

An exploration of faith in the face of tangible godlike powers. Interesting concept. But yeah, this ain't it

It's kinda what happened to Castiel in Supernatural when he slurped up everything from Purgatory. Tho he was an angel beforehand, it was still a pretty interesting plotline.

Bruce Almighty already exists.

You know, if Theresa realized what she did was horrible, the book could have been significantly better AND give a message to the audience: even good people can become corrupt, or something else.

Futurama Godfella's. Not exactly what you describe but it's damn good.

An author can write a character encountering a situation and instantly thinking something that the author took weeks to think of.

An author can write about a character inventing something that the author is not capable of inventing.

@@Mecharnie_Dobbs but like clever as in how they think and how they come to conclusions and what choices they make, not how fast they make them

@@Mecharnie_Dobbs An author can spend weeks coming to the wrong conclusion; their character would then come to the wrong conclusion instantly. In other words, the characters of a stupid author aren't smarter; they're *stupid faster.*

I'd say Ender Wiggin is more moral than Orson Scott Card tbh.

Yeah…he doesn’t take into account horses as a legitimate mobility option

Yeah, from what I understand terrorism isn't so much organizations- it's more about using methods that cause people to be afraid of you so badly that they adhere to whatever you tell them to.

@@johnwax9606 don’t worry. In Teresa’s regime, all horses simultaneously had heart attacks, now the terrorists will have to just walk.

@@idongesitusen5764 Theresa's MO appears to be causing people to be so afraid of her that they adhere to whatever she tells them to. If only there were a word for that.

As an Arab, I was going to be a car terrorist but I'm to scared of Theresa.

The interactions between Krimson and his cats are the only thing that make these videos bearable. Besides the man himself of course

Well he has like half a semester of college under his belt and that's it, so don't expect too much.

@@sleepysera That's an insult to college dropouts. 12 year olds know what Helium is and what it does

I really like how according to norman, the Only thing between our world and the global blimp anti-terrorist surveillance system is the helium supply and not the stupid cost or the sheer impracticality

It’s only the second most common element ever, so might as well throw it in the garbage.

That's as brilliant as asking what winter could be for. No wait, it wasn't a question, she blatantly said winter was useless.

There was a recent game with a tutorial about a guy being corrupted by chaos on a journey to find where his countries missing god went. He gives pretty much the same line about his army when they see his physical corruption and red eyes as a sign he was going mad ... and he later stabs his brother Pretty similar to Theresa's evil except he was a more well rounded character

@@cameronroy2129 That sounds cool. What's the game called?

@@tellmewill Total War Warhammer 3. Games got issues with its launch state though.

@@cameronroy2129 Krimson covers 'Book-Whackyness', ok, but what about Films? What about Real-Lifes? If its not too random to ask: Can i give you some watch-suggests? I promise Whackyness!!

that's actually a good villain quote tbh

I mean at one point the Parker's film her feeding the chipmunks and its said to be shown daily on kids programs.

Norman is a mosquito.

@@NapaCat HEY. MOSQUITOES ARE CO- Actually, yeah, they suck

@@RailwayPenguin Ba dum tss

Who is more likable Norman or American Politicians?

Norman is a dingus.

i dont like being on camera, but im going to wear a form-fitting and slightly revealing dress when im on world-wide television so everyone can see how attractive my barely-legal body is. I like my privacy. im a good catholic girl. Im happy to have had a photo taken of me and made into a poster. i like the thought of being a pin-up girl.

I think I got a stroke trying to process that.

@@alexjewett7455 Trust me, we all get you

The Megan markle handbook

Also "I freely give interviews on air. I don't want want to be on TV, I want to be left alone. Everyone who's on TV is there because they want it! I don't want to be on TV but I am."

“And then I read the next line.” should be a subtitle for this book.

Just the thought of some fucken blimp with jungle colors yeeting through the sky is the funniest shit I can imagine

Why couldn't she just send the water to the Moon or Mars to potentially terraform them?

@@marcosvalenzuela1724 that would mean Therese would have to care about other people

@@marcosvalenzuela1724 that would make to much sense

My first thought when he said that was about Icarus

If that were the intent and/or if it was written remotely good

That would be a good world background

Sounds like a book I read in HS called Dorothy Must Die. From what I can remember, it was rather good and had a similar concept, but with bastardized versions of the characters and settings from The Wizard of Oz.

It would be...if that was Norman’s intentions

Honestly if Theresa's actions were just seen as stupid 10 year old logic, a bratty one with no boundaries and who doesn't like to learn shit that no one corrects out of fear of being deleted, the exact same story would work Just add the real world consequences of that and badaboom

Didn't you know? Im chaotic good aka chaotic stupid.

