third places, stanley cup mania, and the epidemic of loneliness 

I mean, what’s up with Disney and Nickelodeon? Why don’t they make shows for this demographic anymore? I’m sure they made a ton of money on those back in the day, so it makes no sense as to why there aren’t any nowadays

girl... did you just come from khadija's channel? cause same lol

They killed Adolescence. It's an important phase between 11 and 18.

​@@GH-fb9dhNobody watches cable TV these days. Disney and Nick are desperately trying to grab the attentions of 1~5 year olds because thats whats thats parents let em watch (or some let their kids on screens 24/7) there is no kids show like before because kids are on youtube and tiktok now.

@@perfectly_normal_human_nam627fuii😮u😮😮how

as a library lover thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

THANK YOU! I kept scrolling and scrolling, looking for someone to namedrop libraries.

Great to remind that ❤️

Ah yes, the place where all the filthy homeless men high on drugs go to to watch porn on the free computers. Idyllic.

Yeah they've figure it out in my area 😂 Libraries now sound like high school cafeterias, it's Loud and overrun with groups

This is so true. I’ve had many friends who just cut contact permanently after one mishap.

I’m sorry to hear that Nick, you’re not alone there!

Life is cheap and getting cheaper it seems sometime… everyone and everything is replaceable and made obsolete.

i’m working on not doing this

Maybe a better phrasing would be "You're not real friends until you fight *and make up*"... At least that's what I think? Your mother is right on the money, though!

i'm also going to major in urban planning! and yes i'm glad our generation values third places, walkability and urban infrastructure that brings people together

You will do great things! :)

I never really used to think about urban planning until I started doing the Jane’s walks every year. That woman was brilliant. You can’t help but start to think about walkability. The amount of community gardens seems to be on the rise as well which can only be a good thing.

@fireflei same here! hopefully starting this fall. i really am drawn to the social aspect of urban spaces

Not Just Bikes and Strong Towns are great urban planning RU-vidrs highlighting the importance of walkable neighborhoods. Good luck in all your endeavors!

Yessss. The gym has become a main social aspect for so many working 9-5. Its the only time we have to take care of our bodies might as well be friendly w those trying to do the same

the number of high-school age children taking over the rooms after workout class says enough. I don't mind personally it's always nice to see young people getting out of their homes to hangout with friends.

Hard though cause everyone’s always wearing headphones, makes it awkward to talk to someone lol

literally, I was even planning on going there to make friends lol (I didn't go through with it though)

Yes but it’s still private 🙈🙈🙈

beyond brutal, I never even got to have a lot of friends or a big social life as a teen because of the pandemic

I feel this 😢

​@@iiCounted-op5jxsame 😿

Babe, that's all of us. We ALL feel that way.

I think a lot of people understand this

steer clear of those ones. They will call you toxic & that you are imposing on them. Where did this whole high vibration/low vibration crap come from. I know of one woman who posts this stuff on FB all the time about clearing out the toxic people. She is now on her 5th husband, has 3 out 4 kids with severe disabilities, had a drinking problem...who's toxic/????? ( i mean the kid issue, one can't control or be discriminated against, but 5 marriages?????) People have become selfish, not individualistic

That’s just gross.

I feel attacked lol im all for equally yoked relationships but I do see people as major inconveniences at this point in my life since im on a whole spiritual journey and dont have the energy budget to want to interact with low vibrational beings as i dont want their energy to deplete mine. Especially since i know my boundaries arent all the way up to par yet and ive only been in relationships whether relatives or "Friends" that habitually use me/take from me without pouring anything into me back.I think people are becoming more aware of toxic individuals and how it effects their lives so they're cutting people off more

Yes!!! The increased phenomenon of people complaining about others "trauma dumping" and "oversharing" is a perfect example of this. I've seen so many people say they hate small talk, but then they also seem to hate when people talk about anything real. Of course, there are exceptions; don't dump your shit on someone who is genuinely drowning in their own shit, someone you just met, or an unsuspecting employee who is literally paid to be nice to you. But if people really want meaningful, long-lasting relationships, they need to be willing to be vulnerable with others.

@@Jess-yp9fo if you stopped using all these crazy BUZZWORDS like 'equally yoked' or 'low vibration' or 'energy budget' you might be a more relaxed & likable person. Being friends with someone means that one has strengths & WEAKNESSES that offset the other's strengths & weaknesses. But what we fail to do any more, is have some compassion & tolerance for other's WEAKNESSES or downfalls, by recognizing that we also have weaknesses, quirks, annoying habits. All the people that are cutting off 'toxic' people will be left alone - because in reality they are the toxic ones. people are part of the Spiritual Journey & if you look at them as inconveniences, I don't honestly know what kind of spirituality you will ever find. sorry

Lmao. In small town Midwest America, where the only store is Walmart and they still do this shit. Stealing, making messes just to watch us clean it up , and all that. Literally can’t say shit either beyond asking them to leave once or twice politely because our heads will be on their parents platter if we so much insinuate that they are nuisances.

I saw a mob of them in Target the other day destroying the make up section. All were in the 9 to 12 range & not an adult in sight. I needed mascara but didn't even want to go down the aisle, so I paid an extra $3 for the same mascara at CVS. 😒

Exactly. I’ve worked part-time at Anthropologie for 15 years as of March. So I’m not there as much, but when I am, the cluster of little girls are trying on the clothes and stepping out of them and leaving them on the floor. And for those with allergies, the best part is they are spraying way too much perfume on and around the perfume station. But we see adults do this too. It’s annoying in all age groups. But for the kiddos… never a parent in sight when the gaggle of girls come in. Never. There is literally one child who comes in with her parent who likes our clothes and is like an adult in an 11 year old’s body. She is a unicorn among untamed ponies. She’s very respectful, doesn’t talk over her or interrupt mom, and is kind. All the staff love her. She’s our last hope y’all 😂

With this, i wonder if it was ever any different. And maybe this store is their third place.

They’ve removed it because to the younger generations now everything is “cringe”.

yeah honestly i would love to take half a day off work to pick up a friend. life’s so busy that it would be a welcome respite.

Exactly. I get that some people are busy, but, you know, just say, "I can't. I'm busy." You don't have to rant about how asking a friend for a favor is "selfish".

I was honestly taken aback by that take?? Like why even call it a "friend" if you cant do that. I genuinely thought that was a wholesome and exciting experience for everyone?

@@BbybunnI love how you call it wholesome… not because it isn’t wholesome… it is so wholesome…❤

I do agree! But I wouldn’t ask my friends to woke up in the middle of the night to pick me up at airport, or during their work hours.

There are many parks.. who criminalizes being outside..

laying on benches is policed because of hostility toward homeless people, also why we have hostile architecture to prevent laying down on benches & such !

