These Triggers Are Telltale Signs You Were Neglected and Ostracized in Childhood 

Me too.. everywhere at work anywhere. I gave up I don't try anymore if someone isn't responding positively I drop the trying

I was Bullied from childhood up to 2001 when I was able to summon the courage & said to myself that Tuesday morning, 'if I perish, I Perish. I stood up for myself & fight back my Most terrifying bully Chima, in boys toilet. That day was the Last day anybody ever bullied me. Till date I get triggered when someone hurts/offends me & thinks I can't do them Anything. I'll rather go to Any Length to do the person the unthinkable & damn every consequences. Offending me & feeling cocky (ie thinking I CAN NOT do you anything triggers me to do the person something that even comes with hurts consequences to me ). Of course I don't regret my actions in such instance. But truthfully, I really want to stop such approach to addressing Hurts/Offenses from people. But human beings can push our wrong bottons some time. Hence why I avoid very crowded places... It's crazy, but true. Thanks for your video Anna❤

Its on my list!

20:56 Miss Fairy! If it is ok, may i lightly challenge a little something? 21 minutes in you say something along the lines of "i dont even bother," and "id rather not get into conflict". This little section kinda sounds like you are cutting off communication off an assumption of soneone elses reaction based on your emotions. My tone with pointing this out is intended to be gentle, and i have a quick bit of context on why this stuck out. Im diagnosed high functioning autistic. Ive battled with a ton of emotions and recently ive doubled down on trying to notice when im projecting or assuming responses from others based on my emotions. It is just so reflexive sometimes, and while witholding is a better solution than lashing out, calm communication is even better than that. At least, that is how i feel. Also wanted to mention. I often over explain out of excitement. It's so hard to assume someone knows everything im wanting to talk about. I'd want someone to gently inform me if im explaining something they know so i dont invoke those feelings of frustration. Yet also id want to be told you know something so i could ask, "alright, how much of x topic do you know" and we can be on the same page talking on the same level. Again, i apologize for any offense. Ive just learned the hard way that cutting off avenues of conversation and communication often are only partial answers. Also, please take this all with a grain of salt as im nowhere near your education, and i simply noticed something according to my limited understanding.

@@pyrosfyre789 that’s not what she’s saying. She is saying that she picks her battles. Sometimes it’s not worth the effort to address everyone on every little point. You’ll end up exhausting yourself in the end. It takes self control and humility to allow for others to be “right” even when they’re “wrong” for the sake of your own sanity. Some people aren’t worth the trouble. (Not worth the trouble because they aren’t near and dear to your heart, you may never even see them again. Strangers.)

In a lot of ways, I still feel like that. I'm in my 50s

That’s a good way to put it. I feel exactly the same

I felt like that my whole life, even at work for 35 years. Only in my '60's, I started understanding where these feelings stem from. I'm happier now than I've ever been in my life (despite the aging stuff) because I now understand so much more of the how and why and have been able to stop blaming myself and others for all the triggers.

Or the rules are fair for everyone else but not you

I wasn’t given one either, but maybe they did, but being dyslexic/adhd I wouldn’t have read it 😂

Me, too, and I'm 63.

I'm not married. No kids. Not divorced. I'm not financially independent or well traveled. So, I feel left out always.

I'm years older than you and am the same way😢

Me too fellas. Keep searching healing. I’ve been finding lots of healing through reading the psalms in the Bible. Love my brothers in the fight!

Myself included at age 64 I have no friends cousin a couple towns away otherwise the rest of my family is out of state so most of my time is spent all alone obviously I never got married never had children other than my two cats

🎉🎉💯💯

Same here

Yes, so painful ❤❤

this is so true. especially when you see that experience repeated in adulthood. I had a really close friend who reassured me over years that i was worth being friends with and being loved, i shared so many deep wounds with them and then one day, they didn't agree with the way i was handling a certain situation, it was just a matter of opinion, i didn't kill anyone or break a marriage or piss on anyones dog, it wasnt even about politics, it was just about me deciding not to forgive a mutual friend who did me wrong and homie lashed out at me so bad. called me names, called me disgusting, narcissistic, selfish, i was shocked frankly. All of this over their principle of objective truth VS my decision to prioritize my personal experience. It was so extremely damaging but i'm learning not to make declarations about myself because of their behavior. But how shitty huh

The worst thing about betrayal is it doesn't come from an enemy.

