My husband and I do what I call "chore swapping". We made a list of everything that has to get done around the house, and then we each took that list and rated each task from 1 to 5. One means you don't mind doing it, and 5 means you hate doing it. We then compared our lists to each other. It was shocking how many things I hated to do that he didn't mind at all. Same with my list. There were a ton of things on my list I didn't mind doing that he hated. So I took on all the things he hates and he took in all the things I hated to do. Then we just split the other tasks between us equally. It has worked out great. Neither of us feels like we have to do the "shitty jobs" around the house, and now everything gets done. We don't have to worry anymore about who does what, and we feel more united because we are helping each other enjoy our time doing chores. That's a win-win in my book.
That's a great idea! This is about an ex boyfriend of mine, but he hated doing dishes and I hated mopping so I would do the dishes while he swept and mopped lol
We do this with a few things too! I loathe dishes, he hates cleaning the bathroom. We fold the laundry together because 2 adults and 4 kids worth of laundry sucks ass no matter who is folding it 😂
This is exactly what happened when I first met my husband. He communicated just like this and I was blown away. I had to talk to my therapist about it and the resulting fear that I would do something awful to ruin the relationship somehow and I REALLY didn't want to do that! She helped me navigate this sudden golden person and our connection and now we've been married over 30 years. He's still the same kind, empathetic and genuine man I met so long ago now, only better because we have taught each other about ourselves and our needs so we can be better for each other. I feel like I'm closing in on the person I was always wishing I could be... All thanks to his respect, love and friendship.
@@nafisaathiya504 (((Hugs!))) It took me a good part of my life, a ton of therapy and nine months of being single and not going out with anyone. At the end of that time I realized I had to be the one to choose partners. I had two false starts (one idiot, one alcoholic who was a total darling but no) before I was introduced to my husband-to-be. He had had a lot of bad experiences, too, and was determined to be treated well in his next relationship, as had I. One date was all it took. BUT. This was before the internet or computers being in every home. I was long time friends with a musician and followed her around to her concerts, and this played a huge part in my success. Folks musicians and their fans are overwhelmingly decent people. Of course there are bad seeds in any group but they seem less prevalent in folk music. They're not "cool" people or rich, but they are generally very kind, honest and good at communicating. In any case, I hung out with nice folks and my best friend helped me out. I also did a lot of work with a good therapist, plus kept a journal where I wrote everything down, did a lot of exercise and basically tried to get my whole self in order. I wasn't perfectly "fixed" when I met my sweetheart, but I was heading in the right direction and not just going out with anyone who asked me. In fact, no one. I was the one who asked my sweetheart out! So, I'd say, find something you really enjoy that has welcoming people who are eager to share the thing (hiking, sewing, bowling, horses, dogs, fish, card games, whatever really floats your boat) and then go there. Don't go looking for a spouse but look for good friends and just keep your eyes, heart and mind open. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Honestly you just said something I've been grappling with for the past week. I've been in a relationship with frankly to best person on the planet for 6 months now and recently I've started spiraling and having some doubtful thoughts that I just hate. But like, the doubt is me? Like, I can't love him enough? Like there's no way I'm doing enough for what he gives me? Fear is a good word for it. Like I'm gonna do something wrong or mess it up or it's gonna get boring but I don't feel right venting this to him because nothing is his fault. So I wrote in a journal a whole stream of consciousness about everything I appreciate about him and what he does and the dreams I want to share and all the doubt just left. This problem I was inventing for myself is put into perspective and gone. It's such an odd spiral. I'm glad to hear your marriage is 30 years strong. Gives me hope.
@@Crystalwolf953 I'm so glad you figured out something that works for you! Facing, acknowledging and defusing fear is powerful no matter how you do it. One thing that really helped me was not just acknowledging my fears but facing up to the fact that he was a super good person and not stupid so, if he loved me, maybe he saw things in me that I couldn't? And that it was okay for me to be loved by someone I could love back. Most of my other relationships were fraught with politics, lying and general crap communication... It made me realize that what I'd thought was love for people was actually fear of them because some part of my knew they were not my match. What I feel for my husband is so calm and steady- which I felt from the very first hug he gave me and has never stopped since... Anyway. Thank you for commenting!
This just made me tear up a bit. I'm very aware that I have this fear and propensity towards relational sabotage, but I'm trying to be transparent about that, moving the needle, slowly, with his help. Sometimes I feel it's gonna just be another learning relationship rather than a longer term building one, but your story is really encouraging. I pray I've enough patience in myself, trust in us, gratitude for him-- to shift things finally.