@@MyraAnn23 mainly local governments and yes they genuinely do criminalize being outside if you’re not spending money, which kids don’t have. a lack of parks and public spaces means that you kinda have to go hang out at businesses. we had malls, but malls are mostly dead after the lockdowns. out of fear of shoplifting or houseless people being okay, the businesses enforce rules against just hanging out.

capitalism has destroyed chilling!

Damn crazy

For real. I don't understand how some "friend" groups can operate as basically just a collection of counter-dependent acquaintances that meet up on a semi regular basis. No depth. No warmth. Everyone's afraid of rejection so in the end no one tries making that bid for deeper connection. Everyone wants to act perfect or cool or whatever and not seem vulnerable since everyone fears being perceived as weak or incompetent. It's all just one big status/social game of who's the best. I'm lucky that I have a best friend that I can trust and depend on (and vice versa). Quality relationships > Quantity relationships, right?

yup this, 100%

Wow, I could have written this comment. I have actually stopped trying to ask people to hang out because I know I looked clingy when I used to do it and get rejected.

Maybe we think about these labels differently, but I kinda relate. I want to be the low maintenance friend, because I feel like I have been very high maintenance the last few years with my mental health. I love my friends but I don't see them much or talk to them much. I'm not scared of being vulnerable, they all know what I'm going through, I talk about it. I just feel like too much of a burden with how I feel most of the time in my depression. I don't really have much to talk about, I don't really have energy to do much, and people, even people who love you will struggle with listening to depression talk for too often. Ibe been recently reexamining a lot of that. I feel like a lot of my friends are so used to function around being hyper self sufficient and low maintenance that they either expect the same from their friends or they not only never ask but started refusing help to maintain that feeling. Which somewhat makes me feel like more of a burden for needing support, or for at the very least wanting a relationship where we support each other for fun. Come hang out with me while I cook, help me clean up, whatever.

Getting dinner once or twice / a month is the perfect amount if you have an an active life going on. The only people who do more than that are the straight women who like to be joined at the hip with other straight women. Which is perfectly fine, but acting like its a moral obligation is wild.

I noticed this too! When I was a cashier, I had an older customer who would regularly buy me starbucks simply because I chatted with him at the line - he said he wasn't used to it and wanted to give me a gift for making his day. It's cute, but sad because I KNOW interactions like that rarely happen with younger generations unless its to be recorded on social media for clout.

It's funny how I was constantly called polite for my age, 21, for literally just saying hi. Holding a door or asking if someone's ok.

I do notice this is true in a lot of cases, BUT that their generalizing for reciprocity is limited to only the people that they approve of. Just for a personal example, I have always looked pretty young and even now at 31 I get carded every single time and often clocked for early 20s. So when my kids were a few years younger I’d get a lot of dirty looks and quick shuffling past by older people because I looked like a single teen mom. It didn’t matter that I’ve been married with their dad for 12 years or that I have two college degrees, they just saw me as a teen mom and therefore beneath their kindness and generosity. But now that my kids are older so they can extrapolate that I’m older, we get a lot more pleasant interactions; older ladies will chat with me for 15-20 minutes at the library or grandpa types will buy my daughter’s ice cream in the grocery store line. So I think the trickle down effect of this over time is that most younger people haven’t ever experienced this generalized reciprocity from the older generations, so they’ve missed out on the chance to see how important and meaningful it is to building a community.

Your grandfather was from a time when people trusted each other. Now they don't.

I'm 45. Considering how many serial killers and criminals were cage-free even when I was a kid in the 80s, it's kind of amusing how dismissive we generally are, haha. I still tend to stick with people who don't give off the cannibal murderer vibe. You're more likely to get that thank you, that smile and wave back, a little bit of waiting in line conversation from people my age and up. The rest are so down their own navels/locked into the phone/have earbuds in it's almost no use. If you can make them notice you, you'll at least get a nod and that's usually enough for me from a stranger. Malls used to be tween/teen Third Places, but we're busy killing those. More effort needs to go into public parks. The easiest place to make a basic-needs human interaction is at the park or waiting in a line. It's shared circumstance and/or interests of the moment. This is just my anecdotal experience. I know younger people who participate in the world, and at least one friend older than myself who should have the posture of a sphere given his iPhone is all but surgically grafted to his eyeballs.

no wayy this is so fitting 😨😨 also i love the little prince! 🎀

Almost a hundred years ago and it’s still going on!!! Sad!

Ope, there are the tears from this book again 😭💜

My heart beat so fast when I saw what you're quoting. Probably my favourite book of all time. The most precious, little compendium of simple truths in life.

omg the little prince ❤

Collecting water bottles is completely fine, collections are kinda pointless sometimes. If a few of the cups are getting used, probably they even use them in rotation, they are fulfilling their purpose. You don't own just _one_ drinking glass, just because you technically only ever use one at a time. It _does_ defeat the purpose of these cups to throw them out after a few years, and it does defeat their purpose to fill them with water you bought in bottles. Whiiiich are things that are probably happening/ going to happen.

at this point it's just to show they can afford it ig

I keep losing my mind when I watch them fill their reusable bottles from single use plastic bottles

Yeah like I’ve had my hydroflask since I was 13 (8 years ago) and it’s still going strong. I’ve had to resist so many temptations to get new colors and new brands that look nice, because it’s not the point. These things can last a really long time when they’re well taken care of.

@@anzaia2164 I don’t own just one drinking glass because I have a dishwasher, live in a home with more than one person, and have guests sometimes. A reusable bottle is meant to replace a single-use water bottle, and last for years. You do not need more than one.

Me too.

same here.

Thanks for sharing your perspective. It makes me feel very hopeful 💖

@@Empathy-and-resilience aw, thank you for this comment. I’m glad it was helpful in some way!

Cool, I'm happy for you all I hope your online communities continue to exist as a place for you all. It's destroying the rest of society though so we need to find a solution here 🙏🏾 for people who can be outside they need to be outside. The Internet and more specifically social media is a black hole for many, whatever marginal benefits exist are offset by the horrible drawbacks to basically socialization. Yes I'm on here and have been on here and will continue to be on here. It is still not optimized for human connection

I think in the past, people went thru much more intense/tragic circumstances that bonded them for life. For instance, intergeneration living during the Depression, men going thru war or boot camp together, women being there thru child birth or death with each other. Much more severe medical struggles, due to lack of technology, etc...my great uncle maintained friendships with all of his buddies from high school, because they all enlisted in the marines together during WWII. They got married & their wives became friends, their kids were raised to be friends. family units were stronger, so your siblings were life long friends. your female relatives would bond over childrearing. Now, every thing seems like a competition with people, families are geographically spread out, & women don't stick to hanging with women & likewise for men. we have fractured the social bonds... the only person that I see that I went to school with/grew up with is my hubby😁. We grew up down the road from each other. I haven't interacted with any school 'friends' in 25 years.

