Tom Segura - Living Past 70 Would Be Terrible

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#TomSegura on strip clubs in Toronto, skipping grades in school, and why living past 70 years old.
#TomSeguraStandUp from the #JustForLaughs Festival in 2015.
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Опубликовано:

21 мар 2021

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Комментарии : 863

@krii4870 2 года назад

“Let’s be honest, you ever just be tired of being alive” felt like he asked me personally and directly

@swallowme535 2 года назад

Talk to somebody

@mevolveme 2 года назад

Love this comment hhaha

@emuccino 2 года назад

you're so unique and special

@kirkquintero3893 2 года назад

DNT lie eric

@PulloffPrime 2 года назад

ditto

@nikhartsfield2585 3 года назад

"He can add like a son of a bitch. Four, eight, twelve... he gets it." He nails the tone on those lines.

@MrDavidknigge 3 года назад

I'm 71. That pretty much sums it up.

@Powell 3 года назад

To add sugar to the pot, look up his basketball dunk injury haha.

@ferise1 3 года назад

I used to tell my parents ld leave home at that age

@volcryndarkstar3283 3 года назад

As George Carlin would say, "I'm 71, which means I'm 69 with two fingers up my ass."

@catsandcarsringtailgang6188 3 года назад

Oh God David! I'm 70, be 71 next month! Dana please tell me whut it's like? And Don what do I have to look forward too? Hey, and Bob, and do you kno jim Biden the Presidink ? Heard he's an asswhorele !

@thetooginator153 2 года назад

David Knigge - I’m 60, and I remember everyone being excited about increasing life expectancy when I was a kid. “When you kids grow up, most people will live past a hundred! Isn’t that great?” I wish I said “Yeah, but will they do so willingly?”

@debiesubaugher 2 года назад

My dad has a great sense of humor about being old. He'll look up into the sky, shake his fist and scream "you can't keep me here forever!

@David-yw4qd 2 года назад

lol epic dad

@meumnomen 2 года назад

Watching an old man shake his fist at clouds is one of lifes greatest pleasures

@egonkl3in212 2 года назад

LOL🤣

@stlsennin 2 года назад

Brooooo 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@ginger_nosoul 2 года назад

My dad is kinda the same except he cant raise his fist.... with all that dirt on top of him 😜🤣👍

@MrFrauser 3 года назад

The one and only time I went to Beef, some woman stripped to 3 Rage Against the Machine songs back to back to back. It was magical.

@chazblank2717 3 года назад

Someone else put together a compilation of his bit about “Bikes!” with original footage from that show, so you get to see the kid with the bowl-cut getting verbally abused... ahhhh lot...

@ablabuda4662 3 года назад

@@chazblank2717 WHERE? i wanna see it pls drop the link or what i can search up to see it

@CuteQube 3 года назад

@@ablabuda4662 just search Tom Segura scared straight, it got a black guy verbally abusing a kid in the thumbnail

@nintendoROX121 3 года назад

There's a midget that works there!

@Therealdrewdober 3 года назад

What 3 songs

@leegibson5469 3 года назад

I worked at a nursing home in my youth. When I walked into the room I would ask the men I was taking care of "What can I do for you today." They would always answer "You can get me a coffin."

@Hygelac1000 3 года назад

Sad. The ideal is to keep your faculties long enough to not be a burden and pass away at home.

@moparmuscle4036 3 года назад

Probably more cause their useless kids couldn’t take care of em and dropped em at a nursing home? Lol

@robertloerwald3 3 года назад

@mopar muscle Shoulda raised better kids

@leegibson5469 3 года назад

@@robertloerwald3 Maybe but this guy owned a hotel chain and didnt want for anything other than death it would seem. He had a private room and a private RN. Cost him about 20k a month 20 years ago. Well, come to think of it. I do not know if he had any family. None ever visited him. I was there for about a year.

@subarusumeragikun 3 года назад

@@leegibson5469 That was really depressing but interesting. Thank you.