@@Nitosa chaotic stupid are more often cn or ce

@@dylanbednarz4430 maybe, i have seen a guy who try to justify their "quirky" insane massacre that got the group almost killed twice as for the good inside and outside the game as what his character would do as CG. But im open that this is maybe outlier from the norm.

This comment is underrated

No, this is a person playing a chaotic evil paladin but living under the delusion that they're lawful good.

Yeah I think they won't like it, the scp guys don't like it when you want to reference something

This makes a lot of sense

Here's my take: Special Containment Procedures: SCP 6969 is housed at a Foundation blacksite in [REDACTED], Great Brittain. SCP 6969 is to be provide a cage with a minimum of five (5) chipmunks, tamed to the point of eating out of a human's hand. Have a minimum of fifty (50) D-class personel praise SCP 6969 in embarassingly blatant displays at least once every twelve (12) hours. One of these D-class should identify himself to SCP 6969 as Prime Minister Blair. Once every three (3) weeks, allow SCP 6969 to travel to the foundation training facility in [REDACTED], and tell her it's Paris. Once every two (2) months, have a D-class personel at the end of his service period and thus particularly expendable ask SCP 6969 a question which could maybe be considered slightly critical. Provide computer generated footage of, and correspondence from, faked adoring crowd. By following these containment procedures, SCP 6969 will remain sufficiently self-absorbed to cause any real damage. Under no circumstance should any personel inform SCP 6969 of any problem of any kind, especially any that SCP 6969 caused. This will prevent incidence such as the 20[REDACTED] incident where an [REDACTED] was created at the [REDACTED] pole, which caused an estimated [REDACTED] billion casualties.

Yeah scp? It’s me again. Yeah. That bitch, Teresa is at it again

they unleash SCP-682 on her.

Isn't chemical Warfare forbidden?

You forgot the part where everyone obsesses over how perfect her fart is, then it becomes a huge social trend to fart with pride only for it to destroy the ozone which Teresa needs to solve through some deus ex machina.

@@RichterTheRat now that would've been more interesting than whatever this is

You mean..."we can put them out of business for good!"

@@DerVasto Look up the South Park episode about spontaneous combustion.

And, don’t forget: She’s a nice girl. A good girl. Good girl, Theresa!

She sounds like one of those girls in school who was popular but an absolute backstabbing bully but then went 'uwu im just a sweet girl~!' (kinda like a Regina George)

What's worse is that Norman isn't 60. He's 73 and soon to be 74. *OOOF*

I find it especially creepy how he drools over canonically-barely-18 Theresa, and then outright describes a woman in her thirties as being as good as dead, essentially. Thinking about this old man going “ew, adult women 🤮 my teenage waifu is so much hotter” is making my skin crawl, mate.

​@@lorddrayvon1426 That explains the demented vibe this book has. Gramps already losing it.

Also her flaunting her body to a worldwide audience lmaoo

​@@zawrator4457"good christian girl", amirite

That beer part has me dying XD.

They were freshly brewed today!

@@jesusofsuburbia3675 no I think Steve is the one dying after 6 litres of beer Lmao

Don’t remind me of that city. The only city in this state we hate as much as philly is Allentown. Oh god no don’t the nam flashbacks to the eagles super bowl. Oh god make it stop

Yes, but it would be a lot LESS bad and more mediocre.

@Axtwyt Starkiller The irony that the man that flies is more down to earth than her XD

Arent you the one from onisons book? I'm terribly sorry for mentioning that by the way, i just finished watching his reviews on them

Normally you'd want a villain origin story to give said villain some redeeming qualities, something that can make you question how things went so wrong at least, or make you feel somewhat sorry for them. Theresa has none. She's boorish, stupid and tyrannical, and has nothing good going for her.

Yes but it would at least be less bad

That's actually a great headcanon, I didn't think of it like that. It absolutely makes sense, and would make for a very interesting way to read the story imo

@@tinyteacupzzI daresay it makes the story infinitely more enjoyable.

Now I feel stupid for not waiting and listening to the whole sentence. I'm going to say A just out of the sheer stupidity of that answer.

Tbh, it's a very realistic idea in this story. I'm kind of amazed, yet scared of how well you understand this book.

@@lapmaf8318 all it really does is make me guess my own intelligence, and it terrifying.😄

I went with D because it seemed the most outlandish but also fit with her becoming the god empress of new Eden or where ever this story is going

@@charnel8435 Same. It seemed to fit the way the book has been progressing. Theresa would make another planet suitable for comfortable living, then only transport people who adore her to that planet. Everyone else would be stuck on the world she destroyed while experimenting with her powers. Then, her fanclub would praise her for "saving" humanity from the old, corrupt world and the bad people who had lived there.

Theresa: How could this happen to meeeee?!