What if...??.!! What if we boldly say would you please talk about that privately? Elsewhere? Or maybe excuse ourselves and leave? Let's take our power back and not continue to be subject to this torture.

Or show pictires and not pass them to you.

I have been there. They are not worth your time or energy.

I notice many of us still are in this case.

This!

What is neurodivergent? Please.

@@MsJamieburns autistic spectrum.

​@@MsJamieburnsusually means on the autism spectrum.

My mom is a Narcissist. She plays favorites. She literally loves to make one sister feel loved and special and then when she gets what she wants she drops you ( me) like a hot potato. You are so desperate to get any affection from her and deep down inside you know she is setting you up for the fall. It sucks. I have really backed away from my mom at age 57. It hurts. I'd love to have a mom who loves me as much as I love my kids.

You're in the right place. Nika@TeamFairy

I feel like if our parents neglected to help us emotionally navigate our bullying, that may be a subtler form of neglect, but it always sounds like such a severe condemnation of them that I struggle to use it. Still, I do wish my parents would have shown some interest and compassion to help rather than just a halfhearted shrug and “kids can be cruel.”

Didn't bother telling them ​@@21cormorants

@@21cormorantsyup, I think if your parents were to say it was your fault you were being bullied, that would also count as neglectful?

Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible! Nika@TeamFairy

I understand the impulse , but if you neglect yourself , how can you expect anybody else to care about you? Self-care is A#1 important first step in changing your life. I wish you the best and that, and only you can make the choice to do that for yourself. If it seems overwhelming, just "chunk it down" and pick one small, tangible thing tomorrow you can do that would improve your life. Could be as simple as picking up cloths off the floor. Get that 1 thing done. Then, pick another. Maybe.getting dishes out of the sink. Or making a doctor's appointment. One per day. You can do it.

Baby steps are a good natural start.

Ohhhh I so identify with that. Ohh man.

Felt this. Hoo boy!

It's rude. Period. I can excuse people who do it on occasion and don't mean harm. But I have some habitual offenders in my life and it irks me to no end. Especially if it's something that's common knowledge. I'm getting ever close to 60. I've been around the block a few times. And I'm not stupid. Even if I state, at the beginning of a conversation that I'm not looking for advice or "help" those same people will bombard me with mundane information every...single...time.

@@omarra6781 agreed. Absolutely. Insufferable fools.

@@omarra6781you just said exactly how I feel.

I prefer to be left alone to avoid the triggers that leave me drained and worse.

❤ yes - Take take take

When I was young I was always affected by not being invited or included in something. It hurt. As an adult, I prefer not to be invited to things and if I am invited I immediately start thinking of how I’m going to say no. It doesn’t hurt my feelings anymore. I used to be the worst at saying no and had so much anxiety around possibly hurting someone’s feelings that I would talk myself back into the thing I was saying no to. But now, I just thank them for thinking of me but I’m not going to be able to attend. It’s simple. Wish I learned this in my younger years.

​@@a.h.3456oh my yes, agree with every word.

YES.

Im so sorry...

This is something that isn't talked about much. In a way, children are parentified and expected to "grow up fast' ❤

I felt this. My heart goes out to you that you endured this. I have a similar situation with my brother who is the golden child and is also very sick both physically and mentally. My old man didn't care about us, only to punish us for any sort of slight. My mother felt guilty for "making" my brother sick (both of them have juvenile diabetes; it ran in the family.) I got ignored while everything became about my brother. He could do no wrong despite doing a lot of wrong and getting a pass for it because "he's sick." It was awful growing up being tormented and tortured by my brother and knowing that my dad wouldn't give a shit and my mom excused everything. I too am expected to take care of my brother when my mom passes away. I'm not. My parents refused to get him the help he needed as a child, and now he is a monster with no quality of life, deeply enmeshed with my mother and estranged from my father. Those bridges were burned decades ago, and my brother is on his own. I totally feel you and wish I could give you a hug. I know how difficult it is to be crying out for help but get ignored because your problems aren't as severe because you're high functioning and "easy." You had no choice but to be that way. I'm thrilled that your relationship with your mother has improved. Sadly, mine never will, but I am very happy for you that you and your mom were able to work things out.

