What a Body Dysmorphia episode looks like (trigger warning) 

This was a really hard video for me to watch back, as I’m genuinely in agony throughout every moment of it. Lately I have been in a very deep depression over how my face has been changing. I feel as if I’ve aged 10 years in the last couple months! Truthfully, I go through an episode like this at least 1-5 times a week. All I ask is for people to try and understand that BDD is a mental disorder, and that it is NOT purely vanity. I uploaded my episode to showcase my personal obsessive habits-this does not represent everyone who has body dysmorphia. For anyone who understands the struggle, I empathize. I wish we could all be cured of this unnecessary pain and trauma.

The constant face checking is brutal. I've examined all angles of my face multiple times a day for months.

You definitely have informed me on body dysmorphic disorder. Insisting on telling someone with BDD they are beautiful is like telling an insomniac to just sleep. Thank you for opening my eyes. You have my support and admiration.

I really feel you. I have been in the same position before, looking at the mirror and crying my heart out while scanning every inch of my face and body. I can't offer anyone solutions not even myself and I can't say that it's going to end , but all I can say is just stay strong. You deserve to be happy, loved, and appreciated. Never place your value in how you look, your worth has nothing to do with your physical attractiveness (which is something that I'm still struggling to comprehend) . I'm a big fan btw, I love you so much and I admire your bravery. 💗💗💞💞

Crying almost every day is my activity, it is very difficult to get motivated to do something, new or what we are used to. It's all useless if I'm ugly, it hurts so much to be in a body you don't even want to be in.

I can't imagine how hard you are trying to controll your mind girl , I sent you all my respect and hugs take care !

Damn... It's like watching myself in another reality. We even kinda look similar.

This happens to me multiple times every week. I've been bullied and made fun of during high school and that's made me develop body Dysmorphia at age 17. I just look at myself in the camera, mess up my hair, make ugly faces and curse myself for being ugly and unattractive and cry. I'm so tired of my crushes friendzoning me even tho I am as nice as I can be to them. None tell me I'm ugly and all of them are like "appearance isn't important." but I can feel that's the reason they're abandoning me. No one tells me I'm ugly. I just want a single boy to tell me I'm ugly and be honest with me. Why didn't I get a chance at being attractive and cute like other boys...

This is exactly me , going into every lighting praying it's just that which makes me look weird. Crying then stopping and looking hoping it was just a bad angle. Girlie , you have a beautiful face , a natural beauty you have beautiful full lips , perfect jawline , you are truly pretty . I know that won't help but I want to state it anyway as it is what I really think . I am struggling myself bad also sending love x

I’m so sorry to see you suffering so much from BDD. As a fellow sufferer I can completely relate to how you’re feeling here. I also have a couple breakdowns a week where I start obsessing over my appearance and just uncontrollably start to cry and can’t stop. You are so strong for being so vulnerable by showing this side of you with us ❤️

I’m so sorry you go through this pain too but it’s so comforting knowing I’m not alone in having moments like these. I always feel so insane just standing there watching myself cry but this makes me feel more normal.

Relatable but i take side profile pics and cry

I just want to give you a hug 😭❤

as a guy who have bdd... this hits home so hard.. Its exactly how im reacting to myself

Hi! I've just found your channel and I want to thank you for being so brave and so open. No one understands what it's like to deal with BDD and the emotional (and physical) pain behind BDD itself. Seeing this video of yours is like seeing exactly the way I feel and see myself - and I do know how hard it is. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you and I hope you're feeling somewhat better by now. One day at a time, sweetheart. One day at a time...

this is fucked man,i know shes going through shit and i cant fully understand but this girls not ugly at all to me,i know this is youtube and stuff and i cant but damn i wanna hug this girl

"Some are born to sweet delight, some are born to the endless night..."

I hope you overcome this battle!😢 In my opinion you are far from ugly. It’s not you’re fault, blame your parents for not validating you enough and supporting your physical needs. I’m far from perfect but I give myself positive affirmations to know that I am no where near my higher/best self and that it’s a journey to become that girl. (The more people hate on you the more greatness/potential they see in you)😊❤️ 🙏

Holy shit, this video is so relatable. I mean it sincerely when i say you have beautiful skin, and lips. I would die for, but I feel this video with every fiber of my being, so I know it won’t mean much. Thanks for posting it. My therapist doesn’t even understand this.