Yes. It's hard to see the crazy when all you see is crazy. I still can hardly imagine what it would be like to be in a respectful relationship with an adult male. The crazy becomes normal.
100%! It took me 50 years to find this type of healthy relationship, but I can’t help but think that I might’ve gotten here sooner, if I had a reference of what healthy communication sounded/looked like. It’s really hard to set a goal, let alone achieve it, if you can’t envision it.
This!!!!! I wish I knew this. I wish I could go back and warn other people that are still there in it. But they have to figure it out for themselves. They’ll never leave until they are done. I will definitely teach my children and any person who actually seeks out my guidance that the most dangerous and debilitating part happens to you after it’s finally over.
The time I finally realized I had healthy friendships at last: I dropped something and made a mess and ran to clean it up, apologizing and they all told me it was ok and started HELPING ME CLEAN IT UP. One of them took me by the shoulders and said, “It’s ok. No one is mad at you.” I actually had like a brain short circuit.
I dropped something and immediately went "don't worry it was mine! I'll clean it up right now!" My bf pulled out a big ole "im sorry for whatever happened to you before me. It's okay. " and it messed me up in some good ways
That's because partners who do basic level stuff is rare, alot of dudes think that is beneath them so they just don't do it, then get mad when the ladies get upset about the lack of basic level stuff he's supposed to be doing. She's probably been yelled at by past partners for voicing anything she's upset with.
I told my other half that the most attractive thing he can do is complete a load of laundry and wash the dishes. It's as attractive today as it was 7 years ago. Mmmm.... so good.
I agree! It's very easy. Initially a pain to get started, sure, but once it's finished, you feel more encouraged to complete the other tasks around the house.
I’m not sure Ive ever quite experienced this. In my family of origin, if I had any grievance with anyone, it was met with contempt.😢 So I learned not to expect respect. Working on undoing that right now.
My ex would say ‘stop criticising me’ 😣 We never were able to have a discussion, fix it, and move on in a better and healthy way He is a narcissist I was married to him for 13 years. Divorced 10. He still makes me feel small and taught my children to disrespect me. I’m still trying to overcome this, find my inner light, and like myself again. I’d like to be whole before I meet my next partner and pray they will be like this 🙏🏻
May you receive God divine healing in your whole being, and may your relationships with your children be healed and filled with love, respect, laughter, and many hugs, in Jesus' Name!
I’m 50 an no man has ever responded to me like that. Either they are insulted, become defensive, or have a tantrum like a child. Men need to call out other men when they act like jerks. Thank you. ❤
Most men call out jerks. But jerks don't change by being called out. That's why they're jerks. The only thing you can do is listen to the advice of men you know are good and stop chasing after guys that are obviously jerks.
Most men can't see it because they are the same.... However in the beginning they swear they are good at communicating LoL I guess they are referring to sports or job conversations
I’m a 25 guy and I don’t do that to my girlfriend. I make a massive point they are their own individual with own needs and opinions. They come from a culture where woman aren’t equal so that’s why I make that a point. Last thing I want is for my girlfriend to feel she can’t express herself. Seen and experienced enough of that crap in my life and same for her. I’m sick of so many men myself. Most men just aren’t self aware especially with how they treat their significant other. My point is the good men are out there, sadly rarer than it should be. Just to clarify, most people aren’t self aware(enough) not just men. This is my own experience and opinion though.
At almost 66 I’m finally in a healthy relationship where my lovely man treats me this way. The joy of being respected and truly loved is sometimes overwhelming! Thank God. It’s never too late to find happiness!!
I call BS. Sorry, but i don't believe that anyone who isn't wealthy or a celebrity is attractive enough at 66 to find love. I'm 45 and the best i can do at my age is what i have; I'm too far past my prime to attract real love, and have far too many issues to attract anyone who isn't a narcissist. It's nice that you're trying to give people hope, but i don't believe your story.
😅I had this same type of convo with my business neighbor. Totally expecting a passive aggressive response when I asked for something reasonable. What I got was a healthy and reasonable response! 😮 I told him how much I appreciated his quality of communication. He said that’s what good neighbors do! Amen to that! I appreciate how the world at large can reflect healing comms.