@bugoobiga 2 года назад

BEEF is an aggressive name even for a steak house

@Kwaj 2 года назад

*Guy #1:* I could go for a nice New York strip. Know any places where I can grab a steak? *Guy #2:* Lemme see; there's Grey Slate Bar & Grille, Stax of Flapjax, Chateau de Vineyard... and Beef. *Guy #1:* (slightly taken aback)"Beef"? That's the name of the place? I'm kinda' curious to see how it--- *Guy #2:* No. Just... no. I'm sorry I brought it up. But for real, NO.

@gabe2349 2 года назад

My mom was a hair stylist at a nursing home for a few years. She had a client named Gladis. Every time she came in, my mom would ask “how are you today Gladis?” And without fail, Gladis would say “I’m 96 and I want to die”

@seanpatterson5948 2 года назад

Jesus.....(upvote)

@trafficcone2633 2 года назад

@@seanpatterson5948 redditor moment

@frankcarrasquillo6394 2 года назад

Gladys

@gabe2349 2 года назад

@@frankcarrasquillo6394 are you correcting my spelling for the name of someone you don’t know and never met?

@frankcarrasquillo6394 2 года назад

@@gabe2349 👍

@armingholami28 2 года назад

"I'm coming round the corner, look down" that killed me hahah

@scottwickwire-brock4736 3 года назад

You can tell this is an old clip because he still looks like Bert.

@newengland707 3 года назад

Bert is definitely a Beef girl

@dlee6985 3 года назад

Bert 100% would love the beef.

@MurphDawgProductions 2 года назад

I have to appreciate that he changed it from "third grade" to "grade three" for the Canadian audience. Thats attention to detail.

@meesalikeu 2 года назад

yeah all the states have their own quirks

@winterwarden Год назад

@@meesalikeu like the state of canada, or the vatican

@alecwoodruffmusic 3 года назад

He's not wrong, my girlfriend's grandfather actually just passed away due to his spine snapping from taking out the trash. Kinda eerie that Tom mentioned this exact cause of death here in this bit.

@thedredgod 3 года назад

come on now. grand kids clearly broke that spine then glued it back so trash could take the fall

@alecwoodruffmusic 3 года назад

@@thedredgod shhhhhhh don't blow her cover bro

@chaz4110 3 года назад

Tom knows.

@dc3174 3 года назад

Well this is the darkest RU-vid comment I’ve ever read

@alecwoodruffmusic 3 года назад

@@dc3174 You sweet innocent child. There are many darker comments out there lol. It is sad though in all seriousness -- he was a kind man and his death was very preventable. In fact, his neighbor had actually told him he would take out his trash after work, but the old fella tried to do it himself before the neighbor came and he fell on the concrete in doing so. I'm happy I got to meet him before he died. Just super weird to hear this precise cause of death mentioned in Tommy's bit here! This happened about 6 months ago.

@Your_President_Kanye_East 2 года назад

I don't understand how the crowd isn't laughing their heads off. I'm dying! What a great bit! Tom is in my Top 3 favorite active stand-up comedians.

@AndrewMacLaine 2 года назад

Every clip from this venue sounds like the audience hates the comedian. I really think it's because the audio feed is only from the one handheld mic, so it only picks up the laughs from the front couple of rows.

@donishanwar6385 2 года назад

Who r the other two

@heatcheck3 2 года назад

Canadians

@JamesOKeefe-US 2 года назад

Same!!

@farmag Год назад

idunno man, I guess he's not that bad but I often feel he's like Louis C.K. on decaf.

@brandondill4234 2 года назад

This crowd was dead. He's amazing!

@eyeseer1 2 года назад

The audience is Canadian, let them be boring.

@studlymcstudburger Год назад

That woman in the front row can butter my croissant anytime.

@colesmith7754 Год назад

I think the crowd isn't very big

@Everettel 2 года назад

I'm 71 Tom but enjoying life, your comedy is the best!