I've been doing the same multiple times a day for months by taking pictures and videos from the back camera flipping them, till my phone couldn't take it anymore.. i wish you the best and hope you're better now even if you can't snap out of it easily i believe one day things will get better 💞

I'm so sorry girl it's very painful i know as I've been there.. I wish i could give you a Hug and remind you you deserve love and support regardless of how you perceive yourself but even if you can't see it you're Gorgeous and i really mean it.. You're ❤

I'm happy you've found people who genuinely understand you should i just leave you all alone... I care about you and I really wanna give you a hug but I'm sure if anything of that helps

This probably won't fix much but I'll say it anyway" I hope you end up feeling better and I hope even if you don't feel beautiful, that you are a literal drop dead gorgeous phynex on the inside and out. I wish many hugs to come upon you and gillions of supportive friends through your tough and exhausting and hard life. I know I don't have or understand body dismorphia but I have struggled with anxiety and depression over the years as well as hating myself but i hope it helps to know that your kind of not alone in a way and that people are here to care for you 🤗many hugs." At least in my eyes

Hang in there. 😢 I really hope you get better.

I am so truly sorry that you are in such torture about how you feel about yourself. I wish you can see what I see, for it’s the opposite of what you see. I understand that you can’t because I have issues with my looks which cause me to have horrible feelings. I also have braces to try to fix major imperfections, which unfortunately the doctor told me cannot be fully corrected. It is pure agony at times. The internet makes it worse. Even knowing many use filters and had plastic surgery, it still can drive you nuts. My advice would be to try to do something everyday that makes you smile and feel good. This will build inner strength to help combat the times you feel terrible. 💜

Literally me everyday it’s so draining, im 17 tried to talk my mom when I was 15 abt it I asked to get tested bc I want help ik i shouldn’t self diagnose but it’s definitely bdd, I check the mirror every where I go in diagnosed with social anxiety but that’s not what I have as a child until I turned probably 14 I became quiet and isolated before that I was so talkative and outgoing it developed in middle school when I was bullied and teased even physically and experienced verbally ubusive Long term relationships and I think that has a big part of what did it I have to check myself every where it’s the reason I had to drop out at 9th grade i rarely went to class properly at least 3 times out of the week I’d stay in the bathroom the entire day and hide and constantly stare myself down in the mirror crying whipped panick attack trying to convince myself I look fine I can go to class but every day it’s like it gets sm worse now I can’t even leave my house unless it’s at night, haven’t go my permet even yet bc I’d have to take a picture evey morning I have to cover myself in makeup and then I’m ok for a split maybe 10 minutes and then I check myself again and have a episode and it just continues like when I tried to go to the beach the other day with my mom and brother we couldn’t stay but 30 minutes bc of me and it’s gets blamed on anxiety that’s part or it but it’s bdd and it’s killing me it’s mainly my facial like 85 percent the rest is my body lost 80 pounds after it got really bad I’m now under 100, I prefer to be alone I can’t function right anymore around anyone can’t even stand my mom seeing me half of the time I think it might be like that for the rest of my life at this point I want help so bad who knows what could happen when I lose my mom I’m scared I’ll be in the stoi do not want that I wanna go to school I want my diploma I want a job I want a car and my license but it’s so so fucking hard for me and I don’t get any support or help, it’s always ik how u feel or it’s hormones or it’s anxiety like stfu your just making it worse

Thank you for sharing this ❤️ I am currently going through one rn

this is how i felt yesterday. i cried for 12 hours straight and just wanted to die. i’m sorry you know how it feels 😔

Dealing with this RIGHT now, but I’m gonna tell you something which may not do much but it’s worth the say, you are genuinely so insanely pretty- like I fucking hate liars and wont lie about this. Every angle you just showed you looked insanely pretty and I hate your dealing with this so much cause god your like??? Lovely I cant explain but god :,)) your gorgeous