@WayTooEleni -- So much this! A lot of people are only "friends of convenience". If I make a good friend, who is equally invested in the friendship, I go out of my way to keep them. Even if, like my bff, they don't live nearby me. Due to my bff's schedule and health, they aren't able to come to me. But they love hosting me, and we don't have to do anything in particular to just enjoy each other's company. It's worth the travel time. . I just wish more people were willing to make the effort and keep their promises to be a real friend who makes space for others in their lives. And I do realize it IS an effort -- it takes time and energy. But for our own mental health's sake if nothing else, it's worth it to do it. It's a cost that gives plenty of gains back if both halves of the relationship share the burden to reap the reward.

THIS ⬆ but in capital letters.

A lot of people are also very tired now. Theres also this thing of you cannot just truly hangout with a friend, doing nothing because thats wasting time. You always have to be doing smt, going somewhere. And because people are tired now, they don't have the energy to do that.

@@DrBitchcraft. And isn't that a funny conundrum. Because one of the easiest ways to 'hang out' while being 'tired' is to DO nothing. our culture has gotten so weird! My favorite thing to do is to just sit with a friend over a cup of coffee & chat or look at the projects/garden/etc that we've been working on. but my mom is like the type you are referring to - must be 'doing something' - hiking, shopping, etc...can never just relax. weird.

shocking that this needs to be said

That's some ugly behavior

Hell, my brother wouldn’t pick me up at the airport when my flight got cancelled and the airport was closing for the night. Talk about feeling abandoned.

Had it happen to me years ago. I thought she was a friend. I kept her updated on my now husband joining the military and when the time came that I would fly out to see him graduate, she said sure! Then afterwards she’s like asking for money??? I ghosted her. That was very uncool and inappropriate.

I had a “friend” abandon me when i told them i didnt feel save enough to drive. They literally left to have a sleepover with another friend and when i asked i could join they just straight up said no and left. I had to sit in my car for a while till i calmed down

True, I see less of my friends posts and more from influencers who I don't even follow!

I've abandoned a lot of my social media accounts for that reason

I haven't posted anything since 2022 on Instagram because I feel like I don't have anything worth posting. I share my pictures and travels directly to my immediate family only

this also blew my mind because it's also what i witnessed

It's so true though!

Playgrounds

I’m disgusted by how much im buying on maternity leave and I think this is part of the reason

@@laurel1865definitely hard to do if you have multiple children like me that are all different ages so you’re having to run a round with them and actively watch them so they don’t get hurt. Especially if you are a sahm and are by yourself every day.

Library Gym Friends house ?

@@dianalove539 definitely not a library that wasn’t kid friendly but most are so that seems okay. Still hard if you have children who can walk and then a baby who can’t which I have 3 so yeah lol. Friends house would probably only be another parents in fear that my children would wreck their house or break something. Little children tend to roam and touch everything. Also definitely don’t take my kids to the gym. I love that they aren’t in preschool so they don’t get sick all the time.

Same, i’ve recently moved. I have never had such difficulty meeting new people.

🎯

I'm 46 and I am that crazy lady that talks to random strangers 😂, just today I offered to take an elderly lady and her groceries home, she thanked me but said that she lived on the next block, hopefully it was true and she wasn't just afraid of me and then as we were leaving my daughter's horse riding school i noticed a teenager from the school waiting at the gate and offered him a ride. People are very wrapped up in a very closed off world, we need to look at strangers in the eye and smile 😁.

yes!! I've been saying social media is a culprit for a while but I used to be laughed at for this, glad to see more and more people are realising this

I’m 32 also and was just talking about this to my younger two brothers 27 and 29! They also remember life before and after social media and cell phones as we know now. I kind of missed those days back then sometimes!!!!!

that's so cool! ☺️

Her videos are literally so well researched, it's fantastic!

that’s so awesome

That's so cool!!!!

totally agree! I feel happy when friends ask me for a favor because I can positively contribute to their lives which in my opinion has intrinsic value.

OMG! So true! We have friends FOR FREE. Just spend time together and help each other.

it makes me feel good and wanted when friends asks me for favors that build our relationship.

so. accurate. the rides to the airport example.. I remember when I reached the age of being old enough for my friend to take time to the airport and to get picked up *from* the airport by a friend. it is honestly really special. here’s to growing up. :)

I wonder how much gas prices and sprawl affect this. I'm 21 and I started driving when gas soared. So all my friends were always pinching pennies for gas money. And in Texas you need a car to get anywhere. It was cool since we always carpooled. Five in one car 5 in another. Listening to music and hitting the drive in.

This is such an interesting thought..It makes me think about how I tend to get overwhelmed with messaging back and forth with ppl and tbh I realized I can only maintain actual close relationships with a handful of people. Sometimes it makes me believe like I'm a bad friend whereas in reality some connections are just more shallow - which is fine!

!!!

meanwhile at my local grocery store they replaced most cash registers with self checkouts🫠

Yes! Same. It's wild. You gotta pay for human contact.

Different state for me but same.

I 100% agree. I was BAFFLED by that HUSTLE BRO saying that, and it was so hard watching those clips? Like FR?!?!? I wish they said spoke. Money is makes this stupid, capitalistic society we are in a little easier, but I could never imagine saying that to someone I cared about.

@@iamnoellemwait the excuse was because of money????

Yeah, I was really taken aback. I keep wondering if it's an age thing. Am I just too old to understand? --I'm an elder millennial.

It surprised me too. I felt honoured when a friend asked me to pick them up at the airport last year. Like theyve just got from/are starting a trip and they wanna see me first thats so nice to me… I printed out a silly sign and got there really early and they got me a coffee as a thank you. I really cherish that memory!

my friend wouldn't drive me to the E.R because he was about to go to bed. Which i understand if you have to be up early for work. But couldn't be me lol

Agreed, I moved out of my parents house and decided to pay extortionate rent just so I could freely date/get laid/not have to answer to anyone. Being in your late twenties and having to tell your mum where you're going/when you're coming back does a number on your confidence. I just wanted to feel like an actual adult. I resent the rent but I've never been happier.

​@@harrietdrums then years fly by and you will not invite anyone because you became cosy at home ^^. Well, maybe not your case but definitely mine :/

Also often times our parents generation bought fully into suburbia when it was affordable so the places we live with then are extremely isolated from people in our peer groups. I live with my family in a community that either their age+ or the children of those folks. There’s nothing really around besides strip malls but the few social things that are around cater to a senior demographics. And like yeah spending time with seniors is nice and valuable, I do like the library, but we HIGHLY need peer groups ://

Oh yeah, I want kids.. but I’m waking up every morning to clean up after his parents and take care of their dog. At night, I need to make sure they eat. It’s as if purgatory and hell had a hallway.. I’m in it. When he talks about moving out, his mother tells him she can’t live alone.. she CAN clean up after herself but chooses not to. It’s like our generation is getting deleted. We don’t get that transition time where we leave to start a family.. and then bring the parents in to care for them..