So some vaguely like this is possible? I find this convo very contrived and overdone, but I get that it's a skit. I hope something resembling this is possible. Mine would sometimes agree, but nothing really changed. I got to know that dismissed tone, and how he was just shutting me up to get rid of me, but nothing would get done. Or if it did, it was going to be days or weeks and a few more reminders.
@@saintejeannedarc9460Yes, but you sometimes have to build it together. You have to have a relationship with someone mature and self aware enough that they can verbalize what they want and don't want in a relationship, they don't like mean, spiteful fighting, and they can calmly communicate expectations, boundaries, and compliments. I'm saying that people don't usually come into a relationship knowing how to do all that, but if a mature and satisfying relationship is what both of you want, it's work (like learning how to get over your pride when you're hurt in order to talk and be on the same page, and counseling and therapy), but it's totally worth it. After 16 years of marriage and with 2 kids under 12 at home, my husband isn't a source of stress at all, but the one I need to sort out all the things that weigh on me. He helps me and I help him. We are stronger together and to have someone who is endlessly in your corner is such a relief. I wish more people had this, but we need to get over the lies we believe due to Hollywood romance movies.
Just reading this comment made me emotional. And he was sweet enough to let you have a safe space to get your emotions out. You have a keeper on your hands!
@@saintejeannedarc9460comunicate? Or done something nice for him first like something he really love and then talk to him heart to heart. Iam sorry if i over step just wanna give my opinion.
@@saintejeannedarc9460I'm sorry to hear that it feels so alien to you. I am able to have conversations almost exactly like this vid with my partner. It's honestly just clear communication with voiced expectations. Sadly it's not the norm in our society but it's very much possible. It requires work to keep communicating but it's worth it every time ❤
When you are emotionally abused by people this is what happens when you meet a genuine person and have a healthy relationship. Please god, I want to have a healthy relationship where I can have a normal discussion without anyone shouting at me. 🙏
I'll say a prayer for you and an amen. I'm so abused I can't even wish or pray for that for myself anymore. If definitely have to experience a miracle to no longer be alone (I have 2 babies in cat n dog form and feel loved by them and my siblings but.... A partner who lived me could've been nice but it's like a million trillion dollars and a unicorn would be nice too). But genuine prayers for you because God can do anything.
Be wary, your brain is sometimes “trained” to expect the worst and panics or lashes out when it doesn’t get it because the anticipation is worse than the abuse.
lol! I can TOTALLY relate! There is nothing in the world sweeter than to be loved, heard, respected, and cherished by the person you love, and when you come from a place where that didn’t happen in previous relationships, it’s even a little hard to get used to. Everyone in a relationship needs to see this video and take notes! Serious notes, without your “love goggles” on. If you are in a relationship where this type of conversation cannot happen, leave. Leave immediately.
My boyfriend is like this and it's very new to me. So new that I have to remind myself to actually express myself instead of "protecting" his feelings.
In in the same boat. We've been together almost 3 years and I feel like I'm being spoilt and it will end after the honeymoon period, all of a sudden he'll show his true colours or something. And when I do something for him he still thinks it's amazingly sweet (and it's really basic level stuff, so I'm like, gees didn't anyone you were with ever just bring you a cup of tea whilst you were gaming or studying?) Neither of us are perfect & we still have stuff to work on but thankfully we can air our issues, talk through them, share burdens. Most importantly for us we give each other space when we need to. I hope you guys continue to be happy together 😊
I have to try and not destroy his acts of love by constantly protesting that it's too much and I'm not worth it. I sometimes have to try and keep my mouth shut and remember He chose this with love and I have to grant him that and not devalue it.
@@chronischgeheilt In time you will get there. You'll realise you're worth every ounce of that love. It took me 41 years to find a person that's willing to have an actual healthy adult relationship with me. We both have so much baggage - but that's a strength because we've learnt so much along the way. Keep loving and enjoying your partner. Cliché - but treasure each moment. Blessings to you all 😊
Honestly this video made me realize i need to work on myself. When my husband asks me to do things like that sometimes i feel as though hes nitpicking and i really do feel as though i cant do anytning good enough. But now im realizing that he is just trying to get me to listen and i have been neglecting his feelings. Thank you for posting this. I am the one in my relationship who shuts down or explodes and this made me realize i need to do better.
Good for you for realizing this. Sometimes we (and our relationships) go through phases of being "checked out" or overly reactive to criticism, but there's always the hope that we can realize our mistakes and plug back in. Have you been better since you posted this comment 2 weeks ago?