You’re one of the strongest women I’ve seen out there. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through, and I’m so sorry to see how BDD is affecting you. I know how it feels, looking from some angles then constantly worrying about that position. It gets to the point to where I have to look at mirrors in public every single time, and if I see myself looking bad, I panic, then look down because I fear someones gonna see my face. I find your face pretty for a 22 year old, and I swear I’m not saying it just to be nice. I actually find you attractive, funny, and you seem to have a beautiful personality. Please don’t call yourself ugly, or think you are ugly. It makes your mental health worse. I haven’t seen you upload in a while, which worries me. Just know that we are all here for you ❤

I wish she could see how beautiful she is, even crying she stills looks beautiful

I don't understand your pain, But i hope you get over it, from my heart. I like you, i like your videos, so please, stay well ❤️

I’m so sorry you have to experience this. Your not alone. As someone who goes through the same thing just know that your not alone.

I'm dyxlesic and I never seen this diagnose before. And for those who suffers from it I'm so sorry for what u guys are going through. I'm new to this channel and never had BDD so please whatever this disease or diagnosed is causing you.... remeber your always gonna look beutiful in heart and soul. So please... if you seeing something out of place don't let your eyes and mind fool you, you always gonna have a good appareance and try to fight it. Don't let mirrors or social media fool you from the way you look. You are not a loser, you are strong and I'm always will be on your side no matter what.

Thank u for uploading this! Have a friend with body dysmorphia and I'm starting to understand him more and more. Good God this shit is terrible. Some days he won't go to the nightclubs with me because of episodes like this and I couldn't (perhaps still don't) understand for the life of me why such a handsome man would feel like that.

I don't like you like that. I would like to see you always smiling, happy... which is what you deserve! In other circumstances I would do everything to see you well! I haven't watched all your videos, I don't know you completely... but I understand what you go through. Be safe, okay? Hug.

I can feel you... And I know, that this might not help it all But the first thing I was thinking when I saw you was : "She's so gorgeous"

I hate hearing myself and taking pictures, I must have a bit of that too. I have been told I'm tripping, but I still feel the same. You need someone to love you like me. I will love you and tell you how beautiful you are everyday

Wow. This is honestly heartbreaking.

The best tips to feel better is to start trying meditating, start to feel isead of looking. The actual feeling of uglyness is a feeling of disconection. Start to conect with breath be free in the mind, make beautiful moments every day, mindfullness. And fokus on the preshios thing that you can do and learn about the mysterios world that we are born into. Some people will suffer from diseases, some from their beauty, some from being very poor. But being alive is a gift so keep treating your self right. Try to create good spells and it will eas that pain. You say you are a artist, you like paining. That means your entire thoughtprosses is how everything looks. Start to include every part of your soul. Toutch, smell, hearing, temperature, taste. This is the artist curse, cause you train your mind to become like this, the world is beautiful when you look with your eyes but to live in that illution will cost your life cause there is so much struggle for a human to be alive. Stop being scared of truth. I was a artist too but when I learned about agriculture and the soil I became really selfcontios and conected with the earth. Ok the plants need this watef, need this micronutriense, need bacteria. Thankful in some way. It was like awakening for me. It is sometimes hard to keep this insight to myself. The change is within, and how I feel conected I know. But sometimes I just want to reach out to other people in that pain I was in for many years that made me think I was unworthy. It was not my apperance at all, it was my confidence that lacked, it was my presence. It was my awarness of life that came, and then what i was capable to do to mantain it. Now I work with foods and how we can preserve them. Feel much better.

I want to feel happy to have people that i can relate to but....nothing changes ...not for her ,not for me , not for any of us. Its fucking hell to waking up everyday . Why don't we have any hope?

Brutal to see, someone having to life with that and feelig super bad because of it. Lets be gratefull, when not suffering from this, and wishes all that do to hopefully find some ways to deal and cope with it.

I remember being like this at the start of the pandemic after some extremely severe cyber-bullying!Sometimes, I don't get the cruelty of other people!Why do they have to be like this?