The question after that is whether they would have the time, gas money, and compatible schedules to come to your events. 😢

So what are we supposed to do? How can we start to get back to easily making friends, creating third place, and normalizing basic communication? This isn’t me being devil’s advocate, I’m genuinely asking if anyone has any proposals 😭

Especially if you're Black! No wonder kids can't wait to "be adults" and go to bars, they're the only place that interesting things are happening. 🙃

@@afrofaerieslibrary hangout?

what I've done is volunteered at the local museum, taken community ed courses, joined a sailing club, (where we literally go out in small sailboats) find something you love to do, (knitting, gaming, bowling, cosplaying, dancing, quilting, joining a community band or chorus, making miniatures) and at least you and these other people will share a common interest or goal. @@afrofaeries

@@afrofaeriesI wonder that too as someone who is a parent

At 20 you're still a child 😂

@@claudiaring8934you missed the whole point. 20 you are young but childhood is long gone.

Same. Im in my 20s and I feel that if conditions were different in the world I might be enjoying adulthood much better but with how things have turned out and are now I associate having a community and friends and free time, and feeling generally happy and ok all with childhood and to a extent teens too. I would do anything to go back so seeing kids wanting to get here do bad is very strange to me.

@missline9204 no I get the point I'm just saying at 20 you are still very much not yet an adult. So at 10 or 12 or 15 yeah you're a baby and parents should let kids be kids and discourage this weird behavior

Hell, when I turned 18 I was wishing to go back because I was scared of adulthood…!

How can you find these kinds of events?

1998 yahoo chat rooms were lit. No trolls, people were friendly, genuinely wanted to talk and just find out about you. It felt more like having an online pen pal.

ICQ, IRC, Message Boards, Chat Rooms; it all feels like a different era, much as the pre-Internet days. It wasn't perfect but it felt more personable.

oh my goodness, this is so true!

I can second that! I was weirded out when someone added me to their ‘close friends group’ knowing damn well we hardly engage in person

It’s literally so sad. I had unfollow half of my class because I was just following people to feel like I was friends with them but forgetting who they were and realizing I was sitting there “keeping up” with people I didn’t even know :/

The sad thing is you feel like you’ll never get to know them otherwise 😅

This!!!! My Bestfriend and I had a fallout because I kept explaining how we don’t talk, I’m just in all her private stories and close friends but WE DONT TALK, she tells me that talking is too draining and I was very understanding about it but I started to feel like she never wants to talk but can post all day on her story. I still hope we can fix things, I even have her birthday gift in my room for 2 months now but she won’t tell me when she’s free because she “forgets to respond” but then tells me “I think about you more than you know” but we can never get out of the phone and just talk things out face to face. (Sorry for dumping on you 😭)

that makes me so mad. i literally dropped the plans I had one day to drive my homie to work

Agree. I think a good friend is worth whatever you were 'meant' to be doing that time, no question. It's interesting to see that there's been a type of people popping up that are only willing to connect when it's convenient for them. I was taught that friendships are like plants, you gotta work for them and be patient. It's not always about you.

Like Mina summarized, it's this cold transactionalism that gig work and stagnant wages has done to us. And that podcast weirdo with the "you're taking $1000s from me" angle reminds me why I avoid speaking to men nowadays, yikes.

Exactly!!! I’m sick, I can’t work at all and I often struggle just to chew three meals worth of food and shower everyday. But I would cry if my friends felt like they couldn’t even ask me 😭 They’re my friends! I can’t push myself all the time and I have to manage my energy but I can push myself occasionally and I would absolutely prioritise something like that 🥺 I get to welcome them, I get to talk with them or sing songs in the car, I get to help them carry their bags. Like why wouldn’t I want to do that if I can?

People who have no real friends are always the ones projecting this narrative the most, and its almost always an American doing it. Then they'll constantly complain about being lonely and then never ask themselves why none of their friendships last

it sucks for sure

Underrated comment!

Amen! In DFW we have a new library (Frisco) that was built to be a third place. It's not a traditional library where you have to be quiet and can't eat. They encourage you to stay for hours. The layout is *chef kiss*! There's a section where kids can play make believe and run around and be ... kids BUT you can barely hear them upstairs where it opens up to their floor. And if you need the absolute quiet they have a section upstairs that damn near sound proof! I swear when I opened the door the silence was sooo loud 😂 And they have a shaded patio that I can't wait to try when it warms up. Only 2 con are that it's so far in the suburbs it's hard to get there on public transit and they need more parking.

​@@MieyaOladipupo That library is crazy! I took my little cousin there bc the video game museum was next-door. It's a really cool spot. I'll also say the Gaylord Texan is another cool third place to just hang out at.

Nice

Nice one

@@cardsmcgee the resort in Grapevine?

That's a really good point! I wasn't even involved in it myself, but I did drive my brother around town so he could focus on finding the pokemon. I remember it as a really nice bonding time between us. Thanks for bringing back those memories :)

@@Vangoghnut You're a good sibling

My bf and I still played up until last summer and finding ppl out and about playing was literally the BEST thing… made new friends it rlly was great

That really was an incredible time. And I think everything felt a little less gloomy because it was pre-Covid. I think whether a lot of of us want to admit that or not, Covid really did put a damper on public gatherings. Even to this point, I have to push down anxiety that I never used to have when I’m in a crowded space. Although that could also be the never ending gun violence in America that’s also making me nervous in crowds. 🤷🏻

@@sailorspice Its my go to for any new country still, firstly because its easy to meet new people and secondly because the pokestops are a built in tour guide if you read what they say. Ive found some incredible things from it even though I play only sparingly

The joy/love of backyard chickens can only be truly understood by other fellow chicken owners 😊 they're definitely special creatures and it's so fun to watch their personalities and social circles (I had 22 at one point).

This makes me happy. They're such marvellous creatures.

So happy while you steal their eggs

@@AreGeeBee i pay them in hugs and food :D

Yes. And unfortunately a lot of ppl these days seem to want to take. It's becoming rare to find ppl who engage in both the give & take required to maintain healthy relations.