Also applauding your self-reflection and desire to improve. Your honesty is admirable as well as your vulnerability. Rooting for you and your relationship! You got this! 🩵
@@ChloeLayneXOSee, it's not about them forgetting from time to time, it's about you (not) feeling safe enough to tell them, because you're used to them either making you out to be unreasonable and hysteric for asking them to chip in or they will tell you all the things you're doing wrong in that situation because they can't handle any criticism.
God, I feel that confusion in the depths of my soul. The "wait, you're... not mad??" I honestly got a little teary eyed at this one. I've been with my wonderful husband for six years now, but the scars from before go so deep, it's insane how real respect and love still shock the hell out of me
I tried really hard to keep myself from actively destroying the first healthy relationship I had for the first year of our now 5 year and going relationship. I even tried to bomb the relationship before it started with the disclaimer: "I am not an easy person." Turns out I wasn't difficult or nasty, or a prude or vindictive or whiny or petty or a bitch at all. But it took us a little while for me to get that. Now I am supportive, funny, helpful, kind, powerful and sweet. I wanted to be all that, because I didn't need to fight for my spot in the relationship and it is so much more fun like that ❤
@@advisorywarning Have you ever made something an idol, used God’s name as a cuss word, dishonor your parents, murder (God views hate as murder), lusting, stealing, lying, wanting something another has that isn’t rightfully yours? Doing so we violating the law, which is sin, and because of sin there is a punishment…If a serial killer like Ted Bundy tells a judge of all the good things he’s done for society do you think the judge would let the serial killer off free? The same is with us; we’ve committed such crimes against God that we are separated from God forever; we are punished by suffering Hell for eternity, a place with no hope for us. But God loves us so much and with all his heart that he gave his only Son, Jesus Christ, to this cursed world to be crucified on the cross. (John 3:16-17) Now anyone who accepts Jesus Christ, God’s Son, as their Lord and Savior and believes he rose from the dead the third day will be saved from eternal damnation in Hell and live in Heaven in paradise with him forever. Many will choose to follow Satan, whether it be because they think they won’t succeed otherwise or won’t have any joy or friendships, but he will soon reveal himself as a murderer and a liar as he was since the beginning and he will curse all his followers as he cursed God and all of Satan’s followers will be cased into ever burning Hell. Don’t believe this lie I too believed in! Our God is a loving God full of compassion, yet he is a righteous God with righteous judgment. (Matthew 13:41-42)
This is lovely to hear that you've been in a healthy relationship for 5 years now. I'm glad you left the toxic one behind because good people deserve love and respect! ❤
I LOVE THIS. I remember having a very similar conversation with an ex after our first “almost” blow up. He came to me and was very upset about something I did or didn’t do (I can’t remember it was so long ago) and I didn’t match his energy and told him “you’re right, I can see why that would bother you. I’m going to make sure I pay more attention to that because I don’t want you feeling this way”. He looked so flabbergasted and with the same angry energy told me, “so we’re not going to argue about this?!” And with the same calm energy I told him “no, why would we? You’re absolutely right and even though I don’t view it in the same way doesn’t take away the important fact that you view it as a form of disrespect or your needs not being met. I love you and always want you to feel safe to tell me these things and know that we can compromise and do what’s best for the both of us”. He sat down and after calming himself he told me that for the first time in his life he didn’t have to argue his point and he didn’t know what to do 😅 poor guy came from a very abusive home and dated very unstable women before me. I’m not perfect at all but emotional maturity is very important in all relationships. I can’t wait to find my husband who has the same ability to emotionally regulate himself and has a healthy way of interacting with others.
@@genshinsageyou're assuming that she left. You don't know who left or if they decided mutually to end the relationship. It seems like you're projecting your pain onto them.
These videos have been so helpful in my marriage! I love that you teach us how to communicate effectively but also demonstrate healthy vs. unhealthy dynamics. I have learned to reassert boundaries AND my love. It’s also helped me to remember to communicate to my husband what he means to me, why he is worth fighting for, and what richness he brings to my life. Finally, I thank you for being particularly open about your past struggles as a man in a heterosexual relationship, and for giving guidance to other men so that they too can be successful in their relationships. Same for us women! This channel is a gem.