@cellagp321 2 года назад

"I'm coming around the corner look down".😭 I laugh out loud and hard and that rarely happens, even with good comedians.

@bigperm7712 3 года назад

Its called the beef baron.. was formerly a steakhouse.. name was never changed.. and yes. It is grimey AF!! Lol love it

@flagsabbath6483 2 года назад

Didn’t the hells angels run that club?

@sabrinabordelon502 2 года назад

Omg! The old man! “I don’t wanna be here anymore “ I busted out laughing and my husband almost wrecked!🤣

@theStepFamm 3 года назад

jokes about breaking his spine, then breaks his arm horrendously trying to play basketball in his 40s

@fuzzyflick9905 3 года назад

Ha ha 😂😂😆😆😋😂😅😂🤣😭😭😭 with the name of the place I was going u I too to it up

@Michael-zf4pi 3 года назад

That's like saying, Joked about getting pulled over. Gets pulled over. Ain't that uncommon lol

@mostlypeaceful1817 3 года назад

That shit was hilarious. I’ve watched Tom laugh as people suffer terrible injuries on his podcast so I thoroughly enjoyed laughing my ass off as he went “ehhh ehhhh ehhh” on the ground 😂😂😂

@sjtv6565 3 года назад

I believe he also has a joke about skateboarding at 40+

@whocares8735 3 года назад

Fake.

@jonathanharvey5478 2 года назад

I love that he asks if we ever tire of living. Nobody ask that question, but we all have that feeling sometimes. Love me some Tom Sugura!

@guillaumejoop6437 2 года назад

"Are you ever tired of being alive ?" That one girl in the audience : WOOO ! Death is awesome !

@masterxyr 2 года назад

got a good laugh from this. well played

@kennielsen3896 3 года назад

Very funny. I’m 58 and have an 86 year old friend. So outgoing and funny. We meet at least once a week at a bar with friends and he’s socializing with everyone! Plus they rarely put charges on bill for him. There are fun and cool old people out there!

@alzychoze6591 3 года назад

Right. Me too- many friends in their 80’s ....My guess is Funny Tommy’s opinion will shift as he approaches 70.

@WinkLinkletter 3 года назад

@@alzychoze6591 "Getting old is a fascinating thing...the older you get, the older you want to get."-Keith Richards

@Mrh3rpd3rps 3 года назад

It's called comedy, calm down. Don't take him so seriously.

@kennielsen3896 3 года назад

@@Mrh3rpd3rps he is funny!

@michaeltoon1235 2 года назад

We get it U found a diamond in the rough

@Mikemikemike13579 3 года назад

This version of Tom looks like a drunk Orson Welles selling champagne.

@tommysalami5268 2 года назад

Nice reference

@crimsondynamo615 2 года назад

*AAAAAAAAAAAH* the French!

@eyeseer1 2 года назад

Segura looks like Jack Black with a high IQ.

@Wallaceshead 2 года назад

The finest frenshhhhampain

@rovingmauler7410 2 года назад

“I’m not suicidal, I just eat like it.”

@nolan5400 3 года назад

Tom is one of the greatest comedians.

@lucyscottwalker2203 Год назад

My husband and I are old. He was smiling and I was LMAO, tears streaming. You nailed it, bud.

@dp7933 2 года назад

My parents were born on the same day. They're in their mid 80s now. My mom just suddenly fell apart around 20 years ago she looks terrible and has all sorts of medical issues. My dad still looks like a young god. It's amazing. Getting old is different for different people.

@Raxxer1993Q8 Год назад

a young god, out of all the terms 🤣

@Anne--Marie Год назад

May your parents keep a sense of humor

@shadowpriest2574 Год назад

Man generally age more gracefully.

@Anne--Marie Год назад

@@shadowpriest2574 That is not true.

@helloidharbl6753 Год назад

The dice roll of genetics can be a friend or foe.