It’s such a wonderful way to CONNECT

That person has clearly never had a friend take them to the airport lmao

I wanted to cry too when I saw that... I love welcoming my friends!!!! And I love getting to see them as soon as I possibly can if I’m the one arriving! If I’m just passing through to somewhere else I’ll invite a friend to get coffee with me at the airport during my layover. Or I’ll crash at their place overnight. Even if I have to let myself in and we only see each other while they rush to get ready for work the next day it’s worth it to us!!! Obviously they can do the same. They could turn up at my home unannounced and stay for a month and I’d be super happy! They could even bring a friend or cousin or someone like that who I’d never met before, I trust their judgement

It's honestly really ugly behavior. I don't get it because people aren't really doing much anyways because we are so hooked on our phones and stay indoors all the time

Ive stayed over friends houses so i'd be able to bring them to the airport in the morning. We got breakfast and everything together. It doesn't have to be viewed as an inconvenience, you can use it as a way to hang out for a bit too

It’s an act of love and great way to catch up ❤

Also in Croatia (I'm from Croatia) kids can go pretty much anywhere on foot, they don't need to drive. Also there is less danger (still not danger free, no place is) so parents let kids out more

I’m Croatian and finally visited last year and was amazed at the pace of life and generosity we received. i love how ppl took their time and cooked for each other and insisted on hosting… definitely shifted my perspective living in Canada

argentina too , it's very cool

it's kind of the same in italy, you can get an espresso at a cafe and sit there for an hour and it's considered acceptable. ever since moving to the uk, i feel a bit uneasy about spending time in cafes because i get the feeling that when i finish my drink i'm meant to leave :/

I’m in Australia, same here.

Wow, you put into words something that's been on my mind a lot lately. I've recently started university, away from my hometown, and found it incredibly hard to socialise with my peers, as it seems they are all divided into those little groups of people who already know each other. Lots of them have similar interests to mine, yet because of that invisible "bubble" of their prior connection, it's been almost impossible to join in the conversations, without this feeling of not belonging. I think there is something to the idea that meeting new people is subtly discouraged, like there's this unspoken social rule that if you speak to someone who didn't talk to you first, you're intruding on them. Which means that if no one approaches you first, you're kinda screwed. Anyway, sorry for rambling on, but your comment really resonated on a personal level. Not sure if it helps, but you're definitely not alone in the way you feel. Though, I believe the fact that there *are* likeminded people means there is still hope out there, despite everything

Same, i also feel that way

@@Daydreamer-vb4edI'm also in college (Sophomore) and the way I made friends and acquaintances is by forcing myself to talk to people I did this to one person and she invited me to meet the rest of her friends now I'm in a group with her and her sister with the rest of her friends

I started Uni again this semester as well and I try to be friendly as possible. I’ve had people ask for directions and I try to give them the best I can. I think it depends on where you go to school and esp your major (poly sci students are usually future law students and they’re kind of mean, Business students are also pretty bland. These are just generalizations I’ve noticed, and they’re not 100% true. The earth sciences and natural science kids are kooky and weird in a good way lol)

I feel this so much. im 20 now havent had proper friends since leaving school at 18 ://

if there are two parents in the house, no there aren’t they’re both fully expected to dedicate their entire lives to their jobs. they’re not able to raise their kids and when they see them they’re disgusting humans they don’t want to be around

I’ve been wondering recently how much the decline in going to church and church-adjacent activities has affected people’s abilities to organically find communities to participate in or belong to…. Generationally I think a lot of what the Gen Z’s and younger are feeling in terms of isolation used to be solved not only by third places but also by more formal communities or groups, whether religious or charitable or otherwise, and now that people are moving away from religion/church (for valid reasons) it has the unintended and unfortunate consequence of losing the community aspect of those types of things as well. Some humanist societies have taken to meeting on Sundays or weekends just to maintain that kind of social element which is so important in people’s lives while not keeping the religion, I wonder if doing more things like that could potentially help (obviously it’s not a one and done solution but it could help)

I don’t know if you know of him already, but Dr. K of the channel HealthyGamerGG has touched on this topic a bit & said much of the same. He’s a board-certified psychiatrist & HealthyGamerGG is a company he co-founded to help primarily gamers with mental health, though it’s applicable to the wider technology addicted world . He talks about a host of topics, so check him out! He explains things in a way I find different than many other therapists, it feels more personal. I always feel like he is reading my mind lol.

​​@@citrinedreamingo gosh i was just thinking about this... I left church just about 2 years ago. It was honestly an unhealthy environment where i had no real friends anyway (except maybe 1 or 2, whom i fear i am drifting apart from) . Now, at 40, i just have... youtube and my art? I have been finally starting to branch out and pursue my interests with other people (ex. I started getting involved in community theatre). So far, that has led to, as the video called it, commemorative friendships. It feels so great, like i finally belong... and then it ends. I know it takes time to build deeper relationships, but it gets hard and lonely sometimes, for all the reasons cited in this video. I have concluded that when i left church, i didn't realize that i also left community. And now i struggle to find more suitable replacement.

I've definitely brought this up in therapy and I was pretty sure that most of us are dealing with these things, but it's a small consolation. thanks for confirming though :)

Tell them you want them to call you when they have the time, or ask them if you can call them just to chat! They might be down for it if they know you enjoy it

I feel like this is part of the problem though! This isn’t personal criticism at all, idk your circumstances and I’ve felt the same. But in most cases this shouldn’t be an issue! Generally speaking people’s family and friends should be able to get along? Like sure having time for just friends or just family is nice. And not everyone’s going to be bffs when the groups mix, but they shouldn’t need to be to have a nice time together!! As long as you’re considerate in choosing when you invite people over and your friends know how to be respectful of other people’s space it should overall be fun, or at least healthy, for everyone. And it’s so easy to worry that there isn’t space in a small home but often you can make do. Some of the best social events I’ve been to are ones where I sat on the floor to eat because there weren’t enough chairs

exactly, most things to do you have to spend money.

​@@EmL-kg5gni feel that part of the issue is that they might not be in best relationship with the family to be properly comfortable to bring friends into the home. I am in the same situation rn and while we are able to live together just fine, I do not feel close with my family and so I don't want to "mix" groups. It's kinda sad, but it is what it is :')

Ugh I feel this so much! I don't like hosting friends because my parents hoard everything and our toilet is broken and there's mold everywhere and rats because we're too poor to hire people to fix things and my dad doesn't care to fix things so we live around it, only my super close best friends have come over. I always say when I move out I can host but I'm worried it'll be late when that time eventually comes

Sadly, it's expensive to have friends in most cases. If you don't have money, you have no friends. Because keeping friends is expensive, especially nowadays. Just to get out of my house it would cost an arm to commute in my area, not to mention the places we'll go to and food will eat.

My local Ulta doesn't allow anyone under 18 in without an adult because of all the thefts 🤦‍♀

This kids ain’t even humble😂😅

I'm from EU and those things you mentioned, like walkabilitty, do not constitute third place. Everyone just has heradphones and looking down.

⁠@@jirimakovsky6619I think they’re implying infrastructure change which hopefully creates parks, fields etc on their own of course not

What do you suggest for non-urban spaces?