This is EXACTLY how it is with my best friend and I… it’s so shocking sometimes to me still… It’s so hard to fully understand it sometimes because of how much your past relationships have skewed your whole view of love. My best friend is the greatest and I’m so grateful for her.❤
Yes, in the culture I live in, apologies and promises to try to do better are a sign of strength. Children make excuses or arguments, adults apologize.
My ex would ALWAYS explode whenever I asked a question like that. Obviously I was in a very bad marriage. My husband now , is like this video . Very calm , happy to accommodate me. Just plain nice . I spent 27 years in an abusive marriage . Sometimes, it’s hard to believe my husband now can be so kind . We’ve been married almost 4 years. He’s my heart ♥️
OMGosh ... Same! 23 yrs in an abusive marriage. Divorced him. 12 yrs later I met my current husband. 9 years together & not one abusive situation. Compared to those 23 years, I realize Marriage isn't so hard when there is reciprocity of love, kindness & respect. 💕
I'm so sorry that both of you had to go through that. But I'm so happy that found someone who treats you right. Everyone deserves love and to be appreciated ❤️
Healthy or a doormat? Why WOULDN'T you leave your dishes in the sink where they can soak and be dishwasher-able once you load & start it? Why WOULD you want them sitting and drying out in the dishwasher drying until they crust up and become only hand-washable?
Literally me when I first started dating my husband. I was so used to my exes blowing up on me and cursing me out just for talking about my feelings that when I told him how I felt I braced for the backlash but all I got was compassion and understanding. It took me back and honestly to this day I’m still surprised how I put up with those toxic people for so long. I’m truly blessed to be in such a healthy relationship now ❤
@@crestalee6968 No? If you're constantly forgetting something, and you want to change that habit, making a note or setting a reminder to go back and check, is the responsible thing to do. Furthermore, if that bad habit is affecting someone you love, letting them know that you set a reminder or wrote a note let's them know that you're putting in effort in your own way, and not just ignoring them.
Growing up in a dysfunctional home made me realize that my husband was a gem. This is how our conversations have always been and we've been married now for 18 years. During the first year of my marriage is when I realized I actually grew up in a very mentally abusive and dysfunctional family setting. Prior to that, I thought fighting daily and being undervalued as a human was normal. I thank God everyday for the man He put in my life ❤ 🙌🏼
Lady, same here. I didn't realize my parents were (still are) completely awful to each other, I thought that's just what marriage was. When I got married, I realized they were awful at marriage. When I had my first son, I realized they were awful parents. I love them; they really trashed my mind, though. It's taken time to get over that. (Actually my mom still tells me how stupid and useless I am...someday maybe we'll move to another state.)
@@evage99 Never let anyone--not even your parents--disrespect you with those demeaning words, and awful lies. It could most likely be that the only coping mechanism they have is projection about how they really feel about themselves on the inside, much like a bully has to beat others down to feel better about themselves. I may just be a stranger in the comment section of a youtube short, but trust that you're all of the things that she claims you aren't and then some.
Grateful to have a parter that accepts responsibility, says sorry, and actually does stuff to change like immediately instead of reverting back after a week
From a men's point of view you never ask " would you mind out them in the dishwasher" you say" wtf are you doing? Why are not the dishes cleaned? I'm always doing EVERYTHING AND YOU DO NOTHING" etc.... there's a difference
I have never had a conversation like this with my husband, ever. Nope. The “lady” here is totally on it. These videos are so straight up real on what goes down. 💯 How refreshing it is to see this man’s kind response, respect and understanding exists. ❤️ Comforting.
Honestly, the so-called "boring" relationships are the most healthy and fulfilled ones. They aren't actually boring either, there's so much fulfillment in a stable and comfortable relationship!
tho honestly, the only time I've ever herd somebody call someone theyre dating "boring" is because that person dosent like to do any fun activities or has no personalitity traits or hobbies. I dont see how it has anything to do with this.