@gravellane150 3 года назад

Tom should visit the Parthenon in Nashville.

@ENikolaev 3 года назад

Or Knoxville, Tennessee 🤣🤣 I think that’s worse than the Paris one

@Hygelac1000 3 года назад

The Parthenon in Nashville is cool, though. The tall, ghetto residential building next to it isn't.

@EthanDCash 3 года назад

Or Memphis Tennessee

@mattw337 3 года назад

Paris, Texas

@mattw337 2 года назад

@Atlantis Rising Great Town. Lived here my whole life.

@normal_person2 2 года назад

My great-grandma (who's like 80-something) carried two of my heavy ass suitcases up her ice-covered stairs in negative Canadian weather in like 2.5 seconds and then told me to hurry up cuz it was cold outside. And I wasn't being lazy, she's just fast lmao😂

@trevorveillette8415 2 года назад

I guess when you're that old, you can just risk death like a motherfucker when you're tired of living.

@JoE-kx7dw 3 года назад

I'm from and live in London Ontario. Love hearing Tom talk about us...good or bad

@Robert-xp4ii Год назад

I've literally not said this in a solid 20-25 years but I could hang out with this guy. We'd be right there.

@shadowprince4482 3 года назад

Wanna go to Beef? Nah let's go check out Fart. That part had me dyin!😆

@j.hetfield9422 2 года назад

70? I am almost half through my 30s, and Ive had enough. Im tired of being alive.

@bebechacarra7062 2 года назад

sameee...

@blu3j00Ls 2 года назад

Agreed. Not worth living.

@catsandcarsringtailgang6188 2 года назад

Hmmm? OH !! Sell off your body parts! A kidney here, an eye there, maybe a lung.... You'd have 💰 to do FUN stuff and enjoy life again! Just sayin.

@j.s.thomasesquire2388 2 года назад

I heard there's a strip club in Ontario that might bring the wonder back to your life.

@robertjohn9684 2 года назад

I'm 34 I've almost give up on life I don't even masturbate anymore I have a girlfriend I proposed to years ago can't be bothered to marry her anymore most she gets is a morning quickly

@TheUltimateFridge 3 года назад

My Grandma always says, she is like one of the old dudes from the bible. That she is full of life now, satiated. She ate every curse life has to offer and now she just gets to wait in peace - and please don't call me for mothers day.

@BigMoney23223 2 года назад

I don’t know where my life would be if I didn’t know about this national treasure of a human. God I love him

@elduderino7767 2 года назад

are you a sociopath? to get the best value and relate you kind of need to be

@jamessouza7065 Год назад

Ok let's not get carried away alright ? Exaggerate much? maybe a little?

@kingofhallows1024 2 года назад

"I'm coming around the corner look down" ☠💀☠💀☠😭🤣😂

@robbiejames1239 2 года назад

“I’m comin around the corner look down” lmao 😂

@danmagoo 2 года назад

I've been to Paris, Tennessee, and never knew that their "Eiffel tower" existed until just now. Apparently it was built for a fair in the early 1990s. but it's hardly a local point of pride, from what I saw (as a visitor). What they do love there, is the giant fiberglass catfish on top of the "Welcome to Paris, Tennessee" sign!

@catsandcarsringtailgang6188 2 года назад

Awonder how many ppl poked their eye out on the pointy whiskers?

@shinsch 2 года назад

LOL .. there is a Paris TX too and they also have an eiffel tower

@seanvolk4202 3 года назад

Let’s wrap this shit up...word

@Rick_Sanchez_C137_ 2 года назад

After 30 years in the military…. Living past fifty is a real ball buster…. Too much partying, too much breaking down my own body.

@bearsmith3655 2 года назад

Very true brother….. very true

@keepitstoich2205 2 года назад

"I'm coming around the corner. Look down." hahahahahhaha

@qwadratix 2 года назад

Just to set the record straight. I'm 75 and every day is like the first day of the school holidays.