@@lovaszaron3138 I make a lot mistaaaakes

Theresa: im in jail for killing someone. The stupid judge and jury! I wouldnt even be here a night before all my supporters broke down the walls of the prison to release me! The jury was full of my haters from high school I'm sure! The judge was intimidated by me-he knew a good girl like me would only kill someone in a serious situation and he did not care! By the end of the week, no- by the end of the DAY he would get barred and stripped of his title. All members of the jury would be sent to Witness protection. But since everyone on the entire planet was watching my court case (it took up every single station on every television in the entire world, even in North Korea!), they would never truly be safe

@@ruyekahatori3073 You just wrote a better villain here than Norman in the entire book.

@@lovaszaron3138 I was just basing it on how Theresa seems to act

I can agree to this. Theresa and her powers, and the various ways she uses them, keeps reminding me of Lelouch from Code Geass. More so in the way of how Theresa basically became the ruler of the world thanks to her powers, kinda like Lelouch did. so if Norman was a lot smarter with his writing, he could had given us something that basically was his version on Code Geass' story.

Would've been amazing if there was a plot twist at the climax that revealed the alien had secretly altered her thoughts and warped her perception of the world, thinking she was doing good, but secretly the alien was using her to destroy the worlds economy and political system from the inside in preporation for their takeover

@@あなたがすごいだよ i thought the same

Even just not changing the events of the story and just show how deluded she is, convincing herself she's doing everything for the good of the world while her miscalculations bring ruin and suffering instead. Instead reality and physics themselves bend over 90 degrees lest the queen of all Mary Sues have her accomplishments marred by even the tiniest hint of a setback.

Are you sure? All hail the one and only goddess. Pray she doesn't squash you like a bug as she carelessly walks the earth like a giant. Praise her name so you don't incur her ire and have to face her wrath.

Skeleton War Broke: If a benevolent God exists why would he allow evil to exist in the world? Woke: If a benevolent God exists why would he allow Norman Boutin to exist?

@@grayscribe1342 Theresa is Chuthulu confirmed!

God allows for bad things materially to happen. He doesnt just make everything materially perfect for everyone, as suffering adversity is sometimes beneficial for people and from a cosmic perspective, theres no real reason to be adverse to adversity or be attached to materially good things happening in anyone's life

@@Xvladin well this isn't materially bad it's just bad

The reason why Norman is internet famous isn't just because he wrote a terrible book but he responded to every criticism of the book like it was a personal attack on him. Amazon has a comment limit of 1,000 and Norman was able to reach it just by arguing with everyone who doesn't think he's book is brilliant. Remember according to KR here stuff about Theresa dealing with internet trolls and bullies was added in with later editions.

Narcisim is stemmed from fragile self-esteem typically, so it would make sense that all this hate came from Norman going through some pretty serious crap like a bad break up. Honestly looking at what we do know about the guy through all the lies, it seems like a lot of things in his life has gone wrong and could've caused him to be like he is. Regardless of the reason though, he decided to dig himself a grave so deep that now his name will forever be associated with being unable to take criticism and arrogance. The guy needs a therapist desperately.

I want to get both of them to read each others books and then put them in a room together to talk about each others work.

Norman strikes me at the kind of guy who willingly remains ignorant because he cannot take even the slightest amount of constructive criticism needed to learn anything

@@thehermit8618 Norman has admitted this except not in those exact words. But during one of the many fights he's had on Amazon reviews for his book when someone asked if he did any research Norman admitted that except for when having to look up specific figures such as the atomic mass of Xenon he did no research for Empress Theresa. He already believed he knew everything.

That would explain why she compares herself to him so often.

Faye Taylor Fuck, you‘re right.

Also Norman apparently

I feel like, based purely on the logic that Madagascar could probably then be renamed 'Isreal,' I'm going to see a Huffington Post article that reads "Donald Trump supports Israel...so did HITLER!" after this Covid-19 situation dies down.

only german jews, he thought it would be horrible for palestinians if he forced UK to allow them to move there.

@Babba Yaaga pretty sure the author just has issues with news media. Which...I mean...fair enough, but i'm pretty sure there are better ways to express it than this

maxacorn Now thats FU money right there

It seems like Musa did that with good intentions, having no idea it would crash the economy. And he did fix it when he returned. Teresa, however, is a horrible person who doesn't seem to have any good intentions unless it's for herself.

There'd better be movies about that guy, he sounds great

At the very least Mansa Musa was able to correct his mistake. Theresa not only doesn’t correct it but actively says its the best outcome. Now I understand why Norman kept bringing up Hitler comparisons, Theresa was always meant to be the fucking bad guy.

Hydra S I think there a few documentaries about Mansa but movie wise there isnt really a lot to say.