@@Maxwell2512there are some people who thrive on conflict and "drama" and lacking those things in a relationship can feel boring to them. They aren't actually bored, generally, they're just unused to not having to constantly keep their guard up, which ironically can trigger that feeling that something is wrong (usually as part of a larger trauma response) and stress them out more than the expected behaviors from a less compatible partner. This, in turn, leads to persistent anxiety that is difficult to identify due to its lack of obvious origin, and instead is often perceived as a lack of simulation, leading them to declare an otherwise compatible partner as "boring"
a world full of unsatisfied women you mean? nagging is part of feeling love for them. no nagging.... no passion..... THATS WHY BAD BOYS ALWAYS WIN! THEY GIVE WOMEN WHAT THEY WANT
@@brendanbudniak2261you didnt even watch the video did you? Ffs the reason some people cant just do it is because of toxic relationships which lead to arguments. This is just showing an example of someone who was in a toxic relationship now in a good one. Go find somewhere else to be angry >->
Omg. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 one more time for the people in the back and the selfish gaslighters out there that blow up at u and make u feel like there is no hope for this relaripnship because they call u a b*tch for simply stated one’s feelings and that they’re being rude, all in a calm and non-b*tchy, but adult manner. Like ppl who are around each other long enough, will end up having problems with each other and we all have to learn how to navigate and all put forth our best effort if we really care about the other person’s feelings and this relationship. Thank you so so much for this video. I knew I was right for thinking that this way of thinking exists and is healthy, but it means so much to see a video about it and especially it being posted by a man, just means so much more because a lot of toxic men out there just love to throw the B**** word around like it’s nothing, and belittle for little things like this that should just be a regular adult conversation.
This is was incredibly helpful and validating. I don’t feel like I ask for much (the bare minimum really) and yet I’m made to feel like a burden and a nag. My heart hurts so much from being lashed out at and shut down so many times. I want a marriage like this so so so badly 😭💔
You know, you can have a perfectly peaceful relationship all on your own. You can be independent. There are worse things than being alone. A bad marriage is one of them. Ask me how I know!
I went through that for 30 years. No appreciation, mean, never a thank you or can I help you with that Working myself to the ground. Working a job, cooking, cleaning , raised our so , making sure the bills are paid... Then somthing clicked iny mind. I told my husband I would not except abuse from anyone anymore including him One day he was treating me terrible, it dawned on me that I don't have to except it Told him I was leaving for the day that I was not going to spend my day with thst abuse. No matter what he said I packed a picnic basket, blanket, and hit the road Best day of my life. I toured many small town in MI. Ended up at the Great lk in Bay City. Laid on the Beach it was awesome. I was gone 7 hours til night My husband has been a gem ever since. He knows next time I leave it will be forever He's sweet, helps out, does the laundry, thanks me for things etc People will treat you the way you let them
Danielle, sometimes or maybe all the time, you have to walk away . With a narcissistic person, they only get worse in time. I struggled for years and left. I just made sure there was someone around so it could not get to out of control with my kids. Many different attempts were made to save the marriage, but nothing worked. It takes two to save a marriage, only one was willing to admit fault and make adjustments.
@@SpecialBlanketI'm 33 and hoping for this! Have been single for a year, and am not missing much except intimacy. But I want to meet someone who doesn't almost make it their life's goal to destroy the intimacy via thousands of small cuts (only to fucking panic when I finally actually do emotionally check out of the relationship and end up leaving). As if I wasn't absolutely clear about the fact that those small acts of support & consideration, just... teamwork(!) in a relationship, are not only important to me & for my well-being, but a necessity. 🙄 If life WITH you makes every day so much more DIFFICULT for me, then what's the point? *If I wanted to be a mother, I would [try to] have children!*
I think you hit hit a nerve I hadn’t realized was raw. For the second time, these role play ‘what it looks like to be respected, loved and validated’ videos actually caused an emotional response in me, my eyes filled with tears. ❤
Ugh, same. I am in an abusive marriage where my spouse performed "healthy" for the first 10 months we were together. I kept looking for the "healthy" version of them after we got engaged and for the first few years of our marriage. I finally realized in the last few months they were a masterful performer and manipulator and I've been taking the space I need to process all of it. But I needed this reminder. Thank you. ❤
@@skallywalla502 you got this friend, you'll be so much happier and more free once you make it out of there! I finally found someone who loves me right and we communicate well and care and listen, it's possible!