@@daniellebalouise9596 Urban, suburban or rural, what we all need is parks, libraries, community centers, artists & musician places, literally anything people can gather without spending any moneyor getting harassed by cops/security/Karens etc.

@@theaizere Exactly, we have parks and libraries but getting to them usually requires a car (and we could definitely use more town squares).

That is one of my goals for this year! Just hosted this weekend and it was fun!

Same- but it’s honestly discouraging how many people cancel. I always anticipate that at LEAST half will flake, usually more. I get that sometimes things come up, but more often than not it’s just a “I love cancelling plans” meme situation. :(

But what do you bring to the relationship? Sure, they're interesting and enrich your life with their stories and that's so random and fun hahahahahaha, but what do they get in return? All you're doing is recommending that other people take from older people because they're more likely to give. What are you giving?

@@mydogeatspuke I'm sorry that you've had a bad day or that life hasn't treated you well. I hope there are better times ahead for you.

@@iarlais397 lmao my day has been great, you wacko. It's a genuine question and one you should always be asking yourself with every relationship. You have to know what you're bringing, what you offer, otherwise you're a taker and they are the ones giving, and that isn't fair to them. That you're so defensive and quick to attack a stranger for asking a valid question clearly demonstrates that you know full well you aren't bringing anything and are exactly the kind of person that you're trying to avoid.

@@mydogeatspuke I'm sorry that you're in pain ❤️

@@iarlais397 I'm sorry that you can't stay in reality..? There are medications for that.

Sadly this is an issue here in Canada too

@@randomtinypotatocried and in the UK. I mean, they do have coffee shops and such here but they're overcrowded and expensive. Access to nature or green spots like parks is pretty limited if you don't have a car. Back home I could walk in any direction and find a nice looking park without too much hassle. I was wondering why are British so much more into consumerism but now I understand. They kind of don't have a choice when concrete city centre is their only option.

This makes me wanna visit Taiwan, it sounds/looks so beautiful 🇹🇼🥲

@@kagitsune It's not just Taiwan. It's literally every single country in Europe, from rich to poor, too. I'm imagining most of Asia, too. America is an insane dystopia with how it organizes its spaces.

​​​@@Frenchaboono, probably not, i dont know how every country in europe is like but where i live in europe(france) , the people here are the same as op described her new yorkers classmates , and it gets more like this during winter where its too cold to go outside and actually enjoy anything and spend time. At most, when i was in school , people would brag about going to small football stadiums to talk or eat at a fast food joint. This could just be a western thing where people in the west are encouraged to remain in their private spaces and isolate themselves.

Cars culture in the US. I once read a book by Jamie Cat Callan titled French Women Don't Sleep Alone (originally published in 2009). It has mentioned about American using their cars as the outerwear, rather than wearing actual nice or flattering outerwear when going outside. The cause is because American go outside without the need to walk and expect to meet other people in a serendipity way. The American have given up impressing people as a way to make genuine connection, while the French don't.

My car was in the shop so I walked 7 miles to my Pilates class, the walk was beautiful and made me feel very connected to the outdoors. But I almost got hit my a car at least 6 times and that was with me being very aware of my surroundings. Made me never want to walk to nearby stores again 😬 our cities are not walkable

@@Angy8935 One time this car almost hit me when I was crossing the part where the sidewalk and curb cut meet. Maybe some of it was my fault, I don't usually look both ways when walking those patches, but this one was weird because he wasn't even turning, just coming from across the street. His vantage point of seeing me was way clearer than me noticing him from my peripheral. My guess is that he was on his phone.

@@DistressedDamsel79 I think most cars just aren’t used to seeing walkers or expecting there to be a walker nearby, that mixed in with their normal carelessness can make it extra dangerous to walk sometimes. Glad they did not hit you!

Oh definitely. I love my car rides because of how cinematic it can be, but I miss how walkable my old neighborhood was. I lived in the Philippines for the majority of my childhood, so it was normal for me to walk to my relatives’ house or the store or something, not to mention public transport was the norm and cars were for those of higher income. I deeply miss walking with my mom to the fish market instead of driving to the grocery store and being bored out of my mind cause it’s the same route over and over again, whereas walking provides more interest and promotes more notice to your surroundings.

Get a hobby. There's probably clubs there. You could pick up a new skill

@@jozigirl7114way to completely miss the point of the original comment. Maybe stop barking orders at strangers on the internet, go out, get a hobby yourself.

Grew up rural, and just walking around Walmart was pretty big on the list of hangout spots cause there was just nothing else. Even that's not an option like it used to be anymore cause it closes at 11 now after covid, and everything else closes way earlier.

@@OneBeachKitty who asked you, 😸 do you live in a rural area? I do. Its great. Loads of different things to do. Rambling, knitting, sewing, spinning wool, flower pressing, stargazing... If you think that learning something new is lame - you're a terribly boring and lazy person, and I feel sorry for you.

@@jozigirl7114your hobbies must be missing the point, and telling strangers on the internet nonsense.

That's not an option for everyone. Not everyone is religious and those of us in the LGBTQIA+ community often don't feel comfortable in a religious setting.

@@hannahbrennan2131 she was just giving her opinion

Oh my gosh love this! MEE too just came back from a fellowship afternoon with some of the young people in my church

​​​@@hannahbrennan2131 If there are churches or any religious settings that encourage the lgbtq community then please look for it. There might be some you don't know exist. The pope just legalised gay marriage. It's getting better. There are legit gay pastors out there now. Churches are also free. And this commenter was just talking about their personal experience.

sadly lack of covid safety makes most public spaces including libraries an inaccessible and increasingly dangerous place for people to be, especially those of us suffering from long covid.

@@madeupname3008 update your shots, wear a mask and social distance. The library is safe as long as you make it safe.

rural people too. not even necessarily poor rural, just having very few people around makes you very dependent on the few that are there. Plus, you tend to be related to them or have lived in the same area for generations & 'know' everyone. I tell our new seasonal neighbors that come from cities that our most valuable resource in the country is our RELATIONSHIPS. Please, don't come here & shit them up. In long island you can piss the mechanic off because there are 3 more on the next block. In the country there is ONE & you will have to bump into him in the minimart, church, town hall, etc...you are forced to be nice to people & to do for others because you WILL need their help in the future.

God, same! At some point you just feel that constantly coming up with places to meet/activities and facing zero enthusiasm in return is too much effort. Especially if you're introvert and this doesn't come naturally. I'd think that people just hate me or are avoiding, but no, apparently it's just a new norm for some people - to be friends without ever seeing each other.