Maybe there is one, you just have to look for it in the Tragedy category.

That'd be a interesting story.

He is bound to the throne by the curse of Theresa.

foretelling says he will convert into the follower of Theresa by the end of the series.

@@darrelsam419 You are mistaken. He is not bound by a curse. He is bound by a righteous fury and dedication to his duty. Our champion has vowed not to rest until every single one of Normans mistakes are laid bare, until this travesty of a book is torn to shreds both phisycally and metaphoricaly.

God someone bring the man a sandwich

It'll fall apart if he stands up or moves around too much

I seriously am of the opinion that she is using HAL to mind control everyone, either consciously or subconsciously, and that's why everyone is happy and loves her despite her destroying the world.

@@raptoid2518 HAL is either making everyone love her, or making her think that everyone loves her.

@@thequeenofcringe1585 Either way, it's really fucked up. Although rewriting the story from the perspective of somebody on Earth who's watching everything go on around them would be badass.

@@raptoid2518 That sounds like something that would actually be interesting and fun to read

I'd definitely read this Let's be honest, this is WAY more readable than the garbage Norman thought was the next literary classic

This is very similar to what I was imagining this book could have been. I also thought it might be interesting if HAL was manipulating her and/or the people of the world for his own personal gain, and maybe if Theresa was actually interesting, she might be clever or charismatic enough to overcome HAL despite his god powers. Or she could use her powers hazing a single mother for DARING to take a case against her that's destined to fail anyway. I guess she could do that instead.

Kinda reminds me of Queen Vanessa in A Hat in Time.

I'd read that

You're kinda describing Dany from GoT here. I mean, that wasn't exactly written well in the end but it's essentially the story you're describing

The thing is, Stan actually had both skill and effort placed into his work, same with Jack Kirby and the others. Norman on the other hand, was just a dumbass who had no skill, nor did he place any effort into the book besides sucking Theresa's dick.

@@loliconnoisseur5739 you can say that again

Ironic since that line dates back to the bible so Good Christian Girl Theresa ✝️ has once again gone against the bible and is why God keeps fucking ignoring her. 😒 "The adage particularly bears a close resemblance to the Christian bible verse of Luke 12:48: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." (Another translation: "To whomever much is given, of him will much be required; and to whom much was entrusted, of him more will be asked.") Usage of the particular wording ("great power" and "great responsibility"), however, dates back to the time of the French Revolution at the very least, as the following sentence is found in the "Plan de travail, de surveillance et de correspondance" ('Work, surveillance and correspondence plan') proposed by the Comité de Salut Public ('Committee of Public Safety') during the 1793 French National Convention" - Wikipedia

@@loliconnoisseur5739 I can't believe it, someone giving credit to Jack without claiming Stan Lee is the devil

@@TupocalypseShakur what?

I wish she was in the hands of a good writer. She would make an amazing villain.

Did you ever hear the story about Darth Theresa the Unwise?

Oriana Mengucci it’s a badly written tale, not a story a writer of any quality would tell you.

cloudftw113 To be fair, berserk is an actual work of art

Dio acts less evil than her and that's saying a lot.

Hey! Jellyfish might actually have empathy, we don't know.

@@Cadapech Yeah, I'm rooting for the jellyfish.

crypto457 The jellyfish from Spongebob had more empathy than Theresa and they fucking occupied his house against his will to go on an 18 hour rave-party.

No, Theresa quite clearly thinks of herself as _vastly_ superior to everyone else, just wait until Krim gets to the final chapters. If ya want spoilers, here: A skydiver tries to recreate her fall into the ocean to prove its survivability, as a lot of people are beginning to suspect that Theresa planned all of this to make herself look like a hero and take over the world (they're not far off, she very clearly is a megalomaniac). Theresa knows he will die, does nothing to stop him even though she comments on how easily she would be able to do so, _coldly watches him die,_ and calls him "stupid" as she stares at his lifeless corpse using her creepy spy-vision. OUR HERO, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. But wait, it gets even worse! Then Theresa pretty much forces all of North Korea to bow to her every whim, kills off the nation's leaders, installs herself as its de-facto dictator (which she refers to herself as, she actually calls herself the new dictator of NK) and forces them to re-integrate into South Korea, by threat of her powers, basically saying she'll murder the fuck out of anyone who doesn't do exactly as she says. There's so much more, but I've spoiled enough, I'll only give away the ending if you want me to. But needless to say, Theresa is...frankly, a nightmare. I'd like to remind you all that Norman Boutin earnestly believes this book is the best novel ever to exist. He thinks it should be required reading for all high-schoolers, and places it on par with the bible in its cultural importance. He actually is convinced that Theresa, this horrible, selfish, sadistic, narcissistic, manipulative, downright psychopathic girl, is the pinnacle of human morality and virtue. Norm, you are a monster.