Believe me, i know this doesn't help but i hope your mental health improves. You are do pretty and anyone should be proud to be in your life. Keep fighting. You're doing brtter than you think 👍

Please don’t quit fighting the battle of life. God has got a plan for you. 🙏💪

This is me, 100%

Don't cry God is with you

you look good, you look like nerdy but with the glasses you look sexier but overall not as bad as you think. please understand some guys like scars and you look good.

I wish I looked like you

So hard to deal 😢

i can deeply relate to this

I don't know if I have it but THIS IS LITERALLY ME

Life isn't fair I'm sorry you're having to go through this pain

Girl stop it, you are beautiful.

BDD messed me up…. Even though I am still angry on how I look and I end up hating myself (people tell me I am good looking, but I don’t believe them at all) What helped me is the concept of self improvement… to be better and thinking that it will take time to reach the top.

Always wondered what one of those look like... whatever that was

No need to cry your beautiful good heart .you need better outlook on life.keep smiling

God you're so cute, I wish you could see what I see. I have body dysmorphia aswell.

there are way worse things to worry about other then your looks

You need to find something outside yourself to focus on. Anyway constructive, job, school, helping animals, volunteering, walking in nature and observing, etc. You are strikingly pretty. You bone structure, long neck, full lips. If you are tall you could be a model. But that doesn't matter. It's what is inside that counts. I think you said you are in therapy. That's good. I just stumbled on your channel but I can relate somewhat to how you are feeling. The mind can play tricks on us. It's not you or the way you look. It's something else. Not sure what your situation is, but this kind of thing often stems from abusive family or sometimes genetics, etc. Sorry, I'm ranting. i don't know u. But you are fine the way you are. Perfect. Go from there and help those less fortunate in this world.

For me you’re really pretty,, you have a high nose bridge, paler skin and big eyes. As an Asian who was held to those standards but couldn’t meet them… I do wish I did have those features. I hope we can help ourselves with the mental agony called BDD.. I dont want to feel ugly anymore

There's a study (results should be out in 2022) about using psilocybin as a treatment for BDD on those whom SSRI's havent worked for. I hope if its effective, it becomes easy to access clinically because mine was cured by an ego death. I honestly think it rewired my brain. I can't recommend psychs obviously but, hey, you can achieve ego death without drugs. I think BDD is often caused by socialization as we grow up, so experiencing a complete wipe of that temporarily maybe be the shift the brain needs to stop getting stuck in those self hatred loops. I think thats why it works for other traumas too

When this happens I just go into my bed and hide

Me everyday

You’re beautiful

😥😥 i literally cried

you are beautiful

I have exactly the same problem

💙

I always wondered what one of them things look like.. i dont know how to pronounce that word though.

Relatable! x

i want to take away your mirrors and phone so you can have some peace

Oh sweetheart, I know you won't believe me, I know that you think I am lying... I know these feelings as well I have the same issue but you are really beautiful, you have perfect nose, beautiful jawline, big lips and gorgeous eyes.... You look stunning. I am 15 and it is getting worse with me every day. So tay strong fighter

Señorita

Well, you have a disease that eats away at your soul. You really can’t see your beauty. You are young, hopefully one day you’ll be able to see beyond your self image.

Life sucks

Its ok gotta accept it... Im not going to sugarcoat anything but you must accept the way you was made.... It's ok I understand but I'm a athlete and smart.. I suggest that you get in the gym and gain a little weight, maybe ur facial features are not that good but u will have a bangin body... Thats facts... Good looks are not just going to fall in your lap .... U have to make yourself look good by exercising, I have a workout routine that Im doing and I would love to help you out... Ill send u videos of what I do and it might be able to help you get thicker and have a nice waist line.. I love you and I watch your videos when I fall until I fall asleep because I just want you to take 3 years off and dont worry about ur facial looks and just focus on ur body. Eat more and exercise heavy be slight on the cardio. But gn and I love you and Ill always be praying for u

What matters in life is the heart, not the face! Only egoists look 24 hours a day, complaining a trillion times on their face. Lots of laughs!

Grow up. You should be grateful. Hey guess what you are hot and the moon isn't made out of cheese

Don't want to scare you, but did you hear about female pattern baldness ?

Blah this is so sad.. I think you're cute. It's your mind that you're fighting with.. Hope you've been doing better