I'm tired because i'm always happy with friends, and i'm always feeling bad for how little those friends care about me. It's rough

It is rough, but please dont give up. people are there who have time & respect to give you!! But you are the one who has to be assertive to get to these more reliable, less flaky friends. I find that more assertive & more social people tend to be flaky, so you have to do the reverse & act as the assertive one to ignite an interest from someone else who isn't assertive, someone more like yourself; just so you can catch their interest. if that makes sense. It takes hard work to make a good friend, & it's going to hurt to get there but it's there

Right? It's such a meme to be quirky and be happy about canceling plans on people and that type of practice pisses me the hell off. I *wanted* to see you. I wanted to have a good time with you and you treat canceling that plan like it's a relief?? How damaging is that to your self-esteem?? At that point you're not an introvert, you're antisocial. Can't stand it.

Oh my God this! I'm too young to know if this is a new thing with the way people socialize or its always been that way, but people are SO FLAKEY!! I'm an introvert I'd say, but I feel the prominence of that term in the general public eye has had terrible effects. Like the other commenter said people acting like canceling plans is quirky. Or like not even bothering to give a one sentence text reply is normal cause they have a low "social battery." I've literally had someone stop me from continuing a conversation we were having cause we had only planned a specific activity together and they weren't prepared for us hanging out to go beyond that one topic. These people aren't intraverts, their God damn ANTI-SOCIAL. But because that term is so common people think it's quirky and normal.

I understand what you mean, but I think people meant something that becomes more and more common I noticed. Some people become friends with you and basically treat you like a free therapist. They only come to you to vent, ask for advice, then proceed to not listen to said advice and later blame you for not giving them enough attention meanwhile they don't even bother to be there for YOU. It gets exhausting at some point and it IS toxic.

@@annafirnen4815 that is also true! I feel like it's kind of coming to extremes on both sides here, which is generally not the way.

Yes absolutely! I had some toxic friends for awhile and it seemed like any emotion that wasn’t sunshine or rainbows should be taken to a therapist or I was violating their “boundaries”.

@@michellekaramanian7362YEP. or you just give off “bad energy” for being anything other than fucking happy

Yes! The word is so overused as to lose it true meaning. I heard this on a podcast a few weeks ago: "we consider our isolation as freedom". If you have no real connections, you don't have to give to anyone and you have no responsibility towards anyone. This can feel liberating in the immediate, but in the long term if you help/listen to/ gi to no one, you will have no one to help/listen to/give to you.

This comment really resonated with me. Since I’ve moved and all my friends are spread out, no one is willing to drive and come see me anymore and think texting is just fine and only seeing each other every six months. Bruh we’re in the worst of times.

​​@@aimeewilson4505my friends live 5 minutes away and don't come visit. And I try. Always the initiator. It hurts, but somehow this thread made me feel less alone. I don't use any social media, so I am usually forgotten about completely. Edit to include I hope you found some peace of mind in here too. I realize now my comment looks up-stagey and that was 100% not my intention. Trying to be relatable but failing: another harsh side-effect of this problem

This happens with me and I hate it. I prefer to hang out regularly if possible and to keep in contact through texts and/or social media too. I have some friends I see once or twice a year, and they don’t seem interested in being closer, even if we used to hang out nearly every day.

I’d like being like this or enjoy being a better friend to these people

​@@kerrypoppins5388Don't worry about it. I don't think you failed at all. I also don't feel like you wanted to upstage anybody!

As someone who isn’t interested in dating it really sucks cus romance is so extremely prioritized by everybody. You can’t even try to get close to ppl without smth non-platonic being suggested :/ Everyone is so lonely, but nobody wants to be friends

I'm married and I'm concern I'm slipping into that category especially since moving away from my circle of friends and feeling so alienated in a new country

Hmm, an interesting thought... but then; I always thought “one person isn't enough“. I can't imagine having all my social needs continuously met by only one person... like; how and when did we start to expect from our partners to be our best friend, admirer, lover, caregiver, biggest fan, the parent of our child and best teammate? Thats' just insane to me...

All that pressure eventually takes a toll on the relationship, I believe, since it's very difficult to always be constantly on the same wavelength. Also, it fosters co-dependency, because who else will you hang out with if you only got a significant other? It just seems very unhealthy for a number of reasons.

Definitely feeling this... I wasn't even interested in having a romantic partner, until one by one all my friends basically retreated into their "nuclear couple" shell, leaving me with a choice between being completely alone or getting into a relationship I don't necessarily want. It freaking sucks, like replacing my community with a partner is not what I want, but it's the only choice I was left with...

Borh have pros and cons. Some friendships are toxic enough that it’s way better to be alone

Is it though?

It’s better being alone😅

@@froxetfor some it is, i used to think is is but i worked through my issues around that stuff. in the moment it’s better, in the end it never is.

i can’t say that there’s a very black and white answer to this. humans need community and connection with others, but sacrificing your own needs is also unhealthy. sometimes, you’re surrounded by a certain amount of people, and your options are limited, so you know ur really unhappy very often (with the low quality relationships) but for the very few times you’re happy with them, it feels normal. and it feels nice, and it’s harder to let go of. because something seems better than nothing when the something isn’t full of a bunch of bright red flags.

Well yea, and back to the manners, some people dont know how to behave when invited over.

I agree with this I have 2 sister in laws that just built beautiful homes but they won't even have their kids birthday parties at their house because of what they think people will say about their house .. it's silly and sad

I totally agree with this but I think a bigger factor is the fact that housing is so expensive and most young adults live with multiple roommates. It feels rude to have friends over when your other roommates are home. But when you all live with roommates....

Yes, absolutely, this has happened to me, I can confirm this is true. All of these videos of influencers that make crazy amounts of money and buy amazing apartments at 22 are not most people's reality. And all of us consciously or not have this stupid pressure to make houses aesthetic just so that we feel like we fit in. I only have people over when I'm alone and the house is clean and tidy, I over stress over having aesthetic furniture and other meaningless stuff. But all of this, as stupid as it sounds, is imposed by t social media. It's crazy

@@rikkitabor497 or that others will 'mess' their homes up. I find that sentiment to be more common

Sending you some hearts ❤ ❤️ ❤ Come back and comment here if you ever need more

Honestly this vid made me tear up a bit, you’re not alone lovely! I really hope you find good relations

I know how that is! Sending hearts from Canada ❤❤❤

You're not the only one. Here, have some more hearts ❤❤❤

Me too girl ❤❤

or when they act like youre the weird one for being social 🥲

Omg, I feel this so much 😢

Honestly i've taken to complimenting old ladies if I'm out alone. Usually they're wearing something a little eccentric and so far they're all pleasant to talk to.

I live in a small town and it's quite rural here. My husband travelled the other day to our capital city and he told me that apparently you should not talk or greet others if you walk into a restaurant there.

Maybe they're going through a mental breakdown and just about everyone is scary to them (especially someone who is nice for no reason). Maybe give a compliment without needing a smiley response, they'll still take it on board :D I am someone who loves to give compliments but has extreme trust issues so I won't always respond well to when it's given.