@@WobblesandBean Sounds like it's going to be a great video.

Morphing Taxi please, don’t try to give him any credit. He does not deserve it.

@Morphing Taxi Seeing his reactions, either he's fuckin' weird for never talking out of character (why the fuck would you make yourself a lolcow intentionally), or he is not a clever boi at all.

Gocker, you just came up with the perfect solution to fixing Theresa’s tyranny. There was a second part to that story from the 80s reboot called “It’s Still a Wonderful Life” where the boy has grown up (played by the same actor, you’re welcome for that trivia. 😜) The boy is grown up and has a daughter who has the same power as him. Her grandmother convinces her to bring everyone back and reconnect their town to the rest of the world, basically undo everything her father did. He and his daughter fight, but she wins in the end and they decide to travel the world. So have one of her 400 kids realize how badly she has messed everything and everyone up, and then they have to undo it. Only in this version, the kid kills her and their siblings because that cow deserves it for messing with a woman just trying to make a living doing her damn job because Theresa doesn’t give a damn about basic economics.

Or worse: *THE RICEFIELDS.* If you see THIS thing, *RUN.* ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-i8a3gjt_Ar0.html

This books seems like Propaganda from a universe Theresa exists.

Dew it!!!

I love this. Please do more of such.

May your heart be your guiding key.

If I lived with Theresa, I would ensure I was never sober enough to understand what she does to the planet as well.

"Casually insane" is probably one of the best descriptions of this book I've ever seen.

It’s weird that Theresa is able to compare herself simultaneously to Moses and fucking Hitler in this book.

I thought he claimed like, he gave the two options and nobody gave a third one so he just went with the second choice.

He’s like one of those who post on r/AITA and then proceed to argue with the people who confirm he is, in fact, an a-hole

@@piffba I have seen people like that. I listened to a post on there where some woman was mad her in laws asked the DJ at her wedding to play this song they got married to years ago or w/e, and she was asking Reddit if it was rude of her to be mad. Her update was like, ignoring everyone who said she was TA and claiming they were just misogynistic or w/e,,,i'll have to find that post again

@@shipper-of-heart8898 I think I’ve seen that post. There’s so many of them though that I can’t be sure

The only way I can see that line working when used by a good character is if the character is someone who is usually put on a pedestal and treated as untouchable despite wanting to be seen as normal. The line could then be said with pleasant surprise because somebody FINALLY saw them as someone normal enough to feel comfortable interrupting them.

Right? At this point I can't help but wonder that Norman wanted to make Theresa a terrible person, but seeing some of the lines and opinions he writes of her it's pretty obvious he's imagining her as a powerful, determined and hard working woman. Too bad he doesn't understand that "poweful and determined" isn't the same thing as "narcissistic tyrant *sshole".

Speaking of Wonder Woman...!

Theresa, even in a story that isn't Trying to portray her that way, is actually a significantly scarier example of a Type Green than anything The Foundation's ever caught. She's basically The Witch Girl if Clef had never noticed and murdered her.

@@nobledamask I can imagine the trope, good idea Sadly Theresa's next sentence was, "I don't need you"

I really like the part where Theresa goes to Paris and complains about the Louvre because of the SIZE of the Mona Lisa. She entered a museum, wrongly assume the Mona Lisa was going to be a certain size, the Mona Lisa is too small for her completely arbitrary standards, and somehow she pins that on the Louvre and France being not up to the hype.

@@vraolet wasn't it weird in that section that Norman states "not many people were even looking at the mona lisa"? What day did you possibly pick to go on when there wasn't at least a hundred people taking selfies with the mona lisa? What kind of weird flex is he trying to pull by making his character so blasé about everything in Europe? It's pretty, and historic, and steeped in culture - be impressed dammit!

Why does he even stage most of the story in Europe if he’s just going to demonstrate how backwards he thinks every part of the world is except the United States? You would think he would stay far away from areas he hates, but the book has a trip to Paris just to complain about France.

@@Roserae16 Well, in Norman's defense. I feel like the world ending might reduce the amount of visitors the Mona Lisa receives.

@@oddluck4180 well the world ending didn't really seemed to affect people. Even if it did, I'm sure there would've been a lot of people who would have the mona lisa on their bucket list.

bibliophilianApologist can you give me a time stamp?

Howdy! I'm Jewish and I can tell you straight up we'd fight tooth and nail to keep Israel. But I guess the IDF is a foreign concept to Norman? And y'know, the Old Testament and all that, where God gives Israel to the Jews? Then again, I guess it's laughable that I expect Norman to do even an ounce of research.

Same here. Utterly disgusting how he thinks people would willingly give up their ancestral home because a crazy woman with an alien parasite said to.