Omg going through a breakup from a severe narcissist for over a week now and this actually make my heart feel tickled! I actually felt happy and totally giggled! Thank you thank you! U r a genius! Appreciate you soooo much! I watched it 5 times and sent it to 6 of my friends! Lol
Angie. Please, please please please stay strong. You're only a week in and most likely (and God I hope this does NOT happen) love bombing might be right around the corner...it's very possible...don't let him/her tell you how happy they are with someone else already...it's a lie! You are more than enough, it'll be hard (also hope that is not the case for you but it's possible!) But you will come out brighter and better you on the other side
We're not to this point totally yet but approaching. Like one of us brings up an issue and then the other reciprocates with a similar complaint. We get weirdly defensive and then are like ok I'll work on that.... and then he's awkwardly defensively like ok well as long as youre good with that that's good.... it's weird and awkward lol like we're both tensed for an argument that isn't going to happen
When my early relationship started to get serious I sat down with him and told him that the key to all long lasting healthy relationships from friends, to coworkers, to loved ones, is healthy communication. The more healthy the communication is the healthier the relationship. That's the secret to a happy lifelong relationship. He thought about it and agreed. After that it's been uphill. He has some communication problems as do I, but we're willing to work through them and grow together. I'll give an example of what we went through: Early on when we'd get in an argument he was like a brick wall completely defensive. I eventually just started explaining where I was coming from, how I was trying to help and solve the problem for both of us. He then shared a bit with me and from that communication I found out he assumed at times I was going to try to emotionally hurt him. I had no idea where he got that from his childhood, but after that every time he got defensive I would say things like, "I'm just trying to help. I want you to feel good. I don't want you to hurt." and this broke down his defenses and after that we've been great for each other. After that arguments have become quite rare. Communicating well is a skill that takes time to learn, but the better you get at it the happier your relationship will be. I guarantee it.
I was the shut down “nothing I ever do is good enough” guy. It’s hard to forgive myself for wasting so much of that girl’s life and not making our relationship a space where she could express her needs. I miss her everyday and I couldn’t be happier that she’s happy now. That guy better be the greatest fucking man in the history of Earth. He would still dwarf what she deserves. It’s been rough, but I’ve never been more excited to get out there and try to be a good, empathetic, emotionally intelligent and mature person for someone new. Every time I see one of these videos it just gets me so excited for the day I get to be good to someone. So thank you for that :)
This is the biggest difference between my current relationship and my last relationship. My ex made me feel like such a nag for expressing basic needs or for expecting literally anything from him.
this is how i feel with my future husband right now. He has never yelled at me or responded with hostility, even if i’m overthinking and it’s on me, he will approach it in a gentle manner. it’s been six years of this, and i still find myself bracing for impact when it will never happen, but here’s to healing!!
how my husband is too (: legit the only time an argument has sparked really between us have been high stress times when one of us is hungry/overworked/tired, and even then it's resolved by putting on a shelf til the physical need is handled.
seriously, my husband is an angel 😭 we've definitely gotten upset with each other, but never histrionic or disrespectful. these men really are out there, folks!
I just want to say that these shorts have given me so many "lightbulb" moments of realization about things I need to change or things that my partner could work on. I love when your content pops up. I always learn something new. Thank you for your hand in saving my marriage and making me a better human being.
Oh wow, I need to explore more of these Shorts then! I am currently single (and have been for quite long-after a decade of serial monogamy), because I'm sick & tired of dating "problems", but I definitely need to work on myself as a potential partner in order to not become "the problem in the relationship" myself either. I want to find a balanced relationship where we're both equally mediocre but "ever-improving", hahahha. 😹 But this work is difficult to do alone!
Thank you Jimmy, for saying they often "shut down" or explode. Most of the time people say men like this always explode. Mine has "shut down" for 40 years. Since he doesn't "explode" he thinks he is being a peacemaker and I should just swallow my hurts. He doesn't want to hear me. He is controlling and gets his way. He bought a home secretly 6 months ago and moved out while I was out of town helping our daughter's family. Neglect has been the norm in my marriage and because of both of our parents unhealthy marriages he can't see it and I didn't see it early enough. ~hurting (almost ex) wife of 40+ years
This is showing how both parties should communicate. It can definitely go both ways, and this scenario can be flipped. Women aren't the only ones that should know how to communicate. 😁
It’s showing how men and women can communicate in a healthy way. Why did you assume it’s for women when “she’s the one shocked” bc of his response.This comment comes off extremely chauvinistic ( May have not intended) and the fact that, that many people liked it is scary IMO.
After a lifetime of dysfunctional and abusive relationships, I have finally found someone who responds to me just like this. It didn’t happen by accident. I had to be hurt by a narcissist and do the personal shadow work. But I did it, and I'm still doing it, but it turns out that I don’t have to be totally healed or enlightened to find the perfect partner. He's perfect because we can actually help each other heal and grow through healthy interactions like this. God bless all of us on the path, no matter where you are on it. ❤
My fiancé and I communicate like this. Communication, vulnerability, understanding and trust are just a few things that we both value and highly prioritize in our relationship. It's honestly so refreshing. The most happiest and healthiest relationship I've been in and I feel so blessed that I'm marrying a man like him.