@streetjustices1706 2 года назад

I can listen to this guy for hours

@raydavison4288 3 года назад

Living does get tiresome. Just wait another 20 years & the years will weigh on you like a ton of bricks.

@lemongavine 3 года назад

I’m so old, I don’t buy green bananas anymore

@FirstLast-vj2sr 2 года назад

🤣

@masterxyr 2 года назад

I don't even have a fridge no more

@arcobow97 Год назад

“Alright, let’s check out fart” I laughed so hard I cried😂

@beth-annrock237 2 года назад

I LOVE TOM SEGURA! He is hysterical 😭

@eeyoreofborg 2 года назад

This set is my spirit animal.

@iamNotHereB 3 года назад

It's The Beef Baron if I remember correctly

@andrewpandrew7786 3 года назад

Bro do you live in Bethlehem?????

@iamNotHereB 3 года назад

@@andrewpandrew7786 that's racist

@dlee6985 3 года назад

You are correct.

@keithkeefer9954 2 года назад

Preach Tom Preach! This was spot on 💯% accurate!

@silentscribes 3 года назад

This is so good!

@charleskaplan3567 Год назад

He has a gift for making light of grim and gritty facts of life. It is not surprising he is so popular right now.

@darlalong1957 2 года назад

I'm 75!..and still say.."like" in a sentence!!..😂

@laurentiutrifan8173 3 года назад

Tom, you're - definitely - the best !

@noomade 3 года назад

not the best.... number 3 :)

@vladimirvaynkhadler8726 3 года назад

lets wrap this shit up for real

@tiffanykarussos8411 Год назад

I'm with you 💯!

@danferrantino8165 3 года назад

Woo woo. This guy keeps me high and tight. Def some serial killer vibes though

@thegodofpez 2 года назад

Love old school Tom.

@albear972 3 года назад

Tom Segura is so awesome! 🤣😂🤣😂🤣

@nicknaranjo768 2 года назад

Definitely awesome 🤣😂😅🌍🌄👽🌅🙏😇🎼🎨🌕🚇🌊🛸🎸🌐📬💯🔉📡🍷🕶️🏁🇨🇭🔝🥁🦿📫🦾🎶🎵🖌️🛹🇺🇸

@fadethechannel 3 года назад

Tom Segura is FCKN HILARIOUS 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@gjhoward 2 года назад

2020 must have been paradise for Tom. 🤣

@dougmartin7129 2 года назад

I thought 2020 was the best. Peace and quiet. No invitations no interruptions. Oh the good old days.

@ryanc9728 3 года назад

I’m comin around the corner look down 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@RIXRADvidz 3 года назад

I'm going to use that

@georgejones8727 6 месяцев назад

Genius at work

@XLegendaryXGamerDadX 2 года назад

this guy gets me..

@ElitaAli1 3 года назад

"Your spine will snap!" 😂

@basedjj93 3 месяца назад

“Smite me!! Oh mighty smiter!!!” 😂😂😂

@rachelbonnar Год назад

I LOVE THIS GUY!

@bilbobaggins3333 2 года назад

Man, this guy is reading my mind. He’s hilarious!

@elduderino7767 2 года назад

are you a sociopath?

@danielwhitehead6576 Год назад

GOOOOLD.

@dylanwashington6315 2 года назад

Thank you for the laugh sir

@stephanlazarz1921 Год назад

Brilliant.

@Duinurmom247 2 года назад

I’ve got great Norwegian genetics my great grandfather is in is mid to late 90s and recently beat cancer he is still in great shape.

@ronlee6590 2 года назад

Fantastic! Accidents happen.

@joet81 2 года назад

Lmfao I drive by the beef every day!!! The pride of London Ontario!!

@jayj6145 2 года назад

So in Alaska we have a strip club in town called "The Great Alaskan Bush Company" Seems about on the same level of reasonable name.