I think anyone would be insulted. There's something to insult anyone and everyone in Empress Theresa.

​@BTIsaac That does suck, and I'm terribly sorry!

*Hellfire starts playing*

Silly mortal, our lord and savior just yeets the alcohol into orbit so it's fiiine

@@LinxSphinx Even the thought of that is offensive to me... It's a Sin a sin I tell you.. The good beer.. The poor poor beer.!

@@nonotthatwon2897 Dude... I feel you on so many levels 😓 (I'm german too)

@@nonotthatwon2897 oof. I'm irish and that causes physical pain to think about

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malignant_narcissism

@Axtwyt Starkiller isn't onision also a malignant narcissist?

@@celihenry3227 hmm, you know I think I may have been too hasty in using that label on Norman. He's definitely still a narcissist, but I don't think that there's any record of him physically or emotionally abusing anyone else. He doesn't seem to be able to understand other people enough to see any point of view other than his own, and thus cannot manipulate them. ONISION, OTOH, really would be Malignant. He's also smarter, more charismatic, and a better writer while being a far worse human being.

30 million people sounds crazy though... I can't even imagine it.

This book... It's fractal of stupidity overlayed on top of fractal of factual incorrectness. Every page is as stupid and incorrect as the accursed whole.

Ruyeka Hatori that’s everyone that died in WWI (by a conservative estimate)...... twice. That’s nuts

30 million! That's more than the entire population of my country!

Now thats hilarious

Sounds like something Cartman would make.

I’m just surprised he was sensitive enough not to call us Kikes

OK but imagine if theresa gave up ha for an unlimited energy source

I mean hell, she doesn’t even have to do that, she clearly has the ability to manipulate the fuck out of water, so all she would have to do is make a few infinite water spouts that turn a few massive turbines and boom, infinite energy. Or just get uranium from space. But no, just make a big pile of coal and burn it the old fashion way.

Don't feel bad. I guessed that she would just go shopping

I guessed that she would create a bubble in the center of the planet and inflate the Earth like a thick skinned balloon, to make it big enough to accommodate the extra volume of water.

I thought she went full overlord and caused a nuclear winter

That isn't too far from what I suspected would happen .

Wish it would’ve happened that way, because then Theresa would set in motion the plot of Fire Punch lmao

AvianInkKit I wish. Dante’s Inferno is way more interesting.

I think we're almost to Judecca at this point

“And she’ll kill again...”

That is HILARIOUS

empress teresa is actually a very elaborate ARG but people just shat on its quality so much that nobody even noticed

empress theresa creepypasta inbound

Hey the way she messed up the world you won’t be surprised if a few people ended up dying from all the things that went down

At first I thought Reaper's Creek might have been worse because the first 3 parts of this review weren't nearly as much of a clusterfuck as the climax of Onision's crock of shit, but now I find myself thinking that "At least Onision's crock of shit started out at least somewhat normally"

@@blackknightjack3850 Reaper Creek has one writing technique that I actually agree on: simple hierarchy/build up of storyline-- from Daniel personal story, to his alien encounter, to his family (pedo-shit here), his meeting of girlfriend etc., his alien massacre, then his crazy justice on murderers, then his final showdown to death, god and kull, revival of daughter god, then the rushed end. But ET... because it has too much stories within stories, it just become a long and painful fake climax/plateau of God doing things(even bible has better writing damnit). But we will hear the next chapters, perhaps the plateau can fall fast, it is too painful.

@@chongjunxiang3002 Pretty much. Onision's book is shit but at leas it has a normal structure, dramatic tension, build-up, etc. Whereas Empress Theresa is just a formless cascade of sewage.

This book is about as terrible as Reaper's Creek because I morally cannot say that onion man writing child pornography is better than this book. But it comes very close.

@@Arlothed1no Morally no, structurally yes

Oh my god... Also Scherzer means jokester in German. A "Scherz" is a Joke and a "Scherzer" can be translated to someone who jokes... Should've been norman's pen name. This is so racist and stupid the most baffling thing of this is the fact, that norman apparently talked to real human beings. His book is written like an alien trying to write humans after spending like a year on earth in a Christian Trump supporter family. Big YIKES!

@@badcookie5755 guess thats what happens when an old sheltered boomer tries to act as if he has this great world-view and cultural knowledge when its clear to anyone with even a passing interest in foreign cultures that he barely knows anything about even his own. He's the Dunning-Krueger effect given flesh

@@thehermit8618 Oh, exactly! Thank you for putting it into words!