I HATE hearing “children are resilient “ to justify neglect. No. They. Are. Not.

“You are not the only pebble on the beach” - that’s how my needs were shut down and shamed.

I wish you the best

So, how did the "golden child" connection end? Was it your doings or your mom’s?

@@Cre80sYou sound judgmental and it seems you are trying to blame him for a role he never asked to be put in.

Hang in there! We're all rooting for you! Nika@TeamFairy

@@TA-vr5fp Uhhhh... blame?? I'm only asking how the story unfolded. Jeez. Cool your jets.

I can relate. Same here, when I had an appendectomy as a child. Forgot until you mentioned it. Sorry you went through that 💜.

I can relate - used to wish I could be admitted to the hospital after I saw how my cousin got doted on when she fell sick. I was raised by grandparents after my mother died when I was 2. They did their best, however, they had my sister, other children and grandkids in the home so not enough attention to go around.

I was a hospital-based social worker for 35 years. What you speak of is not that unusual. I had quite a few patients who seemed to actually like the attention and care they got in the hospital. These included elderly people who lived alone, homeless/transients, and sometimes just ordinary people who were always expected to care for others but not got any care themselves. I kind of felt it myself when I was in hospital for a hernia surgery! Your frank admission does not surprise me in the least. I was neglected by my father and abused by my mother as a kid. I was a breech birth (which my mother never let me forget , "You were born backwards and have been backwards ever since!" and she told me I was supposed to have been a girl, not a a boy. Just imagine what my life was like after she opened and read a love letter from my BF in college; I was 19! I forgave them once I took a close look at their own parental role models: mom's mom very neurotic and mostly likely with an undiagnosed mental illness and dad's dad a wife-beating alcoholic. That and their involvement in serving our country in WW2, and thus traumatized to some degree, convinced me to forgive them in both prayer and meditation. I am doing great now.

Good luck. Just get another job and spend your money doing fun stuff. Travel, massage, etc. Good luck. I don't travel because I got tired of going alone everywhere.

To the right friend, you’re never “too much.” I now have just a couple close friends and it took 40+ years to find my place.

I have no friends myself

Hi, I'll be your friend ​@@marryholland5119

Honestly I used to be here. Wanted to be alone, didn’t even want to talk on the phone with people anymore. Now I have friends, a decent job, and a longing to create relationships. I think sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves, let yourself heal and keep working on yourself, things will fall into place. Hope this makes sense lol

We're all weird bro, don't sweat it keep smiling

@lightnessofsprit I can appreciate that you are trying to reassure me and I really appreciate it, but it's not really helping... It feels invalidating... It's invalidating the lifelong rejections and failures I have faced as an autistic person, like if everyone is weird, then why was I rejected so much by my peers? If it's so universal, why did I feel so alienated? You know what I mean?

@@princeollie1022my hope is that society is changing , and it seems there are more unique people then there are normies and attitudes are changing a little. One step at a time. Keep smiling, it really helps lift your mood if you make yourself smile. Take care.

@greenthumb8266 It is changing. A lot more people get diagnosed and figure out that they are autistic which is good for acceptance, but we still have a lot more to do to get there... And when I was growing up, it was even worse. Which is why I have trauma related to a lifelong amount of rejection by my peers and an absent parent.

Same, dear

Exactly the same.

Ditto.

Don't go. Let her have her destination wedding. ID say I am going to stay home.

@@2RyledI agree!!

Wow, sounds like you are do better off without that loser! And shame on your sister

One thing that I'm learning, It's ok to say NO I'm not going to--- I no longer subject myself, to abusive "people". Life is to short! I'm sorry that your sister treated you, and your brother like that! I encourage you to be brave, and do something fun and enjoyable instead of going to her wedding. Best wishes 🌿

❤

I love my isolation. I just do. I have a part-time job that I really enjoy, I have an electric bike that I ride, I have a cat that I love. I can't risk my mental health anymore. I'm sending you strength, courage, and big hugs, from Tulsa. 💪⚔️🫂. ☮️💖

That's a strange thing to email someone. I could see if it was a pattern, but if it was why wouldn't he explain it in a respectful way?