@michaelvanhorn3271 2 года назад

I totally agree, I keep hoping that I am on the 65yo and done plan... and I can see the check out line from here!

@Superknullisch 2 года назад

HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I cant breath.. Man this just had me on the floor in about 10 sec.. and kept me there for at least 10 min! Yes, way past the end of the video!

@basedjj93 3 месяца назад

Aye Tom funny af man😂😂😂 sometimes

@shaunaleessnackidies 2 года назад

Yes! It’s exhausting just being me some days.

@anderslundtoft2315 Год назад

I find this clip enormously hard to work out to! Hahaha

@vmwindustries 3 года назад

Tom is hilarious!

@killumination87 3 года назад

Se-GU-Raaaaahhhhh

@thestuffoflegenddanielloer7883 3 года назад

Show grandpa VIDEO GAMES. Once he learns how to work the "computer" He'll be young again in a second life.

@RIXRADvidz 3 года назад

nope, didn't work. 2 grandsons tried and neither could. I"m a Pinball Wizard, got the crazy flipper fingers not button thumbs. I'm Olde.

@kennielsen3896 3 года назад

Sadly I agree. My 86 year old friend thinks Facebook suggested friends are requesting him to follow them. He often accepts as he doesn’t want to offend, then complains about it. We show him weekly how to navigate, but after a hundred times explaining I’ve given up

@bobedwards7455 3 года назад

More likely he’d end up swallowing a gun - Video Games?!?! GTFOH

@miguelmiranda8865 3 года назад

@@RIXRADvidz There is flipper buttons with modded controllers haha. Pinball is sweet though..

@DjangoBruh 3 года назад

Bought my old man an Xbox with Madden and MLB and he plays it all the time

@enzudesign 2 года назад

Not gonna lie when he asked if your tired of being alive.. I was like yup lol

@Hollowsmith 2 года назад

"What goes on there?" "Pretty intense shit, actually." LOL

@milnerization Год назад

‘He can add like a son of a bitch’ killed me 😂

@warren52nz 3 года назад

I skipped in Ottawa in 1962. I did grade 3 and 4 in one year. They were just trialling it.

@milkteanomnom 2 года назад

Yes to all of it

@TruthAndLight4995 2 года назад

I’m coming around the corner. Look down!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@mrodg88 Год назад

Meanwhile a 94 year old woman that sat in front of my mother in church delivered meals on wheels for old people who couldn't get around. 94 freakin years old. She was somewhat of a grumpy old bitty but I tossed the humor at her all the time and made her laugh. She loved me. Told mom when mom was away on vacation that we had a party at her house and Mary was dancing on the kitchen table. She about died. Then she brought dancing on the table laughing every time I saw her after that and told all her bitty friends that story too.

@rickyiglesias5384 Год назад

man I SO identify with the last two minutes of this video haha

@johnburgett5040 Год назад

You ought to try London, Kentucky

@RealButcher Год назад

"Bonn..Yourrr" ... hahahahhahaa...

@johnkelley2999 Год назад

It’s the “What’s up dog” for me

@kuzzbillington6392 Год назад

"can I get me a crass-aunt?" LOL

@zachcovey4087 2 года назад

Let's wrap this shit up 😆 🤣

@STAMPER-DESIGN 3 года назад

Tommy Buns keeping it high and tight with this set.

@jarodstevens2710 2 года назад

I think it's awesome that is old person is also his Steven Seagal LOL Tom's is a Legend

@stylisticsguy3746 2 года назад

Ironically I told my family that once I hopefully hit 60 I pretty much give up on life and won’t matter what day I die from then on. I know the harsh truth is that no one wants to take care of old people so if I do get to old age I wouldn’t want to be a burden so I’d look for ways that can possibly just end me since I’ll be a fragile person. Don’t want someone not related to me to not willingly change my diapers if my mental composition is still working for that to happen.

@lucyscottwalker2203 Год назад

These days old is 90s. You'll see. Sixty is great.