Holy shit... I mean, "Scherzer" as a German word would literally mean "someone who's joking"... Although no one would use that word, as there are plenty of other, more common one... And somehow, as a German, this makes me want to bring back a single certain waterless shower one last time for a certain someone and his omnipotent, bratty, imaginary friend... I can't believe that someone would actually behave that insensitive... Also sounds like he just pulled all the cards, ranging from "You can't say that, because you've never been in exactly that situation I just made up" to "I can't be racist/sexist/xenophobic/anti-semitic, because I used to know a [insert minority] once..."

@@midnight8341 Yeah, it was like the worst kind of "My best friends are black". He went to the dental school in the 70's I think, has he really had no Jewish friends since then? That's pretty bad. Also I doubt Jewish ppl want Catholics to think they're saved, it might have seemed to him like a grand thing to say but I doubt it was received that way.

That is a large obstacle to getting anything done.

German Beer is the best in da world!!!

@@ChrisKunix as well as german science I dearly hope that that joke lands or im going to look real bad

@@righteouself9928 is that a Jojo reference?

I think Norman forgot he wrote in a sister for Theresa. She's literally mentioned twice in the first chapter and never heard from again. Maybe Theresa killed her so her parents would only pay attention to her. Or Catherine did the smart thing and cut ties with her parents for (presumably) neglecting her in favor of Theresa

I have seen so many ideas for potential "Empress Theresa" rewrites in this comment section and yours is one of the best I've seen. I can imagine Catherine studying Theresa from afar, trying to find ways around her powers in the hopes of reasoning with Theresa, shutting HAL down somehow, or even killing Theresa if necessary. She'd of course have to contend with the Empress's personal military, and countless sycophants, so she could either be a one-woman army or have a relatively small band of rebels. (Heck, it could be amusing/ironic if she recruited the lawyer woman Theresa "grounded" and used her to sneak onto ships and important vehicles to stop them from going where they need to.)

That does sound pretty interesting.

@@shipper-of-heart8898 I was about to reply “her parents are still mad at her about the eye thing”, then remembered this wasn’t Reaper’s Creek. Oops

Yeah, that sounds like a better version of this crummy book. And I would read that version

They should write a manuscript together as an unintentional course on how to not write books

Flo Vi you should go to Harvard because that is GENIUS

Chris Hansen is already ending Onision's career.

@@skyblade7438 and thank god for that

Onision: "Not if I end it first."

It's kinda like Dragonheart. God thought her inheriting HAL would give her lessons in humility and male her a better person but she just got worse.

Damn

I did the maths at 6 litres of beer at 10% in six hours, which works out to roughly 48 shots, had to guess his weight so the maths might be off a bit, but according to a calculator, he'd be at severe risk of going into a coma or dying.

@@whiskeyhound In the end the alcohol would be worried there's Steve in it.

Why aren't we talking about how he's consuming lethal amount of water in that 6l

@@wiolettaziokowska1912 Because he was drinking all afternoon, it's not actually a lethal amount of water, it's the alcohol that'd get him.

Nice try mate. Hope you had fun with this little patch of hell

Also that is not a thing. You don't 'bring in the coldness'. Coldness is not a thing you move around. Its *heat* that you move around.

I picked A but actually thought B. I assumed she’d do whatever caused MORE lives.

@@craigh5236 we know that but do you really think Norman knows that?

@@viralknight4602 has

And the end could be that wen there isn’t anything more for Theresa to ruin Hal abandons her so he can go to his planet and start relocating his whole species to planet earth and the rest of the human race are use as host for duplicate more Hal’s. Leaving Theresa as the last human alive but not because she help the Hal’s dominate the world they let her live because the original Hal is actually The queen of the Hal’s so Theresa will eventually die and turn into food for the queen of the Hal’s (I didn’t expect to this be so flipping long)

Brett Dallman you could debate its kinda that so many people screaming distorted it? No no, it’s just racist, not sure why I’m trying to justify that

@@TheZutter Yes it is. Except for the really really old generation, Chinese people speak English very well, as it is a mandatory subject in school. To assume that they couldn't read her damn name right just because they're Chinese is insulting on many levels. He literally judged an entire country based on their origin, which I deemed racist.

@@scipio764 To be fair, Germans also have mandatory English in school, yet most of them (like easily more than half) speak it with the stereotypical, super thicc ass accent that you'd usually expect joke characters in movies to have. Source: Am German.

Hai Le Hoang me being Chinese can guarantee even with someone with zero English knowledge, they'll just say her name the way it would be transliterated (teh-lei-sha or teh-ree-sa something) and not this made-up shit. Yeah why bother to find out that unlike Japanese for example, Mandarin does indeed have a soft "r" sound? Any sane person wouldn't even include this bit because it served nothing other than racism. Yet this is Norman so what do we know.