Wow. This really resonated with me as the “hey you left a plate unwashed thing” triggered a lot for my man.. he 😢wasn’t ready for that level of confrontation 😂 Imagine if you had a man who could actually talk that way ..?! ❤you Jimmy … such a great series xx
Yeah…this is an ideal, but seems very unrealistic in my life experience. It’s usually not worth it to say what I want . If there are men out there who actually talk like this, then I am truly in disbelief.
Man, this video nearly burst me into tears and certainly welled up lots of painful memories inside; I was held captive in an abusive and toxic relationship for two years where my partner not only attempted against my life *_multiple times_* but also systematically sabotaged my entire daily routine and shunned away my circle of friends, family and loved ones. Everyday was hell, to the point that suicide did indeed present a _happier alternative._ Said partner only left after leaving my life in shambles and me in near-financial bankruptcy, merrily pretending to waltzing off in a happily ever after rainbow. Right now, I couldn't be happier. Because for all the difficulties I have yet to surmount, I am happy, free and hopeful. This video tugged my heartstrings as I wished my relationship to have gone down this path. Now, I am a broken shell of a man who avoids relationships and partnerships because I cannot bring myself to trust a fellow human being to a level of intimacy where they can do the worst damage to you.
Yes indeed the shock when someone is sane when you finally get a respectful respons, instead of being yelled and getting blamed and even bullied. I hope one day, I will finally get such a sane relationship instead of an insane one I'm just done with this insane relationships. For the change I'm again in a disrespectfull relationship.
goodness you tender soul, you deserve nothing but the finest respect and love! You are a life to be cherished and appreciated daily ❤ sometimes our heart feels like an empty well, but after the rain we are full of life and love so help us find it. You will find it, and it will be yours to keep forever!
It's so great to see a man expressing this! I really hope that men in my daughters generation are more like this rather than the sh*t I've had to cope with.
This is exactly how I feel in my current relationship, I’m extremely emotional being pregnant and get so scared to bring things up to my partner. He’s been nothing but supportive and loving and it makes me feel unworthy of his love. But I know this is everything I have worked so hard for we both deserve each other.❤❤❤
Maybe you don't feel worthy of his love because other people gaslight you into believing you deserved the sh1t they put you through before. You didn't deserve that. You do deserve being loved and cared for. You do deserve being pampered throughout your pregnancy (and birth and post partum), your body is going through a lot, after all.
Lucky you. My partner leaves the entire house a mess and never cleans up after himself, he doesn’t pay any rent or help me out and I have severe pelvic pain , I’m due to give birth in 3 weeks and I’m absolutely exhausted. Whenever I voice my concerns that I need help he always says “you’re a women do it yourself” he made out he was a good man for 2 years of our relationship, I knew he was messy but now I’m really seeing him for who he is.
@@hannahmillner764 Yeah, the way she started that conversation without it being an attack or personal drag was great. Nice to see that he reciprocated her energy!
My current boyfriend and I's relationship is exactly like this. I was so used to being disrespected and treated like any expectations or help I'd need was a burden on my partner. But this boyfriend treats me with the utmost respect and is always checking in to make sure I feel respected and valued
It took me YEARS to stop having those fun little, trauma-based, reactions whenever I was having one of those conversations with my boyfriend... But he was very patient and understanding, as long as we communicate whatever is wrong right now, we know that we can work through it. It finally feels safe to come home!
Just speaking from my own experience, I found my person when I wasn't intentionally looking for a partner. We were friends, to best friends, to more. Sometimes, taking it slow really allows for your relationship to blossom ❤
Almost 8 years in and I still feel shock & awe experiencing this. Have to conciously highlight to myself, that he genuinely does like me for me, and I don't have to be anything "extra" in order to be worthy of being loved. I get to be fully myself and I'm relearning how to let my silly side show. It's awkward & amazing.
No but this is so on point that it almost made me cry. I remember getting in an hour long screaming match over some constructive criticism or getting huffs and puffs just because I asked him to clear his pubes off the sink when he was done shaving. Yeah. I needed therapy after that one. And my reaction is still a lot like this when met with reasonable people. Trauma is real.