Miscarriages in Gaza have gone up by 300%, c sections with no anesthesia, babies being cut from their dead mother’s wombs. Stand up for Palestine!

Yes! I can't stand areas with no sidewalks. Homeowners get mad if you walk on the edge of the lawn and drivers get mad if you walk on the edge of the road

Yea these themes were honestly so well spoken and thoroughly researched. This video really resonated with me

💯

But I don’t think you should place blame on the influencer, who is making content targeted at a certain demographic, mainly young women. If anything, people should be blaming parents for giving their child unlimited access to social media where they go and consume this content. Kids should not be on apps like TikTok, period. Don’t blame the influencer.

@@kruggyy I don’t blame the influencer for everything happening, but I do think it’s naive for those influencers to act as if they don’t have, well, influence over these girls. And to your point on parents not allowing kids on social media, yes! I agree one hundred percent that parents need to be more involved and aware of what their children are consuming online but at the same time I can’t imagine how difficult that must be now. The inevitable fact is that children ARE going to be on these sites and no amount of restriction is going to stop a determined preteen from getting on these sites- one way or another. And once they’re on there tell me, do you think the algorithm really distinguishes between content targeted towards children and content targeted towards “young women” like the makeup content that started this whole discussion?

DThose videos are for adults. She’s not contributing to the child problem. That’s the parents fault.

​@@Bronte866 everyone is allowed online. I occasionally get shorts from girls who are like 7 years old on my RU-vid feed, so not only are they allowed to be online, but they are also active and likely viewing what is trendy. Maybe the videos are not tailored towards them, but they are going to see them, and likely it will happen the same amount as adults see them

@@ami2474 now, what is the age for signing up for most social media apps, would you tell me? I remember it being 13. Young people should not be chucked on the internet for whole days unsupervised. Just as you wouldn't throw your 6 year old into a center of a city where anyone can interact with them. I don't say don't give them privacy but don't substitute parenting them for giving them a phone...

I see the same behaviors in my 50+ year old mother's consumption too. Every week or two weeks, there's a minimum of some pieces of clothing entering the house. I still haven't touched the clothes bought within 10 years to this day.....I don't appreciate this chase to look "esteemed" or whatever visual clout chasing among her other 40 year old coworkers

Is this public anywhere? I’d love to read it!

@@ellabeiter3632me too 💯

yes! my teenage years´options were basically 1 - the mall 2 - getting drunk at a house party

I think the obsession with aesthetics comes into play here. Online ultra fast fashion stores have made all styles easy to find and buy, so fashion subcultures had to get more specific to have any meaning. And fashion increasingly becomes a shorthand for values and personality, making it all the more important to get the right thing.

“Coming over whenever they like” huh. Nope. Well, you do you, but not everyone would like uninvited guests even if they are friends. You can’t possibly have a picture perfect apartment 24/7, there will always be things hanging on your chair, fur everywhere , even if you clean it every day (that is if you have animals), food for guests not ready.

The only thing is that right now, it is 90% impossible to become financially well off as a young person, unless you come from a well off family. It's such an insanely uphill battle. Working your life away for bare minimum money, you're left with no energy to socialize or go out. It's a cycle. We need jobs to pay actual liveable wages, and also the work week needs to be reduced from 50 hours on average to 35, as other countries have done. Capitalism has ruined the individual's existence in America, and other countries as well. We aren't afforded humanity. I moved out when I was 18, and now I'm 26 back living at home because the economy is so fucked.

@@jackapps2126 What's wrong with an apartment that isn't picture perfect, why are things hanging on your chair bad?? Are you seriously trying to claim that having a regular looking apartment instead of some architectural digest open door-esque apartment means that you can never have guests over? You either need better friends or need to stop caring about appearances so much.

I don't usually comment in RU-vid, but I wanted to say that having friends close and visit has been the best thing in my life. I have been married for over 6 years and about to have my fourth kid, and the biggest support, besides my wonderful husband, is a friend I live near. And our friendship works because we hangout basically every week, at the drop of a hat no matter the state of our respective homes. We don't judge each other, we help with each other's kids, joys, and struggles. People are always more important stuff. I think you, @aniakw9, have a great vision for the start of your life! Friends make life worth living, and living well!

i'm 17 and i've isolated myself my whole life, and adulthood doesn't look promising. it's also how when you turn 18 or when you're 17 you're expected to be a whole person and be an adult, but i still feel like a kid

YES! I live in Cincinnati and suddenly all of my friends are a minimum drive of 20 minutes away :'(

But that is also what third places are meant for, meeting people close by. It is important to create community where we live, even if these people won't become you best, most intimate friends. One of the problem in my opinion, is the sole focus on those very intimate friendships and putting on them the burden of fullfilling every social need we have. But sometimes we just need to chat 10 minutes to someone in line at the bakery or watch a sport match in a bar and bond with that guy that lives two blocks away. And that doesn't mean they now have to come to your house twice a month, but they are satisfying social interactions

@@mykki.d but is 20 minutes really that much of a burden???? city people. Where I live, out in the country, EVERYTHING is a 20 minute drive. You want groceries? 30-40 min. You want to eat out? 15-20 minutes. friends? 30+ minutes. Dr.s offices???? try 45- 60 minutes. For people who find a 20 minute drive an obstacle....you would starve to death in the country or at the very least die of something before you would be willing to trek to the drs. or hospital.😅

I agree with you and that is why I wouldn't live in the country either lol!@@pattyhansen7563

​@@pattyhansen7563im in the city and a 20 minute ride on public transportation is nothing. im used to hour long commutes to visit friends, go to work, appointments. etc.. if i have the time, ill make it! plus, i get to read books during the commute because im not driving myself. but some people really dont like public transportation so they let that stop them from going out and having fun.

That may have started, getting kids into summer camps, etc...around the 90s..

Freedom of association is a good thing though.

I find people will choose their friends based on their aspirations to climb the social ladder. Back around 2000, I was an adult, and was informed by 2 of my friends (they were unaware of each other. Different circle) that they were busy trying to build their careers so they were dumping any friends that would not further their social standing. In both cases, I was dumped. Ironically, 2 years later one was diagnosed with cancer and died within months. I wonder if she regretted her priorities?

I agree with this a lot, also, all human interaction is transaction these days. I almost thought "this person (@alexagolda8041) could be a cool friend" but then I saw that you sub to pewdiepie and I have been shown content regarding their bigoted nature that totally turned me off. This non-space sure is terrible... 😢 And Mina doesn't have an answer for a solution!?!? noooo! i must conssummme more content and wait for the truth to be revealed!!!!

We don't. There's too many of those who think this way. The rest of us will be extinct basically