@pansztuki There was this stereotype in my country that Chinese education system didn't teach any foreign language because of some patriotism bs. So when I was working with six Chinese associations who spoke fluently, it actually blew my mind. Thus I asked the whether that stereotype was true, everyone gave me a more or less similar answer, which I used in my comment. Anyway, for 25 millions people to gather at one place, my guess is it must occur in a major city that should provide decent education for its cotizen; therefore they're likely to get her name right.

Wait… it’s all Florida? Now it is.

Welcome to Florida, please enjoy the complimentary insanity

*holds up Nihilego* I brought my own, thanks.

Norman forgets, or ignores, many of his plot points. I don't know if the water columns had to be a thing, since the wind did start up, again (I think). But the heat of a constant summer would be brutal. The muggy summers of southeastern Pennsylvania are bad enough, but all year long? Call me Assassin #986.

@@ericgaw113 and it seems like it's being that way now fuck theresa

Hmm... but let’s play pretend for two seconds, and say that Norman didn’t mess up on that one; I’m curious about what would happen to a star if you were able to drain elements from it. Would it be a risk of said star imploding? I kept thinking about it throughout the video, and hoping to find someone in the comments who would know. I myself study literature, and the only sorta factual thing I can say about this book is yikes... this guy just threw every single rule into the abyss... out of a window would be nice... but this guy obliterated them. So yeah... hoping that you have some idea about this hypothetical scenario I would otherwise like to wish you a good day 😊 Hoping that you’re safe and healthy

Found the nerds :D

@@GrifoStelle The nerds are everywhere in these comments, don't you worry. We're trying pointlessly to salvage this poor excuse for a book.

@@Ingemaja With the amounts she took... maybe not.

@@Ingemaja The answer to this question is a bit like asking what temperature Ice would melt at if you could rearrange the molecules of water into any shape you wanted by hand in real time, which is to say that it doesn't really have an answer because the thing you have to presuppose for it to even be a question changes Everything so much that it's not really possible to guess how things would work in that universe, at least, not without some expensive mathematical modeling. The reason stars don't produce anything after Iron is because that's the point at which is becomes impossible to actually generate energy from nuclear fusion - fusing anything heavier takes more energy than it generates, so it only actually happens as a byproduct of stars / neutron stars imploding. If you just change that, you're either changing some fundamental laws of physics in a way that makes it very difficult to predict anything (I couldn't tell you for sure if planets would exist in a universe where stars could fuse uranium) or fundamentally changing how stars work too much to easily make meaningful predictions about them. If I had to guess, though, or we just presupposed we were stealing hydrogen or helium from the sun or whatever, I can't see any reason why that would put it at any increased risk of imploding. It's not like we ever Could steal an amount of anything from the sun that would be significant in comparison to the mass of the sun itself; you could take an amount of anything weighing ten times as much as the earth out of the sun without making a dent in it. Stars implode because the constant generation of energy that causes them to 'expand' (or rather, for there to be a force of expansion that counteracts the gravitational force of the star itself) dries up and the whole thing's incredibly huge mass starts to collapse in on itself. There's no reason why removing any of that mass would cause an implosion.

Good idea, but I'm not sure that'd actually help this garbage heap. Every other character in the book *already* gushes over her and it's obnoxious still 😂

Now we just have a stupid and unreliable narrator- wait a minute I have an idea

If the book was self-aware and portrayed Theresa as an unreliable narrator, then first person narration would be perfect.

I recall something saying Norman originally wrote it in 3rd person and changed it to 1st person because he liked the Hunger Games, but didn't make proper adjustments. Bearing that in mind a lot more of the book makes sense, primarily the sections here with Jan and Steve and the recap in Part 2.

@@skyblade7438 That actually would explain quite a lot, one question is had reading the was "does Norman not understand that Theresa thing that to herself is different from someone else saying that about her"?

Even Dolores Umbridge?

@@siriusPuwu Yeah, tbh. I'm willing to go there because Theresa flat-out takes the rules, makes them her bitch, then imposes her own rules that can't be avoided without fates worse than death on everyone else.

Yep, my thoughts exactly Even fucking Mephistopheles himself has more redeeming traits than Theresa

Theresa literally killed millions of people by suddenly putting everyone to sleep And THEN eliminating The human race since she put then to SLEEP And The book not declaring that she stopped their ageing

It's offensive to Joker to even compare him to Theresa. At least Joker just wants to metaphorically watch the world burn. Theresa wants to LITERALLY watch the world burn.

I mean, the Christian god is pretty fucking stupid with his own abilities too, so they're really just god.

The fanfiction would actually be better written than both books combined.

​@@coffinmyface4237 lol try harder

Theresa takes with a high diff Daniel(greg) has better feats but needed outside help to deal with the three god parts Hals reflexs seem to take place after one interaction That or daniel gets a hard on cause theresa acts like a child and instantly swoons over her