Holy shit, I am so sorry that happened to you. God that must have hurt. We may not be happy, but we are healing and working on ourselves... And that's gotta count for something. Good luck, stranger.

@@LynneSimpson-mm3us thank you xxx

I've never heard anyone say "neglected ...academically". I appreciate this! This has been the cause of so much of my pain all of my life.

Glad you are a part of our community here! Nika@TeamFairy

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Glad you are here. Nika@TeamFairy

👉It wouldn't be unreasonable to remind your daughter that your grandsons are her children, not yours. Explain that while you enjoy being helpful caring for them, you're not their mother - she is. 👉You might also suggest she include her sons in outings and that the experiences will benefit their development more than being excluded like inconveniences - parents plans include their children the vast majority of the time. 👉This slice of your life's pie belongs to you. 👉Unless you take ownership of it, you'll die never having tasted a single bite.

That's so sad. You didn't deserve any of that mistreatment or neglect. I hope you can find a good friend who can show you what a true friendship is. However, if you choose solitude, I hope you enjoy the time you spend with yourself learning and growing and enjoying knowing YOU.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

I can relate to a lot of this my friend. Similar but not same. I was the oldest of 5 and all the others were adopted, wanted, while I moved through foster home after foster home never understanding why no one wanted me. I hope you are finding ways to heal and find serenity. You are worth good things. Thank you for sharing. 💜

Brought tears to my eyes...

I'm a 48 year old Spock parenting survivor.

My mother raised me on Dr. Spock's books.

I know I saw that book in our house. Not sure if it was followed on all of us or maybe just me.

I was a product of that, at least where it all began. The neglect started pretty early. From infancy until I left home. No guidance, barely seen, and made to feel like nuisance

My very independent-minded mom told me she took one skim through that "dopey" book, laughed, and said "no thanks!" That was over 60 years ago..

It's pretty easy to get in trouble at work for making jokes these days. I wouldn't assume the problem is actually you. The place I used to work became a silent uptight hell hole when the 20 somethings arrived in the last 6 or 7 years. All my buddies got in shit for pretty benign teasing behavior we all partook in for years previously without issue.

It's good to have an outlet outside of work it makes you more easy to deal with and feel more at ease at work

I think one of the points of her video is you can learn to change that by working on yourself and healing your childhood wounds. I agree with Anna that it's possible because I've done a lot of work on myself. It's hard work but greatest self-gift you can give. I wish you the best in it because it's really the only way to change your life.

The abuse and neglect from our childhood literally marks us. Now we know why.❤❤❤

I think this is common…women are often neglected and criticized by their family, especially in cultures where boys are favored. Then the women get married and are criticized by their husband’s family if that family believes ‘no woman is good enough for our golden boy’. Girls are (usually or commonly) always second class citizens….not promoted, not recognized, passed over, ignored. Right at this moment I am being expected to give up my ticket for a music performance next month, so my father can swan around at it with his ‘new wife’, a woman barely 5 years older than me and of course a lot smaller (she is Asian and we are Caucasian), and of course so much better looking acc to my dad.

That's me. My kids tell me that I'm a different person around them. I can't be myself around them because I was always criticized and viewed as a disappointment.

Do you have ANY friends? Or do you assume that nobody wants to spend time with you so you don’t bother? Sounds like the people who exclude you are people who don’t want to hang out with anyway.

I’m finally at a job where I actually like my coworkers and actually want to hang out with them socially as well as professionally. I’ve had a long career where I haven’t made any friends sometimes on purpose, sometimes because I have zero in common and don’t care. But the right corporate culture in the right job slowly changed my mind.

I can resonate with this. And I'm sorry you're also dealing with this. In a lot of places, there's a basic template and if your coworkers fit into it, and you don't, then they will just see you as weird. Instead of awesome! We can't become like them because it would be awful! Their conversations and their drinking makes them the same as one another. So their needs get met by being the same. Little mirrors for one another right? It's like high school. Ugh. Those who want to drink and fit the cookie cutter mold all group together. The rest of us have no one who gets us. Those cookie cutter people are everywhere sadly.

I felt this so deeply, almost word for word. I'm giving you a big, huge internet hug. I totally get it. Best wishes to you in your healing.

Referring to yourself as "unique" and all the coworkers as "basic" might be a clue why they are all out having fun together and you aren't included.Theres a lot of implied superiority in that.

I understand that family dynamic. Being in that environment just snuffs out your inner light. When you are able to find your light and your inner power and vision, things change. I believe we are here for a reason. May you find many beautiful things in the world that are waiting for you.

@@vivere__ ❤️

Keep it up! Nika@TeamFairy

I recommend pete walker's book called, Complex PTSD -From Surviving to Thriving. Your life will make a lot more sense to you.And he gives good practical pointers about how to deal with triggers. Anna often refers to him.

@@paulaa6810 Thanks for the recommendation, I am definitely a book person. I am excited to get Anna's book, and learn more.

57 , youngest of 14 , they were all close in age, I came along 7 years later, my poor mother, 14 deliveries and two miscarriages and she worked full time. I was SA by the family’s favorite brother, and unseen by everyone else. We survived now let’s thrive.

Thanks.

Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible! Nika@TeamFairy

That’s terrible. 😔 I’m so sorry you went through that. We’re all in this healing journey together. ❤️‍🩹

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. It sounds hard, but we're glad you're here. Nika@TeamFairy

You are so welcome

We're glad you are here. Nika@TeamFairy

Sorry to hear that. Hang in there. Nika@TeamFairy

Her glasses are awesome too!

I can relate to that .

I'm sorry to hear that. Hang in there! Nika@TeamFairy

Same. I actually have a hard time relating to these videos, because so much of them talk about poor behavior or actual abuse from parents or partners. But I had amazing parents, and I have an amazing spouse. I just don't have friends, and have experienced ostracization (occasionally very specific, deliberate, and targeted) all my life. I've lost friends one by one over my life, until now I have literally none. And usually, it's through ghosting - I never know what the reason is, but - the common denominator is me. It must be something about me. I just wish someone had the balls to tell me why, because I can't change something I don't know about. (And honestly, I probably can't change it anyway.) I'm wondering more and more if I'm on the spectrum, and what everyone's noticing is that I'm just.....odd, awkward, indefinably strange - they can't put their finger on it, but they just know they don't want to be around it. And sometimes, you just HAVE to 'take yourself out'. I had a best friend since childhood, part of a group of friends. I moved away in high school, but we stayed in touch, visited, etc. I moved back as an adult for a couple of years, a number of us had babies around the same time. Finances dictated that I had to move away again, but again, we stayed in touch, visited etc. My friend's sister actually moved to just a few miles away from me. We all hung out occasionally. And then suddenly....my friend just sort of fell off, didn't really talk to me any more, didn't visit - didn't visit ME, of course she visited her sister. And then on social media, I would notice the bulk of my old friend group taking 'girl trips' in my state, effectively passing right by where I lived - but I was never told, never included. It got so painful to see everyone having fun, so specifically without me, that I had to unfriend them all. I'm not even certain if my friend noticed that I unfriended her. I think she had probably 'unfollowed' me prior to that, anyway. We didn't have to remain as close as we once were, I get that. But I am certain that she sees her sister regularly, and even her parents moved nearby, so she's likely visiting them too - I can't imagine that she isn't here every month, two at the most. And I wouldn't expect to monopolize her time, but in the nearly 10 years since things changed, you'd think that ONCE she could tell her family, 'hey, I'm going to have coffee with flippetskater, I'll be back in an hour'. But it's never happened. She's ignoring me, and I'm NOT imagining it. She called once, about 5 years ago, ostensibly to tell me that a mutual friend's father had died...but really it was to lowkey brag that she had a new house. She suggested that a group of us get together, but that never happened. (Or at least, not including me.) I didn't hear a thing from her for another five years, when I got a FB message wishing me a happy birthday (as it was a 'milestone' one). I ignored that - I had to. At this point, any contact is going to have to come with an apology, because she can't be unaware that she basically just dropped me with no explanation.

Wonderful! Thank you for spreading the support! Nika@TeamFairy

I'm so glad the channel has been helpful, we're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Hang in there! Nika@TeamFairy

Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Nobody can be allowed to be your master that shames you. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of love. I hope you remember to BE YOUR OWN master and you have the strenght to leave everything and everyone behind that tries to set doubt about you being your own master in your mind! 💚💚💚